Full Show PT 2: Monday, March 30 [Vault]

0:00Tyler Reddick here from 2311 Racing. Victory Lane? Yeah, it's even better with Chamba by my side. Race to chumpacaceno.com. Let's Chamba. Don't purchase necessary, VTW Group. Boy, we're prohibited by law. CTNCs, 21 Plus, sponsored by Chamba Casino. Hi, this is Alex Cantrowitz. I'm the host of Big Technology Podcast, a longtime reporter and an on-air contributor to CNBC. And if you're like me, you're trying to figure out how artificial intelligence is changing the business world and our lives. So each week on Big Technology, I bring on key actors from companies building AI tech and outsiders trying to influence it. Asking where this is all going. They come from places like Nvidia, Microsoft, Amazon, and plenty more. So if you want to be smart with your wallet, your career choices, and meetings with your colleagues and at dinner parties, listen to Big Technology Podcast or ever you get your podcasts. The Bird Show. Previously on The Bird Show. The management has been for four years. I have a stepdaughter. My husband and I, we get along really well. He's a really good guy, but I've never felt in love with him.

1:03I just, I loved him. And so I feel half-satisfied all the time. And I have that this man was a bunch of together. And it's just like sparkling. Nothing has happened between us yet. And my husband is going out of town this weekend. This man and I have been planning to go to dinner tonight. It is implied that at the date, we're both thinking dinner and possibilities and that's been said more or less. I feel more in love than I've ever felt. I feel like this is what it's supposed to be. I guess I almost want you to tell me, don't do it. So that was Friday on the show. And a bunch of you guys called up saying, just don't do it. Yeah, there was a lot of really passionate people. One woman called up and said that she had been affected for the rest of her life because of her parents' affairs. But most were calling up saying, look, this is not going to be a one-time thing here. Some were calling saying they got away with it, but they think about it every day for their entire life. So we told her, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. The truth is that her husband was out of town. She sort of had a free pass. So did she go through it with it or not?

2:04We even said on Friday, like, if you do it, you can't really say it was a mistake. Well, she's been building a relationship with the sky at work. So it's not like it was just her husband's out of town and she was going to hook up. It was this guy that she was already flirting with and having suggestive text with and conversations with. So she was already kind of building this relationship up with the sky at work and they were just going to finish it off this weekend while the husband was out of town. So it was a series of bad decisions, which I couldn't look back at and go, I just made a mistake. So Joanne is back and she is on The Voice Disguiser. Joanne, when we get off the phone with you on Friday, did anybody say anything to you that really sort of jolted your system? Yeah, the woman who was talking about how she was affected by her parents cheating or her mother, I can't remember which one she did, but that it changed her life and she felt she has trust that she is not that really, really got me. Because you're starting to think, look, if I do this, I might scar my stepdaughter forever?

3:04Yeah, I did. Because you're stepdaughter, you said it's like a daughter to you? She is, I mean, she's with me and my husband most of the time. So she's a huge part of my life. Well, take us through the day then. We get off the phone with you and it's early and then I'm sure either you were started to text him or he started texting you, telling you how excited he was about Friday night or you were texting him. So take us through the whole day. Okay, so we actually spoke on the phone to talk about the time we were gonna meet up and everything and I sort of didn't explain how nervous I was. I know the message I got from all the people on your station and everything, but sort of felt like it was something that I just had to do and I know that everybody thinks that's wrong. We made a time that we were gonna meet up. I got ready to go out obviously and we met up for dinner. All right, so hold on one sec, so hold on, hold on, hold on. So you call him and he calls you

4:06and you say you're excited about Friday night and never wants to you say to him, look, maybe this isn't something that we should do. Maybe we should just think about this? No, I thought it in my head a million times but it didn't come out as I know. Okay. All right, so you go ahead and you set the Friday night dinner up, okay? So I was very nervous, I decided in my head I said, you know, I knew that we would probably have drinks and I said, you know, a glass of wine tops from me, I didn't want to be clouded by having had too much to drink or I didn't want to be able to blame anything on anyone but myself. So we ended up meeting for dinner and I had a glass of wine and we had a great time but that was really, that was it. I think somewhere in me I knew I needed to see him and sort of maybe close it off in my mind, see him one time like that and that was really it. So did you close it off? Like is it done?

5:07I think so, I hope so. I mean, we had an amazing time. Look, I love this man, if my life were different then it would be the beginning of something but it can't be and I know that and... How did the night end? Like what the last five minutes of the evening? Because you know, he was thinking that as soon as dinner's over and I got a little wine and her that this thing's gonna progress in the way it sure looks like it's going to. Right, I don't think that he thought that exactly because... Yes he did. Well, we discussed it, we discussed it dinner, once we were at dinner, we had a lot of great other conversations but I told him how I was feeling and I thought I was gonna throw up all over the table. Like which one of the things that you were talking about at dinner while he was thinking of your boobs? Hahaha. I don't know how to answer that. How did you say it to him that this wasn't gonna happen tonight? I said, you know, look, I'm amazed by you, you form me but this is too complicated and I'm...

6:07I said, I know I'm gonna hurt you, I'm gonna hurt everybody involved in this because there's no clean way to do it and I just feel like I gotta figure out my stuff out and I hope that you're here when I get back or I hope I figured out the other way but I feel like I'm just dragging you along. Good for you. I mean, I think this has got to be praised. I mean, you went but you didn't... I mean, go all the way, you didn't pull the trigger on it so Melissa's looking at me like there's no praise. Well, my concern is the more time you spend with him and the more conversations you have with him, you are going to go in that path. You for sure are. If you don't cut it off 100%, you're for sure gonna go down that one. She, I mean, you're the, well, I hope this is the end. I hope, well, you know what, it's up to you and you don't sound definitive. So... You won't be able to be strong like this forever. Did you cancel at the end of the night? Yeah, he drove me home and at the door, he gave me like a soft quick pack on the list

7:09and it felt more like a closure than anything else because it's almost like a threat. It wasn't, oh, you know, it wasn't passionate or anything like that. We understand that because Lindel just left for Australia and we gave her all a quick soft pack on the lips. It was a little longer than the rest of ours, but yeah, it's a sense of closure. Well, there was also her hands trying to push you off the arm. I just would not let her go. But it felt like closure, right? I know, she walked out the door and just like, I guess no really does mean no, huh? Yeah, that's closure. She was calling on one at the time, but you didn't pay attention to that. I mean, everybody is calling up to rip on her here, but the truth of the matter is the end of the date happened and she didn't sleep with this guy. At least a little bit of that. But they still wear eyes. They still wear eyes. They go on the day. If I was, if I'm your husband, I'm the, I'm listening, if I was your husband listening into this entire conversation like that. Yes, he's gonna be hurt. For sure he'd be hurt. She has not ended this. Hey, Latoya, go ahead, you're on Q100. Good morning. She's ridiculous.

8:10She's gonna continue to see this man. Friday, I kind of have something for him, but I don't know. Well, she definitely got to cut this thing off. It just sound a little middle of the road, but if you continue to text, I mean, you got to break up with this guy like today. See, what you're doing is you're trying to create an environment in which everything's happening to you. So you hope this is over. It's almost as if something happens then well, I just couldn't help myself. I just couldn't help myself as to me the most irritating sentence ever spoken because you knew exactly what you were doing. Take responsibility for what you've done and then end it or don't end it. End it with your husband or end it with this dude, but you can't have both. Yeah, if you keep putting yourself in this situation, you know where it's gonna end up. You already know that before it happens. You can only say no so many times, but the more you hang out with this guy, the more intoxicated you're gonna be with him and it's gonna happen. I mean, didn't you say I hope that after this is all said and done that he'll be back? They he'll still be there. He'll still be there. He'll still be there for you. I think it was that I don't know which way it's gonna go. And that's just the truth. I don't know if I'm gonna be able to work it out

9:12with my husband. I want to and I plan to, but I don't know that that will be the end in my hope that if it doesn't work out, that somehow I will find this man from work is that we'll be able to work it out. I think the question is that I know that he can't promise me that and I know that I can't ask that of him. And I feel like everyone is so tunnel visioned and sort of like I understand that the whole situation sucks and then I did something wrong and I totally take responsibility for that. But the very complicated situation is not easy and I feel like I've made a pretty good decision in the end. I think the question you need to ask yourself is your relationship with your husband already over? Yeah, and I'm saying I don't know the answer to that. I hope not and I plan to talk to him. I hope to go to a marriage counseling if you will and hope to figure it out to find a spark back in it and that would be the goal and then if that's of course almost the end.

10:14I don't know, we have years behind us. I can't answer that question in one second. But here's the thing is if you are honest in your appraisal that it may not be over with your husband yet, then you're not given it a fair chance if you're still seeing this guy on the side. You can't fully resolve things with your husband if you always know that you had this backup plan, the text or a phone call away. I don't plan to be seeing this guy on the side. I have to see him at work and there's nothing I can do about that. But I don't plan to continue having fighting and I don't plan to text him anymore. All I was saying is that I, you know, if things don't work out, that my secret dream is that stars would work out that we'd fight our way back to each other. But, and that's just the truth. I'm just trying to find out my secret dream. That my secret dream is that the stars would align and we, I mean, it's kind of like what Jim was saying. It sounds like you have given up on your marriage. It's inevitable. I think you're trying to do the right thing because you know what the right thing to do is, but your heart wants to be with somebody else.

11:14Wait, imagine your husband hearing you say that. No, it was true, mate, but my heart doesn't be with someone else right now. But like you were saying, the other day that it has a lot to do with what's going on who's in my relationship right now. And so I don't know if I were to go in and if we were to dig into that together, and I thought for our sake, for like that daughter's sake, that maybe that would change right now. That's how I feel when this is to do. I'd be willing to bet in a couple of months if we check back with you. You're going to be in the same situation. But you can't have both. I mean, the thing is in the end, you cannot have both. But at least for the weekend, I mean, it sounds like it was abandoned, but at least for the weekend, she didn't do anything. Yeah, I'm glad you didn't do anything. So do you say congratulations for that? I mean, I think that's to know. She didn't sleep with the guy this weekend, but I think if you continue to put yourself in this situation, that's only a matter of time. Yeah, you didn't sleep with him, but... And I committed you to that. If you're cheating on him. If you're cheating on him. Because I mean, you went on the date

12:15and I mean, the stars aligned and you went and had one, I had a great time. I mean, you're putting yourself continuously in this situation that's tempting you. We got to run, Joanne. But I appreciate you sharing your story with us. Thanks a lot. Thanks. Good luck. The Bird Show. Hi, this is Alex Cantrowitz.

13:19I'm the host of Big Technology podcast, a longtime reporter and an on-air contributor to CNBC. And if you're like me, you're trying to figure out how artificial intelligence is changing the business world and our lives. So each week on Big Technology, I bring on key actors from companies building AI tech and outsiders trying to influence it. Asking where this is all going, they come from places like Nvidia, Microsoft, Amazon, and plenty more. So if you want to be smart with your wallet, your career choices, and meetings with your colleagues and at dinner parties, listen to Big Technology podcast or ever you get your podcasts. Here's the deal. It's North Carolina and I want to make this statement about local dominoes also. Do not punish the local dominoes here because I can tell you right now, and I'm over on Sunday and I'm going to dominoes.com and I don't care. Any dominoes? Any dominoes? Now I have done the thing on dominoes, you know, where you watch them make your pizza and I never saw it come up where it says, he's used this farting on your pizza right now. Insert booger here. Yeah, which is what's been going on?

14:20That never came up on that. So is that what Canadian bacon really is? Right. I hope not. And I'm wondering if this is an isolated incident. Totally is. Or not just dominoes, but if there are those that work in the fast food community that would confess to us that this might happen to you guys a little bit more than you think. Look, it's not going to kill you, but there's some stuff on your tacos, your burgers or your pizza that if I, as a worker, not happy that day or someone in the drive-through, ticks me off. I take it out on the next dude's order. I pluck and drop. You just need to do exactly that. Or a fact. I've ever lived near or on a college campus. If you eat, take away food, you have eaten someone else's pubis. Oh, dude. Oh, come on. Well, I see it now. That's correct. Nobody in this room has more fast food experience than I do. I worked at Taco Bell proudly for four years. And I wear it like a badge of honor. And I never, I seriously never saw that in the four years, not from anybody.

15:21See, I never worked in the past four years. Well, now, aren't there surveillance cameras everywhere and all that kind of stuff? Yeah, but these are not going to happen. If it were, it's now. Yeah. But these are trying to do something like that. We're doing it and they were video. It wasn't a surveillance camera. It's a woman holding like a camcorder. The video is up on our website right now. Yeah, and she puts it up on YouTube. These two clowns put it on YouTube. It's their last day at Domino's. They're in North Carolina. There's a series of four videos, some of them are kind of graphic. Like one dude pulls his pants down and puts like a dish towel up his butt. Wipes his butt with it and then starts washing some of the dishes at this particular Domino's in North Carolina. It didn't happen here. Cassie. It's gnarly. Oh. So one woman, she looks like she's about 20 years old. She's holding the camera and her male co-worker is, she's just describing what's going on in these videos. Do you all see that? He just put a burger on those suits. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. You remember the time when you sneezed? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

16:23Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Do it again, do it again. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, and I'll just say what you guys do. Ew. Now Michael, I think that these sandwiches are gonna be full of protein. Ha, ha, ha, ha. So it's worse. Not what you're mayo. We all have our secret ingredients. I hate to start it on the slow-mo, it goes on these sandwiches. And in about five minutes, we'll be sitting our own delivery where somebody will be eating these. He has eaten them a little bit. They know that cheese was in his nose. And after a little gas, they ended up on their stormy. Now, that's how we roll it, Dominoes. Yeah, let me explain that for a second. He starts putting like small pieces of cheese up his nose. And then putting them back on the pizza or back on the sandwiches also. Hey, Steven, good morning, you're on Q&A. What do you do? In school, I worked at a restaurant. It was Chick-fil-A. My friend actually got fired because he stirred the soup with his tallywacker.

17:25No way. No way. No way. No way. How did they catch the guy? Yeah, well, that's the problem. He's sitting out and the person actually ate it. And we were being immature. I mean, we were watching it. I mean, it was gross. But anyway, he got called into the manager's office the next day. And that just so happened to be one of the days that they were reviewing tapes and they saw it. Oh. But isn't that something to brag about? I can stir the soup with my penis. Yeah, it was nasty. If you mess with Chick-fil-A, not only do you get fired, but you go to hell. Right. Yeah. They're closed on Sundays. I mean, they're a God-fearing company. He's going to burn for the rest of his day. I mean, as soon as he sat down in front of management and they turned the TV on, he must have known. Even before they showed him what they saw, exactly what was going on. Can you imagine being the security guy who has to review tapes and it's normally so boring? He's like, board, board, board, what? Is that rewind?

18:28And then he calls his friends. Come over here. I gotta shut it. There are no shortage of these calls. Oh, I never even know. And if you're going to fast food, these are going to freak you out, y'all. Some fast food is so good that I will risk it. Not after this call. Hey, Jake, good morning. You're on Q100. I worked at Waffle House. And I used to have an open spot that leaked a lot of pus. And I rubbed it all over somebody's waffle because they were being jerked. And they said, they're an A-dit. You guys got to remember something. My wife will do this from time to time. Oh, my God. Rubber, sore on a waffle? No. She will complain before we get our food. That's the reason right there. You wait until you are signing the check until you say anything. If what you're saying is going to be interpreted in any way, shape, or form, as rude, you shut up. I used to have a friend who would complain at every meal. He found something wrong with the service, the silverware, the tablecloth. He would complain to the server. I would say 90% of the time that I ever went out to do it. Why would you go out with him? Well, that's what we thought.

19:29Every time there had to be something in his food. That's a deal breaker. Yeah. He ate a lot of pubis. Adrian, good morning. You're on Q100. I worked for a popular pizza chain. And probably the worst thing we ever did, other than body fluid or hair going on the pizza was that all the meat is pre-cooked. But you can pop a handful in your mouth, chew it up. They're right back out on the pizza. Shut up. Or a handful of cheese. So my advice to everybody is, and it always has been when you call to order food or when you go to a restaurant, be nice. Be very nice. And they won't even think twice about messing with your food. Be rude at the end, or if you're never going back ever again. My God. Look, hello. Hey, how are you? Hi. Well, I have one more. A guy I had worked with at a hotel in Tampa is actually doing time in Florida prison because he had peed in the coffee. Security tape caught it. I had warned the general manager that he was doing this. And they thought I was crazy when I told him.

20:29They installed a security camera in the breakfast pantry area, called him red handed. Hillsborough County arrested him. It is a second degree felony. It is basically, you could have killed somebody by putting fluid of your own body inside the coffee. I had to testify in court in Tampa, and he got, I could do about 20 years in Florida for doing this because it is a second degree felony. It's almost the same as attempted murder in the eyes of the DA down there. And now he's in jail for 20 years. Yeah. Oh, God. Oh, nasty. Hey, Cory, good morning. You're on cue 100. I used to work at a waffle house. And one of my cooks got so mad because I kept coming back trying to fix an order. And he had previously burned his hand about two nights ago. And so he had blisters all over his hand. Oh, no, no. It was so gross. And he was supposed to be wearing a glove, but he got really mad at his customer. He kept going to my customer and asking, you know, what's wrong with it? What's wrong with it? And it became a big thing. So he finally ended up cooking his meal, right? But he definitely took off his gloves and just put his fluid all in his food

21:33and then watched him eat it. And I wanted to say something so bad, because it was my customer. But at the same time, it's your tip at the end of the day. So blister fluid in the food. This is gross. So this is the end of the domino stuff here. And again, there are four different videos. And I mean, it's boogers. It's like I said, it's the guy's wiping his butt and washing the dishes. And here she is, she's holding the video camera. We get the booger sticks out, sprinkle them with a sprinkle sauce. We'll never know if there's snot on it. Our picture is unaware of what we are doing at the moment. We'll use that in the back. We're waiting to do his paper, I can't wait. Well, we're up here pounding around, putting snot in his food. Now it's ready to be shipped to some unlucky customer. I think the safest bet is for you just to relay that. We could have done this for in the next half an hour. The shocking, the last shocking call would have been a guy's full releasing on a pizza. What? Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

22:35I'm not even going to take it. No, oh, no, no, no. No. You know what, if Anna Murphy came in right now, I would feel clean. All right. Like I want a roach over that. I want a roach pooping on my croutons. Yeah, I know kidding. Seriously, molding the ice chest, definitely. Bring it on. I'll take that. I will climb in there and drink my soda from the bottom of the ice machine. The birch show. Tyler Reddick here from 2311 Racing, another checkered flag for the books. Time to celebrate with Jamba. Jump in at JambaCasino.com. Let's Jamba. No purchase necessary. BTW Group, voidware prohibited by law. CCNC, 21 plus sponsored by JambaCasino. Hey, I'm Josh Speagle, host of the podcast, Lunatic in the newsroom. If you enjoy journalism that drifts into mild panic, wild overthinking, and a guaranteed nervous breakdown, Lunatic in the newsroom is for you. It's news like you've never heard before. The only newsroom with a panic button.

23:35You'll laugh, you'll cry, and gasp and horror as the show spirals completely out of control. It's not just news, it's emotionally unstable. Lunatic in the newsroom. Listen today. Hi, this is Alex Cantrowitz. I'm the host of Big Technology podcast, a longtime reporter and an on-air contributor to CNBC. And if you're like me, you're trying to figure out how artificial intelligence is changing the business world and our lives. So each week on Big Technology, I bring on key actors from companies building AI tech and outsiders trying to influence it, asking where this is all going. They come from places like Nvidia, Microsoft, Amazon, and plenty more. So if you want to be smart with your wallet, your career choices, and meetings with your colleagues and at dinner parties, listen to Big Technology podcast wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, so it feels a little strange to talk about my therapy here on the air, but I will. I've been seeing therapists on and off my whole life. You know, I grew up and had checked up family. We're nobody really cared about each other very much.

24:36So I think I've sort of been in and out of therapy my whole life, because my relationships with people just have never felt right. Girlfriends never felt right. My place in the world, just a little off. Some didn't feel right. You know, and there's some connection there. So I've sort of dabbled in it for those of you that don't know. My wife was hooked on prescription medication for five years. And she's just come out of that and she's recovering now. But it was a really, really brutal five years in our house. Like my wife just turned into this person that I don't even know. Certainly not the woman that I signed up for. And she hasn't been the woman that I fell in love with. Just the drugs have taken her over. And it has, it's been a rough five years for all of us, for everybody in the house. Without getting too much in depth with it, she's over that now and she kicked the habit. But for like five years now, I've sort of been in the house, but not in the house. You know what I mean? Like mentally? Yeah, I've just been putting a lot of distance between Stacy and I, because I'm not going anywhere.

25:37I've got kids. I made a commitment. So I've always said to myself that if I'm in a marriage that you've got to give it 250% before you walk out the door. And when you have kids at least in my head, you have to give 450%. So I did what I could do. Stacy was going through this very painful time. I was going through it with her. And then I sort of wasn't going through it with her also because I was keeping her at arm's length. And we disconnected. You know, I didn't know how to deal with it. Sometimes I was helping out. And other times I just mentally had to check out, you know? Because this person was not the person that I fell in love with and I wasn't liking. Well, I think a lot of times people don't realize the effect on caretakers in any situation. Because everybody's affected by anything that's going on like you said. And so I think that the person going through whatever struggle they're going through has to get through it because it's there. For you who wasn't going through that physically, you had to kind of stand by and endure it and then deal with it. And I think that there's so many people

26:38that don't know how to handle that situation. And I think not only caretaker, but also addiction and the way that that runs through people's lives and marriages, you know? Yeah. And the people around them aren't really allowed to talk and complain about it because the focus is on the person that's addicted and the pain that they're going through. So if you're the caretaker or you're in the house also, you sort of repress it and you're like, well, I'm going to put myself on the back burner right now because this person's going through real pain and I can't really bitch about it. So you sort of keep it inside. It's like depression. Like partners of people who have depression have to deal with the other person's depression. The consistent thing is that the caretaker is not going through it. So you're not addicted to it, but you have to deal with it. So you're feeling fine and you're ready to do whatever, but you can't. And over time, I mean, naturally, somebody's going to distance themselves from that. And I did. And the relationship is deteriorated. So now she's off the pain medications and she kicked it in one weekend and she's just been awesome about it and she has turned back into a better version of what she was before she was on the pain medication.

27:39It like should jumpstart our relationship again. This is, I got her back. In fact, I'm so proud of her too. I'm really proud of her. I mean, to do that in one weekend and stick to it like doctors would say would predict right now, she's not going to stick with it because 99% of people that do it on their own and do it the way Stacy did in one weekend go back on the pain medication. But I've seen this woman in a lot of pain this week based on her back and her eye and she is not touching it. She won't go anywhere. And only laugh because you close the out-problem. Right. Not purposely people. Unaccident. Unaccident. So to make a long story short, I've disconnected from my wife and now that she's this new person, I'm having a tough time getting back into that mode. I've kept her at arm's length for so long and disconnected that I just don't feel there. I just don't feel it's there. It's like that mode almost has become more regular. That's the routine now. That's what I know. I mean, it's five years. We're not talking about five weeks. We're talking about five years. So I decided to go to start therapy for it. You know, how do I get back to this place

28:40that I need to be with my wife? I never fell out of love with Stacy. I just fell out of like with her a long time ago. And I'm just having a tough time getting back into it. So I go to see a therapist and we're working on that. And while we're working on that, of course, when you go to see a therapist, you don't just work on one issue. A whole bunch of crap starts coming up. So what I have conveniently done is I sort of repressed how bad my childhood has been. Like my dad and my mom weren't physically abusive. They just didn't care. You know, there was never a priority in the house. There was never a vacation. There was never a birthday celebration. The kids never came first. It was always them, them, them, them, them. And the kids just didn't matter, you know? That's how I grew up all the way until I left the house at 18 years old. So the ramifications of that, I didn't think it was a big deal because I got a lot of friends that felt like to me we're in a worse situation than I. Where I got a lot of friends that used to get beat by their dads every time they came in the house and stuff like that. So I've just sort of blocked it all out. You know, it's painful to talk about. I just didn't think it was that's big a deal.

29:42That's others. And I didn't really know how big a deal it was in a deal. I have made my therapist cry twice in therapy over the last year. That is hard to do. Wow. What? I seriously did not realize how bad it was. And so she tiered up on me twice. And I'm like, really is it that bad? Because when you grow up in that environment, that's all you know. So as I'm relaying the stories to her and I'm sort of doing it in this emotional way, she's like, are you kidding me? Really? I'm like, yeah, so that's it. That's what you want to hear from your therapist. No. Are you kidding me of all the years? And she's been a therapist. So she's tearing up. I'm talking to her. She's tearing up. And I literally would stop the session going, are you? Wait a second. I'm paying to cry in here. Not you. Oh my God. Wow. Oh, hurt. I mean, you've always said when the rest of us have talked about family in here that's hard for you. Yeah, it is. It's really hard. Well, I said I didn't think it was that bad. I also wondered when you had kids if that all this had to surface kind of resurface a little bit.

30:44Well, part of this is part of my homework assignment this weekend is that I've compartmentalized all of it. Like what happened to me and my child and how bad it was, I've just sort of like forgotten about, literally forgotten about. I can't remember things that you guys can remember in your childhood. I have zero recollection on. Like you probably have memories from when you were six, seven, eight years old. I got to stay at school. I've got nothing. I've got nothing. And when you guys probably have pictures that your parents took of you on those days to jog those memories because my parents just didn't care, I got no point of reference. No pictures, no nothing. So I can't remember anything. So I haven't really attacked this problem. My therapist thinks for years and years and years and years. So I'm going to New York City this weekend because my mom's husband is celebrating his birthday. So we're going to be in Manhattan. So my therapist has suggested that we drive to Long Beach where I grew up and drive around the neighborhood a little bit and knock on the door of my childhood home

31:46and go in there and see if I can jog the memories loose. Wow. For what reason? What's the purpose of that? Like if you do jog those memories and those childhood memories come up, like she feels like that heel. She feels like when I tell the story of my childhood that I tell it like it is, like it's a book and that I don't attach the feelings to it and how painful it is. And until I do that and feel it and can jog some of those memories that it's going to be a difficult therapy for me. So she thinks by me cruising around Long Beach and by me knocking on the door and walking through that house a little bit that maybe it will accelerate things a little bit. Because if your mind is blocking that out, like that's a total protection reason. One of my best friends growing up had abuse in the home and abuse of her in the home. And there were times when we were older that she would ask me questions about what happened because she had literally blacked out so many parts of her childhood because like her emotions in her brain shut it down because she obviously didn't feel she could handle thinking about those things again.

32:46But you can't, you can't, you can't process it or heal from it as long as it's blacked out. And I've never talked to people about it before. So I just assumed nobody remembered anything from their childhood. I guess like if you don't talk to people about it, you just assume everybody else is the same way. So while I'm talking to my third business about it, she's like you can't remember a birthday. I can't remember a birthday, not a birthday party. I barely remember the neighborhood. I don't remember nothing. You had siblings, right? I've got two step brothers. Two step brothers that were older than you? Both older, but there's. But how many years? You're asking me questions, I don't even know because everybody's so jacked up in my family and disconnected that I haven't talked to these people in 25 years. My cousin found me on Facebook and started sending me a couple of pictures from when I was a kid. Those are the only pictures I have. Now your step brothers, were you ever in the same house with them? I live with my brother Andy for a little while, but my mom's. That's the first time I think I've ever heard his name. Oh, really? Yeah, I stay here. Oh, kidding. Yeah, I lived with Andy for a while here, but my mother gave up all three children at one point. She gave up my oldest brother to her first husband.

33:50She gave up the middle child to my dad's sister. And then she gave me up to my dad. Sounds jacked up. And remember, this woman is a family therapist in New York City right now. Hey, successful. Very successful family therapist. Good morning, Ryan. You're on cue 100. It's so bizarre. How you doing? All right, man, what's going on? I don't mean to be a downer, man. Oh, no, no. That's what made me call you. I mean, I'm going through the same exact thing you just said about your wife. But I mean, my wife works at night. She's a dancer. She's been doing this for a couple of years now. I've got my two little girls. You know that I keep every single night from the time I walk through the door when I get off work till the time they go to bed. And I've been doing this for quite a long time. And she just got hooked on these prescription pills. And like you said, she is not the same person I married. I mean, she went from this sweet gorgeous woman to this absolutely hateful woman. You can't ask a question, too. This is the four times she's walked out the door and left me with these two little girls, regardless of how many times I've tried to take her back.

34:52And I just cannot figure out what to do about this. I can't question her. I can't ask her anything about it. I mean, if you mention it, bring it up. It's like somebody's going to attack you like a rabid dog. Yeah, I don't know how to, I can't give you any advice on it at all. I really can't because I don't think I handled it very well. So I wish I could say that there was some magic word to get her into therapy, but I don't have one. Stacey just figured out, I mean, I was always sort of hounding her, but the thing about my wife is this is that she's just such a strong person. That when she was telling me and I would bring up my concerns to her, she would tell me that she's not addicted. Like she could give it up in a second and I just know her personality. When she tells me that, I believe her. And then one day she just decided, that's it, no more. She couldn't actually get her prescription. She was in a different state. So she was forced to go without the pills. And it motivated her just to stop all together. So she went through three or four days of complete detoxing where she was shaking on a couch and she was miserable and she got out of it and she hasn't gone back since. The phrase, I can quit anytime I want to.

35:54That's the red flag phrase for anybody with any kind of addiction, you know? Yeah. I would say this that if I had to do it all over again, if I could give any advice to anybody that's going through this with their wife or their husband, I would say get involved immediately. Don't be scared, it's gonna be ugly. They're gonna argue with you, they're gonna fight with you. But if I had to do it all over again, I would have manned up more about it. I would have said, you don't even realize what she, her doctor's told her, her mom told her, I told her, she's so damn strong and so damn proud. I thought, look, she's got to handle on everything. And I would have fought more. That's the only thing I would do differently. Hey, Carla, good morning, you're on Q100. My advice to vert is don't go, don't do it. I don't know how bad it was, but there's a reason why you forgot things that you forgot. Well, it's definitely effects him though. Yeah, and I'm not one to run away from stuff like that. I mean, I am the way I am right now and I'm trying to make changes. And I think the only way you can do that is to be courageous about it. And this is something that I actually want to do now. I mean, it's still jog the memories and stuff that's like causing you pain now.

36:56Yeah, I want that. You know, I want to go around it. I want to not go through it. I want to go around it. I'm not scared to go through it. I want to go through it now. Just putting a bandaid on a gunshot wound, you know, it's like, to me, is the only thing I can think of because it's not going to heal that wound. And it's always going to be there. You just got to get in there, clean it out, and then it'll finally. And I think the only way to do it. I think the only way to do that is to attack it head on. And if I don't do it, then I'm going to, I think regret the opportunity to do it because I'm just not up there all that often. So I might as well go through it. And then I'm supposed to go to a birthday party then. Oh, yay. That's the more interesting party though, part of the whole thing. Now that your mom have to go with you or is it just you by yourself? Just stacey and I are going to go by herself. So I'll let you guys know how it goes on Monday morning. Hey, the bird show. Teleredic here from 2311 Racing.

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38:57skills organized by grade level and simple progress tracking. It fits into even the busiest spring schedules. It's also trusted nationwide. In fact, IXL is used in 96 of the top 100 school districts in the US. Make an impact on your child's learning. Get IXL now. Listeners can get an exclusive 20% off IXL membership when they sign up today at IXL.com forward slash today. Visit IXL.com forward slash today to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price. Morning, Amber. Hey, good morning. How are you today? I'm a little angry, but that's okay. Just trying to figure out what to do. Well, at first opinion without here in the entire story, judging, I guess, is that I just don't think best friend can date the X Husband in any circumstance at all if you guys are truly best friends. One would think, but then I had discovered all this stuff and it really freaked me out. So I'm just trying to figure out how this all unfolded. Well, Bert talked about best friends. So how long is your best friend been your best friend?

39:59Oh, we've been best friends in high school. In fact, she was in my wedding. All right. And then how long were you married to your husband? I think about six or seven years. Okay. Here's the deal. We were living in Phoenix and about a year ago, I got, you know, I was getting divorced. It was typical cliche now to be divorced. As we were getting divorced, I would obviously go over to my best friend in high school to be comforted, et cetera, et cetera. And she gave me her login information to give them to Facebook because I never had a Facebook page. And I thought it was interesting that even though he and I were still going to this nasty divorce, he was still a friend on her Facebook page. Does that make sense? Like, it was like a little weird. So I eventually moved to Atlanta, which is awesome. And I would still check up using her login page on my husband. Okay. You're looking at who he's dating and friends with and pictures and vacations. And you add this exactly.

41:01Relationship status. Yeah. And of course, it's a little evicting and a little unhealthy. That's not so good. What Facebook or just being on somebody else's. Well, just following your ex-husband's life period, maybe it's your ex-husband for a reason. Right. Right, but yeah. Whatever. I have these suspicions always that he was an, you know, very truthful to me. And so it's interesting to see a conum in like a few little lies. There are even things I found on his Facebook page. But he's your ex-husband, so that's irrelevant. No, but I'm talking about even things that I have to while we were married. Okay. There's a references. So about six months ago, my best friend asked me if I was still doing it. I said, no, not of course not. But I still went using her Facebook page. So I'm scheduled to fly out tonight to go to Phoenix to see her and I'm supposed to get in about 830 and judge for fun for using her Facebook page.

42:01And as I'm there checking his stuff out, and I chat pops up from him. All right, so he thinks he's chatting with your best friend at this point. Yeah, okay. Because you're using her account. I'm her and it pops up, hey, what are you doing? And I could see some of the history of their messages back and forth. And one of them was confirming a date for tonight. Oh. I land tonight, like I'm supposed to land about 815. What she doesn't know is I changed my flight to land like 230 and I want to box them on their date because it said we're to meet and it had exo, exo and wings and smiley faces. Hold on a second. What didn't you hear? Am I missing something? You're going out there to visit your friend? You're going out to see her. So a chat popped up confirming a date with your ex-husband before you're supposed to land. Yeah. She was going to go with her ex-husband before she picks her up from the airport. I got it. So she changed her flight to get there early so that she could be there and then bus them

43:02during their dinner. OK. All right. I got you. And she'd never said anything. And once the line up said to her, I'm like, oh, have you seen Brandon lately? And she'll be like, no, no, no, not at all. And he said to dirtbag and after what he did to you. So no indication at all from her that they've had any interaction. Zero. Zero. Zero. And when you're looking at the history of these messages together, is it clear that they've been seeing each other and that this meeting tonight is really like a romantic date? It's crystal clear. We can visit not like, oh, this is interesting or whatever. Like, there's an email history in her inbox. But I went to her inbox. I can see how it started. To me, what that says is like, when you first start dating someone, you keep all of their messages. Like, they're voicemail messages for emails. And she has everything. They shoot the entire history from the time right after I left. Here's what I'm trying to get at, though. I want specifics on what those instant messages

44:02and some of those emails said, because you've already proven at your little psycho when it comes to your ex-husband anyway. So I'm wondering if there's anything in these emails or instant messages that might be innocent enough, but you're interpreting as an affair because you're just not thinking clearly, because the players are who they are. Would they have a date tonight? No, they spent the holidays together. And because there was references where he wrote, it was nice meeting your family. And then there's another one that said, forget exactly how it was worded. But can we do exactly what we did last night again tonight? Smiley, safe, heart, smiley. OK, so this is a relationship, both emotional and physical at this point. All right, so my question is, have you walked yourself through how this is all going to go down when you get there and you bust them? Like what you're going to say, what you're going to do afterwards, and how you're going to turn around and leave again. Yeah, why didn't you? You need to re-book a flight later tonight to come back home because you don't need to be stuck in Phoenix

45:03after this disaster happens. And you're completely an emotional wreck. And then you're left. What, standing there, staying at your best friend's place? I'm not going to go back to her place. Now, I'm going to get a whole childhood role calling. No, I agree. No, I agree, Jen. You got to come back to Atlanta. I don't think you need to go. I think you just call your friend and go, hey, look, I know you have a date tonight. And you're obviously busy. So I'm not going to come visit. Click, save the ticket. Go to some floor to beach or whatever. But you know how like sometimes we've talked about this on there, you need to see it with your own eyes. Yeah. And you know, they could deny, deny, deny, deny. But if you see it with your own eyes, then it's 100%. But you know that you see it with your own eyes. It's not going to stop it. Your best friend is pretty much gone. I mean, I agree with Jen. It's already gone. It's your ex-girlfriend and your ex-husband. Let these people go and cut them out of your life. After whatever confrontation you want to have with them or whatever discussion or see it with your own eyes or whatever, you just need the following plan. You know, do you give her back like a scrapbook of your friendship and be like, here you go.

46:03It's all yours. I don't want this anymore. Turn around, get in the cab and go to the air. Like you need a plan and an exit plan. Good morning, Marsha. You're part of the birch show, huh? I just want to share that after my divorce of 14 years, I can fold my very, very, very, very dear friend and she was very sweet and listened to all of my problems and I did not know until much later was also consoling my ex-husband and they started dating and they kept it a secret. The bottom line is, it's none of your freaking business. These are grown adults and they can do what they want. And all I can say is that people have different relationships. People work differently together. And after I found out, I told them, bless you both. If you can make this work, then bless you both. She's a bigger person to be able to forgive and let go like that. I couldn't do that. That's just really, really amazing. I know it, it sounds that way, but I just, I think people talk to themselves

47:03into thinking there that way. I think it's very difficult for a person to actually do that. It's probably healthy. I mean, if you can do it, I'm sure it's very healthy for you to go, that was part of the past. I'm going to cleanse, I'm going to be the bigger person, but I think there are very few people that can actually do that. There are few. I have one really good friend of mine who is so forgiving. She would honestly be the only person I know that would actually be able to do that. And let it go and really, truly in her heart be forgiving and truly want the best for them. I'm just, I don't admire that. I got to be honest with you. I do too. I do too. I don't. I think if it's me and I find myself in this situation, I'm doing exactly what you're doing. I got to go see it with my own eyes. And then when I do see it, that's it. I sever both relationships. They never happen. Even though you read about it clearly in exchange between the two of you still need to look at it. And I have to say. And I think most women would close their own way. Under the whole way, I'm not a woman. I just bother. I mean one of you. Where are my best girlfriends?

48:04What are other... No, I think most women would. I mean it's the whole closer thing. I know what they're nice. To finally have closure about it. What's her name? Her name is Amber. Amber, are you listening to any of this? Is this like computing with you? It's not. I've just been still seeing red right now because I'm so angry and I forgot. I want her to look me in the eyes. This is why women need to do this. Well, I agree with Wendy it's closure because you get mad enough to where you can walk away. Because for a lot of women, it takes you going to the edge to be able to finally cut it loose. But I so agree with Jen about booking an exit flight. Cannot stay in Phoenix tonight. And do you have any close girlfriends who are your actual friends that can know your plan and know what you're doing, or your mom maybe, or like somebody, and you need a go-to person to call somebody in your life that you can depend on. Or just some issue on the phone with. Or just to emotionally lean on after that because that's going to be a pretty strong night right there. Well, Amber, let's talk to you either tomorrow

49:04if you're back here or on Monday and find out if you actually went or you stayed or you saw it with your own eyes and how they all handled it, OK? So I'm definitely going and I'm going to walk in. I need, I can't, I'm shocked. So sorry. For whatever reason, sometimes we have people on here and I don't believe they're going to actually do what they tell us they're going to do. But you have the fire in your voice. I think it's going to happen. All right, I'll definitely keep you guys posted. Hang on. I'd like your exit strategy. Like, have a plan, but I didn't have a plan. I'll fly up to Vegas. There you go. That's a big, you know, it Vegas is built for situation. The Ferture. Tyler Reddick here from 2311 Racing. Victory Lane? Yeah, it's even better with Chamba by my side. Race to ChambaCasino.com. Let's Chamba. No purchase necessary. VTW Group, void, we're prohibited by law. CTNCs, 21 plus sponsored by ChambaCasino.