Former PARTNER and his spouse sent me a DECLARATION LABELING me as an

0:00President Barack Obama. Virginia, we are counting on you. Republicans want to steal enough seats in Congress to raid the next election and wield unchecked power for two more years. But you can stop them by voting yes by April 21st. Help put our elections back on a level playing field and let voters decide not politicians. Vote yes by April 21st. Paid for by Virginians for fair elections. I hope you enjoy this story. Former partner and his spouse sent me a declaration labelling me as an inadequate parent for requesting their assistance in looking after our children while I enjoy my post-wedding trip, despite my increased efforts in childcare duties. School pickups and medical appointments for them for years. This is kind of sweaty, but my, 30F, ex-husband Greg, 38M, and I have two kids, Luisa, Nine, and Ted, Seven. We divorced over five years ago and co-parent

1:01very well. The divorce was because I was happy with our two children but he wanted more, and even therapy didn't help. We have had basically no issues. There's no child support, we're 50 to 50, have never had issues having the kids if the other parent has something come up and understand that it's just about making sure their lives aren't too disrupted. Greg remarried Tessie, 38F, four years ago and they have another child, a boy, and another about to make their appearance in this world in a few weeks. I am marrying my fiancé Luke, 36M. In February, we've been together for about three years and he's known my kids for two, we moved in together last year. We have a group chat, but aren't overly friendly or anything, we only talk about the kids and keep it pretty lighthearted. Our only rules with the other dating is that we would introduce our partners to the other before they met the kids, which went great with both of them. When Tessie and Greg married, I obviously kept the kids an extra week for their honeymoon, and again for my actual week so they could settle in, they didn't live together before they got married.

2:06When they had their first baby, I kept our kiddos for about a month, but brought them over a few times to see their new brother obviously, so they could settle in since it was Tessie's first baby. A few weeks ago at one of Lacey's games, Tessie told me the date her C-section was scheduled for, which is in the middle of their custody week. I told her we were excited for them and of course I could keep them that week in my following week, and we could go back to normal their next custody period. She kind of hemmed and haught and asked if we could keep them for another custody week to give them a month again to get used to things. I said that was fine, I didn't expect them to need that much time for their second baby, but C-sections are major surgeries and I said I'd be happy to keep the kid, they don't live far from us so bringing them over to hang out won't be too out of my way and of course I love having my kids with me. Anywho, we finalized our plan for our honeymoon, which is three weeks. I know it seems excessive, but it's something on both of our bucket lists, but not something the kids would be too interested in, and the honeymoon seems

3:06like the best opportunity to do it. Basically what would happen would be that we'd get married on Saturday, my week, the kids would stay with Greg that night and stay for his week, then they would keep them for our week in their next week. So they'd have them for one of my custody weeks plus one extra evening. I don't have family around, my parents died young, grandparents before them, and the aunt and uncle who helped raise me retired to New Mexico, three-hour plan ride plus two-hour drive at min. I have friends who have watched the kids before, but I didn't see a single issue with asking Greg to keep them for a week since it seems like there's a bit of precedent. I texted him the general plan and emailed him a more detailed one with locations, days, times etc. so he could know where we were slash how to contact us if there was an issue. I thought all was well and good, but they never responded until a few days later they emailed me what Luke and I jokingly now refer to as the manifesto. It was long, rambling, repetitive, and still somehow partially written by chat GPT, the gist of it was, what kind of mother on a three-week

4:10vacation without her kids. I'm a terrible person in general for asking a young mother to have her stepkids full time for three weeks while I go and enjoy myself. She kept calling Tessie a young mother, I think she means mother of young kids and I know it's not the point but it kept annoying me. Also it wouldn't be alone with her, Greg would obviously be there. I am a horrible co-parent for asking them to have the kids for three straight weeks while their kids are so young, their newest baby will be six months old by then BTW. Apparently it's all well and fine that Luke and I don't want any more kids, he is head of a sectomy and known he didn't want kids of his own for a while, but we'd better not think that gives us permission to dump Luisa and Ted on them to Galavand around, I don't think I've ever galavanded in my entire life, we needed to figure our own weeks out ourselves, this was not life or death and it was ridiculous to ask them. I got petty after this, especially them acting as if we are constantly dumping the kiddos on them. So I went through the last four years of texts and made a spreadsheet of how many times either of us has asked the other

5:10to keep the kids and the duration on an Excel sheet. While we both have made these requests, they have done so for 87 nights, 52 times, versus me 12 nights, 8 times. Obviously this makes sense since they have a baby and I didn't send it to them or anything, but it was good to know I'm not crazy. My friends say I should tell them that, fine, I won't keep them during their custody time after their new baby comes. I'm not going to do that. I love my kids and want to see them as much as I can, but I do a lot extra for them, just some examples. Sometimes Luke, if he's off work, pick the kids up every single day after school and on Greg's custody weeks I drop them off at their house since he doesn't get off until five so that Tessie doesn't have to take the baby out to pick them up. Keep in mind that she does not work anymore. President Barack Obama. Virginia, we are counting on you. Republicans want to steal enough seats in Congress to raid the next election and wield unchecked power for two more years, but you can stop them by voting yes by April 21st.

6:16Help put our elections back on a level playing field and let voters decide not politicians. Vote yes by April 21st. Paid for by Virginians for fair elections. In a world of endless notifications, there could be an important one you're missing. Your kidneys may be signaling in SOS. With high blood pressure or type 2 diabetes, your kidneys could be warning you of early signs of damage, which may put you at higher risk for events like heart attack or stroke, but there's a simple test that can help spot a hidden signal. Ask your doctor about a urine test called UACR to help detect kidney disease and heart risk early. To learn more of visit DetectTheSOS.com today. Our divorce decree says that whoever's weak it is must drop the kids off at the other parent's house. But I've been doing all of the back and forth for a while again because they have a kid and because it's not that far, five minute drive, 20 minute walk if it's nice. I take the kids to all of their appointments, do all of the school parents stuff

7:19during the day, etc. Since I have a super flexible schedule and Greg's isn't, he would need to use PTO for all of this stuff. We usually split health insurance per the divorce decree. There on his works insurance, but since I take them to all of their appointments, etc. I pay all of the copays. I keep a tally just in case I would end up owing him money, and I know what he pays towards the premiums, and in the past it was minimal, but our daughter unfortunately has typed one diabetes which has gotten pretty expensive. It wasn't killing me, but Greg mentioned how tight money was once when I was bringing it up and I decided that it's not affecting my life, our daughter needed it, so I've been letting it go. Their son has been in the process of being diagnosed with autism, and has pretty bad meltdowns. This is all I know from Greg, so they call me pretty frequently to see if I can come and get the kids for a few hours if things are overwhelming. Of course I love my kids and spending time with them, but I've had to cancel plans for this and they have not cared. Greg was in an accident and has been using my old car,

8:22I got a new one and hadn't sold the old one yet, it's not worth a ton or anything. For the past seven months, with no effort to replace it, Greg travels sometimes for work, and they, Greg and the kids, have a cat over there. Normally Luisa would take care of the litter box if Greg was traveling, but since her diagnosis and until we get her labs slash health under some form of control, we both agreed that we don't want her messing with it, they let the cat go outside during the day. Since Tessie has been pregnant she said she shouldn't have two, and Ted is a little young, he tried, failed, now he helps Loa, so I've been doing it. Anyways, these are all benefits for them that I'm going to inform them are ending. I won't go back on my word to have the kiddos after she has her C-section, but the absolute goal of them to not do the one thing that I have asked of them, and that I've done for them, have brought me to this. Most of my friends say I'm not going far enough, but a few have said that it might cause a breakdown in our co-parenting relationship, which would affect the kids. That's really the only thing I care about, so now I'm hesitant.

9:27Comments where OP has replied, comment one, I mean, even if it does cause a breakdown A, they started it in B, you've been doing a lot of extra. I would reconsider stopping doing the kitty litter because it is true that pregnant women shouldn't handle litter, recently was pregnant myself. But yeah, NTA, you do them a lot of favors that you don't have too. It's a dick move on their part that they won't take the kids for one extra week. Boop, yeah, they'll have to pay someone because I am uncomfortable with Luisa doing it until we really get the betis under control and her doctor agrees comment two, IMPTA. Your friends are worried if you send them this info it will be a breakdown of the co-parenting relationship, but don't consider their entitled manifesto to be the first crack at it? Those friends are full of shit. I would send them the excel spreadsheet and tell them to verify it. Remind them of the flexibility you've given them and you raise small children without the benefit of a third parent. I would tell them how insulting their manifesto and lack of recognition of your efforts to make their lives easier and blend well with all the

10:29kids in mind. The audacity it takes to shame you for taking three weeks for your honeymoon. When you take the kids to so many things, fuck them. If they don't wise up, don't take the kids and stick to the custody schedule and work something out with your friends for your weeks. Boop, yes the manifesto was incredibly hurtful and came out of nowhere. We had always gotten along so well. I know money is tough on them. But Luke said the same as you, they chose to have more kids, she chose to be a song, but it still feels like maybe they're jealous of the long trip. Luke's parents have offered to watch them, they aren't huge into kids but like ours, and want to help us out but I feel like it's not their job when their father will be in town. The other option would be to fly my aunt and uncle up for the week, which I know they'd like but again, it seems ridiculous when their own father will be in town. I couldn't imagine being in town just hanging out knowing that my kids were at his parents. Comment three, if you were my friend, and you have to use your in-laws or

11:33aunt and uncle to watch the kids, I would tell you to stop doing all the extra stuff you do. Your ex is a parent to your kids too and needs to act like it. Boop, thank you, I just don't want my kids negatively affected for sure, but I also don't want to be a doormat. Like, of course I'd rather pick them up if she can't get her kid in the car because they shouldn't have to be in latchkey when they have a psalm step mom and a mom who works from home, but I think from now if he refuses to find them another ride and she won't do it, I'll still pick them up at least, but bring them to my house. President Barack Obama. Virginia, we are counting on you. Republicans want to steal enough seats in Congress to raid the next election and wield unchecked power for two more years, but you can stop them by voting yes by April 21st. Help put our elections back on a level playing field and let voters decide not politicians. Vote yes by April 21st. Paid for by Virginians for fair elections. Boop needs to talk with a lawyer about getting more custody of Luisa and Ted.

12:38I don't have a lawyer skeptical we did everything ourselves since it was so copacetic comment for. Honestly, I would send an email with the spreadsheet, pretty badass emo, and let them know that you don't appreciate their ungrateful attitude and that you are more than happy to go by the parenting agreement forward. People want to be petty and ungrateful and so do I allow loop, I just feel like the best thing for my kids is to have a good co-parenting relationship. My friends' parents were divorced and they did not get along in made her child with miserable. It's not their fault we didn't work out and I want to do everything I can to make their lives not that much harder. But I agree I need to stop being so accommodating. It will be a horrible wake-up call and I just don't want them to make my kids' lives worse. Come and five. And two. Don't let anyone walk over you. They said you were dumping the kids on them when they were doing exactly the same. Boop, I just hated the word dumping as if my kids aren't a delight to be around. I mean for their parents, I'm not one of those crazy moms or anything I

13:39just can't imagine saying they were dumped on me. Does oops children have their own rooms when at Greg's house, not sharing with their brother? They have their own room at both houses. Boop on the health insurance her kids have from Greg, I already give him a huge break TBH. They're on his insurance so he pays the premiums but since they have their son on it, the premiums stay the same if you have one or seven kids. I could put them on my similar insurance which would actually be a cheaper premium for me to pay, but I'll let the premiums he pays go towards his half of the medical expenses even though he'd have to pay it all anyways if that makes sense. LMAO Fuck American Healthcare, right? Luckily I used MISA to reimburse myself for the expenses so I can pull those reimbursements easily and make another spreadsheet. If any European or person from an actual first world country needs some to explain any of this LMK LOL update one. Hey everyone, I got way too overwhelmed with the responses but like I thought, I was completely being taken advantage of and the friends telling me to let it go can suck it.

14:43JK I know where they were coming from they were just wrong in my egg Greg and Tessie do need to be introduced to my good friend reality. One thing I didn't mention in my last post is that Greg and I have a long history. I've known him forever since we moved to his mom's neighborhood when I was four. We were always friendly and then we started hooking up when I was in college and got pregnant. In his defense, he 100% stood up, married me, took care of us, paid for everything while I finished school, and even paid for my college. But even before all that, he's always been a great guy and my friend. I know it seems like I was being taken advantage of but of course over the years people probably thought I was taking advantage of him before I started making the big bucks. It was me who filed for divorce. He said he could probably go to therapy and find a way to make it work but I knew I couldn't ask him to do that. And there has been reciprocity in other ways. After we divorced he definitely helped me a lot in setting up my new home before Luke and I got together. Doing things like mowing, cleaning the gutters, fixing appliances. Obviously those things

15:46don't happen anymore, but I'm just saying it hasn't always been me doing everything. Finally, all of this has not been thankless. Up until the manifesto, they were incredibly and vocally grateful and appreciative. Doing things for appreciative people is great and makes me feel good. Unfortunately now that we are living in the post manifesto era, I don't get any joy from helping them out like I used to. With all that being said, I can't continue bending over backwards for him just because he was good to me before. Anyways I got pretty mad at myself at my last post and decided to respond to the manifesto as I was hyping myself up though Greg called. I was pretty amped so I decided to answer. He started with apologizing. He didn't say it directly but I got the gist that Tessie wrote the email and anger because of how overwhelming everything is. He reminded me that it wasn't just his son's issues. Luisa was also struggling to get her diabetes under control. Any other type one parents can probably relate and she misread my email to think that I was asking for them to keep them for three of my custody periods for a total of

16:50six weeks. Going back to the manifesto I can kind of see where she was saying that but it wasn't the most coherent thing to begin with. He said one week for our honeymoon is totally fine and they will figure it out. He acknowledged that it was entirely inappropriate and uncalled for. Unluckily for him I was not in the best mood and told him damn straight it was one of the most deranged and untrue emails I've ever read. I asked him if anything they wrote in the email rang true to him in the cold light of day and he admitted no. I had kind of been going back and forth on this and was originally going to tell him to go to hell and we would never switch custody times again. I didn't care if they had five more kids with C-sections but I decided against going that far. I told him that I would get the kids when Tessie had her C-section, keep them through my custody and would expect them to have them back during his next custody period which still gave them 10 days to recover etc. If he needed more help I expected him to figure out any extra childcare for our kids like he will need to with his other son. He started arguing

17:52but I just bulldozed through and told him that he could make this and all of the other times I've helped him out with childcare by watching the kids during my week during my honeymoon. He said that sounded fair and thanked me. But I told him that the email was so far out of line that that any and all extras I've been doing were over immediately. He could either find a new carpool, no bus, private school, or I would keep picking the kids up from school but here Tessie could get them from my home during their weeks. If they are unable to care for the children due to their son's meltdowns or their new baby, I would be willing to help them but warn them that due to their accusations I would start, LOL, tracking this and if I thought it was becoming an issue I would file for primary custody. I asked him if that would help, he could have the kids every other weekend, I wouldn't demand child support in light of his very difficult situation, even though I know I could, and he insisted that wasn't necessary, that it was on them to figure things out. He really didn't have a lot to say back to any of this and apologized again. I told him that it wasn't impossible to rebuild the trust we have had in the past,

18:55but it was going to take a lot of time and hard work on his and his wife's part because I was done putting in so much just to get attacked. He promised he understood and he'd figure everything else out. I told him that since this was another verbal, aka not legally binding, agreement, the first time either of them slips up, makes outrageous demands, or says anything remotely close to what she wrote I would bring down the hammer because due to the attacks on my character I now had a lawyer on retainer, hadn't met with the lawyer yet but sometimes you need to bluff. He confirmed he understood. Pessie sent me a text apology, it seems sincere but I don't trust her. I know Greg wouldn't throw her under the bus, but the fact that she thought it was okay to send such a demeaning and demonizing email to me after all I've done for her really ruined any grace I was willing to give her. I sent her a short acknowledgement text and went on with my day. Both their lives are about to get much, much more difficult, if they try to put any of that discomfort or difficulties on my kids I will move swiftly, but also if it means that my kids

19:56get a little less at their dad's house than they do here, that's not the worst lesson for them. Their needs will always be met, I know that. And they've been in therapy for a while so while I'm concerned that Tessie could take her frustrations out on them, I truly think they would tell me. President Barack Obama. Virginia, we are counting on you. Republicans want to steal enough seats in Congress to raid the next election and wield unchecked power for two more years, but you can stop them by voting yes by April 21st. Help put our elections back on a level playing field and let voters decide not politicians. Vote yes by April 21st. Paid for by Virginians for fair elections. I read so many other stories on here and realized that two things, so the thing with the car it's meant for my friend's stepdaughter for when she gets her permit. She is 15 and we all love her so much, but she has that disease that 15 year olds get where she really doesn't have

20:58any motivation whatsoever. So I was talking about all this to said friend, she told her husband, and he marched upstairs and told his daughter to get dressed so she could go and take her permit test. She failed smile but is going to try again next week, and he is purchasing the car next week. Greg knows and knows he has until then to acquire a new one. And the cat isn't Tessie's cat. It was Greg's guilty divorced dad first Christmas gift LOL. I really like the cat, she's very sweet and snugly and I haven't minded helping especially since Louisa does feel bad she doesn't do it anymore. Honestly if it wasn't for that I probably wouldn't have agreed to help. Luckily the induction is soon and Greg won't be traveling for a while, so it's a moot point. Obviously if they were to decide to get pregnant again, they would need to hire someone to do the litter box going forward. I've probably only done it three times, but I see that was crossing some boundaries I should have put up. I'm going to keep enjoying the life that I've worked hard to build. I know they'll always be around and in my life,

22:01and it's unfortunate for them that the choices they made got them in this situation, but they're going to have to rebuild their village. I'm excited for the wedding and especially excited to go to Japan. Those things and of course my kiddos are my focus going forward. Peace. Update 2, so my axe and I had some recent issues to say the least, and I'm completely pulling back any favors that I used to do. It's deserved on his and his wife's end, but it is going to hurt them. They have a little boy who's three, four-dish, and it seems profoundly autistic, still not speaking, has meltdowns, self-injures. In the past, since I live close, if their son was having a very severe meltdown and my kids were there they'd ask me to come and get them and I usually would. Unfortunately, they have behaved badly and I will no longer be doing this. They're also about to have another baby, which I'm sure will be stressful as well, so I understand it will be difficult. I obviously don't want my kids to have to deal with anything traumatic. The little boy is still their brother and they do love him. And I think it's important for

23:05them to have the time with their father and his family. That being said, I obviously want what's best for my kids. How do I help them remain positive while also protecting them? forward slash forward slash