Episode 18 – Peter John - Parental Alienation is Coercive Control

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Episode 18

Guest – Peter Ellis

Tune in to today's Broken Fathers Podcast, where I sit down with Peter, a 36-year-old father from Brisbane who works in construction. Peter's story begins in Liverpool, UK, where he grew up in a hardworking council estate. He joined the British army in 2004 and left after the tragic loss of his mother in 2009.  

In 2011, Peter moved to Sydney with his then-partner. Six weeks later, she became pregnant. Peter honestly shares that their relationship was more of a best friendship, and cracks soon began to show. After securing his permanent residency, work became scarce in Sydney, leading Peter to work in Canberra for six days a week, a three-hour drive away, only returning to Sydney on Sundays to see his family.

While Peter worked tirelessly to provide, his partner decided they should downgrade to a smaller place. During his next day off, Peter helped move everything, cleaned the old house, and then asked for a spare set of keys for the new rental before driving back to Canberra. To his shock, she refused, revealing she had only used him to move everything and that their relationship was now over. That three-hour drive back to Canberra was the longest of his life.

Living in a garage in Canberra and paying $300 a week in child support, Peter continued his weekly Sunday trips to Sydney to see his daughter, but the strain was taking its toll. In 2017, he met his now-wife and eventually introduced her to his daughter. Things were going well until his ex-partner discovered his new relationship. Plans for his daughter to be a flower girl were ruined by his ex, who would whisper in the background during his phone calls with their daughter, controlling their conversations. His ex even sent threatening text messages, stating he would never see his daughter again because he was getting married. 

Just as Peter was getting his life on track, his new partner became pregnant. Soon after, he broke his hand at work, leading to six months off and further impacting his ability to see his daughter. Struggling with these challenges, Peter reached a breaking point and attempted to take his own life in his garage. Thankfully, his partner and in-laws found him and rushed him to the hospital. This harrowing experience became a turning point, prompting Peter to seek help, reset, and re-educate himself as his hand healed.

Peter talks about fighting the DVO battle driven by fabricated allegations and also shared a poignant memory of a Christmas when his then thirteen-year-old daughter visited for seven days. Despite his excitement and detailed plans, the connection between them had unfortunately faded, which he attributes to negative influences from his ex. 

In closing, Peter openly discusses his battle with depression and emphasizes the importance of learning from our mistakes. He believes the court system needs to expedite its processes. While he knows rebuilding the connection with his teenage daughter will take time, he is committed to being the best version of himself, ready and waiting for when she comes back into his life. For now, Peter is focused on raising his two young boys, aged five and three. He also shared that he almost turned back on his way to record the podcast but is glad he persevered to tell his story and move forward.

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