I was playing to PLAY

0:00Well, we're stuck in our head. It sucks, doesn't it? Because we're only fighting ourselves. It's like, let the universe be your head. And you just experience it. Feel it in your body. So, you know which way to move. Easier said than done, right? Because we like to think we know. We like to use our tool. They were showing it. Did I say this? Like sports can't be so healthy to be on a sports team, right? You learn so much. I wish I was more part of a team as a child in that sense. Because I know so many people who speak of things in sports terms and you realize how much they gained and really, you know, I guess there's two sides to that corn. There's a lot of people who learn the wrong things, but that's with everything in life. Okay, how can I say this? Because they were showing like fight for it.

1:01And how I often, I'm like, fuck it, I'm not fighting. You wanted that bad, take it. But it's almost like they keep trying to show me, don't you want it that bad? And I'm like, oh, there's nothing I want that bad that I'm going to roll in the mud like a pig with these fools. It's that important to you. And it's almost like that's not how they want me to see it. It's like, I want something, I'll express that. But if it's not equally desiring me in the sense where it's like not a vibrational match, right? If it's not that magnet, if it's not whatever. There's something like right here they want me to see or understand. Because I think I've always looked at like where the sport of it is to enjoy the fun of a sport. But if it gets to the point where it escalates, where it's no longer fun, it's now this nasty downright competitive rolling in the mud.

2:12It's like, oh no, I'm good. No, no, I was playing to play, right? And I want this, but I'm not going to, it's not like this tug of war, right? So there's something around all of that that I'm missing there. Let's move on to something else and maybe I'll get it. I'm showing that. They were showing how I had come up with a bunch of ideas, I, meaning the universe inspired me. And so I would go towards these things and they were not panning out. If you've been listening, you've heard this rhetoric many a times. And then I would get frustrated and then it was like this, this idea of sports where it's like, okay, do you want me to fight for it or not? And I'm only, you're right, I'm only pushing so far because I'm not going to go rolling in the mud. And there is also a point where I also look at it like a lot of times we are being pivoted.

3:15And so there is that balance or is that fine line? Are you pivoting too soon? Did you attempt for it? Did you try? Did you give it your best? And at what point are you holding on to tightly? So it's the idea of like, if you're playing in a sport you do need to give it your all and try and you're aiming to win. You are excited, you are having fun. And so you do need to give it all. You can't like, you know, first time you have to bat and you don't make out. You don't hit the ball or you don't, I don't know, all this terminology. But you don't win or you don't get the run or something. You're not like, okay, I'm never playing again. Like, no, no, no, you get to go up to bat many a times. It's okay. And at the same time, it gets to the point where you are hanging on to tightly where you have gotten up to bat a hundred million times. And you have to realize, look, baseball I don't think is for you. Right? Like, it's like that balance of knowing when to keep trying and when to throw in the towel.

4:17And it's not about necessarily throwing in the towel. It's recognizing this isn't for you. And so it's kind of like the other analogy I used in the previous one about restaurants where it's like the universe is like, oh, wherever you want to go. So you're like, okay, I want to play baseball. And the universe is like, oh, yeah, no, we didn't mean that. You're no good at baseball. And you're like, okay, motherfucker, how about soccer? And you go to play soccer and the universe is like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. But anything you want, but no, not not not baseball or soccer. Okay, fine. Let's try basketball. You go to try basketball. The universe is like, okay, no. What do you mean no? You can't say whatever you want. And then I go to do whatever I want and you say no, right? And it's really more about the universe going, that isn't what you want. You're just trying to like pick stuff out of thin air because you think it's a sport you should be doing. Right? It's this idea. So we sometimes have a hard time deciding that to siphering that, navigating through that, understanding that.

5:21And they were showing at how like, I haven't had anybody encouraging or supporting this podcast of people I know or people I have shared with, or if there are anything, nobody's given me an encouraging word. Even friends have just been like, aha, or not, oh, that's one, nothing, right? Or congratulations on, on even accomplishing setting the fucking thing up, right? Let alone stepping wildly outside your comfort zone. And, you know, all these things. And so at some point it has been like, are you pivoting me away from this? But every time I've pivoted away from this and put more time and energy into other things, it has been like I've been pushed back here. And it's funny in that I actually love doing this and I love explaining and sharing and trying to articulate. It's sometimes it does feel like I'm trying to articulate for those who cannot articulate.

6:21That's what it feels like sometimes. It's like I'm trying to explain what somebody else is experiencing because they can't understand what they're experiencing. That sounds kind of weird, doesn't it? But that is kind of sometimes how it feels. And then if you think about that further, you're like, well, that's what all artists do, essentially, right? It's, you know, what all actors do. It's what all movies are about. It's all visual art paintings. It's like all that kind of thing. It's an interpretation of what that person's experiencing or what they witnessed or what, you know, they've gone through or how they're resonating. And so we can resonate when it's truth, right? It's like, oh, I've experienced that. That feels good. That feels right that I get that. And so it's almost like we're even verbalized at this way because I'm like, isn't this everybody or is this, I don't know. But it's like he's had me experience all of my life so that I can have this wide range of understanding and be able to resonate with so many.

7:23And then he's also at the same time isolated need to then vomit it all up in a sense. Which has also been a debate with us because I'm like, I feel like you're isolating me. Right? Like I like to experience. But then it's like, I'm never sharing what I'm experiencing in an art form, right? It's a way of giving back. It's a way of giving thanks. It's a way of that is a way of praising unconditional love is by sharing our art form because we're like, oh, wow, that was an amazing experience. It was amazing to feel these things, to experience these things, to understand what I'm feeling, to understand what I'm experiencing, to verbalize, to articulate, to translate. And then when we do so, right? So in doing that, others then can be like, oh, God, thank you. You were able to put words to what I'm going through. And that's why you resonate with movies or artists or different things. It's almost a way of being like, oh, my God, thank you. I've been trying to spit that out or I've been trying to understand that or I've been trying to whatever.

8:25And I couldn't quite grasp it, right? We can't always grasp it, especially when it's in the grasp of it, you're in the depths of it, you're in the swing of it. It's harder to see through that, right? When you're in the storm. And so when somebody else from the outside whispers in what's happening inside that storm, you can calm down inside that storm and get to the center of that storm and relax and be like, oh, my God, thank you. I couldn't see my way out. And now I'm good. And nonetheless. Sorry, I feel like I just got kicked out. I don't know where I was going with that flow. Thanks so much for tuning in and listening. You can now purchase an audio journey with me using the link below.