Comedian Red Foxx

0:00Hey, this is strong, baby. How y'all doing out there today? I hope everybody is doing well. That's right down we're going to listen to just a little bit of red fox okay, so we can laugh just a little bit. I had a white girl once blended right into the sheet. I'm missin' bit a hole in the mattress. Don't look at me, show me a husband who won't, and I'll show you a neighbor who will. Let me get in the cigarette, Fred. I smoke and drink. A lot of you don't drink no smoke. Some people here tonight don't eat butter, no salt, no sugar, no lard, no biscuits, no gravy with onions in it.

1:02Because they want to live, they give up that good stuff. Neck bone, pigtail. You're going to feel like a damn fool ain't at the hospital dying for nothing. I've been smoking 40 years. If I don't have cancer now, I probably have something that would eat it up. Cancer bed not fuckin' my body. I mean, there's a lot of things worst in cancer. A six foot six black nazis in the alley with a hatchet man, and it's worse than cancer. No, brother, you know I went to one of the gang's. You know, you got a dumb and ugly.

2:12Why don't you play horse with him? He'll be the head and you'll be what you were. I don't know why y'all keep jumping in the show. Act like you ain't never been out of a room before. You got to be living in the room cause you don't act like home owners. Why make me suffer with your cheap room and eggs? I hate a loud bro screaming all across the theater. Embarrassing old man, I wish my old lady embarrassed me somewhere like that. I better lip get to the hospital before the ambulance. They'd be soaring up a lip when the ass arrived. Don't look at me lady, as I said, the life ass ass is what I said. And I said shit to you.

3:13Later on in the show, I'm gonna say fuck. To me, fuck is not dirty unless you didn't wash up. Then you're fucking dirty. That's what I said, lady, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. What you think you and your husband been doing all these years? Hey, let me tell you one of my favorite stories. I think it's my favorite. I teach you what's standing in a classroom. I said kids, today I like you to give me a sentence using the word definitely. So a little girl said I said teach this guy is definitely blue. She said no Marianne. When the storm clouds fill this guy, it's not definitely blue. She said I'm not a little girl. She said teacher, the grass is definitely green. She said no Barbara. When the sun shines down, hot on the grass, it browns it so it's not definitely green. She said I'm a little boy, sit up and sit up and teach.

4:13Ask your question first. She said of course Billy, what is it? He said when I teach, you know, teach. When you break wind does that lump in it? She said no Billy. He said I have definitely shit. What's her? Let's hear a song. Talk to him, he didn't want to hear no song. Out in there. There should have been left on a picnic and a clean mix.

5:14Or down your dad is through. It's your mammas. That don't hurt no nigga no more. It should, niggas should hurt nobody. Niggas in the dictionary makes sense. Niggas are lazy and shifless. Don't get mad about that. It's mean we got some white niggas too. You don't believe it's some white niggas? Why's he home? Yeah, I saw him on the show on Obsidian Rain and Baby Brother. You know, I don't know. Why'd you call a dog in and see if he's wet? That's the lazy shifless nigga. A lot of whites think black people talk about it. They feel stuff realized. Southern whites told African's English. African didn't know nothing about this here. And young and born and get it into a rough.

6:15It's not African. Otherwise the old boy got damn it until you get that down. Oh, no. I do you get that down, young man. Now, chuck it over here boy. Tunk it. African say. African say. Um, um, um. It's mean you drunk that shit yourself. This mouth like a head. Fuck you. Listen to that. Any Polish people here? Hey, niggas pay more and get a good seat. Hey, let me stop fooling around and taking a few stories. Okay, honey, thank you very much. At your husband. Anywhere. There'll be somebody in the world, won't you?

7:17I do, I do. I feel bad. You don't smell too much. Uh, were you a fighter? No. Just had that face from the beginning, huh? Niggas looked like he had been knocked out then. I have your brother. Good night, pretty wife. We've been friends long time. You know that. You didn't get anything, Niggas. She told me about you. Love you, dude. Good contrast. Some of this and some of that. It's pretty sure, dude. Good you dressing for traffic. That's right. I hate to see a black woman in basic black and pearls trying to keep up with white people. Basic black and pearl. You get your black ass. Run over out there and then basic black and pearl. Truck driving it away free. To a judge, I thought the pearls were floating in air. Put some colors on. Be proud. Dress up. Put that red.

8:17That's good shirt. Nice dress, honey. Nice. Uh-huh. Don't you the girl want the dial as you? Good color. Talking about high-end parts. Yeah, lady went in the market and it was some chickens up on the counter. She picked them when they were chicken and smell their neck and smell them around. She called the butcher. She said, come here, man. These chickens think. But she just looked at his hair. I doubt if you could pass the test like that. She said, well, just give me a long island duck. So the butcher gave her duck. She sniffed the duck. She said, man, it's a Michigan duck. He gave another duck. She sniffed duck. She said, man, it's a Wisconsin duck. He gave another duck. She said, now this is a long island duck butcher. She said, you must be new here, aren't you? He pulled on his pants and said, you tell me. Don't let people fool you.

9:19I haven't joined any group yet because it's hard to give up pork. I can't cold turkey pork. It's right away. Guy asked me, how can you eat pork? It's a knife and pork hot sauce. Rained black eyed peas, cans of pig and peas and peas cobbler. And a dyed right cola. He said, you resemble what you eat. I said, no wonder you look like a pussy to me. You lay down here and look at the husband. Ain't that wrong with it? Most of you will be somewhere tonight in dodging insects. Think of me in smile. Don't laugh at it, just smile. You tell me what I'm talking about. Let me say this to you and then I'm leaving because I heard a dog. This is what I came here for to tell you.

10:19If you hear today with someone you love, this is the right moment to listen carefully. You would be together to rest of your lives. Never had no trouble no more. If someone had told you what I'm about to tell you earlier in your life, be considerate of your mate. Care, worry about their feelings. The most important thing you must do in a romance, love affair, social content, physical. And you love someone you got to wash your ass. Oh, look at me lady, I'm done it through. You got to wash your ass. You can let your arm this go. Two days, but not jazz. How can you tell someone I love you darling? Loin' in your heart, you have washed ass.

11:24Now, dear friends and fellow Americans, I'm not talking about your whole ass. I'm talking about your ass hole. You'd be surprised the pollution that can be found in an area the size of a dime, or a 50 cent piece, or a silver dollar. You know your ass better than I do. But you got to wash your ass. How can you turn around with your loved one and 64? What darling? What'd you say? Oh, you're right, I'm sorry. She's right, 69. I'm sorry. Thank you so much. 69. I can never thank you enough, thanks. How can you 69 with the ladies, right? How can you 69 with your loved one and have washed ass? Telling anybody in your way?

12:24And you lay there thinking no one knows. Shit the nose, nose. Dearly beloved, when you go home the night for the first time in your life for some of you, wash up. Come to bed, damn for a change. Only you will give ins will eat in dry bush country. And fellow is jumping at water and washed him wild, hickering us. But don't get under the cover all funky and dry. You're pulling him covers up over here. You turn him kiss good night and he covers raise up and settle back down. You blow that breeze up your nose.

13:32What happened, honey, did your monkey die? Mr. Red Fox.