It Pays To Be Ignorant - What Is a Windowscreen

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What is a window screen?

Something you use to keep flies inside the house.

Correct, say that man a dollar.

What is a bathing beauty?

A girl with a nice profile all the way down.

Correct, say that man a $9 because.

It pays to the ignorant.

As living proof to odd use service men and women listening in over there,

that it does pay to be ignorant,

here's another half hour with radio's biggest collection of Xenies,

the incomparable width, George Shelton, Lola McConnell, and Harry McNaughton,

our doctor of music, Nat Novik,

and the man who sticks his neck out every week at this time,

our moderator Tom Howard.

Here we go.

So, Tom, this is an ideal Ken Robertson.

What do you mean, ladies and gentlemen?

Well, here's that quiz program again with a board of experts

who consists of three people whose brain has been in quarantine

ever since the day they were born.

Of course, the other celebrate awesome Mr. Harry McNaughton

who has just written the book entitled,

How to get into a girdle or the Battle of the Bosch.

But here he is, Mr. Harry McNaughton.

Thank you. I have a poem, Mr. Haar.

Yes, with graceful feet of maiden sleep

was tripping the light fantastic when suddenly she tore

for the dressing room door.

You can't trust this wartime elastic.

Massive feet.

I could have written more, you know, but I didn't want to stretch it.

All right.

Next we have a woman who won a girl at school couldn't get ahead

and still hasn't got one.

A woman who won't be called to visit you can stay longer in the

half hour than the average person can stay in the whole week.

Mr. Lola McNaughton.

I was a party last night, Mr. Howard.

Yeah.

Did you enjoy yourself?

No. Somebody hit me in the push of Lola McNaughton.

Well, let's get on here.

Nice to have a man.

Nice to have a man who was born in a flop.

Now everything he touches is missed.

A man?

A man who went a boy, killed his mother and father

so he could go to the orphan's picnic.

Mr. George Lola McNaughton,

you see by the newspapers Dick Tracy just paid $50

for a suit of red flannel underwear.

$50 for a suit of red flannel underwear?

I bet you'll get it, Jesus' time.

Let's get on here and I'll give you the first question.

If you can tell me, here it is.

What is a bridal path you as far?

Did you say a bridal path is a hard path?

I said bridal path.

What is it?

It's the last mile for some poor sucker.

Oh, no.

A bridal path is an island of church.

You walk down it.

That's not what I mean.

A bridal path is something else.

Well, if it's something else, why do they call it a bridal path?

It is a bridal path.

They leave it that way.

What do you want to change if it's something else for?

You're always changing things.

I bet you're the guy that changed 6th Avenue

to the Avenue of the Americas.

Look, you're talking about Mary.

Well, what are you talking about?

I am talking about something that has to do with a horse.

Oh, come, come, Mr. Hart.

Whoever heard of a horse getting mad at you.

Billy.

Why not they lead them to the orphan, don't they?

They didn't put a horse there.

That's terrible.

And he has a groom, don't I say?

You mean she has a groom.

Don't get so nosy.

All right.

The place is not about nice.

It's about horses.

Oh, I went horseback riding the other day.

Yeah, did you go alone?

No, the horse went with me.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, wait a minute.

This is a car.

Do you say you went horseback riding?

Where did you ride?

Well, right between the horses neck and his tail.

I would say approximately around the middle.

All right.

That's enough to make it.

On top side.

All right.

I love horseback riding.

I would horseback riding less Sunday.

Fine.

You went horseback riding.

Tell me, where did you go?

As if a cat is in the woods.

Oh, really?

How is it here?

It's a...

Oh, please.

Would you please get back to the question?

What is a bridal path used for?

I remember when I got married.

I don't start that marriage visit.

I didn't start it.

It's been going on for years.

Apparently, even before we had bridal paths.

Bridal paths are not for marriage.

Well, what are they for them?

They're for bridal.

Wait a minute.

They're for horses.

Well, horses have bridal.

Well, Mr. McConnell.

Have you ever been in Central Park?

Are you kidding?

I see what you mean.

I've never seen people riding horseback in the park in the daytime.

Now, what would I be doing in Central Park in the daytime?

Ah, silly boy.

How did I get in there?

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh.

Thank you.

Now, here's the next question.

Play attention.

Have a woman has married 25 years to her husband?

How long has her husband been married?

Mr. Hawes.

What's her name?

Ah.

That doesn't make much difference.

We just call him Mr. and Mrs. C. Cook.

Did you say Mr. and Mrs. C. Cook?

That's right.

I used to know they sang.

Oh, how'd you know they had us up?

Well, everybody call him a son of a C. Cook.

Ah, that's right.

Oh, yes.

Please, forget the name.

The question is,

if a woman has married 25 years,

how long has her husband been married?

Was it a church wedding this hour?

That doesn't enter into the question.

Let's just say it's the plain, simple wedding.

Anyone that gets married is plain and simple.

If you ask me,

Well, nobody asks.

I only might.

They might ask me.

They might ask.

All right.

They might ask.

I was married by a Justice of Peace.

You were.

Yes.

And I haven't had no justice and no peace since.

Mr. Cottle, tell me.

How did you get your husband?

A one-minute crap game.

Was it a dice-loading?

No, but he was.

Mr. Hard, do you think marriage is the cheap cause of divorce?

Yeah, I think it is.

You're a nigh-doramist, Mr. McGlott.

Well, you're wrong, old boy.

I don't belong to any Lord.

I say.

Hey, pick for Carlos.

Would you marry a lovely man just for his money?

I don't know.

How much money you got?

Well, I can't.

Get back to the question.

If a woman is married 25 years, how long has her husband been married?

I can't get married.

You know, I've been going through life and shingle-honest.

I think I'll do it in double-honest after that.

I'll give my regards to the other horse.

Why was I never turned around the first time my old man whistled at me?

Yeah.

I bet your old man wished you had never whistled at me.

Have you had a children listening?

No, we have not.

Why?

Everybody has children.

The birds, the bees, even turtles have children.

Perhaps?

Yeah.

I always thought they had turtles.

Come on.

You know, you know, a friend of mine got married the other day, yes.

He had a pound of butter, and she had a pound of liverwood.

Hey, they got married for butter or for worse, I guess.

Ah, okay.

I got the baloney.

Not John.

We'll do something.

Oh, you're not lumbering me all this week.

Maybe this is going to be good tonight, I guess.

Oh, no.

So now they might have been making a mess.

I don't know, I don't know.

I don't know.

Oh, I love it.

Oh, hey, they're in our bonding.

Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Come on, let's go.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

Wow.

Now we come to our contestants, while Mr. Robert is getting the folks up here, we return

to the musical portion of our program.

We have an Augustur who at one time had music explained to them, but never heard any of

it.

So that's the way they play.

Here they are.

Mr. Norvik and his quizzlings, Dr. Norvik.

Mr. Norvik and his quizzlings, Dr. Norvik and his quizzlings, Dr. Norvik and his quizzlings

and his quizzlings, Dr. Norvik and his quizzlings

and his quizzlings and his quizzlings

and his quizzlings

And onstage!

Three laps.

Boy I'd fired that Augustur if it wasn't for the fact if I could beat the

And we'll play in T-Nuggo.

Always our first contestant, Mr. Robert.

Our first guest this evening, Mr. Howard,

is Corporal John Ackerman of the United States Marine.

How do you feel, Mr. Ackerman?

It's a pleasure to have you with us.

How do you feel, sir?

I feel fine.

Well, that's great. Where's your hometown?

Would you care to tell us?

It's down Scobyville, New Jersey.

Oh, Scobyville!

Now, near home.

Go to play class.

Scobyville, New Jersey!

Well, put a baseball club in my hand and call me Betty.

Yeah.

I used to walk in that car.

Not even the dishwasher in the dentist's office.

You were a dishwasher in the dentist's office.

I used to wash plates.

Hey, they know it's dancing to the Mr. Ackerman.

He's working up to be a moron.

How long have you been to service here?

The service just about three and a half years now in a half years fine my boy

And congratulations. Are you still in or are you about to get out? I'm about to get out. I hope well

I hope so too my boy and congratulations to him. I hope you have lots of luck when you do get out

I say you know couple you know a

Congratulations suit for me. Yes. I was in the last one. Hmm. I was a real gunner on a bummer

Wait a minute in the last one. I didn't have any rare gunners on a bomber. They didn't oh no one

They tied beyond to the tail

What did you do before you went into service? I was a real gunner on a bummer

Pardon the interruption, Mr. Ackerman. I did service days and work most all I see you were sort of a service station

Attendant and do you think you go back to that work after they after you get out or not?

I don't think I will well. I don't think so too. I bet you've learned a lot since those days

Well, we heard they are very happy to have you with us here tonight. We sure are. What's your first name, honey?

John John

I love that name John. So manly. Yeah

I love manly name. Yeah, that's so manly. You said that

Well, I have to say that manly. I love a name John. You're brilliant. You

And you can you can just call me pigeon

I like the bill and two

And you got to toast the mass too

John will you reach into the Dunscath Ampick out a question for us please one would you be good enough to read the question if you don't mind

Just take a time. What country did Mary Queen of Scots come from? What country did Mary Queen of Scots come from?

So hard would you mind repeating the question?

All right, I'll repeat it. Of course if you mind don't bother

I don't I don't mind. You don't mind what I don't mind repeating the question. You don't know that's sporting Mr.

Hard. Thank you so much Kelly on. Oh, thank you. What country was Mary Queen of Scots from?

What's your name in the country? Ain't that awful? That's the question I may have seen. What became of the other question?

What other question? What about the Queen of Pots?

I don't play Pots like I said Scott from my country was Mary Queen of Scots. She was later in English Queen. Oh boy

You should have seen the Brooklyn Queen I was out with last night

Boy, I tried to kiss her. Yeah, what happened? And she crowned me. He crowned me

I not thought about that kind of Queen this Queen this Queen was a ruler. How long was hard?

Mr. McNaughton you're a perfect idiot. That's what I like about this country. Everybody gets a chance

This is a historic question. Do you know anything about history, Miss McConnell?

I ordered why I made enough of it. I did. Well, Mary Queen of Scots was a historical character.

Well, Mary historical, Mr. Howard. Some of your own men did. No, no.

You know me and my own men get historical every time we have a fight. No, you mean historical.

I mean historical. We dig up the pass.

You know, you know, I had a fight with my wife last night. Oh don't you know Mr. McNaughton before you start fighting?

You should count up to ten. I did. But you should have seen what he did to me while I was counting.

You know, it's made a fight. I used to be a fighter. I fought kid Williams, kid Brody, kid Sweeney,

and then my manager double crossed me. Oh really? How? He run out of kids and he made me fight a full grown man.

I think my own man is starting to be a fighter. Yep. He spends all his time punching the bag.

Well, why don't you punch him back? Well, I...

You know, I... I tried to fight him once. Did you make any money? Or rather, yes.

How much did you get a fight? $10 down and $10 when I got up.

I've done the canvas so much they call me Mona Lisa. Mona Lisa McNaughton they call me.

Very nice name. Can we please get back to the question? What was the question, Mr. Howard?

Are you paying attention? That's a good question. Who said that is?

What was the question? Are you paying attention?

I'm not Johnny.

And now who's our next guest?

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Next guest is Howard. He's a very lovely and charming young lady from Uncle Sam's Navy.

Yoman Third Class Alice King of the Wave.

Hi.

Good evening, Miss King. And welcome to a place figured.

How are you this evening, Miss King?

Just fine.

Well, that's fine. You certainly do look.

But very glad to have you with us. Where's your home?

Des Moines, Iowa.

Oh, Des Moines, Iowa.

Oh, yes, yes, of course.

That's an Iowa, isn't it, Mr. Howard?

That's right.

Des Moines.

Yeah, that's right.

I'm awfully clever enough.

I sure say you are.

Shall we go until the next question?

Let's make naught and I bet when the snakes get drunk, they see you.

They are.

You know, I have a brother who works in Des Moines.

Not in Iowa, though, Des Moines, Pennsylvania.

I see.

Shuffle's cold.

Shuffle's cold.

Shuffle's cold.

Yeah, I expected that from you, Mr. Sheller.

I went down a seawater and I got an awful cold and Detroit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I had a barren new jersey.

I see.

Pepe warmer.

Will you stay home for a change?

You'll be all over the nation.

Play no attention to them, Miss King.

What are you doing in New York?

Your station here or something?

No, no, I'm having lots of fun.

Oh, Scott and you.

Are you station here?

Yes, I work in Navy catalog office and do general office work.

Oh, the general and the Navy catalog.

Oh, that's making up catalogs.

Is that right?

Well, we help out.

Oh, you help out.

Well, maybe you could help me out.

Do you know if the new series robot catalog is up?

You don't do that in it.

No.

Well, I didn't know, you know.

It's basically, you know, that's the name of the show.

How long have you been in the service?

A little over a year.

A year.

That's fine.

How do you like it?

It's for you.

Real well.

You're good.

Good.

I'm going to get them fixed next week.

What?

What did you do in the mines before you went into the service?

I worked in an office in the general office.

Oh, you've done general office by bookkeeping,

stenography and stuff like that.

You ever take any dictation?

No.

You never took any?

Then you're not married?

No.

She's a nice little wave, though.

I just sit here admiring.

Oh, you're wise.

You know, I went over to Jersey to see a little wave last week.

She just finished her basic training this hour.

Yes.

Next week, we go on manoeuvres.

Dave.

Dave, I know you've gotten interrupted in your manoeuvres.

I've aspired around and she gave me a work.

I did.

Mrs. Jellen, remind me to put razor blades in your corn plate.

What do you want?

I could chew them up again.

I'll play.

How do you like New York, Miss King?

I like it real well.

It's a celebrity town.

It's a lot.

A celebrity town.

A celebrity town.

Just what do you mean by a celebrity town?

Well, they give the service people a lot of opportunities

to go to all the shows and everything.

Oh, they give the service all well last night.

I'm glad to hear that.

Yes, New York has a great reputation

for treating the service people very nice,

as I suppose you've seen a lot of shows.

That's right.

Aha.

What show do you see?

Full practically all of them.

Oh, which one did you like best?

I like them all.

Oh, you do?

Well, that's fine.

You should be on that stick in your chin out.

What are you doing after the show tonight?

Never mind.

Mrs. Jellen, that's too much, Liberty.

Thank you.

They don't have a passenger to whom it's like that before.

We're going to throw them up.

Fish, any minute.

I think the lady's very charming.

Very pretty.

Very attractive.

Fascinating.

Well, I know that.

Very nice piece of brickabreck.

Listen, make not.

When did you first come to know that you're like girls?

When I found out they went boys.

I...

You know what I mean?

I'm going to a fancy dress ball with a sailor tomorrow night.

You're going to a fancy dress ball?

Yes.

I am.

I don't know.

I said I'd die.

I don't know what to go with.

Don't know what to go with.

No.

Why don't you take a trunk with you and go with an elephant?

Shut up, you old chowder.

What?

I say.

The four chowder is long and loud, man.

What are you doing with the chowder?

What's that?

Long Island chowder.

I say.

I'm doing the favor while you're here, Miss King.

I'm reaching out to the dumpscaps of Johnny Owens

and pick out a question for us if you don't mind.

And when you get one, would you be good enough to read it, please?

How many wheels has a bicycle?

Very nice.

How many wheels is a bicycle?

Just how?

Well, that'd be a man's bicycle or a woman's bicycle.

Well, this is a thought.

Don't worry about it.

It doesn't make any difference.

Don't worry about it.

Don't worry about it.

Why do they make men's bicycles and women's bicycles?

Why do they make them all alike?

Why do they make them all alike?

Why do they discriminate?

Answer me that if you can't mind flying feathered friends.

Then just yell in your pool.

Flattery won't get you no praise for me.

And don't invade the question.

Don't try to get out of answering it either.

I'm not even trying to answer your question.

Mr. How, that isn't fair.

We try to answer your question.

You're quite naturally.

We expect the same cooperation from you.

Suppose we've made no effort to answer your question.

Yeah.

Where would you be?

Then you wouldn't get an answer then, at all.

I never get an answer now.

I wouldn't say that, Mr. How?

What's that?

I wouldn't say that, Mr. How?

Why wouldn't you say it?

Because you just said it.

Probably because I didn't say it.

And I told you.

I know copycat.

All right.

Do you mean you don't know how many wheels a bicycle has?

Why are the answers in the word itself?

Yeah, but what's the word?

Yeah, but what word?

I think I know the word.

The thing not knows the word?

What he does.

Don't tell him it's an ignoble.

Is that fine?

I think not.

What is the word, please?

The word?

Wheels.

Wheels.

How do you figure that out?

Yeah, how do you figure that out?

Will you stop repeating everything?

Well, you see, if a bicycle only had one wheel,

Mr. Howard would have used the singular.

He would have said, how many wheels is a bicycle?

And as much as he said, how many wheels has a bicycle?

We must accept the fact that the bicycle has more than one wheel.

Yeah, but how do we know he's telling the truth?

Yeah, how do we know he's telling the truth?

Well, we'll presume that he is, you see.

So with that cue to work on it,

all we have to do now is figure out the exact number of wheels the bicycle has.

It's perfectly simple.

This is Ignore and that's marvelous.

What's marvelous about it?

Yeah, what's marvelous about it?

I don't think it's marvelous.

But the shuttle don't think it's marvelous.

Please, I have word wrong.

We know now is that the bicycle has more than one wheel,

but how many wheels more than one wheel?

That's trying to be figured out.

That's the toughest job ahead of us, yeah?

No, but wheels is not the word to give you the clue.

Then what's the idea of trying to do to see us like that?

Have we got enough trouble trying to figure these problems out without you giving us four cues?

Yeah, I've had anything for.

Now, why don't you take a tape back the way you got it?

Look, don't any of you know what the prefix BI means?

Mr. Howard, would you repeat that, what did you say?

I say, don't any of you know what the prefix BI means?

Now he's talking about vitamins.

I'm not talking about vitamins.

I said BI meaning two.

Oh, there are two bicycles.

Oh, when did you say so before?

Oh, he's a sneaky little guy, that guy.

You can't be tricky.

Look, Blaze, there's only one bicycle.

Look, cycle means wheel, BI means two.

How many wheels has a bicycle?

But how, that's the question going till next week.

In the meantime, the next bicycle I see, I'll make it my business account, the wheels,

and I'll let you know I'll phone you.

That's a very good idea, Miss Nicknoth.

So you know, I am a bicycle, but when I went riding, I never noticed whether it had wheels on it or not.

Oh, really?

You ride a bicycle, Miss Johnson.

Oh, certainly.

Well, tell me, how do you keep your trousers from getting caught in the stocket?

I have clamps in my pants.

Well, that's what I told previously, and of a rope, which is where the experts belong.

We'd like to have you all listen again next week.

Now, here's that half-calling bar tone to tell you what we mean when we say...

It says...

Don't be arguing for the record.

That's all.

See with us again next week.

And here, it's proven again by Tom Howard, Louisville McConnell, George Shelton and Harry Nicknothi,

that it pays to the ignorant.

Ken Roberts speaking, this is the Armed Forces Radio Service.

At Amica Insurance, we know it's not just what's inside your home that matters.

It's who you share it with.

That's why we work even harder to protect it.

And as a mutual insurance company, we're built for our customers.

We prioritize your needs and are here for you when you need us.

Amica, empathy is our best policy.

Visit amica.com and get a quote today.

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