Butter Butt with MOLLY KEARNEY

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My mom was like, I had to adjust Molly's neck and head and arm like an antenna to get

them to shut the hell up.

I mean, I want to see O'Merry with my blood bags and I feel like I should let Cole

know that one day.

He's like, don't worry.

It'll be a little scar, but it'll go in the cruises of your neck.

I feel like I'm sitting on a bag of nails in fiction.

Hello, staff and fashion listeners.

This is plugged into absolutely nothing.

I'm faking it because I'm using a different mic.

Anyways, it's me, Stephanie Lynn Tollev, just telling you that I'm coming to our

Australia real soon and I'll tell you what, I'm sorry, Columbus, Ohio.

We had to move the dates for something very important to me.

So the amount of hateful, very hateful, very angry messages.

I'm sorry.

Sometimes things come up and plans change.

You will get a full refund if you can't come to the October date and I'm sorry.

So please stop sending me hateful comments because it's not nice.

It's really not nice.

It's mostly from women.

Anyways, Australia boy oh boy, am I excited.

I'll be in Melbourne so soon.

So goddamn soon, March 27, 29th, and guess what, the Saturday shows already sold out.

So hate the pregnancy in Melbourne, get those gosh darn tickets, the Fridays getting close

to sold out, Sunday is a few tickets left.

And by few mean a lot, but still, Brisbane, you're about to sell out.

So if you haven't got your tickets for March 31st, get those literally right now because

is that's about to sell out.

Sydney early shows sold out the first,

the second, there's some tickets left,

but just get your tickets.

Again, if you don't know anybody in Australia,

or you're not there, tell anyone

you've ever heard them move there.

Tell them to see me with the heck.

Then when I get back,

I will be at the Grammar City Theater in New York City

on April 10th.

Please, for the crying in the mud.

Let me sell these out.

Boston, April 11th and sold out April 12th.

There are some tickets left.

Get those now, the Wilbur Theater.

Get those tickets.

Come on, Boston.

I know you like me.

Then I will be in Omaha, April 17th,

18th, the funny bone,

La Jolla Comedy Store, San Diego,

April 24th, 25th, 26th.

Get those tickets.

They're going quickly.

Minneapolis, you snooze, you lose, sold out, maybe.

Then Netflix's joke festival, May 5th get ticked.

I just spent the biggest chunk of something

that was not spent that was skin.

I don't know what that was, but that was huge.

I'm starving.

I needed that May 5th.

Trubidor, 9.30pm.

Get those tickets now,

because again, Los Angeles, I do not do my hour.

You don't see my hour.

You see me mucking around on stage, yelling at men.

Come see me do a full hour.

Then May 9th,

filled with the Comedy Store,

which will be a crowd work only show.

So it's not stuff you've seen me do.

It's all Jefferson and the Keys.

We bring up big guests.

Can't tell you who they are yet,

but one rhymes with Schmarrick Schmondre.

So I think you're going to like him.

Portland, May 14th to 16th.

Those are almost sold out.

And then I'll be in Atlanta, June 11th, 12th, 13th,

Lexington, Kentucky on the 14th of June.

And then very soon, very soon,

I have a large announcement coming up.

There will be some new candidate,

some very big candidates coming up.

Some of you have been yelling at me.

If you're not coming to certain places, I'm coming.

I'm coming there.

Please sign up, punchup.live.

Slash, theft, hold up.

So you get ticket updates.

So you don't fucking miss my shit.

Please God.

And again, Columbus, I'm sorry.

I will be there April 2nd and 3rd.

So wait for that.

If not, get your money back here.

Not the end of the world, people.

Thank you so much for listening to podcasts.

Please like it, share it, tell people about it.

Comments on the Spotify, comments on the Apple.

Give me a little review.

We don't hate a review.

Enjoy Molly.

Molly Kearney's here.

How are you?

Hey, Karnie, starting the podcast, I should have literally.

You know what?

I always ask, and I got, I got smog.

I shouldn't be better about it.

No, I got smog.

Oh, wait, what's going on here?

I got smog.

I got smog.

I got smog.

I did, I got smog.

Molly, Karnie.

I'm so impressed.

OK, make sure it's working.

I got smog.

Because also my name told of, people can't say that.

Yeah, what do they say?

What do they say?

Tala.

Tala.

Tala seems very American.

I think Karnie.

Karnie.

I just said Karnie.

I just said Karnie.

Like Karnie, but it's spelled like Karnie, so I understand.

No disrespect.

Well, I should have asked.

I'm a professional.

And you're professional.

And I have to tell you that I went out for the same role

that you did.

Oh, my God.

For, was it welcome to flatch?

No, for DMV, the baseball one.

Oh, look at their own.

These are own.

Oh, my God.

I'm going to be honest with you.

I got so mad when I didn't get it.

And then I saw you got it and I went, I didn't get it.

I think you wouldn't think you own.

I have a little, like, one, I'm in one episode.

I didn't get that lead role either.

OK, we went over to the same one though, didn't we?

Joe.

Yes, I thought, because I saw that you post that you got

either all, and I was like, I mean, whatever.

No, but you're in it.

I got, yeah, I got a little part, like, two years later.

OK, OK, because I was like, no, you're, I'm telling you,

it's only because I was like, did you want me dead?

No, no, I saw it with you and it went fair.

Like, sometimes you see what?

Because I don't even see me like get it and you get fucking pissed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, Lisa, Gilroy, I don't care.

I'll say it.

There's a fucking role and on this metal movie,

Wizard of the Metal show, the metal something,

heavy metal something.

Oh, you know what I'm fucking saying?

I'm so bad with fucking twisted metal.

Oh, twisted fucking metal.

The role was ugly woman.

Ugly woman, funny, nasty looking, Lisa Gilroy books it,

hottest woman alive.

She is.

Unmusical.

And they had to make her look ugly.

They put black in her teeth.

Yes, excuse me.

I lost my fucking mind when I didn't get that role.

Because that's the kind of thing that pisses me off.

I go, hey, guess what?

No process needed.

Wait, but you know, you did get that I didn't get.

What, that I wanted.

I know you're going to say barb on tires.

Yeah.

But I got barb on DMVs.

I know that.

I think I ran for that too.

No, but it makes so much sense for you.

We are barb.

Yeah, we have such a barb.

And I know what it's an honor.

It's an honor to have friendly competition with you.

I mean, no, no, and I think, oh, it's not competition.

No, not the same.

But I think no, but in Hollywood, we are the same.

Yeah, we have a masculine energy and voice.

Deep voice.

This is all it is.

And we're funny.

And we come from like a sketch and probably stay in a background.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So we are the same.

And we're not like, you know, Lisa Gilroy.

So it goes, Lisa Gilroy us and then.

And who else do I always?

Well, when I see a friend get like the same audition for me

and like, we kind of like help each other do auditions,

I'm like, oh, okay.

So like, they're going to go with like your type.

Yeah, but they're going to go with my type.

It's a very big, very specific.

Yeah, and if they don't go my way, I'm like, oh,

they just weren't looking for me.

No, yeah, I'm like close and I go,

oh, I'll try that next time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's somewhere I'm like, oh, I didn't try at all.

You know what?

I'll never get over.

I'm so fucking mad at myself.

Jerry Doodie.

Oh, which for the for the original one?

I just half-ass the audition and I sent it

and I'm like, whatever, not funny at all.

And I was like, oh, I should have just tried

to lead a fucking harder on that one.

Not like I would have gotten it, but like,

there's another one now.

How do you feel?

How do you feel when you get like an audition

in your inbox?

In your inbox.

In your inbox.

Oh, I love it.

I thought I'd want.

Right, same, but like, I get excited

and then there's this doom that comes upon me.

What?

Where I go, I go, I'm not going to get the same.

Well, you have to think that.

What's the point?

I'm going into all of them, though.

Every single one.

Yes, because I just do it on the day

and this is when I know it's bad when I sent it

and I got no reply, like, got it and I had to go,

hey, hey, did you guys get it?

Yep, got it.

No notes.

It was for like a spy thing.

I'm not getting it.

I had to, like, no one on that job.

Trust me.

I couldn't even re-watch the day by sent in.

Oh, okay.

When you're like, I'm like, I'm not booking this.

You know, I will say the barbed thing.

That's the only thing I thought I was going to get

because I had a meeting with Netflix beforehand.

Oh, the tires part.

The tires part and they go, we have a role

that we think you'd be really good and I think they always say

that so I was like, whatever.

Right.

But then when I read the part and I was like,

and my audition was crazy.

I waited.

Oh, I bet you not.

I bet you were.

When I heard you were up for it, I was like,

oh, yeah, this is all stuff.

Like, this is perfect.

It's very, I wasn't, how did you have, did you have fun?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Was it Austin?

No, it was Philly, Westchester and Philly.

Oh, it's all I've done.

And I'm like, I just want to act.

Do you love acting?

Love it.

I love it.

So when does DMV come out?

DMV's been out, but they have a six, they had a six week break

like over the football playoff season because it's CBS.

So we're back on Monday nights at 830 Paramount Plus.

That's great.

It's, I feel like the luckiest person in the world.

Because stop, are you loving it?

I've had it.

I've never had so much fun on a job in my life.

It's so nice.

Could you improvise yourself?

They, not so much, but like they trust us.

They're like, well, you can try your way.

OK, it depends on the director.

It depends on the storyline.

Because sometimes you have to stick with the storyline.

Like in, like, as much as I can, there's like a manager.

So I have to kind of say logistics in some of my lines.

Right.

You can't just go crazy off-board.

Right, right.

I mean, we have a boss.

We got to go this way, and you're going up in the sky.

But are you in every episode?

Yeah, I remember episode, when we did 20.

Oh my god.

Yeah, we filmed in Montreal.

Oh, fuck.

It was awesome.

I'm Canadian.

I know.

You're not.

Toronto, though, but outside of Toronto.

Wait, so what, tell me where you were shooting me?

Tell me where you were shooting me.

We filmed from July to December.

So I got every season.

You got every season.

It gets cold.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I'm from the Great Lakes, like Cleveland.

So I get that cold, tundra-ish.

You know that.

But not Montreal is another level.

No other level.

How, how do you like the French speakers?

I'm, I will, you know, smug as fuck, huh?

It was, it was tough to keep up.

Because like the whole cruise local, and they were so awesome.

And they do work on so many projects, so they're like a well oil

machine, and the six of us come in.

We got like so many from New Zealand, so many from Australia.

We got an LA Detroit, like New York.

So we're like, what are you doing?

And what are you guys saying?

Oh, yeah.

And then we're kind of like wrong doing go over apps or like beeping off

like throughout the day.

Did you learn any French?

No, we, I know like heavy, I don't know like some like,

I know how to say like see you tomorrow.

Okay, I was like, I was, I was, I was, I had to

know it's a nice blanket in statement.

Yeah, yeah, see you tomorrow.

We we, but it was cool, but it was also like a culture shock,

like go into a cafe and like, both are high.

And then they'll be like, blows with them.

I like, no, here's the thing.

I have a lot there.

They know exactly what you're saying.

I'm sorry.

No, no, the Montreal French.

And I'll say it.

I'll be the one to say it as a Canadian.

They're fucking stuck up and they're rude.

And no, they know we know it's English.

What I've been going there since I was 16 years old.

They know damn well how to say hi.

And if you would a latte, they had to go, they know latte.

It is quite, uh, you're too nice right now.

I'll say it.

As if it was like, we've gone up.

Oh, I've gone down.

I'm up.

I go, I, I, like being, uh, not familiar space.

I, no, but you're nice.

You seem to be a nice person to me.

Hey, thank you.

I just like get too anxious.

I'm like, I, just posting a photo of myself.

I'm like, I'll think about it for a couple days.

Oh, you know, you know, I don't say I look up to your,

your, your skills.

It's, I mean, called mental illness.

I wouldn't say skills.

I say mental is made this that I'm impressed.

You know, let me close the door.

Okay, because that's crazy.

That's the same.

Oh, whoa, that's really changed the noise.

Oh, yeah.

Wow, the LA life is just so much more like,

jerryous than the, the LA, the sound of that fucking leaf

blower.

And that'll be the enemy.

That's the enemy.

That's, I'm going to lose it.

Yeah.

It's so, and this is actually a good time for the start.

3 p.m.

Normally it starts at 751.

And I'm like, oh, I've never had this.

I didn't think you did.

You, I was, I thought you said orange.

No, no, no, orange vanilla.

Oh, this is delightful.

I know.

Oh, you're gonna be the last one.

I'm gonna blush.

I told you.

You looked hesitant.

I was like, you need to have it.

Oh, yeah.

I'm like, Polar Pops are also making.

Can Polar fucking sponsor me?

Can I get a single sponsor?

The way I, I've gotten some people on this exactly over too.

With the orange vanilla, it's so good.

It's cool.

It's good.

I'm trying to drink this to wake up.

Do you drink?

I do fiddle with it here and there.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Not a full drinker.

You know what?

Have you ever had June Shine?

It's like the alcohol.

Yes.

So one time I just had, they were so good.

And I was at this June Shine event.

A couple of years ago and I was like,

they're so fucking good.

And then like, I had like five of them throughout the night.

I was having the night off, you know?

And then next morning I was like, oh my God,

there's like a girl, like I thought there was like

an ecosystem.

Oh, yeah.

That's happening.

So I had to take a step in.

That's a lot of what's in there that's doing that to your stomach.

That's a lot of shit going on.

I don't know, but it's brewing.

Yeah, no, it is.

You were probably brewing a new flavor for people to take your stomach.

There was a, but I really like it.

Really?

They haven't been here in two weeks.

I said the fucking window.

I can't believe this.

We're gonna see Little Man's head peeking the window in a second.

I mean, seeing the sun, like my mental health,

this guy rocked it the best, 48 hours, so.

Because it was the weather in Montreal.

It's nice in the summer and then it gets cold.

Nice in the summer and then the winter terrible

and then going to New York,

we've had two snowstorms in the back.

Oh, the storm.

I just saw the last one.

I like dug out my car before I got on the plane.

No.

Yeah.

You drive to the airport?

No, no.

I just dug it out because I was like,

might as well do it now before.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm bouncing.

Maybe because I bought a car when I was living here and then.

You drove it from here across?

Well, my parents did because I love my mommy and daddy.

Oh, my, they, I don't ever say that I'm just joking.

Oh, my God, they're like, so nice.

They actually did it to LA from Chicago for me without me.

And then to New York.

And where the fuck are you?

I was, well, I had to go to Estinelle

and I was like having like a little, like, I need to be there.

Well, yeah, no kidding.

Going to Chicago, I don't know.

I was probably depressed.

That's, yeah, okay.

That's because that's a drive.

Yeah, yeah.

And they love their little adventures.

I mean, it's a nice thing to do together.

Yeah, there they are.

My dad offered to do by himself.

Well, you're not doing that.

Did you do it with him or you?

No, I had it by myself.

No, I had friends.

I had friends.

I got friends.

You can't do it yourself.

Did you go to Toronto to?

I've done twice now Toronto here, Toronto here.

And my boyfriend's, his car was in New York.

So we drove from Philly.

He picked me up in Philly, we drove from Philly here.

That's a way to bond with, oh wait, I've done it with,

my ex-girlfriend, we did it from Philly to, exactly.

We're here, Philly to here?

Yeah, we bought her a car and we drove straight to,

it's a big drive.

And she had COVID the entire way.

Oh, no.

And I was like, whatever, honey, I don't care if I get it.

I didn't get it.

You didn't get it.

Trapped in this car in the wind.

Mask, mask?

No.

I was like, fuck it, I'm going to get it.

Oh, shit.

I've never had it.

Neither of I.

What's your blood type?

I don't know.

We be, be plus.

I might be, me and me.

I'm convinced it's blood type.

I'd be coming like a vaccine because I don't get it.

Yeah, you won't talk shit about Joe Rogan,

but you're like, no vaccines for me.

No, I worked at the vaccine site.

Did you understand him?

Oh, shit.

So I like really have been around it.

You were on the ground floor.

And I got tested every day at SNL.

And I got tested every day at the vaccine site.

So I really have been tested.

I've never got it.

Blow in that corner for a while.

So maybe I'm, have you seen the show, Pluribus?

Yes.

I would never, I would not be turned.

I think I would live in so would you.

You think we would?

Yes.

I know.

I know what I wouldn't do.

I wouldn't do well.

No, no, no, no.

I would mentally probably think.

Well, okay.

Can you do it?

If you haven't seen Pluribus watch it, it's very good.

But it's, I got me.

I'm still seeing.

Very dystopian.

Or like, I don't know.

Okay, what do you think your reaction would be if that happened?

If everyone went kind of row body and there's only eight of you, what would you do?

Okay.

Well, I would mourn first.

Yes.

And then I would get a really cool car.

I would get my favorite meals.

Okay.

And probably blow myself up.

Yeah, I think I'm close to that.

Or try to, the one thing that I think would alter my decision is like the language barrier

would not be helpful for trying to.

No, no, to get everyone on the right side.

Yeah.

She gave me a little hot, though.

Yeah, I mean, she gave me two hots.

She was incredible.

You need to come in a little bit.

She's like, what the fuck are you saying?

I was like, do you know what I recognized her from?

She was a mean lady in Lana dress for you.

Wow.

I'm actually just back into that show.

It's all I watch and talk about.

I have just hopped back in like the past two weeks, it's just all I can watch.

Where'd you start?

I actually started on season nine.

First episode was Cynthia from 6th, the city was a multiple personality.

Oh, we personally.

That's a good one.

She's like, she's like, yeah, she keeps telling the baby to shoot.

That's crazy.

Trying to scrub off her being a dirty little slut.

That's the way it was.

That's like crazy.

You gotta go back to season one.

I know.

It got to start from the top.

I have trouble with like the camera, like the bed.

I love the camera.

That's the best part.

It's like, gritty, it looks real.

I did three start or I did watch from the first season was six feet under.

I got to do that.

You would enjoy it if you were like, that's for you in that time.

I just did.

She was a brand new to the first time.

Oh my God, I did that in COVID.

What, what year am I waiting?

Did you have a wonderful time at a great time?

Were you like kind of talking, what's your boyfriend's name?

Jefferson.

Were you like, don't look at me like that, like I kind of like transformed into the character

because I was like, I have been living in this apartment and watching, doing puzzles

and watching sprannos for hours on end, like I'm, I'm like eating meats.

Oh, you're eating meat?

Oh, I was like, we were, oh yeah, we got, we had a lot of charcuterie during that.

I got, I got really the fucking, um, fucking Paulie, I was trying to do his fucking, it was

fucking this, fucking that, and then I got really into the, the Tony's mom.

Yeah.

Oh my God.

Incredible.

Just that.

No.

Stop.

Most annoying character on the planet.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

That the whole time, I'm like, I could, I could live the job.

Did you wrap it up?

Did you finish it?

Oh yeah.

Really?

I don't care.

We can talk about the ending.

I somehow never knew the spoiler.

I didn't eat it.

What is it?

I hate it.

Like it's just, the screen goes lock.

There you go.

Spoiler.

So, do you think they did that because like, maybe they're going to do another, something

or other?

They probably did that because they wanted to be open-ended.

Yeah.

And like, choose your own inventory.

I hate that.

Give me the ending.

That's why I, this is my thing with a lot of order.

It wraps up every fucking episode.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I need the conclusion.

I need that.

Yes.

I need it to end.

I need to go to bed.

It was literally on before you got here.

That I love.

I was sick in that heavily.

Can you not do this thing?

I bought her a sloth because she has a little lump on her leg that she has.

You have to get tested yesterday.

Oh.

Speaking of body things, because the podcast is about you.

Oh, yeah.

I got some body stuff here.

But I had to suck out.

They checked the tumor, because I thought it was cancerous, but they said it's...

But I didn't.

Well, not 100% yet.

That's very accurate.

She's like, girl, don't say that it's been earned.

We're not sure yet.

No, it's called a plasma cell tumor, which is, they say it's like 99% benign, but they

can't say it until they remove it off and send it in.

That's what they did to this.

So I was going to mention the bandaid on your neck, but you know, you don't want to always...

Then I got a mole removed on my back shoulder, you know?

How big we talking.

Oh, kind of actually quite little.

Like the size of one of these little circles.

Oh, that's really small.

Maybe a little bigger.

Raised?

Yeah.

Raised, and I would pick the little hairs out of it when I was nervous.

And then I'd catch myself in the back of like stand-up shows on, I'd be like, I don't

like that's disgusting.

I need to knock it off.

And then I finally went to the dermatologist for the first time.

Like I went to it, duh, duh, duh, this past month I went to every doctor.

Okay.

Did you do a full body scan?

Oh, yeah.

And he's like, oh, you got one on your back, like I'm like, yeah, I know Dennis, I don't

know his name.

But I know my body, no, but everything is clear, but he's like, yeah, we can remove it

and test it.

So what's the lab?

Do you want to hear something that's going to, you're not going to know this.

I bet you didn't tell you this.

The hair's going to keep growing.

No, I asked.

He's a fucking liar.

I had him all right here, got bit off by a man, it's a whole other story I've said it

before.

I had to search a little bit when I tell you it's disgusting.

I had to search and remove it before you got here today.

I tweaked the hair out.

Shut.

It's up.

Not going to go away.

You are really pissing me off.

Wait, it hasn't stopped growing.

Okay.

Like, coarse hair.

But also how gross are they the fucking weasel their way through the mold?

Get a grip.

You just get a life with your problem hair.

Oh, I'm telling you right now, the course isn't going away.

It's the same three black, the course hairs that's coming out.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry if you thought that getting a bit light, it was like a light

mole, like this one's darker.

Well, actually, no, it's probably the same.

No, it's, but like, I'm sorry, did they punch it?

Like did they whole punch it out the mole?

No.

I'm not going to waste it.

Well, because I may have been it, so it was dangling.

What?

Look at that.

Look at that.

It's crazy.

Hold on.

Sorry.

It was like, but, well, maybe, and you think this lacing, yeah, I think because they, for

me, they did like a little hole punch and then they stitched it, did forced it to three

stitches.

All they did.

Yeah.

Oh.

Three here and he said, and I don't know if this is a compliment or, yeah, well, that's

not a good name.

I don't recall it.

Sorry, but, like, I don't know if he was giving me a compliment or trying to make you feel

better.

But I'm just like, don't worry.

This, it'll be a little scar, but it'll go in the creases of your neck.

Dennis.

That's so rude.

Oh, great, great, great.

And then I was walking home and I was like, creases of my neck.

That's so rude.

Oh.

You were like, I was like, okay, I'm like, I have smile lines and I know that I had neck

creases.

Yeah.

Doctors really say what I want.

That's tough.

I had a butt cut and anal fissure for so long.

It was so bad that when I went, I got both of my ass, the whole thing.

I'm not getting away because I was at every set of four, but the woman opened my ass,

looking at my butt cut.

She went, oh, that's a big guy.

No.

Yes.

Wait, what's the doctor you called that you want?

Did you go to a GI doctor?

Did you go to a special anist doctor?

That's what I have to go to.

You have a butt cut?

Not a cut.

But I have a hemorrhage.

Oh, yeah, you're fox.

We call her Henry.

I call my glen.

Glens back.

Oh, yeah.

Would you get a roof?

Tell her to have worries.

There's a point.

It comes back.

This is the hemorrhage.

No, this is the hemorrhage podcast.

You have a hemorrhage question.

You go to me.

Yeah.

I've had a hemorrhage.

That's going to be.

I'm 41.

I'm telling you right now.

Go ahead, go ahead.

That's going.

Hey, guess what?

Got a couple right now.

See, they don't hurt me.

Oh, the inside?

No.

The outside.

Like, there's just one little guy.

Oh, then who cares?

One.

It's deflated, or is it like full-fledged?

It's like kind of not, it's not like-

Stop bleeding?

No.

Hey, well, who cares?

But I can do about it.

You know, then I had like a little rash around my butt.

Mm-hmm.

And I had to handle that.

And that's been really tough.

I was on a vacation of 30 of my cousins, and I had a-

We were on like this hike in Puerto Rico, and I was like, we were sweating, and I was like,

I- and luckily I was with my aunt, who was my primary care doctor, and my mom was in

Yarnerson.

And I was like, hey, Marylana, mom, I'm like, I can't walk.

My butt is just so bad that I feel it in the top of my head and the bottom of my toes.

I was like, I can't walk.

I started crying.

I was like, my butt is just-

What did they give you?

They- we went to a pharmacy.

We went to a random pharmacy in San Juan, got like this over the counter.

Like itch cream, and it worked, it worked, it worked, but it's stung.

And then I was like, I feel like I'm sitting on a bag of nails.

What about, um, I don't know why I have to do that at the same time, coconut oil?

Oh yeah, that, yeah, I've done witch hazel.

Witch hazel.

Oh, you didn't touch?

What's-

Oh yeah.

Tuck pads.

That was my-

Yeah.

That was my first time.

Do you wanna know the only thing that-

I'm telling you right now, you're-

You're talking to the right person by hand right now.

And I was like, maybe I just needed to come do a consult.

My friends literally asked me, they sent me photos of the asshole.

I'm the asshole doctor over here.

Um, fiber.

How much fiber are you having?

Oh, I haven't met him so every morning.

So do I.

What do you do though?

I'm doing the gummies.

I love the gummies.

I don't do the gummies.

Oh no, I do six.

I'm up to eight gummies.

I- I didn't have them for a week, and my- my hand right came back.

Okay, right now.

I'm back.

I had- it was gone for so long.

I got smug.

Also, who's senior ass?

I'm not known to see my asshole.

Oh, well, my- my girlfriend likes it that day.

Like a picture of it to send to my mom and my aunt.

And then my mom-

Really?

It was the day after New Year's, right?

Hungover?

And my- yeah, my mom calls me and she- I go- before I send to picture, I go, hey, mom,

like, I just have like some- some really going wrong on with my butt, and, uh, he really

looked at it and like, uh, she's really scared, and I think I have a butt cancer, like

something really terrible is happening, and I was like, okay, she's not happy New Year.

And I said, I'm saying a picture of my ass, and she goes, okay, all right, just send

it to-

And I sent it to her, and then we- boys met- we facetimeed in- or whatever, and then-

My girlfriend goes, well, yeah, Margaret, I'm just a little- she's an awesome artist.

Okay.

Not a no- matter-cool.

Probably never seen him right before, too.

No, no.

And then she goes, oh, yeah, Margaret, it kind of looks like, um, it kind of looks like, um,

a clitoris, and then mom goes, huh, yeah, it kind of does, and I go, okay, we're done

here.

I'm gonna just, uh, just go to see if you guys can get some cream, and I'm like, happy

2026.

The cream doesn't work, what, the, uh, prevention age?

No.

Suck my ass.

Yeah, that's what it is.

Put it on the lollipop.

No, it's done in the little butter sticks.

Yeah.

Put it up there, it slips right out.

Oh my god.

Those butter sticks.

What was that about?

I- I dare you in keeping your asshole.

What?

It's like a kegel back there.

I think it swaps through, it shoots right back out, and then they keep, and it's, there's

melting like butter.

Yeah, butter fingers.

Yeah.

And your butter finger.

That is so funny.

I like, it's so gross.

Oh, yeah.

It doesn't work at all.

At all.

No.

You have to get, like, a prescribed one from a doctor, a special one that's got, like,

um, anti-inflammatory in the whole thing.

Now I'm on the ups.

So once you really uptake the fiber, yeah.

And you know what's, this is what no one tells you, uh, also, please, please, you think it's

from pushing and straining since we're that diarrhea.

Oh, yeah.

100%.

I didn't know.

I thought I was like, I, I have diarrhea in my whole life.

It makes no sense.

I just don't know.

Yeah.

It's nervous.

It's because it's, it's also like you're, my nerves always make me like sick in my stomach.

Oh, you're really?

Well, yeah.

When I was like a kid, I had to get like a, uh, uh, tube to look at my stomach because

I thought there was like something going on with my stomach, but it was anxiety.

Oh, fuck.

So I went to a therapist when I was in like, first grade, anxiety, you just so, like,

yeah, my mom and I now, because we've done our research and like studied my past more

convinced that it was because I was, I was gay and I didn't know.

Oh, really?

What it was?

That young, you had no idea.

Oh, I definitely was like, that would make you feel like that, that young oh shit.

I don't worry, kid, more of a, are you worried?

Worried about worry?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

You do?

Or are you, I've been crying a week for this little love.

I, I haven't slept.

I need the phone call.

I was like, you know, that's like, that would be a normal worry, but I'm like, like,

I worry about the dumbest shit, like, if I unfold a t-shirt in an H&M and the person who's

working is standing there and, and I look at him and I go, well, I'm an axel or a large,

depending on what storm.

And so I got on full two of them, but I'm only going to get one of them if at all.

And I know that I can't fold it.

This is the monologue I'm having.

I know that I can't fold it the way they can.

And they're just staring at you.

And they're got you.

Yeah.

Okay.

Unless they're M.O.D.

Manager on duty, you know?

Uh-huh.

So I, I go.

I go.

I'm good.

One time I went up to when I go, I'm really sorry, I'm full of like six wears of pants and

I can't do it the way you need to do it.

And then I go, and I didn't get one pair, and the way he was like, honey, it's okay

and I go, have a good day.

So disgusted with yourself.

I'm like, I don't even deserve to wear pants.

Well, SNL must have fucking turned your stomach upside down.

Oh my God.

Every time I talk to anybody who does it, because M.O.D.

Snoward done this.

Bobby Moynihan.

Oh yeah.

And I'm like, it's the one job where I go, I don't know how you guys did it.

I mean, I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

There is an anxious person.

I think you're diet either diminishes or it goes up, like depending on how you're, like,

I'd be a raging alcoholic.

There's no way.

Oh yeah.

I like, once I left that job, I was like, hmm, I don't really yearn for whiskey.

Like, I'm like going to the gym, taking care of myself, sleeping, not nightmare in.

Yeah.

Oh yeah.

And that's the first thing that says she goes, I'm finally sleeping in.

Yeah.

Oh, I sleep like a baby.

Well, I hear that you guys are up to, like, fucking 6 a.m. sometimes, right?

I'm like, 6 a.m.

But when you're in it, you don't realize it, right?

And you are having a good time.

Like, it's not as like, I would be realizing it.

Yeah.

I'd be exhausted.

Oh, I was.

But are you insane?

Going back in the two years I was there, I was like, I don't, it's like time travel.

Yeah.

I'm like, because you're just, your hours are fucked.

Yeah.

It's like, every day you're like, there's a new celebrity, you're, you're not good enough,

but am I good enough, but I'm here, but I'm not here, but I'm there.

God.

And it's like, that constant, that's what would kill me.

I mean, here's the thing, you got on and you were on.

Yes.

And that's what I try to remind myself.

That's all you have to say.

I can't get a live audition.

What?

Well, you couldn't get an audition at all.

Never one time.

That's in that shocks me.

I'm not going to lie.

It shocks me.

I feel like I'd get one live audition.

One.

I'm sorry, but that's shame on there.

I'm pissed.

And I'm like, okay, I'm like, now my goal, obviously, I want to be a host at some point,

but I'm like, one day, for real.

One day at some point down the line, but I'm like, I always, I was like, I, because sometimes

my manager, um, she wraps, uh, please don't destroy.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

You know, like, I like be on the way to show it here at like 10, whatever PM she's like,

and she's like, oh, just get ready to go out.

I'm like, I'm like, it's one of them.

I know.

She has to go to the party.

Want to get the right to go to him.

You're leaving your house?

Yeah.

I was like a demon child at those after parties.

I'd be crazy.

I was like, well, if I didn't get what I wanted at the show, I'm going to kill it.

I want to party.

I'm just going to have a couple drinks to numb myself, um, so I can't shmuse and, yeah,

I mean, but that's not like a, that's not an odd thing to do.

Everybody does that.

Of course.

What are you talking about?

The amount of fucking stress every day you guys, I don't, I don't know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I feel like my hemorrhoids would be so far out of my ass that I'd be getting the amount

of bagels I consumed in those two years.

Come on.

Fuck.

Cause you're writing to.

You're writing and you're pitching.

Yeah.

Like, I don't know how to do this.

No, it's so much.

Mm-hmm.

Writing?

I barely, I hate, I believe I do right now.

I go, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like, yeah.

It's like more of like an outline than it is.

Oh, it's an art.

More performer writers.

Like we go out.

Yes.

I assume.

Cause we do much stand up when you're on.

And, as an op.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think I feel like I would, I would, I'd be too tired of a quote.

Well, yeah.

There was like like Marcello would go to the like to a club every chance he could get.

But he was also five years younger than me.

When you're, you're young, it's different.

Yeah.

And like Michael Longfellow would go on the road on our breaks.

But I was like, I am, I need to mend my mental health wounds during these breaks, which

is what people would encourage to do.

You know?

Yes.

Um, I sit on my couch and finger my hemorrhage back into my vessels.

Yeah.

There's no way on the road.

Cause I'd see Longfellow on posters.

And I'd be like, guys on us now.

Yeah.

But he's serious.

He was a road dog before.

That's a thing.

Yeah.

He came into the picture.

Were you a road dog before?

Or were you just?

I'm to it.

I can't do road.

I can't, I get so worried about sewing tickets.

I'm like, you know what?

I'm just going to stay where I am.

I'm going to stay put.

I'll stay right now.

Yeah.

I got a bowl spot from worrying about the stress I have for something that gets as crazy.

Well, do you ever like, it's crazy.

I get to the point where I'm like, sorry, we're talking so much.

People listen to the shop.

They like the shop.

I'm just like, I, the fact that I have to promote myself to sell these tickets makes me like, I want.

No, and no, it really takes away from it.

It burns you down and then you get the same thing.

And I always mention this, but I have to keep my appeal.

Because I have very annoyed where no one follows your tour schedule or even checks a single poster.

And it's like, you're never coming here.

You just missed it.

Someone today literally just said, you never come to Houston.

I'd be like, what's your address, buddy?

I'm getting to that point.

I, I, I, I have lost followers because I get so fucking mad at them.

I'll take it right now.

I lost three followers.

I swear, I don't care.

So I'm like, I can't do anymore.

I can't do it.

But you're not missing the road.

You look, I mean, do you have the road?

Oh, I want to do a year to it.

I want to be on TV show.

Okay.

So it's all I do.

Well, like, yeah, we're going on the road ever so often as lovely.

I'd love to go once a month for a week.

Okay.

That's great.

That's why I like to do.

Pick a little area.

Maybe like go up to whatever if I can take her back a drive up there.

If I can go up, take her up to like ASF.

Do like the West Coast a whole week.

Yeah.

Come home for three weeks.

Read like, because right now at the point where I'm like, I'm not even, I'm having a hard time writing anything.

Because I'm on the road.

What am I writing?

I don't want to do airplane jokes or hotel jokes.

Yeah.

Exactly.

I have no story to tell right now.

Yeah.

So I'm feeling like I'm just feeling gonna have whatever.

Yeah.

What are their body things you have?

Oh.

I am like a tumble.

I'm like.

Well, it took, it's a tumble every day of my life.

The fact that you said, too, that your aunt was your primary care doctor.

Yeah.

And your mom was an ER.

Yeah.

And my uncle was my dentist.

What?

And me and my parents were priests because we made therapists.

I just said, I'm Irish Catholic.

You feel me?

Are your parents actually therapists?

No.

Construction workers are nurses.

We're count ex-counselmen.

I was like, okay, okay, okay, okay.

So your aunt saw your everything all the time?

Yeah.

She did a whole family pretty much.

Really?

She just retired.

So she's seen everyone in family's digs and plus.

Yeah.

That's what we put it like that.

I'm sorry to put it like that.

It's very close family.

Yeah.

I mean, when I would have like, you know, I take SSRIs whenever I would have like a raw

like depression medicine medicine.

Like if I had a problem in Chicago before I had the health insurance,

I'd be like, hey, I'm not.

And then we would like, you know,

yeah, yeah.

That's special occasion.

That's what you want.

I mean, what would happen here?

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, I have a, I actually fell and I had a bulb.

If you know when you hit something really hard,

I don't know what the term is, but you get like a huge well for a couple

hours and then it goes down and I had a bruise.

This literally just went away.

I had a bruise from here to here all my elbow because I feel like how long?

Four weeks.

So I four weeks.

Yeah.

And I still have like 10 and I went to go.

I feel like I think the elbow thing.

It's never going to go away.

Tell me.

I fell at Washington Airport, which I probably know.

No, no.

I had her with me and I came under the period.

Oh, she's.

She's got.

She has a dog.

I came under the piss area with the dog.

I slipped in my crocs.

I fell so hard.

I don't know.

People around me were laughing.

Do you just scuff and then fall forward?

There wasn't like a wet floor sign and I was off the p-area.

I was already on the way out.

I fell directly in my elbow.

I, the pain I fell on that floor.

Oh.

I kind of was curious.

It wasn't funny, but I'm like, I could sue you.

Washington, Dallas.

Yeah.

And I like ran to my plane.

I was like, ah, fuck.

And the other day I went to the end.

I went, oh no.

Yeah.

And we're talking five, six weeks here.

Yeah.

Yeah, because those are the nerves that connect here.

So if you want to stretch it, do this.

This, that looks stupid.

Does that hurt?

No, it just looks stupid.

Well, you know what?

You got to be stupid sometimes.

Be healthy with your elbow.

So what do you think?

Is it, on yours that?

Do you think you took the ball?

Mine's just like, I have like cartilage.

Like, bells out?

Yeah.

But I went to the doctor because I had to get a physical anyway.

And I was like, hey, what else can you take a look at this?

And my ass and ass.

I like when you go in with a list of things.

Yeah.

I did it all day.

And I need to sleep study.

And I am sleeping.

I will be going here.

I got a finger.

I wore it because I'm snoring.

I'm stopping breathing.

I'm kicking.

Stop breathing.

I'm moving.

I think the stopping breathing is the only thing that we should.

Well, it's like, it's like sleeping.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't stop breathing.

But I'm like, you know, it's your girlfriend's like, what the?

Yeah.

Well, and my mom.

And I say this because when I was on that Puerto Rico trip,

a couple weeks ago, I shared it.

You shared it about your mother?

Because it was a girl's trip.

So for my cousin, there's like 30 of us.

And do you need a post?

That's my alarm.

It's telling me to post 15 minutes.

Oh, my God.

It's not you're putting yourself in your own circle.

I don't want to tell you because I had to collab with his Australian club.

The Australian company must show it in a couple weeks.

It's a whole thing.

So you slept with your mother.

Yes.

So we slept in like this huge king bed.

Oh, you're not huge now, huh?

Yeah.

It's really bad.

No, she's my mommy.

So like whatever.

We got there.

And I'm like, you know, my dad's north.

And I'm like, my dad's mini me, you know, big, kev, little kev.

So I go out with my younger cousins.

And we go to the town, you know, and we're partying.

And my mom went to sleep early.

And she travels with the sound maker, right?

So I got a side.

This is all hearsay.

But I walk in and I go, hey, mom, it's going to be a lot of night.

It's going to break it up.

It's like turn up her noise machine.

And then I went to sleep.

And then I woke up and she was not there in the morning,

because it was like 11, because we went out late.

And they're all staying at the house next door.

And I walk in.

And my mom is just literally doing a stand-up set explaining my snoring.

She's like walking around the kitchen.

Everyone's kind of like, like, I'm kind of watching from the window.

And I'm like, she's not.

She's like, yeah.

And my mom comes in and my mom goes, she, oh, they, whatever, they, they go,

turn it up.

And I cook my noise maker.

I go, here we go again.

And then my mom was like, I had to adjust Molly's neck and head and arm,

like an antenna to get them to shut the hell up.

And everyone's like, Boston.

Everyone's like, and I walk in.

And they were like, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I was like, uh-huh, never sleep.

You never sleep with your mother.

Yeah.

I've never seen with you again, mom.

Fuck.

So is it on the back thing or any position you're just sounding like this?

Well, for her, she said that she was moving my arms in my neck.

You feel like this.

And I was like, oh, no.

So when you're in that, I thought you like didn't sleep well when you're doing that.

That's the, you and a dead sleep when you're doing that.

Well, I think I had a couple drinks.

No, it really helps you sleep, huh?

But also, I sleep really heavy, like in general.

Yeah.

Um, but the sleep study is they give you a little thing to put on your finger.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you take it around and you have a little app and it did, yeah, whatever for three nights.

And then in seven to ten days and about eight.

So I think when I get back down.

And then I think if it's bad, which it will be, I go to a little room.

Oh, and they put your things on there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How do you sleep with that?

I like, I fuck around with them.

I go.

No.

I need my mom here.

I can't sleep.

Where's my mom?

My mom has to share my bed.

Oh, but we'll see.

I'll have to keep you updated on that.

I'll need to know this.

Need to know your ass updates.

Yeah, yeah.

A lot of stuff.

The butts on heel now.

But I think it's because I've been really taking care of it.

It's a fiber.

All the things.

It's the fiber.

That's the stress.

Also stress.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The stress is the main thing for it.

It's a lot going on.

Yeah.

What else you got going on?

You got some more stuff.

Oh, wait.

Is that your first time getting stitches?

Yeah.

I mean, many times I should have had stitches.

You just kind of let it open.

What else?

You're going to show your pussy.

Just there it is.

Yes.

It's going to give you a little shame.

You're all the loveliest stuff.

It's the same.

Well, I got top surgery.

So I had blood bags.

Oh, he did the top surgery.

Yeah.

So I did that like a year ago, actually.

Oh, shit.

And my mom took care of me.

Nurse Margaret.

How did you, um, do you do a lot of research?

Because I don't worry.

Oh, yeah.

Robbie actually was one of the first people I spoke to.

A year ago.

Okay.

I was going to say, talk to Robbie because Robbie did a bunch of research on places.

Yeah.

Because some people were having like really bad scarring.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I know that Robbie wouldn't like crazy finding something.

Yeah.

Yeah, we had a really, she gave me great info.

Um, and then I will end up going to NYU, which is great.

They have like a specialist.

I feel like also now.

And NYU, it's, you know, and now I feel like it's more of a common thing.

And they know what they're doing now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then I got the nipples on.

And that was crazy.

What do you mean nipples on?

They do them off and put them back on.

Yeah, because they do.

They, they take them off.

And they use a like a cookie cutter essentially to make it like a masculine-sized nipple.

And then they put them back on and they line them up with the clavicle.

Because that's where male nipples usually are like masculine.

A bit further over.

Yes.

And they make it smaller.

Because you know, nipples, women, nipples are big.

And they make it smaller.

Yeah.

Shit.

Oh, bless you.

Excuse me.

I always picture this you waking up and just seeing just two nips sitting on like a silver platter.

And it always makes me feel.

Oh, it's easy.

Just seeing that.

I basically can't see them.

Yeah.

So did you get a pick your nipple size?

No, they usually just, they're like, he basically said, like, said, like, this is the one

we got.

He says, and I go, sounds great.

I'll take the usual.

You know, like, I don't think.

And sometimes they, like, some non-binary people don't, they think nipples, like, define their

gender, like, make them feel like they're transgender.

So they don't get them.

But I was like, I think I'll feel like a little alien.

Like, I can't breathe.

And my mom's like, oh, you breathe out of your nipples.

And I was like, good one.

No, I think you had a point.

I like the idea of a nipple.

Yeah, me too.

Me too.

And no, I do see either way.

Don't come at me.

Yeah, yeah.

And what you want?

Besties have no nipples.

OK.

Do you want them?

But I just feel like, for me, you know, if you personally, I think I want nipple.

OK.

You have big boobs removing.

You have to wear the blood bags.

But if you have small boobs, they take the, they take the breast tissue out of the nipple

area.

So you don't get the scars.

And you don't need the blood bags.

So like, if you get a breast job, a breast implants, or you get an augmentation or whatever.

Yeah.

You most likely have blood bags.

So they had to go under.

Yeah.

Take out.

So they basically go like under the straight straight right.

And then they take, and then they can kind of cut like an oval.

Oh.

And then they pull down.

Oh.

I thought they went down and up.

Now, down and around.

Yeah.

So where's the scarring here?

It's right here.

Yeah, that's the only scar.

Yeah.

No, no.

Well, there's a little break put right here.

And that's it.

Oh, shit.

And after a year, they're pretty much like, um, going away.

Really?

I mean, I'm so white and pale.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

You use the silicone, whatever.

So when you say blood bags, there's like two holes.

And they have like a little.

Yeah, they have like, so basically like, um, like, oh, yeah, this is not disgusting.

This is the point of the podcast.

Yeah.

I'm into that.

So basically, fluids and like, whatever they use would like build up.

And.

Cause infection.

Okay.

Um, every.

Basically two hour, two times a day, morning and night, you empty the blood bags.

Well, my mom did them for me and she was like a nurse Margaret.

So she, like, I got them out early because she was so on top.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

And you have to like, there's like tissue in there.

So you have to like squeeze it out.

It's basically like that cord on that light right there.

Oh, he's like pull it out.

And it's like.

And sometimes you're like, feel it.

Oh, god.

And you want to know.

Yeah, yeah.

Is it stink?

No.

Okay.

Cause it's, it's really thin blood.

It's like, uh, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.

It's also like an open, it's kind of still an open little sore, right?

Right.

So you're saying like, you got these because before they didn't have those.

That's why people getting infections.

Well, I think, no, I think maybe a long, long time ago.

Yeah, yeah.

Uh, so basically you keep them in for seven to ten days, depending on your.

Okay.

That's not bad.

Yeah.

I mean, I went to see Oh Mary with my blood bags in.

And I feel like I should let Cole know that one day.

Like, hey, you were incredible.

It was like one of the last times they were on doing their first run.

And I just had the two blood bags in my pocket.

Your back pocket.

Excuse me.

And my mom's going.

And I brought to you.

And my mom's like, I don't really get it.

But you guys are having a great time.

I'm having a good time.

I can't really hear what I'm like.

Shut up.

Please don't draw attention to the blood of the eggs.

Like literally like having a, like, you know, so when you take them out,

do they just, that's it?

Do you know?

Do you know how they take them out?

No, I don't know.

Okay.

So basically it's like a little tube that goes into a little hole.

So here's the scars, scars are here.

Yes.

Yes.

Right below the scar.

Kind of here is like a little hole that they suture.

And they stick essentially like a tube suction out.

Oh.

So it's like there.

It's like cypening out blood into little like bits like pumpy bags.

Yes.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

So then you go to the doctor and they're like, okay, you basically run out.

Like it stops dripping.

Okay.

You check up.

These are done.

And I go, okay, great.

And I go, like, put on her to get these things out.

Yeah.

No.

He takes the two stitches out and he just pulls them.

He pulls out this much wire from inside of my skin.

You're away watching this.

Two sides.

Two sides.

He does one and I go, yow.

And then he does another one and I kind of didn't feel it as much.

And then that's it.

Nothing.

No.

And then he just, then it's just a little bandaid.

A bandaid.

Yes.

That's crazy.

The same mold removal.

Yeah.

That's wild.

Right.

And then it just pulls up.

It just goes.

Bodies are weird.

Yeah.

Having a full tube.

Taking it out.

Go for a hike.

And like, because I'm, I'm not, I'm, was numb here for a long time.

And now I'm getting a little more feeling, you know.

Okay.

But the coming back now.

Yeah.

It's like getting way better.

Yeah.

I thought you were going to be like, can you feel this?

Can you imagine?

I just are punching your tits.

I can't feel the nips.

But sometimes I get tingles in this one.

Oh.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Some people never get back.

Some people like, they go back just depends on your body.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

I, I don't really care.

I'm just happy.

Like, some days I'll just catch my reflection.

I'll be like, fuck.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I had big girls.

B, what do you have?

What's I?

Oh, I think I lost, uh, this was 2.8 pounds.

And this was 2.5.

Really?

Oh, the size removed.

What size were you like?

The only world.

The sports bras.

So I have no idea.

You were just playing with all my friends.

Fuck.

You must have been at least.

I would be.

E, maybe.

I don't know.

How does you feel?

I don't know.

No, these are nothing.

I had these already.

I was like, these are like, no.

No.

No, these are.

I saw me in a basement.

I'm like, I need tits.

I'm like, I should have gotten yours.

Can I invite your blood bags?

Send me your blood bags.

Send me your blood bags.

Anybody listening?

Fuck.

No, I'm like a fucking speed.

I'm small.

But okay.

Does it feel like?

How much difference does it feel?

I ran on a treadmill after I got the okay.

Is it the best one of your life?

I'm like, I am going to run marathon.

No, I'm not.

But like, I was like, holy crap.

It must have been a good feeling.

It was incredible.

Oh, yeah.

Like, I have a bit about it that I'm working on, but it was just like.

It's a whole, it's a different body running.

Yeah, like, and you know what?

Like, I'm still used to standing like this, right?

With my big boobies.

Yeah.

I mean, like, not wanting, if you don't want them to.

And now I'm like, I've had to do like back muscle workouts to like,

fix my posture to get really strong.

Because I would like, stand like this and my belly wouldn't pop it out.

But you wouldn't notice.

And now I'm like, my little belly is like here.

But now I have to, it's really bizarre.

Shit.

It's like wearing a, I was wearing, I felt like I was wearing like,

Mrs. Dutphyr's body suit my whole life.

And now I'm like, finally, like, finally just feeling like yourself.

Yeah.

Was it, did you cry when you first there?

Do you see it?

And we were like, fuck this is.

I actually didn't cry, but I cry every so often.

Just seeing it.

Yeah, I'm just like, this.

Oh, like, just looking myself in the mirror when I had my boobs,

I would like, not look at them.

It was.

Yeah, that's, that's what people don't get would be like.

And they were gorgeous.

Don't get it twisted.

Yeah.

Or just gorgeous set.

How have we had the nicest person in life?

Fucking little ski fucking slope.

So I was like, you bitch.

I'm over here with fucking bottom draggers.

And she's got fucking.

She's full fucking vocals over here.

I'm goddamn over here, slopping around.

Yeah.

That must feel like so refreshing to finally be like,

I like, this is not, this is kind of relatable.

Not really.

I just got cool sculpting done.

What does that mean?

Um, it's where they freeze fat cells.

Uh, and then they.

Oh, yeah, that's the same.

If you're changing your body to make this up,

you'll more kind of in the mirror today.

And I almost cried.

I was in the mirror today.

And I went, well, no.

I mean, this is a much different.

This is a whole mental thing.

It is.

But just the idea.

I just, I'm only saying it's kind of similar.

Cause like, looking in the mirror and wanting to look at myself.

Yes.

Cause I would look in the mirror and I'd run by it like when I'm naked.

I can't fucking take my body.

And then in the middle of this morning, I went, I still there to win.

I wouldn't excuse me.

I set my sister a photo.

I went, I like my stomach.

And I have never said that in my life.

Oh, I know.

I was like, fuck.

And I have one more round to go.

I'm like, I'm so pumped.

Cause people like, I'm always commenting on my appearance.

I'd be like, don't change your thing.

I want to feel good.

Yeah.

I will change.

I think I want to feel good.

Good for you.

And I know it's not the same as hits for stomach,

but it's like, it still is a thing to make yourself a steam free person.

Yes.

It's a, it's a personal thing.

No one should give a fucking shits ass.

Yeah.

What anyone does with their fucking bodies.

No.

You don't know the mental hell we're going to do.

Also, we, it's our body.

Yeah.

Our body, our choice.

Our body, our choice.

Um, do your parents, you've made a joke with your mom saying that they, them, are they still?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are they still having a hard time?

You know, I have a cousin who's not binary, um, Gil.

And they came up first.

So they, and they're, they work for like social justice and like trans, uh, rights and stuff for GSA all over the country.

So they're like, they, they, they sent our family straight from the game.

Okay.

Okay.

So I'm very grateful for them.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And their parents love you more than I've ever heard a parent love somebody.

The driving twice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They're pretty good blood babe.

They're remarkable.

And they're very funny.

Okay.

Okay, so, you like to get a fancy.

Yeah.

My sister's the funny one in the family.

I bet.

It's unbelievable.

She said that she said something the, uh, fucking group text, there, there's a guy in our high school that I totally forgot his name was Seth tolev.

Staff, Seth.

And it no sense.

Not related at all.

And I forgot about him completely.

Did he reach out?

No, but my sister randomly,

I'm in a group which has my sister in my friend Lexus.

She's like, Seth, I'm like, what happened to Seth?

And then she found a photo of Seth in a life jacket

on like a boat and she went safely living his life.

And I don't know why safety living his life

was funny to everybody.

But I was like, that's the same.

Now it's not posting.

Now at 4 or 2, now I have no service in my house.

And your phone's gonna die.

Well the phone's been dying for a while,

but now it's the no service.

People let their phone die.

That's another anxiety.

No, no, no.

How many emails do you have all your emails read in there?

No, no, I'm not like that.

I'm not like that.

You're not that crazy.

I got 9,404.

That's insane.

No, it's 9,404.

You're almost at 10k.

Yeah.

No, no.

This is, and I have eight unread text messages.

Eight, that's crazy.

I usually go through them,

but you know, people have like 420 text messages.

I'm like, the new update also isn't gonna help you at all.

Eight unread.

Why is the new update gonna help me?

It's bad.

It's hell.

It didn't update, it's hell.

I'm gonna, I hate T-Mobile.

What are you with?

The Ryzen?

Yeah, the Ryzen is where you wanna be.

Did I post?

No, it's still posting.

And now I'm losing my mind.

Now it's 4-3.

I'm absolutely seething now.

Now it's not-

You got a new followers.

I don't think that's true.

You love that feeling.

Come on.

No, it's not true though,

because I'll go check my followers and it's not,

it's not a hundred heaven gone up.

I so don't know what that is.

It's very bizarre.

That's weird.

Here's the thing.

Don't you hate even thinking about the followers?

Yeah, I'd rather throw my phone in the fucking river.

Like, don't you, don't you every day?

And here's, this is the problem why we have to,

because that's how we get bucked.

I know.

And it's like, you have SNL.

Woo!

Yeah, it's not.

It's like, that should be the only thing you have to say.

I have been outside of life.

That's it.

There's literally not one other thing you should be like,

it's not enough, but also, I'm 26, I'm doing my game.

I'm going in.

Okay, what are you doing?

But you're already acting.

So you're doing what I wanna do.

Yeah.

But you're doing what I want.

Oh, there we go.

Oh, wow, that was the noise.

For all four.

If you love that noise.

For all four, it's gonna bomb you out.

So you've just once a day.

And now what's gonna happen is this is gonna bomb you,

I have to delete it.

That's what's gonna happen, because the late post,

it will bomb and it will drive my,

that's when my anxiety goes crazy.

You're deleting repost?

Oh, I delete repost all the time.

And guess what?

Respect.

Oh, game changer.

Does it work?

Oh, I have clips that I know will murder.

And I get like 30k and I go,

now give them a month, a month later, a million.

And I go, I knew it, I fucking knew it.

Oh, you, that makes, so you delete it

and then a month later.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

And I'll edit it a little bit.

So in Trim it doesn't think it's the same thing.

I'll just trim a little off the top and bottom

and a little in the middle.

What's your editing?

I go in in shot.

It's an out shot.

You do it on your phone?

Ooh, if I can't work on my phone like that.

I'm telling you, before you got in there,

I had lawn order on and I was lying on my back.

Going, no, Sam.

No, Sam, Sam is trying to teach me how to use

premium pro.

I can't do it, I can't find out.

I'm using, I don't know, what are you using?

Anything, what am I doing?

I'm not, I don't think anything.

You are on a TV show.

For now.

For now, this is 20 episodes.

That's leading to more stuff.

Yeah, you're right.

This is what I'm saying.

You're a lead character.

And I'm very honored.

And it's awesome.

I'm not saying you're not.

I'm just saying you're being open my phone.

I go, bleep.

No, because here's the thing.

This is what I look at too, like Edie Patterson.

Do you know that is?

Righteous Gem Sons.

Oh, yes, this is the funniest person ever.

I randomly started following her and I was looking at her

and I was like, oh, she isn't that many followers.

But then I saw her on Red Gem Sons.

I'm like, who fucking cares?

Yeah.

The funniest person played it.

On our show.

Oh, is he?

Yeah.

And then you're like, what the heck?

Who cares?

Who free, the industry knows you are?

That's it.

That's literally all you need to know.

Unless you're still on tickets.

Yeah, I'm kind of like.

No, who cares?

I want the civilians away him.

Women from fucking Idaho know who I am and their husband

getting some weird DMs from.

Yeah.