Daily Spark: Before You Speak

0:00Welcome to the Daily Spark. A quick flash of inspiration as you dare to shine. Here's your host, Pamela Gear. Hi there fellow luminaries. Welcome to the Daily Spark. If you've tuned into previous episodes, you'll remember that I've defined shine as living our passion, our purpose, in creating our lives intentionally by design, not by default, join me as we learn to shine together. Today's episode's called Before You Speak. I'm in several support communities that have open chats and conversations, each with their own rules about giving advice, listening and holding space. And I'll be honest, I struggle sometimes, especially when I'm frustrated with my own family members whose choices might ripple into my life. My instinct is to tell them what I think they ought to do. And you can imagine how well that goes over.

1:05A friend reminded me today of an acronym used in Alonon, a support group for families navigating relationships with alcoholics. They use an acronym called Think. It's meant to help you pause before you speak. And each letter stands for something the T stands for, is it thoughtful? The H is to ask yourself, is it honest? The I is to ask yourself, is it intelligent or invited? And then is it necessary and is it kind? Think. When I hold my own comments up to that lens, some of them don't pass the test. Some cross into truly unhelpful or maybe even inflammatory territory. Are my words thoughtful? Are they invited? Are they kind? And the big one, are they necessary? I mean, do I really need to say that? So often the answer is no. Because most of the time, people aren't asking me to fix anything. They're asking me to hold space, to be present, to listen while they sort through their own thoughts.

2:13But as a lifelong fixer, that's a challenge. My reflex is to jump in, solve, direct, advise. It's a habit born from love, but it doesn't always land as love. How about you? Does the THINK acronym resonate for you today? Can you maybe look back at some recent conversations you've had with family, friends, colleagues, and notice where THINK might have helped? I'm learning that when I keep an eye on my communication, when I focus on what is truly useful, rather than just what's bubbling up in me in the moment, my relationship's strengthened, my connections deepened, and when I'm connected, heard, and supported, when I'm offering that same thing to others, it becomes so much easier to shine. That concludes another episode of Dare to Shine Podcast Daily Spark, a quick flash of energy to inspire you to shine.

3:14Please go on over to iTunes, or wherever you listen to the Dare to Shine Podcast, and subscribe and leave a rating. That helps other luminaries like you find this show, and begin to shine.