[Extra] The Poodcast - Ep. 1

0:00Faithful listeners, I know you were promised the next episode of the epic journey that is the tales of near fall. However, due to some scheduling conflicts and life just being busy in general, we were not able to get an episode recorded for you. So, the hold you over, here we have the first episode of one of our Patreon exclusive shows, The Poodcast. We appreciate your patience while we get back up to speed on the main show. For now, please enjoy the first episode of this previously exclusive Patreon episode. Episode one of The Poodcast. Also for context, this was recorded over dinner. That's why the audio quality is going to be a little different. Enjoy the episode. Welcome to the first episode of The Poodcast. So, the way this works is welcome Patreon. We talk about our recent Val-Lumans and then everyone shares one previous poop story from their life. So, I'll go ahead and lead off, because I'm not scared while I eat my onion ring. I actually pooped

1:02today and it was one of the best poops I've taken a long time. I had to work for it. It was solid though, which for me as someone that drinks like I do, normally they're not solid. So, it was very exciting. So, yeah, we're doing well. A poop story. One time I was at a skate park and I had vicious vicious diarrhea and I sprinted into the wood. It makes that a spell. It's not vicious mockery. It's vicious diarrhea. I sprinted into the woods and I was wearing a shirt that I just got from New York. It was an I love New York shirt, but I bought a size too big because I wanted to grow into it. So, I sprinted it into the woods and I quickly pulled out my pants to poop, but my shirt was too large. My shirt was too big, so it hung over my ass and I essentially shit into my own shirt like a hammock. And it caught all of my shit. And then I had to carefully take it all away from it. Okay, continue. They can join it and they can join the poop cat,

2:08so I shit into my shirt like a hammock. And then I had to devise a way to take it off the back of my head without smearing my own shit on the back of my neck. And it was a Tom Cruise mission, but we finished it successfully and I had to leave that shirt in the woods. Not done. We still have vowel movements, uh-huh. Loafy, bad, bad. Lots of wiping. Oh no, we'll just leave it at that. Okay, shit story. Okay, one time. I had not shit for like a few days, uh-huh, babe. I finally get, I'm like, oh, my body needs a go. I go to the restroom. I tend to not, I'm on the toilet for maybe 15 seconds. Okay, I wipe once done. There's nothing. Those white. Okay, I get up. I look into the toilet. Easily, uh, but it's what logs. Easily.

3:10Wait, would you were only on the toilet for 15 seconds? I came out with it. It flew out of you. It flew out. Solid? Yeah. That's amazing. That's amazing. I felt really, I was like happy about it. I was like, kind of proud. I mean, it's one of those ones you're like, want to take a picture. But it's also like, then you have a picture of sitting or following this side. Why would you want that? You know, you just show people the picture and then you're like, yeah, in a sense. Yeah, you're like, this is my nephew. This is my cat. This is a log that I went out. Look how I'm hoping my bowel was consistent. This is my other son that I birthed. 12 inches is probably like, like being conservative, if I'm being honest. It is too big. No, that's awesome. Well, I'm prepared. Yeah. I like the other stuff I should do. Just go and never do that. Give us bowel movements. Turn bowel movements, Josh. Recent bowel movements, Josh. Recent bowel movements, Josh. So I wake up, sit anywhere between 4 p.m. and 6 p.m. daily.

4:18What, you're every day bowel movement. Well, no, but that's what my most recent was. Oh, God. Second on the one. We're doing one. We're doing all three. We're good. Everybody good. So, thank you. So my most recent one was a very normal one for me. Very, very solid. Probably like four wipes total, maybe three. That's a good number. Yeah, yeah. Not too much, but not a ghost boot, but not too many. Not too annoying either. Yeah, just like getting done. I know. I'm done. Okay, cool. You can get a normal amount of that. And then a shit story. I'm ashamed to say happened last year. I was in a snorkel store in Hawaii. And I felt a fart. I farted. It was not a fart. There was some liquid. Oh, okay, but was this like just a wet fart or was this a fool? I shit my pants. It was no. I,

5:24so I clenched right after I felt it was wet, you know. And then I, what was it like, poop liquid or fart liquid? Well, I get back to the, I get back to the question. I get back to the Airbnb. And there is some due to all my underwear. Oh, no, too liquid. See here. You're not devising whether this was a shit yourself or just a wet street. No, they're like, the poo was ready. Like, like, did you have to throw the underwear away? Oh, shit. I don't know where to go. See, that's the difference. I got them. It was just a little bit, like a little street self. Yeah, you had a disgusting fart. Yeah. But then right when I go back to the Airbnb, shit it all out. You know, at least you held it until they were moving. Exactly. Very good. Fulton painting. Navified. Grease and vowel movement. Fulton. Um, right before I left. It's not today. Song, sleep. Oh, it was, it was pretty good, Woody. Oh, man,

6:26I ain't full or not. I don't leave it full. Just, it was your leaving. Okay. Okay. Stomach was upset. Wait. Remember, remember to call on me again because I have another story. Okay. And just say San Diego. I don't want to save it. You don't want to save it for episode. Yeah. What about? No, no, it's okay. Bootcast episode two. Leave it for a good grand finale of Bootcast one. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Go ahead. Get all the heads over. Uh, I don't really have one off the top of my head for myself. Story wise. Okay. When I got one, someone else, Jason, yeah. Any poop story. So on the bootcast. So at baseball one time. This guy, I guess he, he's been, he's been had been safe. So he's taking that. And he was sitting down in the dirt, like putting his shoes on wherever. And he got up and said, well, I'm like, why don't you shoot yourself? He was, oh, it's just, I'll see you in the dirt. And then like a week later, he goes, dude, why'd you help me like that? He goes, I shit myself. Oh my god. He goes, uh, the, the antibiotic cells on

7:26and he's like, I was sitting on his dirt, he started down where I sat down on the bench, and he, I shit myself. So I sat in the dirt to try to cover him. Oh, my, no, man. That's quick thinking though. I respect him for that. You played the entire game with shit, this means. Oh, I don't expect that. This was like before he didn't even start it. Dude, that's that. That's like, that's on some, like, Loki gangster shit. Yeah, it's just being like, I would be a bitch. I know that's what's out so bad. Well, I'm running. Oh, dude, it's entire ass is brown. You didn't trust it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, eight and no, it looks like we had diarrhea. Recent bowel movements. In Syria, my bathroom time 4 p.m. today, when it happened today. 4 p.m. 4 p.m. It was a good food. It was one of those like, dude, it's one of those like, hey, you know how to like, oh, you feel like you have to go. Your body was red. It was perfect. It was just like, and then it was a good job.

8:29Well, the two main ones. It's a nail. Yeah. Was it perfect food? I like, you know, those ones are like, man, I gotta go to work. It would be like, I should really poop before I go to work. And it's like, it's not ready. It's not ready. Yeah. It wasn't that it was perfect. Perfect timing. Where it's like, I don't have to strain. No, my body's like, hey, perfectly ready there. Hell yeah. It's great. I felt perfectly empty after. That's feeling after. Anyway, time for the poop story. So this is a recent poop story. And it involves the making of these amazing sandwiches I had. I knew, I knew you were another one off the top. Oh, did you do that? Greg, to me. Okay, so here's what I was talking to. It's all happened. Yeah. So I don't say I was just amazing. Tasted awesome. I'm like, I transform or remember. Yeah. My stomach's sitting really good. Maybe it's still recovering from a lot of the fuck I have. Anyway, I wake up interior by bedroom. You don't see it before I eat it. Eat it. Eat it. Afterwards, tell Taco Bell story. Where? Yeah, that's what you can't. Oh, it's not poop. You can't exhaust all of we need to go on.

9:29Okay, churches are okay. Go, go, go. Good thing. I'm talking about interior by bedroom 2 a.m. I wake up with a stir in my stomach. I wake up in pain. And I'm like, holy shit, I either need to, I think I need to throw up or something. No, what it is. So I brush the bathroom. It's not throw up. And I was like, shit, what do I do? Mind you, that's like a 10 seconds. That's a 10 step adventure. Anyway, time you get some out of bed into his bathroom. You figure that way. It was one of those like every step works it further down. This was processing so hard in my stomach. It was hurting me so much that it felt stuck in my stomach. And I didn't know if it was like, this needs to go out my blood or needs to come out. I wanted to go out somewhere. Wait, he didn't do any big work. Unfortunately, because I had to throw up a lot of the time. I was down for that. Well, I was like, bro, it's already past the stomach. We're already here. So I had to live through probably like an hour to an hour and a half,

10:31but only missing travel through my body painfully, like literal lava through my intestine. Like pain. See, that's interesting. Good imagery. That's interesting, though, because when I have shits like that, it's not, it runs out fast. Yeah, mine wants to get out. I don't know. It is like, I can soon food. Yeah. And then like, I could still be chewing my bite. Yeah, and the shit. Yeah, that's why I'm before I had an hour for somebody to shoot. It was like, I literally felt it the entire way down. And I could, gradually, because I was in, I was in pain. I was really clutching the toilet or sitting up the toilet like, it's like, God, please, let me say, I literally wasn't so much pain. I had to like focus on not any of the stories. Same thing after the sandwich. Right? God. It was great sandwich. My stomach started like carrying a rotor, going over here a little bit of me. We were recording. He drive home. I thought I was going to shit my pants the entire way.

11:31I ran, I parked my car like, my stomach was ramping into the one where I'm like, it's coming. I kid you not. I got my pants off just fast enough for the shit to exiting. Individually. That's so scary. Those are the best feelings that I can get to the toilet. Enjoying to shot them down. I see how do my hands. It was no actual shit itself. It's very satisfying. But the build-up sucks. Yeah, the build-up sucks. It's when you get the release. It's like, it's like, it's like, due to mine. Because I look so, again, I literally felt it going down. It's slowly, it's slowly going down. Until eventually it was like, okay, now you can shit it out. Oh, it was, finally, it was, it was, it was, it's explosive. Yeah, I was shitting. It was, yeah, it was literally, liquid. Nice. It literally, liquid farted. I pissed it out. Honestly, if I'm ever having a diarrhea, I prefer to be, like, just straight liquid. Just, I'm just like, this is what it is. No, that's the worst feel. See, I,

12:33personally, it sounds crazy. I enjoy diarrhea. But, I've been too awful. But the water, the ones where it's straight, just liquid, like, you're eating it out of your butt. No, those ones suck. I don't know why. It's so, okay. Basically, grand finale story, right? We have grand finale story, and then we have one more segment that I'll get into for the prove cast. Go ahead. Okay, grand finale story. This is, this is, just for you, body, prove cast listeners from the, from the ACR. Okay. So, girlfriend at the time, flying out from San Diego, two-hour drive. Okay. I start the drive. Oh, boy. Okay. I'm on my way. I'm driving. Okay. And I, I'm taking her there first. Okay. Oh, wait. No, no. I'm, what am I doing? I don't know. I'm dropping her off here first. Okay. I'm dropping her off. So, oh, yes, that was right. I'm taking her there first. Okay.

13:36I'm driving. I kid you not. It's one of those where it's like so painfully in your stomach. Yeah. Like you, yeah, that you like you need to breathe. Yeah. And it feels like like, like you're literally being stabbed. That's the only way I can explain it. And it's like, that's happening. And then so it does this, it does these waves, right? Where it's like stabbing. Oh my god, I'm going to fucking kill myself. I'd rather drive my car into the, to the side of the freeway. I'm feel this pain. And then it just goes away. For like a good five, 10 minutes feel five, 10 feeling when it goes away. The relief when you go, right? What? Listen, listen, what the mind is, mental, mental. This is, yeah, this is two hours, right? So then there's five to 10 minutes passes, right? I'm like, okay, I'm good. It comes back. Okay. And I'm like, oh my god. And it, yeah, it's like, it gets worse and it's stabbing. And I'm, I want to die. Okay. And then, and then it subsides. Yeah. It subsides. Okay. I turn on the cold air. I'm like, oh,

14:37can that feels good. That feels good. And it's, it makes you hard. You like, and like, you get tingles or you're like, okay, this goes on for the entire two hour drive. Okay. It's the point where I tell her, get out of the car. I need to go home because I'm weird about shitting in places today. I need to shit at home. And I'm two hours away. Okay. I'll shit anywhere. We're halfway through the drive. And this is the only thing I have to do this another, for another, what I just did. But again, okay. So I'm on my way back day. And it's again, waves every 10 to 15 minutes. It's of like stabbing. And I like, it's the point where I'm debating just shitting my hands and dealing with the rep unlessions later in there. It's the point. Are you screaming? Oh, yeah, screaming. No, I'm like, when you're like, yes, yes, yes. Two of you just blow out a sign. No, I like, oh, I'm weird about it. And it's so bad. Anyways, I'm driving and I'm like, getting home. I'm trying to listen to podcasts to like distract myself. I'm trying to turn on the cold air.

15:38I'm trying windows down. Windows up. I'm trying everything. And it's not working. I get home. And you know how your body can tell when you get close when you're close. I part. And it's like, I can't even walk where it is. And it's the point where I'm like, just clenching super hard. Okay, this is going to sound really gross. Okay. So you know, we're already, you know, we're talking about muscles in your butt now, right? But you know how you have like, like, like, like, like, like, the, um, diesel. We're good. Can I give a box? I'll turn it in for the buffalo's actually. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Appreciate it. We're going to ask about it. What now? Should I take this one? I'm looking for my doctor. I got you. Okay. They're pretty down there for what? What are they saying? Put it down there for them. So they're saying, uh, you just got home. Okay. Yeah. Okay. We're time a butt muscle through it. You know, there's a point. And you know, there's, there's a point where you can like

16:40fold it in from like your lower stomach. We're right on your bottom. Yeah. You think you can hide in from your lower stomach, right? And you're like, like, okay, you're just, you're making that's where like the potty training comes in, right? I'm saying it was to the point where it's past that. And I'm just clenching the very end of the butt. Yeah, your butt hole. And like, you're smiling. My angrier. I'm like, yes. We go in. By actually, no, it's liquid. No, I'm saying your funhole's wiggling from the point. It's like, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, like, pulsating and like, uh, the, the, the, all the muscles before the very end is like, they are relaxed because they can't physically fold it back anymore. and I'm like waddling to this toilet, trying to like hold anything together. I can't, you know, I'm still not doing it for like five minutes and it's straight. It is straight and it hurts and then it doesn't hurt but it hurts sometimes. It was a relief but it feels so good. You know like delayed gratification? Yeah. That was four hours of delayed gratification of like pain. Yeah. Yeah. It was bad. Okay. Final segment of the

17:45first fluid cast and we'll wrap it fire this and this will be a segment for every time we do this. Everyone predict when how long until your next book and how the book will be. I will start first. I don't think I'll poop tomorrow because I have ball issues and I don't think I'll poop at the whole tonight. Thank you guys. Thank you. Um, I appreciate you. Almost there, bro. I'll thank you. Thank you, guys. You got my foot. This is my foot. You can't find any shit. Um, I don't think I'll I don't think I'll poop tomorrow but I think I'll poop on Monday and today is Saturday. Today is Saturday. Um, Saturday 11th. It's Sunday. It's Sunday. It's Sunday. January 11th. I don't think I will poop until Monday. January. Stranger things may come out with an episode today. Nor tomorrow. Then I think it will get I think it will be a actually a good one but I'll have to

18:46work for the episode of the poop of the poop. Wow. Okay. I think I shall poop tomorrow roughly around next time I eat whether that be lunchtime or dinner time because there's some reason when I get input it wants to output as well. Okay. Um, I think it will be based on our last my last few shits. It will be kind of rough in the sense that I will shit and then feel like I'd have to shit more. You didn't get it all out. Right. I hate that. But it's also like I think I did but I don't know for sure. I hate that. Yeah. That feeling sells but it's going to be not going to work because I don't want it to be a Josh. Uh, next poop and how will it be? When I have alcohol, I could poop up to five times a day. Now, shit. I've only pooped once today. Nice. I have a feeling. I might go one more time before bed so I'll probably be up to like six, seven a.m. today.

19:47Nice. Um, before I sleep and I think it will be a normal poop with about three wives. Yeah. Good. Yeah. Good. Because I might have second dinner around four a.m. Yeah. But now's drinking is going to help your movement. Yep. Yeah. Drinking. I'm not drinking. I'm not drinking. Uh, next one. It's going to be when I get home. I can feel the red room. Oh, it's not going to be a great one. It's just in the air. So within the hour, like solid, but not fully solid. Within the hour, like kind of in the sun, it's just the in between where you're like, it's solid, but it's kind of got some gifts. It's not going to be a lot. It's just going to be mushy mushy is the right. Yeah. That's a little poop. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, then maybe a two wife interior five seconds. Okay. She now I'm like, Loki. I'm Loki in a similar spot with Colton. However, um, I do this thing.

20:47Does anyone else do this? Cause like, I like being clean and maybe that's a sensory thing or whatever. I feel like you're about to say you're going to take all part of it. No, no. Um, I do that. There's your pants. They're back like before your shower. Yeah. Cause I do that. Yeah. The worst thing in the world is shouting out of the power. No, I don't know. It feels like it feels like it feels clean, but then it feels gross. Yeah. It's like just my boot, but it's like I know the light when you're like, yeah, a little bit more sweaty kind of fun show. Anyway, I'm going to shower tonight. I'm planning on attempting, uh, TV won't record, uh, move tonight. Nice. What right before my shower? If it doesn't occur tonight, I refuse to let it happen after the shower. And I'll do it. It's gonna be good. Oh, it's gonna be just better. Yeah, we just put fellas. This has been the first episode of the poop. Okay. Thank you for giving us your money. And this is what you're getting. I hope everybody enjoyed. And I, uh, I wish everybody a, we need

21:50like a slogan. We need a slogan for the end of it. Keep on. And not shit. Don't eat your food, food fast. Tune in next time on the food cast. Oh, oh, wait. You're somewhere. Don't make sure you're not eating red. Tell me about eating and not not at the same time. Because we're talking about shit. We're doing somewhere. I got to go out of string. Um, uh, it's there, but I got to, it's missing something. Hold on. Shall we refine and say it again on next episode? Uh, no, no, this is the first one. And we got to, we got to figure it out. And it will, no matter if it's shit or not, we don't want to end it. We have to stick with it forever. So it's got to be. No, I wasn't kidding. Yes, I was shitting. No, no, that's not a fan.

22:50Uh, who put the scoop to the do? That was the do. That's our do song. May you poop fast while you tune into the food cast. Objections, I'm open for objections. I'm not the biggest fan now. Oh, what about something about like we hope you poop well and fast. Listen, listen, tune in back to the food cast. May your movement, may your bowel movement, may your movements be clean and fast. And don't forget to tune into the food cast. Well, it's got to go food cast. Food fast. Um, may your bowels be healthy? We hope you poop fast. Tune in next time on the food cast. I like that. I like that. I saw that again. May your bowels be healthy. I hope you chew fast. Tune in next time on the food cast. There it is, folks. Thank you very much. How do you got to go?