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And we're off welcome back. We're free lunches. Hello, everyone. I'm sorry about my voice

I've it's all fucked up Alex has returned from two with Kijil and he got sick

Yeah, it's been a bad last week and I got I got my sickness out of the way as of Sunday

So isn't that crazy you was so many of us were sick

I was so far away from all of you motherfuckers

It seems like it just doesn't fucking matter where you are

About a fly sneeze dude. What's the point of living in the country other than like clearly just being able to fuck shit

That no one's gonna call you out of

Yeah, man, this is you know

This is one of the last bastions of places where you can just kind of keep getting away with stuff for real the amount of places that we drive through were like

God

Jeez the amount of shit that's been done in there it'll just be like a pub with nothing for like a 40 kilometer radius

In every direction called a pub. Yeah, yeah, it's just like one car out the front that's still functioning below

Oh my god, that's also how you know country Australia is getting away with it

What do you mean you have a pub that you can only drive to it's like jeez is it is

It's like you you guys live on different rules here. Yeah, there's one cop for 500 of you

And you all know that the pub is 20k away. Yeah, yeah, they don't give a fuck out there, dude

And I'll tell you what I and look there is like there's many nice things to be said about the country

But that's not why you come to this podcast for it was beautiful yada yada the people will lovely small town blah blah blah blah, okay

These were some great a fuck holes

To be completely fair to you

I'm fucking you called me up and we won't name the towns people I was just in there

I was just in there. Oh dude, it's a fuckhole

And I was like I've kicked in both of those towns there straight up fuck holes. Yeah, actually if you don't mind

I will throw one town under the basket. Yeah, double is oh interesting choice

Yeah, bo double those are the shit towns draft. I don't think I would have chosen double is my first no

No, no, no, it's not my first either, but it is a town that it just feels like

The moment you walk into it, you're like this is kind of a little bit uneasy

Yeah, and the moment it gets dark you're like there's a horror movie happening and no one's told me I find double to be just a

Deeply unsettling place interesting, and it's got a zoo in a jail and I've been to both of them

They're both great. Maybe I didn't feel that way because we spend the night at the zoo

You guys stayed at the zoo you can stay at the zoo. Oh, that's cool. You can stay at the zoo and look

No, this time I'll tell you what fucking song so and also thank you to care

No, they know because we talked shit about it then so we've stayed twice right one time I was opening for

Blake pavy I think it was in 2024 and we said at the double zoo and it was okay

You know it was good you stay there and you can see giraffes from your from your little accommodation

It's cool. You can walk onto the fence. You can fuck with them. It's cool. Hello there. Yeah

The wild giraffe at the tabo zoo. That was the character that we can't do it

Welcome to the tabo zoo where nature and humanity combine

Look at the proud elephant

Ha ha ha ha ha

Apple in his tiny pen. His name is ma kemba. Weve to ma kemba. He's a sweet boy

My can't be has just been diagnosed with colorectal cancer. This is this is a mere cat. He has ADHD

Quick put the boy in the MRI machine

Humanity and nature to one. I'll tell you what man. Someone should do a zoo where you go

Well, it's like these are neurodivergent animals.

Oh, I think that's a great marketing thing

of being like all of our animals

have some form of like something mentally fucked.

So people give me, oh my god, that's so me.

That's how it's just like an elephant

and it continues to walk into a fucking tree.

That's how it's seen well

that San Diego should have rebranded it.

Yeah.

It's like this is telecom.

He has a crashing issue.

That's right.

A bit bipolar.

He has PTSD.

We support him.

The operational PTSD is the fact that we've kept him

and his dad in a fucking four by four cage.

We used to have therapy appointments

until he skinned the therapist.

Yeah.

But so the first time we went out of school,

the second time we went, it was just construction.

Oh, really?

The giraffes were so far away

and you just had to deal with the fucking

the tradies in between you and the zoo.

Yeah, sure.

And so it wasn't as fun.

Then we put the monkeys in the heart.

The heart has to be sick.

No, that would have been sick.

The monkeys are building the new aquarium feature.

That would have been fucking awesome.

But that didn't happen.

Yeah.

Double, yeah.

I'm trying to remember what I think

I remember having a good time in double.

A lot of these places blur into one another.

Tamworth was fucking rough, dude.

Tamworth, you know how we talked about that thing

where it's like you need to be,

it's great marketing for a town to be like,

we're actually famous for this thing

to hide the underlying fucked stuff

that you're actually famous for.

I think Tamworth is the best example of that.

It's like one golden guitar later

and no one asks shit about the

meth and domestic violence rights.

Yeah.

You walk around in Tamworth.

That was a rough vibe, dude.

Yeah.

Maybe it's also just cost of living

has gone worse since 2024

because walking around, you're like, fuck,

this doesn't feel like the honky tonk

capital of Australia.

No, no.

This feels rough.

We always pitch it.

We always pitch it like it's just like

the country music place that Dolly Parton's from.

Where's she fucking from?

God knows.

Nashville.

Nashville.

They're like, it's Australia's Nashville.

I'm like, nah, dude, it's Australia's Flint, Michigan.

Yeah, dude.

Oh, so people on the streets ripping out

the speakerphone from the McDonald's driveway.

In Nashville, is that what's happening over there?

Are you shouting the Edward as far as they can

down the fucking hunger jacks?

Last time I was there,

Misha and I drove through it and,

last year, we drove through it last year

and it was just a stop on the way back.

I think we went back by a breezy, like from breezy,

we went by a tamworth.

And we're like, let's just do a nice little country drive

immediately.

Let's pick up some snacks, just three kids

stealing trolleys from cars.

Yeah, man.

There was a, it's gone.

Not on this tour, but on the last tour.

So on the last tour in Tamworth,

I started hearing stories.

They were like, oh, last time we came here,

there was this guy like shout it out the end word

during the show.

And I was like, well, that's crazy.

And then the sound tech for that show

was thought I had a learning disability.

He asked me if I had a learning disability genuinely.

Right.

And he's like, sorry, mate, you just had to look about you.

Yeah.

Are you serious?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He was no jokes.

He just straight up called me retarded to my face.

That's the nicest guy in Tamworth.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That is a man who's like, no, no, no, I'm a very sweet,

you look fucking retarded.

I just want to make sure that you are retarded

because I think you are.

Why did you drop the mic?

What happened?

No, it was on the set up.

I was just, brother, I wasn't even doing anything.

I was just standing there.

He just, on site was like, he's got Down syndrome

or something.

I think he thought, yeah, because he's like,

well, actually, my cousin's brother's wife's kid.

Actually, he's got what you've got.

Yes.

Yeah, he's just like, yeah, he marred into a Balkan family.

Oh, yeah.

He's like, he's poor, poor retarded kid.

So the show happens and the guy

shouts out the end word during the show.

Anyway, I'm there, blah, blah, blah.

We do a meet and greet later and the guy comes up.

He's like, like, hey, remember me?

He's like, no, what's your name, man?

He's like, I'm the guy that shouted out

and they just says the end word.

All right.

Well, he's, we'll go, whoa.

And he's like, oh, come on, fellas.

I'm like, what the fuck do you mean?

Come on, man.

Yeah, that's tense.

He's like, is that not all right?

We're like, no, man.

And now you're doing the city dude thing

in the country town.

Oh, brother.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So town, yeah, but it was a nice time.

It was the worst, the worst stop was for sure a chukka.

Yeah, a chukka was a rough guy.

I'd never even heard of a chukka.

And you mentioned it.

Yeah, yeah, a chukka was a rough guy.

But the rest of the tour was actually quite nice.

The regional towns, they turn up.

Yeah, they turn up and they come out hot.

Logo was fucking a lecture.

Oh, man, I could talk at length about Waga.

Waga rips great.

Dane Simpson, what about Waga?

Dane Simpson.

He's whipped them all into shape to the point

where Dane gigs they're all the time.

So they know comedy.

And Carl Barron opens all his tours there.

So he runs in all his material at the theater for half price.

He does like a week long residency.

Oh, fuck.

So you've got like this little town

that by the grace of Dane, I get an understand standup.

That's all, because that's what it felt like.

The rest of the show is you have to do a little bit

of like corralling.

I'm opening, so you've got to do a little bit like,

who's seen comedy, who hasn't seen comedy, blah, blah, blah.

These Waga from the word God was just ready for it.

Yeah.

Fucking electric was mad.

And speaking to Carl Barron, it's nice to literally

every stop, every sound tech had something

to say about Carl Barron.

Yeah, he is not loved by the sound tech community.

Oh, why?

They all think he's a cunt.

Maybe he's the one with the learning bits of disability.

Yeah, yeah.

He's like, we've got another comedian in town, so he's here.

All right.

This is like Carl Barron, you stay with the floor.

Apparently he's a motherfucker.

Oh, really?

Everyone, like most of the sound techs would be like,

oh, yeah, easy bump in.

You guys are great.

Thanks for all that.

Fucking know the same when we had Carl Barron.

And you'd be like, I've been with Carl Barron.

And he's like, oh, mate.

And then like three other dudes would pop up and be like,

fucking, he bringing his own fucking light.

So we can't see the audience.

He doesn't trust us.

He doesn't let anybody in the theater for the time

that he's warming up on today.

Just like really like, divas shit, which, you know,

I would argue, hey, you can't gave him that right.

Everybody was like, mate, but a fucking love cow.

It's like, well, this is what happens.

This is what happens.

To be fair, I've heard the lights thing before, actually.

Yeah.

We're like, he's petting you completely.

Mm.

And like, that is so far.

How do you get the ass successful

and have that in the air?

It's such a crazy, like,

Marie Antoinette level of comedy success.

Where it's like, you can't even look at them anymore.

Yeah, man, he's the ass burger for so long.

He's like, I wish God to look at these people.

It was...

Bring me my grand piano, so I may talk over.

Oh, yeah, and then he fucking has a guitar.

And he'll just play like, he's like,

oh, and then he play, he fucking fuck, like,

everyone was complaining about the guitar

because he brings, he closes his show

in like a musical number,

but like, he spends the entire time warming up

with the guitar before he gets,

so he's spending more time on the guitar apparently

than the actual bits.

Oh, all right, okay.

It's really odd.

I don't know.

I don't know.

And then you ask, you go, how does it go?

And then everyone's like, yeah, it's, it's old school.

Okay, fuck.

All right, okay.

Isn't that odd that that's the choice of words

as opposed to, it's classic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like, yeah.

And that's a certified Karl Barron Hader.

I love that very second.

I liked him, he had his moment.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he's still selling out everywhere, man.

Of course, but so are the wiggles.

You know what I mean?

It's like, we just like what we used to like.

You're on a treacherous ground, man, man.

Brother.

You're on a treacherous ground.

You just stay by the mom wiggles.

No, no, no, the modern wiggles, fuck that.

Give me the classics, dude.

The classics are never gonna show up.

They'll show up for like, once,

blend in the grass every 10 years.

And you'll ironically be there, by the way.

You're not like, fuck yes, for sale it.

You're there to be like, oh my God, I'm watching the wiggles

and I have a fucking minus one, those six

or something in my hand.

Like that's, that's, it's iron.

Yeah, it is in a zone way.

And do you put a bunch of festival drugs in your system

and then all of a sudden you've got 4,000 people

doing hot potato?

I guess that's cool.

I guess you didn't drop in the wiggles though, dude.

I did.

Oh, you did?

Yeah, I love the wiggles.

The wiggles slap.

No, no, the wiggles, I like the wiggles as much as I can.

Do you know what I just couldn't imagine

going out of my way to see them?

I'd go get drunk and go to a wiggles

and old school wiggles constantly any day of the week.

I think I just don't, the music isn't good enough.

Do you know why, though, if I may,

do you wanna know why?

Is because now is an adult

and because they're sort of adjacent to what we do

and we interact with them,

I know the more as people

as opposed to just these kids entertainers,

because you get older and you realize

that kids entertainers are still people

and they're still musicians.

So I know that one of them is still a coke fiend.

I saw him the other night.

And I know that one.

So I'm, no, no, no, I'm not gonna say.

Who cares?

I can't.

Right?

Yeah, I can't, because it's still defamation

is still hearsay.

Okay, all right.

And these are still,

these are one of the hearts and minds of kids

all over Australia.

Maureen, I've seen them in this leather jacket

around your town.

I'm not saying shit.

That's a coke fiend upon them this evening.

I'm not saying shit.

And one of them is just a fucking

walk that owns a successful Italian restaurant

in Leicardt.

True.

So that's the blue one.

That's the blue one.

That's Anthony.

Anthony, fuck Anthony.

And then I don't know what Jeff is.

Jeff is squatting.

He's sleeping.

He's sleeping.

He's sleeping.

He's fentanyl leaning out the front of the band

and he's Italian restaurant.

Yeah, I don't, I'd go.

This is like, if someone's like,

hey, we've got a free ticket to the Wiggles,

I would go.

But it's, if they're like,

fucking tickets are on sale right now.

18 plus Wiggles.

It's not even them.

It's, I think it's the clientele that I'd be like,

fucking take me out.

Do you know what I think?

Do you know what I think I might be chasing?

I think I might be chasing our hide that I lost

because I remember going to at least two Wiggles concerts

when I was like, five or six.

I know I haven't a great time.

They're the Wiggles.

I'm six years old.

And then I remember Nan and Pop took us to Yanba,

my brother and I one time.

And at the, at the sports club or whatever,

they had the Hoolie Dooley's performing.

And she's like, let's go to the Hoolie Dooley's.

You guys love the Hoolie Dooley's.

And I'm like, okay, get there.

I'm watching this guy as like at this purple octopus

and they're like, clap your hands and sing your songs.

You can't ever go wrong.

And I'm looking at Nan and Pop being like, I'm 13.

And what universe did you think this would be something

I'd enjoy?

I mean, and so I'm like, but it was so good then.

And now as an adult, the, the facade of teenage doom is gone.

Yes.

I'm not too cool for it.

Even then it's, I'm 13.

I'm not going to be into something I was into when I was four.

Yeah, of course.

And now I'm like, let's fucking get a few minus 196s.

True.

And under the belt, let's smoke a fat joint.

I guess your granddad was like, well, he already enjoys

all that gay kid shit still like Pokemon.

What do you know what I mean?

Like he's probably, to them, it would be like,

so what's the difference?

Yeah.

You haven't said like a kid, we've got like a kid shit.

You haven't sent me to a war.

So guess what?

Fruit salad, yummy, yummy.

True that.

I'll tell you what, I dare you to put on 18 plus weevils

after the war.

I dare you.

See who gives a fuck.

Watch everyone freak out.

Just a whole load out eyes.

Just trying to remember how this made us feel.

Just 1,000 yard stairs, 28 years old.

Come on guys, fruit salad, yummy, yummy.

Dude, they've got a drone, every old freak out.

Every snare drum sounds like the fucking vehicle.

Yeah, after a certain point, you just

all remember the time that your sergeant

put it on the Bluetooth speaker in the tank

as you rolled into Tehran.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I remember fruit salad.

Yeah.

That was the day John died.

I got his legs blown off by an ID.

Cry to my arms, call for his mum.

We freed Palestine, but I work ask.

I can't enjoy the wiggles anymore.

And they've never been more powerful.

The Palestinian world government commands us

to tend this wiggles constantly.

Captain Feather Sword isn't fucking on the run.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for crimes against humanity.

It will homosexual.

Yeah, yeah, he's who's gay.

Let's be right.

Yeah, yeah, captain Feather Sword.

If I was a pirate, be like, I found the bottom boys.

Yeah, I feel like there's nothing more relatable

than watching like a six year old seven year old kid fall

over, get up, realize they're winded

and start freaking out like man, that feeling never leaves you.

Yeah, you won't remember that forever.

I feel love, don't you?

Suddenly you beg for life.

Yeah, dude, that must feel, I'll tell you why,

I wish I was still in touch with my toddler brain

a little bit falling over and the shock of that,

you must feel so alive after the crying finishes.

Oh, yeah, I just went through so fucking much.

And I'm unscathed.

And even when you do get scathed, it's sort of just like,

whoa, yeah, it's, yeah, it's like filled with wonder.

Yeah, yeah, and then mom gives you red cordial

to make you feel better and all of a sudden.

It's awesome, dude.

She's wondering why the fuck you being a fuck.

Yeah, it's like, what's going on with him?

He feels alive, man.

To you speaking of sports, yeah, I engaged in my own sport

on tour.

Yeah, yeah.

Jack and open the van behind everyone,

say to anyone, notice this.

Yeah, it's a bit of a social leave on the end of the year.

I get a vibe check, I get a vibe with no one notices.

No, I played for the first time ever

an actual game of tennis.

Oh, how'd you go?

Brother, I think I was meant for sports.

Yeah, I think, yeah, you got the frame.

I did something wrong early in development, say,

no one should have led me near the fucking drama class.

Goddamn it, Kiwi's being so big when you're fucking 14.

I could have been something at a slightly richer school.

Yeah, fuck me, man.

Because the, this is the first time really

like sort of figuring out the mechanics

and like having to serve, like I did it a little bit

with Alex Neal a couple months ago,

but I just couldn't fucking do it.

Like I just couldn't.

And then this trip, there was a tennis court

at one of the motels and I was like,

let's play a little fucking tennis.

What else?

And also obviously a big job of itch kick

than watching a lot of tennis.

Let me see if it's like a Serbian thing.

Yeah, yeah.

And it's not, but I'm also this potential, I think.

Yeah, nice, okay, nice.

I served a couple good ones, served a couple aces.

Yeah.

And then the returning was pretty good as well.

Yeah, sweet.

I got pretty, I won a couple games.

It was fun.

I think I'm going to get tennis lessons.

Beautiful.

I'm a nice dude.

Because then a dude that was in the pool,

that was like one of the other motel guests.

He was like an Asian dude, rashi, big hat,

and like just pudgy smugglers gets out of the pool.

And he's like, you boys are playing tennis?

We're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's like, you mind if I get in there?

And we were like, sure, man, we're about to leave.

So, yep, do you want a 1v1 someone?

And he was like, this guy, and he was Luke.

And he's like, I want to see what I'm so cool.

And then like, we're like, you sure, man,

you're not wearing any shoes.

And he's like, oh, that'll be fine.

And then we were, oh, Luke's fucked.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

This entire time we've been like, who's this fucking show

muzzle girl?

Yeah, I sure.

The Luke, what Luke held his own, but this can't fucking rock.

I was good.

He was, after the first serve, it was so clear.

Yeah, like he served 1v1, we were like, oh, no.

And then I went, you play tennis before, man,

he's like, went to school for it.

Yeah, fuck it, dude.

Oh, fuck.

And we just watched this dude put on a fucking clinic.

Oh, that's us.

In a way that like the rest of us were very like,

you know, toddler brain about getting the ball back,

where it's like, there's no real emotional technique.

Yeah, it just get the racket to the ball.

So all of us are kind of, the racket's in front of us

for most of us.

Yeah, yeah, fair.

These guys doing the proper tennis wind back.

Oh, yeah.

And just on technique, just everywhere,

like you can tell he's like, I want to go over there.

And then it goes over there.

And that was that mystified us,

because we've just been playing randoms, basically.

Be like, oh, open goes over there.

And then it doesn't, but you win the point and you're sick.

Nice.

And so watching him, I'm like, that's doable.

I don't have to be, I called mama.

I was like, we're gonna take tennis lessons.

And she's like, why?

And I was like, you know, so I can see, like,

try and be like, not like Jokovic.

And she went, it's too late for that.

And it really hit me that all of my best years

were wasted on the creative art stood.

I should have listened to the guy of the royal golf course

when he asked me if I played rugby

and I said, no, and he said, what a waste.

Oh.

Yeah, I reckon you really would have gone around rugby, actually.

I, no, I got, I was scared of being a hurt.

So, but also again, the, again, the Kiwi's brother.

If I was in, if God's, I wish they sent me to a private school,

just for the reason alone of playing sports with no fear.

Yeah, I think I would have gotten into more sports.

Mayor, I, I got a level with you.

It's, it's, I think you've got to be afraid

of the Kiwis in rugby league.

In union, they're bigger in their stronger,

but it's a gentleman's game.

It's different.

You get hit hard, but you're not allowed

to just fucking shoulder charge someone.

But that was the rugby that was going to play to my,

it was league.

Yeah, no, yeah, then, yeah, don't touch that.

Private school is union.

Oh, yeah, I forget, sorry.

Yeah, again, I would have a much better time.

I have this moment in my head when someone brings up rugby,

I'm like, well, they can't possibly talking about that

peasant field rugby league.

Yeah, man, that's the, I didn't know rugby union existed

until I was 21.

Oh, serious?

I swear to God, it was like, I, I thought rugby union

was a union that they formed to protect the rugby league

players in terms of like wage disputes.

Yeah, man, I'm sorry, I apologize.

I grew up around a tax bracket.

That means that just by osmosis,

I can perfectly track the decline of rugby union

on the world stage.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If, if South Africa plays it,

we probably aren't repping it in Brown's Plains.

Yeah, that's fair.

Brown's Plains on a huge cricketing suburb.

No.

Yeah, it's literally just rugby league and volleyball.

Yeah, for some reason.

Volleyball is a sign-up.

Oh, I don't, I don't believe,

I don't believe in volleyball's popularity.

I don't believe in volleyball's.

Oh, you're about to get Timothy Shalamate

for you to be a shalamate.

Yeah, I am.

On the other irrelevant thing.

No one, here's where people give a fuck

about volleyball at the beach.

That's it.

But we all have to play it in school

and it's an Olympic event.

And that is why,

because no one gives a fuck about it,

the lady uniforms are weird as shit.

Yeah.

It's like, yeah, that's the only way

you've got to get eyeballs on your sport.

It needs to be this close to like,

fucking stripper grid iron.

That's the thing.

It's like, the other sport,

you have to do a lot more work to make it a sex thing.

Yep.

Volleyball is just like-

It's just a sex thing.

It's like, do you wanna watch

eight chicks jiggle around for a little bit?

Yeah.

There you go.

But do you love sports?

Yeah.

Are you in a loveless marriage

and you need to watch something

and justify it to your wife?

Yes.

Are you trying to justify K.O. subscription

bar or pervert?

You know, K.O. during the day

is regularly indoor volleyball.

K.O. after dark is beach volleyball.

Yes.

Because beach volleyball is the weird

voyeuristic one to me.

But beach volleyball isn't,

it's not like a competitive league.

It's an Olympic sport.

Are you serious?

Beach volleyball is a good sport.

Yes, it is.

You bet you do.

They play it on sand.

They put stadiums on the beach.

Yes.

A glory horse in the opening ceremony.

No, but slacklines and cheating on your wife is.

It all blends together.

Very beautiful.

What, okay.

What are the, are they just bikinis?

Yeah, pretty much, yeah.

Well, they still do a lot of them still do

that sort of really tight crop top.

But like, it makes the indoor volleyball ladies

look more dressed up.

Because they've got knee pads on

when they're shorts are a little longer.

Inter volleyball is just tits and ass.

Yeah, man.

And it's like, no, they're athletes.

It's like, yeah, they are athletes.

But this is what you have to do

to get people to care about the fact

that they're athletes.

This is a thing we all started teaching in sport

and then all convinced ourselves that people like.

It's fun to play, no denying that.

I like playing volleyball.

Of course.

I like to sit down and watch the Malaysian open.

Yeah, because this is the thing.

It's like, I think you can measure

how porn-prone a sport is.

If you just put, if you put a dildo directly

in the middle of the playing area,

where would it look at, out of place?

Where would it look like something's about to go down?

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Because if you put a dildo, middle of the AFL field,

everyone's like, well, that's a mistake.

Rather, beach volleyball could be like at a top time

and all the players are taking a Sibian break.

Yeah.

They're all sitting on this Sibian break.

Brought to you by the Thundermaster 8,000.

You've fed those water bottles that you drink vertical

like you rest your chin on your teeth.

Well, it's a lovely round

and wing defense there on the Canadian team.

Looks like she's come already.

She's ready to get back on the field.

Because you know, because you want to know what?

You haven't heard of beach volleyball as an Olympic sport.

No one gives a fuck about men's beach volleyball.

Except for the twinks that play it.

Yes.

That's it.

Again, in that way, very ballet.

Very ballet, deeply, deeply ballet.

Feminine ankles on the male volleyball team.

No dudes give a fuck about ballet

unless you want to be in ballet.

True.

Or you've gone to the ballet with a chick you're seeing

who's into the ballet.

Yes, and then you do your best.

And you go, at least I need something for the fellas.

Yeah.

So nice, clear, envisioned cocks.

A perfect outline of a penis in every frame

of this fucking thing.

We paid $120 and I get to watch the outline

of this dude's penis.

Do you know what my takeaway from the ballet was

that a small man actually have very large penises.

Very big penises on very tiny men.

Okay, that swans got a cock.

All right.

Immersion broken.

I'm trying to believe it's a swan.

We see there's this massive cock stock on the leg

of this ballerino.

A clear human cock coming out of this one.

You explain that to me.

Well, like swan whank, am I right?

He's got to know about it, right?

He's got to know that everyone can see his cock.

The black swan, I bet he is.

I bet he is, brother.

Black swan wearing a cance.

The fact that I swear to God, any of these dumb console

that have been like, I don't understand why Timothy Shalame

would think the operas are relevant.

Go to one.

Yeah, man, I got to be honest with you.

$220 to watch cock stands around the violin.

In a language, you don't speak.

Yeah, I had.

Oh, sometimes there's no language.

Dude, I have never, I have, I don't think I've ever seen

a celebrity say something I grew with more

and fully understand why that was a very bad idea to say that.

I don't understand why it was a bad idea to say.

I thought that was a slam dunk in terms of social,

like everyone knew this.

No, no, we all need to, or everyone in the arts

needs to continue to pretend that ballet and opera are relevant.

And in a way, I think they are.

Ah, no, they're not, if you,

but they're relevant in the same way

that a pair of high-waisted pantaloons are.

Even less, even less.

I don't know, I think that's funny.

If you see a guy with high-waisted pantaloons,

you go like, oh, it's okay, nice, that's his thing.

Cool, it's like, I can believe a community of people

like that, you know, whereas I think with opera and ballet,

if we take away your government funding,

would you have to put a foreclosure sign

on front of the building tomorrow?

Because if the answer is yes, then yeah, you're irrelevant.

Do you know what actually really pissed me off?

So one thing that I actually thought was quite clever,

is that a bunch of operas and ballets used Timothy

as a discount code and whatnot.

So my thought process was, well, if we're selling well,

I don't think you need to do that.

Exactly.

And also, I hated the opera house's response.

What did they say?

Well, they were like, what do you think our name is?

You think it's irrelevant?

And I'm like, you don't show opera.

What the fuck?

You have magicians in you.

You show like digital symphony guys.

You have there being like, yeah, fuck it in.

You do, you do have varnirist to quit out there, okay?

Don't pretend.

Let's not pretend all of a sudden

that you were doing opera's five nights away.

Log boy.

And also, you had walks out of work,

the stage play by Nick Giannopoulos for like eight weeks.

And also, I know.

It's like your most record-breaking run.

You did Don Coyote.

You didn't even put it in the opera house.

You put it in the forecourt

and cause it doesn't sell in the opera house.

Go to the opera house.

Those were like, I'm like, there's no fucking way

that people above 70 are buying tickets to the opera.

And if someone was like,

comedy is kind of irrelevant.

I'd be like, you can't the right.

I'd be like, I think it's on its way out.

Yeah, it's kind of getting there as an art form.

There's less audiences.

It's oversaturated.

It's too expensive as well to go see just randoms.

So you may as well just go see the people that you know.

So like a club scene doesn't really exist.

Meaning there is just sort of like a comedy oligarchy.

It's like, yeah, I can see, that's exclusive.

Yeah, that's it.

With ballet and opera, I don't know why that's controversial.

Yeah, I know.

No one's coming to see your shit.

Yeah, but the arts and have to pretend that it's important.

It's that.

It's everyone going, well, I don't think that was a good thing

to say about those two highly respected art forms.

It's like, we only respect it because it's old.

Yeah.

That's it.

Joe Marcos Araci had a great point where he is like,

musicals are what operas evolved into.

And it's a great point where it's like musicals thrive.

Yeah, people still love the theater.

There was a pipeline from ballet to American idiot

the rock opera.

Like it all, like yes, we made better

shit now.

Yeah, that's how we saw our fucking mind.

Exactly, we found out that we could use elements

of this in better shit.

Go and just see one guy.

Like the idea of like, it's like the tube of principle.

You know, it's like, hey, dude, that's awesome

that you can play a tube.

But this doesn't really sound good unless we add like

120 other things.

Yeah, it's that.

So it's like, no disrespect to the tube of community.

Yeah, I'm sure there are excellent tube of players

and we need them, but for the bigger way better stuff.

Yeah.

We need so when the, when a fat guy comes on in the musical,

we have you got raw, raw, raw, and it's great.

And you shine in that moment.

We're in the corner of the machine.

A very specific creation of a moment.

No, we're seeing 120 tubers.

Dude, every is steadfast at school or talent show

that we do, they'd always be at least two girls.

One of them a very good friend of mine during school

who'd come on and because they did tap and ballet,

we'd have to sit through three and a half minutes

of fucking purgatory of just being like,

oh, okay, you're in an office this time

and you're dancing away while realizing you're late.

Yeah, man.

Excuse me, can you give me a second?

I'm 17.

I'm gonna go crush with a seven,

calling all the great nines weird for Dan in the grade 12.

Excuse me, I'm gonna go crush.

I wish I could get the hours back,

spent watching high school dance performances

from just whatever chick decided.

It's like the yellow by cold play was really,

she was really going through something at the time.

There was one chick that didn't have any affliction one.

And we just had to, it was a solo

that she did an amity affliction.

It was like, you know, all of amity affliction

songs are about drowning and killing yourself.

So it clearly was just going through something.

And we just had to watch her just like,

fucking roll around stage for like six minutes

through like school speakers amity affliction.

Yeah, it's not good.

And at the end, it's like, all right,

give it up a gabby everybody.

Yeah, yeah, man.

Because even as a child, you know,

somewhere that like there's an intersection

between vulnerability and artistic expression.

So I understand that this is your medium of choice.

So we won't tell you that it sucked.

It is. We all hated that.

Yes, we all hated that across the board.

You'll notice that the round of applause

seemed rather obligatory instead of the Kiwi's

playing Bruno Mars, which was overwhelming excitement and joy.

Yeah, that's so much more fun.

Anytime a Kiwi gets up in the acoustic guitar,

you're like boys, phones down.

This is about to be fucking generational.

And also, if ballet is still relevant,

how come you never meet an in-work ballerina?

Tell me your favorite ballerina.

I can't tell you my favorite ballerina, dude.

The idea of someone being like,

well, it's actually safe.

And you can't say this one later.

The black one, you can't, because that is a movie

about how being a ballerina drives you crazy

and the effort is not worth the payoff.

And you max out at 23.

And you max out at 23.

There's no one above 23 that's still a ballerina.

No, it's impossible.

So it's a terrible, you meet 80-year-old actors,

you meet fucking forever-year-old musicians.

Richard Prye was doing stand-up while he was dying.

And half on fire.

It's like, yeah, it's you age it.

But why defend the thing at 22 says,

go fuck yourself.

Yeah.

And then your only career path really is to open

a ballet studio, which is going to struggle to make money.

And then you've got all these things.

Who pass that curse down to innocent children?

Yeah, who then grow up and they're good at it.

And they realize that if they don't make it

by the time they're 12, it's over.

They have to look like a Russian dude in the eye

and they're casting audition, going,

sick ups.

No.

But this is too big.

Not good.

She looked too much like a woman.

Out.

We want a little girl.

I must feel your breath to see if you can be ballerina.

Too big.

Yeah, you get one Stinovsky all the way through.

Yes.

This is the whole way.

And then when you're 23, by the way,

the prime of your life,

you're told you're fucking useless.

And also, the toll on your body will live with you.

Big time, these are all fucked up.

Your toes are bound like that,

fucking old Asian tactic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, when they're buying their feet.

All messed up, dude.

It's weird.

So you don't even get to enjoy your prime

because someone told you,

someone's like, hey, you're too fat now for,

and you're like an extra small.

Yeah, you're 38 kilos.

Yeah, let's defend that.

Brother, people are all over the place.

This is what I'm saying.

You got your virtues,

but then someone talked shit about ballet,

which embodies all of the shit that we say we're not for.

And then we go, how dare you?

Yeah, no, no, it's about expression.

It's like, yeah, but like, I don't know, man,

it's just, it's so dull to me that I can understand

professionally why he probably shouldn't have said it.

But on a personal level, I'm like, yeah, man, who gives a fuck?

Brother, also, can I have one more thing?

One more, one more, this is on the opera side.

Yeah.

You guys only do the same for fucking things.

Like, they only do the same for, of course it's dying.

People who've seen your shit,

the opera company's put on four to eight

of the exact same operas.

Are people writing new operas?

I probably, but I have never asked a question

I couldn't give a fuck about finding out.

This is probably, but no one would fund it

because the paying audience doesn't want to see a new opera.

The people go into operas are like, yes,

coming again, good.

Yeah, yeah, sure.

There's 70 and they're like, yes,

this is the opera that I like.

Yeah, great.

No one's funding new operas, they're not gonna sell.

Yeah, I suppose you're right.

It is weird, though, that also like this,

it feels like such a luxury of it,

of the genuine bourgeoisie,

where it's like, yeah, you guys are funding this

because you have so much money

that you may as well give these kinds of $100,000.

We're like, yeah, I liked how the Fabman's song

very deep in German for three hours.

Yeah.

You're like, you know this, you listen to the radio.

Yeah.

It's better stuff on.

It's, and all of that for $480.

Yeah.

Rock opera's on the other hand.

Oh my God, Rush Deal, Rush Deal tickets,

you get in there for $40.

Beautiful, done.

You get to belt out some of your favorite Queen songs?

Yep.

The who have two of them,

Green Day's got one of the Queen's got one.

The legend list keeps on going.

I think they turned the yellow submarine

by the Beatles into one.

It's like, yeah, dude, this is fun.

We need to talk about the porn hub band.

Oh my God, how have we not?

How are you, how are you fairing, Sammy?

Are you okay?

Okay.

First off, I'll say this.

There are websites that are still on them.

Yeah, man.

Yeah, yeah.

It's like three results down.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You'll get there, it's not a hat.

I haven't done a particularly good job of this.

It was, it was banned by the put,

the someone in the government clicked on the porn hub thing.

I went, oh my God.

Oh my God, been it, been it.

I can't even look at that in a second time.

Just porn hubs got.

Junkim, an extra three days to get to X videos.

Oh no.

Another day when it's counting.

And I had this moment where I was like,

this isn't gonna affect me.

Because we've spoken about it before,

where it's like, this might actually be

an overall net positive.

And I do feel that.

But I was like, it's right.

And then my back post is like, there's always Reddit.

Yeah, there's a lot.

And then the day X videos got taken down,

I was like, well, that's just fucking annoying.

I've read it, accounts gone.

Look at my email.

I was like, hi, hi, Sam.

We have a suspended and blocked your account

due to suspicious activity on the account.

We believe you have been hacked, blah, blah, blah.

If you wish, I'm like,

like it was like a message from God.

He's like, hey, man, go for a walk.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm like, all right, I go for a walk.

It's been a while, buddy, go see the sun.

Yeah, I go see the sun.

And I was just like, and I was walking out.

And I have to admit, the last week.

I'm having a lot of sex.

Exactly.

I was pausing now whether I say this.

I'm like, no, this is good.

Yeah, this is good.

Good, man.

Because I'm like,

I'm like, we both don't have it.

That's great.

Let's go.

And so now I'm like, this isn't that positive.

That isn't that positive.

And now I'm sort of like, dude, why are you in less?

Misha and I are in a great place.

Not that like Paul was running out of anything.

I'm like, oh, maybe this is just a nice knock on effect

that those extra three to four steps you have to take.

Yeah.

It's like, I was just doing something else.

For real, man, I started keeping a calendar.

Yeah.

Yeah, you have a jack off day?

No, no, no, no, no, no, just like,

I've got a better schedule like this.

Like, my admin's gone up.

My admin's gone up.

Yeah.

The last week people were like,

damn, I was going to really quick on the email.

Yeah, like, yeah, it's all gone.

Productivity.

God, productivity's gone through the roof.

It's a brilliant move.

They can allow people to start working from home again soon.

I think so.

Yeah, I think that was the last thing that we needed.

Yeah.

Because we knew people were jacking off from company time.

Yeah, man, we were all jacking off on company time.

We were about to all be Fortune 500 companies.

Yeah, right before the internet got put in your pocket.

It does make a lot of sense that you shouldn't be able to watch that much porn.

Now with that, you go, oh, yeah, you're going, yeah, you're right.

This is a lot.

It was a lot.

Yeah, you needed that removal just a little bit.

And it's also, you know, it's fun to get creative again, where you're just like, okay,

so it's just not, you had to work for it a little bit more these days.

Yeah, yeah, you're like, well, that's fun.

You're going to have, you know what I mean, like this, being like, all right, came out

catalogs.

Let's see what's up.

It's a foraging mentality and also the videos on these shit websites, there's so much pop

apps you don't want to do with the hassle.

So you kind of like this would be fine.

And I think that the, like, the elimination of choice, you're like, all right, sweet.

Well, come on, what was that?

I think, by the way, you can tell the kind of porn someone watched based on if they're

not putting their ID into porn hub.

Oh, yeah, 100%.

I think, I think we can just all say we've all been freaks.

That's for the last 10 years.

The fact that everyone I talked to was like, I would, man, but just put him ID in there.

It's on the fight.

It's like, yeah.

Because you watch crazy porn.

You don't want that to be on the government record.

That's what most of the, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, pretty much, just not even crazy.

And this is like, not even crazy.

But just like, there is a version of me that can only exist here.

Yeah.

That's it.

So people must never find out about this on the lot and very easy to find information.

Yes.

People can never find out about this.

I think, because if you're just watching regular tits and ass, just like, oh, sweet.

A bell of danger has a new video, isn't that interesting?

I think you have no problem.

Be like, and that's my idea.

I'm going to have a totally regular wank and then go back to work.

No.

Because you can probably find that video on one of the other sites, but I'm saying most

people watching regular porn would be fine to just put their ID in.

Yes.

Sure.

It's the vast majority of us have all been like, we, our threshold has gotten so high.

Yeah.

I had a porn hub account for, I think, six months, because they were just running this

promo that popped up.

You had an account.

You don't have anybody that's had an account either of I, but it popped up as like six months

free.

And I was like, are you serious?

Fuck it.

Fuck it.

It's an excellent deal.

Damn good deal.

I'll take that deal.

Here's the thing.

The moment they were like, your six months are up, I'm like, this isn't worth it.

Oh, yeah.

I was like, this is just the same thing, but now all the videos are 48 minutes long.

I don't even watch that much.

Yeah.

100% brother.

That's the high speed scrubbing on the MacBook is excellent for just like skip, skip, skip,

skip.

Pussy eating skip.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You look for the put it in a butt spot.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is most replayed.

Fuck.

I forget about how we've all grown to rely on that graph.

Yeah.

Yeah.

A beautiful innovation.

Yeah.

That little thumbnail that comes up to sort of let you know roughly what they're doing.

Be like, okay, I'm not into that.

I'm not into that.

I'm not into that.

Ah.

Come shot.

Fuck it.

You're like, oh.

Fuck it.

Let's see how it ends.

I need to see how it ends.

Well, we'll do the last two minutes of the next ball of videos and that sorted.

Pressing, skip, kissing, skip, Pussy eating skip.

Massage table set up skip.

No.

I'm in a hand job.

Skip.

Skip.

Skip.

Skip.

Skip.

A section that you weren't going to, and then you skip like four minutes and they still

in the same.

You're like, fuck.

They're really, really milking the fuck out of this hand job.

Jesus Christ.

Skip.

Thank you.

you my word yeah it's I think it's a net positive for us probably you know across

the board across the board I think it's good to even just down I was talking about it on

stage opening for kids because it happened while we're out I was like oh let's just talk

about it if I can and the it's a crazy how much of a deterrent it is to because the

cell because it's either ID or selfie right it's crazy how much of a deterrent it is

is to see yourself right before you were about to wake oh yeah big time it's crazy

to see because you catch the lady behind you on the bus like looking just like

knitting a scarf for a sick grandson okay it's a bad idea that's way but yeah that's

good but yeah no it's it's really jarring well just yeah because you have to see

yourself in the cold light of your iPhone yeah and also you get to see what your eyes

look like when you're about to check out yet too when you're in the process of glazing

over we're like yeah the the severancing into porn you

oh that's fucked see that I got to go dude that's why I feel like that's why it's it's

so it's so jarring you know the phrasing I call with your pants down it's so

jarring to see anyone's internet history like publicly and you're filled with

so much empathy and at the same time the feeling of knowing what they've been

watching still changes how you look at them oh yeah my wing that it's it'll

it'll change all of us the group work email still gets emails from Milf hookup

com from my old boss he was using his fucking group work email that's awesome

and he would say his net you have to beep it out but it would be like hey we're all waiting

for you Milf hookup dot com it's like this man was jacking off on the group working

that's awesome did we all go you but you all go oh he's into milk of eight like you

know what I mean like yeah he was an old man he was into milk so he just liked women

that looked like his age that's that's nice yeah yeah you have to justify it

while in between morning break muffins you're like yeah did you did you guys find

that while he was still working there no after he left that might have been a

great prank yeah that might have actually been a real or he actually did it

accidentally in sort of a seven beers in Kirby real this man was too well to

understand a digital prank yeah okay fair enough fair I don't think he's ever

ironically signed up for something I think it's I was an earnest sign up yeah

all they blocked his other account and he was like I've only got one other

account that I can think of yeah dude that's pretty yeah all right okay well I

take that back then well in that case you know you know that's always nice to

know that the old man is still into women that are only 20 years younger than you

know yeah no it's a but all in all yeah it's have you tried to go on a porn

page where they go it's they've become like lifestyle channels now yeah it's

really odd I don't like it the homepage of porn hub just being podcasts it's

podcast and like reaction videos this is sort of the thing I was trying to say I

think I said it to you or I said it on stage I think I said it on stage but

and it and it bomb never was like what are you talking about it was like a

podcast it was porn podcast so it's like they do a podcast then they fuck oh

yeah yeah I'm 22 has one of those I don't know who that is is that he's again

internet pill brothers are out of 22 used to be hip hop like commentary guy and

then he started dating a porn star I can't remember her name right now but they

started doing she had an only fans and then they started with their only fans

together and then part of their only fans was Adam 22's podcast but instead of

hip hop artists they would introduce other porn stars and then they'd have

three some pyramids game is that a pyramids game or is that communism

I do a section on the porn themed podcast I think it's communism yeah I guess

but that's provided everyone gets an equal share I think everyone would get an

equal share because all the only fans it's about ethical porn actually to be

fair actually I don't like to be fair it's probably actually neither I'm

probably just getting confused because of the manosphere and the documentary yeah

I'm like yeah hold on it might not be that actually might be a very egalitarian way

to do it Adam 22 by the way so he will always they basically have the same rule

as the ginger guy on the manosphere thing where it's like I get to fuck whoever

she only gets to fuck other girls right right his porn star wife and it's just

to think and then we have three sims with other other female porn stars it's

that's our rule that's our arrangement and then one day she was like I'm gonna

do a collab with Jason love you know Jason love I do not he's famous in the

BBC community right okay big BBC head huge BBC head and it was like this

internet controversy thing oh Adam 22 is gonna get cocked out fuck yeah and he

did he got cocked out she she fuck Jason love and everyone made fun of him

being a cock blah blah and so then he did a boxing match against at Jason

love oh yeah yeah yeah yeah and Jason love just beat the

fuck no the internet's a crazy place all the hell of your own making yeah man

Jesus getting cocked out and then having to do the culture beat the fuck out of you

as well on live like kick stream or whatever the fuck it was out of this world

crazy we're done brother that's like literally that's a horse of the apocalypse

yeah oh yeah yeah pretty sure there's also people be like oh he did it on

purpose for the money it's like who would do that yeah and if they did it was

the money how broken is your view of the world to be like no no no this little

drive huge use it's gonna be incredibly embarrassing yeah I mean it was one

thing to let her do that yes all for her to decide to do that it's a

completely other thing to be like now I'm gonna fight this guy with a big black

cock boy I sure hope the rest of his fall you know what I mean it's like

dude because what's I did what he's is that I'm trying to what yeah yeah it's

like man hmm he's gonna kill you brother it's crazy that he still lives so

embarrassing it was like Jason love put a fucking clinic on this guy dude it

just makes me it just makes me wish for the simpler times of jackass and the

doodson's and it was just like yet yeah yeah Steve I would be like best of

luck dude I fucking wouldn't do that even when I was high I wouldn't do that

man that's fucking crazy you mean that 10 liters of horse come yeah man it's

so that's so upsetting but that's why I'm like overall net positive because I

think less people are gonna be able to access and watch that shit yeah and now

it's sort of like yeah the moment you see an ID screen or the moment you're like

oh only fans like I'm not putting money down yeah I'm not putting money on my

face down right now yeah like yeah I'm I'll just I'll fuck it it's an overall

good thing I'll go get a sandwich and I think that's the thing you engage in

hobbies more brother pull up is going for a week and I've already said I think

I can attend this lessons yeah I know yeah I've started looking into arts

grand application I have a feeling we wasted our best years just jack it off

free reign I don't think we've wasted our best years because I don't think

they were our best years because we spent them jacking off free run our best

years we will deeply deeply know when our best years are behind us I think

it's when a Nigerian nurse is emptying our bed pain you think our best years

are gonna what lasts for 40 years no I just think that's when you know your best

years are behind you because up until about 55 you think you're working

potential I think across the board it's still up to you because everyone I

speak to this older they all have very varying opinions on each decade of

their life and every sad can I know says they're 20s with the best yeah it's

either high school 20s is the best yeah I think Salome is very encouraging and

these enemies I was like brother I'm 30 soon I fucking it's interesting I didn't

think I feel like feel anyway about it but I think I do it and he was like

brother 30s are your best years he's like 30s the best he's like well you know

what the fuck you're doing when you're 30 so and you probably have a little bit

more money like you're more certain in yourself so you know what you like and

what you don't like and you made a great case for these dude last two and a

half years have been the best years of my life yeah yeah by country mile that's

awesome I do feel like I am getting more comfortable as I get older which I

think is the desire yeah 100% like as I get older it's a lot less I'm filled

with a lot less shame yeah good I think there's that even down to my hair I

think there was like two years ago I'd be like hat all the time I just fucked up

and the last two weeks I just went on stage without a hat and I was like it felt

like this was my no bra movement I was like that's right I'm fucking weird

looking I have to admit when you let it grow out it's a very specific look it's

a look and there's a part of me I was there's a part of me it's like dude what

if you just didn't cut it like you just camp did go I kind of want to see

what happens you build Bailey this shit it is now that that's a weird it's a

weird look it's a weird look would be very fun but I'm enjoying it I've been

getting it's like it's a dish and now the shame is gone the shame is kind of

good and I'm like but I do think tonight I stand out I felt the show I felt

like I was like I think I'm gonna weird head I don't think that's what I don't

think that's what they thought but the longer it gets the more of a look it

is yeah yeah try to go for like a you know weird guy kind of guys try to go

for like a who the fuck is that do you know what it is it genuinely it's a

little bit of a juxtaposition between the way your head looks and the way you

dress yeah because I think it's like a fun like you dress very neat and very

fashionable simple but fashionable and then you have the you have a weird

you have a weird head yeah that's so mean

what you just I think I think sometimes on stage due to ads to you and the way

you express yourself so well and then tonight it looked pretty funny why you

were trying to justify incest so this guy can't talk about incest you think

no no that's not what I'm saying because it was more than that the crowd the

crowd to not were very very strange they're on odd crowd they're odd for

everyone am I weird looking do it am I too weird no no you're not I think you

handsome boy you can look at me in the eyes and say I think you handsome you

got broad shoulders you got a fun face you think it was a fuck what's a fun

face that that's a fun face it's the fucking cheeky eyes and the bold eye

brown but what's it I mean brother we need to Jesus Christ it's like a

fat a fun fun face are you listening to what I have to deal with you listen to

this I said his hands and twice I said yes cheeky eyes it's like I was watching

a couple of men this man brother I was watching surrounded today and it was

about like should fat people live or whatever and and one of the like fat

therapists gets well she's she's not fat but she's like for like she's like

a medical mental health professional with or something something that doesn't

require a degree yeah yeah and she's like she's debating the lady from

biggest loser what's her name carry swan American oh I don't know couldn't

tell you all the coach yes you would know I know he talked about I don't know

the name so she's the main debate yeah and she goes up the first claim is

being like being overweight leads to diseases or something like that right

that's my first claim yeah and the lady gets up the

perfect I don't even know what to call a treatment professional some shit right

okay get big no skinny lady goes I personally don't like to use the o-word

I don't like to say so for the rest of our engagement I will be saying fat

body and that's so much worse so fun face you can understand there's a way to

take it all right there's also another way to take it fat body it just feels in

the same family is fat body which is a craze to me when I saw dude holy fuck

watching everyone in the rest of the circle go hmm I think it was Michelle go what

the fuck cuz yeah that's it's almost like I'm not I'm not overweight I'm fat

body that's that's so much worse why you being mean to yourself yeah yeah hey

overweight's fine you can be because when you said the overword I thought you

meant obese yeah not overweight just you overweight you're overweight and

alter what even if even if it is obese the obese or fat body yeah it's just

been like this you know there's the idea of going like well it's not it's not

down syndrome he's got odd face it's like he's got it's got an odd face Alex

yeah handsome you got a beautiful smile you got nice cheeky eyes thank you

thank you relax I'm insecure cuz I bomb it stand out I know you're

insecure and they got ugly and listen to the words you saying yeah it's not

cuz okay look I'm gonna tell you this once and then we're gonna move on you

didn't eat it because you're ugly awesome that's okay that's not why you

eat it tonight you have no idea how often I need some of the say that to me it's

like the main thought I have something walking off be like they think I'm ugly I

get into an Uber like the hunchback of not you and I grunt all the time where

are we going today but I'm a bell tower we're going to the bell tower please

no man it's it's I do feel like there's nothing like stand up to make you

feel insecure about yourself despite the fact you get to choose what clothes you

wear and how you present yeah cuz I've realized that I have a shirt that I

wear on my suit I've been over I've been over-talking because I'm like if I

talk it into time I see my belly and I've seen too much footage of me in it

be like the shirt looks weird what does the shirt look weird and ratio was like

you need to talk it in more it's like it make you look like your gut is hanging

over your dick that doesn't make sense I guess yeah and I'm like oh and I

tucked in and like you can see my belly and she's like you have a belly it's

better than having a belly that hangs over your dick and I'm like oh yeah it's

fair point I guess I'll just have the belly it's crazy how much being on stage

makes you that the insecure has been like I'm over-talking like just just that

it's like oh my god just being the idea that like even on on tour me and

Kigel up without talking yeah both packed a button up shirt if we if either of us

felt confident he just he mentioned he was like just somewhere in the fucking

car he was like and I've brought a shirt I brought a button up like a nice

button I'm just I'm like try that on stage at some point and I was like I brought

a button up as well I'm you working up to it as well yeah

you're gonna get the button up I brought a button up I was gonna do it on

the last night and then I was like you know what I don't think it's you

because the vibe for the button up I think I made the right choice you

probably made the right I should have done that in Waga those people would be

confused about why your fucking shirt has fucking buttons running down yeah

yeah yeah yeah coming up to you trying to press sorry I was trying to look for

the other word the buttons like the electronic that is what button up shirts

that's the same but that's the same word it's the same word across the board it's

a button well either way it's a perfect metaphor I thought by the end of that

sentence I would have found an alternating word for button and the best where

you start talking usually you catch yourself there a time you're like oh no

no one just don't when just all came out that's just yeah that's awesome yeah

a button up night never came I'm still working up to it I would like to reinvent

my style at some point soon should we acquire I I think we might have to do a

quick look those shoes at the beginning of the new start huh I think they go

with a lot in sort of like a 90s kind of way you know I think the 90s kind of

way I'm like that is sort of button ups you know what I mean Lucie fitting

pants maybe that's a good yeah nice I need something else because I have been

dressing the exact same and it was pointed out to me on several occasions

last two weeks oh yeah I'm like I do dress the exact same every day yeah and

it started I think it's starting to I need a little bit of George okay it's

just time baby I would like to feel cute again let's do it let's do a

query because I need a new our wardrobe I need a couple of new outfits so we

query each other yes I had a moment while I was you're gonna hate this

but trust me it looked fucking sick I was Michelle and I went for dinner with

Mike Crowley and Georgie said tonight and I thought it would be really fun

why not I message Mike because he's a silly boy I'm like hey brother let's

wear matching outfits and not tell the ladies I'm like yeah that sounds great so

we said a lot of matching outfit um Mike lead so we went brown pants white shirt

blue necker chief never wore a necker chief before necker chiefs

interesting yeah so I went out turns out I don't know what the fucking

necker chief is about a scarf so I bought like I brought like a I brought like a

ladies silk scarf from H&M cuz I was like cuz I was like it's the thing that

goes around your neck and she's like a scarf like no it's smaller because at

this point he was like get like a I was trying to figure it out and then I bought

pants brown corduroy pants beautiful brown pants nice and then I bought this

scarf and then I couldn't I spent a fucking hour trying to figure out how to

tie it on YouTube couldn't make a work it's too long it's too big it's too

fluffy it's too silky yeah and then so I just sort of turn it into a weird

cravat mm-hmm and then I was looking at myself in the mirror in a nice white

shirt with a high collar and a fucking dark blue and brown cravat with brown

pants and black brooks and I'm like oh I like this and Misha looked at it

was she went oh I like this and I want an idea put my piggy blind his cap on

she was like no no no you look like a costume I like okay I'm sorry I don't

just the whole time I say you're sorry oh no and I was just sitting there the

whole time and eventually I forgot I was wearing it but for the most part of

the stout I was like I'm wearing it I could chief everyone can tell I'm

working I could chief yeah yeah well look it's a bold statement but I don't

actually hate it yeah I was I don't hate it I like the idea I'm appreciating bold

moves mm-hmm yes so am I that like that's good I look I'm definitely not in that

good chief what's that I think you get more adventurous the closer to your head

you go I'll get more adventurous closer to my feet let's get you some wacky

pants yeah I might do cargo I like the idea of just rocking army cargo pants

yeah nice like three-quartered John Cena style lad let's go to a fucking army

surplus store oh yeah what do they have there dude all of that shit I was joking

oh well you're out of your mind brother no no you'd pull it off with your fun face

and you can't go army pants I would think I should wear cargo army pants

set of three quarters cool be crazy you will get your nice pair of loafers

lazeless okay my white socks that's interesting tank top so so basically Hitler

at the pool yeah I'm into that Hitler in Argentina oh describe my vibes

gay Hitler at the pool I'm kind of are you guys down for a bit of

volleyball yeah kind of vibe thing going on right down the nowhere ahead the

peaky blind I love the idea be like I got it the peaky blinders that let that

thing rest is it's done work I know I know I know I know I know I'll tell you

what it's a bit about to see the movie so maybe that vibe comes back into

fashion maybe but I was looking at the outfit with the hat and this the silk

crevade and the like quarter-roy's baggy like tapered quarter-roy's made my

butt look real good and I was like dude honestly in about 15 years I'm gonna

out of walking cane to this and it's all gonna make a lot more sense that's not

bad although I do think we should all as 25 to like 35-year-old men or have a

joint day of like a mass grave where we throw a peaky blinders that's it to a

big hole together and we just say goodbye to it we go we all did it we all

thought we were gonna pull it off we all have a cigarette now let's all

side together yeah I almost had fucking everything goodbye forever my

peaky blinders had we all got girlfriends and they all hated it there's just no

applicable use for it in this country now man that's the thing the moment I go

back to the UK that my fuck is coming back on it suits me like a duck suit

a duck curry you got it so I'm like the the moment it starts snowing that goes on

the rest of the outfit doesn't make me look like a picky blinder I guess in the

UK people actually wear the paper wear it so it's just all yeah that guys

wearing a commonly acceptable hat yeah and it's cold it's functional yeah

whereas here it's like you better be playing cricket like it has to be the big

old Puffy one yeah that's it otherwise why the fuck you wearing like a gray

peaky blind is that you're a Baba that's the vibe now yeah you're a Baba dude

yeah the moment you look down you don't see a curly mustache it doesn't make

sense no you're like what are we doing that counts about the charge you $60 for a

haircut it's okay because you get the worst penalty of a head with no time

on space to drink it either he's cutting your hand don't move your head great

now you're tipsy on the drive home yeah sweet okay great you don't want to be

how about a hot coffee while a guy moves around you with a knife is it funny to

just keep asking for pae let's get ripped at the barbershop I did that oh yeah

the well once when cafe worked out in Brisbane had a barbershop right next

door to it it was owned by a guy called I want to say pae but I don't think it

was very French very French guy big long beard and he served beers for a lot

while because we went harvies on a liquor license because the building was

owned by the one person so we just got it for the whole business and yeah I

think I had four payalows with them while I cut my hair and did my beard it's

awesome and no it was you know it was a real pain in the ass oh yeah I had four

cuz I had to keep chugging them every time we went to rinse the scissors do you

think it's a funny sketch to be the the people in whatever government

office it is going like figuring out what to ban and calling in the guy that

just knows all the websites oh yeah fair enough yeah that is funny is it

if I just or not even just knows all the websites but like just being like okay

which one should we be in it's no one's I don't know

you know we all know we all know we all know we all know so we all know

it's gone it's gone easy surely that's all of it right and someone's like I

think the food of an X videos X that's why I took three days because I will be

like oh what about X videos like oh that's right you don't know why it took so

long because there was one guy in the board who was like which one should we

ban and there goes you know all the regular ones are milkplay dot com piss on

my fist dot all the fucking the back of my truck

midgets onto a piece is giving blow to all the usual standing ones that we

all do right with faces with come on them dot com foot fucking a foot

flashlight all of them we all know these regular porn websites that we all know

and enjoy yeah yeah oh we should probably be in ladies over a hundred oh another

one fuck to death dot com and that one's right

yeah that's good work yeah I think that's a fun sketch that will again we'll

never do because we have to do it this week yeah yeah we need to be in the

next 10 days absolutely max oh unless you do it as a retrospective

true unless you sort of like you make it funny where it's like you make the

noise of a fast uh fax machine and you go early 2026 and you pull it into the

border that's fun comes timepiece because they know oh we should probably

been read it and be like the thing that has the recipes on it and be like you're

right that's right it's totally fine why should we why should we been read it

yeah what about red gif yeah I don't even know what that is oh it's like it's like

a tick tock for points like you can sort of just keep scrolling and then

the guys like we need to pretend he's not he's he's he's guys he's ruining this yeah

but it's crazy that you would have go through at least like the first four pages

yeah you know what I mean being like this one then this one just go it's

but there's no way that every weps we've already found them there's no way that you can

band every website no no it's not possible I think there's like and also the idea that like

only fans are still I guess only fans you do have to be able to you know but which you

should still have to show an ID I guess the other bank card yeah you still need to do the bank

card the verification if I can we did it we made it to the end congratulations um sorry we were away

Alex was on tour uh but the patreon got three bonus episodes uh actually four I think during

that time so you know where that's at gang and also we have a show coming up at the Sydney

company festival small claims court that will be announced probably just before this is released

that's right go get give them to go get some go on all right much a lot of time see you gang

hey everybody do you love extra content well this week patreon bonus episodes includes

Alex and I's varying opinions on into the manuscript with Louis Thurough uh Alex's comprehensive

review of the Ned Kelly Museum at Glenn Rowan while on tour with Luke Kigel and uh my first game

quote unquote competitive footy in eight months it's all there where you can sign up to the greatest

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