DOD298: The Enwrights Answer Everything (Including the Separate Houses Thing)

0:00Hey folks, just a quick heads up that this episode was recorded before Tom was out of the hospital. So we mentioned that he is in the hospital, but don't worry. That was just time dilation. He is still out of the hospital. This was just recorded out of order. Don't be alarmed. Tom is out of the hospital. I won't say he's doing fine. I was about to say that. Couldn't vouch for that, but he is not in the hospital right now. All right. Enjoy this really fine episode we did while he was in the hospital. I'm the cool dad. That's my bad. I know now what I can offer you that no one else can complete and under-dependent. I'm a man. I'm sensitive. I need to feel love. I need to be desired. Yelling is the only part of being a father that I enjoyed. Welcome to Dear Old Danz, the podcast that asks one simple question. What happens when you ask dad questions to non-dads, but moms and step-dads because your co-host

1:07is dying of of a Trisha of fun. I'm Eli Bosnick joined as always by Thomas Smith. Thomas Smith. Welcome back to the pod. Oh, hey, thanks. How you doing? You're like a host now. Did you get the promotion? Well, he's fucking dying, man. We got to do something. We want to give up the money. No. You got to pivot. You're going to like forge stuff in his will to steal the podcast. Exactly. That's too much. Tom's ghost and Eli's vote against Thomas. Exactly. Tom's ghost and Eli's vote. I have to get a Ouija board every time I want to out-vote. Tom is the most known thing. Tom is the point to the different letters using his penis, which is, which I think, but it is planned shet shaped, which makes sense. But we're doing that thing that I hate because we guest on podcasts all the time where they talk too much before they introduce you. He's then right and Ann Perkins are here. I didn't know they're here. Sorry. Ann Perkins. Do you all want a minute? Do you want it? We don't have a point. Don't you hate that when you're gesting on someone else's and Perkins say we're

2:08doing it? I was so hoping that Heath and I would just silently have decided that we would both do silence when we were trying to introduce them. No, Liz. Why are you quitting on a podcast? Ann, I've sent you a different Zencaster link. Join me in the silence corner. A competing podcast link. See me see me in the other podcast. Guys, thank you so much for joining us. Quick update. Tom is still bad, but better. It's hard to tell. We don't know and it's a comedy show so we don't know. He probably won't die. Ever. Ever. He's immortal, which is bad. This is his curse. This is his curse. Can I say the luck demon having a fucking amazing week? He is the insert football player having a good week. He's playing the month in hell again. Yeah, yeah, just like going around the office. People like, oh my god. Tom would be the only really cool, not evil, like 7,000 year old vampire.

3:11Yes, because he would live the exact same life. He wouldn't drink any water. He wouldn't go on the sunlight. It's blood. Maybe that's what happened. Maybe he went out to the sun. Yeah, exactly, just before. All right. Well, you all came through and by you all, I mean, our patrons came through with 28 amazing questions for the end rights. So let's get started. Heath. We'd you have to do the throw. Oh, right. Can I say, wait, I, which can I set you up? I have a lot of blue. I am so glad that nobody asked about cooking rum and with Heath, which is the deadest joke of all time. Oh, there are way dead or jokes. For instance, are you aware that Thomas Smith doesn't have feet? That is that is slightly more dead. That's true. But you know, the only thing worse than being saddled with a joke I made a literal decade ago that is having Tom's health. And you cannot have Tom's health if you drink water and sleep more than four hours a day. But you can also support our show and Tom's extensive medical bills

4:12over at patreon.com forward slash D-roll dads, where for as little as in Buckle Show, you'll get a commercial free version of every single show, including this one plus a little parenting story at the end. I didn't say I was good at this. We got a person who had a panic you normally always do. And I'm bad at it now and I'm bad at it then. I'm ready for the part we all join in to do the rip into it, right? Yeah, of course. So I was going to do a choir of it. patreon.com forward slash D-roll dads. I can open me. I'm up here. You're up here. I'm down here. You rip into it. You rip into it. You rip into it. You rip into it. Wait too late, he's fucking. Do it again. Do it again. Do it again. It's too late. It's too late. We're we do it one day. All right, starting with a question from wonderful heath. Completely random hypothetical I just

5:13thought about what would someone need to offer you to bite off one of their fingers because they heard in the New York Times, it might be financially lucrative for them to do so. Cool. We could talk about Thomas's lack of feet for a car. All right. No, so for everybody who doesn't know this insane long running gag that he lies doing, I believe you offered perhaps in the New York Times, in the podcast cannon, an ad that said, if you can convince heath to bite off one of your fingers, you get some sort of Eli prizes. All right. This is while never be a billionaire is because the first thing I would do if I were a billionaire is I would take out a full page, double page spread in the New York Times with a picture of our own heath and right. And I would say, if you can convince heath to bite off one of your fingers, I billionaire Eli Bosnick will give you one million dollars. You can't coerce him into it or force him into it. You can't

6:14hurt his family or threaten his family. You have to use your words to convince him to bite through your bones and flesh through one of your fingers. And I will give you one million dollars. And that is very funny because it means heath would spend the rest of his life with people being like, please man, my kid is sick. And that's very funny. Okay. This time. But yeah, just so everybody knows my number is lower than you think. So like I get the, you know, Eli is going to give you a million dollars. So like you're motivated. Hopefully also by your like dying child in some of these scenarios, I'm going through a pinky pretty easily. I feel like a pretty low number for me. Are they allowed to offer me money too? Yeah. Okay. So a pretty low number. I don't want to say what the fucking number is. But like as an Eschrot lawyer, Andrew Wave, I'm just claiming all of this. These are jokes for entertainment purposes. And no building our nest egg. You want to retire? You think podcasts are going to last forever? God damn it. We're trying YouTube.

7:19Fuck. And I'm DMing so many miners. Well, we're going to have to go with your real job. I guess if this doesn't pan out, but no, if you offered me a medium amount of money, I could get through it. Like it's not that it's like a pinky. I'll just like tear through that. Just like, blah blah blah blah. Get ready. Go. I think you're not counting how hard it is to bite through a human hand. What are you talking about? So easy hand-biting cotton. Look, we can pay a guy. Eli might have met like psychologically. Oh, you didn't mean cyclotry. No, definitely not. He's not fucking nothing. He would do that between bites of other food. That's true. Oh, can we stick a toothpick in the finger? And then it's each dad trick the toothpick in the sandwich. Ty has a question. And can I say I also have this question? And heath, what is the deal? This is Jerry Simon's. What is the deal with the separate houses? Okay, I think this was probably the most asked question. Yes, it was. It was asked by many people.

8:21Can I say you tie-ass to the next? Yeah, no, let's all say so in my real life, the question I get most often about this is how can I convince my spouse to do this? It sounds great. And it is. I mean, yeah, a lot of couples do hate each other. So that makes sense. No, listen, when you get married in your 40s, you're set in your ways. And then one of you is an absolute freak with a, we're not going to say who we're going to say who anybody could have been the freak. I can be the normal one. You don't know. He should be knocking on that door every night. Oh, and please let me live in your house. Exactly. I think Kai would bite through a finger too. If I'm being honest, there was a moment when Kai took a bet from me too fast. And I was like, oh, shit, Kai would bite through a finger as well. We were at that barbecue and you remember the barbecue where there was like an entire pig roasted. I was like, Kai, if you eat the eyeball of

9:27this pig, I will give you $100 Christian dollars. And Kai was already eating the eyeball. Yeah, already had it ready to go. That is true. We got a video. During the video, I noticed somebody right next to us didn't like that we were doing a video and they were wearing a red socks hat. And I was like, Kai, extra 100. If you say fuck the red socks at the end, Kai eats the eyeball. No problem. Just like, boom, boom, boom. Fuck the fucking red socks. And they hated us. Incredible. This is true. So I feel like with this answer, you've also started to get a picture of an answer to the question of what is he like as a stepdad? Yeah. Yeah. No, that answer. That's a two birds one stone situation. I've ever I've seen one. So basically, the answer for reason for separate houses is you don't want to raise two children all the time. Just some of the time. Just some of the time. Damn it. This teenager makes six figures. Fuck. They have nice car. They don't have adult daycare that you could put heath in. So they do.

10:27Oh, they do. Oh, good. Yeah. We'll do that. He's actually great at those medical daycares. We just put him in there. He's happy. He wins all the checkers. Yeah. No, I think we'll probably combine houses at some point, but you know, everything happens slow with us. So and plus who isn't excited about living with a messy teenager when you have OCD? That's true. That is true. I didn't hear any sign off on that plan by Heath. By the way, just noting it. Just just noting it. Thank you for noting that. Heath, please stay out loud in a legally binding contract. Actually, all of this episode and fucked up Tom's back so that we could trap you into this conversation. Thomas is officially my lawyer and he has noted that with prejudice. Thank you. All right. Let's bring the vibes down a bit. General contact unit problem child asks, what's it like trying to help a queer kid understand the risks they'll face in today's America? Will's making sure we're, is it wild? I say,

11:28wild. Fuck. Listen, this is a weird moment where I, I usually a listener who speaks back to no one in my house while I'm listening. Now I get to correct you live on here. It's amazing. Honestly, it's the only way you're going to talk to your husband as often as you do. So what are you going to do? Drive across town twice a week. Wild. Wild. Wild. Making sure they understand that doesn't mean they've done anything wrong or shouldn't live authentically regardless. Good question. Yeah. And Perkins, you fired off. Yeah. I loved this very thoughtful question. I will say I'm thankful to live in an area where that is easier than a lot of other parts of the country right? And I was a very accepting town. But, you know, nevertheless, for instance, we definitely had family members who were big on beating this drum of like, you know, you need to emphasize to your kid the dangers that come with being identified as a trans or queer LGBTQ person in

12:28this country. I know that came from a really good place, but I do think you have to be very careful with it, right? Because sometimes people are coming at that from a place of assuming that there's a choice involved, hoping that like if I'm show you all the all the risks and the negatives, then you'll make a different choice. And obviously that's like coming from hopefully a place of like love and just fear for their like safety, but also not fully understanding the situation. And so I definitely protected Kai from a lot of those attempts from extended family, but also we would have some conversations about individual situations as they might pop up and how do you think you would would handle that and a lot of, and I guess it depends on the age to right elementary school very different than the high school by the high school age. You're doing a lot of how do you feel about that? Do you want me to step in in any way? And I think shielding them from stuff that's only going to

13:30stress them out, whether it's specifically on this issue or the broader issues that they can't do anything with, right? I think requires a lot of judgment and you're not going to always get it right, but hopefully more often than not. I don't know if that's helpful at all, but that's what I've tried to do. That is helpful. I think what encourages me, having talked with Kai about this somewhat and gone through it. Kai seems to have no problem advocating for themselves, absolutely no problem. And also has a pretty good roasty attitude about it. It's just like, oh, if people talk about whatever, any sort of bigotry, like, oh, I'm going to just roast you mercilessly and not be friends with you. And that's fine with me. I'm happy with that. Good to go. Kai's very strong on this type of stuff too. So that's good news. It is true. It is true. Kai loves to talk about one time. There was a street preacher in the town where Kai's dad lives just a little away north of here. And Kai was like 11 or 12 and he was doing a street preacher thing and Kai walked up as a

14:34very obviously non-gender, conforming kid and got the whole spiel from them and made the man cry. I mean, excellent. So what you're saying is they're applying for all of the puzzle in a thunderstorm shows. Absolutely. Are ready to participate. Walking around in our, but we have to like pick battles. It's like, no, not just we're not going to do this. You can make the next one cry. But like, just go to dinner. Come on after. Make it late. Damn it. Reservation says six. I'd like to go ahead and advocate for a question if I can. There's one here that says from Lars Gottlieb, he's what is the best pun you ever made and he's shut your face because I know it. I don't like pun. I'm not a punsman. I'm not a punsman. But the best pun that he's never ever made and I think that anyone's ever made legitimately from a hundred seasons ago of citation needed was they banned Tim smell research, which I just could I put in. I think of that all the time. I'm like,

15:35how did you think of that? It was it's so perfect for the topic. It's not like a easy one where, you know, I'm going to Google the bird that a hundred bird names to do a thing like it's not something you could like have Googled. It was just brilliant. I still laugh at that. It's so good. I appreciate that. Yeah. We were talking about when the Thames River got full of a bunch of shit in London. Yeah. The smell was horrible. Yeah. And it was I did a little spoonerism, little Thames smell research. I wouldn't have thought of that one, but I'm so glad that you remember. I think recently we were talking about shark repellent. Oh god. That's the one I texted you like four of your lines, I think. That episode he took performance enhancing drugs for some reason. And like one episode he was like laser heath. He was like every single joke was an amazing pun. I remember that. Yeah. Yeah. So we were talking about shark repellent and Noah said something that as like kind of a double entendre you could take as him saying, you know,

16:39like a like a podcast bro thing. And I was like no over here talking about great white replacement theory on that. Yeah. That was incredible. That was incredible. I was excited about that. Good one. I feel like there are a lot of ones that sort of get lost because they're not on records. We're just living our lives. And he has incredible ones off the dome just all the time. Yeah. Woo. It's like a private podcasting. But it's over in his own house. They know when you're that's where he wears. He checks that really good. Another good one. Thank you, Ann. By the way, you can go to the next page of our secret. He's just been quietly underlining. Make sure you mention how funny I am. I'm also off the air the entire time she was talking about raising a quiet child. He was doing the rapid up gesture and the pointing at the I'm funny outside of a podcast with you're streaming down his. So quite a few people ask this next question. It's a better question than the first

17:40sentence of it makes it seem. Why did you get married? Not like why do you love each other? I mean, as progressive atheists, why did you feel the need to do it? Was it purely because of the legal benefits? Are you sentimental, slash romantic about the institution of marriage? What was the choice to get a male lead? Oh, okay. So on the institution concept, I guess that's what they're getting at here. My whole life was like, oh, this is fucking stupid. That's dumb. People could just be life partners and not add a word that makes everybody freak out and makes all their family freak out. You could still have a fun party called a wedding, but you don't have to do this exact institution. It never made sense to me. And then it fucking did. And I'm so mad and happy about it at the same time. It just like I was like, oh, I get it. I get it. I didn't get it. And now I do. All right. I guess I found a person. I love you. Oh my God. You guys, he said it for the first time. There he is. Oh, and you've got a recording of it. You just play that whenever you want.

18:44Yeah. Well, you clip that and send it to me, Lydia. Sorry. I couldn't. I think Anne cut out. Did you say I love you too? She's not ready. She said she'll tell you in your shared house. Don't push it. Move in day. Yeah. It was funny because we had different sort of journeys to the same place, I guess. For me, I took a lot of convincing because of past experiences with the institution of marriage. So not my first marriage, not even my second marriage. So it was very much like, hey, guess what I'm never doing again. This doesn't make sense. He was like super duper. That works for me. And so we were the perfect match. We were the perfect match. And then we were like, oh, shit, we do want to spend the rest of the life. Oh, it was like, you know, negative one times, negative one equals one equals one. He was positive when you negative. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. We're both furious. Another love related question. This one from Chan's love, which I hope is your real name

19:46and not a patron name, in which case, I'm really sorry about high school and the fact that you didn't become an adult film star. Maybe you did. I don't know your life. Anyways, Chan's asks, what are your favorite qualities of each other? Hmm. And you go first. It's the third page of the notes. It's the page that just is tall and then it's crossed out. And I'm tapping on it so hard that the papers kind of tearing. But I need you to be able to read it anyway. This is where my impulse to give a real answer fights with the impulse to give a funny answer. But I'm just going to give a real answer. No, don't do this. This is going to go badly for me. No, because if you give a real answer, he'll have to give a real answer and he'll blow it. Because he'll try to bail out halfway through into a joke. He'll be like a pilgrim soul. More like pilgrim bowl. I actually had to point. I'm moving in right now. I got my copuper and my Xbox

20:54and we're ready to go. No, I mean, listen, I had a crush on him for years via, you know, podcast because of brain and voice and intellect and vibes and funniness and all that. And so not max. That's what I currently have flipped on my phone just over and over. But the thing that made me go from like, oh, this is a person that I would enjoy spending time with and have fun with to being like, this is a person I'm in love with and can't imagine my life without is all of the other things of like someone who I trust to make decisions that are as good or better than my own, you know, just adds more than I ever imagined to my life. So That's a beautiful answer. I sure hope he doesn't absolutely wreck it right now

21:54on his turn, which is right now. Okay, don't blow it. Don't blow it. Record it forever. Public. There's a lot of fun stuff that we did very early in our relationship. So we went on a cool vacation together, went to a good restaurant somewhere together and that was great. But that's like, of course, easy to be great. And then I realized that like just the most mundane basic stuff that you could like, we could do tax forms and it was fun. That made like a big, big change in my head about how things can possibly work. Because in my head part of the reason that the institution of marriage was silly was like, you're going to be always doing like mundane shit. And that's going to like, no, it doesn't subtract if it's the right connection with the right person, I guess. So that was big to me. What I do like also and multiple people have said this to me including one of my best friends right away. And do you remember when you you met Bob for the first

22:58time my friend Bob, I was living in Cincinnati. This is early on. Yeah. So Anne came down and visited and right afterwards, Bob had been hanging out with us a bit and he's like, awesome banter. You guys have the best banter. And I was like, oh, yeah. So even in like dumb mundane snares, we're just like, oh, he's rocking some good banter. And I like it a lot. And my aunt said the same thing to me. My mom said the same thing to me. My hundred year old grandma was like, I like how you argue. And I was like, yeah, reminds me of a young Amelia Earhart. Okay. Okay. She could work a dirt button. Okay. He's got more lore. So yes, to the yes to Amelia Earhart, my great grandma, the mom of my hundred year old grandma was definitely fucking Amelia Earhart. They had like a long development in this or there is a new development. Yes. So my great grandma, her name is Louise. Her sister

23:59was named Dorothy or dot for short. So my grandma's aunt dot is how she got her name. It's my grandma dot and aunt dot, I learned a story about just recently. Aunt dot, she was very cool socialist union person. She ended up working high level position at the NLRB, the national labor relations board for the FDR administration during the New Deal. She kicked ass. And would you like to take a guess at what famous person she had a delightful amorous relationship with. It's not Amelia Earhart also just is FDR. It is not FDR. I'm gonna say, uh, uh, Lindbergh, you know, I started going for another pilot. The Lindbergh, yeah, it is neither Charles Lindbergh nor I think a different Lindbergh baby. No, Charlie Chaplin. It is not Charlie Chaplin. FDR was the closest guess. Hitler. Hitler. Is it Hitler? We don't know. We don't know. It's Eleanor Roosevelt. Eleanor Roosevelt.

25:03Oh, no. Oh, yeah. Power bottom. Eleanor Roosevelt. Yeah. That makes it. Eleanor Roosevelt. Yeah. And I just, I acquired the memoirs. If she didn't fuck Eleanor Roosevelt, she'd be the only woman who was alive at the same time as Eleanor Roosevelt. But Amelia Earhart, I thought, no, it's a different person. Thomas God. No, no, Amelia Earhart, no, in our Roosevelt. Okay. So here's what might have happened. There may have been a polytriangle. There may have been a polytriangle. Yeah. Emily. Yeah. This is incredible. Sounds like every Elizabethan relationship I've ever heard of. So this makes sense. This makes sense. It also sounds like this needs to be in our history text. Like I want my kids to learn about this. You know, like this is important. Right. It's real stuff. Teach real history. You know? I got access to the memoirs of Ant Dot that she wrote and my aunt years later published, you know, unofficially published, but printed out this old book that I got from my mom up in the attic and I have the memoirs of Ant Dot. So I'm very excited. Oh, all right. This comes from Haley. Oh, wait. Can I just jump

26:08back before we jump onto the next question? Yeah. Have you fucked Eleanor Roosevelt? No, no, I wish. Wait. No, no. Anyway, on the banter thing, I will just say this is my one piece of data advice. I entered into this relationship with like no fucks given. Unlike every other relationship, I was like, Hey, I'm going to be me. Like you're just getting unfiltered. I'm not auditioning for something that I'm not. It's like, this is maybe the benefit of being 40. But if you can start doing this when you're 20, even better, just like I'm going to be me and it went so much better defining a person that actually matches your weird. Yeah. I can confirm the end rights have amazing banter. Very early on, they were in a car. And for some reason, Anne needed to sit on Heath's lap. And we didn't know Anne crazy well at that time. And so it was sort of like, how is this vibe going to be? Because the thing you need to understand is that when a member of the cast starts dating somebody, we all sort of have to like slowly, you can't just be like,

27:09hi, here's the real human being I am. You have to slowly sort of descend out of character. And we were getting to that point with Anne or like, all right, well, here's the real person. And I remember she had to sit on Heath's lap and they started to like wrestle with their heads a little bit. And then she severely harmed Heath with her head. She like dressed her head into his and he's into the window. It's one of the pictures I have of them on my phone. It's one of my favorite because it went from like, he, he, we're wrestling teeth being like, heal her, kill her. This is still her dead. I'm a danger. That's another way I'm like, Tom, I'm freakishly strong and don't know my own strength. She is freakishly strong and and almost crushed. It was like, we almost got a kingpin moment where his head popped like a grape against the window and we just covered our murder together. I dove out tuck and roll. I was fine. He did tuck and roll out. He was fine. His head has always been that shape since my uber score went down. The eyebrows that people mention on YouTube,

28:11those are actually scar tissue. So you're being able to, every time you get to the head thing. All right, from, hey, I want to hear from Eli and Thomas what those qualities are that made them get married. We're not made me get married. To my wife. I know what you're talking about. What a weird question. So it's always been really obvious how much better my wife is than me in an in-bree possible way. I mean, like we would date and I would be like, yeah, this is my girlfriend, Anna, and then be like, no, is she okay? Like they'd listen to her voice to wait to hear some kind of like, are you blinking? No, okay. A fresh and based accent. So it's always really obvious. But I was just like, oh, because I've always been able to like date up because I'm funny, right? And women want to convince themselves they're good people. So they date me for a little while and then I'm and then I said, look, no, because like, look, I'm a great way to prove

29:13to your friends. Looks don't matter. Your attraction style is virtue signaling by the other person. 100%. There's not a look. My ex is probably don't have anything nice to say about me. But I guarantee you, the minute someone's like, your shallow, they're whipping out a picture of you. They're tearing their underwear. They're getting their phone out. They're one black friend. Yes, exactly. I'm the fat ugly guy. They dated faux shards. So I was like, great, this is wonderful. I won this lottery. She's really nice. And then my dad died. And there's this thing that happens if you date attractive people. And I don't know if anyone less think and relate to this because I've seen our listeners. But there's this thing that happens where you date attractive people and you have to get your humanity out for a second. And you try not to do it very often because they're so pretty. And they're making their way through life. And they're just like, I went to the gym today for nine hours. And you're like, that's so amazing for you. Exactly. But then you'll be like, oh, I'm a little sad today. And they'll be like, did you try going to the gym for nine hours? So I was like, hey, my dad died. And Anna was incredible. She was incredible and supportive and

30:19amazing. And that was the moment where I was like, oh, not just like this is someone I could marry, because I was always like, hey, maybe I'm the fucking luckiest mother fucker on the planet. And I get to marry this lady. But that was where I was like, oh, no, I want to marry this lady. Like, it was so obvious. And again, very, very early on, I felt this way. But like when my dad died, I was like, oh, we are locked in on a level. Like she's not just proving she's a good person with this relationship. Although I will say she does and continues to. That was beautiful. Because that why you're always telling me to go to the gym for nine hours. I wouldn't. What? No, it's because he thinks you're fat. And he says, can I say, he says that a lot. And I put talks with him about it. I'm like, dude, not cool. Thomas, what about you and Lydia? Well, my wife is able to remember when and how my dad died. So it's a real linkage there. And so I'm like, when did he die? And how? And she'll tell me. And why would I care? She can't do that last one. This is true. My dad's

31:21death really hit her a lot harder than him. Oh, she's still really, really in with it. All right. This next question comes from Haley of the Talking Ship podcast, RIP, still in our hearts. Does Ann call Haley and Tom are alive just to be clear? This episode might not come out for a decision. And we do not know how Tom is doing. We haven't checked in the last week. Now that you meant the podcast. Yeah. The luck demon might finish him off. I don't, I think you should be uncomfortable being like, Tom's alive. Like you did at the front of the show. Exactly. I said he's alive now. I was very clear. It's been like 30 minutes since the heat. We're well changed. He has slacked us. Yeah. We don't know. We don't know. She asks, does Ann call heath heath or does she call it by his real name? Is it weird to have to remember what to use depending on the context? First of all, hi, Haley. Hey, what a pain. Sorry for your loss. Maybe.

32:21Working grass. What I'm gonna say. Tom's definitely dead. He's just not sure if Haley's happy or not. That's true. Yeah. Okay. I do switch back and forth. And it was weird at first. And it is normal now. Okay. In my head, I don't remember heath being said, my real name or my other nicknames. Usually it's just like Boston lady doing like, hey, babe, what's going on? I mostly do. It's a lot of it. It was a lot of it. No. I mean, it from the when we first started like getting to know each other and dating, actually, remember that we started emailing. You were like, hey, do you have any questions for me? And I was like, yeah, what is your name? Like, let's start there. So from me at that time, I was using your real name. But like, when we're in a work environment, I'm saying heath, obviously, right? Like when I'm hanging out with you guys saying heath, whether we're on micro off, because that's how you think this is good. We can get some more votes on this because Tom may as well be a blessing. Tom. Thomas is Jewish now.

33:23Yeah. Tom talks about. Well, I mean, it was just mean. He lie on the show. So yeah. And so this show is he voted. Yeah. Yeah. My man dated it. I've actually slowly I have settlers making Thomas more and more Jewish. Oh, God. He forced by God. Jesus. Anyway, Tom apparently calls Haley Haley all the time. Remember this Elias Elias Elias. I were like, well, that's fucking insane. I can't remember the last time I've called Lydia Lydia like to her face like in the house. Just you. Yeah, you know, that's never happened. Emergency crowded situations only. Right. Right. Because it not just crowded crowded. I'll keep being like, don't leave. I'll give like, huh? And then if the kids are with me, I go mom, mom, because they're also saying, yeah, yeah, it feels weird. Yeah, it's a crazy thing to say. Just like sometimes I'll start to say it and then I'll have to add stuff so I don't feel as crazy. I'll be like, Ann Bell Elizabeth Gertrude. Those are all the

34:28real nice. I'm glad we can all agree that Tom is weird. Yes. 100%. Wait, did we talk about how you have your spouse in your phone? Because I think this is also very telling. I think it's completely bizarre when people have first name, last name, and that's their spouse in their phone. Oh, I have, I have Anna as Anna Bosnick in my phone. That's a good question. Well, I mean, that's a real kind of depends because like, when did you meet? Because you put someone in your phone like when you first met, yeah, we have to update it. Like if somebody saw, I have you as Mrs. Dr. Heathen, right? Is that cool? That's nice. Can I tell you? I'm looking on my phone. I have Lydia as Lydia and her picture is something she sent me about one month after we met. So I have not changed that. Not because it's sentimental. No, it's literally just been that since 2012 11. Yeah, Anna is the octopus emoji. I have a picture of Heath with a Golden Retriever and it's

35:29real first name, Babe Reno. Yes. I have Anne's LinkedIn photo. Wow. It's very business like, and I like it for a little bit mad at you. Which is true. You should be. She's kind of mad about the business. Yeah. Kind of mad. This business has gone wrong and I'm here to fix it on a bus. So I know you can totally cut this out. I do look a little bit mad in that photo because it was taken on like day two of everything going to shit with OA. Oh my god. Oh wow. So it was literally like, well, it's headshot day. Okay. I'm staring at the camera. Luckily there were no photos taken of me during that period. Luckily, I've never had a LinkedIn profile. We should start a LinkedIn. We should start LinkedIn. That sounds like a good project for us. All right. Speaking of things, we should be ashamed of Dan K. As. How long does it take Anne to tell a new person in her life,

36:30personal and professional about Heath's podcasting and then sort of my follow up question is when they have earned that trust, how do you go like, no, no, it's a job. Like, how do you do the not just for fun though? Oh, that's tricky. It's like telling your racist family that you have a black partner. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. And I didn't know whether, yeah, whether this was to be interpreted as how long does it take to gain the trust to be honest or like literally in minutes. How long does it take to explain how this can be a job? Because both could pertain and have. I am pretty open with most people early on. I took my cue from Heath on this, right? Where he's like, yeah, I got this weird job. And so I'm like, yeah, my husband has a is a podcast or it's weird. Oh, you're willing to be honest about it. That's nice. Yeah. I feel good about that. But you're a lawyer. So 100% of people will assume, oh, okay. So he just doesn't. He just lives off

37:30you. Yeah. Yeah. So you make the money. All right. Yeah. He probably also plays video games or some shit. Why are you telling me this? Which to be fair will eventually be true. Well, it comes crashing down. Cue this mortal coil. I have to move in unless you let me bite fingers, Anne. Finger. No, wait a minute. I just realized when podcasting crashes is he the only one who is smart enough to get a wife that has a good career that I'm trying to think. Well, Lydia's got career skills. No, no, yeah. She might touch her. Yeah. Great job. But she could go back and get the job. Lydia could very quickly become a standard job person if she wanted. Does my life insurance care for this question? For sure. You don't dot. Wait, you're not dying. Do you get paid out if your job just like goes kind of bad? Yeah. Oh, okay. There's a step in the middle. I've got to sign up for a lot of life insurance right now. There's a step in the as you're learning your friend. No. Can you get life insurance on the concept of podcasting? They get a closet at that. Yeah. It's

38:32called legal advice, not legal instruction. I'll take my chances. I drive fast a lot. We talk about it all the time. You should be able to get AI insurance. Like that should actually be a thing. Oh, that's for people whose jobs are going to get fucked by this. Like you should figure out AI insurance. AI insurance. Yeah. I actually was having a conversation with somebody about this. Like this is very not funny. But like there needs to be AI fucked up insurance. I'm sure it already exists. Sure. Because your current I used to be an insurance lawyer. Whatever current policies obviously don't cover there was an error. There was a problem. But it was caused by reliance on AI. Yeah. Oh, I just checked with Claude and Claude said that's impossible. That makes no sense. What are you talking about? Yeah. I've never made a mistake in my entire life. I have a shirt that says you're absolutely right with the Claude logo on it. And it is, aside from my dungeon crawler car. It's a shirt. It is the one that strangers point at the most often to go like, ah, that's great. That is a great one. I get that. They deeply enjoy it. It's true.

39:33All right. And rights before we go, I would like to take you through a couple of our hottest takes are most controversial issues here on dads to get your official weigh-ins. Obviously, we've gone back. We've gone forth on various things. Let's take it very back to one of our earliest hot tanks. So are we doing like hot or not right now? Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Like, yeah. Opening doors for your partners like a psychopath the way Tom does sexist or no. Wait, what? Do you like just opening it all? What about the earliest controversies was Tom being like, if a woman tries to open a door in front of me, I will kill myself in front of that. Don't make it fucking weird. Don't be weird. Because Tom does. I don't like it in romance or in business. I'm like, we're just treat me normal. We're same. I can open doors. I can hold it for you. Opening door. Oh, I would never let a woman hold a door for me. I hold the door for men. Not

40:34it. You just big spoon me, which I will. It's my favorite power move. I love it. I'll throw up through that. I will not go in a door. I stop until Anne opens it for me. I stop like a dog. We've been late to so many things. Like in a feet little kitten just mowing and gently pawing at the door while you wait for Anne to drive over to your house and open it. Makes a lot of sense. All right. Speaking of hot takes that are amazing and true, can men again, this counts for queer relationships as well stop making an homophobia thing? Can men be the little spoon? I'm almost always the little. This is madness. Almost always. They're now impossible. It is for him to be actually little spoon to anyone. But he's still. It's fun. It's like a giant ladle and then there's like a thimble behind it. And it's still like it's like the scene in an action movie where the good guy has to bring the bad guy down, right? Where they have to like choke them until they fall asleep. But the giant.

41:38Oh, your thing. Yeah, Princess bride. Yeah, Princess. Exactly. Yes. Now podcast listener, we cut it out. So you probably missed it. But Anne had to step away for a second to weep about heaths answer about being a little spoon. But before then, she gave us a great tease, which is that heath apparently said something in his sleep. No, no, I don't even. He said, okay, this is a baby. Another reason for this ever has, but he is a sleep talker. I am aware of this. Always podcasting. Absolutely. He said the craziest shit in a sleep. Most of the time I don't remember because it's the mill tonight. This would happen the other night. He chuckled. He's like hit. And then he did a perfect spot on Bill Clinton impression. No way. I feel your pain. Amazing. For real. Did I actually do that? That's a hard thing to make up. I believe it because like that's a tough one to make up. And then nothing. And then silence. Wow. Okay. I get that's incredible.

42:41That was in my head. We were talking about Bill Clinton and his voice like a month ago. So maybe that's how popped in. So I'm so conscious. All coming together. All right. Well, and rights. Thank you so much for once again filling in for that slacker. Tom, we appreciate you. We appreciate everything you do. If people want to hear more from you, where should they go? And I don't know the answers. And Eli, little help. We have podcasts. Go to platinum night. Oh, yeah. Honestly, we should plug. Yeah. Go to pub trivia. And and he have started doing the second half. Lee and I help mostly and but he sort of helps the way like a shaken bake style. And they've started doing a pub trivia at the end of every platinum night and people are loving it. If you loved some and here and you want even more come to a platinum night and do pub trivia with that. And you might get your names of your winning team. If you win on a Stanley Cup-esque trophy that we are creating that will have rings of metal with etched in winners names. He has only

43:42dictated like three things in the history of our company. One was the nice tri blend D shirts and this other one is that there will be a large trophy and the names will be it. We were just informed. It wasn't even a question. It was like, hey, just so you know, when you see this charge on the card. Yeah, exactly. Thank you, spots. Thanks so much for joining us. Thanks for the great questions. We'll remember. We'll up and to we are. We've been doing it. We've been doing it. We've been doing it. And like across the room. Sorry, sorry, I stood up. Zero down. All right, before we go, did you know that bees are actually allergic to pollen? Yeah, turns out they develop hives. That's not bad. I like that. That's good. That's so much better than a lot of those. Yeah, sure.

45:05Produced by my favorite, Dill, Thomas Smith, who also wrote and recorded the intramuristic, which is used with his permission. This podcast is production of Daddy Issues LLC Copyright 2022. All rights reserved. Thomas still sick. Listen, as your lawyer, Andrew Wave, I'm just claiming all of this. Thomas is officially my lawyer and he has noted that with prejudice. Thank you. I love you. Reminds me of a young Amelia Earhart. Power bottom, Eleanor Roosevelt. I mean, obviously it's been crazy how much hotter and better my wife is than me in all possible ways. Sorry, give me two seconds. He has to look up who's like busy. Stalling so bad. Stalling so bad. It's called legal advice, not legal instruction. And don't let me forget to tell you about what he said in his sleep the other night.

46:12Use that for like a commercial break. That was so good. And let's wrap it. Wrap it. Let's get it out right there. That was a good one. It's going to be a mess to edit. Poor Lydia.