FEELING THINGS - A Surprising Silver Lining + Chasing More Money at Work (Couch Talks)

0:00This is an I Heart Podcast. Guaranteed Human. Support for this podcast is brought to you by Walden University. Ever catch yourself thinking, what if I could go after what I actually want and really make a difference? Well, you are not alone, and that's exactly why I want to tell you about Walden University. For over 50 years, Walden has helped working adults like you get the W, with the knowledge and skills to build the future you want and create meaningful change. If you've been waiting for the right moment, this is it. Head to WaldenU.edu and take that first step. Walden University. Set a course for Change. Certified to operate by Chef. When it comes to therapy, you might be one of the many. That tries to talk yourself out of it. I've even been there. There's thoughts like, oh, this is too expensive. Or, what if it doesn't even work? And where do I even start if you've never even gone to therapy? Well, I'm here to tell you it doesn't have to be this way. Getting help with RULA is easier than talking yourself out of it. RULA simplifies all of it.

1:01You can sign up in just a few minutes, get matched, see your cost, and even book an appointment as soon as the next day. So instead of overthinking it, you can actually take the first step. Now RULA makes accessing quality mental health care affordable with sessions, costing an average of $15 with insurance. They accept over 120 different insurance plans nationwide, by the way. And RULA offers personalized cost estimates up front with no hidden fees, which is so amazing. You can sign up and find a great therapist in as little as five minutes, and appointments are available as soon as the next day. If you're ready to stop talking yourself out of finding care and making progress, then head to RULA.com. That's RULA.com and take the first step. Back to school season always feels like a fresh start, not just for kids, but for all of us. It's a great reminder to create new routines and find meaningful ways to connect with our family, friends, and community. Hasbro games make it easy to gather around the table. Put the screens away, share some laughs, and create joyful memories together.

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3:06Think about it. United Healthcare employees need the healthcare system just like we do. They're real people who want real connection when it matters most. They get it. And it's why they support people with genuine care and are helping make healthcare simpler. Learn more at how United Healthcare is committed to care at uhc.com slash care. While we hope couch talks can be a tool that helps and supports wherever you are in life, couch talks does not serve as a replacement or substitute for therapy or any mental health services. This is Feeling Thanks with Amy and Kat.

4:08Happy Thursday. Welcome to a couch talks our Q&A episode to the Feeling Things podcast. I'm Amy and I'm Kat. And we're going to kick things off with a voicemail that is in response to a previous episode where we had a listener asking us how to accept that your abusive ex has now seemingly moved on and living this happy life. And you're left picking up the pieces and they just get to like move on. And someone felt like they wanted to call and offer some encouragement to that listener, which I love. And she says a couple of times in the clip, we don't have to play the voicemail. And I don't know if that's because I feel like if she wanted to remain anonymous or she didn't want her voice, she would say specifically don't play it or if she felt like, I don't really know if this is going to be helpful. You don't you don't have to play it. But somehow can you pass this along? But I think that this encouragement could be good for a lot of people to hear. So we're just going to play it.

5:08Even though you're going to hear her say you don't have to play it because Kat and I were listening to her like, this is so good. We've got to play it. So that's what we're going to do. She I believe she is anonymous herself though. We just have her voice, right? Like she tells us her name where she's from just kidding. Well, the file is saved as anonymous negative attention off of you. Oh, well. She doesn't say anonymous in the voice. But we'll leave it except for she I don't know. Now I'm getting worried. I think that might be just what it was labeled as. I think but why label is that she didn't label it that I know, but I'm just making sure we have all the right. We don't want what to happen with sweetie to happen again. I know. Well, you have to use the voice changer. This is something if you can't tell Kat and I really get worked up about whether or not we're respecting y'all's privacy. Or not. Well, imagine if you think somebody is going to it's like getting exposed. Yeah, I would feel responsible.

6:09I would be responsible. Let's just how about we do this to be safe. We'll have a beeper name out. Yes. And so we'll be tough. Yeah. So we'll beep the name. Okay, here it is. Hey, this is from Virginia Beach. And you don't have to play this. But I did want to offer this perspective where the listener that I'm going to be. The listener that wrote in about her ex boyfriend being really abusive. And that she had a daughter with him and now she's saying that he's moved on and seeing a committed relationship. I just want to offer this perspective. I was married before now. And during my divorce. My now ex has been got a girlfriend. And that was really hurtful. But as time went on, I realized what a gift it was to me that he had that girlfriend because. It took his attention off of me and the attention he was giving me was negative. And so it was like it shifted his perspective and his attention to her.

7:10And so now I'm so grateful for her because it took his attention off of me. Her full as it is. I really hope this means he. The negative attention that he put on you like now it's shifted. And hopefully he's not doing it to that girl. But now at least it's also you and your daughter. And so that new relationship could be in your favor. It kind of sounds selfish me saying that. But that's kind of how I saw it and how I see it now. And I'm so grateful for that. And so I hope one day she'll get there. And I hope you guys have the day you need to have. I thought that was very helpful. And so it's giving a new filter to that that listener that originally wrote in or any other listener that might be in a similar situation. You have a new lens to look through. Thanks to the other listener and her perspective and her story and her sharing that.

8:11Yeah. And my only thought because we don't know. I think that's why I think about this. Callers relationship and why they didn't work out. My only thought is I would be a little hesitant to I would be glad the attention is taken off me. But I wouldn't want another person to be in that situation either. So if that's the attitude I would take, I would say I hope he did change. So he's not doing that to somebody else. And his attention is off of me. Yeah, of course. She said like this feels selfish to say and we hope that she's not doing any it to the next girl. The reality is you won't ever know that. Yeah. But it's not your problem anymore. Yeah. So wipe your hands with it. Just set you to the trial with that person. Yeah. So thank you for that encouragement and insight. Yeah. Moving on to a new topic for today's episode. This is an email that we got.

9:11The subject is do I leave a great boss for more money? Hi, Amy and Kat. I need help with the work decision that I feel like should be way easier than it is. I currently have a job that I genuinely like. The pay is good. The work is fine. And most importantly, I have an amazing boss. She trusts me. Respects my boundaries is incredibly supportive and has created a work environment where I don't feel guilty for having a life outside of work. I know how rare that is and I feel very lucky. But I recently got an offer for another job that would pay me quite a bit more money. Enough that would make a meaningful difference in my life and allow me to save more, travel more, etc. The problem is that I have no idea what the new company or boss would actually be like. During the interview process, everything seemed great, but obviously everyone is on their best behavior during an interview. I'm worried that I could leave a job I love for more money and end up with a boss who constantly text me at night, expects me to work weekends or makes me miserable. I also feel weirdly guilty about leaving my current boss.

10:14She has been so good to me and part of me feels like I'm betraying her by taking another job. I know logically that she would probably understand, but emotionally I'm having a hard time with it. So how do you decide when a significant pain increases worth giving up something you already know is good? Am I being ridiculous for letting my relationship with my boss factor this heavy into a career decision? Erin, 32 North Carolina. This is a toughy. I would start with that main question of am I being ridiculous for letting my relationship with my boss factor this heavily into a career decision? Because that one I feel is the easiest part to answer. No, you're not being ridiculous. You like your boss and you care about her and you don't want to leave someone that's been really good to you. And it's a career decision. She's not going to take it personally. If she does to an extent, then that's probably unhealthy relationship with her employee.

11:16As a boss, I would want my people working under me to spread their wings fly. I would want them to have an opportunity. I want them to go for it, especially if they could make more money and it would make meaningful change and impact in their life. So no, you're not being ridiculous. And yes, you're also being ridiculous. If you actually, if that's one of the reasons why you don't take the job. Well, I had two thoughts on that. One, your boss could also leave at any point. Unless she owns the company, I imagine your boss could also, who knows? So you don't want to put too much energy into that because if you stay for your boss, is your boss going to stay in that job for you? And then also it made me think of when I left a job years ago, I was like sick about telling my boss. Because I felt it was my first job out of grad school. And I felt like the people there put so much into me and literally made me into the therapist I was and took me from nothing.

12:24And so I felt indebted to them almost. And when I finally did tell my boss, I told her, I was like, I feel really guilty that you guys have done so much for me and I'm leaving. And now you're going to be stuck with having to pick up the pieces of me not being here. And that's a lot of work. And she looked at me and she was like, that is quite literally what my job is. My job is to hire people when there's job openings and trying the people that work here. So you don't have to feel bad for me having to do my job. You did your job, you were paid for your job and now you're going to leave and have a different job. And then gave the same sentiment of like, if this is going to make your life better, we want that for you. And I, it was so simple, but I was like, oh, like. I don't have to feel bad for you doing your job. Yeah, that's great. Like, oh, this is. That sounds like a healthy response. Yes. And of course, I was sad and they were sad for, like, I wasn't sad because I was not going to be working there because I didn't want to have that job anymore.

13:27But I was going to miss the people and the culture and all that. But just because something sad doesn't mean that you have to, it's saying stay there. It just is like, that was served a really good purpose in my life for a time. And I would say to this person, I'm not in your situation. So it's easier said than done. But if something, you just think about what's more important to you. If this is going to change, possibly like actually make change in your life. And it's going to grow you. Then. And that's important to you. Then I would go with that. Also, can you tell your. Current company. I'm no negotiator. And make sure there isn't anything they can do before you leave. For salary or a raise promotion. So I don't know how to do that. Yeah, like if I know some places will do that. They don't want you to leave. And so they have the capability and resources to offer you something to stay.

14:27So I would explore that before. Making a decision if that feels like a safe thing to do. I would also challenge yourself because I could see where making a move is scary. And now this is an requirement you sitting down and really being honest with yourself that if. If clinging to your. Safe, nice, sweet, kind, awesome boss. Is a way to also not step into the unknown, which can be really scary. And then you miss out on. Not only more pay, which you said would. It's significant enough to change your life. You could miss out on more growth and opportunities and experience and co-workers and networking. And sure everybody's great at the interview on their bet. They're on their best behavior. But I feel like you could make if you didn't pick up on any weirdness. Some people can be tricky. Some people are charmers, you know. I really appreciated one job I had.

15:27They made me go meet with like three different people that worked there. And one person, they called it like dating. The company. They did. They called this part of the interview process dating. So when I first, sure HR already changed that way. Well, I will say I didn't stay at this place very long. But it's all risky. He said that there was like different stages. And I want to say this is the. Is it doing stage this comes? I feel like from Dave Ramsey. I think that he does something similar like a courting. Well, I don't know if I was courting them or they were courting me. I don't know. But it was like the first time I met with the owner, it was something. And then he was like, I want you to date the company and meet with a couple of people. And then when I had done that, then I met with him again. And he was like, now we're engaged. What? I honestly never thought it was as weird as it is until I'm saying it right now.

16:27So my point in bringing that up is. I liked that they had me do that because I got different people's perspectives. And I got to meet people that weren't like in what you would call like the sea suite of the company. They were just other therapists or other people that were on my level that had been there longer. And and one of the meetings, if I would have been more introspective, I was really young. And so if I would have been more introspective, I would have been like, I'm reading between the lines. She said a couple things about the management of this place that I thought were jokes. I thought she was just comfortable with me and was making jokes. But then looking back, she wasn't. No, I'm like, oh, you were kind of letting me see through the cracks.

17:30I'm like, oh, you were kind of letting me see through the cracks. And I just didn't take the bait. And then I actually quit because of some of those not because of what she said, but like it aligned what she said. And what I discovered after working there, I was like, I gotta get out of here. She wasn't kidding. And she left maybe a year after I left. All right. So I just googled the interview process that's allegedly. So this is a thing for the Dave Ramsey thing that you're talking about. It's a spousal interview concept. Dave Ramsey emphasizes the importance of a spousal interview during the hiring process. This unique approach involves both the candidate. Oh, wait, this is totally different. Okay. Yeah. Okay. And their spouse meeting with the hiring manager. The goal is to create a more relaxed environment for evaluation, allowing both parties to assess capability. Wait, what does your spouse have to do with any of this?

18:30So, okay. I thought you were just acting like you're you're gonna be spouses. You know, like you're getting married. I didn't know Dave Ramsey did both of these. I knew he did this. Oh, what? Because I've done a couple of people out of work there. I think it feel to me it feels inappropriate. And it feels like that's like discrimination. Like if they don't like your spouse, they're not going to hire you or something. But they're like raising out. And then it says in there behind that is like we want to make sure you you fit with our culture. And we have a very close culture kind of thing. This helps ensure a good fit for both the candidate and the company. And are you? Yeah. My thought is like, okay, are they interviewing the spouse and being like do you care if he works long nights and weekends? Like are they making sure that the spouse is going to be like, yeah, he'll do whatever or she'll do whatever. I get I get wanting to. I get if you're a small company. And wanting to meet the person spouse after they're hired. Yeah, but during the interview process, what have you have to take my husband Patrick to my interview?

19:35And I'm like Patrick, don't screw this up for me. Like what? It does make me think of when I was married. And my husband was in the Air Force. And there was the wives group. Well, we'll call it spouse because you could have women in the Air Force and they could be married to a guy. So the spouse group, but there were wives that worked really hard in that group. They worked really hard to elevate their husbands. Like it would impact the men's job. Like how their wife was with the higher up wives could impact your role at work. Like get you a promotion. Yeah. Or not. Or your relationship with the high up wife. Now I'm doing a lot of generally generalizing here every branch of the military might be different. Or but I remember I said to my husband at the time, like, well, I don't know that I have no interest in playing these games.

20:38But he's like, well, it's just kind of part of it. It's like what everybody does and it can really help you. Like if a wife is not liked, it might keep a man from getting moved up. See that's not like if she's not in with like the higher up wives. I don't like that. I know. And I feel like that's similar to this is like what if you don't like their wife or you're going to make. He really was qualified or she was really qualified and met all their criteria. And we really like like them, but their partner sucks. Like that's also also won. What if you're not partnered? And what if you just have like a boyfriend or girlfriend? Do you have to interview them? Because that's really weird. I found like dating somebody for six months and I'm like, you have to come to my interview with me. So those are two questions I would have. What do you do if they don't have a partner? And then when they get a partner, do you have to bring them in for an interview? Well, for the sake of our listener, the email that we've definitely gotten off track a little bit. Because I don't know if they have a spouse or if they're going to have to take their spouse to the interview.

21:38And when it comes to taking a risk and changing your life and leaving a boss, like I think it's okay to go for it and do it. I don't think you haven't said anything that's a red flag as to why you wouldn't go. Other than everyone's on their best behavior at an interview and they potentially could be toxic. But you don't even know that. That's going to be any situation. Like you said, her current boss that she loves could leave and another boss could come in and be toxic. Yeah. I do. She does love her job. It sounds like I think that's the risk too. It's like I like my job. So I'm leaving something. Leaving something that I think is going to be worth it for money. But how do I know if money is more important or like maybe unhappy? And for some people, money makes them happier. So I don't know. But I think what all you said is relevant. I just, I would, I don't want to tell you what to do. I would just say what's more important to you. The comfortability that you feel or the excitement of what could be.

22:41And maybe look at it that way because we're looking at through this like this could be really bad. But also it could be really good. I like that you gave the advice of checking with your current company to see if there's anything they can do about a pay increase. Because that's a good place to start. It's worth it. And more so they could say is no. Yeah. And then okay, cool. Like now, now you know that's off the table. This did remind me of something I saw on social media of 10 signs your boss is a green flag. And allegedly according to this, it's only 1% of bosses have all 10. So that would be very many. You give credit in public or they give credit in public your boss does. They give you feedback in private. They trust you instead of micromanage you. They care about outcomes. Not whether your slack dot is green. Do you ever use slack? I used to add that job that I didn't say it for very long. But just the one where you had to date. Yeah.

23:41But just to like message people, I don't really know much about slack. I hear a lot of people refer to it. I only used it when I was hosting this show on CMT's Facebook page. It was like a whenever the show Nashville was huge. Yeah. They would do a after show. So like people from the cast would come over. We rented this house in Nashville. And the cast would come and we would do interviews and we would break down the episode and we would talk about what happened. Then we'd have the special guests and they would they were often musical guests too. So they would play stuff. We would talk and we would use slack. For like a little iPad and we would like check in and I could see the questions. I felt really cool because I knew a lot of people use slack at work. That's my only experience with it. And you're only experienced with it was at the shady place. Yeah. I wish you could tell us more. Can you not? Like what happened? I can tell you more.

24:41It's not going to be as salacious to other people as it is if you're a therapist. But it was at a place that therapist work. There was just some. A lot of grey ethical things. And I came in as like a newcomer. And like, you know, what do they say? Why not in bushy tailed like excited and very early on. I started to notice that there was a lot of people whispering about because. Okay. I can say this. The one of the main people, possibly the owner, one of the owners hired a lot of former clients. To work there. And that to me is not grey. That feels very black and white. That we're not supposed to do that. And it continued to happen. And when I quit, I loved my direct boss.

25:41He taught me a lot. I still like would refer people to him. And I do think he was a great therapist because one of my best friends actually saw him and really liked him. But when I quit, I said. The reason I'm leaving is because I can see the stuff that's happening and nobody seems to be doing anything about it. Like from the top. So I just wonder what's happening behind the scenes that we don't know about because if you're okay with us knowing this. That's going on. And that was my fear. And so he kind of was like, okay, well, you're going to be done immediately. And so I had to get out. Pack your bags. Yeah. And then they did this weird thing where I quit in like November. And he wanted me. And then there he's like, you leave immediately, which I get you don't want like the culture because I left because of a culture thing. I don't think they wanted me talking about that. So they just wanted me out. They were trying to save face, I think. But then he wanted me to come to.

26:44We had these community meetings every Friday that were unpaid so they couldn't make us go. But he wanted me to come and like announce my leaving and talk to everybody about it. And I was like, why? That feels weird to me. And that feels like something I don't want to do. And I'm not going to get paid to do it. So I'm definitely not going to do that. So I will say shortly after I left like within that year. There was like a mass exodus. So I think a lot of people were feeling when I was feeling there was just a couple of us that jumped first. This is taking it another direction. So it's not related but sort of because he was a therapist. Have I ever told you when I was younger, we had this family move in with us? I want to tell you about Nephi, the only needle free epinephrine nasal spray for those who weigh 33 pounds or more.

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33:06You know, care can show up in a lot of ways, and everyone at United Health Care is committed to bringing it every day. Learn more about how United Health Care is committed to care at uhc.com slash care. Have I ever told you when I was younger, we had this family move in with us, a wife and her kid at my mom's house. My dad had already moved out, and then I think I don't know when it started, but my mom started welcoming people in that needed a place to stay because we had the extra room. I believe my sister had gone off to college, maybe. I'll have to ask my sister if she was here when this happened, but they moved in with us because her husband was going to jail because you had an inappropriate relationship with a client. And it was so sad because they were very, very sweet. And I don't know how long he served or what. I don't know. It's very still fuzzy in my mind, but it's weird to think like we had.

34:13My mom had a lot of people live with her over the years. My mom volunteered at a jail. And when women would get out and they didn't have somewhere to go, sometimes they would come stay with my mom. This is when I was in college at this point, but I would come back and I remember one time I came home with my boyfriend, and they were like, so who's your mom's roommate? And I was like, oh, that's so and so. She just got out of jail and didn't have anywhere to go. And so she would stay with my mom. My mom was very caring and sweet, but this was also my issue with my mom as my with my stuff with her because I felt neglected emotionally. Like I witnessed her take care of so many other people. And obviously big picture speaking, I was cared for. Yeah, but in my therapy and my adult life, I've learned there was an emotional neglect from both both my dad and my mom. And I think it was easier for my mom to show up for these other people that she kind of barely knew.

35:17Then to show up for me the way that she needed to and to be honest, she was probably doing better than her mom did. So each generation has gotten a little bit better. And I probably could do better. You know, I'm not faulting my mom. But it was those circumstances later in life that really just made me be like, huh. She did. Did you do you remember noticing being disappointed like when it was happening? Yes, but I didn't put much weight into it until later in life. I'm reflecting back on. Yes, I felt it at those moments like. This is weird. Yeah. And also really cool that my mom had an open door policy and her heart was big enough and she wanted to help others that had nowhere else to go because they think in the midst of him losing his license, losing his job, they lost their home. You know, he's going to jail. Like there's a lot of repercussions to losing your practice when you you're the you're the breadwinner. So my mom opened her door to the wife of this now imprisoned.

36:22Psychiatrists or therapist or whatever he was. And then they stayed with us until he got out of jail. I think they think they've repaired. I think maybe they got back together. I have no idea where these people are now. So that's actually really interesting because I had two thoughts while you were talking one. I gotta say this because I'll forget it. I am curious about your mom's volunteer position at the jail because I one of my friends volunteers at the jail. She does like a Christian ministry with them and they're not allowed to have any contact with any of them outside of like they can't even know certain things about them. So it is interesting that I guess this was a long time ago that she could like connect with them and like invite them. I mean, I could even say the one like I knew the woman well enough now like she had such a good relationship with my mom. I'm just choosing not to say her name for privacy, but well, I kind of like I understand why certain people you can't have any contact outside of whatever I understand that.

37:23But I also I'm like, that's cool that they were able to so she was able to give them that resource. Yes. Well, sometimes I'd be worried about my mom though because there was this boyfriend that was involved and I always got worried that my mom was going to get caught up in some. She was getting bamboozled. She was shady business where the boyfriend was going to come and like do something crazy and because my mom was providing a place of refuge because I think the other option when she got out of jail was like go back and be with the shady boyfriend or try to start a new life. Yeah. So that is scary. I know. So then sometimes I was really worried about my mom and her. Yeah, hard in her decisions, but yeah. Yeah. Well, my other thought was with the I guess it depends if they're therapists or psychiatrists, but I'm very I'm curious again because just having an inappropriate relationship with a client wouldn't put you in jail. You would get your license to revoke. Oh, he went to jail. So there had to be some had been pretty bad. Like if I I don't want to use myself in the situation.

38:28If a therapist slept with a client and the client reported that they would get their license revoked, but they that wouldn't be automatic cause for jail. I mean, they could depend on what happened that he could have committed a crime. Yeah. But that's tough and scary and I don't think I got read in on the crime. Because probably because I was a kid like, was just like, when you in college or you know, at that point, I was home like I lived with you. Yes, they lived with me. I jumped around because I was explaining how my mom. There was other people who lived with us as other family. I remember they were building a house and they their house they were moving out of. It sold, but their house they were building wasn't ready and they were like a family of four. And so they didn't have to go rent anywhere else. My mom's like, you can stay with us. And then they came and lived in your house. I mean, they came and lived with us. Yeah. I think my mom they my mom gave them her room like the primary formerly known as the master suite.

39:28But you know, yeah, it's called primary now. But my brain always goes master bedroom and I'm like primary primary primary. And then I don't know. We just did like musical. I don't remember how we all slept there, but we did. Okay. Yeah. A little lack of boundaries there. No, well, or it helped my mom because they could pay because when my dad moved out. Like, how were they paying your mom? Well, I don't I don't know that they all did. Okay. I don't like this family. Again, I'm not sure, but they may be contributed towards bills or they've hit my mom a little bit because it would have been cheaper than renting somewhere else. But like the fresh out of jail, I have no idea the arrangement. I don't know what I think my mom was just providing a place. Yeah. So I don't want to make it that it was about money, but looking back now, I think that could have been helpful to my mom because when my dad left and my mom had to go back to work, ideally my mom shouldn't have stayed in the house we were in.

40:30And the neighborhood we were in. We should have moved. We should have sold our house and moved somewhere else. But my mom wanted to stay put. So my sister and I were in the house we'd grown up in and we could stay in the schools that we were at and we could be near our friends. But I don't you know, yeah. So maybe it helped her. Yeah. To have like even the hunt like I mean my mom would do the yard work and everything. So maybe when that family was living with us, like the guy would do the yard work. I'm just guessing. I don't mind memories. Yeah. But back to the 10 signs your boss is a green flag because we didn't get through all of them. It's got through like two. I think we left off at the slack. The next one after they care about outcomes, not whether you're slack. They advocate for you when you're not in the room. They admit when they're wrong. They make it safe to ask stupid questions. They protect your time from unnecessary meetings.

41:31They weren't respected when you're asked to come to the unpaid community meeting to announce your departure. Well, I also didn't go to a lot of those meetings and I would get kind of like you couldn't get me in trouble, but they would make comments. I'm like, you give me money. I will come. Yeah. But if you're not going to pay me, they talk about your career goals, not just this quarters goals. And lastly, they celebrate your growth, even if it means you'll eventually outgrow the team. Well, that one is a nice little bow for this email. That last one. Yeah. You may feel like, oh, you don't want to leave this boss that has been so great to you. But if they're waving green flags, then they'll probably celebrate this growth for you. Yeah. I love that. We got a quick question email. This is from Laura. Can you share the acid stuff you mentioned recently? Amy said it's helped with the bumps on her legs. Yes. And we put that in the newsletter a couple of weeks ago, right? And I typed up my whole shower routine. Did it make sense? Yeah, I have to admit something. What?

42:41So when you were explaining your shower routine, it sounded like a lot. Yeah, but it's not. But when you wrote it out, I was like, oh, she just like washes her body. The acid that you're asking about Laura is the glycolic acid 7% and the brand that I use is ordinary. And it's just this stuff I put on a cotton swab when I get out of the shower and I rub it on the bumps on my leg. I don't have to do it as much anymore because I don't have the bumps on my leg because it took care of it. But I'm also using a glycolic acid body wash with my African washcloth. And that has helped to and the lotion that has the Bretonol in it for your body. So all of those things have helped the bumps. So I know the glycolic acid 7% will help. But I'm due that's my whole routine. And I've seen multiple dermatologists talk about the 7% another way that I used it for the first time in addition to putting it under my arms and putting it on the bumps on my legs.

43:49And I'm just like, I don't know if it's under your arms. Oh, they say it'll just help with. And arm stuff. You know, in my least favorite things is to talk about under arms. I hate it. I know it's like, I don't know if it's odor. Like you don't have to wear as much deodorant or. Okay, I don't know if it helped with like some people say it burn or something, but you know, it might. But yeah, because I've laser hair removal. I started doing it a couple of times a week because the dermatologist on my algorithm told me to. And then I saw another thing pop up and this was helpful and I tried it. So my scalp was getting a little bit flaky. And so before my shower, five minutes before, I got the bottle of glycolic acid and I put it on my scalp and massaged it in and I waited five, 10 minutes. And then I showered and shampooed my hair. And it helped it helped exfoliate my scalp. So there you go. And you already have it because you have it for the bumps on your legs or the underarms or whatever.

44:51But this is a feel like if there's a look at everything serum. Yeah, it's like a Windex. What is it from my big fat, Greek wedding or Windex solves everything? I feel like glycolic acid 7% fixes everything. Again, in the newsletter, there was a breakdown. If our newsletter is already gone now and people sign up from our newsletter, they get every retroactive newsletter sent to them. No, no, that would be so annoying. Yeah, I wish you could, I mean, I don't know how I could use this feature, but like you sign up for the newsletter, you got like the archives and you could go back and look at them. But they don't all go to your email because then imagine every newsletter you sign up for you just automatically get 30,000 emails all the soon as you sign up. With Cricket Wireless, you can count on reliable nationwide 5G because Cricket Wireless is on the 18 team network, which means you can start listening to that new album that just dropped at home while running errands and at the gym without any hiccups.

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47:00Tell your doctor about nasal, heart, thyroid or kidney issues, high blood pressure, Parkinson's, diabetes, if your pregnant or breastfeeding and all medications. Side effects include nasal discomfort, headache, runny nose, shakiness and throat irritation. These are not all side effects. Does your child need a new epinephrine prescription or refill? Don't wait. Ask a doctor about needle-free Neffi today. Visit neffi.com to learn more. That's in-e-f-f-y.com. Today's episode is brought to you by our friends Hasbro. And with back to school season here, it's the perfect time to create a few new traditions with the people you love. As life gets busier with school, work, practices and everything in between, it's easy to let quality times slip away. But some of the best memories are made in the simplest moments. Gathering around the table, putting the phones away and enjoying a game together. Whether you're reconnecting as a family after a busy week, hosting friends for game night or finding new ways to engage with your community, Hasbro Games help create moments of laughter, conversation and joyful memories that last long after the game is over.

48:11From monopoly and connect for to guess who, operation in Candyland and so many other classics, there's something for every age and every gathering. You can find these Hasbro favorites at your local Walmart, Walmart.com or simply tap the link in today's show notes to bring a little more play into your family's week. I love my dog, but her breath not so much. But I found something that works for both of us. I give her a greenie's dental treat every single day and she cannot get enough. And here's what won me over. These are more than just tasty treats. Greenie's dental treats are an easy way to give your dog clinically proven oral care and are designed to support the four areas that best check the most. Plack, tartar gums and breath. The unique texture cleans down to the gum line to support cleaner teeth after 28 days when fed daily. They're a that recommended dental treat made with natural ingredients plus vitamins, minerals and nutrients.

49:13Raw hide free, easy to chew and digest and the unique flexible texture makes them bendable so they won't snap. Honestly, greenie's dental treats are the best part of my dog car as day. Start your dog's oral care routine today, including a daily greenie's dental treat and turn health into something pets can't help but love. Greenie's make health a treat shop now at greenies.com health insurance should make getting care easier, but sometimes it can feel like the opposite. That's why United Health Care is committed to putting care at the heart of health insurance with empathy, transparency and real human connection. I mean, doesn't care feel different when it's personal when you can tell that the person on the other end of the phone, the screen and the service genuinely cares. United Health Care is working to make that happen every day. They're also helping people make health care decisions with confidence, giving them the information they need to better understand their benefits, costs and claims. Because United Health Care knows when you understand that stuff, you can better get the care you and your family need.

50:18You know, care can show up in a lot of ways and everyone at United Health Care is committed to bringing it every day. Learn more about how United Health Care is committed to care at youhc.com slash care. I'm texting my sister right now and his wife and baby lived with us. I said, why did that therapist go to jail and his wife and baby lived with us? Because I'm going to figure out to your point. Yeah, he would lose his life license, but why would he go to jail? Is it underage or did he just cross my mind if I asked her he could have harassed her? I don't know. It's just the only thing that's like ringing a bell in my mind is there might have been an age thing, but that's which adds a whole other layer to even if they were able to reconcile. Yeah, my sister probably what because I think my sister was maybe already in college, but I know she knows who I'm talking about.

51:22I just trying to type quickly. I got the most random text from my sister and my niece. I don't even know if I want to say it, but we have talked about now I have to we have talked about. The labias and stuff on the podcast before. So when I texted my sister just now because I know who she's with, she's with her mother-in-law and my niece. They went to New York and they're still there and at 9 p.m. last night, my niece texted taking a quick poll here for informational purposes. Do y'all have an inner labia or an outer lady? Don't be shy. Me, mom, and Moorma all have outies. And now she probably was not expecting me to read that on our podcast here, but and she sent it to me and then there. My sister sister and laws. So they're on this group text and one of the sisters is like, wait, what does an inner look like?

52:25I'm afraid to Google standby and then she pulled up a whole graph of what they look like. So that way you can assess. And you know, it feels weird to kind of talk about this, but also now I'm just going to do a 180 and be like, we shouldn't be weird about talking about this. Like I think it's great that my niece is 21 and at dinner with her grandma and her mom and they're talking about this. I would have never. And the mom, her, her, her, Moorma is my mom's best friend. So that ended up being my sister's mother-in-law, but like I think now my mom would talk about it, but when we were younger, no way. I agree. I think now if I asked that to my mom, she would, she would probably be like, what has gotten into you, but then she would have the conversation, but what she would never have it with my mima. If my, if my grandma was with us, I think that would just, it would embarrass my grandma. She would say that's inappropriate. I'm sure she would be like, we don't talk about those things.

53:27But that's a just, I mean, yeah, times are a change in. But that's something that we should be taught that we should be taught and also it should be like, there's all kinds of kinds and you don't need to be scared to Google or you don't need to be shy about it. It just we're all built differently is what it is. And yeah, I just, I hadn't replied yet because it came in. I was going to sleep by nine o'clock and then I've been working all today. I just now sent in all caps. Why is this a conversation? Ha ha. I love it. I love it. But just curious. They're probably on an airplane right now. So maybe they're not going to be able to tell us before we quit recording why the therapist went to jail, but what a fun cliffhanger. If it really cares, tune in to find out why the person that lived with my mom. 30 years ago, I want to know when to jail. I mean, I'm sure because that's your field. I mean, you have to have strict boundaries. I bet with your clients. Like, do you ever.

54:29Meet with men. Can you say that? What do you mean by that? Do I have men that are clients? Yeah. Okay. I have some men that are clients. When I, my, when I started, I saw strictly men. Really? I worked in a men's program. Well, that makes sense. Yes. Yeah. And I didn't think I was going to like it because. I mean, I just didn't. I thought it would be harder. And I actually. When I was doing it, I loved it. And they tried to move me out of that program into a woman's program. And I asked to stay longer. Because I was, what I loved is how surprised I would get by the men that were so open and vulnerable. And seeing their transformations was really cool. It just was unexpected. But as a private practice therapist, I bet like. 10 to 15% of my practice is men. But I still see them.

55:29But I've never had any issues with my boundaries with my. Take on clients. Yeah. But it is. I don't want to scare people, but it is. Not all therapists are critical. Like. Now, I'll just say that. I remember this man being attractive. As I was. I wish we were just saying. But I don't think I'm the right. I know it doesn't. But I'm saying. It was just a tidbit of information. I was talking to my friend Taylor this morning actually about. How I wish and I when I say not all favors are critical. I'm not like to do my own horn. I'm just saying. That as a you shouldn't have to be careful in this way. Like even thinking about going to the doctor or going to see like a psychiatrist or going to see a chiropector. Physical therapist. Like. You shouldn't have to think about this.

56:30Because people should you know uphold their ethical standards. But one thing I was talking to my friend about today is how. There are so little yes we have a board report to. And to. To how do I say this to become a therapist. I think it has become too easy. And even I'm saying that I was like I wish that I. I don't want this to happen because it's more work for me. But like we should have to go back and do more stuff. Or there should be more requirements before we even get licensed. Sometimes it feels like. Man I kind of just like breeze by that. And these are. Jobs that I feel like we should have intense. We should have psychological checks on us before we become therapist. Oh yeah. You know other jobs that know. So to six therapy sessions and have our therapist sign off on it.

57:31That's all we had to graduate. And our teachers like. In those kind of programs when they're in person you get to know that you're. The staff the staff and the faculty pretty well. But it's their. Disgression if you graduate or not like you could pass all your. Classes but they could also say like you're not fit to be a therapist. So we're not going to. We're going to give you this degree instead of the counseling degree. But I think there should be. More strict things we have to pass. Because of this kind of stuff. Got it not that you could. I mean nobody can. Keep everybody safe like they're certainly outlier but I have a feeling that you got some information because you just smiled. Well my sister just texted me. Yeah I think it's just some sort of a white collar crime. And they kept living with us even when he got out of jail. What in the world. Well make. So the guy. So the dad lived with you too. Yeah.

58:31Then that then I think you have his crime wrong. There's no way your mom let him stay with you. Oh no I mean I don't think it was. If it was underage it might have been like 18. And now we're assigning a client in that I don't know what he did. Because I just replied back to my sister. I thought he hooked up with a client. She hasn't replied yet. But we'll get to the bottom of this. I maybe he embezzled money or something. Yeah. But this. But I do think there was an affair situation with a client. And I forgot the part that he also lived with us too. But my. I don't know my sister just I think it's really funny that she typed that and she goes what in the world? Because I think when you know when you pause and think back about certain decisions that your parents made or in this case my mom like the multiple people that lived with us. There was more I'm telling you I only gave you three examples today of people that lived.

59:31But it was like a revolving door would be shocked. If capital my mom all out that is. Yes. So I bet that your brain did one of those things and my brain does is to is I think about something happening and then I tell that story enough times in my head that I'm like oh this happened and it never happened. I'm pretty certain I've like never told this story. Well, okay. Like. Well, maybe in your head you told it like. Because I why would I tell I mean unless just with friends somehow it came up but I think everything so foggy because I don't I mean I may be over all these years and radio if it's come up like a similar scenario like this we're talking when I'm like oh there was this one story like maybe I could see that happening. But I don't this is a story I dip into often at all whatsoever. Dang my sister was of no help.

1:00:32But you're right to go to jail. I can't just be that there was an affair. Yeah, maybe he had an affair with an adult client and then also he let him be as old money or committed insurance fraud or something. Yes. And then those things got intertwined. Stay tuned. I have to update on another episode and then I did get a response of why is this conversation about the labias and vaginas happening. And my sister said that my niece was talking at dinner about how her roommates all have a certain kind. And they thought that Adaloo was abnormal for her kind. But actually neither way is normal. What's there is no normal. Yeah, there is no normal. I think they took a survey and realized so I don't know how many people they texted. I was going to say is that there's no normal from the internet or they just did their own case study. But according to the chart that Caitlin found there's nine on the diagram and and it could be more and it doesn't make you one weird either the other.

1:01:45If you do have an Audi and it shrivels up, there's medicine you can take. Yes, as we've talked about that before. The extra cream, some sort of cream you can rub on it because that's what we learned later in life once you hit menopause it. So okay, very diverse episode, very diverse. Thank you for your voicemail and your email and your questions. Good luck with the job and then thank you to the to the caller for that encouragement for our other listener from a previous episode. Okay, we're done. We hope you have the day. You need to have. Bye. Bye. Today's episode is brought to you by our friends has row and with back to school season here. It's the perfect time to create a few new traditions with the people you love as life gets busier with school work practices and everything in between.

1:02:45It's easy to let quality times slip away, but some of the best memories are made in the simplest moments gathering around the table, putting the phones away and enjoying a game together. Whether you're reconnecting as a family after a busy week, hosting friends for game night or finding new ways to engage with your community hasbro games help create moments of laughter, conversation and joyful memories that lasts long after the game is over from monopoly and connect for to guess who operation candy land and so many other classics. There's something for every age and every gathering. You can find these hasbro favorites at your local Walmart Walmart dot com or simply tap the link in today's show notes to bring a little more play into your family's week. McDonald's is putting value back on the menu. Whether you're craving a big Mac McNuggets or sausage egg and cheese Mac Grittles make it a meal and save. Your favorite is now your wallet's favorite to extra value meals are back.

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