FEELING THINGS: Rebuilding Self Trust, Placebo Affirmations & Elegant Exits for Difficult Conversations

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3:10And I'm ready to just get to the feelings because I know that you have a bone to pick with me and I don't know what the bone is, but I just want to get through the feelings. And I don't know if that has to do with your feeling or what, but let's do. Leggo. Okay, so I will say this is a little taste of your own medicine. Okay. From when you told me that we needed to discuss something and then left me on red and I was freaking out about it. I just sent you a text because I needed to talk about something, but it was really not a big deal. Well neither is this. But I will say my feeling of the day I have to. I feel very grateful and that's because of all of the comments and messages and emails we got after I announced my pregnancy. They were so sweet. I was texting you and I was like the people that are like, I don't even know you and I'm crying. That was so sweet and that meant a lot. So that's my grateful. I am going to use the feeling in, because I'm intrigued. I'm intrigued. And this is my bone to pick with you. We have been talking about past couple weeks or so.

4:12Love is blind. And I have been suggesting shows for you to watch such as traitors. And you have been very anti both of these shows. Right. And then I open Instagram and I see that you are watching Age of Attraction. Yes. So how did we get there? Because from my perspective, Age of Attraction, I could not even click on that. It gave me the ik. It felt so cringe. Okay. So if you are so uninterested in these wonderful shows such as traitors and love is blind, what got you interested in Age of Attraction? Well I was sucked in through an Instagram clip actually of this woman and a man, but he's way younger. So a boy that feels weird. He's a young man in his late 20s and a woman in her late 50 or mid 50s.

5:18I got the same video. So I got this video and they weren't telling us the age of these people. And they were just showing that they were having a connection. And it was like, well, how does she and how does he? So then I got sucked in because I needed a no. I needed to know the age difference. And so the only way for me to find out is to watch. Okay. Well, and for people who don't know what we're talking about, Age of Attraction is a dating show on Netflix. And from my understanding, you just date a bunch of people. You don't know what their ages are and at the end you tell people. So they bring everybody together and you have to do like these little speed dates or go on these types of dates, only one rule. You cannot discuss your age. But like, I think part of my thing was like, you have to know they're like, right. It's kind of obvious. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Well, so that one particular couple that I'm talking about, like, won't say their names or who they are. So it's not like a really spoiling anything. It's been all over the internet. But he ended up being older than her son, than her oldest son.

6:23Like that would be weird. If I was her son and younger. How do I say it? Older. He ended up being older than her oldest son. Maybe I said youngest son. That's good. That's normal. Yes. You want the boyfriend to be older than the kids. Okay. So was he younger than her kids? Okay. Maybe, maybe you're right. I get it now. I was like, am I hearing this wrong? Or what's going on? I was like, what is this wrong with me? Can I blame it? It goes, that's normal. Okay. Okay. Okay. You're right. You're right. Fine. We'll make them the same age. Even though one of us, that's weird. They're a year apart or something. I can't remember. Obviously, if he's older or younger. But they're only a year apart. It reminds me of when my dad, his fourth wife, my brother, brought a girlfriend to dinner.

7:23And my brother's girlfriend was older than my dad's wife. Now, that makes sense. Well, it was right. Yes, but was his girlfriend a lot older than him? No, not a lot. Your dad's wife was a lot younger than him. Yeah. It would have made more sense for my brother to be dating my dad's wife. Wow. Wow. Wait. So, do these people stay together after they find out that they just... I don't know. Okay. I don't know. And I'm not going to be that invested in the whole thing. Okay. Yeah. Like, pick too many bones with me about this. Because it's not like, I'm obsessed with the show or anything. Like, I don't know if there's season two that I'll watch. Did you watch the whole... Did you watch the whole... The finale's tomorrow. But you watched all the episodes. Yeah. I hadn't on the back. You knew how I watched shows like that. Like I was doing things. I was a computer walking in and out. But I watched it enough. But it's interesting. His Netflix normally rolls things out all at once. But this has been in... That's how they did love his blind. Or it was like three episodes, then two, then two, then one, then one, then... Right. Whatever. Okay.

8:23So I will say that... I think it must be on TikTok. They're posting... Netflix is posting videos of the age reveals. So they're kind of giving spoilers on TikTok. Yeah. So I will say this. Shannon looked it up. This particular couple, she's 54, and he's 27, and he's two years younger than her oldest son. So that makes sense. He's two years younger than her. So if he's 27, she has a son that's 29. And I don't know why that was confusing me to say, I was really doubling down to you. I'm like, no. She... It's like, what am I crazy? I don't know. Y'all are like... He should be older. This show also... Did you feel weird about it at any point? No. It sure is. They're all adults. And they surely have to be on... Are they on there to find love or they're on there to become Instagram influence? I don't know. I mean, this guy was a software salesman, and she's a stylist. Well, maybe she wanted more clients, and so she went on this Netflix show.

9:25Oh. Well, if your parents went on this show... I don't know. I mean, maybe it could be fun. Maybe not. You could get a new friend. Yeah. Because they're gonna be your age. I will say if it was reversed in, like, the 54-year-old was a man, and the 27-year-old was a girl. I'd be way more creeped out. Yes. I think that happened, too, right? Sure. But this was the couple that got me to watch the show. Okay. Like, this is the couple that... You know, I don't know if it was reversed. I'd been like, yuck. I'm not watching. But instead, I was like intrigued. Like, I wonder if any couples got together that were like normal. Two that I watched, they seemed relatively the same age. She was definitely younger than him, but not by much. Like 30 years. It wasn't anything crazy. Or inappropriate. Yeah. Well, I just need to talk about that, because I was a little offended that you were too good for my shows, and then you were watching this. Right now.

10:25Well, I am feeling affirmed. Oh. And since I'm struggling with making sense today, this may not make sense at all. But I feel like it's affirmation, but a little bit of the placebo effect. Okay. Okay. Let me explain it to you, and then you tell me. Okay. So is that Pilates? And they were like, you... Good job, Amy. And you know, what's my love language? Exactly. So if I get affirmed during class, what do you think that does for me? I'm doing a good job. I'm going to work harder. Exactly. I'm a star Pilates princess. Right. I'm going to work. I'm coming back tomorrow. Watch. You thought my form was good there. Watch it now. And then we move on to a different move. And they're like, yeah, okay. Yes. Oh, that's it, Amy. And I'm like, okay. I got it again. Then throughout class, I mean, there was three or four times where I got called out. Well, then, you know, they give you wipes at the end of class to use your wipe your bed down.

11:27And then over by the trash can, you throw away the wipe. Well, normally, always on top of the trash can. Normally, always. That's... I think that's okay. Normally, always. I think that's contradicting. I didn't get any red flags. Normally, they have this sheet of every, all the beds in whose name is on each bed. So that the instructor knows. So probably so they can call people out and be like, good job, Amy. Nice form, Amy. Ooh, looking good, Amy. Guess how many Amy's were in my class? Oh, no. Three. Oh, no. Three? Amy's. So who knows when they were actually shouting me out? They should say, like, Amy. Amy. Right. Or Amy. Yeah, but they... No, they left it at Amy. Wait, that's funny. That instructor is really like, yes, I can only have to think about one name. Right. If I say Amy, I've nailed.

12:27You know, most of the class. Yeah, there's 14 beds total. Three of them are Amy. So I was really feeling good. And what's crazy is... Well, I say placebo is because some of those weren't even for me, but yet I felt... Did you have the urge to walk up to the instructor and say, like, so when you said, good job. No, it was me, right? Yeah. I think she would have been like, yeah, for sure. And then when I left, they would say something about me being a weirdo, but... So do you want some insider baseball on fitness instructors? Yeah, because Kat used to teach spin class to me. So I taught... Yeah, I taught spin, and we had... I had on my computer. I could see the... All the people in their names. And sometimes I would just open up that tab on my computer, because I also would play my music off my computer. And just call people's names out. But I didn't know who they were. Because it's nice... It is really nice and motivating to hear your name, regardless.

13:28However, I will say that sometimes I would do that. But when you know them, I would say good job, and I would mean it most of the time. Don't ruin this for me. I need to be affirmed at class. But I think this goes to the placebo of it. You're right. I'm not going to know. But now I'm going to know, oh, she's probably just saying the name. To motivate you, though. Yeah, that's how I like being told I'm doing good job. And it being like... Like I earned this. Yeah, like nice form. I need good technique. But I think if you say nice form, you need to be... I wouldn't say nice form to somebody if I wasn't looking at them. Because what if they're like sitting down at the time? Okay, I feel like at my studio... They take it seriously. I feel like... I'm picturing it. It's been class. It's like dark. You can't always see everybody, you know? Yeah, and I would... Again, I would always say nice form or something specific like that, if I could see them. I would always say like, I don't know, keep it up or something like that when it's dark

14:28and I can't see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's never fully dark in there. And I've never gotten to like just blink it. Like, keep it up, Amy. Keep it up, Cindy. You're like, I get like the actual like, I like the lunch with your right leg, Amy. Yes. Very good. Like, good extension, Amy. Do you know that instructor? Yeah. Okay. I mean, would define no. Like I've taken her class multiple times. You say hi. Like, she probably didn't say a lot. Yeah. Like, some I see more than others. Yeah. Like I was leaving the other day and one of my favorite instructors, her name is Nicole. She was like, oh, great job Amy. Per usual. And I was like, per usual. That's me. I was like, she thinks I did good. I wish it was good. I wish it was good. That's my usual. Yeah. That's my sometimes always. Yeah. Okay. Well, I'm glad that it felt good. It felt good to matter. It felt good, no matter what. It just made me think like there was something that Bobby said on the, the Bobby Bowen showed the other day. Some article I'm paraphrasing.

15:28Yeah. Don't have the scientific research with me at all whatsoever. But that, obviously, we know about the placebo effect. But sometimes even just taking a candy or a sugar pill or something before bed and acting as if it's some magic pill that's going to help you sleep will help you sleep. Really? I'm like, I'm going to start trying that. Yeah. Like, I got a pop a skittle and be like, I get it. Sleeping pills. Yes. I will say when you're, this is for me, and I feel like this is somewhat universal. When you're working out in a class like that and somebody says your name, it's coming to my mind. It's like you're feeling seen in that space and like they know you and you feel special. That is like a, I don't know, feeling that you can't make up somewhere. Like it's, what's the, the term I'm looking for when it doesn't, when you can't buy it with money. Tangible? Nope. No. When it's priceless. That's like a priceless feeling when you're like, oh, they know me here and they care about me here and they see me here versus like you go to a workout class like a, I don't know,

16:31this is how I felt in like big places like a soul cycle or something when there's like 75 people in the class. You feel like just like one of the, I don't know, millions and they don't really care if you're there. So it's very important. I'm glad that your instructor was calling out names. Yeah. Well, it's a big part of it where I go. They've generally been great at that. I really feel like it's why I decided to sign up even after the first time I went, you know, cat called me Pilates Princess a minute ago because when I first signed up at this place after my first class and they do this with every first time visitor, after you get done, you go to your locker and open up and they have put a card inside that says, congratulations, zero Pilates Princess. Like you did great. Good job. You're just feeling special and I was like, yeah, fine, I'll buy a year. When even if they do that to every single new person, it still means that they care about every single new person that comes in the door versus like, oh, who cares if they come back or not. Like we're fine. So I like your studio and I've never been there.

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21:42So whatever you need for your house, see if Wayfair has it. You need a spring refresh. Well, they've got outdoor furniture, patio decor, lighter bedding. You need help with the organization in your house? Well, they have closet systems, storage solutions, and garbage organizations. Whether your kids' spaces need some help, or maybe your home office, Wayfair has it easy to find exactly what works for you and your budget. And furniture decor and essentials that fit your unique style and budget had to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's w-a-y-f-a-i-r.com, Wayfair. Every style, every home. So you need to have other things that I love that you were talking about how you got some nice messages from people, and notes. We have some voicemails, and I love them. And they're for you. I'm nervous. So this is a little gift to you and the baby from our listeners. We have a voicemail from Linda, some people say where they're calling from. I don't know where Linda's calling from, just picture Linda in the world.

22:43Can I picture her like in Australia or something? Maybe because you know we're international. Yeah, we are. Okay, so, but I don't think she has an accent. But here's Linda. Cast having a baby. Cast having a baby. Yay! Congratulations! Just listening to the podcast and that was so exciting. I'm so happy for you. Love the show. That's sweet. That was so... Okay, to take your time out to send that message, and this is going to make you cry. Yeah. Is that your goal? Well, I think you're going to love this next one. Okay. This is from Kylie and she's in Alabama. Okay. Hello, my name's Kylie. This is in Alabama and I am feeling super excited because Kat and I are pregnant at like the same time because as of right now, 12 weeks pregnant, my baby is the size of a line. Have the day you need to have. Alive. And that means now her baby's the size of 11. Yeah, because last week you were alive. Alive. And this week I'm 11.

23:44My app said, because it gives you like different categories and the fruit category. I'm a lemon, but then it also said it was the size of a Pokemon card. And then it also said it was the size of a baby carrot. And a baby carrot and a lemon are very different. Very different. So I'm like, is it this big or is it this big? Isn't that crazy? Yeah. I need a new app maybe. I don't know. I don't know. That is really weird. We need more details about that for sure. So I'm going to go with lemon. We'll go with lemon, especially since we were with lime last week. So we'll just go with that. That would mean it got smaller if it's now a baby carrot. We have other voicemails, but I mean, you can play them all. So I got this one from Amber in Iowa. Hey, Amy and Kat, I just finished today's episode and number one, yes, I know Puma. Absolutely love him and his crew. I didn't know the name of the thing. No, I'm really bad at that. Can you continue doing check-ins with Kat? I'm so excited for you.

24:46Congratulations. I'm excited to watch you become a mom. Here, you become a mom both, I don't know. But it's fun. And I think Amy has perfect questions since she's never experienced that. And I'm also never experienced it that I wanted it when I was younger, but I dealt with the fact that it's not happening for me. Anyways, yeah, those are fun check-ins for as much as Kat is willing to share. It's fun to hear. You go through it. So, anyways, have a good day or have the day you need to have. This is Amber from Iowa. Thanks, buddy. That's sweet. So we've got to create little check-ins that we can do periodically, like, just be like, okay, you know, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, time for the baby, check in, Kat. Okay, but remember, we were told that our singing was annoying. We can get a jingle for it or something, like we can get an official jingle, like, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, du, du, du, du, for the baby, check in with Kat. Okay, that one's actually kind of cute. Well, I feel like I could do that live every time. It's quick, too.

25:47Like a du, do, do, do, do, do, du, do, do, du, du, du, du, to the time for the baby, check in with Kat. Woo! Okay. So the check-in today is that. Am I a lemon? Or a baby character here? Are there any other things you're experiencing, because I have something I could bring up, if you're not ready or prepared, I was about you though. Are my lugging hands? You're cheese, so? So yeah, I'm in this stage where I, I'm not like showing, but I am showing, if you know what I mean. Like I don't have a baby bump, but my stomach has expanded, so my clothes don't really fit, and I'm just in this weird in between. My jeans sometimes feel too tight, even though some of them I can still button. So I bought, I've never bought something from Halara before. Have you seen that on, you get the ads, we all get the ads, right? I don't know what you're talking about. You don't get Halara ads on your TikTok? Is it for maternity clothing? No, it's like, no, these aren't even maternity jeans. These are normal people jeans that are just really stretchy. They do like active wear, and I've never bought anything.

26:49Well, now that you're saying it, I'm sure I'll get the ads, you're welcome. Yeah, but they are literally leggings. They're so stretchy, you saw how far I stretched them. If they look like jeans, and the cut of them, they look a lot of times jaggings, like, jean leggings don't actually have the shape of jeans, but they do, and I love them, and I think they'll stretch with me for a while. So great purchase. They're very cute. They're really good about them. Your shirt is cute, is your shirt from Old Navy? New recent? I actually got this when I was doing my egg retrieval, because when you do the egg retrieval, your stomach looks pregnant, because your ovaries are so, what's the word? Swollen, I guess so. So I needed really baggy clothes, so I got a bunch of these. Don't ask for me for words earlier. You're looking for word priceless, and I was like, frugal? I don't know what I said, but I couldn't. It was like near the right word that you were looking for. Oh, tangible, tangible.

27:51You're like, what's the word? And I'm like, tangible money. You can't buy it with money? Tangible. Which you can't buy with money. Because I was looking at tangible, or something. Because something you can't touch, you tried. Whatever, I tried. So now you're like, what's the word? I'm like, I don't know, I'm assuming your ovaries are inflamed, swollen, enlarged. I guess enlarged. Why can't I think of the word that they would use? Juicy? The word you see. I looked more pregnant in the 10 days of my egg retrieval than I do now. It was crazy. That is crazy. So shout out to anybody who's going through that, because it is a, I mean, it's a mind game with your body image. So also, I do believe Old Navy is doing a half-off sale right now. Well, I might go on there and look for that shirt, because I love the green. Boyfriend cut Oxford is what it was. Well, it looks great with your stretchy jeans. I thought literally they were maternity, but you're saying they're just for anybody. Yeah.

28:51Yeah. What a shame. Because I hear that maternity jeans are people don't like them. That a lot of people are just wearing lower-cut jeans, which I don't know if I want to do that. Oh, I saw a girl at the other night, and she was full, belly out, like... Let's see tiny tank top with these low-rise, drawstring pants and her, like, she must have been eight or nine months along, like, giving birth any day. And it was interesting. I didn't have anything wrong, you know? But there was... You're like, I don't know that I would do that. I don't think I could do that. She looked adorable. Yeah. I didn't know I could do it. And then... Yeah. I feel that way. That's, like, the style now that people, like, their bump is an accessory. And I think it is so cute when I see people, because I get a lot of TikToks now that are about maternity style. And I'm like, okay, those outfits are so cute, but I'm not wearing a crop top with my belly out to work. Right. I can't do that. I just am more, I think, modest than that.

29:51And I'm not at the point now, or that I could do that anyway, because I don't have the bump. But it is... It's the thing. It's like, instead of a necklace, you have your baby bump. You know? Sure. Sure. Yeah. It's your accessory. It's... What was that rule? You have to have, like, seven things. Yeah. The rule of seven. The bump is one of the things. Yeah. Earrings, purse, jacket, hat, scarf, belt. Yeah. Baby bump. Baby bump. So Shannon has confirmed Old Navy is having a star right now, 50 percent online and in-store, but only till March 25th, so, like, one day. I was listening to this on Tuesday. You got till tomorrow, and then, yes, your ovaries were inflamed. She confirmed online. That is what it is. That's the official. There's a word that they use, though, but I'm thinking... Enlarged. Enlarged. Enflamed. I'm trying to think of the word, because they were... Maybe it's stimulated. It's because they're stimulating your follicles. So, all of...

30:52So, then they want them to be a certain size, and once they get to a be a certain size, then you have the retrieval, and they go, and then they suck them out. Yeah. That makes sense. Which also shout out, Amber, for knowing Puma? Yeah. Crazy. Love that. Wait. That means she's seen the videos of Puma and... Or since she knows him. Apple, Gate, or Apple. Whatever the landscaping company is that he works for. Yeah. Because they're TikTok and Instagram famous. They obviously have a following, because they make fun videos while they're at work. And Puma, he's just so cute. I swear to you, if I see him, I will be like, Puma! And Amber knows Puma too. So cool. This is something that came up in my therapy session the other day, and then I saw shrink chicks post about knowing if you can trust yourself, like if you're feeling like you can't, or maybe you once could, and you feel like you've lost trust in yourself,

31:52they shared a long list of small ways you can build that trust back. But I pulled five of my favorite from the list, and then put my own little twist on them after something that came up in therapy, because my therapist was challenging me with something I could do to support myself a little bit in that moment. What's one little thing you can do to support yourself? So that might be, for example, going on a walk. Can you get up if I'm feeling in a certain way? She was also celebrating and acknowledging that my window of tolerance, but my window of, let's say I go off the rails and do a behavior that isn't an alignment with who I want to be now. But it's like, I thought I evolved from that, right? Why am I having this thought, or why did I have that behavior, or why did I do that, or why did I snap,

32:53or why was that my reaction, or why did I react and not take time to respond? But I recover more quickly, and so she said that my window of recovery is getting smaller, which is great. She's like, that's what we want in therapy. We want you to have that awareness and then you come back to self. Because we're going to mess up. You're a race, like you're human, doesn't mean you're going to always, okay, now that you've decided, this is who you are and how you're going to be, that you just, that's the path you stay on. And I told her that I had a moment, but I self corrected, faster than ever before, and she was like, oh, let's celebrate that because your window of recovery is becoming more narrow, which is what we want. Because some days sometimes, who knows, you may not even be aware of how you acted or what you did for like a week, or a month, or you may stay in, because you did it, you might be like, oh, well, and you may stay in that behavior for, or that slump, or whatever you want to call it, for a week, a month, or however long, when if you want a course correct.

33:53Anyway, so we were celebrating that, and then I was just like, well, now I feel like I've lost a little bit of trust in myself, and how do I know I can take care of myself? She's like, well, that's one example, but she's like, what are some little things that you can do for yourself that will support you in those moments if you're having some of those thoughts? And she was like, going outside, getting fresh air, practicing whimsy. Like when we wanted to be more playful, do I need to take a nap? Do I need to eat something? Do I need to drink something? Water, probably. Not like drinking something else. So then, it reminded me of something that the shrink chicks put up, and it's pretty much, if you're not sure, you can trust yourself anymore. These are some ways that you can, and that's one of them, to ask yourself, what would feel just a little more supportive right now, just small shifts like that are more than you think? What would be one for you if you were feeling off, like what's something you know you could go do for yourself that might feel supportive to you in the moment? The first thing that I came to mind was take a shower,

34:55but you can't always do that. I know, so do not underestimate watching your hair too. Yeah, today was a hair wash day. I felt really good. When I can't do that, when I can't go, because I like that reset, I'll do like an ice roller that feels like soothing, you know? Or, I mean, drinking a cold glass of water, something that feels like, yeah, soothing and good to you. One of the examples from shrink chicks was stop rushing yourself back to fine, because sometimes we want to, even though I was celebrating that I, of course, corrected more quickly, I probably need to give myself space because sometimes that might not always be the case. Or if I'm in a rut or grieving something, like, oh, I need to feel better by this point. You don't need to necessarily rush. That, we need to trust that we're going at the pace that is good for us. Another thing was paying attention to what your body is telling you, like if you're tired, hungry, tense,

35:55all of those things are signals. Your body's communicating something to you, so start listening and paying attention, and then acting on it and be like, oh, yeah, I ate and I felt better, so I can't trust myself. Or I drink water, I felt better. I took a nap and then I felt better like that. Except for my naps can't go too long. I'm not a big napper anyways, but if I do nap and it's too long of a nap, then it's a problem. But there's like a sweet spot for me. It's going to be less than 30 minutes. Why, how long are your naps? Well, that's a cat nap. This is also not really fair because I just went through a trimester one of pregnancy and I was taking like two hour naps every day. That is not normal for me. So I don't know. I think a good nap is like 45 minutes to an hour. Really? Yeah. Interesting. By the time, if it's 30 minutes, I've just fallen asleep and I'm back up. And don't ask me, I'm not really that big of a napper.

36:57Give yourself permission to change your mind as another thing, because changing your mind is evolving. That's wisdom. Don't beat yourself up for it. You're allowed to change your mind. I feel like that's something that gets people twisted in trusting themselves. When they're like, well, I now believe this, or I now know this, or I now would do this. And so then they're like, how do I even know that's right? Because I used to think this. That's not fair. Like you said, it's natural to evolve as we gain more wisdom. We allow ourselves to change our minds. That should build more trust. Knowing that I'm flexible when I gain more information versus I can't trust myself because I once thought this thing. I feel like online isn't necessarily making it easy for some people to change their mind. Like if someone opens up and is sharing, like, oh, I was wrong about this. There's so many comments. And these are trolls. So you should not listen to them anyways. But it's hard to ignore when someone's like,

37:57trying to publicly say, hey, I know, but now I'm thinking, instead of being like, oh, cool. Like, way to evolve and do some critical thinking. And whatever. Instead of saying, well, you were part of this problem to begin with. So now, you know, it's like, wait, that's not very old. We should celebrate that. Welcoming to. It's all, yeah, it's like, is that our job is to hold them accountable for those things or. Yeah, no. And then it's, so then it's difficult for them to be like, oh, well, I guess I'm not allowed to change my mind, but you are. Give yourself permission to change your mind. And then the final thing is follow through on one small thing you promised yourself each day. So this doesn't have to be anything crazy. It can be something manageable. You know, like I mentioned, water. It can be like, okay, I want to drink six cups of water today. Follow through on that for yourself. And then you'd be like, okay, I can trust myself. Or I want to go to bed tonight at 9.30 p.m. We'll get in bed at 9.20 so that you're, you know,

38:59do little things to show yourself. You mean what you say. Yeah. I think what happens a lot of times when people want to make a change is they want to make all the changes at once because you're motivated, but that's not possible. So then that backfires because you're not going to do all of that stuff. And so then it's like, well, never change versus like what you're saying. If I start with like this week, I'm going to go to bed at 9.30 p.m. three times. Like you can do that. But you can't go to bed at 9 p.m. every night, drink 17 glasses of water, cook all your meals at home, make sure that your gas has, your car has gas in it before it's time to leave to go somewhere. Do all your laundry. Like you can't do all of that stuff. This, that if you're going to change it at once, it's going to get overwhelming. Yeah. Have I told you my gas thing that I'm doing my little reward? Yes. I feel like I talked about it on the hot gas. Yes, but now I can't remember what it was. You would love it. What is it?

39:59You don't remember? Try to gas. Okay. I give myself, picture me at a gas station. If you give myself a treat, if you fill up your gas before you get three quarters, a quarter, a quarter, then you can get a diet coke. Yes. Okay. Yeah. I did it. You did it. From the fountain. No, I just get a bottle. A bottle? Or a can? The bottle is the worst kind of diet coke. Listen, I don't know that I trust the ice at the fountain. Huh. That that's... I've never been worried about that. I mean... No, I... But I mean, now go to a restaurant and get it for an instant. It's disgusting. It's different a little bit. Maybe. Maybe not. The health code standards. Are they different? We're not standards, but I bet that like Chick-fil-A has a higher health code score than your local exon. The gas station? Yeah, I don't know. But I just go in and get, yeah, either a tall boy can or the screw top.

41:00I like the screw top because that'll last me a few days because I can put the lid back on and I keep it in my fridge. But you don't go home and pour it into a cup with ice. No, I'll just take a few sips in the car. It's... I get your point. It's not the same. Fountain through all the way. Fountain Diet Coke. Can Diet Coke. Then bottle. Yeah, but you're right. If you have a can, you have to drink it all then. Right. Because you can't... If you've got the bottle. So anyway, that's... Sorry, I'm not sure. So I'm going to mess with your reward. That's really great. So it's like... If you struggle with getting gas. Because I am a... Get gas when my car says... Refuel immediately. So my car goes... Empty or like close to getting empty. And then it'll send me a message on the dashboard that says, please refuel. And then it will go refuel immediately. And that's normally when I get gas. But... As of the last six months or so, I have been going... And if I get there and I still have a quarter of a tank left, I get my Diet Coke treat.

42:00Have you ever ran out of gas on the road? Yes. Recently. No. Was this a teenage thing? Yes. Okay. That's appropriate. But I mean, I've been close. Yeah. And it's not... People always love this in messages. Because when I'm like, oh, I'm on it, please refuel. I'm like, oh. Instagram. I kind of know why that's something. I'm a daredevil. I'm so edgy. I don't know. That's why that's... One of my most viral videos ever has to do with the gas tank. I think it has over 11 million views. Well, that's like kind of rage bait, don't you think? Why? When you post a picture and you're like, have negative, that gets people riled up. Well, I did like a video where I... I did... Like, I married my video up with another girl's video from TikTok. I can't remember her name. But I gave her credit in the video. It wasn't like just like... Oh. But I pulled her video. Like, she says... She said in her video, do you know why I keep my gas tank on E? And she's like, because if anybody gets in my car, and puts a gun to my head and is like, just drive,

43:02she's like, where am I gonna drive? Besides to the gas station. So that I can get out of my car and run. Yeah. And so I did a little like, stitch video with her where I was like, anytime I'm nearing empty, I think of this woman. And then I played her clip. Because it's like, do I really want to get gas? Because what if I get taken? And then I'm like, well, sorry, we're going to need to go to the gas station. Having gas in your car essentially could end your life. Exactly. They could drive all the way to the country. A rural part. Yes. And then you're really... And then you're in the middle of the nowhere. Yeah. I think about that a lot when I'm in the land. Like, if I'm somewhere, like if I'm driving where there's lots of land or looking at homes that have lots of land. You're like, I could die here. No, I don't think I could die. I think are there bodies there? I wouldn't know. And then you know, I don't know if this is on your algorithm, but a lot of bunker stuff is showing up on my algorithm.

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47:03Visit USPS.com slash ground advantage to start shipping with confidence. USPS ground advantage. So I've gone to therapy for a really long time. But there have been seasons where I go a few months here and there and then I start making excuses like, well, do I really need it? It's kind of expensive. Do I really have enough time to do therapy this week? Or, and then it just snowballs and then weeks have passed. And then I get back in and I'm like, oh, why did I ever stop coming? This is so helpful. And maybe you've avoided therapy yourself or you know someone else who has. And they have fear of all those things or they worry about finding the right therapist. Well, I want you to check out RULA because it makes accessing quality mental health care affordable with sessions costing and average of $15 with insurance. And you can sign up and find a great therapist in as little as five minutes. RULA works with your insurance company too to offer personalized cost estimates up front, no hidden fees. Appointments are available as soon as the next day.

48:03And RULA can truly help you feel better. That's what therapy has done for me. 93% of patients through RULA report symptom improvements. So head to RULA.com. That's RULA.com to find a therapist the easy way. I don't know if this is on your algorithm, but a lot of bunker stuff is showing up on my algorithm of people who built underground bunkers. We're very different. And I strongly believe anybody that is building an underground bunker needs a background check. Why? Because now you're telling me you have this very discreet container under in your backyard that has this hidden trap door with all these living amenities where they could totally live life down there. You could be hiding somebody. That's fair. I was thinking I need to find a friend that has a bunker just in case. Yeah, same. I don't know anybody. So are the people that are doing bunkers?

49:04Are they kind of trying to keep them on the deal? Because if they need it, they don't want people to know. Because they don't want them all up in their bunker. Showing up like, hey, I know you have a bunker. Yeah. And then it's like one more amount of feed. One more person to sleep in the cut. Yeah, I don't have this on my algorithm now. Really? I wonder, is it because you're watching Paradise? I got intrigued because this one bunker guy popped up my feed who's built them for all the billionaires, like Zuckerberg and everybody else. Okay. That brings up a whole other. I don't know why I got so. But you had a visceral reaction. Yes. Like, are you sweating? Kat just got up. My palms are getting wet. For some reason, billionaire and bunker freaks me out. Because they already get away with so much stuff because they have billions of dollars. Yes. Yeah. But I'm like, they don't get to have a bunker because they could be doing, if somebody's going to do something

50:05with a bunker, I feel like it's going to be that. That's very judgmental. And I acknowledge that. And I will work on that. And that is how I feel right now. Well, I don't know if this is true or not, because again, it was just in my algorithm. But there apparently is some secret Paradise-esque type bunker situation that all the wealthy people have. I'm not talking about Zuckerberg. I'm talking about just maybe not billionaires, but maybe they're multi-multimillionaires. And there's this community of where they will go. No. But as should they need to, they bought in. And it exists somewhere. It's like a club. In America. Yeah. Like a prestigious club that you can get into, hold your slot. I mean, Ronald, what a racket. We like, oh, yeah. To all these people with money, you just act like you have this like... Like how they see a bunker. Let's hope so. Because they're wise with their money, obviously, most people that wealthy don't just have the wealth

51:08because they're buying bunkers, side unseen, unless they've just been gifted that money through, you know, inheritance. Yeah. Which they could still be wise with their money. But okay, is that on your algorithm that you're seeing that? Because I've never heard this. Okay. Yeah. That's why I don't choose. Also, Switzerland, I believe. I talked about this on the Bobby Bohn show. I think they have a shelter for everyone in their population. Well, how big is your pocket? Well, I don't know exactly, but still to have something... What's that? ...and then some. And they have extra space. But it's required, like, they have somewhere safe for everybody to go. Shelter. Bunker-type situation. Underground. Yeah. In the ground. In the ground. Under the ground. It's the difference. No. In the ground. Not underground. So here it is. Switzerland has a vast network of nuclear, hardened shelters and bunkers capable of housing its entire population of over 9 million people.

52:10What's the population of, you know, I'm safe? Way more than that. Shannon's gonna look it up. Should we move to Switzerland? I'm thinking maybe we should just cause. They seem... Happy. Neutral. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what they're looking for. To them for being neutral and positive. I mean, they have a plus sign on their flag. What's... What's the cuisine of Switzerland? That would be a... We have in the U.S., we have 342 million. Okay. That is a little different. That's crazy. Yeah. Okay. So I'll... I would consider Switzerland, but I don't... I don't think, like, I want to go on vacation there to try their food. What? Because what is their food? Well, we're gonna look that up. Okay. What is it like? Well, Shannon's looking up Swiss cuisine. What do they have Swiss cheese? I don't like Swiss cheese. But I do... Is that a pretzel? I know that's like a German thing, but is that just like... A soft pretzel? Yeah. Or like a Wienerschnitzel? You just wanted to say that.

53:12I did. Okay. Okay. Well, Shannon already found it. So we'll do the other thing in a second. Popular Swiss cuisine is divided by a hearty alpine-influenced dishes featuring generous amounts of cheese potatoes and bread. I'm in. Okay. I can do that. Yeah. I can do it. I'll move. Let's go. Two more bunkers. We're going. Population nine million plus two more. Oh, wait. And Kat, and you're having a baby. I have to bring my husband. Yeah. I can't take the baby. That's kidnapping if you take it away from the father. Well, he can come too. Yeah. I have other ways of being. I came across four Victorian-inspired phrases for dealing with men. And these just made me laugh. Okay. Did you watch Bridgerton? No. I know. I know. I know I love Gilded Age. I didn't watch any of those like old and day shows. And I don't know why. Part of it is I have a hard time understanding what they're saying. Really? Well, I'm going to speak like that. They'll tell me like I was.

54:12Well, because it's not. Really? That is not what I did. I just felt like really? Because it's not like it's some crazy accent that's like, or you could just put the subtitles on? Like, would that help? I never have tried. I just remember watching the, what was it? The crown. The crown? That was hard to follow for me. Right. You're like, yeah. Again, you're never smart. Okay. So this is just formal. Okay. Speaking. Victorian, you know, proper. So if your man is talking to you in a condescending way, this is what you can say to him. You appear most committed to the sound of your own voice. Isn't that cute? Yeah. I'll say that to Patrick. But you just say it with it. You make an English accent. I just feel like it's like proper. Yeah. But okay. You appear most committed to the sound of your own voice. You know what I've been looking up? Because I'm watching a show that is,

55:14we have to have the subtitles on. It's broad church. It's in England. I'm pretty sure. And you can't, like, some of the, some of the words, we don't have that word. Like, they're just, they, the way they say things are, it's just, everything is either cuter or sweeter, or like, meaner. Like, maybe because it's not my language, but I'm envious of it. Do you know the happiest language? This is just from the dome. Don't quote me because maybe research has changed. I guess. Yeah. I'll show you. No. No, that's in English. Spanish. Ah. It's like the happiest, like, you know. Yeah. Yeah. I can, I see that. Yeah. And the angriest, I feel like, would be German. Yeah. Or Russian. It freaks me out. Maybe because those places are both freaky, I wonder. I feel like German, the way they have to talk, they have to be so, like, direct. Yeah. The words, you have to say them so, like, oh. Yeah. Okay. Okay. When your man is defensive, your fragility is most revealing.

56:15I feel like that might make him more defensive. When he won't apologize, accountability appears beyond your current capacity. Now, I feel like it turned into a Southern bell. Accountability appears to be beyond your current capacity. You're good at that. Who is the girl from White Lotus? What would she say? What would she say? Oh, we love talking like a tsunami. I've never been watched that, but I knew that. And there was another thing she would say. What's her name, Parker Posey? I think that's the actress. She's her name in the show. No. I think it's her real name. And she was fabulous as that character. The final one. When you're done dealing with his... Oh, wait. Hold on. I have another one for when he won't apologize. Sorry. There's two options. This conversation has reached its natural demise. That sounds like a robot. This conversation has reached its natural demise. I started to lost my... I'm so bloated.

57:16I started to lost my Victorian era when I mixed with Southern Bell. This conversation has reached its natural demise. Okay. When you're done dealing with his BS, I have two options for you. I take my leave of this foolishness. You may continue alone. That's a good one. You may continue alone. But that still sounds to me like a robot. You may continue alone. Goodbye. You may continue alone. Yes. Mandarin, Chinese, German, Arabic, Russian, and Korean are frequently cited as sounding the most aggressive. When they really... They could be saying something so sweet and nice, but it just sounds a little more... I like listening to people speak Mandarin. We're a Spanish veteran. Yeah, they have more like... Sass. We calliente. Arriba. I wish I had really paid more attention in Spanish. Spanish was ranked number one,

58:16followed by Portuguese, English, Indonesian, and French. If I could speak French, I've never even been to Paris. But I'm going to go there and have a croissant. I feel like French is not my favorite language. What? It feels... Italian, I feel like it was very, very pretty. Give me some Italian, because I can't. Like, I can't. I can't go. That's it. Parmesan. Valinese. Pasta. Primavera. Oh, madame. Okay, okay. Yeah, I don't know. I can't say a sentence. I know a couple words and I know a curse word. And that's about it. You can say a curse word. Which one? Well, I don't know if it's an actual... Well, now I'm blanking on it. It's something my grandma always says. I don't know that it's...

59:17It's what? I don't have never heard that. My camera was, but it meant... You look... It was something you'd say if you look like a mess. And the translation is, you look like a cat sprayed across the wall. Splattered on the wall. A cat splattered on the wall? Yes, that was like the English translation, but it meant like you look like a mess. But I can't... That's not helpful, because I don't remember what it is. Sorry. I remember when I went to Africa, if they wanted to compliment your outfit, they would say you looked smart. Ooh, thank you. That means I get things... That was a word, or they just thought that smart man. That's how they said, like, oh, beautiful. It was smart, or like you look nice. Smart. But I don't know, that wasn't... What did they speak in Kenya? You want to know a fun fact about Italian, that I learned when we went. I think it was 2021. Swahili. Duh. Tangible. So...

1:00:18I don't know that my brain is working this episode, so I'm sorry. That's okay. That makes it better. It's priceless. So when Italian, you learn Italian, just because you learn Italian doesn't mean you can go to Italy and speak Italian everywhere, because every single little city or suburb or whatever has a different dialect. And so when we were in Cortona, we went and did this cooking class, and we were talking to the people that live there. Like if you go one town over, that's why Italians talk with their hands so much, because the word that I might use for road might be a different word that they use for road. So we talk with our hands to explain things so we can understand each other. So learning Italian in high school, or if you take an Italian class, doesn't mean that you're going to be understood in certain areas, or that you'll understand certain areas. And I thought that was so interesting, because English is here, it's just English. I mean, there might be like slang words, but I mean,

1:01:18we would say like pop, coke, soda, pop. Yeah, but we would all understand that. Highway road. Some people say freeway. But we understand what that, if somebody were to come and say freeway, we would understand what that meant. I also talk with my hands a lot. Well, maybe it's just part of my, no, I believe I'm Irish. Oh, yeah. I end up on a friendly or a aggressive list, the language. Don't Irish people speak English? Yeah, Ireland. I think they speak English. I mean, I couldn't be wrong, but... But their accent is very different. Yes, oh, oh, oh, oh. Can you do an Irish accent? I just did. No. Oh, man, I did. Ireland. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ireland. I'm from Ireland. They say like...

1:02:18Do you want to burr? Do you want to burr? Do you want to burr? The perk or the girdon? The perk or the girdon? Instead of... I've watched a video trying to learn the accent of Irish because I feel like that's such a fun accent. That in Australian, but it's so hard. They say, would you like to go to the perk or the girdon? Yeah, the perk or the girdon. Okay. Yes. Talking like this, I don't know if I'm better at this because my sister and I did that so much growing up when we would say, oh, sister, I don't know. Do you know where father is? We talk like this all the time. So natural. We'd like go order our food and public this way. People were like, uh, somebody calls some help. Right. I thought of the curse word. Well, if it's in another language, it's fine. It's fungle, which means I think the effort. So my grandma could say that, and it's not like she was cussing because I didn't know it. Right.

1:03:18The more you know, I could be wrong though, so fact check me. Or don't. Or just let me live in the perk or the girdon. Live your lives. Speak how you want it. Do your thing. Okay. And try to say something else for the Irish accent. It's very difficult. Try to say, do you want? Nookie charm. Nookie charm. Wait, what is it that's slogan? They're after me. They're after me lucky terms. They're after me lucky terms. Okay. Yeah. I guess that's all I got. Say, do you want to go to lunch? Think about how you want to go to lunch. Think about how hard it is for actors. I don't know how they do it. How do they do it? I think it's like a gift. Yeah. Obviously one we don't have. Like people that can sing or dance.

1:04:18Impressions are, some people are so good at impressions. I mean. Yeah. It's crazy. Like sometimes my algorithm will get on impressions with different people. There's this one girl that does a Claire Danes impression that is just so spot on. That's such a random impression too. Like the other day I thought it literally was Claire Danes. And then I was like, oh no, no. This is that girl that impersonates her. That's crazy. And then this one guy was doing Obama. But it was like a white guy. So you knew it wasn't Obama. Obviously. Yeah. But it was perfect. The pause is like it wasn't just the words. It was like the pause. Yeah. Like it was everything which is perfect. And like Eddie, on the Bobbie One Show, he can do really good impressions of like Luke Bryan. Um. And that just like contracts. No, he really sounds like Luke. And then it's not just like, oh, I'm Luke Bryan.

1:05:20Like he really sounds like him. And then we're like, uh, Disney characters and stuff. Like he couldn't like goofy. People can sound like those characters. It's crazy. I don't have that gift. So I'm trying to figure out my gift. I was going to say that could be something you learn in like improv. No, I don't know. I think it's like again, I couldn't learn how to sing it improv. Yeah, but you might learn how to do impressions. I don't know. I think the only one I have is Russian. Russian cister. That's like mediocre at best. Yeah. Um, okay, well, there you go. Yeah, that was fun. Okay, well, um, we hope wherever you are, that you have the day, you need to have. Bye. Bye. Your body needs protein, especially pre-imposed workout. And if you're trying to eat more plant forward and less meat, you might want to consider garden of life

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