Episode 23: Paige Railey - Evolution

Hello and welcome to Unstoppable. I'm Zian and this is where we take a deep dive into

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I just wanted to ask actually a little bit more about what that transition was like because

I know you mentioned a lot earlier that sailing is and kind of was like you know the love of

your life and know for over like two decades, almost 30 years you know it was a lot of a

very large part of your identity and everything you did and you had so much love for it and I know

a lot of times athlete struggle after the Olympics or after reaching these big milestones in their

career like dealing with this kind of emptiness or this void or this struggle to kind of like find

yourself after and I just wanted to ask what that was kind of like and how you really like navigated

that. I'll just be very transparent. It was awful. It was a terrible experience and the only thing I

can say to athletes that are going through it is just keep putting one foot in front of the other

and you know for about a year I really like I couldn't even feel emotions to it because it was

27 years of my life and it was gone. I get felt gone and it was just so many emotions and

really having to dive into it and process it and you know the first suggestions I can give

is talking with your Federation to see if they have programs to help um talking to somebody

like sports ecologist therapists whatever it is because you are truly going through a massive

transition in your life um and then you also have to process everything that you went through as well

so that that was very difficult and then one of the biggest things that I did after was trying

to relearn who I am so why do I work out because I would go to the gym and I just walk around the gym

and I'm like what am I doing here what is my reason what is my why so it's trying to rediscover my

why in life and I had to figure out what hobbies do I truly enjoy because everything I'd ever

known was sports and trying to learn this balance of living in the real world and still having my

sporting life and trying to figure out how do I do sports and then have a full-time job and how can

I bring all these lives together so um that was that took a while to figure that out you know that's

why you saw me doing Ironman like I just was like I'm losing who I am and so I went in an Ironman

because of that structure and that type of training and so um the other thing was is

what more to me is there to me than just sailing athletics and working so I really tried starting

like I wrote down all these things I was like what's something that's out of the norm for me I was like

okay Pilates a happy hour like going to a happy hour that was so new for me I remember driving

by happy hours and seeing people go to happy hours so I was like okay I'm gonna go to a happy hour

I started doing like having friends over for dinner at you know during the work week or going

and reading different books just like all these things that were still outside my norm I just went

and tried it because I was like I don't know if I like it or not so I think rediscovering new hobbies

who you are and just trying to don't think that you're you're losing yourself you're trying to

evolve and grow and become bigger than what you were before and expand your horizons but

I am not gonna sugarcoat it and say that it's a wonderful beautiful process and it was so easy

it is an absolute monster and it's hard and you have to keep fighting and keep going because

there are some extremely sad moments like sad like just missing the sport missing the training so

but you have to get the help that you need you gotta lean on other people like you know I

checked my mom to breakfast and I I talked to her about it and I was just like this is hard I'm

struggling you know another thing that's been really nice is like there's other athletes other

teammates that are going through it you just have to connect with them talk to them I reconnected

with some of my old girlfriends and I was like help how did you do this how did you get through it

so you gotta lean on other people and you have to put an effort into expanding who you are as a

person yeah and I guess going through something like that could also be a very like isolating

and like difficult experience oh for sure yeah and for sure and I mean I can't even like

try and I'm not even going to try and think that I can possibly understand like something like

that but I think the way you put it it's not like losing yourself but instead you know

it's still another part of growth it's not like those 27 years were all like completely like for

nothing in a sense it's just like another step and it like what you're doing in the present

doesn't necessarily like mean that everything in the past even though they're like really different

are like I wouldn't say very like distinct from each other I think the way you put it like

the sports life and like the real world and I feel like that's interesting about

how that kind of implies that the sports world isn't really like the real world right it's true

we live in a segmented world and we have to understand too that within that segmented world you're

around a specific type of person so you're all kind of around the same different personalities

these driven you know gold driven type people when you go into the world it is like a hot

project people personalities drive everything it's overwhelming so there's so many skills that

you have to teach yourself as well so you know you are used to working with a specific type of

person in team members and all of your different you know coaches and everything when you go into

the world there's such a variety that you realize your social skills you have to expand them

and you have to put time and effort into learning new skills and that was also a huge eye opener

for me I come from a very direct cold you need to improve this is what we're going to do in the

world communication like that does not really exist it's a different type of communication

it's great it's okay and it's just different and you have to learn how to expand if you want to

you know work with all different types of people which is I mean another positive you're just

you're expanding who you are you're growing as a person yeah you know too there's so much

relatability outside of just athletes think about our parents they've been doing stuff for 40 to

50 years when they retire they go through the same experience what am I going to do in my life

their identity was what their career you know military military is very similar to they live in

a segment in world outside of the world they have to integrate back into society and

there are different types of people that you can reach out to with different experiences and

they can help guide as well yeah and it sounds really like this experience kind of going through it

was something that kind of really changed and helped you like grow as a person and

I was just wondering kind of similar to that if there were any other experience you felt that

before not really like before and after but because of them like you like it was like a really big

like change I said left I think yeah well the first one was when I had the bike accident and I was

like oh am I going to heal so my naïveness in life of I can do anything and there's no consequences

I learned those consequences right that wasn't like the monument change for me but I've learned

there were consequences in life when you're being wild you know the biggest change in my life

was when I got sick so I you go through life and you just think you're unbreakable you think that

you know there is no fear of the what if when you wake up one day and you can't get out of bed and

you're getting tested like crazy and you are truly like really sick that changes your whole

life and it changed me completely it changed me as a person it changed my thought process it changed

what I valued and um I became I became a nicer person I actually did like a full 180 in my life

and I fully fully changed my whole perspective and outlook on life and I realized how much I took

for granted the small things in life and the people in my life and you know this hardcore aid type

personality that you develop when you sail you realize you don't need to be like that old time too

though the health stuff has changed me forever because what I realized are things that I stressed about

before if you don't have your body and you don't have your health you can't even stress about that

stuff so what truly matters is like family love health you know waking up enjoying just the sun

being out so like all of those things was what I really started placing value on my life yeah wow

and so I guess that was it very like foundational like shift like you said specifically in what

you valued like that really determines a lot of the different things we do in like life I think in

general and I was just wondering then like because your values kind of changed after that experience

as well did you know your perspective or your thoughts on you know your goals for the future and

what you wanted to achieve was and like maybe your why in a sense did that like really change as well

yeah for sure everything started shifting for me and you know I started thinking about

where I'm putting my time and effort in my life and what verticals were actually truly important and so

maybe some things that I found let's say didn't have as much depth or meaning I said okay I'm not

gonna value that as much you know so that started shifting things and my goals of being driven

and wanting to succeed like I've always had that in me but it it realized too that it doesn't

define me then I'm more than what my accomplishments are that I you know you start to view yourself

kind of like as a machine you input numbers you output numbers and I started realizing that I can

offer more than just that so on my values started changing in the aspect of do goals and drive

have to run my whole life and I'm like no there can be aspects of my life that can be more relaxed

and so um I started realizing that down moments in family time and you know my friendships and all

that stuff it's just sort of realizing I didn't have to be full blast full seam all the time

have more relaxed moments and I can value other things like place value and stuff that maybe

aren't going to bring a medal or you know big success success inside of a company or something you

can have your values can change a lot and so that's definitely what happened so waking up it wasn't

everything I'm going to do for this day is going to lead to me achieving that goal it's like

actually no today can be about going and hanging out with my mom and just enjoying this full day

with her and I'm not making a step towards my goal but you know honestly at the end of the day

having values and having that support and you know really placing a lot of energy into the other

aspects of life help you achieve goals too wow yeah and I just wanted to ask like you said going

full steam all the time was that like ever exhausting at any point or do you think it was more

when that stopped then you realized how you realized how much that really was

no I think no it didn't stop you know I you'll see it like amongst like high achieving people

to turn the switch off I think that's like one of the biggest things that sports psychologists

and your coaches are trying to get them to do you've got to relax you've got to relax you know

so yeah that can lead to burnout but I mean my fire burn pretty darn strong what changed it for me

like where I learned that I can turn the fire on and off was the health stuff like yeah it just

it was like no I'm not gonna be like this all the time I want to experience other things in life

I wanted to broaden my horizons that's what changed for me it was always about Olympic schools

Olympic schools medals worlds and I'm like oh wait you know actually going and trying this out would

mean something I wanted to be more than just a metal thing you know yes no of course I think

that makes a lot of sense and like you said how you kind of become a machine and how this

being like a high-performing athlete especially of like you know your caliber is a very like

segmented and kind of not like maybe even almost extreme like way of like living which I guess

for sure yeah for sure I always tell people I'm not gonna sit here and motivate you to be a

professional athlete or you need to go and enroll championships that person has to make that

decision all in their own this was my life I don't recommend it to anybody if you want to do it

this is how I did it but you have because I'm like even if I recommend it I still feel like I'm

placing influence on you have to make that decision all on your own because there are moments that

are so incredibly hard and you're so tired and you're alone in a different country you don't

speak the language and it's like you have to rely on yourself and you got to you've got to rely

on that decision you made you got to remember why you did it if somebody else is doing it for you

you're gonna burn out for sure yeah and I guess that that makes a lot of sense and also the importance

of you know knowing your why and your values and why you do all those things because at some point

the medals aren't gonna like that's it like kind of they're gonna stop but whereas you you

still need something to kind of motivate you through everything for sure yeah you got to keep

going on while you're doing it yeah and I'm just wondering I just wanted to ask now and I think

you might have also answered this question earlier but you know before maybe success what does

success kind of look like for you now or yeah so success now one thing that I really enjoyed is

expanding the QIM as a person the way that I interact with people communication styles I have

put a lot of effort into that I own a company with my brother and sister so that has been such a

great learning experience and you know I see success in that via the growth and seeing my employees

achieve their goals so all of these skills that I've learned on how to do goals and how to strategize

how to get there I'm placing that within the company so you're seeing growth within the company

because we're setting like what I said these small little goals are like helping my employees stay

present in the moment to achieve these you know things every single day so then it leads to their

big goal which which is so interesting because their goals are tied into the company goals which is

like what my brother sister and I said so it's like I put goals out with my family this is where we

want to get to but the way that you get to that is it has to be through your team members it can't

rely on just my brother sister and I so we put out goals for the employees but then we have to make

sure that they're getting to that so before I was setting the goals for myself and we were achieving

for me as an individual now I'm having to think in a very macro place where it's I need to build

up an organization so we can reach goals for the whole organization but that means I have to

get it for the individuals and then I have to make sure that the individuals are achieving it

the managers are achieving it because the whole byproduct is a whole organization

achieves goals so the macro thinking has been huge and then I'm also really proud to like having

more of like trying out this whole home life thing I know this sounds crazy but it's like I know

people do it all the time but I didn't get to experience that being home for a year whoa you know

waking up and I'm in the same bed that I was in four weeks ago like I'm trying out what the norm is

which is so foreign to me figuring that life out which is so crazy and it's been that's been a

huge expansion for me but yeah like going grocery shopping and having groceries in my house

and I know I'm not going to spoil because I'm going to actually be home to eat them I have a cat

oh my gosh that's a huge commitment for me you can't just leave the animal like I can't just leave

for three months like I used to like I have a responsibility right now it's so interesting

like having a cat is not a big deal when I went to the pound to get my cat I was almost hyperventilating

in the pound I'm like oh my gosh my mom's like what are you freaking out about I'm like oh this

is the biggest commitment of my life and she's why I'm like I just can't leave I got a little

thing that I got to take care of mom this is huge she's like wow actually wow right now

we were laugh but that was such a big step for me that was my first step of building root

somewhere was getting a cat so building roots has been so unreal to me wow but I think that really

puts into perspective just how like crazy you know maybe you're like this whole like path of being

like an athlete has kind of been and I think this whole idea of like building roots and committing

so deeply like somewhere that I feel like sailing you said what you really loved about it was

you got to travel around the world and see all these different cultures but at the same time that

also meant you didn't get to like experience something more like quote like normal right and

yeah really finding something like yeah somewhere and settling and wow that's like Australians

North South Asians everybody will understand this when you get onto the circuit a lot of stuff is

based in Europe so European athletes they get to go home in between the events we don't you know

you go over there you're there for like three months you go home you're there for a couple weeks

and then you're going back you've gone from months and months at a time so that developing your

home base it really doesn't happen European athletes are very fortunate in the aspect that they get

to have that home life but when you're from outside of Europe you don't you are traveling like

crazy to get to events for me and sailing that is what truly starts to wear on athletes like the

outside of the European continent that starts to wear people down living out of your suitcase

and being on the road all the time away from family and loved ones that is so so difficult wow

yeah and and I think it's it's kind of crazy how doing that for so long that's what's not actually

normal starts to feel like normal and this is what you're used to whereas yeah if like you told

somebody else like this is what I experienced on like a daily basis they'd be like what like

that's absolutely insane yeah wow I think I think that gives actually a really good snapshot into what

that whole experience is kind of like and how also putting into perspective how like this transition

has kind of been for you and for all those athletes out there like honestly if I lived in Europe

I probably would want to keep sailing wow yeah but I just the traveling I don't want to be away

from my family anymore you know it's so hard like you just you want to get a home life so

I wanted to get a home life you know I'm 38 years old I want to have like a proper family all

that stuff but you can't do that if you're going all the time if I lived in Europe and I can come

back and forth be fantastic yeah and and a way it also speaks to like all the sacrifices you've had

to make us it's like an athlete as well and there's like really really big trade-offs too like

you said you know social media it all looks so like perfect and wonderful these things that can

take like two of you right yeah exactly oh oh goodness sorry I think this has all been you know

so wonderful and I've really learned so much and it's it's really been like such a pleasure talking

to you today I just want to ask one last question if that's okay yeah I feel like you know in general

your story has been defined by like a lot of like resilience and perseverance and kind of

navigating things that I think sometimes feel like are really like unexpected I just wanted to

ask you know if you have like one like piece of advice to kind of give to people out there who

might be starting out sailing or thinking you took going to this path or maybe who are

not doing sailing at all but just like interested in hearing more like what that would kind of be

yeah oh you know one of the best things my mom taught me was and it's only dealt with people

she said you know you gotta take a person for the good and the bad I don't like the word bad but

we'll just say like maybe things that you don't vibe with as well right so to same thing with your

career and everything people want perfectionism they want everything to be great whether you're

looking at your sport or let's say human they always want to take the good but if you truly

want to commit to something and go full force and the stuff you have to take it for everything from

A to Z you know right to left there's going to be ups and downs there's going to be you know

these amazing moments fantastic positive moments and there's going to be down moments and

for me that is just that's life you can't expect everything to be perfect and so you know when

you do have a setback you went as a positive and you went as growth and something that is going

to teach you and it's going to make you a better person so for me if you're going into sport

go into it because you love it except that you're going to have ups and downs except that some

moments are going to be tough some moments are going to be absolutely so much fun you know go into

all of the things in life and go I want to experience everything that comes with this road and

it's the same thing with your life I want to experience everything I can in life that means the

good and the bad because it's just showing you that you're living life to the fullest take a

chance on yourself really be brave and courageous to put yourself out there because you don't want to

live your life with regret so never ever look back and go oh I wish I did that if you have moments

like that currently in your life learn from it and from now going forward say in every single moment

how can I do everything I can to be the best version of myself until learning to keep growing

so don't plateau in life keep trying to expand and just know like hey this might be a tough moment

but I'm going to do everything I can to become a better person and to expand all my horizons so

yeah that's that's just my whole theory on everything I'm doing in life and it has translated well

in athletics you know family relationships business gotta keep growing sorry again I think you

just put it so beautifully and summarized everything so well um and I really don't think I could

think of like a better way to like have silly everything and just taking it off from left to right

to A to Z good and bad and kind of just accepting that things are going to happen and kind of being

okay with that instead of living in like the fear and the waters and the anxiety and then regretting

it afterwards um for sure so yeah uh thank you so much again today for everything yeah no problem

thanks for wanting to use for me I really appreciate it it's great to talk and like I love it

it's great thank you so much

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until next time I'm Zian and this is Unstoppable