Healing Complex Trauma • Dr. Tanner Wallace

0:00I am so excited to relax with you and enjoy loose-candid conversation with my featured guest. As another week has passed, I'd like to invite the energy of Freya, a Nordic goddess whose name means Friday. She represents fun and celebration. I deeply honor the medium and the human experience. As much as I surrender and serve spirit, I also choose to indulge and serve myself by enjoying the finer things in life, one of which is champagne accompanied by the perfect glass. So grab your favorite glass, fill it with a beautiful beverage, the lights you up, sit back

1:03and enjoy. I am so happy you're here. Cheers to a beautiful spirit-led weekend. Hello and welcome back to another episode of champagne channeling. I'm very, very, very excited for this conversation. Today we're going to go a little bit deep. We're going to talk about the things that got me where I am. And it's not always the funnest topic, but it's a rich topic that I think we need to talk about and we need to normalize. And many of you I kind of have already seen do follow who is sitting before me today. But if you have not followed her yet, you are in for a treat because she is, she feels like an energetic familiar. There's just a sweetness, a softness and a truth about her, but she's dedicated her life to something that really has helped me transform my life once I understood it. So without further ado, Tanner, Dr. Tanner Wallace,

2:09welcome to the show. I am so excited to be here and have a conversation. So thank you so much for having a conversation, welcoming me to your space. I know it's like when someone invites you to speak to their people, it's such an honor. So I just, you know, excited to be here. Yeah, then you I think have followed me for a little bit. And so it's I love being supported by people that are more I would say in the scientific realm of healing because I can be a little inappropriate. And I'm edgy and I feel seen by you and accepted by you, even though my approach is a little unorthodox. Yeah, I like when I saw the curse words, I'm like, we're good. I care too. I did binge your content for like literally the last 45 minutes. I just watched like all these reels and I did hear you cuss a little. I'm like, okay, you know, you're welcome to cuss. I think that it's, I don't know, I look at astrology. And so when I know my astrology placements, I'm like, this is part of my design. Like it's just yeah, it's part of who I am.

3:14The Tanner's Instagram is CPTSD medicine. I was like, I have dyslexia. I'm going to probably botch this, but really it's it's calm. It's about complex trauma. So can you explain to us what complex trauma is? Yeah, yeah. I'm so glad you started there. You know, in a lot of the work that I do, like I for a little bit like assumed people knew what it was. I'm like, oh, if you find me, you already know what it is. And then I just decided to put together like an assessment. Like, do I have CPTSD? And I just like put it up on my website. It is so downloaded. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I shouldn't have just assumed that people know what it is. So I'm so grateful you started here. I'll give you kind of more of the text, but I'll give you three definitions. One's like the medical model. One's kind of like a textbook, like what a psychologist would talk about CPTSD as and then how I think about it as like a lived experience as a survivor working

4:18with other survivors. Like what does it feel like energetically? So I'll kind of give you all three. So, you know, the medical definition and, you know, in the United States complex trauma isn't considered a diagnosable condition yet. It is in other countries, but not the United States. But it's like a cluster of symptoms. So like if you, you know, indoors, borderline personality disorder symptoms, if you endorse kind of like menia symptoms, if you endorse depression symptoms, anxiety symptoms, like if you take any of the major assessments and you're like, damn, I could diagnose myself with that. Damn, I could diagnose myself with that. That's often complex trauma. Like there's a lot going on mentally, you know, like you struggle with a lot of symptoms of a lot of energy inside you that doesn't know where to go or how to be held and isn't often accepted or doesn't fit neatly into boxes. I think the kind of clinical definition

5:21of it, so that's like the medical like diagnosis, the clinical definition. I think a lot of people would say it's like when you have a lot of bad things happen in your life and there's no safe, secure adult to walk you through in process. So it's like, I don't believe you're a parent based on your content. So, you know, and anyone else listening that's a parent, you'll kind of feel this, but if you're not a parent, you know, you kind of feel this from just your own sense of growing, it's like, we all have a skill set, right? And like we're like, okay, this is my base level of skill. And then there's the stress of the environment. So if you're listening, not looking at me, I'm putting my hand above and I'm kind of like showing a gap between your current skill and the stress of the environment. As kids, we always have that gap that that's like being a growing human. If we stay on a path as an adult in a growth oriented trajectory, we bump up against that gap between, oh, my skills stop here. The stress just hit here. There's a gap. But when you're a kid and that

6:27happens, you really need an adult to either minimize the stress of the environment, like bring the pressure down, bring the chaos down, add stability, or you need them to help you increase your skill set. So you experience a minimizing of that gap. Complex trauma is that gap happens because it's normal in a childhood, but your parents actually make it worse. Like they neglect you. Are they're misatuned? Are they blame you? And so your skill set now is decreased because you're like, oh my gosh, I'm a bad person. Oh my gosh, I caused this. So you're not getting more skills. You're actually contracting or constricting with more stress and negative experiences. Or your parents are, you know, doing kind of chaotic things. And so they're creating crisis. And so they're increasing the stress of the environment, right? So they can kind of pull that gap bigger in a lot of different directions. And that gap just keeps happening again and again and

7:31again. So you never really feel this internal or external stability. And so you miss a lot of skills. Like you miss a lot of key developmental milestones when that happens over time. Plainically, you would also say you tend to repeat that, you know, because it's familiar. You don't have the skills and, you know, like attracts like. And so I always joke with my second husband. I'm like, you don't have complex trauma, but you still married someone with undying those complex trauma. So you're not squeaky, clean either because I was a walking red flag. You should have run the other direction, but you ran towards and you're attracted to the chaos. So like that says something about you. We joke. So, you know, there's some secondary adult trauma often. How I describe it, like all of that's true. So I would say like everyone in medical, clinical definitions, all true. The embodied energetic experience of it is you have no center.

8:33Like you literally have no center where like you hear other people talk about like, oh, I got bumped out of my power or I self sabotaged a little. And you're like, yeah, I think that's what I do too. But really like it's a pit. Like I don't even know where to anchor. Like I have no foothold. I have no nothing to turn towards internally. It's like a blank abyss. I'm just like, there's nothing here. And I think externally, we actually can't connect with other people. Not because we're a bad person, but it's like everything feels so transactional. It's like, I want to feel love. And I want to feel affection. But it's like it's hard to have that feel like real. Like you don't feel real. It doesn't feel real. So that's kind of I can say more about that. That's kind of like, I think that having no center. Yeah. Yeah. I, you know, this just makes me

9:39connected to what I've really experienced a lot with anyone that identifies with being an empath or a highly sensitive person is I feel like they most of the times have a lot of complex trauma. And so they are constantly attuning to others. And they get information and that information, you know, there's like, Oh, you're sensitive. Oh, you're an empath or you're psychic. And it's wonderful. But that tool really isn't great. If they don't know how to utilize it for themselves. And so I think a lot of times people end up in very, you know, co-dependent narcissists relationships because they try to find purpose of self through other because that they attune to. Yeah. Yeah. I completely agree. Like I, there's a couple of things you said. Like one is it's like, it's like a merging of energies. Like I don't know how to be without merging with your energy for you to tell me how to feel, how to think, you know, how to be, right? Because that's all we've

10:42ever known is like there are no energetic boundaries. I don't know how to energetically self-protect my parents like I was always trying to decode what it is that what code I need to crack to be safe. So I think there's a lot of merging energetically that happens that we haven't learned how to differentiate and stay energetically distinct but emotionally connected, which is a very specific skill. But I think also too a lot of people that have childhood trauma just feel so responsible for everybody and everything. You know, and so I think you can be empathic, you can be psychic, but you've probably felt the same thing or learned the same thing. It's like I had to learn to be like, but I'm not responsible for that person. Like just because I can see things doesn't mean I've taken responsibility for them. And so I know in my life, I've had to really be like, this is the set of people I'm responsible for. Yeah. Just because I see sense and feel something doesn't mean I have to do something about it. And that was so liberating for me. Yeah. And that's a pretty

11:47recent thing too. That's like the last year. I'm not going to sit here and pretend like I've had a decade of doing that. Like that really came through this past year. And it makes me long because that's kind of where I'm at too. And I realize it. So just so you guys know, Tanner is a Capricorn son, a rising Libra and a Scorpio moon. And that Scorpio moon sits in the second house. And so that is going to, you know, when you have that meat, emotional moon, like a Scorpio moon. And it's about depth and it's in the house of worthiness. It's like, like that was a tall order for this lifetime because that means I will get to the psychological depth and walk through many, many shadows to find what actually true worth means. And it's from the inside out. And so there's an investigator of that story just written in the stars for you. But I, you know, I'm a fellow Pisces moon that I'm in the house of Scorpio. And so what I have realized, you know,

12:48you probably know this too, but so many people in my whole life are like, you have to have boundaries. Like you have to have better boundaries. And I'm like, I'm trying. I'm trying. But now I realize, my moon Pisces doesn't have boundaries. Like it's not a boundary sign. So if my emotional body doesn't have boundaries, then I need to have better containers and better standards. And so there are ways around it. I feel like, and so now I'm like, I have containers where people work with me. And once they're in those containers, there really isn't a lot of boundaries because I'm attuned to them because of my Pisces moon. And I have the service of my heart of, you know, compassion is online. But that's something that I struggle with sometimes because it, it really isn't, it's still sometimes enmeshed. And so I don't like to say, like, oh, I'm so embodied because I'm navigating as I go. And that's the work is just being honest about the navigation as we go instead of saying, I'm at the top of the mountain. I hope you guys make it soon.

13:51Yeah, yeah, I feel that. I feel that like containment containers like such an important aspect of this work for sure, sure. I actually just wrote an email to my list that was like, low bar high risk. And it was all about be picky about where you process your trauma. You know, like, it's not always like a, it's not just about money because sometimes you pay more than what you got. And sometimes you'd be like, I can't believe I got this for this amount of money. Like, it's not the money. It's just like, how is this being container being held? Like, yeah, how are people being vetted before they come in? You know, what happens when someone's dysregulated? Like, how are we holding this work together? And I just think I think it's like, so, I think people undervalue containment and containers so much. Yes, they do. They absolutely do. And I think that people that are actually, let's say, good at it don't really know

14:51they're good at it, if that makes sense. Yeah, because it takes, it's almost like the amount of compassion that is required to really hold a safe space, which I try to not say safe space because I don't think that I ever can really know what safety is to you. I think steady space. Oh, I like steady, stable, predictable. Like, as we're trying to bring the steadiness, right? Like, yeah, I like that. I'm going to actually use that because retreats, you know, that's my whole thing is like, I want you to feel well-nourished. I want you to be surrounded in beauty. I want to kind of check all the senses so you can not have to worry. But still, like, if somebody has complex trauma, they will find something to disrupt to make themselves not feel safe. If that's the doorway that that needs to, you know, come on in, which I also say, this isn't a trauma retreat. I do not host trauma retreats because

15:52I have to be clear because if you like, I mean, I love complex trauma that's all I work with, but like, it will fuck things up. Like, trauma does not give a fuck. I have to say that trauma will take and take and take. Yeah. Yeah. And I commend you. Like, I know the space you hold. I can feel it and it's like, holy crap. So that's why I want to be not saying I can't hold space. I hold space for people. But you'll be responsible. Like, to me, that's like, what we just talked about. It's like, I'm choosing to be responsible for this. And this is what I am taking responsibility for. I am not taking responsibility for this. So I'm trying to be transparent and clear. I'm sure if it accidentally showed up, you're not going to be like, okay, let's do this together. But that's what creates safety. That's what creates steadiness. Like, transparency, boundaries, clarity, containment, you know. Yes.

16:53Well, it makes me so for a while, like, I used to feel so self-conscious. Conscious. This is the word I can't say. So self-conscious. I said that right, probably not early, but you know what I mean? I used to, that, you know, my spaces are actually pretty intellectual. You know, like, it's deep. Like, you're going to graduate school and complex trauma to lead yourself through it. And that's not accessible. Like, that's just, it's just straight up not accessible because a lot of people don't want to do that. A lot of people just for whatever reason can't do that. And I used to feel kind of like, ooh, is that okay? And then I just like was like, oh my gosh, that's like the responsible thing to say and just be clear about because then other people come into my space. They're not successful because they get overwhelmed by a lot of information or they want to go slower. You know, and it's just, you know, I can't be responsible for that, but I wasn't being clear about it. So it's like, that is just so important when we know what we're for, what we

17:57stand for, who we hold and why we hold it that way. And then we just communicate it. So yeah. So do you process that way first? Like, do you like to have the analytical information and then go into the feeling and the semantics of it? So for my containers, I often think, well, I have like a hole. So like, this is a whole curriculum that you get. This gets, this gets mailed to when you join a container with me. I mail you this. Oh my gosh. So coffee. It's like three inches. Thank you guys. Yeah. It's a Bible. 464 pages. It's a lot of like eight and a half by eleven. You know, we don't go through all of that page by page. You could. It's a whole journey. It's a whole, you know, the kind of wheel of experiences you could. And I hope they do after they're not my container anymore. Like, I hope this is like a lifelong kind of companion for them. But I really

18:58about structure so you can flow. Because if there's not enough structure, we're not focused enough to attend and bump up against things, have accountability. Like, you need enough structure. So you see where resistance comes up. You see where you're kind of like, I'm cycling through this again. So I've been here again, like structure. But if it's so structured, you can't find your own medicine. You can't find your own like, what's magic inside of me or what's my unique way with this? So, you know, I really, that's what I try to do is like, just enough structure so everyone can flow. But then, you know, we can come together with shared collective fields, because I think that's really important for relational healing. But then also independent work and also one-on-one work. So it's like, it's just everything that I think is so important. I just put in like one place. So I think it's, I think meaning-making is really important for people. Everyone,

20:00I think when you have childhood trauma, because the worldview you were taught by your parents is so fucked up, that it's, it's, it's such a massive undertaking to not only like recode your nervous system to appropriately read threat in a relational field, but also just to update so many mistaken interpretations you have about yourself, about the world, about what's possible. And so, like, you just need to like, to create those kind of like theories of change or your own understanding of you, like, who am I? You know, there is some documentation and like some ceremony and ritual that just helps kind of anchor that, if that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I, I love this work. Like, I've been obsessed with psychology from a very young age, and I wanted to be a child psychologist, and I think that it's just something that will always

21:02be in my life. But for some reason, you know, I, I trust the design of what I meant to do is a little bit more what I'm doing now. And I don't think that I would have been, I would be able to serve the way I serve if I went to the traditional method. But I, one of the things that I also am very vocal about is the people that I work with, you have to have radical responsibility, meaning you have to be responsible for your life. And so when it comes to work like you do, I have always invested in that type of work. I just do it in a very private container because of all my cancerian placements in the 12th house. Like, I want to be very intimate, very private. And so like, my work gives permission. Like, it's that spark of information or inspiration. It's that, oh my gosh, like, I can be authentic, and I can take the risk. And I can learn to say no, and I can understand I'm living a lie. And then is the layers of like your work and all the other work that is needed, you know, privately, or maybe not,

22:07maybe, maybe, you know, I know I'm nodding my head because I completely agree with you. I often talk about private, safe away from your real world healing containers. Yeah. Yeah. It's so important for the work that I do. Like, yeah. Yeah. It's so, so important to be truly witnessed. And this is one of the things that's a theme with a lot of your content that I just can't get behind enough is just that there's nothing wrong with you. Like, there's nothing wrong with you. But there have been some, you know, things that got severed in your developmental years that have created things that clearly don't fit in relationships or in your life. And so you judge yourself and that shame sleeps in. And maybe we can talk about that a little bit too because this type of subject you and I could talk about it almost like geek out and be happy about it because we're like, this is so great. And then other people are like, well, I didn't have that much of a, I didn't have trauma or I didn't have a traumatic childhood and immediately they compare what they identify

23:12with as trauma, which is the, you know, the big T. So maybe we could just, you know, open up that conversation on like what exactly could be classified as complex trauma and in what type of beliefs start to ruminate in people that have experienced that. Yeah. I mean, I think almost everyone has a lot of anxiety, which wouldn't, wouldn't necessarily be complex trauma, but it's like if you're feeling like a crushing level of anxiety or you feel like you have to take anxiety meds just to function, like, I just want to be straight with you. Like, I want you to get off the meds and I want you to heal. So do I. But I'm not a medical doctor. So use discernment, take medical advice from a doctor, but a medical doctor, not a educational doctor. But like, you know, there's just so much suffering and so many, you know, woundings and, you know, I think

24:14of it is like you're running trauma energy or you're merging with dark energy from the collective. And you haven't yet figured out or learned how to hold that, alchemize it and like return to your own native energy. And so a lot of humans are walking around with pretty significant mental health symptoms that aren't necessarily complex trauma, but deserve healing, like deserve like you can't, you can't shortcut this like because to me, it's all energy. So it's like, yeah, you can do these other things that feel good, but it's like you're still running trauma energy. So it you're just, you've kind of moved some chairs around on the deck, but it's going to return. And what the work that I really am an advocate for is like, it's gone, gone. Like, you do not have symptoms anymore. You are not anxious anymore. Like, you are not depressed anymore. Like, not you put a bandaid on it, but like, it is gone because you healed

25:16it at the root. And like, that's what I think is possible. So for me, it even goes, it's true, you're not broken, but underneath that, it's, and you have the capacity to heal yourself back to your original state of innocence and wholeness. Like, that's possible. I think for some people, that's more challenging, depending on their external circumstances. Like, if you're partnered with somebody that has complex trauma, if you're partnered with somebody that has an active addiction, like if you raised your kids when you were traumatized and now they're adults and, you know, things can be more complicated in that mission. But I think it's possible for everyone. And so if you're listening and are watching this and you're like, well, I don't think I have big T trauma. It's like, okay, you might not. You might not have complex trauma, but like, how does this apply to you? I think it's really understanding, like, when you turn inward and you're just quiet,

26:17and so like, we could even do it now, right? So if people are listening or watching, just hit pause, shut your eyes, and just tune in. Like, what do you hear internally? What do you sense internally? And I think for most humans, there's a lot of voices, there's a lot of emotion, there's a lot of energy. And then that feels like, I don't know what to do with it. And then we numb. You know, we distract, we numb, we self-medicate, because that no one taught us how to be with ourselves internally. And so I think some of the easiest things to do are just like, oh, what stories are parts of me telling me and not make them go away, not tell them they're bad or they're wrong, but just like, oh, like, what's the fear or concern underneath that? Because there's almost always fear. Like, we are walking around with so much fear as humans. And even just witnessing the fear

27:25instead of bypassing it, gaslighting yourself, like even that alone can bring so much relief. Yeah. You know? Yeah. There's something I like to refer to. Actually, I say one more thing. Yeah, yeah. All right. Something else is coming in. I don't mean to interrupt you. This feels important to pair it with, which is like, when we feel that fear, we often go to a doctor or an expert. And the first thing they want to do is give us medication so we don't feel that way. And what I would just say in my heart of hearts, like my truth is use discernment is that fear is in you for a reason and you need to feel it fully so that you can alchemize it and in that alchemization of the fear, whatever level, like whatever level your fear is, the skill set required to alchemize it is exactly the skill set that unlocks your magic and your

28:27gifts. And when you numb that fear, it's like you've taken away your unique mission, like your energetic imprint in this lifetime to have your unique training ground that no one else is going to have, you've like taken yourself out of the mission. And so I know for some, the medication stabilizes to a point they can function. So like understood. But for those of you that are listening that have resources and you have some inner strength and you're curious, like find a doctor who will help you taper off the meds so that you can see what is underneath that because it will be the path, like of so much incredible growth, you know. So like that just feels so like that. I'm just so passionate about that. And I know it's like a tricky topic and there's so much nuance to it, but like I just felt called a share. So I just place it here. I support it. Yeah, I mean that's

29:31all you talk about this a lot too is the root cause. And that root cause, like we have to know what is a root? It's buried deep beneath the earth. Like we have to understand that it's in the shadow. It's in the darkness. It's not easy easily extracted. Yeah. And the gateway to that root is emotion. And so raw emotion as it is unaltered. Yeah. No, like that's that's the portal to it. So if we numb that, if we alter that, we're not finding our unique portal. Yeah. And this is what you're going to love this because I feel like it's going to tie in everything that I speak is more of this artistic download on like how I learned something through my own experience. And then how can it be, you know, a teaching point for inspiration, you know, it's not the end all be all fixed, but it's a okay, this, this lands like sometimes I joke I'm the kindergarten teacher of the spirit world, just with all that can't stay in in the 12th

30:32house. And one of those things is, you know, leaning into the activation. So whatever the trigger, the anger, the frustration, the injustice, and that's your rising sign, which is like your ego that protects you. It's like, I, you know, this is, this is something that is going to be an energy that is like, no, you're not going to get near my moon. You're not going to know me. And we have to exhaust that like, why are you angry? Why is this feeling just why? And once that energy kind of like loses its charge, then we go to the moon and say, and why are you sad? And that's going to be the child, like that's going to be the innocence, that's going to be a sadder conversation and a vulnerable conversation. And then like once, once that energy kind of gets to that neutral, then we can go to our Sun sign and have that energy say, okay, well, what are we going to do about it? Like how are we going to lead ourselves? What's what's our line of action? And if we can just understand that our parts do have different voices and give them room to all be expressed as if

31:38we're sitting at a table, it does, you know, it makes you feel like you do have, you know, borderline personality disorder for a second, but it you start to navigate and lead yourself from a neutral place. And then you get to know that you said it so beautifully. Would you say you're you called it, like I call my default setting, but you called it something like your original energy or yeah, like state of innocence or so, I don't know. Yeah, it's so beautiful. I'm like, oh my god, I like that too. But yeah, just that, that who you are in your essence before the world touched you, that, that voice is very quiet and subtle because you've been ignoring it for so long. So, you know, you can pray all you want, but it's not going to be a burning bush, like you have to get quiet to listen. Yeah, and navigate the protective energy, navigate what you've absorbed from the collective, navigate your wounded exiles. Yeah. Um, one thing I wanted to kind of ask about is like you say a lot how complex trauma really affects relationships. And how does

32:44that show up? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, most people come and work with me when like they've had a major relational rupture. I was like, oh, you should have come like 10 years ago. Like they'll tell me their history of like that wasn't enough to get you into health, but like usually, you know, we're such relational creatures. And like, you know, in full transparency, one of the most tender pieces of my own journey is like, I, I should have gotten treatment for what I was doing to my kids, how I was drinking like way before I ended up finally being like, wait, I need help. It was because my second marriage was falling apart. And that like is so, fills me with such like, oh, that's the truth, but like literally like 15 years ago, I should have gotten help because of the kind of parent I was being, you know, so just like really like just how much that intimate romantic partnership is such a catalyst for us as humans,

33:48you know, like it just, it holds so much weight, like even more in some cases, like it overrides parent child, which is so frightening now that I kind of like, I'm zoomed back and have more healing. I'm like, oh, I see that again and again, and a lot of my clients have stories of like parents choosing partners over them. Like, you know, it cuts so deep. So yeah, just how it shows up in relationships, I think is, you know, when we have these wounded parts of us, it's like those parts are hoping our partners will be a parent. Like you're going to be the parent I've never had. But partners shouldn't, and be partners, I mean, shouldn't be parents, excuse me. And like that's a really energetically off contract, right? So it's like, it's like, not squeaky clean, right? Like it's an off contract. It's not what you want to set up. But it's how a lot of us with unresolved childhood trauma or complex trauma or even like tricky

34:53families, like we're working, we're trying to work through things energetically with partners that we didn't resolve or complete with parents. So the name of my podcast is heal first, then pick your life partner. Oh my gosh, I love it. I changed the name. I was like, fuck it. I'm just going to say what I mean, heal first, then pick your life partner. And then I was in show and I say, and if you're too late for that, then heal first before you divorce. Oh gosh. Because you just can't see clearly, you know, like you might end up getting divorced even after you healed, at least you're seeing clearly who's in front of you. And you're seeing very clearly like what user is not possible with this human. So I think a lot of the relationship stuff is like we just haven't found our center. We haven't taken radical responsibility for ourselves. We're not whole, we're not differentiated. We don't energetically protect. And then we expect somebody else to be the answer to all these unresolved problems, issues, wounds means that we have. Yeah. And

36:00that's that's not what a partner is. A partner in my now I fully understand a partner is there to make life better. Like a partner is like extra like overflow. Like I'm so glad you're here because you make it better or I'm so glad I had a second set of hands because it was easier or I'm so grateful you contribute resources because now we have more. But it's not I can't live without you. I can't resource myself without you. I can't function without you. You know, it's like that's so transactional. Yeah, I don't and I don't think people notice that that's what's happening. I mean, I think I've witnessed both sides of that in my own life, but it seems like with my clients, I noticed a more heavier on the the woman trying to be the mother. Yeah, the male. And I feel like in my first marriage, that's what it's like I I didn't trust him. So I wanted to, you know, parent him. And and that kills intimacy like nothing else, you know, and then in my current

37:06relationship, I at the beginning of our relationship because I was so hurt and, you know, portrayal and bitter, bitter, all of these things, I feel like I almost was looking at him as being that like protector father figure. That had to be resolved as well. And so being on both sides now as we learn, you know, I feel like the things that I've experienced both spectrums of is where my psychic abilities and intuition and how I lead people comes in the cleanest because I don't have judgment because it's like I've been there and I've been there and let's look at the scope of it and then, you know, learn how to lead ourselves. But I don't think that people that are in it until they hear conversations like this and they have that responsibility as enough to be like, hmm, is this something that I need to look at? Like, should I look in the mirror and say, do I look at my husband as a partner or am I trying to mother him or do I look at him as a father? Yeah. And I think one thing you said to you, like, I just have walked a lot of clients through this to the, you know,

38:08this idea of like, I don't trust him. And I'm like, well, listen to your intuition. Like, there's a reason you don't trust him. You're not crazy. So it's like either you have not set up scenarios to build trust with him because you're doing everything, you're holding all the responsibility, you don't trust humans in general. They're a human. So you don't trust them. Like, okay. Or are they actually not trustworthy because you've attempted to, you know, give some responsibility or receive support and they dropped the ball or they didn't, they couldn't uphold. Like, you know, so it's like honoring what is truth, but also recognizing everything's a co-creation. And sometimes you don't have good data when you're putting very distorted stuff into the relational field to like, get that data. This is my take on it. Like, I'm also very neutral. But like, my take is like, get the good valid data. But like, girl, once you have the data, make a decision based on the data and don't look back. Yes. Yes. I say all the time, experience over evidence. Because if you wait for hard

39:15evidence to show up in the physical world, you're already exhausted. So it's like that experience, like your experience is giving you energetic data. And what is the experience of that data? And it's like, okay, if you don't trust him, if you're snooping through his phone, if you have anxiety, if you're depressed, like, yeah, make a decision. You're so, yeah. And it takes a long time to have the courage to do that because we want, we're raised in an evidential supporting society. Like, why? Why are you leaving? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can't make decisions based on your feelings. How silly of you? Yeah. Yeah. But now when you do as much work as we do, we're like, I absolutely will remove myself from a container or a relationship or an environment. If my feelings are not feeling secure, safe, seen, validated, whatever it is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm inclined to share this little story that, you know, relationships are healing

40:19containers. Like, this is where we do our work. I guarantee we would all feel very healed if we just sat at home every day with our journal and read Tanner's big book, you know, we would all be like, I feel complete now. And then we have to get go out in the world and get in relationship. And that's where art is exposed and others is exposed as well. And I think it spoke in December 2024. So a little over a year ago at a gala, like a holiday gala. And after I was done speaking, there was of course, you know, women that wanted to come up. And usually I think people are starting to like, they don't know boundaries. You know, like, they don't understand like just because psychic medium doesn't mean that you should come up and tell me all of your most traumatic stories in your life. But I surrendered to it. And I just, you know, I actually literally went and got a bottle of champagne and sat at a table and felt like Santa Claus. And people just came up to it. And I was like, you know, I hear it. Yeah. Here we go. But one woman did come up to me and she said,

41:21I was hoping you could feel into something for me. You know, I've had enough fair with my husband, on my husband or, you know, with somebody else. She's married. And I'm moving to these coast. And I don't remember exactly what I said. But I told her what came through. And I could see on her face, she didn't like what I said. And that's something that you just learn with psychic stuff. Like mediumship, you usually know pretty quick. Like, oh, that's true. Yay. Validate psychic. It's, it's like, we shall see. Okay. Next. And so she just came up to me this past week. I had another speaking engagement. She's like, do you remember me? And I was like, I, of course, I do, you know, I remember the, the look on your face. But I told you the message that I want to just thank you for saying everything that nobody else had the balls to say to me. And I, I was like, what did I say? And she said, you told me that if I leave my husband that I will rewrite this story with someone else and that me and my husband have a new love story to write and that the guy that I was having

42:23in a fair with was not safe. And I said, yes, he is safe. He makes me feel safer than I've ever felt. And I said, anyone that puts you in a situation to abandon the vows you gave to your husband is not a safe person. And you moving, I guess, I, I know, I was like, damn, how much champagne did I have at that point? But I just delivered it to her in the way I saw it. And she said, everything you said had come true. My husband and I are closer than we've ever been. Me having a fair was a catalyst of deeper communication, religious trauma that was making me feel trapped in ways that he never trapped me. And she think I have goosebumps actually. I do see her. Yeah. Yeah. She was so gracious. And, and then she's starting to realize her clear cognizant channel is opening. And the way I delivered that message was very abrupt, I would say. And she always thought, you know, my gifts have to be delivered in a certain way. And we have this idea of how we should be if we're compassionate connected to the divine people. And it's like, no, we're the filtration system. So we might

43:26be a little bit crass. We might be a little bit funny. It does. It's different. But that was something that it's like, no matter what we're still going to heal through relationships. No matter. Yeah. I love that story. I love that story. I feel like that's medicine for me too. Just like lately, I've just been more direct, you know, often say you're not going to like what I'm about to say. That's your special moon girl. Like, like, bring out the spice, please. You're not going to like what I'm about to say. You know, so I love that. I felt like medicine for me. Just is like validating a little part of my personal journey right now just as a guy, you know, you know, not just like not overcompete. I think, you know, we all go through journeys. And I think you said something like this. I was taking in some of your content. But it's like when you're younger and you don't really feel liked for a lot of your gifts, I think when you start to share your gifts, you're like, oh, I need to be likeable first

44:27so that someone will listen. And then you reach a point and you're like, fuck it. I don't even care if you like, you're not. But you're just lucky. I'm sharing it. I don't mean that in an entitled way like that girl give it to me. But it's just like, you know, like, I can't filter for this anymore. I can't like censor. It's either is this or it's not. You like it. You don't. You want more. You don't like, it's no skin off my back. And it's like, do you want to heal or not? Yeah. Like one of my favorite stories is like, I'm not there yet. That's good. I need that. I need that. I need that level of like, because I know that about my work. But I, but I haven't quite got into the like, do you want to heal or not? But I love that. Like, yeah. Yeah. Do you want to heal or not? Yes. Because you're, you guys, like if you go to her Instagram and just watch the reels, like I did

45:27today and it or her podcast, Tanner, your voice is medicinal. The vibration of your voice is, is compassion. And so as an energetic being listening to an energetic being, I, I felt so held and so safe. So if you combine that with a little bit of that harshness, I think that, like that, that's like a surgeon. Like, forget the bedside manner. Like, you're coming in and you're like, we're going to actually rearrange things. And it's like, yes. You know, you know what's so interesting. So not to turn the podcast into a session for me. But I think I am starting to reclaim that because what I think in the past, I was in an environment as an academic, as a scientist, as a researcher, where that was just not valued. And it wasn't received well. And then growing up, you know, I'm your kid. Like, so it wasn't, so I haven't had a lot of spaces that's been received well. But I've created a life

46:28to hold that gift. Like, I don't have to play by those rules anymore. Do you know what I mean? Like, I think it's just like me updating to be like, wait, Tanner, like, you're in a different, you're where people value it. You're in a different spot. Like, you don't have to play by those rules anymore. Like you released yourself of those rules. But I don't think, I don't think I've embodied that yet. So this is good for me. I love it. I love it so much. And then just to like me or back to you, like, I used to play therapist. So you should have seen me with my readings. I'd have my folders and my notes. And I would prepare forever. Like, I would do a reading for the energy before the reading because I was like, oh my gosh, I have to be so, you know, and I was like trying to be clinical. Yeah. And I was like, this is exhausting. Like, I don't need to do this. Like, I don't like, what is going to come through for the individual because my filtration system is is filled with compassion. And so as yours, you're like, I've been their girl. I got you, but like, you need to pull your head out of your ass. So I know you're not going to say that to

47:32people, but I have versions of it, not like that, but versions of it. Yeah. Oh my gosh. So I, okay. So when you say that you're an educational, um, or you have your PhD in education. Yeah. What does that mean? So I have a PhD in education. I was an educational researcher for that's like 20 years before I was like, I'm not doing this anymore. So then I went back and I got trained in internal family systems. So like, that's the primary trauma modality I use. I mean, I weave in human design and the gene keys, the vine archetypal resonance and breathwork. Like, there's a lot of other things beyond just internal family systems, but that's kind of like my certification route. Like, you know, would I get continuing Ed credit in? Yeah. That's a part of my trauma work. Are you a one three in human design? What's your five one? Five one. Oh my gosh. So you're like, you're living your design. Like you were doing the thing. Yeah. I'm a one three.

48:34Okay. I was like, there's just so much that I feel so familiar with you. It's our one line, of course, but the five is like much more of a leadership. You know, when you're doing, I mean, you're doing that and you're doing it so beautifully. And I think my three lines, like, I'm just going to live life and then tell you about it. I am through that sometimes. It's like really powerful and son in the five line. It's like, it feels like a lot of responsibility sometimes. Oh, yeah. We're in in the fourth house, you know, so it's, it's, I mean, you're doing lineage work. You're really changing the trajectory of the future generations with, I'll quote you, still having compassion for the past generation. Yeah. It's, it's interesting. Like a couple years ago, I had this really clear vision that I'm supposed to live a completely like sober life. You know, it's like, I moved through a lot of my really addictive behavior. So I, I felt in a position where I could like, recreationally use substances. But it

49:37was like crystal clear. It was like, you got to be sober to do this work. You have to be sober to ring this through. You have to be the anchor. Like everything has to be crystal clear all times. You never know when you're going to get a message. And I was like, okay, I'm here. But it was like such a specific date where I don't have to be sober anymore. It was July 17th, 2029. And so like, I just joking. I'm like, my capricorn, my five line, I'm putting that down and I'm going to have some fun for at least a week. I'm going to do anything serious. I have, I'm right now in a course electional astrology. And I'm learning about like the things, you know, I'm using it more to review. Okay. I like to use things as more of a validating of what I already know in my own system of knowing rather than like, I'm going to, you know, be fear mongering and walk on eggshell. Like I'm not that persistent. Okay. Yeah. But I want to look at that date. I'm going to look at that date and be like, why, you know, why? Why? It was so specific. How interesting. Yeah. You know, when I asked Tanner

50:46on the podcast, she expressed, you know, I'd love to be on there, but you know, is it okay that I don't have champagne because I am sober? And I was like, you know, most of the people, most these podcasts aren't, aren't drinking. They, they really aren't because of hours or whatever. It's the essence. And, you know, I, I think that I have addiction on both sides of my family and from a young age, I was sort of overly interested in like, when does somebody become an addict? Like, if I have a beer once, am I going to get addicted or, and I, I was just very cautious. And then that's why I avoid heart alcohol. I mean, I'll have a margarita every once in a while, but I noticed that the, the loss of like, I could be here and then I could be here. I, I don't like that. And so it's like wine or beer. It's like, you know, where you're at as you consume. And I realize now that like, not everybody is built the same. And addiction is, is, well, I want to ask your opinion on this.

51:47Yeah. Okay. Any addiction people always think drugs and alcohol. Yeah. It just seems like that's where they go. Yeah. I feel like addiction is actually part of the human experience. And it's what gives us relief. And if, if alcohol was the thing that gave us the most relief and we stop drinking alcohol, it just makes sense to me that something replaced that. Yeah. It can. Okay. Yeah. I mean, I think addiction is a part of us that wants a physiological state change because whatever the present moment is, it feels intolerable. Like whatever's happening now, it feels intolerable. So we want to take ourselves out of that. If you are enjoying aspects of life and you're not looking for that physiological state change because you're very connected to the present moment, that's a really different way of consuming or participating in things. Like, I think to me, it's like, what gets wobbly is when somebody actually can't be present in their life. Like, they're escaping. They're numbing. They're

52:49like, I can't handle this. I need, you know, that's when it's like, ooh, like even if you're not technically addicted, a part of you is kind of using that to escape. Like, that just doesn't, like, I think that's something to look at for everybody, you know? And whether it's social media, whether it's sex, whether it's spending money, whether it's shopping, like, anything, right? Can do that for us. Yeah. I've got to admit to my feelings. Like, even like, beauty treatments. Like, I mean, people yeah. Like, exercise, food, like, so much, you know, can just take on that. Yeah. Yeah. I have had to admit to my family that, like, touch, like to me, touch can, like, ground me really quick, like just a hand on my arm. And I do get addicted to, like, the healing, the education of healing, like the qualities, like the, you know, like learning something more, practicing more,

53:49and that can take me out of the present moment to where, you know, my son will come home and I'll ask him a question and I won't hear what he said. Yeah. It's like, I'm still in the content that I just consumed or the class or whatever. And, and it's like, touch my arm if I look like I'm not present because I'm usually not. And then that physical touch can be like, oh, I'm so sorry. Can you tell me again? Yeah. That's very sweet. I love that. Okay. So let's just, let's just go back. I knew that this was going to be fun because I'm like, we're going to just talk about all the things. But when it comes to your work, how do you serve, how do you serve your community? How do you serve people? So the podcast is the first space. So it's a weekly, free podcast. Like I said, it's called heal first and pick your life partner. So on that show, I just share a lot of my opinions, you know, opinions about healing, opinions about relationships. So if anyone's listening and they're like, I don't know, it's complex trauma, something that I should explore. Just listen to my podcast. You don't need a label

54:51if it resonates. I'm amazing. You know, I hope it's high value for you. And then I'm also an Instagram. So I create content over there. Although, I've kind of been shifting. I'm still finding my way with Instagram. Like, yeah, I say the podcast will get more of me Instagram. I kind of give a little taste of me, but I'm not fully expressed on Instagram yet. Maybe never. I don't know. We'll see. Yeah. And then I have a website, CPTSDmedicine.com. And so that's a place you can join my email list. I send out Tanner's take emails, which are opinionated emails about healing and relationships. And then you can also see what I offer. I have workshop in a six-month container, but that's all on the website. Okay. Do you do any impersonal retreats or anything yet? I want to. That is what I'm kind of. So I think I'm by nature kind of a hermit, like just like by design and just how I work. But I felt this huge calling to start doing

55:53in-person stuff. So it's like, I've kind of sat like 2027. I feel like I need a year. So like, I still have some curriculum pieces moving through me. Like, I'm still writing some of the curriculum. And I feel like there's still some integration to do, but I am looking forward. Because I think, like, I just want to hug people. There's people I've worked with for a while. And I'm just like, I want to hug you. Like, I want to see you. I also feel like most of my energy work is open online. And I just want to see like how it works when you're like in the field with somebody. But I, I know how much energetic protection, like protection that probably takes. So I just, I need to play, I need to feel super solid before I do. Because I've totally nailed the online, anyone, anytime around the world. Like, that's my jam. But I, I am called to do in person. Yeah, I see that for you. I say, I mean, yeah, that I can like feel the hug, like just the space.

56:55And just the emotion, like, just in, in your space, emotion would just. Yeah. I feel like it's going to be something where it's like somebody else's thing that like, I just drop in. Like, I'm not, I can't see myself like organized. Like, that's just not like my mind just like thing. I know. I know. I know. I'm good. I know. I know a girl that hosts your treats, you know, yeah, you're so amazing. So good. Definitely my, that is where I shine. Like, I, I know what people need to feel held. And I guarantee it was because of my complex drama. Yeah. You know, like, people want to know, like, the, it's like, think about when you go anywhere, like, why would you have anxiety? You know, and so it's like all of those times in my life where I felt unsafe or had anxiety or it's like, I just took that and gathered information and created something that, you know, I'm not going to say that you're not going to have anxiety

57:59because anytime we do anything new, especially when that newness is about you becoming more awake, you will have nerves. But that's the one thing that women, you know, not only say that they love so much and that they've never felt held, but they, you know, they're coming back to their fifth and sixth and seventh through a treat. Something that I love to do. And I absolutely could see us holding space together. I love your energy and honor. Oh my gosh. For sure. Oh my gosh, you're, like, you, you're so, you know, I think probably you hear this all the time, but you're just so real. Like, you're, you're so, you don't speak from like a hierarchy. You don't speak and no offense, but like, as in like, I'm a doctor and I know, you know, it's, it's like, you just have this relatability. Like, when you speak, I feel like I know you. That's all the healing. Yeah. I feel like 10 years ago, you wouldn't have felt that from me, but that's like the unburdening of the parts of me that had to feel better than to feel safe, the parts of me that felt that were hiding behind a doctorate. You know, like, when there's not,

59:04when you're not running fear, it's like, wait, I don't have to prove myself. I don't have to be different. Like, we're all okay. It's safe to be different. And we need each other. I think we're good. Yeah. So I received that. I received that. That's, that's like a validation of all the work I've done because that, that would not have always been the case. I'm pretty sure people intimidated by you. Yeah. I think, I think, but I also just had like this edge like I this part of me that was just really like did not trust people. And so just kind of had like a lot of, I will destroy energy, but also a roof because I'm also like, I'm, I'm a such a people person, but I'm not a social person. If that makes sense. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And that's a confute. Like, once you understand that, you're like, oh, yeah, I'm not so sure. Like, don't bring me to like that. But I'm such a people person, you know, like, just knowing your own name. So I think that was confusing for me. So, yeah, I don't know what people would have said, but it probably wouldn't have been that nice. I think too. It's like a rising lemur thing. Like, rising lemurs can be like, it's like, you lead

1:00:10with justice. And for the most part, there's not a lot of justice in this human experience. That's kind of an edgy. They're kind of just always a little pissed off. Like, they're like, no, you know, like, they have this like perception of like, this isn't working. Why, how, how is everyone okay with this? Yeah. And I think I had a lot of that and kind of like a misplaced toxic masculinity version of it. And now that I've kind of like embodied my divine feminine, it's more the energy of that kind of justice is more like, okay, try, you're going to fuck it up. And then you're going to be back and we'll fix it later. But like, you could just fix it now. But if you don't want to listen, just get off my back. Yes. Yes. Yes. You know, so it's a little like, I'm not responsible for everyone. Yeah. I have a question. You kind of alluded to this when you were referencing your second husband where you're like, hey, you know, like, I'm not the only one that has stuff in this relationship because we're in relationship. Yeah. Before I yield. Yes. Yes. But one thing I feel like I noticed about myself on my healing journey is I was

1:01:15obsessed with labels, but I was more likely trying to find labels for myself. So I was like constantly diagnosing myself. But I don't think a lot of people operate that way. I think sometimes people gather information, you know, in the quick Google or Instagram search. And then they're like, I was with a narcissist. I was in, and they put the labels out there. But no matter what labels they are, when it comes to like personal disorders or all of the medical terms, they're usually is like that opposition. Like there's that, that, um, what am I trying to say? But, you know, there's they attract opposites attract. And so what would you say with somebody that has like complex trauma? Yeah. What what do you see with that? Like, why are they so either obsessed with labels for others or themselves? And in, I don't know, that's the start of the conversation I hope. Yeah. So I think, I think when people are really like wanting a label, it's like they, they have

1:02:20an experience that they feel they have, it doesn't, it hasn't landed as truth yet for themselves. And I feel like they want that external. Like it's hard for me because or you hurt me so much because, you know, or like, I need special treatment because or, um, I, I, and justified signing up for this healing retreat because. And it's like in my world, I'm like, we don't need the labels. Like, if it's true to you, it's true to me. Like we're good. You know, and I think if people is like energetic beings, so I'm like, I really wouldn't use the term narcissistic. I'd use the term like they're running energy of like, I need to be special probably because a parent was pretty cruel to them and made them feel like nothing. And so they're just running that prove it. I'm special. You don't matter energy because they're terrified of being hurt again. Yeah. Now you may not want to be with someone like that. Okay, fine, because that's a long road. You don't want to be the person to

1:03:22craft that shell. But like, we don't need to other. Like I can just like really anti othering because I'm like, we're all in this where there is no separation. We're all swimming in the same energetic soup. Like, you know, we are running different energies. You can decide what you're available for or not. But I just don't think it really helps personally to label. And I think whenever I have a someone in my relational field that's either interested in working with me or is working with me, I mean, usually people work with me know that I don't love labels. So it's like, they're not really part of our containers. But, you know, if I'm talking with someone who's thinking about it, it's like, I know they just feel like they need something to justify their experience. Like you're saying, and that's the evidence. My experience doesn't just stand. I need this evidence from the outside. It's just what you said. Yes. And for me, I'm like, your experience stands. You don't need to label like we're good. Like just tell me about the energy. Tell me about the lived experience. That's that's what we're going to work with. Yeah. Yeah. Like a lot. Yeah.

1:04:28I found it helpful like because obviously I got introduced to the word narcissists at some point in my life and experience the they are narcissists. But what helped me always is like anytime I get that charge of I need to label somebody, then I try to look in the mirror and find where my I have showed up narcissistic in a relationship. Just so I could sort of like have full spectrum of like if this is a relationship, I feel victimized in where is a relationship where maybe I could have shown up as the villain. You know, and that's a terrible label. But, you know, I just I think that at the end of the day, like wherever labels are present, it means that there's work to do around the full understanding of it. Yeah. But I love that you don't. And it's not that the labels aren't describing something energetically, right? So, but like it's like, well, let's let's think about the energy. Like let's talk about the parts. Like what what are they blended with? Like what are they kind of acting from? Right? It's like, it's like, I didn't think it's like energy in parts and

1:05:32not like, oh, that human. I'm like, no, that human is running this energy. So of course you're seeing this behavior, but that's not them. That's the trauma energy. So they are accountable for their actions and they are responsible for their actions. They're an adult. But like that's what gets so confusing in a relationship to go back to something we talked about is like, we're running trauma energies that are very juvenile, very childlike, but we're in an adult body. It gets confusing to a partner. It's like, we like one minute, you seem so confident. The next minute you read my text messages and you're acting like a 11 year old child. Like what is happening here? And I'm like, it's just the energy to switch to a childlike energy. You know, it's like, yeah, you're not new anymore. So it's like, once you, at least from where I see like, you think about parts and energy and entities and like, who's possessed? Like who's running what? It's like, you just kind of see underneath the label. You know, if that makes sense. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. So I would love if we could

1:06:36possibly end on what beautiful thing you said recently about how when we do, most of my work is inner child work. So people are very familiar with this, this type of language. But you reference like, you know, when we're doing inner child work, we easily can have compassion for the six year old, the 11 year old. But then you go on and explain a little bit more of what that work really entails on a broader spectrum. Yeah. Oh, this is one of my like, most like, this is one of my teachings I just find so powerful. So I'm so glad you brought this up at the end. It's so personal to me and it's, it's touched so many of my students' lives. It's, it's that we also need to find compassion like the 34 year old version of us, the 43 year old version of us, the 27 year old version of us, who it's easy for us to say, I should have known better. I should have done better. Like, how could

1:07:37I still be doing that or how could I've done that? Or, you know, we just, we think that just because we turned 18 or made it through our 20s that all of a sudden we should have just healed or we should have just gotten all those developmental milestones taken care of. But if you haven't actually healed at the root and you haven't walked yourself through those developmental milestones, it doesn't matter how old your physical body is. You could be 63. I have held students who are 67 who are running energies of a five year old, you know, very primitive, very young parts. And so you just have to have not only compassion because I think compassion, it helps, but it's a little soft. I think actually the the energetics that really is important is like, I mistakenly thought I could do better, but I actually couldn't because I didn't receive the education and training and skill in order to actually handle that differently. Now that I know

1:08:41better, I will do better. And if I don't, then I can hold myself accountable, but it's not fair for me to retrospectively assess my five, 10 year ago self, even month ago self if you're on a rapid like growth and evolution healing journey, because I just didn't know. I just didn't know. And so it's like just so much shame that needs to be released around that, but holding ourselves accountable for when we do know. And like that, a balance of compassionate accountability with shame released for what you cannot change is really like where the magic is. One of my favorite favorite mantras from CPTSD medicine is I cannot take this back, but I will build from here. And like that to me just encapsulates all of that. Like I can't take it back. And you know, if you've lived long enough with complex trauma, there are things you just can't

1:09:42take back. Like I cannot take some things back, like done, but I can build from here. And that's what I will do. Yeah. Yes. And this whole thing, I mean, really it's about reparenting ourselves in having emotional maturity. And I like to like strive for emotional elegance. And everything that you're saying is like, how may I continuously be okay with the evolution of myself knowing that I'll never arrive at what I think feels complete and keep going and then have that same perspective for other people. Like what is their inner child saying? What is their inner child going with? And not that we have to be in mesh with them or responsible for them, but I think it does make us lead ourselves a little bit less reactively. That's a yeah. When we smile in because I feel like what came through to me is like, there'll be moments where like I'll think to myself in my life, like I really mastered this. Like I've just put my ego aside and I am just

1:10:48such a evolved person. And then I swear the universe is like really Tanner. And like we'll just put the perfect little scenario where I'm like, oh shit. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like there's a couple really clear ones that like, it's like you couldn't, it's like a movie. Like you couldn't have orchestrated the scene better. Like just beep, beep, oh yeah. Okay. That's what I feel like I'm going through right now is and that's why I put, I don't know if you saw it, but I put my mug shot from when I was a teenager on the internet. Like I put it on it. I actually didn't see that. Oh my gosh. Well, it starts out with a beautiful picture and it's like, okay, if you put me on a pedestal, I want to introduce you to the girl that built this life. Like it's sort of like, yeah, I need you to understand that this wasn't like, oh, you know, my life has always been this way. Like this is a journey of a lot of very, very hard paths to get to where I am today. And but I think that's where I'm at right now is like being honest about constantly being humbled and letting my grit in my past and all the things that normally I

1:11:53would be embarrassed or shamed or like, you know, make the older ladies clench their pearls over, which actually did happen when I got kicked out the ladies lunch in for saying that word. Anyway, but like I just want to bring her forward and say she exists in me too and she's not going anywhere. And that's actually what I think is helping me expand. Oh, I love that. I just love it. Oh, thank you, Tanner. Thank you for being here. Thank you for sharing your beautiful energy. I love, love, love your haircut. Oh, I know. Thank you. I love it too. So great. Thank you. I received that. I was, I was a hairstylist for 10 years. And I was, you know, I was pretty good at it. And when you got, I was like hoping so much that you went to somebody that like knew what they were doing. Yeah, I have a girl that I've been nailed like 20 years. I love Lindsey, Lindsey Patterson, Bertie Beauty bar shout out. Where do you live? I live in Swickly PA, which is outside of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Nice. Okay. Oh, love it.

1:12:56All right. Well, is there anything you want to add before we bring it to a close? No, I just, I've just loved this conversation. I feel like I could talk to you for I feel like we're just getting started. And I love that. So we'll have to have a part two sometime. I would love that. All right. You guys, please go follow CPTSD medicine. I love how I said it. I nailed it on Instagram. Dr. Tanner Wallace is just a treat to be in her energy, her excellence. Go listen to the podcast and please don't hesitate saying hi to her once you give her a follow. Thank you, Tanner. Thank you so much. Thank you for joining champagne channeling. I hope this started off your weekend beautifully. If you would like to learn more about our guest, please visit the show notes for more information. If you would like to support me, you can leave a written review, which helps the podcast grow. Or you may toast your host at the link in the show notes for a glass

1:14:00or a bottle of champagne. I love you guys. Thank you for joining again. Cheers to a beautiful weekend. And I will see you next week.