Dive Bars - A New Untold Story: BONUS Ep.

0:00Hey, a new one told story listeners. You can find every episode on Apple podcast, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon music. I'm just more curious about like, well, because we like came up on the internet. And then you kind of like dip your toe in vine or whatever kids today don't care about anything at all except for, but like, do they dip their toe? That'd be beautiful. Do they dip their toe and then do they get clowned? Like, is it I feel like it's I assume the sort of the same rule still apply?

1:04Do they get clowned? And then they stop. I think they probably get bullied by burners of kids that are also in their school. Yeah, I'm fucking back. Man, this is so I didn't need this. You're 33, man. I know I got to start working out or I'm going to be in rough shape. I've been my my mortality alarm has been, has been bad. I've just been thinking about dying every day. That's good. I was probably not good. I was thinking about not wanting to put it up too much. It's not going to be as crazy as you think me dying. Yeah. No, but it's just like it's going to be like a, you know, Tuesday afternoon, probably in the summer, it's going to be nice out. You're going to be like hyper aware of all of the sounds of nature. It's just going to feel, I mean, is this summer you're thinking? No, you're going to die in the summer, though, like me. We're about dying in the summer.

2:04Yeah. Do you think it will, you're going to live me, I think. And like you're going to hear like the nurses talking about, um, what would a nurse talk about that medicine boring now? Like, oh, like, I don't know a new soundbar they got off Amazon. Yeah. That's boring. An app. Yeah. You're going to be about to die. And I'm going to be hearing it. One of my last four old nurses, like talking about a new app they got. Nurses love to be the most average day. Nurses love to home wreck. Don't they? Don't they just fuck married men? Um, they did. Or women. I didn't know that. I thought that I thought nurses were like renowned homewreckers. They seem like slutty and dumb. A lot of them do. I'm not going to lie. They're either like the most honorable and I fucking love what they do. I'm very thankful for you. Um, yeah, dude, I know I've just been like thinking about, I don't know, I'm, I'm getting

3:07new. I'm still dizzy a lot. I got addicted to aferin. The thing that clears up your nose. I think it's a problem. You shouldn't do that. I know I had to switch to flow nays. Now I just keep that shit on me all at all times. I've just been because this one's less addicted. Looks like you're carrying a wheeled deal with you. It looks like a little green dildo. This belongs on like the WMBA court, but I don't know. This is the most, this is the lamest thing to get addicted to. Is it just saltwater? Is that? Flow nays? Even holster though? Oh my god. I just, yeah, dude, I've, I started doing aferin. And then I looked up how, it's like more addictive than like a lot of street drugs. Yeah, it's really addictive. I know what the fuck's in it, but the rush of just clearing out your head is amazing. But like, I think Jake Marsh was addicted to aferin. Me and Jake, like that's, oh my god, the nerd, they're calling it the nerdiest drug answer. It, look, help is available for my, my, my, of being addicted to allergy medication. It's, yeah, that's like a pretty Jewish addiction.

4:07Yeah, that's so funny. Just wiping out Brooklyn. Yeah. Those guys are just breathing through their nose. Wait till I ran, wait till I ran, here's about this, they're going to erase it. You'll never hear a snore in Brooklyn. Yeah. You want to try it? This one's not addicted. No, this is flow nays. No, it's not like an element that, like, I think about it. Yeah, but like, once you feel the relief of like being able to use your nose, it, I can use my nose now. No, not like me. Dude, you should do what Central C does. What's a Central C do and how do you know what, he, uh, I know what Central C does, dude, he knows his morning routine. Yeah. What's Central C's morning routine? No, he has this like, um, they sell these like, I think they're Indonesian. It's like a little almost like, like a big chapstick thing and they open it up and it has like crazy, like, uh, aromainant, like eucalyptus and he like always is sniffing it and it just like, it's like, I guess it's like kind of like smelling salts, but like an Asian version. I started at Barst Wells, we're using a really big chapstick and it fell out of my pocket

5:10and I forget who saw it and I got real embarrassed because it was like, uh, like a double the size of a glue stick size chapstick. Yeah. You're talking about like a very large cylinder. Yeah, it was like dick cylinder. It was pretty big. Yeah. Dude, do you guys ever fantasize about being in what's in, in one of those what's in my bags, videos? No. No, I'm a possession guy. I'm a possession guy, but like, I don't think I would do well. It would be shit like that. We shit like that and then like a fucking Pokemon card, probably a dog shit bag, flown a's can't leave the house without it, but they always have like a notebooks of like the right leather notebooks and there's no way they're job, dude, they're like celebs don't jot. Yeah. They pretend to. Yeah. They pretend to. What about those videos where they like are like what song are you listening to? Are you ever? Oh, I prepped. Yeah, I prepped for that. I got this actually like, I have like a cool band in like that I'll lie and say that I'm listening to. And then I, and then like people will be like this guy knows ball.

6:13Yeah. Cause I say bail a fleck in the fleck tones would be like, man, cause it's like respected by like older black jazz fans, just like, oh, Victor Wooten's the best bassist ever. This guy gets it. This guy's invited to the cookout. I feel great. I know, but in reality, I'm listening to like fucking pop punk state champs where I can get in front of way too old to be listening to that. Yeah. Mine would be so bad. It would just be like you just sit or surrender. Yeah. Mine so bad. It would be no matter what. They would know this guy's listening to part of the stop by the like the main dude in New York. Yeah. Washington Square Park. Guess what you were listening. Sean Roojuan. That's his name. I think something like that. He's an Asian dude and not I said like a flume song that I thought was cool. Were you actually listening to a flume song? Um, no. And he called me out on it. Then he asked me to name an Asian artist. Okay. He asked me to name my favorite Asian artist. Yeah. And what did you say?

7:14Jai Wolfe. Okay. Bangla Deshi. Banger artist. There we go. Approved by the youth. This dude. Yeah. He didn't post it. Damn. You think you did too well? I thought I killed it. Yeah. There's an Asian art. I mean, I actually can't even think of one I have in my side. I would say sigh. Who's a Gangnam style, dude? Oh, the most famous man maybe in ever. Is it S C I or S I G A? PSY. Wow. You thought it was sigh. Yeah. Those were the only possible two spellings to you. Yeah. PSY is a joke. Why would it ever be that? Yeah. Gang. Look at that. It's low. 600 million. It's because I think he was pretty Spotify. Yeah. I think so. Maybe it was YouTube. That blew up. Yeah. Yeah. Not a good song. I remember the first song I downloaded on Spotify. What was it? A big Sean Calvin Harris collab.

8:15Nice. And it's like about opening your mouth wide. It's a really weird song. That's a weird first download. Yeah. My first save was I'm a man by Mac DeMarco. Because I'm a man. I'm a way. Good song. Oh, I was thinking of I'm the man. Cool. Yeah. Oh, no, you're thinking of Aloe Black. Yeah. He's also cool. He's cool as fuck. Yeah. It's song about opening your mouth wide. It's like open that shit wide. Let me see out. And then it's like, it was that era of EDM when it was just like a xylophone drop. Yeah. I love that shit. Yeah. Dude, I've been watching old celebrity apprentice. Yeah. Dude, he's already in rhythmic. These lyrics are crazy. Let me see how big your mouth is. It's such a weird open wide. Go in hard till I OD. I mean, this is nothing new in like rap music, but this is a Calvin Harris ballad with Big Sean. Okay. So Big Sean's rapping that. And Big Sean said while she take off my trousers.

9:16Yeah. Oh. Sorry, Nick. I interrupt you. Where are you saying? I've been watching old celebrity apprentice. Oh, really? Yeah. Like watching and knowing that Trump becomes president, it's, it's wild. Is it a fun watcher or a sad one? It's a hilarious one. I bet it's really funny. Because like the celebrity one, he like, it's the most hodgepodge of like really struggling for relevant celebrities. So the one I was watching, I had like make a perfume for his wife, Melania, and it was a team of like the country singer, Trace Atkins and Penn Gillette, Lil Jon and Dennis Rodman. Oh my. And they're having to make this perfume and they make Dennis Rodman team lead. Yeah. That's a good call. That's a good call. Let's give it to Dennis. Let's make him team lead. And they like showed it to the whole Trump family and they spelled Melania wrong.

10:19And like Trump was about to fire Dennis because like they were all pretty offended. And they were just like inexcusable, absolutely fucked up, like disrespectful to my wife. And then they're like, Dennis, you were the team lead. Like they're on the bottom. Yeah. And like the whole team was like, yeah, Dennis was like in charge of like that. He's spelling. And Dennis goes, whoa, whoa, whoa. You guys just told me I had to read it. You said I didn't have to check this. You didn't say I had to check the spelling. And that was the most Rudy Jundits use I've ever heard. I'm about to say. Backed into a quote, you just said I had to read it. You said not that I had to spell check. The way he was in charge of reading the name they came out. He was in charge of reading the copy before setting up the printer, but he wasn't it. No, no, he was just in charge of, yeah, he said all they told me to do was read it. Yeah, that's the, when you're dyslexic, you, when you back into a corner, you use anything you got. Yeah, you use anything you got. You just go, I had my guy. Yeah, yeah, no, listen, you told me to read it. You didn't tell me to check the spelling. I feel like Trump would love the worm. You know what, the dance, the worm. Rodman.

11:19Rodman, I can't believe it's funny. It's been the worm. Pretty sure. You calling him Dennis is funny. I'm just calling him, yeah, because it's like a nerdy white name. That's his name. His name is Dennis. He should have like a, he had Carmen Electra screaming Dennis. That's funny. That's funny. I think he had Kim Jong-un screaming. He did. Yeah, he did. I guarantee you he was on some weird, I don't know if Kim Jong, I don't know if he's like sexual like that. Kim Jong-un. I think he gets a lot. Yeah. I think he gets a lot. Him winning the, the video of him winning the election by like 90, he had 99.7 of the vote. And just like people were weeping like when he was getting reinstated and he was like, he has the biggest belly with like the, like the worst leather jacket on that you could imagine and just has all these like North Korean Marines weeping. Yeah. He looks like he dresses like Rick Owens. A little bit. Yeah. Yeah. And we just don't, I can't believe we don't think about him more often.

12:20Jong-un? Or Dennis? Jong-un. His name's Kim, which is funny. Like what he's got going on right now? What does he have got? I don't know what his date of date asks are. Exactly. No one's like wondering. I think a lot of people probably are wondering. It's not like there's no discourse like, hey, what do you think is going on in Kim Jong-un's life? He wakes up and probably has like, just like, Eggs Benedict. Eggs Benedict. And then I just don't know what else, what else his day is. I think he like walks around and looks at ballistic missiles and he's like, yo, yeah. I mean, oh, dude, I got called out for having an Asian walk. Mikey Betts was like, you know, you walk Asian. I always, I walk with my hands behind my back. I didn't know that. I never noticed that. I like grasp my, and I do the Kim Jong-un missile walk around the office. Oh, you do? I guess I do. That's kind of pimped though. I don't think so. I think it's pretty. It's pretty wack. No, I've never noticed that about you. The only person's walk whom I'm very aware of is Brandon's.

13:21He's a very distinct walk. He's always in a hurry for no, for nothing. He also always walks like he's in a low ceiling, like he's in the shire. Oh, he was, he was, he was molded by like a trailer. Yeah, I think so. But even when he's in the gym, when that's 30, the ceiling's 30 feet high, he walks around like it's, like he's ready to head, yeah. He always does that. I was seeing other countries if they had the apprentice, and that most countries have their own version of the apprentice, but the South African apprentice, I didn't watch any episodes, but their host's name is Tokyo Sexwhale. No, it's not. Sexwhale? Yeah. That's probably how it's pronounced. I think it's sex. I've heard people say it. I don't know anything about it. I just know people say Tokyo Sexwhale. I think I've heard you say it. Mandela effect. Yeah. He was in jail with Mandela. That's maybe why. Oh, that's his real name. Tokyo. Yeah. Tokyo Sexwhale. To a model that's 38 years younger than him. If my girl left me for Tokyo Sexwhale, I'm not recovering. Yeah. That's all. But yeah, he's the host of that, like, I guess like, presidents just post the apprentice,

14:24because I think he's damn near close to president and South Africa. Pretty interesting stuff. I've been there. That's an all-time name though. Tokyo Sexwhale. You got the, they just called him Tokyo because he did karate as a kid, which isn't right. Yeah. Hey, you Tokyo. Yeah, you're Tokyo. It's like, I don't associate Japan with karate at all. That's Chinese to me. I think so. Yeah. I guess I do too. This should have called it, yeah. Sumo. There is an Asian dude on Oklahoma State's wrestling team. And I was in there the fan section and they just, his nickname was Kung Fu and Panda. Not together though. Yeah. That's pretty fucked up. My boy Vincent Goo was on our lacrosse team and he was the great wall of China because he just stood in front of the goal and got hit by the ball. He wasn't the goalie though. Dude, this is the fence man. Me and my, me and my friend, Jono, when we were on like our little bullying shit.

15:28And Jono? Yeah. We were on our little bullying shit in middle school. We had this friend, Peter, who is this little redhead kid and we made, we made his nickname China face. Why? Because we knew he wouldn't be able to figure it out. There was nothing that, and we just, it was so mean and so fucking bad. Like, we just called him China face. He hated it. It was so mean. And he had, the whole joke was that there was nothing that he could figure it out. Unless it was super white and it could be China as like the plate. Yeah. That actually would have worked. But we didn't even get there. Yeah, I didn't expect you. Yeah. Didn't expect you to get there. Fuck you. Kyle, what's on your face? What? What do you think I mean? The intentional red mark that you made on your face? Yeah. So you like kind of noticed it, but not really? I definitely noticed it. But like you got offended when I called out like whatever was going on under your eyes. But this one looks like you took marker. Yeah. I'm trying to soft launch a facial scar like a, a gash implant. I would love that. I want a gash. I want one that goes over my eyebrow.

16:28Everyone wants to know. I really want a gash, like a horrible one. You don't want a horrible gash. I do. I do. I want the attention. Wasn't there a chick that was super popular online that had a scar on her face and it found out she was doing it with makeup every day? Yeah. I feel like I want a tick talker or something. Yeah. I think so. But you want a real one? I want, yeah. I'm sure like we have the surgical tools to give, to give me a gash, right? I've always wanted to open a scar shop, but like we had like a shark jaw that could give you a shark bite scar or like a lion's paw that would scrape down your neck. I want to act. Yeah. I'm going to be put under with anesthetics and then maybe bring in a shark. Yeah. It would have to be like fresh out of waters, maybe like a, like a mobile aquarium. Sure. Bring it in and have the doctors control it. But like, can you control it out to my face? Some scars when they do you look hot and some look like would render you unfuckable,

17:30unlook atable. Right. And I think I'm ready for that. I think when I have a scar on my stomach and it's like just like pink, it's kind of gross. It wouldn't be hot. Right. I want a horrible gash. You want to get for this industry specifically, it would be great for promotion. Your gash? Yeah. And I'm never addressing it. And every comment would be like how, how, how about you get that great for engagement? Or I kind of hand out it like, yeah, like, well, how would you, how would you hand out, like would you be super, super subtle? I would always, yeah, I would always prefer to post gash life is like a nice, you know, never since chapter two, you go, chapter two, your whole life lead up to the gash was one chapter. And then going back, you talk about just like the incident, but never everyone's what happened. Yeah. Exactly. I know how you can get a scar. What have you ever branded yourself? You get a nice scar from that almost like a burn if you were a wrestler, you, you either

18:32did a makeshift branding, a real branding, or you had a traumatic experience where you pussyed out on branding yourself. So which was yours? Yes, I was the traumatic experience of pussy, pussying out, you were, you were, you had like the hot iron close to you. The schineses and the twins were so close, they were like, you got to do it. And then I ended up just, I'm using a lighter and holding it to my, it's like my ribcage and then just left like a, a black, a little black, like a little bit of ash or smell. And I was like, trying to act like that was like, I did it, wrestler, yeah, wrestlers and football players always. Yeah. But I went to, I remember going to like Morgantown and like, partying with the WVU guys and they're on a different level. Really? And they're like, we have to hurt ourselves. That was the, the general vibe of the party is like, we can't just talk. We can't just be crass. We can't dance like we have to destroy each other.

19:33Yeah. I know. A lot of dudes had like that circle burn from a, they would like heat up like a quarter and then drop it on like their thigh. Yeah. There was a lot of that. They were like, like getting clothing hangers. Yeah. And doing May shift and like trying to do the outline of West Virginia, which is geometrically one of the most irregular shapes. It's a pretty tough one. It's a pretty tough one. So they just had horrific scars in, yeah, crazy shapes and they're like doing like war chance about it. And the girls in their circle world into it. Oh, definitely. They would too high degree. Definitely. I, and I'm stuck in this like my, my appeal is my, you can say wit is my cock in my, is like it. Dude, chicks were crazy about, everybody was crazy about your cock wasn't my cock.

20:33Maybe it was like my weird humor, I guess, yes, probably didn't. But there was just no audience for that at public university, well, and especially when you're around girls that are into wrestlers, they want guys that are burning themselves. They want the, the egg row, the, uh, savage, the, uh, careless, and then I tried to put on a, I tried to pretend like I was careless. Like look at my Instagram page. That was, but that was a very curated, careless, and it's just not who I was. I was just a still image. Um, it's you can't, don't, message to kids. Don't try to be careless and cool if you're not, you know, if you're not, like if you're constantly worrying in your head about how you're perceived, yeah, don't be, don't try to be the careless cool douche. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Dude, I, I had a, Rudy was a really bad influence on me when I first moved into New York

21:37because I liked how he dressed, and then I tried to do it, and it just didn't work. I was like, yeah, there's like a viral yak clip of me saying something like the fashion police was coming to get you Kyle, and then it cuts to me, and I'm wearing camo pants, like an anime hoodie and a, uh, a $3 fake Chinatown Montclair toboggan or a, a beanie. Yeah. And, uh, it's, it's like, I'm embarrassed. No, no, you were kind of pulling it off. I don't think so. You're kind of like a chameleon, like you have the, the tact and awareness to become the person you want to know. No, I need to, I need, I need to just kind of, uh, I feel like my, my destiny is pretty set in stone. I'm just being a kind of a dorky guy, and I'm fine with that. But you also kind of want to be like a, like a dive bar regular me. Yeah. Like the CD, uh, yeah, I want to bartender to know my kind of get away. You do have that, I've seen it. Yeah.

22:37New York. It's cool. It is. And I loved it. And I wanted to act like it wasn't fucking sick when it happened, but I like looked at you when the dude was like clear to table for me. And I looked back at you as a table. Yeah. Like I should have just walked to the table, but I looked at you and I was like this. Take note. It's watched, watch this. I've never, remember this for me. I have no success at, like, CD, uh, CD dive time places. I mean, you were a regular at like, uh, what was the, what was the protein? And place where that had the turkey chili muscle maker, you were the regular muscle maker grill though. I went there with you. And it was, you were a list, you know, I'm like, I think, yeah, it was cool there. It's such a funny name. Kyle walking into the muscle maker grill was, was like everything halted, everything stopped. Times did still. Yeah. Dude, look at the client.

23:38Dude. What's that dude in the middle doing in muscle maker grill? Is this like a late night spot? No, no. This is just like, uh, it, well, yeah, it's open always and it's just like, if you want to get like three dimensional farts, dude, that's a turd, my friend, I mean, it's, it's the meals smell like pure farts. Everything I would, like you, you were looking good and I was like, I want to look like that. I was having muscle maker grill every day. And I was just getting, do they have any here? It's like, it is a place for vulnerable beginner lifters who think that like they're enslaved to this idea that you have to eat complete shit. It was like the driest chicken. I don't know how this took off. I just got like a cup of ground turkey with like four to five chives on the top. And I was like, this is it. Like this is. Yeah. I'm hitting my macros. Yeah. Yeah. We were going for your macros. Dude.

24:38Yeah. You were actually, look, look, that was like their best looking burger they could have picked out and it looks like it's like, look so dry. I was counting my macros on an app. It's just so stupid. Everything's stupid. Everything. And I kind of do fucking hate dive bars. Yeah. Yeah. I think when it works, it works. But it has to be authentic. But when you go in one and just like, sometimes it's just a mess. Yeah. And the bartender has like, he thinks he's like James Dean, but he's like also like miserable and cynical and like, yeah, there's two other people. They are they're both like kind of a sleep in the acts like you ordering. They hate when they order. They hate when they order. He brings this like sigh of disgust like you have to halt his day. That's every. Yeah. I cannot believe you're making it. And it's like, you won't even look you in the eyes like what the what do you want? He has a beard that comes to a point. And it's like very full.

25:39And yeah, you make his life whatever you order is going to piss him off. He's going to do it. He's going to do some. He's going to fill out random forms first, which I don't think he has to do. He's going to make he has nothing else to do, by the way. Yeah. No, there's no one else like demanding service in any way. I feel like an inconvenience at every dive bar I've ever been in. And it's like six people there and he finally like just slams your drink on the table. It overflows. It spills. And if you ever go in there with like your significant other who's might be drunk, they oh my god. No, they hate it. They hate it. When you bring in a drunk girl. Oh, yeah. They don't have a girl. Yeah, these types don't like anyone. You have to like. And like you almost have to like walk a tightrope to not piss them off. Like, this is my favorite dive bar, but be sure not to do anything to the bartender else. The place is a mess. It stinks. But when you're in cluttered, but you still crave like the acceptance from this, this like hellish loser, it's like unless all you want, like you need to have a massive

26:45uncompired, be extremely fat and be like covered in industrial spillage, but they won't treat you well. But you would work. If you got your facial scar, I think it could work. They would help. It doesn't help that you're definitely ordering Shardinay. Yeah. Bless the thing. I'm wondering him opening up a, yeah, Pinocaine on the bar. Oh, no, yeah. Then I order one. It's like, dude, that's the easiest thing to pour. Yeah. Yeah. This is very, you're lucky. Yeah. You won't look at you. What do you want me to order? I think it's like sorry. Yeah. Unless you came, I didn't do a 12 hour shift in the fucking septic tank, but like we're in Manhattan or like Fulton Market. Yeah. Like who, who, who was your clientele? Yeah. What blue-collar people are coming in? These guys are like, they're not, and they're like apolitical. You think that they like kind of look conservative, but they, they're the types that like, I hate everyone. Yeah, that's it. And they mean it. I hate everyone equally. They mean it.

27:46There's that super, super fake dive bar in the West Loop by you guys. Rudy took me to it, and it sucked. You watched it? Yeah. Oh, here. Yeah. It sucked in. There was like a pair of spurs drilled into the wall. I don't remember that one. Yeah, dude. It was like, are you talking about? Used to be like a, I believe like a more urban bar, and then it closed down by your old place. Is it by the, is it the beer centric spot with a wolf one, whatever? No, no, no. It's by your old place. Oh. It just, it's new. And it's just like very fake. It's very, very fake, but right by your old place under the train. I don't remember that. Yeah. Not Texan talk. That's not a dive. My mind also went there too. And then there's like those super uber famous dives, like an East Village doc holidays. Right. But then that's like not really a dive then if it's uber famous, right? He kind of does take away the appeal. What kind of, what's your ideal bar, Kyle? It's, it's not cool.

28:47It's one that's like really nice. Yeah. Just like, it's really not upscale. It's big. It's spacious and like expensive kind of corny. The, the decor is pleasant. Maybe tropical. Okay. There's upbeat to music playing. Like how upbeat? Like EDM or do you want like, yeah, like there's like, it's like house, house. Jimmy Buffett. No, not Jimmy Buffett, but I love a beach bar and like the servers are like trying to get tips. Like they're being, yes, they're being nice. That's what I really like. Those are like a little flirtatious with you. The dudes flirting with you. Like the dudes are like, no, they're so good at their job that like they're, they're charming. Okay. I want charming service. Did you ever go to the beach bar theme, Jimmy Buffett themed restaurant and we're in for ribs, DJs, DJs, I would go up there all the time. It was DEE, DJs, and it's a rib spot.

29:49Yeah. Fucking famed. It's, I guess, but it's like Flamingo themed. That's not it, but whatever. It's Flamingo themed in there and it's always Jimmy Buffett playing, but in Whearton, which is like the dirtiest 90% of the town is a mill. Yeah, it's just a, it's where I was raised for the first three years. It's like paying steel mill town. Yeah. But there's like some cool hip Italians. Yeah. It's like Scarf Italians, like Scarf wearing Italians, like, you know, they got some money. There's like, they live in the hills. Yeah. Weird. Yes. No. Yes. Whearton. It's made of commute to Pittsburgh. That doesn't look, they went to Madonna. Thank you for pulling up a picture of pasta, Jack. Yeah. Yeah. This is the Italian. Good reference.

30:49Oh, Italian, like pasta. Yeah. No. I'm still hung up on Flamingo themed. It's Flamingo themed. They're always, they're always playing like Jimmy Buffett. I like that. But just Flamingo's. Yeah. Jimmy Buffett's thinking about fucking Bumphardo. Holy shit. You know Bumphardo, Kyle? This picture's crazy. Oh, yeah. That's everybody there. That is. That is a dream day. Yeah. That is like West Fuji. Go out there. Check out the talent and get a big drink. That's everybody there. Oh, my God. Is that a milkshake? Oh, no. That's like a, that's just alcohol. That's just the booze. It's an Italian flag. Yeah. Yeah. No. Yeah. No. It's foolish. Yeah. It's worth pulling. But that's what I recommend going to DJs though. That's funny. Stel blue coffees. New can lattes are here, crafted with 100% Colombian coffee. Each can is a good source of protein and comes in two smooth flavors, espresso cafe mocha

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32:50Going to get wings was, oh my god, I was so excited. Oh my god. Yeah. Just listening to music really loud to head to get wings. It's a mountain to we would go to this place called drovers that was just a house in the house. Fucking nowhere. And the drive was super inconvenient, super windy. I would get sick every time going up there, just in the middle of nowhere and you would go up there and get drunk. Those are the happiest moments of my life going to get in the car of me and my boys and going to drovers. And dad, my boys, dad, yeah, and going to drovers, it was the quest. That's it. That's it. That's just this house up in the middle of nowhere. Good wings. Oh yeah. Yeah. We were convinced that they were the best wings in the world and people still are. I went back recently. Hold up. No. I mean, they're fine. They're fine. I think it was just like, I think the more, I think this is universal. The more inconvenient it is to get somewhere, the more you'll convince yourself that it was worth the trip. People like, the people like earning or the delusion of earning, yeah, it's better than

33:55getting treated like a fucking raccoon in a dive. They treat you like a possum. They treat you like any sort of like a garbage eating marsupi. Oh, I've like, I go to the ATM to get my cash because they don't accept cards. Oh, and I'll like flaunt my wad with a smile on my face. You can't flaunt your wad at a dive. To buy, to order a Moscow mule from this guy who is going to treat it like I just demanded he worked overtime three hours of hard labor. But what he wants you to order is probably like a pretty warm, core's light in a bottle that has like the label on it that hasn't been a label for core's lights since like 2004. The labels, yeah, he wants you to order that and then he still gets pissed. I've tried being that guy who orders the, the appropriate thing, like the shadow whiskey with the beer and it didn't work. And it's like, they know they still like are so burdened. I just don't know what you need to do then because then somebody else will come in and

34:57he'll like, dab him up and like, just be talking to them. Yeah. Yeah. And it's a dude that's like not too different than you and I, they just have it. I need to go with Eddie. I think Eddie is like the universal. He walks into a bar and is treated with a dive and he's treated with respect. You got to have it. Yeah. I don't know. That's just some body language. It's like a, I think it might be like a scent or like a pheromone, like an animal thing. Yeah. I can, I can see that. Yeah. Eddie is like a tribal. Eddie is like the ultimate peacemaker. He's like, you bring him anywhere and he's kind of like the one that defuses anything. He makes you belong. Like you got, if we, if alien showed up, I'm sending Eddie. Eddie is human tofu. It is like you, you, you put him next to something and he'll absorb that flavor. I've always said that. Yeah. I'm glad you made it public now. You have been saying that a lot lately. Yeah. Yeah. I've been saying that a lot lately. What state do you think has like the best dive bars? I think it's also like a regional thing and like where you're located in the country.

35:59Yeah. I think that like, I mean, the dive bar guys are going to get nutty. I think everyone thinks that their dive bar places in the dive bar. People are a man to size them. Like, oh, you got to go to this small town in the middle of Wisconsin. And I don't know Vegas, I think has some for a lot of people treat them like zoos though. They'll walk into it. Look at the bartender and like look at how shitty like my rickety table and this and that. The cushions. It's ripped. Risp. Spring is coming out. I don't know. It's going to be good. Yeah. You order a standard beer. You get a beer. I don't know. I. I. They're everywhere though. Shitty bars are everywhere. Colorado. I'd imagine has good ones. I don't know what you're pretty good. Like so synonymous with like ruggedness and masculinity. It's the ultimate escape from insecurity and weakness. But I think a dive bar has built up this.

37:00You go there after a hard day's work. That's I think that's how it's earned its reputation. And you go in there and you be quiet and it's fucking medicinal. It's not social. Yeah. You said you sit stoically and it's meant for guys who did it do. 12 hours of hard labor. Yeah. But now it's like it that's dying. It's not a thing. It's just dudes who go there every day in our alcoholics. It's a dudes who go there every day. You buy the t-shirt that they're selling for $45. And then you pretend to like like playing Kino. And that's it. Yeah. But like, I don't need like if it's making a list, if it's like, right, I don't know if it counts. See, right. Oh, those are all just too nice. And they're probably expensive. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I get it. Like if I had friends visiting from in town, I don't think I'm taking them to a dive bar. No. Did you go to any bars in Cleveland? Yeah. Where'd you go? Flannery's or flanagans?

38:01So it's just like a chain kind of, yeah. Just a bar. Give a good time. Yeah. Just seeing old wrestlers and touching each other and they've made fun of my outfit. Did they? Oh, he's probably wearing aloe. It was in a meat. Yeah. I was wearing an aloe leather jacket. Oh, yeah. And oh, my God, that might as well have been a pride flag to those boys. Yeah. And it was a bunch of the pit wrestling along. Oh, no. It was in a meaty. It just like not just call it out. Everyone gathered around to point and laugh. And I'm like, oh, fuck. Like you guys are fucking Hilljacks. Like dude, you're wearing your fucking dry fit with your fucking boots, dude. You guys are. It didn't work. It didn't. No chance. They probably picked you up and passed you around. Look at this. It was so embarrassing. Like being underdressed at a function is horrible. And being overdressed is so much worse. I disagree, I think, but you could take, did you take the jacket off? Yeah. What lied beneath? Fucking, was it a sweater?

39:03A toddy. What's a toddy? Todd Snyder. Oh boy. Yeah. Oh, no. The toddy under the aloe. Exactly. And he was like, who am I trying to be? You dress nice. I'm trying to just dress nice, but not dries. But I think like you've built up this persona, like every time, remember the first time you wore jeans into the office, people thought you had like a job interview for somewhere else. That was where I was wearing like a regular pair of 501s, everybody was like, oh, he's out of here. He's dressed for success. But it's funny. You say you don't want to draw eyes, but a leather jacket is quite the statement. Leather jacket's tough. Yeah. I wouldn't even do that. I've never attempted. Me neither. Yeah. I mean, that's a very funny alumni move. You're like, yeah, I'm elevated. But the aloe leather jacket, aloe's workout apparel, right? They're getting into just like, yeah.

40:03Okay. Was your dad like, was he dressed nice or was he, oh, he doesn't dress nice? Right. Your dad wears shorts everywhere. It's like a bad thing. Your dad probably said it. It's like a badge of honor for him. It doesn't, his hair is a mess and it works because he actually pulls off like being this careless clown. Is he careless? And I'm a methodical clown. So he's just naturally a clown. Was he doing better socially than there? He always does. Does it piss you off? People don't understand that like he has always dominated my friend groups. I've had boys who go, who have went out with him. Dude, I would take my boys for a spin in the car while I sat back and like looked at the computer. Like my boys, I had classmates growing up baseball teammates, football teammates, wrestling teammates who would come over to hang with my dad.

41:04That's still like my dad sent me a picture in New York. He was at a bar he was with Fidelberg. Your dad has it too. Yeah, your dad definitely has it. My dad and Maresh went to a Metz game or a Yankees game on Father's Day. We're. Yeah, dude. I was doing rediscovering. Oh, you're out. I know, dude. You're not even in the will. No. No. Yeah. Like we're like, I'm trying to, I have to like try to be my dad on sticks. Like a shift, like manually try to curate. And your dad's a cruise like he's just automatically his is. I had that same thing with with my mom with like our friends that were girls. I know where you're going to go. No, all your boys were hanging out with mom. No, no, no, no. My friends like, I knew I'm going to go. Mom's taking a drive. You don't hear all the boys. No, no, no, no. Dude, that's chronically embarrassed. Oh my. Yeah. Yeah, you're jumping on the thing before I gave you your mom. Yeah. No, dude. Like growing up, we had like a big crew of friends. And then there was like three or four girls that were like, some of them were dating, some of us, whatever.

42:05My mom would just go to happy hour with the girls separate of like me. Were they like venting about you boys? I don't fucking know what they were doing. That's and that is a nightmare nightmare. Nightmare. Yeah, I would. No, no, no, no. No, it was like I got a call from the call I'd get. They're like, oh, yeah, we're at happy hour with your mom. And I'm like, this has to what's going on. What is the being said? What's going on? Yeah, your mom hanging out with your roster. That's a nightmare. Telling you about all of your ailments. Yeah. This is a disaster. Why is my mom with my roster and my mom's your whole fuck? I open up my friends with my entire roster. Nightmare. There's no playbook for that. That's a local brew fest. Oh my god. You're getting sushi, dude. They're at happy hour. My mom's at a gastropub with three of my roster. What a nightmare. What are they talking about? That sucks. But like, Kyle, you probably have to be like, your friends meet your dad. And then they probably pull you aside. And they think they're telling you this for the first time.

43:06They're like, dude, your dad's fucking hilarious. Always. And then yeah, yeah. And then does he run the same place? He has my dad. He has my, like, he just, because the first time I went to dinner with him, he makes him fall in love. He kept on going to the bathroom and sneaking me roles with toilet paper that he stole from the bathroom. Yeah. So that should work. That would work on the wailing boys. Yes. Like the wrestling teammates. Oh, they probably eat that shit up. Yeah. So what's going to the bathroom? And they've, they've probably, he makes them feel special. He does. He's good at that. Is he still a prolific tweeter? I haven't seen anything. Every time, yeah, I'll open it up and he's just tweeted like a picture of something, like borderline, very inappropriate. He rides that line very well. No, I think he just, he's retired now, right? Is he? I don't know. Retired from his job. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So he's like an unfyrobable, like, what are you doing? Yeah, he's uncastleable. Right.

44:06What can you do to him? So who just, he, he walks a tightrope. Yeah, he's like a terror cell, like you can't get rid of it. No, it's just always going to be a brown. Yeah. You just made a million dug when always. He's a one man, he has a blonde line. Yeah. Dad's online. It's tough. Like, there's some like, I follow some pirates accounts and like they'll DM me and just like, hey, man, thanks for the follow. I was talking to your dad about you the other day. I'm like, what? And my dad's just like mingling with all these like pirates burners. It's for pirates. Yeah. Oh, like fans. Like pirate fans. Yeah. They were already talking to your dad. Yeah. Yeah. Cause like, I think my dad is like in the, the pirates burner verse. Oh boy. I know. Your dad's a social butterfly though. I think it's the nature of just older men. He's a good time. I've had blast with him when I been out with him. The shame. Yeah. It's like he just, he's way more fun than I don't know. He just, he had a age where like, oh, you're, you're, uh, inhibitions.

45:08Yeah. You just don't give a shit. My mom was the same with my sister's friends. All the, really? Like, she was the, the top gossip like what have them howling. So me and my sister would like just stay upstairs in our bedrooms when both of our friends were over. And it'd be like awkward having to walk down and like, well, they noticed me. Your mom, like when we came in from COVID, she was the one that kept me up to date with like the, uh, the, uh, caller daddy girls song. Oh, yeah. She was, she was, she was into that. She was giving me like, you got to tell Fran this, um, yeah. She was giving you notes to pass along to Fran advice. Like, yeah, she's giving me fr, a lot of, a lot of undelivered Fran messages. Yeah. You're going to have to pass that. Yeah. Yeah. That's, feel a lot of guilt and honestly, Fran should too. Yeah. Right. She didn't listen to your mom.

46:08I was so intimidated by Fran that I didn't deliver my mom's, but you had just, if I could go back. Guys, like, guys at home before it's too late, deliver your messages to Fran. I'm in the last step of my grieving process. Sure. Like then she'll be like, oh, I just have to do this. You'd like, if I ever go back the next time we're in New York, 2020, she wanted you to have this. Oh, dude, if I ever walk into the New York office, it's just like you and Fran holding the back of each other's heads weeping. Fran, I got to tell you about you so much, Fran. Fran, I got one thing, one more thing about Matt James, one more thing that I'm crying weeping. And she, you're a puddle. Fran's like holding you in the face. She can't do anything. She's in the worst ethical dilemma of love. Yeah. You ever cornered in the studio? I have, I'm just like, I finally like, ball my eyes for the first time.

47:12She's in front of my co-workers and it's Fran. And you're delivered up. She is enslavement to my, my greed. You're delivering questions about pilot Pete. You're weeping over dated pop culture. It's questions that she's known the other years. It's years old. One more thing. Episode three of the Golden Beach. I can tell you. I can't believe I didn't tell you this one I should have. It works for, I swore to her I was going to tell you. But really? Yeah. Yeah, dude, you, yeah. I'm sure Fran would appreciate it. I got to like, yeah, I got to have a Fran in Rio or to like, do really get some, bro. That's your closure. That's your closure. Yeah, dude, you can finally, you can finally like get back to yourself by just doing this one. You take him to breakfast. I could give that.

48:13I could put them in the worst situation of their life. Yes. I want it. You could derail. You could derail like a month. Going back. You could frame out the permanently alter Fran in Rio. Yeah, just like freely. Do you like that you, you have a 15 minute call with them and then you just see online like they canceled their tour. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And she, yeah, this is real like mom always get things to tell Fran in Rio or like questions to ask them. And I think I did it like maybe once and they appreciated it, but I still felt weird in it. But, uh, yeah, I think I'm going to, you should. I think it's my duty. I think you as a mature man. Right. And finally, it's hard and it's uncomfortable. Just start a group with them. Just like, do you guys have like 10 minutes? Yeah. Do it over zoom. Like my biggest nightmare would be if I wasn't me and I texted me asking if nightmare

49:17is you texting me if I wasn't me and having me text me about a conversation that needed to be had. And it's somebody you like, you, I'm sure you have both of their numbers, but that's the extent of the relationship. Yeah. Like you've played Fran in trivia. We got, should we get them on the, me and Rudy will leave. We can get them on the episode and you can just, dude, yeah. We should get you on chicks in the office. I feel like that, that card might get on. It'll be Tyler Cameron and then it'll be Kyle and just like Tyler Cameron talks like dating rumors and this season, the bachelor in Kyle, my mom would give me messages to deliver to Tyler, and like the guys, oh, that, that, that, so what, you got it. Yeah. No, this, I can go back into text. I don't really want to, but, um, yeah, 20, 20, 20, 20s, if she knew a bachelor contestant was coming on, coming into the office, she would give me like advice to give them.

50:19Wait, did she watch Zack season because Zack's our friend. I think she did. Yeah. Okay. I'm sure he would be, Zach, yeah, he would be comfortable. Yeah, I got to get matched. Just check Zack and just be like, test it, just be like, hey, like, you know these guys. Would they be cool? Could, ask Zack to pass on the matter? Yo, can you, can you guys give KB your coworker like 15 minutes to just pour his heart out? Right. What have to say? Yes. Yes, you would. And you're almost by talking about this publicly, putting the pressure on that. Yeah. So away from it. Reach out to me. Yeah. I'm expecting you to be on the next episode. That would be the funniest graphic of like this week episode. It's, it's you, weeping, weeping, weeping in the, weeping, as a, as a fan, there's just no way you can prepare for that. No.

51:20And they would be, they would be nice. And I'm sure they would be like, it's okay. Go ahead. But like, you could see in their eyes, like get the fucking quit, fucking stop this now. And I'd go in with my fake gash and you're, yeah, but like, they wouldn't bring it up. Yeah. Leather aloe. You're leather aloe fake gash. You would cry your gash off how your gash is running down onto your leather jacket, how your gash is standing, standing your, standing your, standing your Todd, you have a gash stain on your Todd, maybe what if they brought you on tour? Oh, if you ran out, you dance down the aisles and then started weeping. Holy shit. Oh, that, oh, so it would be the most silent a group of people could ever be. It would be more cathartic than a shy of a buff interview. Oh, my God. On the floor.

52:20Yeah, that's unbelievable. Maybe I'll ruin their lives.