Awaken Hope on Release Resistance with Sandy

0:00Are you tired of feeling hopeless? Or do you feel as though you carry around an invisible ball and chain? If so, you are in the right place. It's time now for a wicked hope with Candy Campbell. Candy is a therapist and grief counselor that works with women to help them process and heal from emotional events that can keep them feeling stuck. Let's take this journey together. And now here's your host, Candy Campbell. Welcome back to another edition. I am so super grateful. I get to have Sandy even sitting here with me today. And we have an amazing topic that we're going to talk to you about. Welcome Sandy. Thank you so much for coming and being part of the Awakened Hope Show. Hey, Candy, always good to be here. Hello, everyone. I am so super excited. Today's topic that we're going to talk about, that's today's topic that we're going to talk about is releasing resistance, surrendering control.

1:00And this is kind of come in my own life of realizing that the more resistance I put up when I'm attempting to do something or wanting to change something in my life, say, maybe it's a belief or it's a pattern. The more I fight that resistance to change, if I want to change something, I have to release the resistance and I have to surrender control. Because you know, you've heard me talk about control. The only thing that we have the true ability to control is ourselves, how we show up, how we respond. We cannot control other people as much as we like to think that we can, we can't. Even us parents, we can't control our children. I know that was something that I struggled with as a parent thinking I could direct my kids to become go a certain way or do a certain thing. And the more it seemed like the more I pushed them

2:04to go a certain direction, the more they either ran the opposite direction or pushed back, as you know, doesn't really bowed well for what you're trying to do. But one of the greatest lessons I'm learning, and this is something that I've seen recently with myself. I have released and surrendered to the universe. If someone doesn't want to work with me, I am going to release them. I am not going to go and try to hammer them down, track them down and go, whoa, what's going on? Why don't you want to work with me? Ba, ba, ba, whatever the story is that's going through my mind. I recognize and I tell myself, I'm like, okay, if someone doesn't want to work with me, it has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with them and that is okay. But when we try to hold on to trying to overthink or figure out or whatever it is that we're doing

3:04about why someone doesn't want to work with us or why someone doesn't want to have be friends with us or whatever the story is or the case is, you gotta stop and think about it. What is it that you're trying to, what outcome are you trying to achieve? And why are you doing it the way you're doing it? You have to ask yourself, this is an introspection thing. This isn't something that anybody can answer for you. It's all individual. But one of the things that kept, I kept hearing when I was like, okay, what is it that I need to see about this is I kept hearing you need to surrender, surrender control. All right, Sandy, what are your thoughts on this one? Oh, good Lord. So it is something that we all have inherently as humans and the more we get into learning things and doing things being with people, whatever, the more we feel like we need to control situations. We think we can control people and you know,

4:05if you've ever tried, it doesn't bode well. Something is going to happen. And a surrender idea is so perfect because that's the idea of, you know, you've heard that surrender prayer, right? It's all about letting go, you know, and yeah, serenity. The idea of understanding what you can deal with, but you can change. You're usually the one thing you can change is your attitude. You know, how you respond instead of react, but you can get that initial trigger like, well, what the heck was he was supposed to meet me and he didn't or I was supposed to get hired and I wasn't or, you know, might be just somebody that you communicate with that suddenly drops off the face of the earth, you know, like, what happened to them? And I can drive you crazy. I know Candy when I was working in the swans, we would, we'd have a hard time not taking it personally,

5:06you know, because wait, this is my work. I get lots of praise, people like me. And why is this one person just what's the term now? Ghosts, do I ghosting me? So, you know, taking up time in my schedule that somebody else who's waiting on a list could take and they're not showing up, you know, so it can really, really get to you. So the idea of like back when we talked about being flexible, adaptable, going with the flow, all of that, just top of take a breath and go, okay, I release it. I can't, I can't control this. And as truth is, for those of you who are not familiar with the serenity pro, this is what the serenity prayer says. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. I remember being exposed to that. Oh, I was much younger.

6:06It was in my 20s and my then mother-in-law was telling me about that. And I was like, you know, it just kind of went over my head, went through one ear and out the other. But as I've aged and I've gotten more wisdom, I realize that it makes a lot of sense. We cannot control our circumstances, the people around us, but we have to be able to know what is the difference between what we can control and what we can't. And to be able to release surrender, like go, what it is that you want to control in your life or what it is that you need to step back and say, not my job to do it. Not my job to be in the mix of something that really can cause a lot of consternation if you're in the middle of something that you have no business trying to control. And it's just, you know, one of the things I've seen,

7:09I guess I as I get older and part of it, like I said, I'm going to age myself. And I have my own experience with being flaky. Don't get me wrong. I was in my younger days, there were times when I was pretty flaky. It just, I didn't know more. I didn't know better. I did and I didn't. You know, I was kind of coming out sideways with a lot of stuff. But as I got older and realized, oh, that behavior being flaky was not necessarily ideal. People would judge me off of how I showed up, what I did, what I didn't do. And when you stop and think about what you do, are you, and this is the question I say, do some introspection, are you a person of your work? Do you make, when you make a commitment, do you follow through it with it? Or do you make a commitment and then you just go somebody? You don't show up. You don't acknowledge that, you know, don't cancel.

8:13You don't, don't have any communication whatsoever. You're just, nope, sorry, not here today, not coming, not going. You just don't show up. I mean, if you stop and think about it, whatever you're doing, whether it's an appointment or a dinner reservation or a coffee, your, their time, whoever you're with, is valuable. And if we don't have the decency or the respect enough to not communicate, but, oh, I'm not going to be able to make coffee today or I'm not going to be able to make my hair appointment today because, you know, something came up or I had conflicting things. It doesn't matter why you cancel. The important part is that you communicate that you're not going to be able to be there, just not show up. That is in my perspective, not very kind. Yeah, and it's about being responsible, taking the initiative to choices, put your energy into the choices you want to make. If you're making, you're scheduling something, you know,

9:16I brought up the hair salon, it could be any kind of appointment, any kind of a meeting, a lunch, it could be being on a podcast, doing all sorts of things, looking truly at your, not just your physical schedule, do I have time open, can I do this? But what else is going on in my life? How is my energy? Can I really handle this? Do I really want this? Make the choice before you make the commitment, you know, and then be able to stick with it, to be, you know, be honoring your word. And so that you don't run into these kinds of things, and if you have people in your life who are doing it to you, take the moment to say, hey, that wasn't right, I really appreciate, you know, I mean, this is something you can teach people, because I think there's definitely some people out there who have never learned that it is important to show up. I mean, I've, I've seen, and this has happened in my life in different places,

10:17where someone interviews for a position and they get hired and they don't come. I've heard that. Or they come for one day and they don't come back. Yeah. Like, oh, this is enough for me. Well, could you tell someone? We've got definitely something that is a challenge, best way to put it. We're going to take a break, we'll be right back. Welcome back. Again, Sandy and I have been talking about being a person of your word, following through, showing up, you know, she'd be for the break, she was talking about people that get hired for jobs. And, you know, they, I've read about this, I've not necessarily encountered it myself, but, you know, they get hired for a job and maybe show up for one day and then they cease to show up anymore and don't say anything they just refuse to show up. I have to ask myself, what is this? What's, what does that say about us as an individual? If we're choosing to do that.

11:17And again, I'm not, I'm not pointing fingers. I've been flaky in my life. I have been flaky. Trust me, I was, when I was much younger sometimes, I could call myself the queen of flake because I would commit to things and then I don't, but the problem was as I was overcommitting to things and I just had too many things on my platter, on my plate at the moment, but I'm not proud of the fact that I was flaky. I really am not because that said, that spoke about me. That was a reflection on me and my lack of bunch of anxiousness, you know, being responsible, whatever it is. But I encourage you to really, really evaluate what it is. Like Sandy said, you know, if you've got too many things on your plate, we understand that, but think about it, consider it before you commit to something. Look at your calendar. You know, we all have phones. We all have calendars on our phones.

12:20Even the flip phones have little calendars. And you get notifications too. You get notifications. You know, look at your calendar before you commit and if something comes up and I'm not seeing things don't come up, trust me, I understand things pop up. We can get it, at least have the courtesy to acknowledge the person that you've committed to. Maybe they hired you for a job and you just, you get home and you realize, this isn't quite the job I had in mind or, you know, you're not feeling, you feel something that's not settling well. At least acknowledge that I'm sorry, but this isn't gonna work for me. I appreciate your consideration and your time. Don't just not show up. Don't go for one day and then not show up anymore. You know, or say I'm gonna go get water and never come back. I mean, you gotta stop and think about it.

13:21It's like, what does that say about us? What does it say? I don't know. I was working with a young woman who, it wasn't the major primary reason that I was coaching her, but she was telling me that this particular guy that she was dating, she thought it was really pretty good. I thought it was going along really well. And she got a little bit more, let's just say intimate with him and things were looking good. And he completely dropped off the face of the earth. He did not text, he did not call. It did not show up, he just disappeared. And so for her, it sent her into a really deep trigger because of other things that had happened to her in her life. And I had her really work on a lot of the anger that came up. You just need to go beat the bad or pound a pillow. I'm just really saying every foul word you can about this guy. Not to him. I mean, you can write him a letter and then burn it up or trash it.

14:23But if this happens to you, you are in a place where you feel like a victim. Get out the anger and the sadness and the disappointment and move on. We were just talking about this before in another episode about the rejection piece. It's actually pro-textion. Right. So when you get rejected, you can look around and say, well, what could I do with my time now? If this person isn't showing up or this isn't happening, what's the good thing that I can do? And let go of that futile attempt to control everything. Because it decreases your mental capacity. So if you just can let go of that and have a more go with the flow attitude about it. And it takes some practice, I think. Well, I've gotten to where I have a lot of people that book for the to be on The Awakened Hope Show. And some days I've had full other days, not so full,

15:26and other some days I have a full schedule from morning till early afternoon. And it's a lot of back-to-back. And some of it's my own doing for opening up my calendar. But I've had people that have booked for my show and they're not showing up, you know? No communication, nothing. And I was like, hmm. But I've taken the approach now. It's like, okay, they're not meant to be on the show. And let's put it this way. I get an extra, I get an earlier lunch. Or I get an earlier break before I have to do other things. Or meet with clients, or whatever the case is. Just turn it around, turn the spend, don't get. I encourage you not to get stuck in the woe is me. Why is this happening to me? But see it as an opportunity that you get an extra, maybe an extra half hour, or hour for lunch, or whatever it is between meetings. Instead of, you know, looking at, oh my gosh, why did they not show up?

16:27Because it is easy to look at that, look at someone not showing up, ghosting you, and go, what I do, what is it about me? But the truth is, and it takes a little bit of introspection to realize this, but the truth is, it is speaking volumes of that person, not anything about you. I think this is so true, Candy, because it's that thing where we want to just release that rigid expectation, because we'll get ourselves, you know, looking at what's going to happen, we have this ideal image happening, we have this expectations, when we have that, we can let go and release that rigidity about the expectations. We can open ourselves up to so much more, like new experiences, new opportunities. Somebody else is going to fill that void or some experience, something is going to change,

17:29and you're going to have less need to control everything. When you start to let go of having to do that, you won't need to anymore. You know, you'll kind of focus on the present moment, you know, rather than things that you can't control anyway. And when you, you know, and there's two sides to this coin, you've got the side of the person that's not being honoring their word, you have to do the introspection and ask yourself, why is it that I'm being flaky and not honoring my commitments? And that is something you have to answer yourself. Nobody can answer that for you, but also if you are the one receiving, on the receiving end of someone not showing up, you know, not being, you know, not being where they're supposed to be at the time they're supposed to be there, to not take it personal if someone doesn't show up. To realize it's not about you, it is about that person that didn't show up. But to see it as turning the coin,

18:31foot the coin on that and see it as an opportunity to maybe have a little bit of rest, you know, maybe you've had back-to-back meetings and you get a little extra rest in between from where you're supposed to be to where you need to go. There's different ways to look at it, but we're going to take a short break, we'll be right back and we'll continue with this story. If your stomach sounds like a haunted house and your bathroom trips require a prayer, we need to talk. You, my friend, might be digestively doomed. Floated like a parade balloon, constipated and clenching your belly like a toddler who's lost their mom at Walmart, where are you sprinting to the bathroom so often that your toilet seat has started a long-distance relationship with your butt. Good news. You don't have to suffer in silent smelly agony. Ignoring digestive problems doesn't just stink literally. It makes you sluggish, cranky, and desperate for stretchy pants. But to be serious for a second, it could lead to major issues, even disease. A happy gut means a healthy body

19:32that generates more energy, has higher metabolism, better focus, and the confidence to wear real jeans again, ready to go from bathroom hostage to digestive freedom, download, crappy to happy guts, four simple ways to supercharge your digestion, at happyguts.info. Now, your gut is calling. And no, it is not a butt dial. Go to happyguts.info. Now, welcome back. Again, Sandian, I've been talking about, you know, the two sides of a coin, when you have someone that isn't honoring their commitments or is an honoring their word to be somewhere or do something, and then the people that are on the receiving end of someone not showing up, someone not, you know, maybe you hired somebody and they didn't show up for the job. You know, they agreed to take the job and then they just don't show up anymore, to not, you know, not take it personally,

20:34but to realize that maybe it's God or the universe's way of saying they're not a good fit. How it came about, you look at and kind of go, oh, key donkey, oftentimes God and universe will remove something or someone who isn't suited for our path forward. And you just have to kind of recognize that and be okay with it because the truth is, we don't see the big picture. We see a very narrow picture of what is in front of us, which is limited, but God, the universe, source, whatever you align with, sees a lot larger picture. And, you know, we can get wrapped around the axle about, oh, well, they didn't do this or, you know, we were supposed to have lunch and they just didn't show up. Well, maybe that was a, you know, you think about it. Maybe it was someone you really, if you develop a friendship with,

21:36was not going to be a good friend for you or a good influence for you. Yeah, there's a couple of things I think of as one as the cultivate gratitude, really look at a regular appreciation for what you have and allowing that to fill that space and shift your focus away from any kind of lack or need to control. And the other is to really, when we talk about this lock handy, but practice journaling and this could be a surrender journal to process your thoughts and feelings about letting go and you really can start with the negative, you know, this was, I hate this, it's so disappointing, I'm so mad. And, you know, what the heck is going on? Why do I track this? This has happened to me before. You know, you can go wherever you need to go with it and really just write your thoughts and feelings out

22:38and keep going. There's a magical connection between the paper and the pen that will help all those thoughts come out. And if you know me, you know, I'm going to say, use some tapping, you could read it back, out loud or to yourself on tap while you do it. And you'll have another divine aha moment. You know, you do it yourself, Candy, as the idea of getting those thoughts out of your mind because they're spinning around, spinning around, spinning around. And we can really go down with proverbial rabbit hole about stuff and get really caught in thought. Right. Get it out with tapping alone or with journaling. Some way I like to go do like a power walk and talk it out with tapping on my own. So whatever works, you may have to practice and start little mini bites of it, but it will really open up creativity and appreciation. Much more time, because you're not worrying,

23:39it's spending your time worrying about stuff you can't control. Yeah, I'm the truth is, we can't control things. We can't control the weather. We can't control our world. We, but we get in the belief. And a belief is just something you practice, okay? Where you adopt it from someone else that truly is not your belief. If you really search and do some introspection, you'll find out that a good chunk of the beliefs that we took on in childhood really were not our beliefs. They were someone else's beliefs. We just adopted them and they became ours. If you have a belief about yourself or about something that's occurring, you just have to get those thoughts out, you know? And like she said, tap on them. You don't go through a rant and tap. You can, if you get out on paper, you tear that paper up and burn it and release it. Release it back to the universe and say,

24:39oh, no, no, this is not my, this is not a belief I want to continue to foster. And then you, you know, change the words that you're telling yourselves, because again, remember our thoughts affect our feelings, our feelings affect our actions and our actions give us our results. What are you thinking? What are you thinking about what you're telling yourself? Because when we have, and again, remember 95% of our thoughts are subconscious. So we go on autopilot. Someone burns us, someone doesn't show up and we go into an instant thought about that. But what is it that you're thinking? Being recently channeling that to, I get an extra break. You know, someone didn't show up, I get an extra break and God or the universe removed them for a purpose. Who might a question not? I'm not, you know, but I can control how I look at it. Yeah, you may need to feel it and you may get disappointed and you may get frustrated, but you feel that and you kind of move on and you go, okay, you know,

25:40when someone doesn't show up for the show that they've scheduled, they've booked my calendar and I'm like, okay, and then they just ghost and don't show up. I'm like, again, a little frustrated, I admit that. I get frustrated and I'm like, however, I'm going to view this as I get an extra hour before I have to do my next meeting or my next appointment or my client or whatever it is that I've got on my calendar that day. And I take the time and I savor it and I enjoy it because I can't control them, but I can control how I show up and I can control how I respond. I do admit I have to sometimes get rid of the frustration that shows up like really, this is happening. You know, you know, that those slots come up and they pop into my head, but I'm like, I'm becoming better at saying, thank you. Seeing it as a blessing, looking at it as, you know, I'm grateful I get the extra hour to enjoy my lunch or not just have to scarf down my food in between meetings.

26:41And just look at all of the other people, you know, in the few people that did that versus all of those people that you've interviewed, all of those people who want to come back again, all of the accolades, the praise that's coming in through the network, et cetera. And it reminds me of somebody who talked about that. It's like you have all this praise, you might even have a word, you have all this and you get one little review or one little no show and your mind just goes there and wants to focus on it. What's wrong with me? And it's just, you know, look, and that, as I was saying before the gratitude, you start writing that list all the exciting conversations you had and the difference you've made in people's lives because of them, quite phenomenal. And you just have to change your perspective on stuff. You flip that lens and you look at it through a different lens and you realize that

27:42if it's happening, it's happening for a reason. I firmly do believe things happen in our lives for a reason. I don't always understand them and I look at things and I go, you know, when I'm praying and like, God, I don't understand what is happening, but I know you do. So I'm going to focus on what I can't control and which is me and how I show what. So you do you and allow the world, the resistance, allow the world, the people around you to be them and let them go. Not in a, you're not literally letting them go, but just let them be them. And your lives will become a thousand times better. When we're trying to control every aspect of everything in our life, that's a lot of stress. And personally, my time and my energy are not worth that stress. But this has come with a lot of introspection,

28:42a lot of evaluation of my own life going, do I want that? Is it really worth it? And I have to say, if it's worth it, then so be it, do it. But if it's not worth it, the question is, why are you doing it? And what's haunting you to feel like, oh, I've got to push and push and drive, drive, drive to get this or that. But again, it is introspection, it is an individual thing, and only we can answer that for ourselves. Yeah, when we all have energy, everything, everyone is energy. And sometimes, I think the person situation that doesn't happen that we expect the energy didn't mix, that person's energy didn't feel comfortable in some way. And they might just be somebody who doesn't have a sense of responsibility or true to their word or whatever. They need to grow up a little more. But it's the idea of, you know,

29:44if we understand that one thing, that the most important part of any interaction is how you feel about yourself. If we keep taking that in and having gratitude for what we have, feeling good about ourselves, I'm doing a good job, that's on them. I guess we'll take them and put them over here on that list that says, no, I don't think you can come back. We might make those choices, right? Well, ladies and gentlemen, we're going to take a short break. We'll be right back and we'll continue with the story. Imagine crossing two oceans and discovering not just a destination, but a home. That's what I found at El Tosoro, a family-run farm to table retreat at the Cross Road to Tuscany, Lazio, and Umbria. Oce Rita and Massimo welcomed me just like family. I harvested olives, savored fresh pressed, extra virgin olive oil, and took a cooking class in their restaurant kitchen. I'm still making that eggplant recipe back at home.

30:46Beyond the food, Rita guided us through Italy's rich history, intricate flower mosaics crafted by local artists, a wine tasting overlooking, the lush green hills of Umbria, and a meal in Chavita di Bani Reggio, in ancient village we had to cross a footbridge to get to. El Tosoro isn't just a place to stay, it's a place to gather, celebrate, and reconnect. Whether you're seeking a peaceful yoga retreat, a dream wedding, or a meaningful family reunion, El Tosoro makes every moment magical. If you're dreaming of an authentic Italian escape, then you need to follow at El Tosoro underscore Italy on Instagram. That's I-L-T-E-S-O-R-O underscore Italy. Come home to El Tosoro. Welcome back. Again, Cindy and I've been talking about, you know, surrendering resistance, or releasing resistance, resistance, surrendering control.

31:48I know for me, this is something I work on. Coming from, I am a type A personality. I was raised as what would type A parents, and perfectionism was drilled into me from as early as I could remember. And the truth is perfectionism is elusive, so if we're rated, you know, perfectionism is based in fear. As I got older and realized that I didn't have to be perfect, I just had to show up as me. And, you know, I had to work through, I had to do a lot of introspection, because as I told you earlier, when I was younger, I was pretty flaky. I really was, and I can call myself the queen of flake, because I, you know, the thing that I talk about, I did. Not showing up, or committing to something, and, you know, the thing, the differences, I would say, I can't be there, and I just wouldn't show up, but I did at least say I can't be there. Yeah. Again, that's still flaky. That's still flaky. Oh, I used to do that kind of stuff,

32:49and I actually, even now that, you know, that I've had that shiny thing syndrome, where, oh, look at that course, that looks really cool. I think I'll sign up, and then as soon as I start looking at it, there might even be one module or something, and I'll go, nope, nope, nope, nope, I'm back and out. I want to, I want to refund. And I've done that many times, but it's not like I'm just not going to show up, right? And there, but there are times when I've done that, I've said, oh, I'll go teach this class, and it was, I was living in Virginia outside DC, and when the time came, I realized, I was going to have to drive into DC. I couldn't do the metro because of where it was. I was all this in and out, and I just freaked out. My own got really flaky, and I stood to the woman who was organizing us that I can't do it. I can't make it. And she finally, she looked at me, and she said, I thank you to our type of person that says yes to everything,

33:49and you can't turn things down. So you've got too much on your plate. And I said, well, kind of. I didn't want to tell her, I just didn't want to drive in the city, but that's what it was. I didn't want to go there. But at least I did say I'm not coming. It was kind of late. She had to go teach it herself, because I wouldn't do it, you know? So there are times. If you can just look at the consequences, can you just go ahead and do it, and then not commit to anything like that again? Or you might go and find out, hey, this wasn't so bad. This is all about awareness. This is awakening our awareness to how we show up, or do you show up, you know? If we're showing up as flaky, I think about it. What kind of, what does that say about us? And again, I have been there. I am not pointing fingers. I'm pointing a finger at myself, because I have been there. I was the queen of flake. I was not responsible, like I should. When I was 17, I was in college, and I was young.

34:51And not to, it was to my defense, but I had a lot of growing up to do. I had a lot of maturing to do. Fully realize that. I mean, I'd always been around adults, so I was pretty mature for my age, but still 17 is still, yeah. We all have that issue, definitely. But as I got older and had kids and grew and mature, I was like, oh, I was not necessarily that best individual when it came to being standing up for what I said I would do, being a person of my word. Because when you stop and think about it, when you do something like that, when I did something like that, maybe somebody that I had committed to, it affected them. It's just something that just popped into my head. I was really young, I have 17. I was going out with a marine at the time. Now, I am calling myself out on this.

35:53He invited me to go to the Marine Corps ball. And I honestly forgot, and I had committed, I was doing something else. I had some other plans. He showed up. My roommate told me about that, and I wasn't there. I felt, I mean, you know, my roommate, we didn't have cell phones then, but when I got home, she told me and I was like, ah, oh my gosh, I apologize profusely, but the damage had been done. Sure. The damage had been done. Because you heard his feelings picked up. I heard his feelings. He showed up and his date wasn't there. I think about, you know, I encourage you. Think about what you're committing. You're choosing to commit your two. You know, do you have the bandwidth or the capacity to honor that obligation? Or you're just like Sandy was saying, you know, committing to something because you don't want to say no. My, you know, and looking back now, I didn't have a phone.

36:53I didn't have a calendar and I just, but it doesn't excuse my behavior. It was poor choice and poor behavior. I have grown for that. Now, if I make a commitment, I will say, if I cannot be there or if I really don't feel I can commit to it, I'm like, I'm sorry, but I don't think this is going to align with my schedule. But I'm very conscientious these days of committing to something and looking at my calendar and saying, I'll get back to you. I don't know, you know, I have some unknown variables and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. But just don't be like me. Don't commit to something, a date and not show up. That's just, yeah. And it's, and I am calling myself out that. That is wrong. Because like I said, the damage had been done. I hurt this guy and never was able to make amends for that. That you learned a lesson. That's what happens when, especially when we're young like that. Oh my gosh, I tell you many stories like that.

37:56We do foolish things. We don't have quite the capacity to really think things out at that age. We don't, so as we grow older and we start to look at stuff, I think, oh, man, as you, as you say, flaky, we can really go into a lot of stories around that. Yeah, and again, you know, it sends messages to the people that we hurt or that we don't, do we stand up or we don't show up for? It sends them a message. And it also speaks volumes of us. So if you don't want to be known for being flaky or being one that ghosts people or whatever it is that you're doing or not doing, think about it. Consider your actions before you commit. We want to be, we want to honor our word. We want to honor who we are. If we're going to become better versions of ourselves, then we've got to step up. We've got to let go of that. Part of us that just says, oh, I can't say no.

38:57If you don't have the bandwidth to commit to something or you really don't feel like you can commit to it, just practice the word. Thank you, but no, thank you. It's not a lot. I'm not aligned with it right now where it doesn't fit my schedule. You find your words used, but say it in words that are going to resonate with you. But again, don't be the queen of flake like I was. And yes, I am not proud of the fact that I did that. And my husband, I mean, I was talking to him and I was talking about that. And he just looked at me and said, wow, people do change, don't they? Because I'm not that way these days. But I was way back when we can evolve, we can change. But we have to be aware. We have to wake up and we have to be aware of what we're doing or not doing. Because if you're not aware, you're going to continue to repeat patterns and things that don't serve you and create consternation and or negative attention to ourselves.

39:59And you don't want to be known as that person before he commit. You know, like I said, it's awareness. It really is about awareness. And you've listened to me long enough. If you're just not listening, I'm always talking about awareness because when you're aware, you can begin to change things. If you're not aware, you will repeat the patterns that you have done time and time again until you wake up. If you hand yourself with a two tight schedule, have the courtesy to allow that person on the other end to know, hey, I am not going to be able to make it and cancel whatever it was. You know, leave them hanging, you know, sitting there waiting. There's nobody on the other end. What's going on? And you're worried, we, you know, we worry about people like I hope they're okay. Hope everything's all right. Yeah, again, don't be like me. Don't commit to things and not show up. There's that, you know, I'm forgiven myself for that.

41:03But if for a long time, I felt really, really bad because I was never able to make amends for that. All I could say, I all I could say was I'm sorry, but again, the damage had been done. And you just, I can laugh at myself now. I look at it and go, well, I learned from it. It's a learning curve and it was a steep learning curve because people got hurt. A guy I was dating or I thought I cared about, but my actions spoke differently than my words. Think about it. What are your actions saying that your words are contradicting? It's a tough one, but I encourage you to be aware. I encourage you to really, really do an intersection. What's your committing to? You know, we have, and I am one that had a, just like Sandy, sometimes I had a tough time saying no. Because I didn't want to, it moved into people pleasing. It moved into not wanting to offend someone or hurt somebody. Me not seeing no created more tension

42:05than me saying no originally. If I had just said no, they would have been able to move on. But I committed to something and then didn't do it. Didn't follow through. And that created more problems for me and for the person that I was offending or hurting. But then I would have if I had just said no from the get go. Yeah, it's kind of like you didn't want to hurt his feelings and turn it down and then you ended up really hurting his feelings. It is that awareness piece. And then on the other side of it, look at how much resistance you have and how much you need to control stuff if you're on the receiving end. Something like this. Be able to, okay, have your thoughts about it, journal about it, but then let it go and be grateful for how it turns out. Baditude is everything. Again, three things before you get out of bed. Focus on three things and they have to be different each day. I would say before you get out of bed before your feet hit the floor, choose three things that you're grateful for. And you can choose things that are going to be different.

43:10Be specific about what you're grateful for. I know from the bottom of my heart my gratitude practice has changed my life. And I am truly thankful for because it has become a part of who I am. I go around daily expressing gratitude. Yeah, I write it out so I know who I'm what I'm grateful for, but I verbalize it too. And if you are around me, you will hear me say, I'm always expressing gratitude for different things. I am grateful for that I'm still here and I have another day of life. I encourage you to do that. And I encourage you to want to change a belief or a behavior, switch that lens of how you're seeing that behavior or that belief. Change what you're saying about it. Instead of saying, I'm always flaky. Just say, I am becoming more, I am more of a person,

44:11oh my goodness, I am becoming a person of my words. You can say something, whatever the words are that resonate with you, but you can change those thoughts and those beliefs that are subconscious. They don't have to continue to play out in your life. You want to become a better version of yourself to begin to look at what needs to be. Sandy, any last minute thoughts before we conclude our conversation? Yeah, I love the idea of awareness. Checking in with yourself, feeling into your body, where does it feel off? Do you have different issues going on within you in a physical way? And then check in with them, wonder what that's from because you might be getting an upset stomach because of something else going on, right? So just kind of check in with yourself and then be grateful. But I love the whole idea of awareness, attitude, of gratitude, and letting life flow. Because you know, we've talked about resistance before, the more you resist, the more that thing persists.

45:15So get, go with the flow muscle stronger rather than your resistance muscle stronger. And know that there's, you know, you have to have life on life's terms. You know, it's not this or that. It's this and, you know, it's both and. So look at that. Well, this happened and this person didn't show up. And I get to have more time for lunch, right? Mind your gratitude, find your opportunities, and tune in because we got more. Yeah, and ladies and gentlemen, if this resonates, and I know it can be piercing. And I say that because it may trigger. And if it's triggering you, I am grateful because it's bringing about awareness, it's bringing up something that needs, it's requiring someone's attention. If it is triggering you, just know, it just means you've got some part of you that's, it's crying out for your attention. And if you want to move to the next level,

46:17you want to become, you want to step up your game, you want to step up who you are, then you need to release it. You need to let go, surrender, surrender the resistance. We're release the resistance, surrender control. And if this resonates, share it. And you never know if someone's coming to your mind, share it with them because if it's coming to your mind, that means they probably need to hear what's being said. Thank you ladies and gentlemen for everything and continue to tune in. We have amazing topics and amazing guests and we'll talk with you super soon. Thanks for listening to Awakened Hope with Candy Campbell. If you find yourself struggling, just know there is help. Please take the first step in contact Candy. To learn more, go to CandyCample.net. If you like our show, please tell your friends and family to listen. Join us again next time for Awakened Hope with Candy Campbell.