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We're all going to have different names for those glimpses or different ways to articulate
our experience of them, whether it's joy or beauty or space,
bandlessness or no self, emptiness.
I had enough glimpses in meditation but also in the way that I was able to engage with people.
So things that used to feel things I needed to right free from, there was this alchemical
When I started to feel like I was moving towards something, I was moving towards a bit
more joy, a bit more beauty, a bit more space.
That felt very marked for me, that shift from moving away from suffering to moving towards
And it's not like that just happened once and now my whole life is moving towards joy
That's not how I experienced it actually and it's not like I'd never experienced suffering
or confusion or disappointment or expectations and the disappointment that can come from
disillusioned idealism.
And yet there is something that has been glimpsed that I can't unsee, that I can't forget.
I carried on practising and I was ordained two years ago and that was not as I expected
I was very attached to the idea of what ordination was going to mean and what it was going
to look like, that it meant that I was moving away from this old way of being and I was
moving towards this new way of being that was going to be better, but it didn't feel
like that, didn't look like that.
And yeah, I was away on a three month retreat and there were quite intense experiences
and glimpses of this beyond that I have felt and known in my body, though there were tough
times on that retreat, definitely.
I can't unlearn those things, I can't unsee those things.
Even though things keep shifting and spiraling sometimes going back on itself, it's not a linear
There is an underlying current moving towards something bigger than myself, something less
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