Inside the Sports Studio: The Pablo S. Torre Interview

What do MLB and the NFL have in common?

Well, I guess a lot, play clocks and ball.

For the purposes of this conversation,

what I'm getting at is both their seasons this year,

open on a Wednesday.

Yeah, Roger's League is just a Tuesday here

there for making like baseball and being in every day's sport.

Now, I don't know if you like that,

but I do like the spirit of stealing from our former

national pastime and some other sports, too,

to punch up football a bit.

Yeah, it's already great, but it could get even better.

Here's a few thoughts in that direction.

First, fix the lame in-game punishment mechanism,

aka the yellow flag.

Guys are out there committing crimes of passion

and all they get is a flag thrown at them?

Pretty lame.

Also lame.

If you commit an error in MLB,

they put an E up on the scoreboard.

I guess that stands for EEC.

If you want to stop discouraging recidivism,

you need stronger deterrents,

like in basketball.

When there's a file,

they let your victim take free shots

and they make you stay in there like a jackass

watching from just a few feet away.

Maybe even better,

the NHL has a whole box for its rules violators.

What Ned and that other guy in Pulp Fiction

did with the Gimp?

Hockey refs due to jerks and skates.

So in football,

where guys have to sit in a blue tent

if they get bonked on the head,

and it'll only be justice for the guy

who did the bonking to have to go sit in a shame tent,

and make sure it's see-through.

Or maybe making just play the rest of the game nude.

No bad ideas here.

Next, the English Premier League has relegation,

which would be fantastic.

There's never a year in which some dumb fans

don't ruminate about whether

college football's best team

could beat the NFL's worst team,

spoiler alert they couldn't,

but if only to approve a point, let's do it.

It'll be great for everyone,

except those poor Ohio State buck guys.

I don't know how they'll rebuild their self-esteem

after losing to the Jets.

It'll be at the last second on a field goal,

but still.

Next, pro footballs got better players,

but college footballs got a better soundtrack.

Soccer, too.

And their fans are the ones who provide that soundtrack.

Why don't we do Nice Acapella songs

my fellow football Americans?

At least we get the fight songs on Saturdays.

But we need more on Sundays.

There's Bear Down Chicago Bears

making every play on the way to victory

and hail to the commies or whatever they call that team.

And the Steelers Polka,

where we're from, that town with, that great football team.

Bap, bap, bap, and fly Eagles fly.

But where the rest of yet?

I thought this was a copycat league.

Next, the Lombardi Trophy sleek and stylish

and a minimalist kind of way, I guess.

But no one would debate the Stanley Cup

and Highsmen or more iconic.

And that's a problem when the NFL's

by far and away are most popular sport.

Why do we know who won the Highsmen a decade ago

but not the NFL MVP?

The cool trophy with the cool name.

That's why the NFL needs to do that.

Pick your enduring legend.

I'd say Walter Payton,

but he's already got a really cool trophy.

Tom Brady maybe?

Could make it deflatable?

I don't know.

Let me know what you think.

Next, pretty much every other professional sport

has a minor league system.

So pro football should have one of its own

and wouldn't you know it?

The CFL's just sitting there.

Serendipity.

Now, please don't confuse me with the crazy old guy

who wants to take over the whole country.

But I do think both sides of the border

would ultimately be happier.

And despite the short term ego below,

I know the Canadian league would ultimately be way more

relevant.

Come on up board, rough riders.

You too, rough riders.

Can't you see?

It's not that football's not already great.

It's that we have a chance to make it even better.

Oh, and one more thing in that regard.

If baseball managers have to wear their full uniform,

then NFL head coach you should have to suit up too.

Show some solidarity, fellas.

Let's start the show.

Yes, hi, hello, my fellow football Americans.

Welcome to football America presented as ever

by Draft Kings.

Draft Kings, the crown is yours.

We've got Pablo Tore coming up.

Can't wait to talk with him.

Big time celebrity guy who was investigating

athletic celebrities and otherwise.

Now a celebrity himself.

Multiple Emmy nominations.

All the rest of it.

Excited for that.

And before we do get to that,

first things first, subscribe.

Please wherever you find podcasts and to our YouTube page.

Football America is how you track that down on the YouTube

and spread the good word.

And while you're in YouTube, please more conversation on there.

I'd like to steer everything away from social media large

and specifically into the YouTube comments section.

So we can have a rolling back and forth.

And now let's say hello to our pals.

Geno and Mike, Mike and Geno Fwentez behind the glass

of Miami, Florida.

It's episode number 57.

So Geno Fwentez, let's get to it.

The greatest player to wear the number 57

in NFL history and sports history at large.

Okay, NFL.

This is kind of an old number.

Really, we got a few.

We got Tom Jackson, Dwight Stevenson.

If we want to take it for the dolphins, Mike.

I mean, there's a few Steelers on here,

but who's worth mentioning really?

Let's just move on.

K rod.

The closer for the end of him, Angels.

Wait, wasn't that what I went through the world series

in ought to against the Gigantics.

Barry Barnes with the Gigantic head and all of his teammates.

Game six, that iconic one.

I was there for that.

And he was behind John wetland who was the closer.

He was the eighth inning guy.

And that was when that sort of emerged.

That was during that air in major league baseball and happy baseball

season.

Everybody out there who who follows along.

Yeah, with those glasses and he was scrawny and otherwise

so he cut a distinct figure out there.

And in that world series, Barry Barnes hit the longest home run

I think I've ever seen in my life.

Unless it was that one and hoed by Jose Conceco and Skydome.

The longest one I ever saw in my life was Glen Allen Hill

in Rigglyfield in the bottom of the A.

That one is iconic on the north side of Chicago.

He hit it.

And I don't know if it went through a window on wavelength

or wherever it went, but it was a moon ball one way or the other.

And the reason I remember that one is because did you guys

Gino and Mike, you ever play mound ball at Marlins games or elsewhere?

Don't know what you're talking about.

Mound ball is at the end of every half inning.

Of course, once the final out is recorded, the catcher

or first baseman or whoever records that out always rolls the ball

back at the mound and mound ball is everybody in your group.

Antes up a dollar or $10 or $20 or $100 or whatever you want.

And everybody anties that up into a hat.

And if the ball stays on the mound, because as you may have noticed,

it's slope.

So the ball is disinclined to stay atop the hill.

It usually will roll off.

But if it stays on there, you win that money.

My friends and I played that for a while at Rigglyfield.

We were regulars going to Riggly when we all lived around there.

But it was a little too passive.

So then we came up with home run ball, which was more dynamic.

And everybody, every batter you would put,

you would auntie up again, whatever, $10, $20, whatever.

And then every batter, if your guy didn't hit a home run and instead made an out,

you had to put a dollar into the cap.

And if he was looking at a third strike, $2.

And if he hit it into a double play, $2.

But if he got a hit or a walk, you didn't have to put anything into the hat.

And every batter you pass the hat until somebody hits a home run.

And on that one, we were in a really large group.

It was one of my friends brought like 10 other guys.

And there was like $1,200 in it, which was a massive amount of loot.

It still is.

A massive amount of loot for somebody who was 23.

And I won all that money in one fell shot.

The thing is though, part of the deal is that if you win that money,

you have to spend it on booze for everybody.

So I was left with roughly $11 after I bought everybody a beer.

But still, it was a memorable moment.

Thank you for listening to my story about mound ball that turned into home run ball.

And give it a try your next big league ball game.

We need the NFL version.

We need a football version of that is what I'm getting at.

Sounds like everyone got drunk.

That's my read.

We may have shown up.

We may have shown up to the ballpark that way.

Maybe we just continued going in that direction.

Mike Fuentez or Gino did my opening remarks inspire you in any direction.

Do you have anything that we can steal?

I just volunteered mound ball.

I don't know what the NFL version of that would be.

But what could we take from another sport to jazz up the NFL a little bit more?

Okay.

Let me see.

We got we talked about this a little bit power plays from the NHL.

Yeah.

If you have let's say let's call it a personal foul penalty that brings that up.

You have a personal foul penalty.

You lose a player for the rest of the drive.

No.

I don't like that.

You don't like that one?

No.

Sounds fun to me.

I do like more points than the NFL.

It's all about how?

I mean, you get a pass at your appearance now.

Yeah, but you're in a 10.

You're off the tap the quarterback on the face mask when you're rushing him in its 15 yards.

So like we don't need anything to help them anymore on it.

I mean, my the cheap one to say is fighting.

But I don't want to lose a guy for two minutes either.

You know, so it's it's even though it would be pretty epic if like an offensive lineman

and a DN just throw off their helmets because you got that's what the hockey players do.

They take their helmets off.

Take the gloves off.

And they start the ref just let go of the second they go down.

That's it.

Yeah.

You know, the thing is I don't think you'd be able to keep the other like gigantic people away from each other.

Yeah.

What's the fifth starting throw?

So the idea.

Well, well, what it might inspire though is much like hockey has.

It has goons.

Would you start?

Well, I guess NFL players are all by definition.

The entire defensive line on the other side is goons.

I guess you already have a bunch of pugilist ready to go, right?

I guess.

Well, maybe you make it Mike.

Maybe that the the solution is you're allowed to fight, but it has to it can only be your kickers.

Oh, no.

What what if like we take maybe good like MMA because they could kick you.

Yeah.

Well, how about we just take those two guys and we separate them to like a pen.

Like a like a squared circle off on the side.

Yes.

So that way you don't have other guys trying to jump in, you know, and then maybe even better you electrify the fence.

There you go.

Now that really keeps everybody out.

It keeps these guys been doing it.

And that's there you go.

And then who you know after that, it's, you know, we'll say five dry.

You know, it's five minutes major for fighting.

We'll just say five drives.

I can't play for five drives.

All right.

I got one.

How about it?

How about if you do this?

You go five place.

What soccer does here?

You just have a running clock the whole time.

And at the end of the game, when the clock runs out, the referee decides an arbitrary amount of time

that they can play it.

Only he knows the amount of time that's left of the game.

Even better.

At the beginning of the season, we get every team like like the Walter Payment of the Year award,

except everybody picks a fighter.

And they all go to a secret island in the middle of the center of Central Asia.

And they have a kumate.

Right.

And then the winner of the NFL blood sport, they automatically make the playoffs.

And we'll play the season.

How about that?

Well, listen, if they're not doing, I don't know if you saw that flag football drive.

And I really am anxious to talk with Pablo about that and who it benefits.

If they, if they can now, and the league has signed off on them running around out there.

And you know, they literally were getting knocked down to the ground and everything.

You couldn't do the old superstars competition at the Catalan of actually popular sports like,

you know, 50 yard dash and closest to the pin.

And now, you know, I've long wanted to do this with my friends.

I just them too lazy to actually organize it.

But they used to have on TV, the superstars competition.

There was an obstacle course and a bike race and everything else.

We could have all of that and fighting can be one of the events.

Let's not just have it be MMA or or pugilism.

But that is just one of the 10 or 12 events we have.

This a just a little, a little powwow here and look at how we've just improved football.

I hope Roger Gidell, I trust Roger Gidell is listening.

Before we get the Pablo, a couple of other things I've been thinking about.

This isn't a new thought for me.

I don't understand why we call pants pants as in plural.

When it's only one item of clothing, I understand there are two pant legs.

But you get the pluralization when you say two pant legs, much as you do when you say two shirt sleeves.

They're shirt sleeves because they're two of them.

But it's a shirt.

You understand?

Why doesn't it give me my pants?

I want my pants.

I need to put on my pants so I can go.

Why would I put on pants?

That implies I'm putting on two things, doesn't it?

And when you pull on your pants, what do they cover up?

They cover up your butt.

So if we're going to pluralize what's covering your butt, why aren't we pluralizing butt?

Well, technically, technically they also cover up your balls, all right, which is plural.

So you chose to go.

And that's my point.

But there's two butt cheeks as well.

There are two butts.

Two butt cheeks and two balls.

It's one butt.

But right, but I think we accept as a society and we did long ago that your butt is your butt.

But in fact, they're really two of them.

They're side by side.

They're two cheeks make a butt.

Just like the two balls make a sack.

Make a ball sack.

Correct.

Okay.

Well, then how come two pant legs don't make a pant?

Anything about that?

And what?

No, I don't.

I never thought about that actually.

Actually, balls equal nuts, but I'm not talking about those kind of nuts.

Another thing I was thinking about the other day, because I enjoy nuts, the kind that you

eat.

And I enjoy the deluxe pack, except what I don't like is the sucker nut, the big one.

I forget what it's called every time I ever think about it.

Sucker nut.

I don't want to honor it by knowing it's a real name, but it's the big one.

And it consumes like two thirds of the can and nuts.

And they call them deluxe nuts.

And you think like, well, I'm fancy.

I'm going to get those because it has pistachios and cashews and almonds along with peanuts.

But it also comes with that gigantic, that big sucker nut in there that nobody wants.

And that has no taste.

It's value is to the nut makers is that it consumes the whole thing and you got to pay

for it.

And it comes along with all the other nuts.

And so they just throw them all in there.

I can't think of what that dang nuts called, but I don't want to know what it's called.

But I'm not going to eat them.

But anyway, whether you're eating the deluxe nuts or you're eating peanuts or almonds or cashews

or shame the devil, the sucker nut, what they have in common is they're all snack item.

But they're the worst snack item bar none to eat with a sandwich.

How say you ride?

Like is it really properly a snack item if it can't ride shotgun with your sandwich?

I don't know.

I wouldn't like, I consider cookies a snack, but I wouldn't have it with a side of sandwich.

And he's aren't a snack.

They're a treat.

Okay.

Now that's fucking semantics.

All right.

What would a Pablo say?

What would it mean?

What did Pablo say?

Those are just semantics.

Those are semantics.

Get to the Pablo interview.

Oh, they're not a snack.

They're a treat.

What?

What do you think it's a treat to anything I want it to be?

What are you?

You on the payroll, a big nut here or something?

My point is that you wouldn't, it can't be a snack item.

Sometimes I treat myself with a big nut if you know what I'm saying.

Well, I don't know why we're working blue here.

I'm trying to have a nice conversation with you about something important and you have to turn it into something ugly.

All right.

I just think I like what you got going.

Because you just want nuts to be chips.

That's all you want.

You just want nuts to be chips and they're not.

Okay, we get it.

Nuts are not chips.

Awesome.

No, I don't.

Nuts are not french fries.

We got it.

I enjoy a nice pretzel with my sandwich sometimes.

No, you don't.

That's a lie.

That's a lie.

How dare you, sir.

Oh, but you're thinking like you're thinking of like hard little pretzel.

It's not big soft pretzel.

That's why he's okay.

I get you.

I don't need a soft.

These are all bar snacks, bowl of pretzels, bowl of nuts with the beer.

That's it.

I don't need to wear my sandwich.

A soft pretzel is its own thing that you get at the bowl.

Yes, but the hard pretzels.

What's the name of the pretzel that comes in the bag?

A hard pretzel.

Yes.

You had the first time.

What's it called?

It's a hard pretzel.

No, I know, but what's the name of the brand?

What's the most famous brand of this?

I don't know what they're called.

They didn't pay for advertising on the show anyway.

They're Snyder's of Berlin and then they're Snyder's of the other one.

I can't think of what that one is, but why?

Of all the people, all the surnames on the planet earth, two pretzel makers, both named Snyder,

have the two most popular pretzels in the world, that's fascinating.

I think that's a good thing for Pablo to investigate.

Maybe we should get to him right now.

Instead, let me tell you this or ask you guys what you think about this.

My sister Debbie sent me a meme and it was a hypothetical and it was, you get a billion

dollars if you can call somebody in your, in your list of contacts and they don't answer.

If you call that number right now and they don't answer, you win a million dollars.

Who would you call?

And she said, I would call you, David.

And I said wrong.

I said, I said you're wrong because I've conditioned you through decades of hard work,

of, of forcing you to live my way.

I'm not going to live in your world.

You're going to live in mine.

Everybody in the family now knows, don't call Dave on the phone.

He's not going to answer, but that means when you do call me, it's got to be an emergency.

Someone must have kicked.

So I do answer when I see your name.

So if you did call me, I would answer and you would win a billion dollars and I would

say, who died when you answered the phone and then you would say, nobody.

In fact, I'm a billionaire and I would say, can I borrow some money?

That's how that conversation would go.

So she's a dope and now I hope she doesn't call me because she doesn't deserve a billion

dollars for her lack of faith.

I'll say you guys.

But wouldn't she be more upset that you picked up because then she wouldn't be a billionaire?

All right.

She wouldn't win the billion.

Yeah.

So that should be upset at you too for picking up.

That's what you can't win.

This is a loose situation.

A loose situation.

Just cooked.

All right.

Go eat some nuts, Mike Fuentes.

Here we go.

Let's get the Pablo Tory.

Hi, hello, my fellow football Americans.

Quick reality check.

Have you noticed that after a night out, things just hit a little differently than they used

to?

Yikes old age.

Like, I've got early mornings workouts and a packed schedule and even a couple of drinks

can throw off my sleep and next day energy.

If you track your sleep at all, you can literally just about see it.

That's why I've been using cheer specifically.

There were store capsules.

There's something I actually keep on my night's day and now and how about this?

This is not jive.

I gave one to my wife who is not somebody who bends the elbow constantly, but did go on

a twister last Saturday night.

She took one and woke up right as rain on Sunday morning.

Here's the deal.

It all affects more than just hydration.

It also impacts your brain and your liver.

Cheers restores designed as a dual action after alcohol aid with ingredients that support

both.

It was originally developed from research into a compound called DHM, which has been studied

for how it works in the body after drinking.

You don't need to know all that, but I've just told it to you anyway.

And it's not some tiny brand.

Cheers has been featured on Shark Tank.

It's in thousands of stores like CVS and Walgreens.

And they've got thousands of strong reviews online and I just gave you one more in the

last 30 seconds.

What I like is how simple it is.

You can take a few capsules after your last drink or before bed and it helps you feel

way more like yourself the next day, especially if you're having just a normal night out,

not going way overboard.

Same night out, way better morning with cheers for a limited time.

Our listeners are getting 20% off their entire order by using code FBA at cheershealth.com.

And use code FBA for 20% off, do it or shame the devil.

After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard it from.

Please take support the show and tell them you heard it from your old pal Dave and all

the other football Americans on football America.

Thanks and cheers.

Oh, time to get fancy everybody.

We have a three time Emmy nominee with us by the way.

Congratulations, muzzle tub, all the rest of it to everybody associated with the great

show Pablo Tore finds out our pals Bailey and Randy and David and a mean and Matt and

everybody else who works on the show.

Good for all of you guys and now the guy whose name is actually a part of that show.

It's Pablo Tore.

Congratulations to you.

How are you, man?

Thanks for the time.

Dude, thank you for already being better at incorporating this thing into my own resume.

I have yet to break out that that honorific and now I will do so without fail multiple

times during this program as a three time Emmy nominee.

Thank you.

Well, first things first Pablo, have you considered if you do win one?

Let's just say one.

Let's not get greedy.

You get one.

Have you considered how you'll handle your acceptance speech?

You know, I, this is sincere answer, which I'll give you, which is that our staff is

so we don't know where we're so we're so we're so overworked and tired that I will genuinely

thank everybody for being terrible parents and husbands and wives in order for us to drink

from the chalice of external validation.

That is the first response that I will have.

And the second thing is that I will abide by the lesson of Tony Cornheye's who keeps his

sports Emmys as he has told me numerous times in his bathroom.

And so I aspire to do both of those things with no guarantee.

Of course, that either of those things will be will be presented to me, but it is it is

it is a delight to contemplate.

I've had the occasion to provide counsel.

No one's taking it.

I haven't been an Emmy nominee myself directly, but I'd like to think that I would actually

do this that if I want an Oscar and Emmy or I would throw a big party for everybody

who helped get me there and thank them one by one sincerely, but I would use my limited

time to call out everybody who ever doubted me.

That's a good idea.

Right use of your time.

And you can do it right.

If I could try a run right now, if you'd like to, if I, I would like to also shit on

the guy that Michael Jordan invented as the reason he's good at basketball, that like

JV basketball player who was just like at home being like, what?

Why am I being criticized at the basketball hall of fame induction for the greatest athlete

of all time?

What did I do?

I need to invent someone.

I need to invent someone so I can be mad at them.

And then in a turn of events that are surprising to everybody, start weeping and become immortalized

as a meme.

I need to do these things in the honor of the greatest ever do it.

You have a little bit of time to get your ducks in a row.

This is good work shopping though.

Yeah.

I mean, you're talking with senators about prediction markets now on the show.

It was a ban or episode or in fact series about the NFL PA ongoing.

The 18 week schedule seems like it's all but a certainty and sooner rather than later.

All the other great work.

As we jump into that though, I mentioned at the top of the show, I feel like your work

has coincidentally or ironically propelled you into being a celebrity yourself.

You're talking to all the big shots and now you're one yourself.

I think it warrants treating you that way.

If you remember inside the actor studio, James Lipton used to wrap it up with that question

air from Bernard Pivo.

I think I'm going to give Pablo the Bernard Pivo question.

Do you have a stack?

Well, you don't have any blue index cards though, mercifully.

No.

You don't have like the Liptonian just like stack.

This voice, this voice limits my ability to do impressions.

I wish I could do a James Lipton, but I'm not going to even try it here.

Pablo.

You're the best.

What's your favorite word?

God.

You know, my actual, my favorite word, Dave is journalism and allow me to gag on my

own vomit by embodying the parody of myself that I have become.

I mean, I'll give you a word that I do think of in times like this.

I'm in New York.

You're not.

And the word, apricity, the word, apricity refers to the warmth of sun in winter, walking

around.

Remember what was like on the East Coast?

It's cold, brutal, character building, actually.

And then the sun will peek out and an array of sunshine will catch your face and

despite the fragility, you will think to yourself, apricity, warmth, possible, despite

all of these horrific conditions.

And that's what it's like to do journalism and sorry, sorry, you didn't even have to

check one of your extra cell phones that you keep in front of you.

Even while you're doing shows and otherwise like real journalists these days do apricity.

I like that one quite a bit.

What's your least favorite word?

Oh gosh.

Mmm.

Um, oh man.

So this is the, the real answer is like, I guess it is, it is a word, it can hyphenate it.

This is my staff, I, I become a tiger parent to my staff, meaning that I am the immigrant

parent who abuses them if we don't get an A.

And B plus, B plus, Dave, it's not good enough.

It's not, not up to our standards.

It's like, you know, we think we're good, but you're not, you're lying to yourself.

That's enough.

Um, B plus is my least favorite word, actually, thank you for asking.

Wow.

Motivational.

I love it.

This also makes me think that if James Lipton were doing this, this, your answers are too

long for the end of show.

Yeah.

Go ahead.

Question A.

Going poorly.

Why were James Lipton?

We would not even have time left over to discuss why, why you got into the craft of acting

like, you know, Bob, you know, was I nervous when I met Robert De Niro, sure I was, but,

you know, Bob is such a generous partner doing scene work.

It's why I got it.

You know, like, but we're not going to have time for any of that.

Yeah.

Very quickly.

I did.

We just had a little debate here and it got sideways before you joined us.

Mike Fuentez said that his favorite snack is a cookie, but a cookie's not a snack.

When did I say my favorite snack was a cookie?

I never said that.

I never said it was a snack.

No, I never said it was favorite.

I said, you don't have cookies with a sandwich.

That's all I said.

You don't eat cookies with a sandwich.

That's all I said.

Nobody in the history of the world has had a Philadelphia cheese stick with a side of cookies.

No one does it.

But I said that you can't, but I said nuts are a snack food, but they, but they can't

ride shotgun with a sandwich.

What does that have to do with anything?

Well, because then you brought up the cookies are a snack and they're not.

So what you're saying is that I can never have a snack unless I have a sandwich with it,

because I'm never having a snack unless it comes with a sandwich.

That's basically what you said.

That makes no sense.

I mean, I think the association with what a snack is is that it rides shotgun too.

It's the one that's a side.

That's a side.

That's a side.

If I go to a restaurant, I get a sandwich.

I get something on the side.

It's a side.

Is that a snack?

I'll do the pivo questionnaire with you once Pablo moves on to something else.

Can I please speak with the guests again?

Is, do you agree that a nut is a, that that's a, a shortcoming of the snack food item called a nut Pablo?

You're asking me our cookies, snacks and our nuts, snacks.

Those are, that's a double barrel proposition or what do you know?

I guess so.

Well, because a cookie is not a dessert.

And I think people would call it that, but it's not that either.

I agree.

My constitutional standard is very simple.

It's what's in a lunchable.

You familiar with lunchables?

Sure.

Sure I am, of course.

Yeah.

There's, there's, there's, there's a, there's a cookie in that thing.

They give you a cookie.

I'm going, I'm, I'm, I'm saying cookie snack, cookie snack.

Snack.

Nut?

I don't see any lunchables.

Not seeing that in a lunchable.

Oh, that didn't work out the way you thought it was going to, Dave.

No, no, no.

I'm thrilled.

I'm thrilled for you.

Enjoy, enjoy.

Hey, Pablo, here's the thing I've noticed is that everybody, you know, if they are on the wrong

side of some of your investigations or their supporters of teams or individuals or otherwise,

it seems like I see on your social media feed a lot of people coming at you like you hate

sports.

And I'm sure that's not the case because it also bleeds through in almost every conversation

that I hear you have.

And they're always recorded.

It's not like I'm, I'm eavesdropping on your private conversations just to make that

really.

Wouldn't be alone.

Essentially.

It's like, it seems to me that you don't just enjoy sports, but you are in fact a diehard

sports fan.

True.

It's, it's, it's funny for this to be my PR challenge.

Do I love sports enough guy who's only professionally worked in sports?

It'd be a very funny bit of self-loathing if I hated sports, but immediately only did

sports for money.

Yeah, man.

Like, I, my origin story as a human in, in all of the ways that I guess are increasingly

a thing that I should take pride in.

Like yeah, I was like radicalized by like the 92 dream team.

David Stern is responsible on some level, like his, his whole, his, his psi op worked.

I grew up writing down statistics into little notebooks.

I grew up learning about the dream team as if they were superheroes.

I grew up a sad parallel band of the New York Knicks, while also weirdly having that whole

thing of like, I do think Michael Jordan is Superman though.

I'm wearing a, I'm wearing my, it's opening.

I mean, the Yankees blew out the giants.

I am wearing my Yankees, uh, Jersey right now.

It's my 55 Matsui, um, because we're also doing an investigation into him, which I should

not spoil any further, but like, I love, I love the New York Yankees, despite it

at all.

Um, yeah, I, I don't know how to credibly convince people who wonder whether I really

like sports.

Um, I don't know how to do that without showing them like the, the actual cardboard boxes

in my parents apartment of all the cards I've collected, which are again, pathetic, um,

but real, very, very, very real.

Um, so yeah.

Yeah.

Fantastic.

And, you know, I'm at the, pretty much at the other end of the spectrum, which is people

challenge whether or not I know anything because I like to jag around.

And I'm such a homer, but I think the conclusion is the same.

What I think and what I want are two different things, um, as long as you can figure out where

that line is, I think you're in good shape.

Yes.

I, my heart would, would love for certain events to happen on the fields of play.

It doesn't mean I think they're going to happen.

Look, my thing as a matter of, can you love something, but also criticize it and investigate

it and make the people who do it hate you, uh, is, is, I don't want to go like, uh, you

need me on that wall here, but just generally I, I just have felt more like a guy who believes

in the sappy motivational speech a coach gives in a locker room as time has gone on.

I, I actually, I, I am like, yes, sports should be a place where like fair play matters

and the rules matter and I don't know, it's like, yeah, I actually do feel that now.

Um, and so my version of sports that I love is a different burden from yours.

I am, I am the guy who's like, can we just get it to be the version of sports where people

aren't like corrupting it and therefore ruining my childhood, uh, retroactively?

I would like to not have wasted all of this time.

That's great.

And by the way, that would be an interesting investigation at what point, um, in recorded

history did motivational speeches in the locker rooms largely stop working because that's

a 20, 20th century method and Bill Bella check, do your job.

Just listen to what I'm telling you.

Don't go outside anything that I'm telling you.

Just do this one thing for 60 minutes and we'll win.

That's the winning message.

The Marty shot in a heimers of the world like, there's a gleam and this is your one

opportunity and for the rest of your life, you'll treasure this moment.

If you get it right too much pressure, coach, we're already, we're, we already know

the stakes.

Man, now you're, what do you feel the weight of the world?

What do you mean the inches we need are everywhere around us?

What do you mean?

You got plenty.

You want more inches?

You know, in the age of free agency and all the rest of it and the how much a specific

Jersey costs to get a player's name on the back of it, you don't want to make mistakes

because that guy could leave town five months later.

And now you're left holding this Jersey with nothing to do with it.

So let's say you're on a tight budget.

You can only get one or two or three of the best New York specific jerseys, which are

the ones that you want as a New York City sports fan.

And I will also ask you to name the one, two, three that you definitely don't want.

This is a, this is probably the biggest, I mean, I, by definition, the biggest

list available to any sports town is New York City.

Right.

So you're saying if I, if I can only afford three jerseys to honor my, my, my medal stand

of New York athletes and then the opposite.

Okay.

So number one, I mean, one of them I'm wearing.

So let's just say for the sake of consistency that I do care about Matsui so much that he

deserves to be on that.

Great.

I'm going Charles Oakley, man.

I'm going Charles Oakley.

I love a guy.

So Oak, briefly, Oakley, the patron saint of the security guard being evicted from the

garden by Jim Dolan security guards.

How heartbreaking.

What's that have been for like the security guards to apprehended Oakley to have a single

tear in my, this is how I imagine it.

A single tear rolling down their cheek as they must throw out their favorite human.

And so I will honor Charles Oakley in that regard.

Good thing he went peacefully too, right?

I mean, I wonder how many security guards it could have, it might have taken.

Yeah, exactly.

Man, and then I'm going, look, and I own this literally 17.

I want, I want the Jeremy Lynn, the most fun I ever had as a New York sports

fan. Despite many, many world series was Linsanity and I still, I still have a Jeremy

Lynn Shersey.

It is the most compromised I've ever been journalistically was covering Jeremy

Loonford Sports Illustrated, despite him being also an Asian American Harvard graduate,

who I'd talked to me before he became a person that tablets were rumoring might date

Kim Kardashian, which was an actual thing, uh, stunningly, uh, that we should all remember

that the New York Post once reported.

Um, then the bottom three, oh boy, because I think that sent again from 3000

literal miles away, it's easy for me to say LT 56, a G or two.

I would say Rangers Brian Leach to not mark Messier.

He, you know, he was a carpet bagger.

Brian Leach was your own.

You want him? Oh, sure.

Clyde Frazier, Mookie, um, I love you.

I'm not for a Yankees fan, you understand.

But I so, so yeah, and I, um, look, I have a different criteria for what I choose

to enshrine, but like Benioch Bionny, the Hawaiian punch, Met's outfielder.

I've been claiming him as Filipino, even if he's not for years, he deserves

consideration as well.

Um, gosh, uh, I remember being woken up by my parents to be like, Hey, uh, the

Rangers, they're winning the Stanley Cup in 94.

I mean, being like, I end up into hockey, but not really.

I'm being like, Oh, cool.

Mark Messier, I think I'm my safety for that reason.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Um, but honestly, like, if you, you just name some guys,

it's like, could I be caught dead wearing an L T Jersey in 2026?

No, um, Darryl Strawberry, who we, we tried to book on the show recently because we

want to do an episode, we did an episode and wanted him to be a character in it about

people who've been pardoned by President Donald Trump.

He promised an interview and never delivered on it.

Hard for me to wear a strawberry jersey, uh, for the reasons aforementioned.

Um, it's rough, man.

When Darryl Strawberry comes up, could you believe a New York City at the time while you're

a little kid, obviously, but if anybody would have tapped you on the shoulders, say,

Hey, by the way, you know, Dwight Gooden and Darryl Strawberry, the two, the, the twin stars

of the Metropolitan's in 1988.

If somebody said this to you, neither one of them is going to the Hall of Fame.

You would never believe it.

Dude, I was looking back at Darryl Strawberry's baseball reference, like, Hall of Fame

resume and was still stunned to be like, Oh, he's not even close.

Like, not even close.

Like in my mind, I'm still like, this was the

greatest young hitter in Major League Baseball and he was.

And then everything, of course, happened that explains why you won't take my call at this point.

Um, Chris Dudley is my third.

I'm sorry, man.

You got a ball thrown at you by Chiquillo Neil after he's, you dunked on by Shaq, you

throw the ball at Shaq afterwards.

You go to Yale, you run for Senate, it's horrible.

I'm sorry for letting the, the world, the real world inflect my choices for like the

three least favorite jerseys I would ever purchase.

But it's hard for me to not look at those three guys and be like, what are we doing?

What are we doing, man?

Um, fascinating, fascinating stuff from you there.

Did you hear about the team that, um, it was in last place and, and stayed there

and then their star player ran into the wall and he died right out on the field.

But then he was replaced by this reserve guy, mysterious 35 years of age he was.

And he came out of, I know, mysterious circumstances and one of your peers older than you,

Max Mercy, somehow never could get to the bottom of this until deep into the season.

It was a crazy season, by the way, because the owner of that same baseball team, New

York based was gambling against his team, which is a no, no, you're not allowed to do

all that.

And by the way, I should mention it turns out once Mercy did get to the bottom of this

scandal that the guy who came from nowhere actually got shot by, by a ray in the woman

who didn't like athletes for some reason.

And so she shot him.

Do you, do, do you know about this?

Would you wear a Hobbes number nine?

Yeah, I was going to say I feel like, uh, Roy Hobbes is a person I would have investigated

if I was around.

Yes.

Sorry, it doesn't quite, it doesn't quite add up how natural are you, sir?

That's right.

I have, I have, like, let's, let's talk about Wonderboy.

Let's talk about it.

If we get some tests, let's test that wood.

Wonderboy cracks in the critical moment as I don't have to tell you.

And then he says, uh, he says, uh, go, go pick me out of winter, Billy or Tommy or, uh,

Billy, Billy, Billy, Tommy, Billy, Johnny, Jim, Jimmy, go pick me out of winter.

And the kid goes over grabs the Savoy special.

We're allowed to do that in the bottom of the night.

They're allowed to just go grab a bat and then throw it in there.

The umpest has no questions about this.

Uh, just, just as there was literally a character, uh, in deflate gate,

whose name internally with the Patriots was the def, sorry, it was, you know, it was the deflater.

So two is, is that kid like that, that, that's okay.

Sure.

Let's not ask questions about what he's up to.

The Savoy special hit that that's the, that's the home run bat priceless.

Um, another movie I was thinking about some of these things.

It would be fictional sports, uh, stuff, but that would be great Pablo investigations.

Would be, uh, did you see the game the other night with the star receiver?

He made his ninth catch of the game in the end zone to essentially seal the game

before the nation, but when he caught the ball, he got not cold.

On the field and then he lay prone for a, not, not, not he wasn't out like two of,

for like three, four seconds and then like woke up and like, whoa, what happened?

Kind of thing.

He was out cold for a minute on the field and the doctors and everybody are out there.

Then they finally wake him up and he starts dancing because he's got presumably

some serious head trauma.

He doesn't know what's going on.

He doesn't know where he is.

And then he conducts interviews and is hugging his agent.

They don't take him to the hospital.

They don't do anything with them.

I just didn't dance away there, fella.

That's a great investigation for Jerry McGuire's top client, right?

Look, Rod said well.

I was, I was the other day I was like, is this like, did Michael Irving sue over this?

Like, did he have like, did he have an objection to like, that's clearly based on like me?

This character, um, in all of his like, uh, general aesthetic and vibe.

Um, but yeah, I would like Will Smith,

Dr. Bennett Omalu to have to interview Jerry McGuire over how we want,

we want this to feel real, everybody.

So we're going to break the third at the climax and we, he does have to get tested.

You know, he has to go to the blue tent.

That's right.

And then years later, um, his brain gets donated and, uh, researchers have to

thin slice it for towel, the protein that contains traces of chronic traumatic

and cephalopathy.

Um, yeah, it's a dark, you know, I get why they did it that way.

Honestly, it's probably best that they didn't go that direction.

Uh, box office bars, just a couple more things for you.

Um, uh, back to a reality here.

I don't, I don't want to get up on Mount Pius about this.

But can you explain to me what went on in Los Angeles with the flag football

thing?

I understand it.

I understand it prints bone saw man and Tom Brady made out.

But, but sincerely, what is why I get that the Olympics are going to happen

in two years and so on that level, like showing the world what it looks like,

I guess kind of thing, but why otherwise should normal people be watching this?

You know, uh, I was watching the war in Iran and thinking to myself,

how will this affect the flag football contest that fanatics is putting on with

Tom Brady and Saudi Arabia and low and behold, low and behold,

we got, we got relocated to Los Angeles.

I mean, yeah, exactly.

We could talk about insider trading on polymarket all you want, uh, and Kalshi,

but really the tell happens to be that you had the stars of the NFL,

competing against a bunch of dudes who just clearly, I don't know.

We're willing to do things that tested their ligament strength way more.

Um, we're living in this era in which the greatest,

most powerful, most valuable thing is sports rights.

And so the notion that you can sort of like shoots and ladders your way to being

a new popular sport using the existing popular, well paid,

very famous human beings that play the most popular sport already, uh,

and all you got to do is call it flag football feels like a real,

if it feels like, it feels like a shark tank idea.

Like you say you want more sports in America.

Well, what if I told you sharks that I'm going to give you football,

but not will there be Tom Brady?

Well, yes, for the first one, you know, I was just like again,

and then it goes from there.

Um, it's, it's, uh, I get it.

I get why they're trying it.

Um, why should you care about it?

I think the, the question will be when Tom Brady and Joe burrow and all these,

and Odell Beckham, Jr.

who is just like, you know, whatever, you could, you could do what I had to catch

in the end zone with his leg football.

I guess, um, you could, you could persuade an audience that this is,

this is football, um, just try doing it without the guys who you recognize.

In a way, though, right.

That it by, by that logic, though, it would have been better than for the NFL

guys to whip the guys who are nominally flag football player,

professional flag football players because it undermines that it's football.

If these randos can whip our heroes, I agree.

I agree.

I, I, I, it's like, uh, if the NBA had its all NBA first team,

play slam ball, well, actually, no, that this, now I'm, now I'm already convinced

that that's a good idea.

I would want to watch that.

And I do think the slam ball pros would defeat them without that.

I think about it.

You know, I did color analysis on, uh, on slam ball way back.

Wait, is that right?

Yeah, that's true.

Is that right?

That is true.

Oh my God.

How many, how many concussions did you see in your announcing career?

And that's what I must be some kind of a cynic because I, well,

I am some sort of a cynic as it turns out, I, I, I'm just, I don't know if I'm

going to be on the front line of, uh, of flag football.

I'm going to have to wait, uh, 18 months and see how it goes before I, before

I buy in time is precious.

I'm speaking of which only a couple more here for you.

What would happen for real from as far as you can tell?

What would happen if Spain and let's say Brazil or maybe Mexico or some

combo of those, just said, we're not coming to the world cup.

Where we don't like the looks of things there.

Well, you're, we're making a statement here.

We are actually concerned about our athletes or rather we're, you know, a

spree decor, we're not showing up because of the way you're treating brown

people around, uh, around the globe.

What would happen?

I mean, look at the group that the United States got that was not

accidentally, I think, engineered by FIFA.

We would so immediately in the United States, at the direction of the most

powerful people in our country, immediately not give a shit and proclaim

that we were, in fact, the one true champions.

If that's the way it would have to go.

So you think it would bend to the US is what great news, what great news?

The actual good teams are, I mean, again, I'm not saying that they did the war

in Iran to move like football to LA.

I'm not saying that ice is killing American citizens so that we could

discourage other actual powers and soccer to not show up to the world cup.

I'm just saying a bit of a convenient outcome, a bit of a convenient

outcome from for the US and a, you know, it really does seem though.

Maybe you're right.

I mean, it feels to me like they have actual leverage and could actually

change, you know, what's happening politically by, by making threats like

that. That would be such a black eye or maybe, maybe you're right, um,

speaking of powerful institutions against individuals, um,

the Baltimore Ravens did what they did with tray Hendrix and, and it stinks.

And everybody knows what happened and everybody just kind of toes the line.

But so long as we're going to allow it to happen and you're going to accept, um,

bogus, easy to see through excuses.

What's the stop?

Someone like Malik Willis serving as this generation's Kurt flood and say,

well, things have changed in Miami since I signed there.

Yeah, that, that deal that I was sold a bad bill of goods there.

So I don't have to go there.

I'm reopening my free agency.

Yeah.

I like the era of, uh, backseats that sports is answered into.

You thought it was no backseats.

Surprise.

It's backseats like the whole thing around how do you get out of this?

You know, it's, it's the, it's the medical tent, but in a contractual sense,

like what's happening on those tests?

What are you seeing?

Um, who gets to pull the trigger based on that?

Can you, why is, why can't the player medically test the owner and be like,

whoa, whoa, you think you have problems with my, with my degenerative knee condition?

I just ran a DNA test on you and you carry the biomarker for Alzheimer's.

What the hell?

I have to work for you now.

That's exactly, I mean, but for real, like, hey, GM, like, you know, I, I, I think

your process of building a football team seems degenerative or at least kicking it down

the row by a year.

I wasn't clear on that.

So now I'm not showing up and who's to say, well, that's, that, that, that's bogus.

You're exactly right.

When it's a subjective thing that the raven say his knees know good, I mean,

obviously it's out in the open.

It's, it's, it's, it's just nonsense because seems like he's going to play for

the Raiders just fine this year.

So if team by team can assess medical conditions and say not high enough,

not, not good enough for us, then what are we doing?

Why can't players do the same?

I think that we're, we're unfortunately, we're as much as we, we just attempted to

be like a better advocate for labor rights than perhaps the actual NFL PA at this

moment, as much as we just tried to do that.

I do think it's probably just directly brings us to yet another televised

special, like it's not the combine, but it's just like medical tests.

Like we're, we're now going to watch the scope of Max Crosby's knee.

It's going to be a subscription product on ESPN Plus.

You can pay for it.

And I demand to see those MRIs.

And now I can get them for the low price of $9.99 a month in addition to my,

you know, regular NFL premium package.

Oh, scored scored with some of that great NFL film Sam Spencer music.

Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, as the, as the probe is going through the

knee, the knee is going to be great.

That's right.

You're going to get, you're going to get rich eyes in also getting like one of

those like those snake cameras entered into his body in solidarity as a guy

was running before you'd like the players.

Yeah, exactly.

As far as the NFL PA thing, it really, I mean,

I encourage everybody to go check it out and how it, I guess that's the last

question for you.

You know, first of all, it seems from a distance to me that Dominique Fox worth

just, you know, made, made better sense.

If only because of what Pablo Torre and company uncovered with JC

Treter and JC Treter steps down, it was cleaner to go in a different direction,

but I completely understand the explanation that you provide for it.

But I guess bottom line is, how does this impact things for the, for the football

fan? What is the, what is the, what is the long and short of it?

Yeah.

So my main political position in sports and in politics is competition is good.

It is, if you have a really powerful entity that just gets decide whatever it

is that they want and they can make it happen because there is no competition.

There's no countervailing force.

The product you get is worse.

Think about it in every realm of your life.

You don't want to just buy one thing that only one company can sell you.

You'd like competition to create pressure to make that really good.

And the NFL, of course, which is itself the one distributor of NFL games.

The only competition provided is really from the players union.

And so if you're a fan who's like, you know what, I love football.

And I, in fact, love the fact that football is in some sense scarce.

It's events.

It's a thing you need to appreciate because you only get it so often.

And therefore I don't want an 18th game or a 19th game or a 20th game.

I don't want to make, I don't want to continue to force the Jacksonville Jaguars

into the throats of every foreign country.

We don't need more international games like why are we doing this?

Is not making the product better.

I want the product to be better.

If the NFL PA is not led by credible people who are not immediately,

immediately seen by the league office as the greatest gift they can receive

because they're pushovers because they are more concerned with self enrichment.

And they are with actually checking the NFL on its fundamentally unchecked desires

than the product of football will get worse.

And, and the thing about the NFL PA, I can summarize it very simply.

The last regime was the most corrupt regime I think in the history of sports unions.

Let alone the NFL PA.

And in fact, in labor unions across America throughout our history,

corruption has been one of the biggest problems in all walks of life and all industries.

And so coming out of that context, you would think that this union,

which needs to be a check on Roger Goodell and the owners, the multi gazillionaires,

you would think that their number one concern would be,

let's just make sure we get a guy who demonstrates a commitment to calling out

and preempting corruption when it arrives ideally before it arrives.

Instead, they got in JC Treter, the guy who installed the most corrupt executive director

in the history of sports unions and then sat as his number two under a new created

job and watched all of this happened and didn't resign until after that guy was forced to

resign. And so it's went, you went, oh, you went the opposite way with the corruption

problem. And therefore the product of football degrades because no one believes

you're credible at checking your own institution's self interest.

Wow, you know, I, I, the scarcity argument, I definitely believe in the go back

to the first point you made there, you know, death is the mother of beauty and all that.

I, the thing that makes it tough, except that all the other player unions seem to do

a better job of it pretty consistently. And this includes going back to gene

upshot and not to take shots at the people now, sure, pretty far down the line.

But you know, it's pretty consistent how lousy the NFL PA has been.

And there is something to that. But it should exist more in all sports.

They cannot transcend that that that the owners are the team brand.

And players have leverage up until they stop doing what's best for the brand.

So they can hold out the day after the season ends and like he deserves his money.

That guy, why isn't the team paying him? But once it gets to be late August,

like he still isn't there. Like man, he's going to make our team not as good for

these next three months. That's the ultimate leverage.

But a guy who is already aligned with the owners is never going to,

is never going to fill in that gap. It's just so obvious to me that right,

it's what it does is mirror so much of what we see in American politics the last few years.

Yeah, it looked, it's a blowout. It's a historical blowout that continues to go on and on and on.

And the look, if you talk to Dominique, we're talking to anybody who really has studied unions

and is a true believer in the premise of them. In brief,

the only thing you can really do is credibly threaten to organize your workforce to not work.

That's the real check on, on, on these owners on the league office.

And if the owners don't believe you, then you got no shot.

And so if nothing else, the league, Roger Adele,

these owners, who I want to be checked so that the product can be better,

they're looking at the NFL PA and they are laughing because this league is watching.

It's only check effectively eat itself.

And in that regard, it's like, yeah, good luck organizing you guys to sacrifice anything

because self interest seems to be the number one goal at the very top.

Um, well, magnificent stuff. Congratulations again on the multiple Emmy nominations.

Hopefully now you'll go on your way and start figuring out an acceptance speech.

Three shots at it. I hope you get one, you know, like you call out everybody who tried to hold you

back over over your rise and all the rest of it.

But in the meantime, thank you very much for for the time, Pablo and, uh, and, uh,

congratulations again.

I genuinely fear now that I'm going to get slam ball dunked on three times.

And I will think of your face.

Your, I will think of you announcing it as it happens.

Thank you. I said that's where I came up with the phrase, um, it's three words for that

dunk. Oh, law and law.

That was, that was, uh, that's why Dave is not currently doing color analysis on any sports.

You know what I found out today, what I found out today is why slam ball died.

Thanks Dave.

This guy right here, everybody. Thanks Pablo.

Thank you.

All right. There goes Pablo Torey.

Obviously make sure I'm sure you already are, but if you aren't somehow make sure you are

following Pablo Torey finds out wherever you find podcasts and on YouTube and do the

same for your pals here at football America.

We'll talk to you in a few days until then.

Thanks so much, my fellow football Americans.

It's been a thin slice of heaven.