Episode 185: Interview with Alison Conklin

0:00Hey, everybody, Mark Znoski here. Before we start this episode, I just wanted to give a couple of notifications. One, this interview with Alison Conklin is something that I do pretty much every year. And if anybody who's listened to the show before has heard previous interviews with her, everybody will know that I think she's the goat. I think she is just such an amazing photographer. I think she's just such an amazing person. She is the top of the mountain in my book. So yeah, in this episode, I fanboy a lot. And if you think I'm sounding a little bit more pathetic than usual, it's because I'm probably sounding a little bit more pathetic than usual. I apologize about me. Again, she's just such an inspiration.

1:00And between her photography and her magazine that she has started from scratch, yeah, it's just such a joy to chat with her. So I just wanted to bring that up to you guys, so it's not a surprise. The second thing is that my microphone, I think, was doing a little bit of weird stuff during the episode. Now I don't know how much of that I can clean up, but it was a shock to me that I bought a new microphone. So I am speaking on the new microphone right now, but the podcast that I recorded with her was on my old microphone. So I don't know if there's going to be a whole lot of difference. I hope there is. I'm not an audio guy, but I try to be. So just wanted to put that out there. I apologize for being too nerdy and to apologize for the audio. So knowing that, enjoy the show.

2:11Welcome to Fuji Love. This is the show that is all about the Fuji Film X series and GFX cameras. But more importantly, it's about the photographers who love to use them. I'm Mark Sidovsky, and this show is brought to you by Fuji Love magazine. For the latest and greatest in all things, Fuji Film X series and GFX, whether it's news, interviews, and so much more, head on over to FujiLove.com. Subscribe today, and now on with the show. That's just so good. I'm so glad that, first of all, I love the work that you did with the HCMA, that picture that you took of the family member listening to her part. I still think about that. I love that photo so much, and I'm just so grateful that when asked, who did I know, that could shoot that? And I was like, Mark could shoot that.

3:13So I'm so glad that everything aligned and you were able to be there. That is still my probably one of one of my most favorite photos I've ever taken in my life. It was that knew that was a profound moment happening. Wedding photography taught me this, and I think I might have bumped like two or three people just to line up that shot. I mean, you know, and that's what's really special is, is there was nothing fancy about that, right? It was just a true real moment. You didn't bring in backdrops or create like smoke or, you know, have a crazy lighting set up. It was just like, and it's just so powerful. And I think sometimes as photographers, we get so lost in all the gear and all the fun toys that are out there and like, oh, I could like, I could have brought in light from this side and made it like, you know, like, you don't need that. That photo speaks for itself. Anyone who understands what's going on, as soon as you say, you know, what's happening,

4:14it's like, oh, like crap, like that is just a, that's an amazing image, right? And that's, and I think sometimes just it's great to have that reminder that you don't need anything but your own self and your like instincts and whatever camera you have in your hand. Yep. Totally. And yeah, that was, that was such a great night. I really wish you could have been there. But I mean, if you were there, then I wouldn't have been there, but, um, but it was, the people were amazing. The dedication, what was just profound, like, you hear a lot of negativity in the healthcare sector right now because of costs and, and, and, well, well, money, really, um, there's a lot of distrust happening in, in the world and to see people that are really dedicated to, to making a change, like sincerely, and, to, to see that dedication firsthand is

5:21just, it's, I don't know how to say it. Yeah. No, I mean, there's a lot of beautiful, yeah, a lot, there's a lot of beautiful people. There's a lot of beautiful things that people are doing to help others, even at this time where the world feels like it's on fire. And I think, you know, sometimes you get so bogged down by just life in general plus, like the world at large. And you forget to notice all the people that are helping and doing and making changes and trying to make the world a better place. And I think, you know, to have a little insight to that, you know, it sticks with you. Yeah. So speaking of changing the world, you are the, still the managing editor, still the creator of bonus days, still an amazing magazine. How many issues have you had? Oh my gosh. Okay. So there have been five in print and we just sent the sixth one today to print. Nice. So I know it's, um, I just love working on this so much.

6:23You know, there's just such a, I mean, obviously, I'm a winning photographer, that is what I do. That is how I, you know, that is my work. But to have a passion project, which is something I did not have for a decade or more. Yeah. Because I mean, one of the photography was my passion. It still is, but there was just something that would need to be separate from something that was a quote unquote, job in bonus days is certainly that. I mean, it is just a passion project that I just love and I think about and sending it off to print today is sort of this like excitement and it's like a thrill. And it's also like, I feel like I could throw up because it's just my entire heart. I mean, it's 92 pages, which is the biggest, any issues and the last issue that we used your photo in that one was, that was 82 and that was the biggest at that point. And now we're 10 pages larger and, you know, I can't even, there's just a lot of goodness

7:25in this one. I'm excited for people to read it. I have my first celebrity, which is fun. That's pretty awesome. Yeah. Thanks. So, can I tell you a funny story about the issue that my photo was in? Yes. This was my, I like to, I like to playfully say that it was my Mike Wazowski moment. It was, so anybody who's seen Monster's Inc anytime Mike Wazowski's getting something, it's covered up and he's still super excited. So I bring into the magazine, I have my wife, I'm like, I mean, my photo is in this, looking through, we went through the whole magazine and I'm like, oh, I didn't see it. It's probably, let's check again. And then I realized that I remember you telling me that you wanted to use it as a background. And so I looked to the, I'm looking at the backgrounds and I see that it is the background,

8:25two-page spread, but the text box was also two-page spread in my wife is like, oh, I'm sorry, I'm like, I mean, this is awesome. Yeah. No, I mean, you know, it did do as far, I mean, I just love that image of the hammock when I saw that, I was like, oh my gosh, like I don't have anything, we get color changes here in Pennsylvania, but not like you do where you are. And so just having that in the fall issue, like the fall winter issue was like so good. And yeah, I don't know, I just, and your name is in the contributing photographers in the front, if you saw it, so. Yep, I saw that, it's awesome. So yeah, so that wedding that I did was, was a little bit of an allotment, well, not a little bit of, it was an allotment. There was a bride that, it was second marriage for both her and her fiance, and it was just going to be them and their kids.

9:28And she had no idea how she wanted to do it. She wanted to hire me, but she was trying to find a place and asking for availability for certain places. She gave me some places that she was looking into. And I'm like, yeah, you're looking for peak wedding season and you're asking for place venues that are probably already booked and wanting tens of thousands of dollars. And so I worked with her to find a suitable place, like maybe some public place, some like public lands or a park, a forest or anything like that. And then I'm like, why don't you just find an Airbnb? And so she was like, yeah, that's a great idea. And so she found an Airbnb and then sent me the link of the location. She's like, what do you think of this location? I'm like, not only have I seen this location, I've done a wedding here.

10:33So. Yeah, it was it was amazing coincidence. And the location that is now an Airbnb was going to be like a wedding reception place. Like it was out in the middle of the woods. It has like a series of islands that are connected by these like intricate bridges. And like it's just like this little bit of heaven in the white mountains. And there was this facility that they had that was turning into a wedding reception. The original time that I was there didn't have a name. Really didn't have an address. They sent me GPS coordinates instead. So I'm like, oh, okay, this is new. Right. Love of panic. Yeah. But but I got there and I mean, it was gorgeous and I couldn't wait for this place to turn into a venue, but it never did. Now it's just an Airbnb. Well, it worked out.

11:33I mean, isn't it funny like part photographer, part wedding planner, part therapist? Like it's like all the things, right? Yeah, you got to be the seamstress. You got to be the the tie handler. It is. It is a great feeling to be able to pull that out. Like your photographing and there's still problems. All right, all right. I got the Candid's ear. Grab my bag. Get the sewing kid out. Help bustle the dress. And it's like, all right, we got it done. Yeah. Yeah, it's all that I have. I have a Swiss Army knife. I'm doing a lot of the talking. I apologize. I have a Swiss Army knife that is just hooks for for for for dresses. So like anybody is having problem buttoning. It's like, all right, let me grab this. Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing. And it's done. And it was such a great feeling. It is awesome to be able to to pull that out.

12:34Yeah, I did that's I didn't even know that existed. So neither did I until last year. Founded by accident. But your magazine is just really amazing. The stories in there are inspiring. Tell me how this journey has been progressing. Like since the last time we chatted, you know, things were just kicking off. But now that you're like a year into it, you know, what have what has changed? What is what are things that you're bringing into it that that are have, tell me the story. Yeah, well, I think when we first started, I feel like I had just come out with the first issue. I feel like it was that first one. So that was like, you know, everything's like brand new. And you're so excited. And that book was only 40 pages. And since then, right, it continues to grow every time. I think the second magazine was 64.

13:34And it's just like obviously now we're at 92. You know, and I'm still telling stories all over the United States. You know, I've gone to California, Arizona. This time I went to Wisconsin. I actually, I'm sure you're familiar with my chart. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So the company who makes my chart is Epic. And so I met two gentlemen from Epic at a Donate Life America event last year. And we ended up having this chat of this incredible story that I was like, wait, I need to tell this story. So that like random little like meetup at this like little social event turned into like all these Zoom calls and emails. And eventually I flew to Madison, Wisconsin. And photographed a story there at the headquarters of Epic, the people who make my chart. And I'm so excited. It's a beautiful story. Just a quick synopsis, spoiler alert. It's like if you, it was this employee of Epic who had a newborn.

14:36And at three months was told that that newborn needed a liver transplant. And right three months old. And you know, she went through that experience. And every month the company does a company wide. Why we do what we do, you know, why it matters. And there's like little testimonials, you know, kind of like a all hands-on meeting. She got up and said how and how wonderful it was to have my chart to be able to see her daughters. Like, you know, information and testing and being like at the fingertips of knowing what's going on and how everything's coming back and how that was really like impactful. Her sharing the story inspired a large amount of the population of employees at Epic to then become organ donors, like living organ donors where they would donate their kidney, donate half their liver, you know, donate blood, donate bone marrow. Wow. And so like that ripple effect. And then, you know, kind of like inspired all these people by just sharing your story of what you're experiencing. And now Epic also allows you to sign up to be an organ donor in within your own my chart,

15:42which is like so amazing. And it's just a really another easy way to kind of help. So anyway, it was that story of like just this ripple effect. It was really cool. I mean, it was amazing to be like if you would have asked me when we had this last podcast, if I thought that in like a year and a half, I'd be flying to Verona, Wisconsin, to photograph the people of Epic. I would be like, I don't even know any, I've never been to Wisconsin. Like, what are you talking about? So, you know, like that is just remarkable. The people that I've met are amazing. It inspires me so much and working on this project is incredible. I'm sort of in the midst, you know how like if you've ever had a passion project, like where you're sort of like, this is the greatest idea I've ever thought of. And then other days you're like, this is the stupidest thing I've ever done. I called them weekdays. Right. Yes, 100%. That's all right. So like, you know, I know how much I get out of it. I only say that because I'm still very much self-funding it. And I do that because I believe in it.

16:43It's certainly not a sustainable thing that I can continue for a long time. But, you know, I just keep hoping that more people will see it. And each time I come out with an issue, it does grow, you know, by pages, but also by people knowing about it and buying it. And the responses I get are remarkable. I did win an award for it last year. I got to go to San Francisco at the World Transplant Congress and accept award for patient advocacy for creating bonus days. And so I got to stay in in a room with hundreds of transplant doctors and people that are involved in the behind the scenes of that. And just, you know, say thank you. And I mean, it's just so crazy. I mean, I think it's just, I'm so glad I did this. And I think that when I think about myself three years ago, four years ago, like I could never imagine that this would have been my like trajectory right now, not that like, I think just like not knowing what your life is going to hold, right?

17:43Like, and I think that's the part that we can all get so stuck on is like you think it's going to be like something like what it is right now forever. And you just have no idea where it's going to go. And I, when someone, when they told me I needed a heart transplant, I was so closed, lipped about it. I didn't talk about it until eight or nine months post me actually having the surgery. And now I won't shut up about it. But like, you know, I went from being so scared to share it because I was afraid that people would like judge me or think that I would think that I was like weak or whatever. And now, you know, it's a big part of my who I am than my personality. And it's just funny how it all changes. So I just set a lot of words really quickly. But hopefully you got something out of that like it just, I don't know. It is all profound. I mean, your, what you experienced is, I mean, it doesn't get more on the nose than life changing. It's, you, you faced, you, you faced death, looked at it in the eyes.

18:48And to call game of thorns, thorns, not today. Right. And that is, that is amazing. The amount of courage that you were, you had no choice but to face. And coming out on top and taking that experience and turning it into something that is helpful to everybody else that that may be looking as this is their future. It's showing that there is, there is hope that there are people there to, to help you, to make this change that a person may have to undergo into something that is not as ugly.

19:48Um, you know, there, there's a lot of fear and anxiety that goes into all of this. And it, it, it, that, that, even giving a little bit of hope goes a long way. And I, I think, I mean, bonus days has to continue. It's, I don't want to see it go, uh, at all. Not that it's going anywhere, but again, you mentioned it's self-funded. But we'll change that. I know, I'm really hoping. I mean, it's just, if you think about how many beautiful health magazines are out there and there are incredible ones, they all start from this place of health, how to keep heart healthy, how to keep your liver healthy. But if that is not, like, that was never my story, right? I was diagnosed and I was a kid with a heart disease. So I just instantly felt isolated. And I think having just a health magazine to say, like, hey, wherever you are, life is still beautiful.

20:50It can still be remarkable, no matter what the treatment plan is, no matter what your diagnosis is. Like, let's walk through it and you're not the only one going through it. And I think that is the big thing. Because then when I'm sure you experience it too, like when I have like, bouts of like sadness and depression and feeling like overwhelmed in whatever this experience is, I'm like, I can't believe I'm the, everyone else seems to be living this best life, right? That social media we're all putting our best stuff out there. And you're just like, you scroll through and you're like, oh my gosh, like, I don't even, I don't even know. And then I think having a break from seeing everyone's highlight reels and being able to open a page that maybe, you know, you could read something and you can be like, you could not along and say, oh my gosh, I feel exactly that same way. Or you see scars that look like yours. Or, you know, there's just an understanding. It's just a really beautiful thing. And I think, you know, the version of me as 13 being diagnosed with a heart disease and like losing my mom a few months later would have done anything, right? Instead, I was reading like 17 magazine, right?

21:53And that's, they never showed anybody with a chronic illness or a disease. You know, and so this is just a combination of my life's work professionally and you know, it's really stretched to me beyond what I thought I was capable of. I'm writing most of the magazine, i.e. self-funded. And, you know, I'm photographing 95% of it, you know, and it's just, it's made me a bit of a photographer in terms of just how I come about my regular work, like my weddings and, you know, other editorial that I do beyond bonus days, it's made me better. And I think that's going to be true for any photographer that wants to start a passion project. Maybe you have a, like, some kind of series you want to do or some kind of project that you've jumped up. It's like, just do it. Like, I think me post-alison post transplant is like, I have a finite number of days and I feel like I'm running my life in a time of like,

22:55I feel like I'm running out of time. I just want to do it because, you know what, we all don't know. None of us know. Hard transplant or not. None of us know how much time we have left. So if you want to do something, go do it. Like, and my husband's favorite thing to say is like, we were going to retire, but now we have a magazine, you know, like, you know, and it's just sort of like true, but also like, at the end of it, I really, if I didn't do this and did nothing, but I really want to start this. I wish I would have, at the end of my whatever day happens to be my last, I would be tragically sad over that. And even if the end result is, yep, I could do six issues and that's all I could do. I know from the responses I've received, those six issues helped people. And if it made one person feel less alone or if it signed one person up to be an organ donor because they were inspired and they understood all of the misinformation was misinformation out there and it made them be like, I can check the box when I go renew my license or go to my chart and check the box, then like, it's a success.

23:55Yeah. I mean, obviously, I hope I can figure out a way. I always feel like the right person or the right company will see it and understand it and feel the hope on the pages and see the passion behind it and realize that we should sponsor this. Like, obviously, that is the hope, but regardless of how that turns out. And again, you never know how your life was going to in good bad ways. You never know what's going to happen. Totally. It's weird looking back at all the key moments of our life where things were really bad forked into something that turned out to be a positive. In some cases, in some cases, it really forked into something really bad and I had to wade myself out of it, but it's, yeah, it's bizarre. Like, I turned 50 last month.

24:58Well, not last month. It's still March. Jesus, I am 15 and so. It's a long winter. Congrats. Happy birthday. Yeah, thank you. I'm grateful that you're this. All my birthdays, I've always really ignored, except for this one. For some reason, like, I just, it just hit me weird. I think it's because of the day before I got laid off from my day job. Oh, no. That is, yeah. And I have no ill will towards my day job. I had a good experience with them. It is what it is and I totally understand. And I'm not trying to make this a sorry point, but it is a profound moment for me right now because, like, photography has always been the other thing that I do to make, it was always the additional thing. Now, I'm thinking, this is now or never, like, I can make photography the thing.

26:07And give it a try. I have a little bit of time, like, a little bit of a buffer to make it happen. And so, like, yes, I'm still looking for a new job. But I am going gung-ho with the photography business. And yeah, I think I have, for wedding photography, I think I have a good 10 years left that I can keep up with it. But then, like, you introduced me to the corporate side of photography, which I really enjoyed. I didn't think I would, but I did. And I think I'm all right at it. Yes, clearly you are. Yes. So, I'm, like, I'm approaching things at so many different levels. Yeah, that's kind of where I'm at. This is becoming a very therapeutic moment for me.

27:09Sorry, this is supposed to be about you. No, I have trust me. I'm a person that doesn't need it to be about me. So, I think, I mean, I'm so sorry, of course, about losing your job. And there's just so much that goes along with that, you know, supporting a family and all that stuff. But also, it's sort of, like, when I find myself being in a complete panic about change, it's kind of like, I take a couple days as a spiral. And then I get out of the spiral and I just take a look at it from far. And I'm like, I guess this could be anything I want it to be. Yes, yes, you know, and like, and sometimes we fall flat on our face. I'm not here to tell you that every single time you think you're going to, like, it's going to work out. Of course not. That's not life. But you have no idea which direction it's going to go. And I just think it's just so, like, it's almost the fun part is these moments where it's like a little bit of panic, a little bit of unnerving. You feel like it could throw up at any time.

28:11But yet, it's like, wait, hold on. My life doesn't have to be just this nine to five forever if I don't want it to be. Or whatever it is that you're trying to, you know, work your way through. I don't know. There's a bit of like euphoria and vibrancy that happens in these moments of complete unknowing what's going to happen tomorrow. I'll look back and think that. Yes, I know. And it's much easier to say when you're not in the middle of it. But it's exciting that you are, like, you are, even just you saying, like, I'm actually thinking and considering that I could do something else full time. Is it a huge progress? Like, can you, like, would you have thought that 10 years ago? I have thought that for a long time, but never really acted on it because the day job was always, you know, it was easy to have.

29:12And it allowed me to do things, but I never really did it. I never really could go full throttle because of the day job. But I was doing it just enough to say, hey, I'm good at this. I'm getting that fulfillment. But now I want more. Yeah, I mean, you are an incredible photographer with a really beautiful eye. And you understand why I have a really good mentor. You're so kind. It's you. You take that credit for yourself. But it's just, you know, I don't know. I just think I'm really excited because I mean, I've heard you talk about it for a long time that you wanted to do this full time. And here you are. And like, uh, that's crossroads of like, let's try it. And same thing, I mean, like, I hope that bonus days continues. And I hope that it gets picked up somewhere. And I hope that we keep going. But if it doesn't, it doesn't mean I failed, right?

30:15It doesn't mean like how could that? How could me putting like literal my heart on a page be failing in any, in any realm of any world me going for something and not turning out how I thought it would does not mean I failed. So I think if you just let go of the idea that if it doesn't work out just like this, I'm failure. I'm not good enough. I didn't work hard enough. I didn't desert like you got to let go of that stuff and just kind of like, judge forward and say like, I'm going to go for this. And I have no idea how it's going to end. And however it does work out is how it works out. And that's a success just on its own because I decided to say yes and try. Because I've learned through this so many people have so many dreams. So many people say they're going to do things. And I would say 75% people don't. Yeah. For valid reasons because it's scary, because it's hard, because of finances, because of stress, because of family. But I'm also like, let's just do it.

31:17Just try it. You never know. Yeah. And failing at it can open the door to something else like. Exactly. Early in college, I felt that I was going to be destined to be a great American author. I was a writer. I wrote, I even managed to write two books. They were very bad. I could say that now looking back at it. But it was through writing that introduced me to photography. And once I saw, once I got a bit by the photography bug, the writing thing just kind of moving over to this thing. To your point, keep an open mind during your journey. And you'll be surprised at what happens where it will lead you. I think that how new your CV always comes around.

32:20We always have like resolutions. And I'm going to, you know, with a very, you know, I'm going to lose 10 pounds. I'm going to eat more healthy. I'm going to walk every day. I'm going to whatever it is. I think if we just like let go of what we assume the goal should be, and just kind of stretch forward and whatever we really hope. And just seeing where it goes, that's enough. Just do what you want to do. Like just go and do what you dream of doing and what you hope to do. And see where the story goes. Because again, exactly right. Like you thinking one thing for your life, turning into another, finding a new passion, right, is led you here. And same thing, bonus days. I hope like every part of my being hopes that I can figure out a way to keep this thing sustainable and keep going. If not, I hope that beyond helping people, I hope that it could maybe lead me to a career where I get to do something like this. Because I love it. And honestly, I think I'm good at it. And you are awesome at it. It is. I mean, thanks. Everybody should go to bonus day, bonusdaymagazine.com, right?

33:24It's yeah, bonus days mag or bonus days magazine. We'll take you there at bonusdaysmag.com. And just for case in point, it is myself. It is a designer who is so talented. Her name is Taylor. And my friend Shelby, who is like my copy editor, who, you know, I'm always bouncing ideas off of. And she's reading everything. And finding ways and bringing her genius and to elevate things and my husband. And it is the tiniest little team of people. You know, and there's just something so special about saying to people that you love like, hey, I have this crazy idea. Would you be on board? And then watching those people take what you love and just put themselves into it too. And have it become something even more beautiful than you've ever anticipated. And I feel so grateful to be working with each one of those people. And obviously being married to one of those people. But, you know, I mean, I don't think we're an island. And we have to have people that help us along the way.

34:26But if there's anything that I want everyone to get out of, it's three things. One, go for whatever is in your heart. Go do it. And, you know, don't do it with a, with a, with an answer of how it must end or it won't be successful. Just go do it. And that's success, right? It doesn't, um, the hockey guy, uh, Wayne Gretski, you miss a hundred of the, 100% of the shots you don't take. Yep. You know, like, I've always said that to my kids too. Like, you know, they said to me, I'm going to do this. So I really want to do this. And I was like, cool, apply. It's already a no if you don't apply. Like, you know, and now my kids going off to grad school for physics. It's like, just, it's going to be a no if you don't do anything. So if you get another no after you try, okay? It stings a little bit but then you move on. Two, I hope you go to bonus days mag.com and check it out. And, um, and three, consider being an organ donor. Yes. A little plug for that, you know, you don't know whose life you could save. And it's, it's a remarkable thing. And it's truly, it's only about kindness.

35:28I mean, in a world that is full of so much hatred and judgment and sides, it's like, it doesn't, I don't know, anything about the man who saved my life. I don't know what he had to breakfast, what he liked to eat, what how he had his coffee, what he believed, what kind of sports he liked, what political side he was. I know nothing. And you know, it doesn't matter. He decided and his family decided to go with his wishes. And they saved my life. And I think if we just as a community of people realized that life is so much bigger than picking sides and you know, deciding that we don't like someone because of something love is just love in its true form is unconditional. And I'm so grateful for that family. And whoever they are, um, you know, I wouldn't be here talking to you if it wasn't for them. So and yes, I am very grateful for your, your old organ donor.

36:33You are, I don't mean to sound corny, but you really are this bright sunshine. Like God, like you were always bright prior to your surgery. Like you were, you were my inspiration. Like the moment I found out who you were. And after post surgery, like there was just something that just clicked. And and the best way I could describe it is you were the same person. But the volume went to 11. A little bit of spinal tap there. I don't know. But it just, you just, you just took off. And it was like, God damn.

37:36I mean, thank you. I'm terrible with compliments. So thank you. You were me both. Thank you for saying that. But you know, it was the first, I mean, it was the very first time in 42 years that I had a healthy heart. And I was like, wow, you know, and transplant is not a cure. So it is a treatment plan. So I'm very aware that my days are numbered. But there are so many amazing patients out there that have had heart transplants for 20 plus years. And that is absolutely incredible. But and I just have this like fire that it, you know, you realize that life is so short. I don't know how much time I have. Nobody does. And I just want to do what I want to do. And I feel like this gift of this transplant comes with such a great responsibility to leave the light on for anyone else that could be coming behind me. And I know how hard I've struggled. Like there have been hard days, hard weeks, hard months, hard years.

38:37And it has been really lonely. And I just want to try to ease anyone else that could be going through. I guess anyone else is going through the human experience. Because I think life in general is hard. Life in general. Yeah, it's it's it's everybody. And yeah, it's I mean, I mean, God, the magazine that you that you have created, like from the get go from issue number one, you would not believe that this is brand new. Like it looks professional right out the gate. Like you would think that this has been going on forever. And like and it's just gotten better and better with each passing issue. So, you know, I can't wait to see what else you you and your team will create. And that that is amazing. That it's just a small group of people that are working on this, this dedication.

39:40It's unreal. I mean, just the designer alone, I mean, she think of that. She designed 92 pages and a cover front back inside, you know, like back cover. Like she did that's the work of 10 to 20 people. And she did it on her easily easily. You know what I mean? And it's and it's this cover that we have a Scott Pollard on the front. She like, hand drew. I said, I texted to you before we jumped on like, she hand drew it. And it's really. So yeah, she hand drew on her iPad, like, you know, the little squiggly lines. Yeah, like the whole thing. And it's just so cool. And I just, I'm so proud of it. We have like such good stories. I have in this new one that's coming out to pilots like people who fly either patients or organs to be transplanted to the people. Like I think we forget how many people go along and saving someone's life. It's not just the surgeon, right? It obviously starts with a donor. And then it goes from the family that has to say yes. And then it goes to the person that is going to transplant

40:43their transport the organ and, you know, and all the nurses and the doctors and the people and the people that like clean all the instruments to be used. I mean, like, it is just enormous. How many time how many people it takes to save someone's life and make a day better. And it's like it's just this ripple effect. And this whole issue is about that. And I couldn't be prouder. And I just hope that like, even if you've never heard the word transplant in your daily life, that you would still be like inspired to pick up the magazine and read it and and see how beautiful the life life is really. You know, like I love that Fred Rogers quote where he's like whenever the world feels dark, just look around for the helpers. You know, like yes. And that's what this is. It's just like there are people every day going to work and helping other people. Just look around. Just like get outside of your bubble and just look around. That's amazing. It's all this work.

41:44How do you find time for the photography? How's the wedding photography been? It's good. It's good. We have a lot of fun weddings this year lined up. It's, I kind of try to do the weddings. The weddings usually have seasons, right? We're really busy and the fall we're really busy. Maybe a little bit in the summer. And so, you know, I obviously this issue came out in April for Donate Life Month, but technically not that busy in January, February, March when I was working on it. So, you know, you can do two things at once and you can just kind of make it work with your schedule. I'm also, I don't, I used to. In the very beginning, I was like, I will come out with an issue every certain month or whatever. And then I'm like, well, I can make the rolls here. If I know that I would rush it and it wouldn't be as good, then we're going to push it. The last issue was technically going to be a November first issue and it ended up coming out a little bit later in November. So, we ended up making a winter instead of fall. And who cares?

42:44Like, yeah. Nobody cares. Like, you know, there's no set rules to this. And certainly just, we know, we're just following the dream and figuring out what works and and juggling it all. Yeah. Perfect. Yeah. That is awesome. So, I got to ask, with the wedding photography, are you still sporting the, the GFX or are you sticking with the X system? I still have used both. I love the GFX system so much. I just actually took the RF version of it to California with me last week. And gosh, have you used the GFX RF? I have. I love it. I love everything about it except for the focal length. That is probably the deal killer because I love staying in the 50 millimeter equivalent range. And it's just too wide for me.

43:48But, you know, that's why I have an X100. Yeah. I mean, I just, I love it. I love the files. Oh, no, I don't, I'll never switch. I'll be a Fuji film forever. And I can't wait to see what comes up next. I have no idea. I just, you know, it's all so good. Yeah. It's an exciting time to with the next generation coming up on the Fuji film cameras. I'm super stoked to see what they, what they come up with. I hope it's going to be successful for them. They really nailed it with the XE5. Have you played with that camera? I have not. What's telling me about it? It's just beautiful. It is, it is as close you get, you're going to get to an X Pro 4 without having an X Pro 4 out.

44:49It is, I don't know what it is, but I've always loved the XE camera line, except for the XE1. I think it should burn in hell. I had a bad experience with the XE1. But the XE2 went full 180 and just completely changed my life. In fact, I got to tell you this story. I'm looking through old photos because I'm like redoing my website and trying to just find like the best of the best of my stuff. And so I went back to, I don't know if this was 2014. Maybe it was sooner, I don't remember, but the wedding that I photographed, where I was using an X, no, I'm sorry, Canon 5D, I think I was using the 5D Mark III at this point. And this is the wedding that made me fall in love with the Fujifilm image,

45:53the Fujifilm colors, because the photos from my Canon were so much different than the photos from the XE camera. And I had the XE2 with the 35 millimeter lens on it. And like, God, the colors were just so vibrant. And I was like, oh, this is the moment that I made the commitment to switch. But yeah, it was fun to look at. I'd love to share the photos, but they're awful. I can't really look that far back. It's not funny how that works out, but I mean, I think that's a beautiful thing. We're all growing. I mean, I think every photographer, I mean, me and everyone, we could all look and think like, oh, yeah, I don't want to look back at my images from 20 years ago. I was like, oh, what was I thinking? So, but that's about creating your own voice and style and continuing with it and growing and learning and, you know, but now I'm in the same experience. I was shooting Canon my whole

46:58life, my whole career. Yeah. Yeah. And then I picked up a Fujifilm camera and I was like, wait, hold on, what? Wait. See, it's like kind of a moment in the movie where it's all black and white and then suddenly you pick something up and it's all in color, like, you know, like the Wizard of Oz, like, yeah, just, yeah. My life has changed. But it's funny, like, looking back at that camera, looking back at those cameras too, like I picked up an X100, an original X100 and the menu system in there, I'm like, what the freak is this? How did I use this camera? How do they follow up with this camera? Yeah. Yeah. And so the camera lines come a long way. But the XE5, yes, brilliant camera, brilliant design, the ergonomics, I think, are just perfect. It's, it is the perfect sibling to the X100. It is like that kind of connection with the camera. And 5 is my lucky number. So nice. Well, you've been sorry. I'll have to go. You've influenced me.

48:04I'll have to go check it out. There you go. Okay, pressure. Yes. I'm here for any. I will own that camera soon. I need to book a few weddings first. What do you see the future with bonus days? Like, where do you see it growing? Are you planning on doing anything like a mobile version? Like, kind of akin to what Fuji love magazine does? Like, maybe like a PDF version? I know. I always throw that around. It's hard because I'm such a print lover. Like, I love holding it. And I love a magazine. I love the format of printing. I mean, the reason why I picked up and did pages was because I wanted to give people off the screens because when you're in the hospital, all you do is screw, right? Like, there's that part of it. But yet, like, the first issue is completely sold out. And the second issue, I have four left. So I, and those, it's not like a magazine that goes out of style. All the stories are evergreen. It's, you know, we're not, we're talking about resilience and strength and hope and inspiration. So like, you can read that

49:0770 anytime. So there's a part of me that thinks that I will probably start putting some online. Like, once they get to a certain, once we get out of print or things like that, it's just figuring that out. You know, again, I explained where the tiniest little team. And so it's, you know, it's all, everything goes right into planning a magazine. And there's no time for anything else. So now I'm like, okay, now that I can take a breath, we've sent it to print. Maybe I can work on that. So I, the future, honestly, I hope it just keeps going. I mean, my hope with this magazine was always to have centers by it in bulk and give it to the patients, like whether they're in patient, whether they've just been told they need a transplant, whether they're coming in for their 10-year evaluation. Like, here you go. And I do have Yale, UT Southwestern, Penn and NYU buying it in bulk. There's so many more centers that I would love to get. And I feel like that would help sustain. Obviously, if I had 20 different centers buying them in bulk for their patients, that would be incredible. I think it's an amazing opportunity for like a company to come in and say,

50:13this is what, you know, like reaching patients on this level. I mean, it's such a niche market, but it's really not, if you think about how many people are on the wait list and it, you know, throughout the United States. So I think it would be an incredible opportunity for any company to come in and say, we'll sponsor it. We'll take it. We'll buy it from you. But you still, I still have all the power, right? I'm not really pushing power. But like, if, you know, in my head and in my dreams, that would be incredible. But honestly, I don't know. I, you know, every issue comes out. And I'm like, this is it. This is the one. It's going to people are going to people do love it. And this one that is coming out is the biggest. And it's got these, like, powerhouse stories, right? Scott Pollard. It has the pilots. It has Epic. It has a woman who, out of nowhere, needed an emergent liver transplant. And she's a vice principal of a high school. And now she spends her days talking to the DMV classes, like kids that are getting their driver's license to tell them about organ donation and what it means to click the box. It has a woman who received

51:17a kidney and a liver. She received her liver from her daughter who donated, you know, as a living donor and a friend who donated her kidney. And just like, it's just super powerful. It has two pharmacists from Yale who are talking about all the medications. And there's so much goodness in packaged in a really beautiful way that doesn't feel like you're reading a really boring printer from your doctor's office. And I think there's a lot of potential. I just need the right person or company to see it and share that excitement for it. I also think you should broaden your audience because it's so inspirational to so many people, like not just transplant folks. But because you're inspiring people to be donors, I think it should be the long tail. Like every doctor's office, every, every hospital from your lips to God's ears. Yes. You know, but like 100%. I mean, I, I don't, I think that's, I mean, that was a big thing when making it is I wanted to make it beautiful enough that anyone would pick it up. Even if you didn't

52:20understand what transplant was or even if the only knowledge you had of transplant was like grazen out of me, many of you know, and is he cut the cord? Like there's just something about you know, creating a space and creating something that's beautiful humanizes what it is to be someone living with chronic illness. You know, we certainly touch on cancer a ton in this in the magazines as well. I mean, I think that every office in the doctor's office in every place in the land should happen. But you know, I'm one girl trying to make this happen and we'll see what happens. That's the exciting part, right? I just, I just keep saying it to remind myself of that too. Well, if you need any additional help, I happen to have a free time. I know I'll have to find a patient out your way and you can shoot it. It'll be the, I haven't been traveling all over. So I would be like, I have a photographer in your area. Yeah,

53:23and you could write since you're right. I happen to be a writer as well. Yes. I'm a little bit rusty at that one, but I could work. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. I mean, who knows, I haven't even like, I've given the, you know, if I get to, if I'm lucky enough to get to do a seventh issue, I've given it some thought. I have some ideas, but I haven't thought at all about it. Yeah. But you never know. There you go. Yeah. Well, Alison, it's been amazing chatting with you again. I am really impressed with all the photography that you do and the work that you've just poured into this magazine. I'm so happy to shed some additional light to it. I hope anybody who's listening to this will go visit bonus stage magazine and, you know, subscribe and, you know, whatever they can do to help. Thank you. Yes. I appreciate it. Thank you for giving me the opportunity. It's always so good

54:26to catch up with you, regardless of what we're talking about. So I just appreciate that. Thank you for the therapy. Anytime. And I, you know, I'm really excited to see, you know, what this year looks like for you. Oh, fingers crossed. Yeah. Yeah. Say a prayer. It's an exciting part, right? It's that, like, you have no idea. And there's some kind of, like, you never know. That's kind of the fun part. Yeah. Not going to wood. Alison, really awesome. Tell the world where else they could find you on the web. Yeah. So you can follow my Instagram at Alison Conclan. There's one and Alison. And it's so it's ALI. So when C O N K L I N, um, an Instagram and Facebook is Alison Conclan photography. And I probably, I have a LinkedIn page, which is just Alison Conclan. So, yeah. Very cool. And Alison Conclan dot com. I just asked. Anywhere you'll find you'll find it. Yeah.

55:26One L and I'll be figured out. It's so funny. I, the one L is equivalent to my my saying mark with the C. Right. Right. Because I mean, and that's, you know, yes. And I'm sure can you ever find a keychain when you go to like a little trinket shop? Is there like with your name and spelled properly? No, never. Never. Like, I can't either. My husband's name is Jeff, but with the G he can never find. He's always like, they have Georgina, but they don't have Jeff, but the, you know, like, it's always this whole thing that we are always looking for. So I feel like it's the same for you. It's like almost there, but not quite. Right. You're like, which is even worse. Right. Yeah. Like, maybe I could just be marked with a K. I don't know. Never. Never. I know. I know. They need to change. Not me. Right. That's true. Is there a story over there? Why did their parents use the C? I was named after my sister's first grade boyfriend.

56:32Got it. Okay. Some reason. So my name is Mark Thomas Siddowsky. It was supposed to be Thomas, my name, but Thomas, much like the owner of Fuji Love Magazine, Thomas, T-O-M-A-S-Z, that's how my middle name is spelled. And that's what was supposed to be my first name. But then my sister somehow chimed in and got Mark instead. But in my household, I'm Tom. Yeah, everyone calls me Tom. Like, I've always gone by my middle name. It's just outside in the real world. It's Mark. Wow. And I'm assuming it's just just no longer with her mark? No, no, no. That that relationship didn't last after the first grade. That's so funny. Oh my gosh. Well, that's interesting. A little fun fact. Thank you for sharing that with everyone. Yeah. I don't think I've ever shared that part before. But yeah, that little little history about me in quite Monday. No, not at all.

57:41Everything's interesting. So I love it. It's all good. So I got asked now to to reciprocate. Why will only one L? Great question. I don't know that answer. I think that song, Alison, I, um, or like, there was like somebody that my mom knew whose name was Alison with one L, and it was that. But there's also, I don't, I mean, you know, that song, Alison, and like, I don't know the song. Like, I don't want to start singing it because I have the worst voice in the world. But, um, but I'm like, humming it in my head and like, don't do it, Alison, don't start singing. Um, uh, yeah, I don't remember her sings it, but I could look it up real fast. But yeah, I don't know. And so I think she just used that name. And then my middle, and my middle name is, um, Elizabeth. And yeah, but it's just, it is what it is. I guess I don't know. I don't know the cool answer. Yeah, I don't have a, I wish I could say my name is after my uncle's first grade girlfriend. But I want to know the song now. That's, uh, I know. Hold on,

58:49I'm like, uh, the song, Alison, people that know it are probably screaming right now into the void. Like, you idiot. It's, Linda Ronster. No, Elvis Costello. Oh, okay. Yeah, 1977. I think that's what it is. It's that song because I was born in 1980. So I'm sure that my parents must have heard that song. My parents loved music. Um, so it's a great song. And it was redone by another band that I actually love that version too. Um, but anyway, Elvis Costello's version is Alison with 1L and that I believe is where it came from. Nice. See, that is a cool story. It's, you know, my son's name is Jonas. And, um, everyone's like, oh, that's a very biblical name. And I was like, well, that's nice to be to say, but his, he was after, it's after, um, Weasers, my name is Jonas. My name is Jonas. You know, that song, like, yes, that's named after that. So,

59:50um, people, and like my other son's name is Moses. And it's just, people always think that it's a biblical reference, but it's not. And it's about Weaser. And I just happened to like the name, like Mo and I thought Joe Mo sounded good, you know, that's pretty cool. Yeah. Your kids are really awesome. Like, they are awesome. They look like they should be in a band. Yeah. I mean, my younger one, Moses has longer hair than I do. And, um, he, and I don't even have long hair, but his hair's long. And he, yeah, they're both so cool. My older one is going to grad school, and he's going to be a doctorate in physics. And that's all I can tell you about it, because it's way beyond my mental capacity. But what's interesting is both of my parents were, like, organic chemists. And, I always said as a kid, because I failed at science and math. It was terrible. It skipped a generation dad. And because now my kids are like geniuses in their own right. That's amazing. Who's the one that wears the funky glasses? That's Jonas. That's the kid that's going to grad school. Oh my god. That, I know. Yeah. He is charismatic. He is. I know. They're just, they're both,

1:01:01so they're such great kids. And I'm so proud of them. And I mean, honestly, just to be here to see them grow up never lost on me, because my mom died when I was 14. Yes. You know, so like she never got to see me graduate from high school or get married or, you know, do anything. So every moment, I am like, I can't believe I get to be here. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. Well, awesome chatting with you. And I can't wait to bring you back next time where I fumble over all my words. And no, it'll be good. Thank you for inviting me. I'm always excited. Thank you so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed the show. I hope you enjoyed the interview. And I just wanted to let you know that one more time, this podcast is brought to you by Fuji Love Magazine. For the latest and greatest in all things, Fujifilm X series or GFX cameras,

1:02:02the lenses, the photographers that use them, awesome stories, you'll find it all on FujiLove.com. Subscribe today. And one more time, my name is Mark Stowski. You could find me on Instagram and Twitter or X as they call it. Do a search for Mark Stowski. That's Mark with a C. And you could also find me on YouTube. I have my own channel called Filmmish. If you do a search for film, dash, ish, you'll find it. And yeah, enjoy it. The links are in the show notes as well. And yeah, it's my little journey using the Fujifilm cameras. Hopefully it's entertaining. Definitely put up to hear from you in the comments. Anyway, thank you once more for listening. Let me see you next time.