Ep 81: What If Joy Includes...This?

You're listening to the Think New Thoughts podcast with Emily Rick's episode number 81. What if joy includes this?

I'm Emily Rick's and this is Think New Thoughts. A life coaching podcast to help you find more joy in your relationships. In each episode

I'll share a simple idea that will help you see things in a new way. So you can love God, your neighbor, and yourself

More deeply than you ever have before. If you're ready to literally change your mind, I think you'll like it here

Hello, welcome back to Think New Thoughts. So glad you're here today. Today we're going to talk about joy

and joy as a circle that actually includes everything in your life

rather than joy as something separate that only includes the happy fun parts.

So let's begin by exploring the idea of

expectations. What is an expectation? It's how you picture something in your mind. How you think something is supposed to be.

Maybe you have expectations like it's not supposed to rain while I'm on vacation or maybe

No one in my family is supposed to be sad on Christmas day. Maybe you have expectations like babies aren't supposed to cry

If they've been recently fed or teenagers are supposed to be polite and kind 24-7.

So you can have whatever expectations you want and sometimes they come true

But a lot of times they don't and so expectations can be a setup for a lot of frustration

Because when it rains on your vacation when Christmas isn't perfect when your baby cries a lot when your teenagers are soaking

You might feel like you got robbed

If you believe that it's not supposed to be that way. If you're believing I was supposed to have this perfect

Joyful experience, but then the rain the crying the complaining came in and ruined my joy

And when those things come along it can definitely feel that way

But I want to invite you to challenge that thinking

Is it really true that you were supposed to have a perfect joyful experience where nothing went wrong?

I was really thinking about this

Recently when I was up in the middle of the night dealing with some blood sugar stuff. I really value sleep

I try to get good sleep because it helps me to feel calm and clear and grateful and abundant in my life

And I also have type 1 diabetes and sometimes it's kind of like having a baby

It cries in the middle of the night and I have to attend to it

So the other night my blood sugar was really really high

before I was going to go to bed

And so my husband and I were trying to figure out like okay. Do I actually go to sleep?

I've given some insulin a couple of times. It's not bringing it down

So we're troubleshooting kind of trying to figure out what to do

We decided okay, we're gonna set an alarm for two hours from now

We are gonna go to bed and then I'm gonna set an alarm for two hours from now

I'm gonna wake up and check my blood sugar see if it's gotten any lower and then decide what to do from there

So two hours set the alarm and then

Actually realized my sensor had lost its signal

So that's like what tells my pump what my blood sugar is and that wasn't working at all

So I ripped that out I put in a new one and then decided okay

I'm gonna try to go back to bed and we'll kind of see how this goes and a few hours later

My phone and my pump were sounding the alarm for a critical low blood sugar

But actually it was a false alarm because the sensor that I had put in

Wasn't calibrated appropriately and so it was saying that I was low even though I wasn't anyway yada yada yada

You don't need all of the details, but suffice it to say suffice it to say it was a very eventful night

That involved my glucometer fingerpricks infusion sets sensors my pump and all sorts of different alerts in the middle of the night

And while we were dealing with all this there was a point where I was thinking you know

I worked really hard to get caught up after spring break and to set myself up for success

I work really hard to be able to live a joyful life and get enough sleep and all this stuff

And then diabetes just comes in and wrecks it. I'm gonna be so tired tomorrow. Have you ever felt like that?

Like here I am trying to live this joyful life and all these things keep coming in

To ruin it

But then I started thinking about

The idea of resistance which I've been talking about actually a lot on the podcast and in some other places

And just started kind of reminding myself like okay, you can resist this pain and add additional pain

Or you can lean into it and accept this as it is and it's not really that fun

It's not really that enjoyable and you probably will be tired tomorrow

But you can stay in that clean pain that's just part of being a human

Or if you want to you can add additional

Emotional pain on top by resisting it and thinking that it shouldn't be happening

So my husband and I ended up having a really great conversation about clean pain and dirty pain and all this in the middle of the night

As we're figuring out blood sugar stuff

So let's review that for a minute clean pain versus dirty pain

This is something I talked about back on episode 25

So you might want to review it if you haven't heard this in a while because it's such a cool idea

the basic concept is

There are going to be things in life that are just part of your journey

That are painful physically painful emotionally painful you're going to experience loss

You're going to experience sickness you're going to experience all sorts of trials and that is clean pain

It is part of what we signed up for when we came on to this planet

It's part of the necessary experiences that we need to have in order to grow and become so thought work

And the tools that I teach are meant to help you live the most joyful life that you can

Which some people think means we're just trying to avoid all the pain

And only focus on the good stuff and that's actually not totally true

What we want to do is embrace the clean pain

But then

Not add dirty pain on top of it not add the resistance that says this isn't fair

And I shouldn't have to experience this and this is ruining my joy

These kinds of beliefs add additional pain on top and create unnecessary suffering

So when you are facing something that is challenging or painful or hard

Instead of resisting it and saying here comes this thing to ruin my great day

You can say okay, this is my journey

This is my curriculum

This thing that I'm facing right now is part of my joyful life

It's not in the way of it

It's an integral part of it the day before all of my blood sugar stuff

It happened my husband ended up with a migraine that was really intense to the point of vomiting

The next day my daughter woke up with a puffy eyelid

We were trying to figure out what was going on and if we needed to take her in to see a doctor

And it seemed like with all of that stuff

It's like oh we're trying to live this joyful life

But now we're having all of these problems

But here's kind of a fun question to think when you're in those sorts of situations

What if joy includes this

If you believe that we're meant to experience joy in this life

I completely agree with you

And also I find it so helpful to believe that joy doesn't mean 100% happy

Exciting pain-free moments 24-7 joy actually means 50-50 pleasure and pain

Sickness and health sunshine and rain birth and death

Life is meant to be 50-50 that's what joy is

So if you expect 100-0 you're going to end up creating a lot of extra pain

Extra dirty pain to go on top of the 50% of your life

That's not going to be sunshine and roses

But if you expect 50-50 then you can accept the pain

You can accept the inconveniences, the mortal limitations that are part of the deal

And leave it at that rather than adding additional unnecessary dirty pain on top

Do you know the scripture in James chapter 1?

It's one of my favorites

This is the NIV translation

Consider it pure joy my brothers and sisters

Whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith

Produces perseverance

Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete

Not lacking anything. There's another translation that says count it all joy

When you fall into various temptations

Knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance

So I just love that count it all joy

There's a song that I've been listening to a lot lately

It's by Natalie Lane and it's called count it all joy

I'll link that in the show notes if you like this idea

And you want to be able to sort of program your mind to think it more often with a song

But I love the idea of joy as this all-encompassing ring

That everything else fits into

Rather than joy as this teeny tiny little circle

That we're trying to have everything cram into and feel like it doesn't fit

Joy is this all-encompassing

It it covers everything count it all joy

Even the hard stuff

So think about for you

What is something that you have been feeling like is in the way of your happiness

Maybe you've been struggling with your health

Maybe you have an expectation of one of your kids that they are not meeting

And it's driving you crazy

Maybe you've experienced a loss or a disappointment

And take a minute and consider

How much of the pain that you're feeling is actual pain

And how much of it is dirty pain that you've added on top

With thoughts like I shouldn't have to experience this

I'm not supposed to ever feel pain so this isn't fair

Both types of pain are painful

They're both real

We feel them in our bodies and in our minds

We experience that as pain

But what I want you to know and remember

Is that the dirty pain that we layer on top

By resisting it and thinking that it shouldn't be so

Is optional

And when you're ready

You can decide to gain relief from that

By changing how you're thinking about it

I love this quote

It's from Janken Lloyd Jones

I actually first heard it from Gordon B. Hinkley when I was growing up

But found out that he was quoting this guy

Janken Lloyd Jones

Here's the quote

Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal

It's going to waste a lot of time

Running around shouting that he has been robbed

The fact is that most putts don't drop

Most beef is tough

Most children grow up to just be people

Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration

And most jobs are more often dull than otherwise

Life is just like an old-time rail journey

Delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, senders, and jolts

Interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas

And thrilling bursts of speed

The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride

So here's a question I want to invite you to consider

When you're feeling frustrated or sorry for yourself

Or like your challenges are in the way

Of your happiness

Here's what you can ask

What if joy includes this?

What if this is part of joy?

What if this thing that you would really prefer

Not to have to deal with

Is in fact vital to your joy?

I believe it is

I believe all of it is

And when we can shift from resisting

Pain and frustration and inconvenience

Into accepting it

That completely changes how you use your energy

It changes how you feel

And it changes how you experience your life

And it opens the door to so much more joy

So that's my challenge to you this week

Try welcoming the pain

Rather than resisting it

And see what changes for you

Turn you on as you give it a try

Hey, if you enjoyed this episode

And you've been feeling a little worn down in motherhood

I created something for you

It's called the three shifts that change everything

A simple guide for moms who want to enjoy their kids again

Whether your kids are little

Grown or somewhere in between

This guide will take you from worn down to wise

From discouraged to empowered

And from frustrated to anchored

I'd love to share it with you

You can download it for free at emilyrixcoaching.com

And there's also a link in the show notes

Thanks so much for joining me today

I'll talk to you next week

I'll find the joy

What I look for in my mind

Is what I'm gonna find

Find the joy