How To Deal With Hate | EP 024

In this episode, Phil addresses how to navigate hate and negativity on the path to personal improvement. He talks about the necessity of resilience, setting boundaries for personal and family well-being, and ignoring the 'crab mentality' that aims to pull individuals down. Phil advises us to focus on our goals, dismiss the haters, and embrace the challenges as part of our growth process. He emphasizes self-belief, hard work, and the importance of not letting others' negativity hinder our progress when pursuing our goals in the areas of family, fitness, and finance.

Welcome to The Phil Bohol Show, hosted by USMC veteran, mindset coach, sales expert, self-made entrepreneur, husband, and father, Phil Bohol. On this podcast, we don't just offer strategies — we offer a war cry, a call to arms, a challenge to rise, to break free from the shackles of mediocrity. You’ll learn the raw truth on how to break your limitations, scale your business to 7-figures, and level up every area of your life. Together, we won't just face challenges. We will crush them. Relentlessly.

Timestamps:

(01:00) - The Journey Out of the Crab Bucket

(03:30) - Why The Truly Successful Don't Tear Others Down

(05:06) - Navigating Hate From Those Closest to You

(07:09) - Mastering the Trifecta of Success

(11:57) - The Tough Choices on the Path to Success

(15:16) - The Unexpected Arrival of New Crabs

(16:28) - Understanding Life's Comings and Goings

(18:13) - Learning to Say No for the Sake of Family

(19:29) - Navigating the Waters of Self-Reflection and Control

(21:24) - Letting Go and Moving Forward

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Transcription:

[00:00:00] You're playing this game of life for you and your family.

And if other people don't want to contribute to that and, you know, be part of the growth of that.

And instead, like they want to veer you off track with like drama, you got to get used to just protecting yourself, creating those boundaries, because at the end of the day, it's you and your family's life on the line.

And the only people in this world that you owe is you and your family.

[00:00:30] What's going on you guys, it's Phil Bohol and welcome to the Phil Bohol Show, where we have real talk about family, fitness, finance, and everything that would hold you back from leveling up in every area of your life.

And more importantly, how I personally got through them.

Everybody else in this world wants to bullsh*t you.

I'm here to give you the truth.

[00:01:00] Let's talk today about dealing with hate.

Now, hate you can get from a lot of people in a lot of different ways, different forms.

It can be direct, it can be indirect, it can be from people you love, people you trust, to people that you don't even know, strangers in the world.

Most people don't know how to respond to hate.

[00:01:30] Most people don't know how to respond to somebody being negative towards them when all they're trying to do is change their life, to be a positive force, or to help other people.

You're going to have to learn how to really build your resilience toward these things, because in order for you to change your life and get you to the next level, you have to be used to people that are beneath you.

Literally, beneath you, talking to you because they have what's called a crab mentality.

[00:02:00] A crab mentality happens when a person or a group of people see a limit in their life, they see themselves inside of the bucket of life and they make a decision internally and they say, “I'm never going to get out of this bucket. And I'm going to live here. I'm going to settle here.”

And unfortunately, they also come in different forms.

There's different types of crabs, okay?

There's the crabs that look successful on the outside.

But internally, they still haven't personally developed where they still show hate to people.

[00:02:30] There's a lot of crabs that are unsuccessful, have nothing to show for it and still feel like they can judge and hate on people.

And then there's a huge portion in between that, right?

Where they're successful in some areas, but again, they lack in personal development, which is why they choose to project hate.

[00:03:00] The reason why that is is because when they see somebody trying to level up in life, trying to move up in life, trying to better their lives, it triggers in them an internal fear that they do not have the courage to do what needs to be done to change their life.

So what they will do is they'll project onto you the same things and the same fears and the same doubts they feel about themselves in whatever capacity.

And most people don't know this. Most people don't understand that that's how these crabs work, that these people that bring you down, tear you down, that's how they work, that's how they function.

And that's why they're always going to lose in the world and in life.

And again, they may achieve success in the areas, but they're, they don't live the life that you want to live.

[00:03:30] Just always remember that nobody, nobody, nobody, I'll say nobody that is more successful than you will take time out of their day to just go to you, text you, call you, talk to you, go to your social media and spend time being hateful toward you.

I want you to really think about that.

[00:04:00] If somebody really values their time, and they're really able to make a lot of money, and they're able to live their dream life, you don't think that they'd rather spend that five minutes hating, creating negative energy in themselves, to hanging out with their family?

To playing golf, to driving their car, to reading a book, to talking to somebody higher, you don't think that somebody would actually take the time to do that.

[00:04:30] The only time I've actually seen actual successful people hate, and they're like good, successful people is when somebody does something terrible, and they have to speak on it.

They have to, they have to say things because they're called to say things because it's not right what they see.

So they called it out.

That's the only time I've ever seen that, but it's never, “Look at that person trying. I'm going to call them out and talk down to them because they're trying.”

Now, if they're trying in the wrong ways, again, people will have their opinion that, you know, they're doing things in the wrong ways and blah, blah, blah.

[00:05:00] But the reality is, it usually doesn't happen that way.

Usually the only people that hate on you are losing an area of their life, which is why they project onto you.

The worst part about this, guys, is that you have to be prepared for is you think that you're going to get this type of feedback, this hate, this engagement from like strangers, and you will all along the way, you're going to experience it in your careers, you're going to experience that in your businesses, you're going to experience that everywhere, all the time, forever, it's just a thing, right?

[00:05:30] And the worst part is when it happens from people that you love, people that you care about, people that you thought would just support you forever.

They're the ones that would show hate and it happens indirectly, right?

They just make weird comments.

They don't support.

They say they do, but you never really feel the actions.

[00:06:00] Sometimes they'll make little jabs at you and they'll act like they're joking, but there's an underlying tone that they're serious.

Those are the ones that probably hurt the most.

The strangers, you'll brush them off.

You'll be able to, for sure.

But when it's people you love, it kind of sucks.

And you have to remember, as you go from where you're at in life, to get to the next level, the biggest critique that you're going to get is from yourself.

You're already going to be judging yourself harshly.

You're already going to be looking at all your deficiencies.

[00:06:30] You're already going to look at all the things that are broken with why you don't deserve success.

You're already going to do that to yourself.

Why stack on all of these other people, whose opinion doesn't even matter?

And it's sad to see because it really does break people.

I can imagine why, you know, it sucks.

It sucks wanting to change your life and not having anybody to support you.

It sucks wanting to do the right thing.

And like, everybody wants to bring you down or like, they're not supportive.

[00:07:00] They don't give you back the same energy you're trying to put into the world when you're trying to just find your voice and sh*t, you know?

And that sucks.

But again, that's part of the price you're going to have to pay for the success you seek in life.

Most people never level up in all areas of life where they have the business, they have the career, they have the fitness, they have the health.

Not a lot of people have all three.

[00:07:30] Me having all three now, I'm telling you, it was a f*cking fight to become who I needed to be.

A lot of sacrifice, a lot of discipline, a lot of hard work, a lot of late nights.

It's possible, but the reason why most people never get there…

Maybe they'll achieve like, success in career, and then they'll achieve success in business.

But their health diminishes, right?

They put on a lot of fat.

They get the dad bod, the bad dad bod, okay?

(We're redefining dad bod. We're going to be the six pack dad bods.)

They let their health diminish, right?

[00:08:00] And then their marriage is suffering, but they prioritize the business, so they're really rich, but they're really unhappy.

You see that a lot.

You'll see some people that don't win career and in business and they're super, super healthy, no relationship, right?

So they're winning in health and fitness.

They look really good.

Career?

Not so much.

They're doing like regular sh*t and they're not really moving forward and progressing inside of their marriage.

[00:08:30] And sometimes you have health and you have relationships.

So you're doing really good in your relationship.

You're doing good in your health and fitness, but you're lacking in career and business.

And then there's some people that are just doing really good in their marriage, low in their health and fitness, low in their career or business.

So really happy humans, but they're not living the best life they could live, but they're grateful for the ones that they have because they have each other.

[00:09:00] And then you have them married and good career or business, but lacking in physical fitness or married and in good physical fitness, lacking in career and business or financials.

So I'm saying, so there's, there's always something missing in the world.

And I think that at every stage too, you have different haters at every stage, you have different people's opinions and it's always going to happen guys like you just have to be prepared that it's always going to happen.

And the sad truth is there's going to be a lot of people that take it to heart like so deeply that they give up on it, you know?

[00:09:30] There's people in in career and in business who get hated on for trying to like level up.

They download all the hate and then they really start self sabotage and they really start holding themselves back from taking things to the next level.

It's unfortunate.

There's people that want to get right, want to get fit and their spouses don't support them and their eating habits or their training routines.

They will go to the gym or whatever.

[00:10:00] They'll post up a progress picture and then somebody is going to hate on them, you know?

And then they're going to be like, “Ah, I'm not going to go to the gym because now there's like judgment.”

And then they're gonna stop forever and it happens, you know?

There's some people - okay, let me put it this way…

There's new-year-new-me people.

Those are the people I just I don't f*cking agree with.

Unfortunately, I just - no - I just don't agree with that.

[00:10:30] And then there's people that do it around that time because that's where they find the motivation and they're actually genuinely trying to change their life.

They're not doing it because it's a fad or it's because everybody's f*cking doing it.

They're like, “Oh, I'm gonna change.”

Then they get looped in with all the new year new me f*cks.

Yeah, and then, they feel all the hate, and they're just like, “God damn, I'm not gonna go in.”

Those are the people I'm talking about.

I'm not talking about the people that do it for fat.

There's really people out there that do that sh*t.

I don't like it.

You just waste everybody's space at the gym for a month, and it's a f*cking sh*t show.

And then you pop smoke anyway, so just don't go.

And so you're ready to actually commit and make a change because you're literally wasting time and space.

[00:11:00] And there's people in relationships and business or relationships and marriage, you know?

Like they're trying to maybe find the love of their life.

They're trying to do good in relationships.

Maybe they're trying to level up in their marriage and they get nothing but hate and hate and hate.

They get no support.

They get no love.

And maybe the single person trying to find love and they can't find love and it hurts their confidence so much that they just decide that love and relationships and marriage isn't for them, you know?

And it happens.

[00:11:30] But can you see how like in life, in every area of your life, sh*t's gonna happen that way, so you have to be prepared that when you're trying to level up in every area of your life?

If those three things make a diamond, in order for you to accomplish all of those things and reach the top, you're going to have to sacrifice what you've always known.

You're gonna have to learn how to feel like you're a lone wolf for a little bit.

[00:12:00] Because not a lot of people understand the purpose of tribe and community, you know?

It's always good to be surrounded by people.

It's always good to have culture.

It's always good to be part of something bigger than you.

It's always good, but sometimes people aren't ready for that sh*t.

Is it?

Can you do both?

Absolutely.

What would I recommend tribe and community?

Because no matter what, at least you're going to have people that that can pick you up, that can help you feel like you're not alone in the world.

[00:12:30] And I think that that's where people fall off because they only know their current ecosystem, their current sphere of influence.

And when you start breaking away from that, those people become the crabs of your life.

So, you kind of feel alone, you know?

And that's what's scary.

That's why people are like, “Ah, pack mentality. I'm not being supported out here. I'm going to die on my own. I'm gonna go back to the old tribe.”

You have to remember that there's a new tribe.

There's a new tribe of people.

You just have to take the action to jump into the new tribe.

So you have something to replace the old one.

And again, you can do it on your own.

It's just a harder path.

[00:13:00] I've done both.

So it just is what it is.

But that's why people give up.

And you can't.

For you to live the life that you want, you cannot give up.

For you to live the life that you want, you have to sacrifice everything you've always known.

And people don't realize that what you've always known is everything.

Everything that you think you are and everything that you know right now.

[00:13:30] So when I say you have to be able to sacrifice all of that to become who you want to be and you have to get used to all the hate, all the negativity, all the sh*t that you're going to experience along the way, and that's the price you pay for the success that you seek?

I mean it.

Like, you're going to have to drop family.

You're going to have to drop friends that you thought were friends.

But here's the thing,, are they really your friends if they stop talking to you because you're on this personal development journey?

I wouldn't think so.

I think they're selfish.

I think that that's a crab mentality.

You want to better yourself.

[00:14:00] So they get butt hurt because you're no longer feeling a void by giving them attention.

I think that's a crab mentality.

You're going to have to take risks in your career, into business that you've never ventured into before.

You're going to have to bet on you so many times before you actually see a return on those bets.

It's going to happen.

[00:14:30] You're going to have to learn how to put yourself out there into the world and just get sh*tted on all day, every day from, from coworkers, from people that you're prospecting from, you know, business, even other business owners and other entrepreneurs are going to sh*t on you.

It's like a weird game.

But you have to remember that at some point people don't support you over time when you just keep proving to yourself, not to them, but to yourself that you're going to put in the work and you are who you think you are and you start achieving the results in life.

Those same haters somehow start believing in you.

[00:15:00] But at that point, you just don't give a f*ck and you're just like, “Well, you're dumb because I've been doing this sh*t and you've been hating on me and now you're my biggest f*cking supporter. So you can pop smoke. Like, no worries.”

You know, it's like you become a different person where that's how you live and you just don't know that you never experienced that yet.

And there's going to be times where you achieve a level of success and you network with those people.

And those new people become the new crabs.

It's f*cking weird.

You would think that everybody at a high level stays at a high level, but people are human.

[00:15:30] I've been inside groups and ecosystems with like seven and eight figure entrepreneurs.

I don't know if it is because I'm f*cking Brown, if I'm f*cking Filipino, if I'm f*cking 30 years old or what the f*ck's going on.

But people that were cheering me on as I was coming up, the moment I got to their level, they stopped talking to me.

They stopped showing me that same love.

They stopped showing me this and that, and I don't know why.

[00:16:00] Sometimes, my wife thinks that it's because people are like, “Whoa, f*ck. Like, it took me ten years longer than this f*cking dude to do this. How the f*ck did he get here?”

And jealousy's a real thing.

And for me, I'm just like, bro, like I'm not even that way.

Like I'm not even flexing.

I'm not even trying to do anything.

I'm still the sponge.

I'm still a student to the game.

I just show up and I'm like, “Okay, I'm here to learn. I'm not here to be the top person. I'm here to learn. I'm here to better myself.”

And people really do take that offensively.

[00:16:30] You know, like I've gotten hated on for how I live my life.

And I'm just like, “Well, f*ck.”

Like, I live my life happily.

I live my life in peace.

I've created the exact life that I want.

And people still hate on me for that.

When I try to change people's lives through, through content, through social media, and sharing the things that have worked for me in my life and have completely changed my life, from being this guy from a third world country, to being extremely depressed, to not being depressed, sharing with people how I did that.

I get haters, bro.

It sucks.

It sucks, but it doesn't suck because it just shows you that like at every level, you're just going to experience the sh*t.

And it's going to be from low level people and high level people over time.

You're going to know who can be around throughout time, those are, those are the, probably the people.

And even then you have to remember that sometimes not everybody's designed to be in your life for a lifetime.

[00:17:30] Sometimes they're just designed to be there for a season.

Sometimes just there for a month, sometimes for a week, sometimes for a day, sometimes for a moment.

And again, it's such a interesting feeling because you have to get used to like having people in your life and then not having people in your life and like not being so emotionally and personally attached to like the ins and outs of that because man, I've had some really great people that I really thought were going to be around for life.

[00:18:00] And then these people turn out to hate on me and I'm just like, “What the f*ck just happened here? Like literally what just happened?”

And they don't want to talk about it.

They won't fess up to it and you're just like, “Well, I'm not, you know, just I can’t deal with this sh*t. So I'm out. Peace.”

Because at some point you're going to start valuing yourself.

You're going to value your time more.

And you're just going to realize that like, you're playing this game of life for you and your family.

[00:18:30] And if other people don't want to contribute to that and, you know, be part of the growth of that, and instead, like they want to veer you off track with drama.

You got to get used to just protecting yourself, creating those boundaries, because at the end of the day, it's you and your family's life on the line.

And the only people in this world that you owe.

Is you and your family, like your immediate family, like your wife and kids, like they're the only ones.

[00:19:00] Like not cousin Joe, not cousin Deborah, I don't know, cousin Jill, I don't f*cking know, not mom or dad, not none of those people, it's your kids, it's your wife.

That's who you owe.

That's it.

And you owe it to them to give yourself the best possible shot.

And that's learning how to create boundaries for yourself.

And for all of these things that just, they don't serve you in the world.

And you just gotta know that.

And again, it's the price that you have to pay for success.

So over time you get used to it.

[00:19:30] You know, it's gonna be one battle at a time.

And you just gotta learn how to roll with the punches and learn more about yourself.

Learn about what really triggers you.

What really holds you back.

What are all the causes to all of these feelings and these emotions that are coming up for you?

Learn to work through them.

Learn to feel through them.

Learn to think through them.

Breakthroughs are designed for you to break through them and through to them.

[00:20:00] Breakthroughs don't happen when you reach resistance and then you're just like, “This is hard, I'm gonna go a different direction.”

A breakthrough happens when you break through.

So just make sure you actually take the time when you're experiencing hate to like pause for a second, breathe and ground yourself, pray, meditate, do what you got to do and learn to move through it.

You're going to find a greater version of yourself there.

You're going to learn emotional control more there.

And that's where the next level version of you is waiting for you.

[00:20:30] Okay?

So just remember, this is an ongoing thing.

This is why you have to be in an environment where you can go through the highs but also can experience the lows.

Because you're not going to deal with it once and get through it once.

You're gonna go through it thousands of times and what happens is it just bothers you less and less and less over time.

The hate can increase and your ability to emotionally detach from it just becomes more lethal.

[00:21:00] You're able to switch it on, switch it off, switch it on, switch it off, let it in, let it out.

And the only time you let it in is to use it as inspiration to source, but you burn it, use it as fuel.

You don't use it and it clouds your body and your mind and your spirit.

So that's what I have to say about dealing with hate, how to deal with hate, how to move through with hate, how to use hate to your advantage.

[00:21:30] Because you're already going to hate yourself through this journey of self mastery and becoming the best version of you.

You're already going to judge yourself.

That's already a lot.

Your plate is already full.

Please do yourself a favor and not choose to stack on anybody else's hate.

It's irrelevant.

And the worst part is in a day, in a week, in a month, they're probably not going to remember you or the hate that they shared on to you, but you will if you hold on to it.

And then at that point, you're the only person holding on to the pain.

[00:22:00] Everybody else has left the building.

So just understand that that's how hate, anger, negative emotions, that's how they work, that it's projected onto you.

But the only reason why it stays in your life is if you hold onto it.

So I would say, just let it go, learn to let it go, learn to choose happiness versus all the negative sh*t.

And at some point over time, the hate just won't bother you.

It won't even feel like hate.

It'd just be like, “Oh, it's just a loser.”

That's how I look at it.

[00:22:30] “It's just a loser losing. And that's why they're being a crab. Oh, that's it. Okay. I'm going to go about my day.”

That's how I want you to be.

And you just have to start shifting the, the, the mentality in which you perceive the situation.

That's the show.

Don't just listen to everything I just f*cking said and do nothing with it.

Take everything you learned, go out and execute.

Send it.

[00:23:00]

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