Choices And Consequences (2366)

0:00The problem with bad habits is the same exact problem as the problem with good habits, nothing happens immediately. But every single one of our choices has consequences, either good or bad and unfortunately it just takes a long-ass time to see what those consequences are. I've said to my clients, fall in love with cause and effect. The effects you want are a byproduct of the causes you do daily. We're gonna talk about that. Welcome to next-level university. I'm your host Kevin Paul-Marie and I'm your co-host Alan Lazarus. At NLU we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers. Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth. We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

1:01Self-improvement in your pocket every day from anywhere completely free. Welcome to next-level university. Next-level nation today for episode number 2,300 and 66 choices and consequences. I happened upon a picture of somebody that I used to go to high school with. Happened upon, happened upon. Alan sent it to me. And so I want to make it abundantly clear. This is not like a judgment thing. It's we're always re-analyzing our past. That in like indetective mode. Like what's going on? What what led to that? All that stuff. I sent him a photo of someone that we both went to high school with and middle school. And I said, isn't it wild to see how much time changes things? That was it. And it wasn't to bash anybody. It wasn't to hurt anybody. It was just to assess privately with Kev how different people's lives can turn out, depending on their choices. And for me, so my my thought was it's not it's not it's not

2:10what they did yesterday. It's not what they did last week. It's not what they did last month. It's what they've done over the lab we graduate in 2007. 19 years ago, are you shitting me? Are 20 year reunions going to be next year? Yeah, I have to get I have to find a way to be more successful for that. I currently am if I'm going to attend this. I'm not successful enough. Are we going to go? I've been thinking about that. No, you and I should go. I don't live zero interest unless I can get hammered. You can do whatever you want. No, no, no, no, I don't want to go. We'll see. Just yet that's what we should be doing on a Saturday night. Go to fucking our 20 year class reunion. What do we doing here? Yeah, I've been thinking about it. It's like, would I regret not going? You know, maybe I don't know. We'll chat going either way they'll be some regret. I'm sure. So you know the reason you're with me. Yeah, I didn't go to 15 when I went to the tenure to get like 15. I didn't go to 15. There

3:16is no 15, man. Of course there was. There was one I didn't go to. Really? Yeah. No, you didn't go to five. I went to five because we got kicked out because they don't serve shots at that established because of me and some of our friends. Matt I was working. I was working. I was working. I was grinding in 2012, baby. What do we do? That's my point. There was a five and a ten and you went to the ten and went to the ten. Matt and I went to the five. Kevin's friend, Matt, my our friend Matt, Matt, the Matt. That's what we'll call him the Matt. The Matt. Yeah, they no longer allowed to serve shots at that establishment. Apparently, I don't know if that was a rumor or if it's true, but it was a night. It wasn't put it past the the squad of 2007. All right. The reason we're even talking about this, Alan sent me the picture made me think I was thinking all night. I was cooking last night. I was just thinking I had music playing. I was thinking. And the other thing that jumped off the page for me is bad habits are invisible until

4:21they're not and good habits are invisible until they're not. But bad habits are way fucking easier to do. So it doesn't really surprise me when ten years after I see someone, I see somebody again and everything is different because you just kind of took the easy road or the unconscious road. And you spend time with people who do the same thing. That's a big one. The the people you sent, if we think about their friend group, a lot of them do the same shit they did in high school. And that is a key, right? That's that's a thing. I don't know, man, it's heavy. That that type of stuff is heavy. And I said this to Alan a long time ago, I said, dude, wait until we get like when we are like 40, it is going to be abundantly clear. And it's going to make you probably more than me because I'm expecting it really sad. When we when we're 40, that's

5:24like 25 years out of high school. That's an entire different life. You don't have the young testosterone and the young hormones anymore. Like your habits matter way more as you get older than they I think they did when you're younger and get away. Well, no, they matter a lot when you're younger, but you can't you see them. It's like the investment account that you start young. So one thing I wanted to share that I think is a valued everybody that you and I can talk about. There was someone we grew up with who was very bullied. He had a rat tail. Yes. Okay. That's always that's always I had a rat tail too when I was young. So first of all, I was the first. But then one time my mom said, if you swear again, I'm going to cut your rat tail off. And I said, do it bitch. And then she cut my rat tail off. Oh, my God. And then she put actual liquid dish soap into my mouth. And it was terrible. Fair enough. I deserved it. It was that is one way to look

6:25at it. Yeah. That is one way to look at it. Kevin and I had an interesting upbringing in case you haven't noticed that. But anyways, so we're going to go right over that abuse some kid. All right. So he had a rat tail and he was bullied. Okay. He was a close friend on and he got me working out. Now, here's my point. Because he wasn't popular and nobody liked him and he was bullied, he tried to find other ways to to be valuable. And I think that so and I'll share this. So when I was in middle school, I was like the Nick Carter Backstreet Boy Bull Cut Guy. And I remember I literally would get 20s on Valentine's Day from girls like no joke, like a $20 bill in a in a card. I mean, this was the 90s. It was weird. It was a weird time. And my locker would be full. The eighth grade girls weren't allowed to come down to the fifth and sixth grade wing in our middle school because literally because of me, my teacher wrote me a letter saying you red face social butterfly or whatever,

7:29something like that. And it was a whole fucking thing. It doesn't matter. But everyone else became a man. And I didn't. Okay. In high school. And I remember having the acceptance moment to the last episode of I am fucked. These girls that used to love me. And I you know, they used to literally remember have dances. Of course, of course, the habitat is a place where you get to play sports and big dance. It's awesome. And there'd be a list of girls that wanted to slow dance. And I remember in the middle of tackling them with the ball, which by the way, was ridiculously rough. I doubt they let kids do that anymore. We were bad to each other. And you're playing with the eighth grade kids and you're this little fifth grade boy and you're just bloody noses. And it was a whole thing. But anyway, so you know, someone named Brittany would come over like Clarissa's crying again. And I'd be like, what? You know, what the fuck is she crying about again? You know, she's like, you missed a slow song, right? Or Amy, Amy's crying again. You

8:29even know Amy. So anyways, I love that we went to high school in middle school together. It's not Amy on the team. Amy, not Amy on the team. These are just first names only. Anyways, my point is everyone else became a man and a woman in high school and I didn't have puberty till like fucking a way later. And I remember having the moment of I have to find a different way to be valuable than being like attractive and good at sports. Because in middle school, I kind of was, but in high school, I wasn't because everyone else became a man. I went from playing against boys and beating everybody to now I'm playing against men. And I'm still a boy, like a little five foot two boy, right? And everyone else has beards. They're shaving. I remember asking my friend Ian, like, what is shaving? Like, you know, and he's like, well, when you get older, you know, I used to like actually ask. So anyways, and I remember Kiki, my best friend at the time. All of a sudden, he was a grown-ass man. He had pit hair and he was jacked. And I was like, what the fuck man? Last year, we were the same height, you know, and he was like a track star.

9:31He fucking crushed it. And I was just this fucking loser, basically. So my point of this is you, you have to, I think that the popular people in high school never had that moment of, oh, fuck, I got to play the long game. I had the moment of I have to play the long game. Because I remember thinking to myself, these popular girls and boys are like, they kind of just got popular because they got hot quick. Honestly, some of them like really didn't have to do anything to, they didn't have to like construct positive compound effect habits in order to become popular. They just some of them were like gorgeous with no effort. And Emilia was one of those people. We joke like you were popular in high school. I was a loser. But my point is is I remember thinking some of those people are never going to have the wake up call that I had where they have to play the long game. And one of the things when my stepdad laughed, he took all the money, like the income, he didn't take our money. He had most of the income. And I remember going from like pretty well off

10:37financially to we are fucked. I can't go to call it like we're fucked. And I now as a 37 year old man look back on that and go good. That was my like, oh, I have to do it. I have to do it. I have to build that. I can't just because before that we had ski trips and the 90s and we had a yacht, like deep sea fishing, all kinds of stuff. And you know, all our all their friends were kind of rich. And the 90s was a wild time. But after he left, it was like, oh, not only am I not a man yet. I'm a little boy. But now I also screwed my family. Like we're not going to be able to afford much if I don't like step up. So and back to the friend of mine, who was bullied, he also like really crushed it in college. When he left our town, he like did very well with the ladies in college. And he was like a really attractive, really in shape guy, statistically speaking, because he had he got into lifting, not out of he didn't get into lifting out of desire. He got into lifting out of pain and suffering. That's why I think I'm so pro pain, pro

11:44suffering. Because dude, like suffering is where all the that's when you like retool and re-equip. And I really some people don't. For me, whenever I was down and out, that's when I like rebuilt myself. There's memes online of somebody that's like super jacked, like a super jacked dude. It's like somebody broke his heart for sure. For sure. Somebody broke his heart. 100% stumble over that thing, baby. You don't get that jacked for fun. Yeah, exactly. Someone or he had a abusive father. That's what we want to put K. That's all so fair. Very abusive father. You got to hop because you got to go to book club. This is my takeaway. You kind of highlighted this. Choices create consequences. Consequences create choices. All right. So if you had something really bad happen to you, you might have made different choices. If you had a really great upbringing and everybody told you you were the best, the consequences may be more and enough for you to change the choices that you made. So reflect on that. That's my takeaway. Yeah, I would say that too is

12:44if things came really easy to you, seriously, if you were popular by default, if you were naturally gifted by default, if you didn't have adversity at home, like I would argue you are probably statistically more lazy. Usually greatness is germinated in pain. It usually starts there. My car accident, your suicidal radiation, dude, you and I, we had chips on our shoulders. If we didn't, there's no way we would have gotten here. This is not normal. What we're doing is very abnormal, statistically. I know for a fact that it was you and I feeling worthless early in our life without dads that started us on a different path than other people. And not everybody, obviously, but there's something to that. You're not having a dad and being angry about it and feeling like you weren't good enough. And me having my stepdad leave and having to face the fact that I'm still

13:47a little boy against all these giant men, like, you know, me against the world, like you had that shed. I know you did. That's why you and I didn't get along in high school because we both had chips on our shoulders and we wanted to fight each other. It's more you wanted to fight me than I wanted to fight you. But ultimately, I just think, I told Kevin this early on, I said, don't you dare take the chip off your shoulder. Just don't let the chip run you anymore. You know, don't take it off though. That little Kevin and little Alan that was like, whatever it takes, I'm going to find a way to make it happen because I'm in so much pain right now. Like I'm going to use that and use that as fuel to my own unique flavor of greatness. That is 100% a fuel that that is just super powerful. Assuming you don't let it drive you nuts. Cool. All right. We got to hop next elimination April 11th, next level live, 2026, totally virtual. We're going to have it at Casa Day Palm area. We will have more details. I believe the landing page is already up though. All right. Yeah. Next level universe.com. Just go click under events. It'll be there next level

14:48live. So yeah, we'd love to have you take us to 47 bucks. It's going to be awesome. It's going to be a full day event like you, you can't even get a freaking, I don't know, couple burgers and fries and a diet coke for $47 anymore. You can get a full day event that's catered to success. That's all we're going to be talking about. We'll have the link below in the show notes. As always, we love you. We appreciate you. grateful for each every one of you. If you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we will be every single day to help you get there. Keep leveling up to reach your full potential next elimination. Thanks for joining us for another episode of next level university. We love connecting with the next level family. We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes. Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.