Funny Games

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I'm scaring me.

It's getting wet.

Keep you up late, night and day.

Use a podcast that will help you raise your mind.

I'm going to explain the part.

Real nicely, then we'll talk about what's frightening so you never have to have a smoking

time.

It's ruined.

Hey, guys.

Hey, guys.

Welcome to another episode from the void.

From the void.

Ooh.

Robot.

Robot.

Oh, yeah.

Well, I want to say they can't be the same.

You know, we haven't met them yet.

We don't know what's going on.

We're so happy to be resurfacing some of our classic episodes for new listeners and for

people who have been around because these are years and years old.

Just like us.

We've been at it a few years old.

And this week, we are bringing you one of our first episodes, funny games.

Now, Alison, what do you recall about funny games?

A funny thing.

I remember them like dropping the eggs on the ground.

Great.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Like the two blonde teen boys terrorizing this family just destroyed like an end, you know,

now thinking in 2026 prices.

Oh, I mean, my God.

What a, what a financial devastation that is.

And for Alison, the idea of two blonde boys coming over and dropping eggs.

Like that's, that is a whole movie.

That's a whole movie.

That's the whole thing.

That's the whole movie.

That's still scary.

Enjoy funny games from the void.

The movie we are doing this week is funny games.

Now this funny games, the one we're doing is the remake from 2007.

But I thought, you know, with the rules around remakes, we haven't established any.

So, um, I didn't know there was an original.

So we're luckily shot by shot.

English language remake of the same exact movie by the same director.

What language was the original end?

Why are you asking me up top to like.

And information about a movie that you're allegedly super into.

No, I shouldn't know this.

I'm really sorry.

I'm not, I, no, I, this is a movie I had never seen before.

I heard a lot about it.

Okay.

Obviously, if you look up, you know, top, you know, 25 horror movies of the past 25 years.

Funny games is often on it.

So I've always known it like sort of culturally.

I've never seen.

I actually saw it specifically for this episode, which we'll discuss it.

Um, more of a funny girl, a fan.

That would be more my world.

Which, uh, June.

So the original, um, 1997 version also by director Michael Hancky is Austrian.

So that's a scarier.

Well, uh, I didn't watch that.

And we got to see English one.

He's heard Europe is in general very scary.

I'm telling you, the English language one, that's a scary is you can handle.

Yeah.

You can't even handle.

No, I can't.

I can't handle anything.

Though, of course, if I did summarize the other one, it would be in English, but let's just do it.

I would have no idea that we were doing a movie.

I was in a different language because I wouldn't have seen it.

And I love the power that I have, uh, because you don't know anything.

You know, I like being able to control you in a way.

So we just watched the, um, funny games trailer, Alison, first reactions.

I mean, it would scare you.

I was scared until they started playing John to your music behind the psychologically terrifying scenes.

Which for me, it just undoes all of it.

Like the second you have something that sounds like it was in loony tunes playing underneath somebody who's.

I think killing someone with a golf club.

I don't know what to think anymore.

Very stewed observation.

Thank you.

No, the decision because you, you have said in the past that you don't like horror comedy.

I love it, but you were very much like those are two different flavors that don't belong together.

I don't like them together because I don't like horror.

To me, like, it's, it's not peanut butter and chocolate.

It's, you know, dirt and chocolate.

Peanut butter and mint.

I like peanut butter and mint.

Oh my god.

What?

We're a great guys in the horror movie right now.

So you don't eat junior men's when you're seeing a horror movie.

I, I'd rather die than eat a junior mid in any scenario.

I would rather only eat junior men's.

I'd never see a horror movie.

So this, if you haven't seen the movie, guess what?

We're about to spoil it.

So please stay aware.

Yes.

And if you have seen it, you know that the central, the, the scary part of this movie is a home invasion.

And how do you feel about a home invasion as this spooky scenario?

I'm like, I don't want one.

Hate it.

Hate it.

Not a fan.

Not a fan with this home invasion.

I don't like people I know coming to my house.

What?

A lot of people I don't know coming into my house.

And especially they're trying to kill you.

Yes.

So it's various.

Yeah, I would say for me it is one of the scarier, like I prefer to say a ghost or that kind of thing.

This, all my patients do happen.

Right.

They're, yeah, the more real any horror movie is like the more terrifying I find it.

Like a giant scary monster that like comes from the supernatural.

Right.

It's still terrifying to me.

Exactly.

But I can like remind myself like that doesn't exist.

Whereas like two hot guys wearing white polo is showing up to your house to kill you.

Two complete hotties.

They're so hot.

They're so hot.

The pillowies lips and the floppy is beautiful bangs.

Yeah.

It's very confusing watching it because the whole time you're like, well, they, but they are hot.

I'm like, I do want them to kill me.

And I, you know, what does that run over me with your car?

Oh, yeah.

You don't choke me daddy in this scenario.

It's very shattered my tibio with your golf fun daddy.

It's what we would say to Michael pit and wrote down his name.

Bradley.

Corbin.

Corbin.

Stunners.

Two stunners.

If they show, if they show up to your door.

In any scenario.

They are killed.

Oh, but they're there to kill you.

Absolutely.

Well, and so maybe we should just get into the summary.

That's the problem.

That is initial.

That is the kickoff of funny games.

Yeah.

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So we start and we have Ann played by Naomi Watts and George played by Tim Roth and they're driving with their son,

Georgie, too.

And they're gorgeous golden retriever lucky in their car.

Yeah, well, we know that from the trailer.

They're driving their car.

They're towing their sailboat to their, they're going to Long Island.

It says it's a lake.

I'm not taking it to be the Hamptons.

And everything is so perfect and beautiful and they're watching.

They're listening to opera.

So you know, of course things are going to, I feel like the better things are in the business.

The better things are in the beginning for everybody in these movies.

Like, the worse it's going to get.

Like if you're like a happy, beautiful family with like 1.5 children and a fancy dog and you're going on a luxury trip somewhere,

like you're all going to die.

Someone's going to hit your house with a golf club immediately.

Yeah.

Although that's exactly the weapon that these people would get hurt with.

This is a very particular, um, you know, niche x-ray in nightmare.

So they drive to their lake house and they wave to their next-round neighbors who are on the lawn,

Eve and Fred.

And with even Fred, our two young men addressed all in white who we've never seen before and Anna George have never met.

And they could tell that even Fred, something is a little funny, you know what I mean?

And even Georgie, their son says, well, where's Jenny, their daughter?

And do they know them?

Had they met them before?

Yes. So they're basically like, what I took it as, you see them every summer when you go to the lake.

Sure.

So they're close, but you only see them, you know, when you're in this particular location.

And it's all these big, gorgeous houses that are extremely far apart and are clearly only people are only there on vacation.

So like a lot of these houses probably are uninhabited.

People are just getting for the season, you know what I mean?

There's not like there's a town around there.

Yeah.

Already terrifying.

Right. So they go, George, and they're like, that's a little odd, but we're having a great time going on the lake.

George and Georgie go and set up the sailboat and ends in the kitchen.

And she has brought four pounds of steak and she's sort of preparing dinner right away.

So Georgie comes to her and says, hey, there's somebody at the door.

And it's one of the young men we've seen who is dressed all in white.

And all in white is just such a red flag and such a villain move at this point.

They're wearing pure white gloves.

Why?

Also so messy.

Like, that's also the confidence, that's a male confidence thing to wear all white.

Like to do what they're about to do.

Yes.

And you see that, but again, I think it's like, well, they're young.

They're white.

They have great hair.

Their lips look like a figure eight.

I think it's okay.

You know, so basically the one, this is Peter, who comes to the door and says, you know, I'd like to borrow four eggs.

Hello.

Hello.

So I decided to stir up you.

I'm staying next door.

I saw you earlier at the gate.

How can I help you?

Mrs. Thompson sent me.

She's cooking and she ran out of eggs and asked if he could help her out.

And the answer, like, this is kind of a hassle.

Also, again, Paul's played by, Peter's played by Brady Corbett.

Paul is Michael Pitt.

They're both terrifying.

And they also kind of look similar.

They do look really similar.

I didn't realize there were two of them until they were both in a scene in the trailer.

So Peter said, can I borrow four eggs?

And it's like, sure.

Okay.

Borrow's four eggs.

He immediately drops them.

Like I was in her business.

Presumably.

Okay.

I don't know his business, but I got to assume basically what's about to happen.

Right.

This is all intentional.

You'll still have four left.

It's a box for the dozen, isn't it?

Or am I mistaken?

No, you're not mistaken.

So, would you like the current this time?

It's not necessary.

Are you sure?

Look, before you destroy the rest of the kitchen, maybe she'd just take the eggs and leave.

All right?

Yes.

She gives him four more eggs.

He goes outside, the dogs barking up a storm because dogs can sense evil, of course.

And he drops the other four eggs.

And he's like, oh, the dog may be dropped the eggs.

Ian is already like, all right.

Well, that was eight eggs.

That's all you get.

That's a lot of eggs to borrow.

You got to get out.

And then basically he starts to pressure her very gently.

And both he and Peter and Paul have very gentle soothing voices.

Yes.

And the creeping dread of this is that they are sort of slowly making their way into the house.

They're not just busting in.

They're in there.

It's like, I came here to borrow eggs.

That's a very normal reason for me to be here.

I dropped them.

I have to stay.

So I'm gonna get to the other floor.

I'm gonna show you a quick look at the six eggs.

But Ian, of course, because she's a woman.

And she's not, she's observant.

She's like, this is already bad.

Something is already going on.

Yes.

So she gives him the last four eggs.

So she's given this man 12 eggs.

That's so many eggs to give a team.

Meanwhile, um, Paul, Michael Pitt has also arrived.

So now they're both in the foyer.

Why are they touching your husband's golf clubs?

I think why are they touching your husband's golf clubs?

He takes the golf club outside to like test it out.

In the end, it's like, you got to go.

You get out of here.

George and George, you don't know this is happening.

sailboat and we hear Lucky Barking frantically and then his barking stops. And we presume

and we find out that Paul has beaten the dog to death with a golf club, but you don't

see it. We just, we just know we guess we're watching a horror movie. Absolutely.

Not seeing that scene and just knowing, like whatever I'm imagining is so much more violent

and terrible than what it probably would have looked like. I probably not, I don't know.

It's scary. It's unsettling.

So George rightfully is like something's up. So he goes back to the house with Georgie

and this leads to a confrontation with the fallen Peter and they're like, she's being

so impolite. I just don't and they're sort of like, I guess it's a gaslighting essentially

where they're sort of like you guys are like actually crazy. Even though it's like you're

dropping eggs all over my house and you killed our dog. Well, they don't know that.

We know that. Obviously. How do we know that? Because we're, well, here's the thing and

that's the context of this movie. Okay.

What I think is what we sort of get into is that this movie is very aware and wants you

to be aware as an audience member that you're watching a horror movie. So you know that

because it's been telegraphed to us. Okay. You know that that's what's happening. However,

within the story, those characters might not know everything that we know. Okay. I get

that. And and well, which I'll get to in a minute. It's basically, you know, they sort

of had the confrontation or just like get the hell out of my house. Right. He slaps

Paul across his beautiful face and Paul takes a golf club and just breaks George's leg.

Oh, my God. Shatters his leg. George hits the ground. And then it's like, oh, something

where it's like has been escalating and escalating. And now we know that this is going to happen.

Yeah. So I'm going to ask you right now in this scenario, what would you do if my husband

I assume has been had his tibia shattered? Yes. I mean, kick them out. Also, like you

know their parents, I don't understand, like obviously, like horror movies won't exist

if like everybody just played by the regular rules of society. And was like, Oh, right.

We have phones or whatever. But like, why wouldn't you be like, you boys have to go home

and like call over there or tell them? Well, I think that we've escalated to a point

where they're in the house. They're now afraid. Okay. And I also didn't add two details.

Oh, great. So basically, we think that we receive information about Peter and Paul that

were we think like, Oh, we know who the people are. It turns out we don't know who they are.

We don't know where they're from. They're they give us different back stories throughout the

movie. Okay. So they're not people who are from there or Taser. Yeah. Okay. I understand.

I mean, I guess I would try and find my phone. I'm call 911. So in the end, you're

Anne's phone has fallen in the sink. Of course it has. Paul has knocked it into the sink.

Yes. So the one phone they have, they do not have a landline. See those old houses, man.

But you can't have a landline. You can't have a landline. And um, and then George has of course

left his cell phone in the car, which you never do. No, never. It's always in your back pocket.

Who knows who could be tweeting? Like, you have to be ready. But, uh, I mean, I guess

try and hurt them. Like try and retaliate. Okay. I would have said run. You're I

were counting out. But you can't, but your husband, what am I going to leave my husband?

You're saying you wouldn't leave your husband. I guess. No, I definitely would when I,

but when pressed with one question, I'm like, actually, I would just run away.

And I guess to set this up, there are a lot of moments in the movie where you had that like,

why don't you try to hit him with a chair? Yeah. But you also are like, well,

because your child's there. Well, because there's no one around. Well, you don't have a phone.

Right. Anything that you do, and one of, exactly, able-bodied adults. And they are clearly fully

sociopaths. Yes. So, okay, so now we're back in the movie. Should have hit the fan, right? And, uh,

what you sort of realize is that the movie is asking you the viewer, why are you watching this

horrible movie? Why are you watching this violence? And why are you enjoying it? And we know that

because Michael Pitt talks to the camera more than Jim in the office. He is constantly looking at

the camera and addressing you, the audience. And it's insane. And so, basically, they're like,

one of the games they do is he has and play hotter cold. You know, you're getting warmer,

you're getting colder to find the dog's dead body. Oh my god. Which I guess technically is a game.

I don't know if that's called funny. No, not a funny and funny or really misnomer than all of the

right and everything that we're talking about. I made a note. I said, it's funny, not like,

ha ha, funny. It's funny. Like, I think this milk tastes funny. It's gone bad. Oh, yeah.

These games are funny. Yeah, funny. They're not funny. But he's sort of leading her around. And as

he does, he's looking in the camera at us and sort of like, I know that you're watching this,

right? And, uh, and ask them, why are you doing this? And they say, sort of in a stranger's

sort of type of way. Why not? Right. And that's really all of the explanation we receive.

The scariest, I think, because like, it's not based in reason. It's not like, oh, if, you know,

if only we, if we weren't rich, they wouldn't have done this. It's just like, oh, this could happen

at any time to any person. There are no rules. And I think like in another movie, you'd be like,

oh, it turns out like my father lost his job and whatever because you, right, of something,

you own a bank or whatever, there'd be some rationale. And the movie is just the raw experience

of a home invasion where there's nothing you can do. There's no reason it's happening,

except these guys essentially get off on it, you know. Um, and this is also why

home invasion movies are tough to describe, because everything is scary. But you're like,

they're just sitting in the living room staring at you. It's just tense. Yeah. So as, so

Anne's walking around with Paul looking for the dog's dead body, spoiler alert, it's in their

trunk. I'll put it there. That's so messy. Well, I mean, I get, we're never gonna get in that

car again. I mean, presumably they were during this, yeah, during this evening, they're not going

to be in the car with the, with the dog. And so Anne's outside with Paul and some people stop by

on a sailboat, Betsy and Robert and Robert's sister, whose name we don't know, they live across

the lake and they had sailed around to say hi and does not say anything to them. Why? Well,

ostensibly Paul says to her, you know, we're sort of on the same page, right? Basically, if you

say anything, I will go and I will smash up your husband and a son so fast. I understand that.

But wouldn't you, would you? I would go nuts. I just would be sobbing. I would not have. You

would be able to like be presenting a normal like, hey, neighbor, like you would be hyperventilating

and streaming tears and screening. And this movie isn't some sense. And I mean, I mean,

obviously, you know, it's a white person's take on this. This is about white people's

suppressing their emotions to their own detriment. The reality is you should be screaming and

running into that lake because this is an indictment of wasp culture. This absolutely is. Like,

this is what wealth does, you know, I mean, it starts to destroy the brain to the point of

dangerous repression. Also, Betsy, the woman on the sailboat, is the woman from River Men in Black.

Yes. Where it's the farmhand Eger who gets who the alien takes his skin. Yeah. She plays Eger's wife

who's like, it wasn't Eger. It was like somebody wearing an Eger suit. Oh, you didn't want water.

You didn't want lemonade. Phenomenal character character. Truly. Oh, her name is Chavon Fowl and

Hogan. She's great. Great. So, unfortunately, because Antidot take the initiative, now they are

all in the living room with Peter and Paul. The people on the sailboat have left now. They go,

oh, goodbye. Oh, okay. See you around the lake. No, you're wrong. Antidot say anything.

Antidot make a one for it together. And you know, at the beginning, sort of, George also doesn't

do what you want him to do. You want George to be like, get the fuck out of my house. I will fight

both of you. George, you run out and leave now. You know, you want people to make these moves,

but I think this is sort of trying to be like, in reality, you don't know how you'd react.

Yeah, everybody's going to get paralyzed by like the intense fear of people coming into your

house and killing you. Also, this is just more evidence that we should not trust teens and that

teens are, in fact, the scariest people. Yes. Like a 20-year-old in tennis white. No. With a long blonde

bang. Absolutely. Don't let them go get your eggs. Evil and carnit. So now it is time for a funny

game. Of course. And the funny game, which I don't think is funny, nor do I think it is a game,

Paul basically says, hey, we're going to, we're going to make a bet. Our bet is that you will be

dead in 12 hours at 9 a.m. And you're going to bet that you're not. That's not a game. It's

a game. It's gambling. Yeah. They also play another game called Cat in the Bag where they put a

pillowcase over Georgie, the little boy's head, my god, until he stops squirming around while his

parents just have to watch. And you keep wanting the parents to just be like, whatever happens,

throw a book at him. Yeah. Flip over his table. Exactly. And they don't do it. And now the husband

is basically injured at the point where he couldn't leave. Right. Right. His leg is broken. Yeah.

And watching it, you are like, oh, these are the people who would commit these crimes in real life.

Like two gorgeous boys who are like the little blonde men and does brothers who are from who's

wealth has made their brain stop working. Yes. You just assume it's like their board. Yes.

And they give kind of contradictory, like they're like, oh, you know, you know, it's hard to

feel anything. And then he's like lying. He's like, but also we're white trash. And we don't

have any like, it's like, you don't really know where they're coming from and what they are. Also,

like, I would almost rather my husband be dead at this point because like now, I mean, not really,

but also like having an injured person who can't run away with you is like, now you're either

like choosing between yourself and him. Exactly. You're like, well, I can't run away, but also

right. Why am I waiting around like, you know, you know, if you were now harnessed there in a way,

we're like, hypothetically, they get all dead. You could go. Oh, yeah, that's true. You know, like,

if he had you grabbed the kid and you run out of the house. Exactly. But like, he's there. And

it's like, bye honey. Well, uh, then things take a worse turn where they ask and to take off

her clothes. No. And Paul says at a certain point, the boys in the bag. So there's a pillowcase

over the boat sunset. Right. The boys in the bag. So now, let's see if mommy's titty sag,

which has a viewer. I'm like, oh, no. Oh, God. I hate this. Well, there's a lot of rhyming.

This movie actually that really takes me out of it. I guess it like provokes like, oh, uh, you

know, like nursery rhymes. I think like a game again. None of these things are per se games. No,

it doesn't sound like it. And also, uh, Anne and George and Georgie, they're not really playing.

No, they're staying alive. Yeah. So she is forced to take her clothes off. So she's wearing a

brawn underwear. She looks fantastic. And they keep saying she's got no jelly rolls. Which again,

it's a disgusting. How dare you use the phrase jelly rolls? Um, I want a donut. And Georgie,

the girl, like you're taking was just like, God, I just want a donut. I want to eat a donut.

So because things are terrifying, Georgie, little boy, pees is pants. Of course. Very well. They

all would do that. They've also been there for hours. Everyone would have key their pants already.

Yeah, that's the thing about these like tent, like long, like long home invasion or like even just

like hostage movies or whatever. I'm like, explain to us when everyone's going to the bathroom.

Are we all just peeing? If I was scared, I'd have to pee every 20 minutes. Absolutely.

So I'd be one like, I'm really sorry. I just, you can escort me over there, but like, please

let me use the bathroom. Right. Exactly. Peter goes to take Georgie to the bathroom. And as he's

walking past George, George finally is like, well, fuck it. He loanches at him from, you know,

from the couch. Finally. And then finally, Ann and George are fighting Peter and Paul, like

physically fighting them. And Georgie is able to escape out of window. Okay. So now Georgie is out.

It's the middle of the night. Georgie. Georgie is the sun. Okay. So Ann and George are still in the

house. Georgie escapes. Now it's just like a lone child in the dark. So we've ride at a very

important part of every ruined episode.

Allison, who's going to survive this movie? It explained to be why. Okay. I want to believe that

Georgie's going to survive one because of the information you just told me and two because like,

I don't, I don't know if we need like a child's murder, but also what are the rules here?

Right. Um, I think Ann and George probably one of them does.

I'm going to guess Ann survives. Okay. Um, because she seems smart enough to have like picked up

on this is a bad situation. Right. Though not smart enough to have told the neighbors,

hey, there's people trying to kill us in our house. And just so basically, so we see or do that.

And then we realize, oh, Ann and Fred, the first couple we saw with them, they must have,

they must have already been in that scenario. Oh, yeah. So because it's not till later on

that we're like, oh, they don't know that, like, you know, like, I also was depressing their

intense fear. Yes. So and if, and even Fred has screamed, they've got us, or like, there's

something that's horrible happening. Well, but then at least, um, their neighbor would have,

they would have, Ann and George and Georgie would have been able to like, kill away or call the cops.

I assume both of them are dead. Even Fred. Yeah. Well, yeah. You know, you don't like implied.

You never see them again, but they are dead. For all we know, they're not alive.

Very scared right now, just putting together the pattern that you've just established.

And then finally, what about the boat people, Betsy Robert and Robert's sister, who same they

did not say? Do they refuse just to why they don't say her name. I assume the Robert dies.

Okay. The hay neighbor guy sailing. And maybe the other two survive. Okay, great. That's my,

those are my predictions based on literally all that you have told me. And so when

now we're going to do guess the twist. Now, this is a movie that does not have a traditional twist.

Yes. Um, so there's no way you're going to guess what's going to happen because something happens.

Um, but I will say let's, I'm going to try to make you guess it anyways. Okay. You know how Michael

Pitt keeps talking to the camera. Yes. Addressing us the audience. Yes. What's a twist that could

maybe, uh, play on the meta aspect of this movie? I mean, knowing that whatever you're saying

is going to be wrong. There's no way for you to know. Of course, there's truly no way for me to

know anything about what happens. I mean, I guess like, finding out that this is found footage

of some kind. Okay, great. Maybe, uh, something. That's a great guess. I guess you are wrong.

Here's course. Okay. So Georgie poor, Georgie, which again, every time, and I realize like, um,

we're doing a spade of episodes today and all of them involve a child being in danger,

which I don't, I mean, like, I think if I was younger, I didn't have to bother, but in my old age,

I'm like, oh god, the therapy this poor kid's going to need. This is going to haunt him. He's

going through so much. Yeah. But I mean, I think this is also in this movie. They are playing

it super realistically. So you are much more sympathetic. Yeah. Then if you thought, like, oh,

this is a home alone, you know, so he runs next door, which is even Fred's house. We don't see

even Fred, however, Georgie does find Jenny, their daughter dead dead. And um, he finds a shotgun.

And Paul follows him over there and it's sort of hunting cat and mouse through the house.

And finally, he finds Georgie and Georgie has a shotgun and he's like, well, go ahead, shoot me.

And Georgie attempts to shoot him, but it's not loaded. Yeah. So Paul takes them back.

Responsible gun. Well, it might have been loaded earlier, but unfortunately, this whole family did.

So they go back and Peter is there while he's just watching TV while Ann is beaten up, tied up

in her underwear. Oh my god. Which again, I think is pointing to sort of like, but now,

if that's no, um, which, uh, none of the violence is depicted on screen. You know,

it's happening. You hear it, but you don't see her. See it. Um, which I was scary. Yeah.

All ties into like sort of asking you to reflect on, you know, what you're seeing. Yeah.

So we go back and, um, Paul doesn't any, any mighty mo of who's going to die first.

And then Paul goes and gets a sandwich or something. And while he's in the kitchen,

we hear screaming. We hear gunshots. We go back. And we think it first that Ann is the only

survivor that both Georgie and George have died. And we watch her this long scene, like static shot,

like a wide shot of like her painfully getting up and trying to like get out of her, um, ties.

And we realize that George is still alive. Georgie, the son has died. Oh, I was so wrong.

Not only that the first one did the first one dead in this whole scenario. And then I think,

again, that's they're trying to subvert your expectations. So it's like, wow, not only did they kill a

kid, the kid is the only death that of this family that we have seen. Yeah. So it's like, well,

so then what else, you know, and in a lesser movie or in a different movie that I still would have

really enjoyed. Um, and this would have been like Ann's call it like, I have to become a badass

bitch. And I have to like fight these guys. Right. And I have to get my husband out of here. And I

have to get my revenge. Yes. Would have loved that. Instead, she and George spend 15 minutes trying

to dry out her cell phone to make a call because her self-remembered got put in the sink. Right.

And it makes you be like, if only they had a bag of rice. Oh, I mean, they had all those eggs.

Does that work with iPhones or is that just older phones? No, I think that's an iPhone thing. Maybe,

I think it's all I remember like, I think now they're starting to be like a little waterproof. But

I feel like when I had a flip phone, it was very much putting in a thing of rice by razor. Oh,

God. And they that's they have a slip phones because 2007. So they're they're trying to dry at the

phone. And then of course, the batteries dead. They don't know what the court is. All of these

very realistic like, yep, that was exactly what happened because you're not planning for this to

happen. So finally, Ann is like, I got to make a run for it. You can't get out of here. We can't

make a phone call. I'm going. I have to go. She gets dressed. And then she crawls out a window.

And where are the 20 year olds right now? We don't know. They've left. Oh, but obviously they're

around. They're like, they would have never you're never safe. When you tell a family, you're all

going to be dead by nine AM. You're at the lawn or you're waiting for them to try and escape so

you can kill them. So there's no idea like you know watching. They're there. They're they're waiting

for them to try and watch something like that. Not that you know. They're not like in the room.

Yeah. So they've left and she makes a run for it. But because this is such a well, it's like

get out the beginning of get out where it's like this really like beautiful houses, but there's nobody

on the street and there's nothing and no stores. So she's just running around and she misses a

car going by and because she was afraid was them. And she's like, oh, no, like I miss my one chance.

And then she sees another car. And he's like, well, now I have to try to stop it. Spoiler alert.

It's Peter and Paul together. And they burn her back. So finally, we're in the living room and we're

going to play one final game. The game is called the loving wife or whether by knife or whether

by gun losing your life can sometimes be fun too long too long too long. I mean, not fun. They

need a copy editor to really clean that up. And so Peter turns the audience. What I'm assuming

at this point is like, okay, we need something to happen. Yeah. Peter says, I mean, you want a

real ending, right? With plausible plot development. Don't you? And I'm certain they're thinking,

yeah, that'd be great. Yeah. I know you're not going to give me that right now. You're already

hinted because you're not that because you're a dick. Yeah. You would have dicked this whole movie.

So they make and pick will George be stabbed to death, which will be a very long painful death

obviously or will he be shot with a shotgun? And but she doesn't want to obviously doesn't want to

choose either. It's like you're going to kill him either way. And so they she's tied up with her

hands and they pull the rope she hands are tied and then she's praying and they make her recite a prayer.

The prayer is I love you God with all my might. Please keep me safe all through the night. Man,

didn't think about it. And then she has to save backwards. And then they're like, so if you

save backwards, you get to choose who dies first and then you got to pick whatever. And then she

grabs a shotgun and she shoots Peter in the chest. Wow. And you see it and he flies backward

into the wall. And then it's just like mayhem. And Paul scrambling around, he grabs the gun,

he hits her with it. And he's sort of laughing because he's again, they're both so

packed. Yeah, exactly. And then he grabs her remote control. It's a fucking remote control.

And it's not a twist, but the thing that you'd be surprised to see is he rewinds the actual move.

So he rewinds it. Yeah. So he rewinds it to before she exactly before she grabs the gun.

And I obviously the combat is like, oh, you thought you were going to get a satisfying ending

like some kind of revenge. You will get nothing. You will get nothing. That didn't happen.

So they rewind it. She goes to lunch for the gun again. He grabs it out of her hand.

I mean, of course. And so this woman can't win. So and then they, you know that they,

I don't believe you see it, but they killed George. So George is dead. And then the early morning,

it's like 8 a.m. So she, which means Anne's been up all night. They take

Anne to the sailboat. She's all tied up. They dump her out into the water. Oh my god.

Or you know, she's going to drown. Of course, terribly. The worst. She's already been beat up.

And then now she's like bound and yeah, and you know Peter and Paul, which are obviously not

real names because at a certain point, they're calling each other Tom and Jerry. Oh god.

And there's like no identities to them. Exactly. Which is they're just generic. You know

that they were born rich because they know how to use a sailboat. Okay. Yes. That's not

something that anyone knows. They're like, God, the Miz and ass. Very complicated.

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They go to Betsy and Robert's house. Those were the boat people. So they live across the lake. They

sail over and he was standing there. So they would have met him. Right. And Paul goes up to the

door and says, Hey, you know, I'm over there hanging out with Anna and George. Do you have four

eggs I could borrow? The obsession with four eggs is I guess because it's so banal. I guess you,

you know, four, it's a lot of eggs. Exactly. I only buy six at a time. It would be two thirds of my eggs.

And then you we know what does she have eggs? Then what do you do? I mean, that's that's a twist.

So we're going to play a little game of welcome to my home invasion or fatal mistakes,

funny games edition. So basically, we have two things you want to talk about. One, what were the

fatal mistakes of the fan of Anna and George? This is not victim blaming. No, because they're not

real. They're a movie. But what should they have done? And then if we were in that scenario,

what could we have used around the house? You know, anyway, and because in honor of this movie,

I made, I had some observations that I'm going to read that rhyme. Oh, good. Well, that's good.

Yeah. You want to read those? Yes. Okay. If you see someone wearing white gloves outside during

the day, that isn't a mime run. And my rhyming, the waiter, remember, this is if the gloves fit,

your leg, they will hit. Oh, I've got a lot of these. Oh, and also like clippy enough to be like,

exactly. Please remember this when your home is beat. If you see someone wearing white gloves,

they're not white outfit. If you meet any young man who has a mouth, like a most beautiful

cupid's bow mouth and long leader of the Caprio in 1987 bangs, any as a gentle voice,

you and your family are going to die. Yes. So if your, if a man has DSLs, your life is about to be

held. And then of course, these dick sucking lips for those who don't know. I don't know if that's

still a thing that people even say, I don't know. I think it is. We're saying it. And I would say

the last one is that don't, don't be rich. If they had not been rich, I don't think we'd have this

problem. There are two people nearby. And the way to remember that is, if your kitchen looks like

Nancy Myers, your teeth will be pulled out by pliers. Oh my god. Wait, that doesn't happen to this

movie. Just like, yes, general horror. Yeah, I think it's a forced rhyme. Yes. Honestly,

it rhymes better than some of the things that you said from the movie. So I feel. Thank you.

Oh, and then also I always have rice to put your cell phone in. Yeah. Always have rice or you will

die twice because of the remote. Yes. That makes sense. Thank you. And I was trying to think of

like what were the funniest parts of funny games. Allison is a wonderful comedian and a comedy writer.

And I kind of wanted to maybe get some punch up or some thoughts on, yeah, some of the jokes

from funny games. Clearly we already noted a couple places. They could have cleaned it up a little

bit. Exactly. And you know, I was laughing the whole time, but like, I don't know if that means

just like that kid got murdered now. Well, I was hilarious. I was, I get it. I mean, comedy is

tragedy plus time. And for me, that's like a half a second. Yeah. I don't need a ton of time.

So here's a joke. Paul has a takes a golf ball out of his pocket. Okay. And he said, uh, what's this?

And, uh, and it, and in, uh, George, like, I don't, I don't know. He goes, um, it's a golf ball.

He said, do you know why it's in my pocket? The lady knows as if he's in a,

yeah, what does he do at crowd work? She's also, she's like, I don't know because this is not a

thing that I've ever encountered before. And, um, Peter says, well, because you didn't hit it,

it's in your pocket. And Paul said, well, why didn't I hit the golf ball? And Peter says,

because something stopped you. And he said, correct. Paul says, correct, because I had to test the

club in another way. And that's how we know he killed the dog with the golf club. Right.

That's the joke. It's too long. There's no real punch to it. Exactly. There's not a lot of

context that maybe their audience didn't have. I, I don't, which is knowing that they killed the

dog. Exactly. Even I know they killed the dog was like, I don't know whether this is a joke or

not a great joke. They're not great joke writers, but you know what? Beautiful people rarely are.

Right. Exactly. They've never had to. They don't need to be funny. They're hot. That being said,

would kill in an alt room. Oh, 100%. Yeah. Um, and then I'm going to take us to

let's play a funny game. Okay. Nelson, these are, would you rather? All right. Would you rather have

to clean up 12 broken eggs or wear all white gloves? Do I have to wear the white gloves while I'm

cleaning? Absolutely. I think I'd rather clean up the eggs. Okay. With your bare hands. I mean,

I'll wash them before I eat anything. I mean, I think. Yeah. Where are the eggs? Are they on

like a tile floor? They're on a carpet. If it makes a difference, yeah, they're in a carpet.

They're in a thick plush. Like a shag carpet. Where they're all taken up in there. Now I'm just

going to wear white gloves. All right. But you have to wear them while you're committing a

home invasion. I want to go to somebody's house. We all look so much work. So we're going eggs.

I guess I'm going eggs. Okay. I don't think I could be violent. I think we pushed you far enough.

This is true. I definitely could. I could get there. I know we could really know that. Um,

would you rather be invited to a really great party? But Michael pit is there and he's just in your

peripheral vision, just staring at you smiling. Oh my god. Or would you rather stay home? I'd rather

stay home. Great. That's the same. And then would you rather go sailing or be the victim of a home

invasion? Oh, go sailing. But I'm a set. I'm a sailing person. I'm from an apple. Oh, well. Okay.

I don't know whether the idea of being at a boat is disgusting. Really? You don't like boats. No.

Is it a fear thing or just to just come first? Alligators. Big fish. I don't know the name of

everything in the ocean is scary. I will give you that drowning drought. Well, yeah.

Getting too hot, sunburned, dropping my sandwich in the water, throwing up everything. All

of the things. I will take boat. One time I went on a three hour tour of like a historical boat

with my aunt and uncle and like our family as a kid walking around a large boat. Yeah, like it

was supposed to be like a pirate ship, but it wasn't actual sailboat and there was no winds. We got

stuck out there. I never got sunburned. So maybe that's where this is from. That's a real tragedy.

And then finally, could you think of because I was trying to think of like these games are not funny.

No. What would be a good alternative title for this movie? I don't know what you say on that

because here's mine. Okay. White people nonsense. The horror movie. That is a very good.

That's a very good title. I mean, if we want to stick with games, I think

psycho games. Psycho games. Psycho games. Very not funny games.

But I do like white nonsense. White nonsense. Terrifying white nonsense. Terrifying white nonsense.

And then like we as we end every ruined episode with, we're gonna rate this movie on the spooky

scale. Now this scale has nothing to do with the actual quality of the film. No.

We're not saying this is a good film or bad film. I think it's a wonderful film. We're saying

was it actually scary? Right. But would I rate it? What would well, I'll rate it based on

my knowing about what happened. Alison again has not seen this movie. She has seen no

of the movies. We'll never see this movie. I watched the trailer and wanted to hear Halley tell

it to me. I still got scared at one point. Which part? When you told me that like when I put together,

when you put together, like, oh yeah, they didn't know them either. And it's like they're just

doing this. I genuinely did get goosebumps. And we'll probably know, keep going until

there's no stopping. And also there is no stopping them if they keep like making their way through

and everybody dies. I mean, I would give this like solidly like a, what are we on a scale of 10?

Like a seven? Seven spookies? Yes. I'm gonna give it a six spookies. Okay. There's thing I was not

in the moment scared. But I think it was a very interesting thought experiment of sort of

looking at the audience. I just, I do think it undermines the spookiness of a movie. Yes.

To be like, wink, we're in a movie. But also, you know, hey, they, it was big swing. Yeah. People

love this movie. I mean, it sounds great. Yes. Like if you, if what you like is scary movies,

I think that that would be something that's, it's fun and like a little like, you know,

heady and interesting. Yeah. And I would say any movie where a child is endangered is

probably automatically going to get a three for me because I find that so terrifying. Yeah,

I don't think we need that, you know. So I'm getting it six spookies. Six. I'm going to say seven

because I, I find like, tense, like before everything, like him asking for the eggs would probably

have like horrified me. Yes. That's first 20 minutes is the most terrifying unease and like that

like is scarier than violence. And it sounds like most of this movie is just being uneasy

and tense and uncomfortable. And to me, that's like the ultimate terror. So yeah. Absolutely.

Well, well, guys, thank you so much for joining us for another incredible episode of ruined.

Thank you for letting us ruin funding game for you. We love ruining things. This is great. Now I

don't have to read about it. Right. Exactly. Now skip the Wikipedia article. Come straight to us.

Come straight to us. We always will have your back. All right. Thanks for late. Listen, guys.

And I want to say it. Keep it stupid. Oh god. She hates that. We'll come up with something better.

Bye, guys. Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at ruined podcast or join us at patreon.com slash

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