Costco Thinks It’s Christmas 🎙 #394

0:00All right back to it. Welcome back everybody to another episode of the UBET radio podcast. Boys are in the studio after a nice Labor Day weekend. Did you guys labor or did you not labor on Labor Day? I, I labored all day. I labored all day as well. What about you? I guess it's whatever. What do you consider labor? You know, I'm on lawn. I can't be labor. I did labor then. Checking out the garbage. That's labor. I did both. Yeah. So I labored. Yeah, I mean, full time dad. Yep. You don't have to like be like clocking in necessarily to be doing labor. No, yeah. I got clocked down like 3 30 on a lawn. Passion. Passion tire for the first time. Nice. How use the plug? The plug thing. Yeah. Is that sat sat satisfying for you? Because it's satisfying. It was extremely satisfying. But the weird thing I think my tire is probably blocked. I love the material that the plug has made out. Yeah. It's so strange. But also kind of satisfying. I don't know. It looks like licorice almost looks like a my. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My grandpa just gave me a bag of plugs like

1:05three days ago. Yeah. I'm done. Did you eat them all? One of them. It looks like like a chocolate licorice. It does. Yeah. It does. It has the same consistency too. So I would be longing if I said it wasn't tempted. So you fucked your tire or your tires? Fuck. I think my tires fuck because normally when your tires pop, it's a nail in there, right? Yeah. Yeah. And you're supposed to remove the four object from your tire. Mine was a shard of a glass. So removing the glass, I'm pretty sure some of it crumbled off and fell inside the tube. Oh boy. I was like trying to be careful to make sure you get the piece of glass out in one one chunk. But I know there's some crunchies that got in there. Yeah. Broken glasses. No joke. Yeah. No. I just like that had to be some joke. Don't fucking joke about. Yeah. Broken glass. So I think no joke. It's not laughing. It's not a joke. It's like heat exhaustion. Not a joke. Yeah. Or identity theft. Yeah. Yeah. So you patched up.

2:10Yeah. She's plugged. We'll see. Yeah. I made it here. So do you think Flexio would fix a like a shard of glass shard of glass in a tire? Maybe. Yeah. Flexio fixes everything. I feel like I don't own any flex. I've never actually used it. You talk about flex. I feel like a lot. I'm kind of amazed by a guy who's never used it. I am a little bit amazed by flex. Well, and the claims that they make your birthday's coming up. Oh, in June. Birthday's coming up in June. I think we know what we're going to get Ryan. The chances of us remembering that. I'm going to get you Christmas bonus that's just flex seal this year. Is that fine with you? Give me a five gallon bucket of it. Of like, wait, what do you mean by five gallon bucket? I don't know. They got a cell in five gallon buckets. Is it a tape? There is a paint that you can paint on. So is that what you're thinking? That's kind of what I was thinking. Yeah. Because there's also the spray. The spray in the tape. Yeah. Yeah. The spray would be more convenient, but I'd get more bang from my bucket and five gallon bucket. I think. Okay. And I'd have a five gallon bucket.

3:13You want to get paid a Christmas bonus in five gallon buckets of flex seal. All right. I just feel like I'd never have to go to the hardware store again. I never have to buy a roll of duct tape ever again. All right. There's flex. There's flex seal that I painted on on the inside of this you betty. I know. And we all know how that works. Works great. Yeah. Yep. Held up years later, you should flex seal the outside. The next iteration. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. We'll see. Yeah. Hope everyone had a good Labor Day weekend. It's fall. I was going to. I was 90. It's 90 degrees out. And it's fall here in Fargo. And so I went full fall. I got jeans and long sleeve on. Yeah. I was shocked by those boots. Because those are the boots I had to take off at the bar because my feet got hot. Yeah. But in this office, it's always fall. That's true. Right. Those shocks by it. See those. Oh my God. And then high socks. He's like, fuck. He's dead. I can't breathe right now. It's 90 degrees.

4:15How are your feet getting hot? Just looking at it kind of. No, I'm not so bad. Very comfortable there. Um, so yeah. It's good. Uh, it's good weekend. And my kid, though, not happy that we're not going to lake anymore. That's a tough one. Well, he knows. Well, towards the end of the summer, he's like becoming very, aware. He's getting to the age where we started to become very aware. And so then he started realizing like, oh, we were at this home, but then we also were at this lake home. So like in the middle of the week, he would, he just wants to go to lake. Yeah. Yeah. So he would just be like Lake home, Lake home, Lake home, Lake home. We're like, we can't go. We're going Thursday and woke up this morning. First thing he said, Lake home. Wow. Those are his first words. And so we, we, we, we, we, we're, uh, I don't know. This is a new territory for me. I have to

5:19explain to him that we'll, we'll go there again next year. Damage control kind of. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's time will fade. But yeah, he's definitely like getting sad that we tell him we're not going there. Yeah. You'll forget about it in like a couple weeks. Correct. Yep. Yeah. So you know, but what, what was first words? Peepoo and poo poo probably like high. Oh, okay. I thought that was a big milestone thing. For cans got to ridden down somewhere in the baby book. In the baby book. She did, that is very funny. You bring that up because she did buy a book for the baby stuff. Start out strong. And I mean, they're usually only like the first 12 months. Yeah. It's like, I think wish bought for maybe she finished it. I don't know. But last time I checked, I think we were only like, got six months in there. That's, that's usually where people drop off. And then the second kid, doesn't get one. Maybe gets a book, but you fill out, you fill out the day of birth stuff. And then the third kid doesn't even, a book doesn't cross your mind.

6:22Mm-hmm. It's like a good story with a good start. You just don't know what's put in the middle. I wonder what the most sophisticated first word on record is. That's a great question. Because I feel like it's either high by mama or dad. Yeah. I went to a two for three were dad. Okay. Maybe it was mama. I don't know if it was it blacked it out. So, so fucking pissed. It was, this is the order of operations. Baby's first world word, dad angry, dad calling a drywall repaired shop. Yeah. Crushed what, crushed monster OG on the floor. Yeah. Fucking went full Kyle. A dead milk in cigarettes. Fucking Ben Affleck on the stoop. Yeah, with baby books, I wonder if like scrapbook is still popular with women or not. So I feel like when I was growing up, scrapbooks were like the bees knees.

7:22I think it's coming back a little bit because I've been seeing some, some scrapbooking TikToks. Oh, it's like, why am I getting this? Are you on the screen? I'm, I'm really trying to get that off of there. I scroll by a little bit quick. Great spin zone would be that you were on scrap wood TikTok and somehow you ended up on scrapbooking TikToks. I wish I could claim that. But I think I think they just think I like scrapbooking. I mean, I would say probably of anyone in the entire office, you are the craftiest of all. Yeah. You would be the one to scrapbook. You were drawn to the crafts much more than the rest of us. I do like to craft things. Yes. It's probably because my wife got into needlework and I bought her some needlework stuff. So that's probably where it came. I think those two are adjacent, you know. Same church. Now we talk needlework. We talk in tattoos. We're talking in Northampec. We're talking heroin. The towels that you hang on your own. The Beedies. The Beedies are talking to. Got it. We're talking Doilly. Yeah. We're talking needlework.

8:24Like steroids. Yeah. Sewing. Yeah. It's a type of sewing. Get that hoop. Then it stretches out the cloth and you like images in the cloth with needles and shit. And then we'll wipe the white cloths. And what are you making? Oh, I get it. Yeah. Yeah. You have this white dish towel. Yes. Put over the ring. You then do a design in it and then got it. That's all she's done so far is like, and you can embroider. I think it's embroidery technically. Yeah. It is. Yeah. So it's a form of manual embroiderer. Yes. She's doing embroidery. Which yarn? No. Thread thread thread thread thread. Yes. And I guess the type of thread matters a lot. All right. I got to imagine. Yeah. I like how it's just the more you guys or the more you know about it. Well, I had to make sure I got it somehow. I ended up on scrapbooking. It just kind of clicked for me in the moment that that's probably what did it. What is your favorite type of scrapbooking? Good question.

9:25Creative memories. I don't know. My mom was into that. We had a bunch of creative memories. Isn't creative memories just the fucking figurines? The angel figurines? Those are precious moments. Yeah. Creative memories is a scrapbooking company. Okay. Do you a dollar? I need you to be honest with the audience here and us. Do you have a cricket? I do not have a cricket. I swear to God. You have family members got one though. One of my best friends, wife, has a cricket. So all my cricket needs go to go to Tasha. Shout out to Tasha. Do you have cricket needs? Not really. We have talked. It's starting to unravel. So we're in a sudden. Really? That buddy who's he's also need to work, but tattoo need to work. What we're trying to figure out, I let him tattoo my thigh. That was the first ever. Wait, let me see. This is a new tattoo. New-ish. When did you do it? A new two. Time out. Two, one, two. When did you do that? Easter. You've had that the whole summer.

10:26Yes. He hasn't wanted his chubby to work. It's true. He doesn't. Oh, where is chubby's? But he does get chubby's at work all the time. He doesn't wear on me. Get some, especially on your scrapbook. Let me see it. We see it. So it just says two, one, two. Yep. Is that your those are our college house numbers? That's fucking old. I know. I know. I know. I know. Fuck me. Have mother fucking cold. I like that. Do I have permission to speak freely? Yeah, go ahead. That's awesome. I'm aware. What happened? So what the other hood? You're not getting it. I said, we've been a God out of hand situation. It was a total we're calling. He mentioned that he had a tattoo gun. And me and another buddy, we got we had like, did couples Easter. Like, and we all brought the kids and stuff. So we had all lived together for many years in college. And he's like, I got a tattoo gun. And we're like, oh, we'll let you tattoo us

11:26because he'd never tattooed a person before. Just the fake skin. And he's like, okay, let's do it. I was like, you won't do it. He's like, yeah, I'll do it right now. Where you guys? No, zero calls Easter, Easter lunch. Smoking? No. We just finished the fuck you do at least just you at least had a fucking turkey ham to hang. Yeah, I was a lot of trip to fan. Trip to fan. You want to think of the don't think in straight. So it was a just tell people you fell asleep and they tattooed you while you're sleeping. Classic prank. We've all got it now. Okay, let's have every one of us has this tattoo except one guy that lived in that house. And he's and it's not that he doesn't want it. We just haven't seen him. So then he brought the tattoo gun to our one buddy's bachelor party and then tattooed the rest of us. So we all just have two and two on earth eyes. I don't even remember the house numbers on my college house. Yeah, you know, or two zero houses getting names and like, yeah, we're going to go drink at the yellow house

12:29tonight or we're going to go drink at puzzles or whatever. ours was we're going to go drink at two on two. Got it. Makes it easier. Remember. Yeah. And I lived there for probably 10 years. I had my first kid in that house. Oh, yeah. So we need to be in the tub. When he took over the jungle juice was. Coleman got the same tub. Guys drink. We got to drink all the jungle juice. My wife's having a baby. He's going in the labor. She's poor. She's having contractions. Everyone's grab a fucking ladle and start drinking. Grab a sword in the tub. So the joke is going to be since I can't wait there. We cannot waste this. Start drinking. We cannot just put it down the drain. Well, you know what? Fuck it. You know what? We're going to instead of having a water berth. We're having a jungle juice berth. Just leave it in there actually. We're going to name him George. Tyler's first kid in the jungle juice. That is jungle juice berth. He's going to get the tattoo and he's 18. 212.

13:29Yeah. Yeah. He lived there. That's true. Yep. Very true. That would, okay. If that would happen, I'm mind on that. Yeah. I mean, it's fine. Tattoo's are supposed to be for you, Taller. Not for us. Yeah. You know, I had the honor to be the first person he's ever tattooed. That's pretty good. Like it's pretty good. And he just free handed it to him. Let me see it again. You can tell that he went over the first two a couple times. Other than that, it's fine. It's, it's nothing special. It's, it's quite literally just like your buddy wrote 212 on your leg with a pen. Were you nervous though that he was going to fuck it up? Yeah, very nervous. Very, very nervous. Could he tell you were nervous? Yeah. Could he, could you tell he was nervous? I could tell him. And was doubly nervous because he could tell you were nervous. So he, he was so nervous that he's like, I can't do you first. I'm going to do a smiley face on my own thigh before I do yours. So he did a smiley face on his own thigh first. He's like, if I'm going to fuck anyone up, I'm going to fuck myself up first.

14:31Got it. So, so and then he proceeded to my one buddy got two tattoos that day. He got one on his wrist and one on the 212 on his thigh. So is your guy, he's your guy tattoo artist now? He would, he's a pretty good artist like he's good at drawing. So like this was just a natural progression. He's like, if I'm doing anything with drawing, do this, so he bought a tattoo gun and then never did anything with it. We're just drawing the fake skin. So it was a total like, I'm calling his bluff. He's calling mine. Next thing you know, I'm going to compete or get my leg. But, but update now. Is he tattooing more people? Just buddies. Okay. He's just, just doing very simple things on buddies. Do you want to get it go back for more? Word of maybe. Maybe I just got to come up with something that's not complicated at all. That's all right. That brings us back to the cricket. We're trying to figure out how to make his, his wife's trying to figure out how to make tattoo stencils on her cricket. So that he can do, because he can trace lines no problem.

15:33It's the freehand stuff that he's nervous about. Yeah. Okay. All right. Yeah, that's it. It just wasn't brought it up. What was the, could you have picked something else? Probably, but it was a total like, what do we do in the moment? Okay, we all live together. Let's just talk. Get our house numbers. Okay. It wasn't fully thought out like, this would be sick to get this. It was, what do we do? You weren't drinking. Not at all. It is. That's crazy. Easter Sunday. Easter Sunday. It's crazy. I mean, why on earth didn't you do an ass cheek? I mean, that's like, if I got a buddy of tattoo, if I'm getting a tattoo, it's probably on my ass cheek. Yeah, I did think that this was going to be a lot, it felt when he was doing this, I like that it was higher than it really was. Like, I thought that this would never peek out from my shorts, but it does. I mean, this is the first time I've seen it. I didn't stave you guys seen it. I feel like I've seen it before. Like, I've seen it recently,

16:33within like the last month, but I just assumed you had it for a long time. I kind of have. I'm talking years. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Free inks, free inks, free inks, in the brotherhood. If you love it, then we love it. Yeah. I don't regret it. I don't regret it. I don't I don't know if I'll ever. If you love it, we're. We'll deal with it. I guess it's better than phrase. Yeah. I feel like if I had a tattoo gun and I, if I had that ink addiction, I'd just be sitting on my couch at home, just fucking ink. Well, that's what I'm at. So this weekend, I decided for whatever last weekend at the lake, I would decide to start trimming some trees. Oh, fun. I mean, I didn't for hours. I got the ladder and the polsa and I'm like, all the way at the top of my brother's hold the ladder. I'm sweating my ass off all that. And I feel like if I had a tattoo gun and it could actually do tattoos, that's how I would be with that.

17:33Yeah. I'm a ladder. You'd be like, all right. I want this tattoo on my thigh. And then you get done with that. And you're like, God, but I could add this thing over here. Yeah, I could do this. Like, oh, I could, I got my eyes will trim that branch. So I got it out. Yeah, I could do the infinity symbol on my wrist. I could do a feather on my foot. Yeah. With a walk a mile in my shoes saying and script. I don't know. The index mustache. You could do it. Yeah, it's mustache. Yeah. You could do the Jesus fish. Mm hmm. I got buddies attached to their wife's name so they don't have to wear a wedding ring on their smart. Gotta avoid decal. Alving. Yep. You ever heard of that? When the wedding ring gets caught and it rips the flesh and skin off your finger. It's called degloving. It's terrifying. We don't do anything that we're probably put us at risk of degloving. So we're good. I don't know. Be with premiere at something. I have seen you flying on those keys.

18:35Yeah, I mean, I guess if I'm in a scenario where there's danger of degloving, I'm probably just taking my ring off. There was one time where I was lifting weights and when I dropped the bar, it kind of got snagged and my heart dropped. So I don't know. I mean, I do it enough weight that it's going to deglove your finger. It is enough to make me scared. Don't they also call post vasectomy? They just, they're like, vasectomy is a call degloving? No, that's circumcision is what you're thinking. Oh, I got it. It's like, because there's no more glove. There's no more... Oh, I see what you're saying. I get it. Yeah, you shouldn't start calling it that. Yeah. I'm going in for my... You don't have to be gloves on anymore. God. Well, you've got a cockroaker could be a degloving situation. Oh, God. Yeah. Oh, God. If you lift it, wait till the cockroaring on. That gets caught on the bar game over. And you're doing deadlifts? Yeah. Or like upright rows or something. Yeah. Fuck. Fucking power cleans on the way up. Curls, if you're really rocking the curl bar, you better hope like, yeah, fuck you better.

19:36Fuck it. Maybe you get too close to the flat pull down machine. It's an old, flat pull down machine with the bar doesn't stick out very far from the weights. Very bad. If you're pulling the flat pull down machine all the way like down your knees and shit, like a reverse, like it's like a reverse, up my pull. A reverse clean. Yeah. Like you said, I get it up to here. You're going down the way on the way. If that catches on the way up, you're going on. I thought about the weights. I think you're getting too close to the weight. I'm talking about the carabiner or some the fucking bar hangs on. Yeah. I mean, if that if it is, if it is, you're going up with that. And I've seen it happen. It's me. Check it in the industry they call the printing press. That degloving. It's the printing press. And you just, you don't want to be caught in a printing press press situation. Because that's worse than degloving in my mind.

20:39Yeah, you don't want to be lifted way it's too early in the morning because you can still be rocked. That's the number one way that people say the printing press happens. Yeah. Have your coffee first. Enjoy your coffee and then head out to the gym. Yeah, wait a bit. Yeah. Down boy. Gotta get to work it. Well, at least just do, just don't start out with lap pulls out. Yeah, definitely not. Yeah, have that be the end of your work of versus the beginning. But anyway, very good to know. So yeah, if you ever want to disturb yourself, Google degloving. I don't want to. Yeah. I officiated a wedding this weekend. How'd it go? Well, good. Were you certified? Yeah. You did get certified. How long did it take? Plus or minus 60 seconds. Plus, but not much. Yeah, it's not much at all. He's reading too good. Took him longer. It just took me a county county. Are you? I did do the same mistake that your pastor did, though.

21:42I forgot to tell everyone they could sit down. Oh, I was supposed to work part. Yeah. Completely forgot. Too much of a gap between miles of wedding and this one. Is it a huge talk of the reception, though? I know because it's it actually I needed it. I was pretty nervous. Yeah, I mean, it talks about that really cut the tension. Because I was like, oh, you're not here for guys' first wedding. You know, you're supposed to sit down. Oh, wow. Yeah. I didn't say it. Oh, you didn't say it to your buddy. I said in the mic. I was like, oh, yeah, you guys could sit down. You guys should know this. It's not your first wedding. Oh, okay. At your buddy's wedding, who's the second wedding? That's what I would say. They were definitely saying that behind your back, dude. I got a big laugh and then I felt good. Because they all were like, oh, shit, this is the second wedding. This is not his first wedding. But you're even if you didn't say that. That's what they were all thinking. That truly wasn't my intention with the joke. But that is pretty funny. It did hit. It had hits though. Some people were definitely thinking it. But yeah, and I had another joke that I think hit. It was appropriate for a wedding ceremony.

22:43It was lame for a best man's speech, but it was like the my best friend close thing over again to a brother. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I like to have a moment of silence for everything. I'm losing today. That one got a lot of laughs, too. They didn't give me my moment. Did you do like a like before that? Did you talk about his resurrection? Because he died once before. So basically, he's your Jesus friend. He died and then came back from the death like Easter. It's like getting that tattoo because he does. He does. He did. Yeah, he was the one with me that got at the same day. You guys should have cut a hole in your slacks. Just sticking out. Yep. But he was like, and then I had your wife, embroidered. Yeah, could have been embroidered back on. He could have been the sewing ceremony. Yeah, Jared had the tree ceremony. Yep. Yeah, the unity ceremony. Yep. Yep. And then I said shit on accident. Tyler, I got, I mean, I, I choked up. I will have to say I think of anyone in the office

23:45to officiate a wedding. I would be most nervous for you because you might say, shit or something like that. I just, I like, I choked up at the end when I was like pronouncing them. And I was like, you make his your brother. Shit. Really? You started at the, at the most exciting part. You were crying. When I was like building up and I was like, God, God, by the power of us that in me, my state of North Dakota. I know, pronounce you husband and wife. Shit. You make his your bride. When was the last time you should have just let out? Yeah. Because it's probably been a while since you've cried. Yeah. Yeah, I, yeah, you're right. I just blew bald my tears. I just shoved him back in. Yeah, never released. Tyler, you got me sent me. You can just start blowing. That's true, dude. My tears no longer have semen in them. That's true. God. That's how it works.

24:47Yeah. Yeah. But people said they liked it. How fast did I tell you back? I think I would love to see Jared, not my wedding. I'd love to see you officiate in a wedding. Yeah. I would do terrible. I just, you would do fine. You would do fine. I just think knowing you like I do, it just would be like if someone didn't know you, they wouldn't think it was funny. But because we know you, we would think things are funny that aren't funny. We would know how much you hated doing it. Yeah. Yeah. If you guys would be like crack it up in the crowd before you would say a word. You're like, he's so fucking mad right now. I don't want to do it. You essentially officiate this podcast. That's true. But there's not 50 people in the room. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. That's true. There's 300 people at this wedding. Right. Or more. So did he have groomsman? So this is the second wedding. He's still invited 300 people. Mm-hmm. Who's he? Is that first wedding though? So you got to give her a day.

25:47You know, true. It's not about it. It wasn't about him. Yeah. It wasn't about him. No, it was. Yeah, it was great. So you're about him and his mistakes at the past. Jesus Christ. It's about him. It's about H.I.M. with a capital H. So you weren't the best man. I was best man and efficient. The better man. I mean, okay. Got it. We got a fucking Johnny United. Playing quarterback, safety, kicker, punter, kicker, player. Fucking Jackie Moon. We can't disguise you. Well, you were the best man at the first wedding too. Well, you also the ringbearer. No reggae. The washer. So there's technically DJ. There were two best men because there was the maiden matron of honor and then there was two best men. Me and his brother. Got it. Got it. That's funny. Yeah. Because I did get shit for a joint bachelor party. Remember that? You got shit for that or you gave me shit. Just like because the joint bachelor party is like

26:49an unconventional thing. I feel like you guys are going to be shit for the joint bachelor party. But like, I've never heard of an efficient and best man combo. That is, that is new to me. She's never had a friend. Actually, best best man two times two. Plus a fish. Second wedding though. Trying to save money. Yeah. That's true. But I didn't stumble though. Didn't mess up on anything other than the sitting telling people to sit down. I think that actually, people should start working that in to release the tension. Yeah. It really, I swear to God, it really did save me. Or Dane Minister School that you went to, they should start doing a chapter on that you should forget to have everyone sit. Yeah. Yep. Great laugh. Yeah. Yeah. I seriously. Really. It should be part of the plan. Yeah. A plan as much as you as state. Yeah, as much as people think it was and part of the plan it is. But that's what good efficient.

27:49If I ever, I actually, I'm going to do that a bunch. If I ever get a chance to be, if I get a chance, I'm going to take it. You should have the commencement speech. You should have it in the right. When I got a chance. Okay. Good. But if I ever get a chance to be ordained minister and marry someone, I will abuse the power of the sitting and standing. Well, Jake will ask you. Yeah. That's assuming that he's good. That she's going to say yes someday. That's true. Yeah. You know, it's like, all right. Everyone, you know, please rise for the bride and then just say sit down and be like, oh, I do that twirl. I want you to stand up again. And then just do that a bunch throughout the ceremony. Yeah. All right. Now if you are wearing glasses, sit down. Guess who? Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. And eventually, yeah. All roads lead back to the bride. If you are. Yeah. If you are wearing this, then all it's left standing is the bride and group. That's a If you've been wearing for more than 40 years.

28:51DJs in the back just are they're fixing this Jesus. Don't want to get all of this is serious talk. We're going to play a little game. So we're going to have them sit in the chair, space each other, take off one shoe. Now, DJs like, you're fucking stealing my shit. He's in the back trying to come up with new shit between now and the reception. It's a gem. They're like, all right. Energy is a little bit too low. Now slide to the left. That's slide to the right. Chris. Chris. Yeah. After every single one, he just look over the DJ. He's fucking wink at him. Yeah. Yeah, look at them. Look at that. Brian. Just ruin this guy's life for no reason. Took all the good bits. Those are my bits. No, and then just give a best man speech and made of honor speech. You know, during the ceremony. Like, hey, you guys are going to be hungry later. So I'm just going to do the speeches myself right now. So you can get right to use it. No, just disguise it. You just don't even say that.

29:52Just like get a cut bit. Like as I was like, hey, I don't want to step on your toes of what you're going to talk about in your speech. Can I get a peep at your speech? Photo copy it and then just say word for word. And then tell it from the back. And then he's scramble. Yeah. For those of you who don't know me, my name is Sarah and I'm the sister of the bride. What's it doing? And she's sitting with the fuck are you doing? Don't worry, I'm going to deliver a wave in it and you would have. I don't know what I'm doing. Yeah. Could be a good bit. Could be a great bit. Might have to try it if I ever get the chance. You got to take it. I think though at this point, if I haven't been asked, I don't think I'm ever going to appreciate a wedding. I can say. I think the chances actually get higher a little bit older you get. Agreed. I don't think so. Because like, who's going to ask me? Because it be like somebody like, right now you're still in groom's minage. It's my scenario was very unique, I think. I don't think a lot of people do that.

30:52But like when your nieces and nephews start getting very in uncle is a great officiant. That is my uncle officiated mine. Fuck. I got time. Yeah. Let's go. Yeah. You got time. Let's go. Plus they're probably going to charge cover charge to get into their wedding and they'll use the fact their uncles you betcha guy. Pack the house. Like you betcha guy one night only. You betcha. With ring you betcha alive with ring bearer Charlie Barrett. Been a microcladding. You would do it. He would. All right. Well congrats Todd. It sounds like you had a fucking full weekend. I did it. That's what we can. That was long ago. No, I just fully healed this last weekend. Yeah, it finally stopped. Holy healed. All that yellow stuff finally stopped coming out of it. Yeah, you finally came off. Yeah. You finally got to take the fucking cellophane wrap off.

31:53Yeah, when you have an at home tattoo, the care routine is a lot different. It is a piece of saran wrap on your leg and some tape. It's a petroleum jelly. Some KY and in the top. So Jared today we're going to do a little funsy, right? Today is Patreon day. So today we are going to take questions from the patrons, much like we do over on the Patreon podcast. And we're giving the patrons time to shine here on the main episode. Yep, it's kind of a sneak peek of what a Patreon style episode is like. Sneak peek, but also my fans have good questions in here. Well, because we all know that Patreon day always follow. It's the Tuesday after Labor Day. It's always the two every year. Every year. Actually, let's book it. Let's do that Patreon day first, Tuesday after Labor Day every every year. Yep. Can we take a quick break? It's not because, you know, we had a long weekend. We're fucking tired and whatnot. And so we just delegate the questions to the patrons.

32:53That's not it. I got to beat bad. He's got to put cream on his tattoo. Cream that up. Tyler's in the bathroom creaming right now. Yeah. It's tattoo. Go ahead, Jerry. Fucking hit us with one hit us with one. Yep. Oh, hey, with one. Ben Jurgen Hoff. How do you feel about Costco already having Christmas decorations out? It's the beginning of September. Let's fucking chill. Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty on board with that. Yeah. Fucking chilling. Not love to say though. If you do want to get a jump on Christmas, pretty ideal to be just getting that knocked out now. I feel like it's for like people like my mom. My mom is buying Christmas presents in May. No shit. And just storing them for nine months or what, a six, six, seven months. And it's yeah, I don't know. She's buying some all year. I look every time.

33:53Thanks. Yeah, get never find them. But I feel like it's the Uber prepared mom out there that's loving that everyone else. I feel like he's it. I mean, yeah, that's a good point. It could be for the snowbirds as well. Right. The older the older folk that head down south for the winter, maybe if they still want to be festive at home, we're not like their places abandoned. Prices, you don't get like better deals way before Christmas, do you? I can imagine not. You get really good deals after Christmas. Right, right. I didn't know. I didn't know if it was like on the opposite end of the spectrum. If you get a decent deal or not, I mean, I know. This is what happened, right? So, all right. So maybe when we started really getting into Christmas, they started putting decorations out so you can buy them in November, right? And then people just went nuts for it. They're like, God, I love all this Christmas stuff. So they're like, well, fuck. Maybe we'll sell more. That was what was in the board meeting. Wow. Well, fuck.

34:55Well, fuck. If we do, you know, if we put this out before Halloween, yeah, we might step on Halloween shoes but fuck them. And they're in their ghouls and goblins. We sell trees and garlands. Yeah. For creepy crawlers. I think they'll creepy crawl back in the hole. Exactly. Fuck. The corn's not even out of place. They're like, they fucking bought it. It's all over. Shit that too. What if we just did it October one? Let's let's just see. Like I feel like it's like they're not doing this in a malicious behavior. They're like, let's see if these fucking guys will start buying shit this early. And we can help for it. And we keep falling for it. God. I like that the Costco CEO just has a sailor about just swears all the time. Well, it's like, fuck, we need to get rid of buck 50 hot bags. Yeah, well, it's like, fuck, we gotta fuck her. Make some money somewhere. We're losing money on the fucking hot bags. The rotisserie chickens are lost leader. If we in the back of the store, get them in here by more, you know? What have we sold? What have we sold? Christmas rotisserie chickens in fucking September.

35:58Let's fuck. Well, let's do it. Let's do it. The concinitum flavored. Yes, fucking sinitum flavor rotisseries. Fucking fucking missile. Missleto flavored chicken. Yeah, is that a flavor? I think it's poison or is that a smell? Is it a pretty sure missile toes poisonous? We, well, fuck, maybe that's not the most idea, but it's so we got time. It's only September. Well, fuck, these idiots are biot. Costco exclusive. And so what I'm trying to say is, is poisonous, but severe illness or death is very rare if you only eat a little. Oh, fuck. Like we talk in just a trace of mountains. And this is so it'll fly off the shelves in September. Yeah, it's like giving a dog a little fucking treat. Hershey kiss or something. Yeah. Ain't gonna kill him. Might make him sick, but might have the Hershey squirts. Yeah. Fucking, yeah, whistleberries coming up. And so what I'm trying to say is, like, we might also be part of that problem. We are. Because there are people buying decorations of September. And that's where that's why they're out. Yeah. Mm-hmm. You know?

36:59Yeah. So if we just, if we would hold the line, you know, if we were like a ice at the bottom of your glass when you try to get some, we would just fucking hold until November and then go after them. Yeah. Then they might, they might not put them out that early. It's true. It's true. Yeah, and they can fucking keep that big old skeleton out that they saw a Costco, the Halloween one. Yeah, just thinking like Halloween direct decorations. That's great if they like collect spider webs and dust. Yeah. Now it's, yeah. Yeah. Tests. October is great. That section is that to get cleaned once. No, that's great for at home storage too. You just put that in the shittiest part of your storage. But don't waste, yeah, even at your house. Don't waste any totes on Halloween stuff. Let them just sit out on the straight point. Like honestly, just throw them behind a bush all year. It's a great point. Just leave them outside. Yeah. The creepier the grocer, they are the better. Yeah. Just leave them outside in your front lawn all year.

37:59And then on Christmas, just put a Santa hat. Yeah. Windigo. And but make sure you buy the Santa hat in September. Yep. Great band name. Santa hat in September. Santa in September. Mm-hmm. I like that. It's what it is coming down to though. Oh, man. A lot of semen. Would you rather for those that don't know, that's the name of the patron that submitted this question. Yeah, I didn't make up these. Jared isn't just unpromptuingly saying a lot of semen. Yeah, like like you're all up to, yeah, we're talking. The critics say it's in September. There's like a lot of semen. We'll do it on the road every single day. The patron, a lot of semen says, asks, sorry. And that's a first last name basis too. We're not on first name basis with patrons. A lot of first name. Semen. Last name. Yep. Yeah. The patron, a lot of semen, asks, would you rather be stranded on a remote island with someone who thinks they're a survival expert

39:00but knows absolutely fucking nothing or someone who panics over every single bug and noise. That's kind of the same. Yeah. Mom. So can I teach this person out to survive? Because I'll take the dummy. But they're going to panic over every single noise, whether you're teaching or not. Other than this is two different people. It is. Yeah. So you have the person of panic over every single nice, but does, but that does know survival things. And then you have someone who doesn't know survival things. It doesn't panic. No, but the one that doesn't know shit is if they think they know shit. So they're going to be like all fishy about it. That wouldn't mesh well with your person now. No. Like some guy that's like, no, no, no, you're doing it wrong, boss. This is how you do it. And then they'll fuck up your watch. That would piss me off so bad. I didn't know that they they were no off. I thought they were just dummy. I got to listen to the question. You did really really get Christmas. Yeah. Christmas shit out in September. Would you rather be stranded on a remote island with someone who thinks they're a survival expert

40:01but knows absolutely fucking nothing or someone who panics over every single bug and noise. So that's also really annoying. So neither one knows anything about survival. Basically, but one thinks they do. And the other ones are pussy. Yeah, that's a good way to put it. It's really the question of, I think I choose the panic over the noise and stuff because then it like because you're going to end up doing it all yourself anyways where at least that person is an actively sabotaging what you're trying to do. Yeah. And they could get some stuff done in between bug noises. If you just, yeah, yeah. But I'm like, I know a little bit about survival but I'm no expert either way. So we're fucked. We're guy with this. I think though, and maybe this is, you know, it's the same adage that guys think they can land a plane in an emergency situation. If the tower is telling them what to do.

41:05I just think if you're in a survival situation, you just kind of have to figure it out. Yeah. I'm not saying that I'm going to die immediately, but I'm for sure not Tom Hanks cast awaying it. I ain't making it as long as him. You don't think so? No. If the conditions are right. They're in a survival. Yeah. If that's a volleyball maybe. Well, hear me out on this one. I feel like the person who's freaking out over bugs and shit, if you're up in the air about like this berry that you can eat or this or that, they're your guinea pig. So like, oh, hey, I think this is going to be really good for us. You should try it first. This survival expert's going to be like, oh, God, no, you can't eat that. What's the survivor actually is going to accidentally poison you. Dude, that's actually a great point. Exactly. Right when you end up on this island, establish there the leader. Yes. Because the leaders are going to do all the dangerous shit first. Correct. Because leaders go first. And leaders eat last.

42:07And so you get to eat all the good shit first. Yes. They'll go first to test it out and then they'll eat last. Correct. That's great. They'll take a taste. Make sure it's like dad tax. Make sure it's not poisonous. And actually, you should just start calling this guy daddy. Yes. So that he knows he's got to make sure stuff isn't poisonous. Yeah. So you get to an island with another dude. You immediately start calling him daddy. Which might be so that he can yeah. And being able to survive. Yeah, I think that yeah. So I mean, it's you could go either way. The horse abuse. Yeah, I think I go panic mode. I think panic mode. Or you could just fucking throw a 12-6 elbow at him too. If I don't shut up. Yeah. What are they going to get arrested? Yeah, we're on an island. You know, we're fucking stranded right now. Fucking. I'm alone now. Cut him with one of the nobles. How long would he take?

43:08If Ryan and one of those people were stuck in the eye, how long would he take for him to just beat the shit out of the other person? I think I'd give him the least of full two days. Yeah. Yeah. And actually, if after two days, I'm like, this isn't going to stop. I'm like, I'm going to have to stop it. Because if they're going to be an actual detriment to my survival, for sure, we're going to fight. Yep, I'm going to be selfish. Yeah. By the end of like the first full day, you would like mock him a lot. Like what their joys as long as I'm like, I guess I'd the shit out of them. I'm fighting. Know it all way faster than I'm fighting the Wimp. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. I'll give him 12 hours. You're going to 12 six right now. I'm fucking 12 six. Is that cut it? I'll cut his ass open with his elbow. Ryan, do you think you and I could do it? Survive. I think so. Because you're a thinker and I'm a doer. So I do think we'd have a good dynamic. You have a good time too. We have a great time. Fuck if we just walk around. I mean like God can really go for right now.

44:09Fuck it. I got it. Fuck it. Look at so slight. It's so good right now. Just if we had just if we had any access to the booze. Oh man. Fucking booze. How did it come out of that? Well, I would just YouTube out of make make island hooch. Yeah, because it's service here for sure. Yeah, we got I got 8% batteries. We got 12. So we yeah. Island hooch. Yeah. Gemini that shit. Just Gemini how to make island hooch. Oh, he's a fucking coconut. 12% battery. You're using it to figure out if we're meant to go on the island. Well, fuck it. I don't know how long it's going to take him Friday. Yeah, to call for help. They're too worried about putting fucking Christmas decorations up at Costco in September. They're not going to look up for us. Well, it's not even about calling for help. Like our phones are going to ping off a tower if we can google something. Yeah, it's true. Yeah, let's see that you make it work. Why waste our precious battery on making the call and they're just going to get pinged anyways.

45:11Yeah, they're an island up. They're like to heat your feed you. Yeah, beautiful waters over there. Honestly, it's just kind of a nice vacation. It's the way I'm looking at it. Yeah, the counter-escue are just like, we're good. Hey, you know what? Come back in two weeks. The island hooch fermented. We're about to have a fucking huge rager. Come back. Actually, do you want in on the rager? We got enough hooch for everybody. Being able to make alcohol and I would actually be a very useful skill. Disinfectant. Disinfectant. Parties a lot of hardy stress. Should we buy calories? Calories. Good time. Sleepade. Sleepade. Patron Rocky Bell boner asks, who would be the worst while pregnant? I don't mean your wives. Uh, nice one. Because I was going to say Ryan's wife. Not me.

46:12Good thing I helped my tongue. Good to say. Miles. I would be the most dramatic for sure. Yeah, yeah. I would be, yeah, probably me. Yeah. Um, be dog. I love how there's nowhere. Yeah, it's probably pretty fucking. That's my been the fastest we've all ever. Nothing else on top. Yeah. Just listen to the pre- You don't want to knock me up. It's a nine months of hell. Fuck that. Yeah, Christmas decorations. It's a temper that would have pissed him. Hey, why do you make me cry? Yeah. You never know. I just, I just, Christmas isn't that far away. Like just like that, though, it's gone at the same time. Yeah, then he would have an egg now craving or something. Basically, we just exist between Christmas. This is like, why can't we use

47:12to have Christmas all year? Why is it just September through December? Sales event. Why can't I buy Easter stuff right now? People just keep forgetting about Easter. Jesus, literally, rolls with a fight in bed. Why would that sound like? It sounds like it's going to be fun. They were celebrating, like, it's saying Nicholas. Like, people forget it's the best holiday to get it tattooed. It's literally fucking like Masters weekend that we get to. Fucking. It's like, we're fucking celebrating. Fucking goals and gollins. Like creepy crawlers. Anyway, I think Ryan's second worst pregnant guy. Yeah, I'd probably agree. Not because I would be the most dramatic. You would just, I feel like you would just get angry a lot.

48:15Yeah, you would eat a lot too. Oh my god, I'd be fucking a sandwich. I forgot to order it. I'd have a standup desk on that. I put it on top of the pizza maker. You know those buckets right there? You've ever seen those sushi restaurants where the sushi just goes around on a track. We just get you one of those, but the track just ends up in your mouth. Right? It's like a train track, Ryan just pulls the lever to change it over to his mouth. It's just like pickles and peanut butter. Yeah, pickles, peanut butter. And some log. Fucking Ritz squirt cheese and pickles. Kick it enough. Yeah, but you don't put it on the pickle. Yeah. Bite squirt and a crunch. So yeah, I can agree with that. B dog. Would you rather throw the game winning touchdown on the Super Bowl or be on the defense and pick off the quarterback to secure the win? Do I get to run it back for a touchdown?

49:18Oh, you? Yeah. What is it? Throw it? You're the win. So basically, yeah, it could be. So I think that picking off a thing to win the game to me is a much more unexpected, higher burst of energy crowd pop. But if you engineer a drive to throw the game winning touchdown at the end, you'd like kind of become a legend from that. Yeah. No one's becoming a legend from picking someone off to win the Super Bowl in the same sense as being the fucking gangster who drove down through a touchdown to win the Super Bowl. Yeah, like Ben Rothlesberger. And then who, sorry, who is the Patriots cornerback and picked off Russell Wilson? Exactly. Welcome, Boatler. Not about their okay. Yeah. That is probably the most iconic pick. But huge crowd way, I mean, they're both big crowd pops. I don't know.

50:18I was a defensive guy. So I'm just going to say pick because that's what heck would be sweet. This is so unexpected, which I think is sweet. And I think it's even better if you're a fat guy who picks it off. Oh hell yeah. If I had it just to be like a three, fifty nose tackle that catches a tip ball to end the Super Bowl, that or they drops in a coverage and picks it off. Yeah, great. Fucking Limbaugh Joseph or something. Yeah, BJ Rajee. Warren Sapp. Warren Sapp. Warren Sapp. So yeah. Johnny B Sinon. Each of you are teaching 15 minutes of an hour long workout class. You have access to any machines and equipment. What's everyone's workout portion looking like? So I'm teaching a one hour fitness class. We all are. We all are for a one 15 minutes. All right, so this is kind of a equipment draft. Do we what kind of,

51:19do we want to be similar themes here? Well, yeah, I mean, we could we could do a collective P90X situation and just muscle confuse the fuck out of them. You know, we could like Jared could be doing yoga. I can be doing bicep curls. We can do a complete week in this one hour. We can do a push. We can do a pull. We can do a cardio. We can do a legs. It's full week. Let's start with what's our goal here? Are we trying to, are we trying to improve overall health? We trying to improve flexibility. We trying to improve how well someone performs in the bedroom. I think that's people that's probably yet. All right, well, let's say so the goal here is to improve sexual fitness. Yeah. Okay. You agree, Jared? You know that sexual performance. Well, yeah, it's I mean, part of performance is fitness. Okay. Yeah, we're looking for. Fit to perform.

52:19Correct. So fit comes before perform comes. Okay. Yeah. All right. Okay. All right. All right. So who's teaching first? Jared's teaching first. That's it. Yeah. Jared, I need you to get him. I need you to get him nice and loose. That's what I was going to say. I need you to get him nice and loose for me. But it's your choice. It's your class. You're 15 minute block. Okay. Let's start the water cooler. Get some liquids in us. We don't want to get a don't want to get a cramp in you. Okay. So we're going to water log them down to start. Yeah. That's your piece of equipment. It's part of it. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It's a high rating. Sorry. You go ahead. And then we'll do a resistance band training to get the muscles active and everything. Clam shells and shit. Yeah. Like these ones. Yeah. These ones right here. Yep. Yeah. So we'll do that. And so you won't water cooler in resistance bands. Yeah. You're warming up all the little muscles. The little muscles. Yeah. Some big, some small. Yeah.

53:21Okay. That's what I'm doing. Okay. Who's up next? Tyler. Okay. So since Jared's clearly going with the lower body warm up here, I think I'm going to focus on the power of the thrust. So I'm going to take the barbell and a bench. And we're going to do hip thrusts. So we're putting the bar on the hips. Yep. And we're going to do. We're going to put. You're going to find your 80% of your max. And then we're going to do the chains. So the thrust gets progressively harder as you go. Okay. So we're hanging chains on the bar. Shades on the bar. And changing the bar. Yep. Yeah. You could do it. You could also throw like a belt squat in there. Yeah. We can throw that over to you for the next one. Okay. I'll do a combination of the belt squat. And then I think I'm also going to do um sandbag carry. Just in case you have to hold your significant other up for a period of time. It's going to be like higher ox style.

54:22Yeah. You've heard of the hair ox. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. It's a big thing now. It's like new cross. My sister competes in higher ox style. Okay. I fucking hair ox. Did they do sandbag carries and shit like that? I believe so. They do. Yeah. I'm not a higher ox guy either. So yeah, that's what I'll do. That's just yeah, lung capacity. Yeah. Yeah. I think so we got warm up. Hit thrust. We got power. We got speed. Strengthened endurance. Strengthened endurance. I need I think we need to end it with speed. Okay. And uh, you know, one way to get faster is by doing parachute work. Like running with it. And so we're going to be doing walking hip thrust. We're going to do we're going to do 20 sets of 10 reps. So you're going to tie a, you know, the running parachute behind you. Yep. And you need to generate is enough speed to get the parachute to open up on every rep.

55:26Okay. So dig a step. You thrust. And if the if the parachute doesn't open up because you've not created enough force to get hair in there, yeah, the rep doesn't count her brooks. Oh, good. Yeah. R equals TD. And so we're just going to end the day just just hip thrusting for parachutes. I like it. Yeah. Until you get a rip in the parachute. You know, like it's a lot like when people take the tablecloth and that's my mental cue for the for the for the people working out is that's what you need to be doing. Pretend like you have a tablecloth between your butt cheeks and you need to rip it out and keep all the stuff on the table. You need to rip that tablecloth off the table with your butt cheeks. But keep everything on the table. That's the mental cue. Now let's get some parachutes on it. Let's start thrusting.

56:26And you go tablecloth tablecloth tablecloth tablecloth. Cheeks, cheeks tight cheeks. Let me see those temples. And then we'll have a class for single guys as well where they just go into a meat locker and punch slabs of beef like rocky. That's all they're doing. I did not know what you meant about this sexual fitness thing where we're going into a meat locker where the bunch of single guys. No, this is the thing. I did not know where you're going with that. The single guys just going there and they beat their slab of meat. Could be a backroom. Backroom type shit. Special membership. It's more of a basement vibe don't you think? Yeah. We can call the AC down there in the summer. Industrial warehouse. Yeah. Yeah. Meat locker. Well, we're millennials so we're going to do anything in industrial warehouse. That's true. And then we'll also have a burger joint slash shake shop next door. It also looks like an industrial. Yeah.

57:26Juice cleansing station. Do you think that if you made a workout class geared specifically towards sexual fitness that you would get people to sign up and come to that class? Okay. Not for sure. No. If it was in person. If we sold an online class, I bet we would sell it. I think we could fucking do this. Yeah. What a great way for males to meet females or like males to meet males. We call it like SNP fitness. Standard and poor. Sexual and performance. Sexual. Sexual and performance. We call it fitness. We do 500 reps. So it's just the SNP 500. I mean, why don't we just call it thrust at this point? With no you know you know you know you know it is. Yeah. THRS and the T is a lightning bolt. Mm-hmm. Yep. That what ass would be. Yeah, that's what we better. That's right. But we don't. Yeah, we do it. All I know is we needed lightning bolt. Yeah. When I think thrust, I think lightning.

58:26Every good business idea needs a great logo first. God. And then the period because we have to have a period at the end of it too. So it's like. THRS T period and the period should be an old face. And that can be a secondary logo. Oh my god. It's just an emoji of someone going. Yeah, let them know if they're good India. You know this is your future. That period up there. I like it. Yeah, and then we can just like. We can just like sell supplements that just increase your libido. Oh my god. The subs would be flying out the shelf. Oh my god, that's how we make money. Fucking thrust thrust. We get the generic Viagra and just start handing it out like candy. You're like wow thrust really has improved my sex life. But instead we're just crushing up Viagra and putting it in the smoothies we're giving them. Fucking go weed. Corn and go weed.

59:28I genuinely think we get that you could sell an online class like that. People are going to be too embarrassed to show up in person. But if there was an online course. Let's do it. You can post a selfie at the end of it too. To the to the to the workout board. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, meet meet other singles. Yeah, I mean, just meet even meet other people who are already married. You know, I don't know. It's online. So it's not with the same way. Dude, and then we help. Hey, and then we have the fall back too. That is like because like maybe like our training isn't really that great. But what we can do is, you know, if it's a four step process, the four step is you have to do some work at home. And then if someone's out getting the results they want, we just have to then grill them and we don't think they're doing the work that they should be at home. Yeah. Therefore you can't get your money back. We're not liable. Yeah. I like it. That's a good one. I mean, there's worse business plans than how people get laid more. Oh my god. You know, say we agree everyone deserves to be laid more.

1:00:31That's our slogan. That's our slogan. We could take a shot at like the tender and bumble-lapse too. Mm-hmm. Take just like an indirect just fucking just 12, 6 elbow. It's really stuck in 12, 6, 7. Somebody do that in the car this weekend. No, actually, I just first thing it became legal this year. The count, you have to count. Got you. And now it's legal. And so it's just been kind of with me lately. They announced it on December 6th. Yeah. Oh, no, that works. Yeah. Brett, I did graves for a living. Why do people grave do kids tickle? It's only five bucks. The bad of the bone. Megalodon. Megalodon's fucking sick. I believe it. Yeah, there's like eight of them though, I think. I watched a tick-tock the other day. Never been to Monster Jam, but the pursuit for the double backflip. There's only a couple of people that have done the side winding double backflip,

1:01:31but have never truly accomplished the pure double backflip. It's never been done on a monster truck. Just a side note. Maybe sick. They could figure that out. I did graves for a living. It's just like a fun fact. Fun fact. We're out of for the episode. Thank you. I did graves for a living. Why do people feel the need to make it a family reunion after it's over? People stand at the grave over an hour before they move. Maybe a better question for belly up. Wait, so like they're just hanging out at the grave too long, he thinks. I guess he's got to get to his job at salad. Okay, that's actually. That's an interesting question actually. I mean, we could get deep with this because they don't want to say goodbye to their love of one brother. Yes. Like, Brett, you're not probably hourly anyway. I'll do it. Hang on the AC. I mean, you think that because like, I guess.

1:02:32When they... Okay, so here's, I just recently buried two of my grandparents, you know, socks, but my was under the impression that like, they're just like, they're not planning to do this as soon as we all leave. I think they do. Right. But you think in their business, my, they'd just be like, okay, so they're all coming there at four. So I'll plan to do it at seven. Yeah. Do you like? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that like four. There's a guy waiting in the truck waiting for us to all leave. I didn't even realize that was the thing. I think so. Because they're the ones that like, you know, the machine that lowers the casket. I think the grave, correct me if I'm wrong, Brett. But I think the grave diggers in charge of like operating that machine. Probably. So they got to be there. Yeah, I mean, the easy answer is they won't leave because they're having a tough time. Yeah. You know, it's kind of like, like, it's kind of like Stefan digs that one time we stayed on the field and watched the ceremony.

1:03:40Whatever. Yeah, that's very similar. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I bet the grounds crew is, or the locker room cleanup crew was fucking pissed at Stefan digs. They clean the confetti around his feet. Yeah. Yeah. Come on, man. They can you just lift your foot. I got to get home. I got a lock up. I get a phone. I can't give it. He's confetti. I'm out of under your foot. Yeah. Also, that's actually very funny that I remember that because it's like when he did that, it was like big news and everyone's like, watch how fucking next year he's gone. He's gone. He's gone. Nothing. Yeah. Yeah. How many teams do you want to do a charge of next? I don't know. Accusation anyway. Yeah. Two. One domestic charge. Two, three different teams. Yeah. Yeah. I really, that really helped motivate him. Yeah. Many have his miracle though. Yeah. Never forget it. Go it is. Darren me to hump. If you could be 20.

1:04:41I haven't heard that one yet. That's a good one. No, that's new. Dick, what's the first name? Darren. Darren and then the last name, me to hump. Darren me to hump. Got it. You love thrust. We dare people to hump all the time. If you could be 21 again, live in a loan. What are the top two things you have to have in your broke boy apartment? Two. Can I just bundle like TV and gaming systems? Yeah, I think that's it. I'm playing lots of. Lots of. Fair bundle. Yeah. I'm putting lots of video games. Agreed. I'm end of pizza oven. Not bad. I'm taking those two. That's I can pretty much live off of those two things. I mean, the sinks built in. You got water. If you've had me with a couple water. Got a toilet. We had a pizzazz. Yeah, I'm assuming an apartment just comes with a fridge too. Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, we'll we'll so I just need a freezer which above the fridge. And pretty. Correct.

1:05:41Yep. With frozen pizzas, a pizza oven. Because dude, when you got a hankering for a pizza and then you realize you got to then pre-heat the oven. Oh my god. It's no bigger kick to the nuts than that feeling. And then even when the pre-heat like pre-heat an oven over 400. Oh, yeah. It's like 375 to 425. I was like, now I'm usually not waiting till I hit a beep. No, yeah. Oh, fucking hell. It's going. It's not going in there cold, but it's definitely not going in there at 350. But like with the air friars that it now exists in the world and the pizza ovens, dude. Like if I there's I had to cook pizza in the oven that one day at the lake with for you guys. I was this close. So just cutting it in half and throwing in the air friars. Hahaha. I just give me a pizza oven that fucking ding it makes when it's done. I know. It's the best. It's like the best oven. We could have the best oven.

1:06:42Best sounds. Pizza oven ding. Yeah. And the thing is is I never ever it's never ever dinging and then my pizza's done. It's I always put way too much time on and then just have to manually do it. But at the end I turn it all the way back and it dings when I do that. Yeah. Oh my god. Just to make sure it's fully off. Yep. No, I'm with you. God, what a great sound. Yeah. It's like, uh, I mean, if you if you just played that sound right now, my mouth started watering. Good go. Like the fucking dog the dog. A Pavlog dog. Pavlog dog. It is a bell. He was basically his mouth waters. Fuck. Yeah. Um, I think they want us to say a Keggerator. Oh, yeah. But I don't I think as a college kid, that would be a mistake. I'm never cleaning that line. I'm going to get. Oh, Keggerator's way too much responsibility. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's why college kids just buy a Keg and then return.

1:07:44Right. Yeah, they literally drink it in one night. They don't have to do anything else with it. Yeah. That's like a hundred some bucks. Yep. I'm going to go with a fucking squat rack and a smoothie and a blender. Dude, as a fucking protein. No, shit. As it. I should do it. Fuck up. 20. What you shut the fuck up, Ryan? You guys 21. Ryan me. Ryan. Shit. Shut the fuck up. 21 year old me was Ryan. Fucking tough mudder. Ryan. You guys should get about that. You didn't know even know me in that era. Ryan. Shut the fuck up. Fucking squat rack with a lot of weight and a smoothie machine with a smoothie machine. Bond is bondled with a bunch of creatine and way protein. I'm just going to combine your two's. I'm going video game system and a home gym. Okay. Cause that's what the fuck is. That's I don't want it. I'm going to go to the gym and pick up chicks like a normal college kid. You fucking fox. I don't like the public gym.

1:08:45I worked in one. It was like bringing home your work, bringing. Go grunt in public and pick up chicks. Got a lump alarm will ring on me. Yeah. And one. I can. Hey, live a little. I feel like smalls as mom right now in Sanlo. Go fucking go bring the lump alarm. Just do something other than sitting this thing and lift weights and jerk off with your creatine powder. Go do something. You're putting a cold stick otherwise. I think I just clearly not that cold. That stick is defrosted. Is shit dude. I mean, we might have like a punch pass at a local gym or something. We'll go. Okay. All right. Here we go. Like a like a yeah, like a 10 session punch pass. You you'd pick up chicks in the 10 punches within those 10 punches on the past. And then imagine a gym, a gym. Shit. Fucking gym rat. A female gym rat coming. You're like, I got a fucking coming back to the bad. I got a bang or squat rack back at the house. Back at the back at the crib. It's a crib.

1:09:47And you're like, I imagine that also you guys are fucking pumping iron third floor in a apartment building. Touch and go deadless. Your property manager comes over to like check and see the like the like dishwasher isn't working. They come in. They're just like in the living room. It's just fucking a gym. The floor just isn't weighted for that much or rated for that much weight. And it just goes through the second floor. It's always complained for the people. One of my coworkers at the fitness women company, he had a reverse hyper in his kitchen. First floor apartment reverse hyper in the kitchen. And a full squat rack living room. I shit you know what's a reverse hyper. It's where it's like you lay down on the pad and then you you hook your like feet into the strap and then you swing them underneath for like back decompression. It's actually going to be a huge part of thrust because all about those butt cheek muscles. Okay. The muscles that you use that contract when you are thrusting.

1:10:48Okay. He was the crossfit of all crossfitters though. Yeah. I know exactly who you're talking about. Yeah, you probably do. Yeah, I probably do. So anyway, might be a recliner and a punching bag. That's fucking goji. I was like the punching bag. Yeah. So many uses for that. You want to get a little workout in? Bam, bam, bam. Your team just fucking sucked it up on a Sunday. Bam, bam, bam. You and your buddies are shit face. So you know who could punch the hardest. Bam, bam, bam. Yeah. You just need something, something to hug. Cry with. Yeah. Body pillow. Body pillow. Yeah. Just seeing you're like a dog on a stuffed animal. Fucking take it off the chain, hanging from the ceiling and just start getting your thrust workout. It gets lowly in that apartment. It kind of lost me there for a sec. He's humping the boxing bag on the floor. Okay, that's what I thought.

1:11:49Yeah, I thought it was maybe Mr. Germany. Yeah, you just you just fucking hump it in. He's giving it to go to the tree. Yeah, yes, exactly. Yeah, that rocket. Pretty soon he's got like his celebrity crush. He's like prints on white as ever. Pinch your fuck. He's a prince of a picture. He's got the school of prison. Library. I get you get to go to computer lab. You get 23 pieces of the printin' off a 10 cents. I'm just printin' off a Pam Anderson photo. Like in a black driveway. From a paper color. Rainy. Cost me 15 cents. For my punching bag. I'm gonna hump it later. The boobs get cut off halfway from page one to two. One before the end. Scotch taped them together. You can see the URL on the top of the page. It's this page two one of two. And like the date and time on the on the flitter of the Gonna email it to yourself. No, and like you didn't get the scale right on the printer. So the photo's like in the top left corner of the page.

1:12:50You don't have a scissors. So you just have to just deal with it. You forgot to fit to scale. So distorted. You do fit to scale and it just gets super blurry. And it's like a fucking nipples look like a UFO. It's like a fucking monahebrist or something. It's a better idea on paper. That was a donkey laugh. Yeah, that's what I would do. Barb Dwyer. He's back. Finally, my chance to do a non-Prison pals question. Prison pals is only for paying members of the Patreon. So if you want to learn about prison, you got to subscribe. Miles, no need to thank me for the plug. That was great. I was going to do that. You're the man.

1:13:51And yeah, yeah, that was great. And also huge shout to Barb. He just does this out of the good to his heart. Yeah, he really does. I learned a lot about the inside of those prison walls from Barb. Yeah, if those wall could talk. Barb tells us. Barb tells us. We did ask that the walls in prison can't talk. Yeah, no, but if they continue going north of ours. No, fellas, I know you guys know a lot about trucks. So I thought this would be the perfect question for you. This summer, my truck engine blew up. The shop wants 10,000 K to replace it with a new one. Now, do I pay the 10,000 or start shopping for a new truck? A current truck is a 2008 F256.4 power stroke with 165,000 miles on it. The interior is a nine out of 10. The exterior is a seven out of 10. I'm judgeable by its cover. I mean, he's getting a new engine. 10 K for a new engine. Yep. I mean, you basically then have a new truck from what I understand.

1:14:54So it's basically like you are buying a new, if you're going to replace the engine. I mean, it's got to be paid off, right? You would think. No, and Barb, I probably, yeah, he's got shit together. Yeah, he's got a shit together. He's working like eight prisons at once. Yeah, like 20 jobs. I mean, yeah. Isn't that just you're just basically getting a new truck at that point? Maybe minus the exterior sounds like the interior is damn new. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you was like new. Yeah, I guess that depends on how russet out this thing is. Right, but could he, if you want a similar truck, the question just becomes, can you find something that's around that price anywhere to be bought? You know what I mean? Yeah, I feel like a truck with similar miles, similar year is going to cost him 10 to 15 grand anyway. Okay. So he could get a completely new rig,

1:15:55but he doesn't know what's happened to it. He doesn't know it. Yeah. I personally would probably just pay for the new engine. Because you're not going to get a trade-in for it with a blown engine. Yeah, I think that's going to be ass. I think that there's also something like what if he was able to find a truck with, you know, find a decent truck for like 10 grand on Facebook Marbleys. You get a pretty decent truck for 10 grand. I just don't think you can get 250 for 10 grand. That is true. So you'd have to, you'd have to downsize on your, on your pickup. Does Barb need a 250,000? That was a question. Yeah, Barb's not funny. Yeah, Barb can want what he wants. I get a need and get whatever the fucking wants. For sure, but it's just, it's just something that Barb maybe Barb's got to think about. Does he need a 250? I mean, it's a gas guzzler. Fucking gas is fucking 450 now. Yeah, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe this is an opportunity. I traded in for something.

1:16:56Prius is something. 70 miles. I traded for a fucking Toyota Corolla or some shit. I could be wrong. There's a shitload of F250s on Marketplace for under five grand. Yeah, but then how many miles? Show me the car first. See, this one's got two 35. That's a lot. 156, 2003 F250 for $3200 bucks. I also have Barb that like. Yeah, I think the only issue Barb's going to have with that is that he hasn't been in charge of the interior for the lifespan of this vehicle. He seems like an interior guy. This thing looks pretty clean. I'm going to send this to you, Barb. It's in park rapids, Minnesota. So, he's carrying on up, buddy. He's carrying a fucking truck. A road cab. Tyler Broker. Take the fucking Amtrak up here. Yeah. Head over to PR maybe swing by old Paul Bunyan statue in Naiklin, Minnesota. Mijie. Well, no, the brainer. There's there's several brainer. But the one that's closer is probably the one I'm talking about.

1:17:56Brainers more of a John from park rapids than the parents of the brainer has on me. Or Bermiji. Bermiji. Yeah. Godless hit up one of the fucking PB statue statue. God, when you're here. Yeah. Take the Amtrak up, see the sights. Got it. I mean, I can't think of a worse train ride than from Kansas to Fargo. Yeah. Could you imagine how boring that would be? It's just fucking flat the whole way. The Amtrak and Fargo comes at like three in the morning. Holy. No joke. Get to see all the sights. At night. At night. You see the creepy crawlers downtown exactly where you want to get off a train and is downtown Fargo like three o'clock in the morning. You came to the bar either because they're fucking close. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think that this is just, uh, yeah, Barbara, I think you got to, uh, you know, do a pro. I think it's, you know, I'm not a guy who like is constantly doing pros and cons.

1:18:58It's not usually my amm. But I feel like this could be a good pros and cons. Yeah. Yeah. What do you got? You know, what do you got stacked up in the bank? You know, and you're already proficient in cons. So, boom. And you're a pro HVAC. You're a pro HVAC. It deals with cons all day. I think the answer is a pro. Consist. So, um, make some pros, you know, if you, because imagine there's also a sentimental value to this truck, you know, a lot, a lot of road ahead in that truck. Yep. You know, it's a fabric seat seat on a lot of stage. Well, if it's leather, you know, it's probably good. Probably good. Wipes off easier. Yeah. You know, because that's, yeah, if you're, yeah, God, if you have leather seats, that's a huge pro. Yeah, let's get it. It's up easy. AC seats though. AC seats got the little holes in them. That's true. Yeah. You don't want to be, you want to be gunking up the AC holes.

1:20:00I don't have a blow engine and blow AC seats. You know, I think I, like I missed that one. For God's, there's blowing going on in that truck. Whether it's the AC or the engine. So yeah, pros and cons, list, it should reveal itself. Yeah. Also tough, tough scene for Ford fixed repair daily. Yeah, classic. Yeah, fun on road dead. Yeah. I mean, we also know what barb was doing with it. Right. Kiss on it. I mean, barb might have been trying to do like a prison, Mr. Beast YouTube channel and fucking launch it off a cliff. Well, we know. That's probably what happened. We probably tried to launch it over the prison wall to see if he could get his buddy out. Well, he didn't say exterior and not so good.

1:21:01Yeah. So we had a test. So we had a test. Missing front bumper. Yeah. How did I road dead? Yeah, couple, couple scratches and dents and shit. So we don't know. We can't judge a Ford by a patron question. Yeah. We can't judge a Ford by a marketplace listing. Yeah. So, man, that's all I got. That's it. Yep. What was my fun fact? I create. Gravedigger. I never, never done a true double back flip on a monster truck. I forgot. I actually do have one that was sent in by a listener. Hit us with it, Tyler. Crocodiles cannot digest hair. So when they eat animals like deer or cats or whatever, they will cough up a hairball. Wouldn't that be. Wouldn't that be true for almost any animal? Do we digest hair? Yeah. We do.

1:22:02Yeah, our stomach acid would be powerful enough. You think? Oh yeah, like a dog's. I feel like if I just swallowed some hair, I thought I could come out the other end. Yeah. But like if you were to eat like a piece of meat that's still a hair on it, you would digest that entire thing. You would digest just a hairball if you ate it. It'd be fucking gross. Yeah. Can't alligator's brush her on teeth because of the Medulla I'm a god of two or something like that. They're angry because they got all of them teeth and they'll toothbrush the brush in a way. Thank you for that. My mama says. I was closed out. He got it. All right, does that it, dude? Well, guys, thanks for tuning in to another episode of the Betcher Radio Podcast. Hopefully see you over on Patreon this week. Have a great week. We'll see you in the next one. Right in. We're done. Oh, yeah, Betcher. Yeah. Yeah. Not Luigi's brother Mario.

1:23:03Since high school football is underway, if Miles got asked to be the honorary captain, slash coach for the homecoming game, would he and what would the pregame locker of speech and tail? God. Brinson repeat, Ryan's mound visit from the main episode. Mm. The pregame speech. Depends on like what order am I in? Because if, if I, it's a big difference, pregame speech, if you're the last one before everyone runs out onto the field or if you're like number three in line and the head coach is last. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? I'm not going to give a, because the speech I'm going to give right before everyone runs out is going to make people want to rip heads off. But the speech that I'm going to give, if it's like before they put all their clothes on, their gear, you know, or is it like I go and then the head coach goes?

1:24:05So that's a huge difference. Because like switch off, that'd be sick. Yeah. You do once that's you don't know. Yeah, I'm a tandem, tandem speech. I think you're you're last. Like I do it. If I'm last, yeah, it doesn't matter what you say. It doesn't matter what you say. It's all about your body tone and voice inflection and how insane you look at the very, very end of the speech. If you look like you're about to rip someone's head off, everyone else going to want to rip someone's head off. You could say you can be reading the Bible, but if you say it in the right way, they're going to want to go fucking run through a brick wall. John 316. So I probably just love you. I probably rip. I know for the Bible. Don't be so. We're going to take the fucking ball. We're going to ram it down their fucking ass for four fucking quarters.

1:25:07And we're going to light that scoreboard up like a mother, fucking Christmas tree. What's fucking go? The slow rise. Yes. The crazier you look at the end and the faster you leave, if you hang around, yeah, you need to say it. And you're like, and you're just like, let's let's go. And you rush out of the room. No team no team breakdown. Yeah, or maybe I want you to. I'm gonna throw. Let's go. Backward. I think we're getting to the point. Now with that kid, if you went back today, you could just start to speak with great moments or born, great opportunity. And now we have here tonight, boy, just do the Friday night light speech. That's the miracle. What are the miracles speech? I mean, they might beat us nine times out of 10, but not tonight. That is true. Yeah, it's a mycric speech. It is. I got goosebumps thinking about it. So I probably do that. Now, would I go and be the honor captain?

1:26:09I mean, like you go on the honor. You got the honorary coin flipper, right? Yeah. I mean, well, the grown adults aren't walking out as a captain. Yeah, they give honorary captain to the kid that like broke his leg. Yeah. Or cancer. Yeah, like I make a wish situation. I'd be the honorary maybe I'd be the honorary like guy, it brings the ball up. Usually kid does that. I'll do the little kid. honorary ball boy. You get the kicking kicking tee. An honorary kicking tee grabber. No, I'll be the honorary coin flip is what I would do, right? Yeah, can I ask a quick question? When you guys are playing football, did anyone ever forget to grab the tee? Oh, it's always just like, okay, did anyone ever trip on it? I don't think so. No, okay. Yeah, I don't know. If it would have it would have made ESPN not top 10. Come on, man. It would have made come on, man. Yeah. Be electric clip though. And I else way.

1:27:10I would have heard if you fell on it. Yeah, especially if you fell like, what would I do it? I don't know. Maybe just a lot of those requests completely depend on my mood at the moment that I get asked. And if you see the email for it, if I see the email for it, I see I miss a lot of emails. You miss 100% of the emails you know, like, yeah. You just miss 100% of the emails you don't read. Typically the email would come into me and then I would have to wait for the right moment. Yeah, yeah, to bring it up. That's the biggest hurdle. Well, it's just so I don't forget about the email. Because then we're double fucked. Then I'll have to call them at 5 p.m. on a Friday and be like, dude, you're, you're do with the field. Are you at the game? And do you have any plans on going to the game? I hope you do because you need to be there.

1:28:10They advertise you at every, they run out of the tunnel at 615. You need to get your ass over there. Text you a YouTube link to the miracle and I speech. Just memorize it. Look at it. Memorize it. I think I would need you to send me a speech. You're fucking dreaming. Yeah. Do you think miracle and I seem to be there playing some team that's like one in six? Yeah, they beat us 99 times. The team is not that old. Not that's not. Um, I would, I, there is a world where I would do it. Not a hundred percent of the time I'm saying yes though. Hmm. Just because, you know, I don't know. Would it, this is a genuine question. Would it be easier or would you more likely to say yes if your kid was on the team or would it be a heart and easier? No. I think as soon as my kid becomes of age to go to a school, I'm much more willing to get back into something like that.

1:29:13But like if my kids in elementary school, at I would consider doing, you know what I mean? Yeah, but because he's going to want to go to the football game and I might already be going anyways, get out. I mean, well, like what if he's a player? Like he's in the locker room hearing the speech, are you more likely or less likely? Because I think I'm less likely. If my kids in high school on the team, I'm less likely. I'm trying to steal his sander and make it about me. Yep, I'm with you. It's 100%. Well, no, but you were just, you were asked to do it. I would turn it down. I think I would maybe turn it down. I maybe do if he was a freshman like duster that doesn't play. Yeah, you just don't want to be the dad. It's so embarrassing for your kid. Right. Like unless you are the head coach of the football team, it's way different. Yeah. Or unless you're like a former like NFL guy or something. Correct. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, I'm with you. I'm with you. But I mean, I guess I was two time state champion,

1:30:13power ed player of the year. I thought you were an foundation layer for Jack Strand, undrafted free agent made the 53 man roster for the Atlanta Falcons. Train for the Olympics. I thought you were the juice barrel player of the year. Bug juice player. The best friends with the nine, nine year vet, the NFL took a pick one time. So I mean, I guess it's probably the same. I got George Kittle. Yeah, with George Kittle. Took a picture with Breese Hall's back. Yeah, Breese Hall. It wasn't his back. He was his face. He was wearing a helmet though. It could have been anyone. Yeah, the fighter. I've been looking over to the side. It could have been anyone in his uniform. Pretty sure that's Breese. He's wearing his number. Super bad. So yeah, kind of a strange question. It kind of makes it sound like it's someone that would maybe be interested in asking me to do that. And they were vetting it out. Oh. Why else would that question get brought up?

1:31:16I think you dropped too many MF bombs for him to consider at this point. So you're probably good. I mean, I would just promise that I wouldn't do F-bombs. And I would. I would actually, what I would do is I'd try to time the correct F-bomb so that for biggest impact. Yeah. And it was so electric that all of the people who would be like, you shouldn't have done that kind of just look the other way. Yeah. That's what I've been going for. Yeah. If it's an F-bomb for like inflection and tone versus an F-bomb for filler. I mean, you're fucking. Yeah. Fucking. We're going to get out there. We're going to fucking. Yeah, it can't be that can be filler F-bomb. But we're going to light that scoreboard up like a mother fucking Christmas tree. Yes. To end it. Yes. Well, leave mother out of it though, because then that could, you know, it's like one of the kids mom standing right there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or then the trainer or something. It's my speech. So just stay out of it. How about it?

1:32:17Let's go out there. You ever fuckers. Let's go. You mother efforts. No, just do the whole speech around saying mother fuckers. I mean, like football's all about having a big group of guys that are all mother fuckers. Who else is a mother fucker in this room? I'm a mother fucker. You mother fuckers. How about you, Janssen? Are you a mother fucker? Thompson? You a mother fucker? I'm a mother fucker. You a mother fucker? I'm a mother fucker. We're all mother fuckers tonight, baby. Mother fuckers on three. One two three. Mother fuckers. Cop. Cop. BAM. BAM. BAM. BAM. Cop. Fucking. Cop. Cop. So like, which one of you kids have been taken advantage of by the mother? Post-posed game interview. Oh, yeah. It was over from the pregame speech, because we're just a bunch of mother fuckers on this. you