American Grift Story

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So we're supposed to start the podcast.

One, two, three Patriots, Patriots, Patriots, Patriots, Black Patriots, Brown Patriots.

I want to call out specifically white women that voted for Trump can do what, pumps.

Fuck off!

All right, let's tell us what you've had it with, pumps.

Okay, what I've had it with, and this is primarily directed at myself, but what I've had it with is when you're laying in bed at night, and you have an idea or you have something like, oh, I need to pick this up.

Instead of writing it down, I just assume I'm going to remember it the next day, and I never remember it. And so this morning, I was like, I've had it.

I'm done with that because I had like two ideas last time going to bed that I was like, oh my gosh, that's a great idea.

Can't remember them this morning. So after 40 years, because I'm a quick learner, I'm going to start putting it in the notes on my phone. That's my new pledge.

Are you suggesting that you're 40 years old?

No, but I only have conscious memories since about 40, and I know I've been doing for about 40 years, and I know I've been doing this forever.

Like laying in bed thinking, oh, I need to do this, and then I forget the next day, and it drives me crazy.

No, I do that too. The main thing with it I do is I'll hide something from myself.

Oh, I'm like, oh, I need to put this somewhere really special.

So I'm putting it somewhere in my closet, and I'm like, oh, I'll totally remember where this is.

There's no way I could forget this and I make this mental note.

A month later, I'm looking for whatever it is that I've hidden from myself. And in fact, I've completely hidden it from myself.

I do that all the time, and I think when I put it away, this is a great spot to put this in.

And then I never remember where where this spot is.

All right, let me tell you what I've had it with. I've had it with corporations that somehow have gotten my email address without me being consensual in this.

And they email me, and then I've unsubscribed, and then they notify me like, hey, thanks for unsubscribing.

I'm like, we broke up. Then now there's a new component to this. I got an email yesterday from somebody I've unsubscribed to like twice.

And it was an email saying just to let you know, we've updated our privacy rules.

I'm like, I have a great idea. How about don't invade my privacy by mosing into my e-bell box, telling me about your updated privacy bullshit when you clearly don't have it, don't believe in it.

It's a gaslighting, tearistic email that you have the audacity to think you can stand on the moral high ground and preach to me about privacy when you're mosing into my email box when I've asked twice.

Yeah, for you not to email me anymore. Like it's the new privacy rules updated. Let me see if I can find it. It's just makes me insane.

Sounds of New York. It makes me insane these emails. And I'm always I feel like I'm always fighting, fighting these people in my email box. It's like trench warfare at all times.

No, the worst part is if I've unsubscribed, why do you think I'd give a shit about your privacy policies?

Exactly. Oh, I can't. Oh, here it is. Here it is. I've unsubscribed.

The subject is we've updated our terms and privacy policy. I'd like for you to take it over the finish line and update your privacy policy to respect my privacy policy.

I think, you know, sadly, and here's the thing about these email terrorists, you can't reply to them. No, they have it set up towards a one sided relationship.

And so they're invading your privacy. And I'd like to respond to that email and say, please add do not email Jennifer Welch to your privacy policy because you continue.

And it's like, sorry, this is a mass email. You can't, you can't respond to this. So it's just the email terrorism that goes unaddressed at all times and everybody's trying to rack it.

You know, just running some bracket via email and targeting you and then out of all of the things in the world, like, do you think I give a fuck in this surveillance state that we're living in right about your privacy policy?

Really? Like, I have an idea. How about be a corporation that stands up to Trump and his invasion of all of our privacy and Peter teal? How about email that out?

We're a corporation that's going to stand up against MAGA and Palantir. Do that. Now I'd be like, OK, I'll re-subscribe. I'm in. I'll buy some merch from you. Let's roll. Game on.

No, I completely agree with that. And you know, whenever you talk about privacy policies, it always clicks my head. Like anytime somebody talks about their privacy policy, it always immediately comes into my mind that every time you go to the doctor, you have to sign the updated HIPAA, which is their privacy rules. So they make you aware of their privacy rules.

And then I think to myself, but women in abortion, man, America, you're so proud of our privacy and how you offer privacy.

But you are sending someone's private, confidential patient information to the fucking government because you want to control women and what's going on in their uterus and it just encourages me all over again.

Yeah, and that makes me think about Kevin Stitt, the governor of Oklahoma, Governor Limp Dick, this guy who is just a big, big Bible thumper.

And it seems like one of his number one agendas is to help the less than 1% accumulate wealth and to punish women. These abortion laws are punitive towards women, specifically poor women, which disproportionately affects women of color.

And so the whole Christian bullshit, these Republican politicians throw around is a total racket, but speaking of doctors in HIPAA and privacy, I'm going to pivot here for a second.

So I'm FaceTiming Josh last night, right? And so he has like, he's always got problems with his teeth. I mean, he's always got some dental crisis, right? He's always like, I've got a crown, I've got to get a new crown, I have a temporary crown.

Well, but now we've graduated to dental implants somewhere in the back of his mouth. So he goes to the oral surgeon yesterday and the nurse that's like saying, OK, well, this is your pre surgery prep blah, blah, blah.

She leans down while he's on the exam table and whispers, by the way, I know you can't take opiates.

Like it's a secret.

Well, but I mean, for from Josh's perspective, Angie, he's just going to the dentist.

She knows this information because of the podcast because she's a listener of the podcast.

Not from his file. Right. She knows this information because she listens.

And then she said, yeah, I don't want Jennifer Welch after me. So we'll be prescribing like I be pregnant. And I thought, oh my God, this is like one of the greatest things ever.

I don't have to worry about that at all anymore because if you, you know, like for me for, you know, 25 years, it's real stressful for a lot of listeners can relate and understand this.

It's incredibly stressful when you love somebody that is addicted and trying to navigate the healthcare system when you have a pre existing condition, such as addiction, which means you have an allergy.

You have a, you are, when they ask her, you allergic to medications, an addict is 100% allergic to benzodiazepines, amphetamines, opiates, etc.

A lot of doctors I have found through my great love, grand love story with one Josh Welch, don't understand addiction.

It's really troubling and they're so quick to prescribe meds in our hyped up capitalist and capitalistic medical system.

And they can prescribe relapse and it's just, it's always been such a worry of mine. So it was absolutely music to my ears that this oral surgeon, the nurse of the oral surgeon Oklahoma, if you're listening right now, shout out to you.

The sobriety takes a village and it can relate makes a village. And I just appreciate the all hands on deck nature of us managing number one, Josh's hypochondria, and number two relapse management.

And so this is just like in all of the Trump feckery that some patriot, patriot, patriot, patriot, black, patriot, brown, patriot, listener in Oklahoma City has my back.

And more than anything has Josh's back because it's, it's such a dangerous thing. And so, you know, he just he goes, yeah, so you know, I got these dental implants. And I'm like, another night, we're talking about Josh's, you know, many elements and procedures that he's going to have. And so I'm kind of like hankering down. And then he tells me that story. And I'm like, kind of perk up. I'm like, what?

Did she listen to me? He goes, well, yes, she's a listener. That's so funny. Shout out to you. I love you. I have worried about that because they told me like at 55, I would need a knee replacement. And luckily, I've been really working on trying to avoid that because I, I have the concern about going to the doctor.

And I cannot take opioids. And it's like, I would just rather have intermittent pain than have to do that because I think doctors are too quick to prescribe it. And it worries me like what I say now, all of those things. So I just want to avoid it all together.

Yeah, you know, I realized, um, Pam's and I have a friend who will remain anonymous as per the codes of sobriety. And she had an incident where she was on a dock and she's like 20, 20 plus year sober, this friend of ours, mutual friend of mine and puns, 20 plus year sober.

She's on a boat dock. Boats coming up. Anyway, her foot gets between the dock and the boat and her toe almost gets completely amputated.

She's screaming toes about to fall a big toe. And family gets her in a car, races her to the hospital. She's screaming like horrific panic is all the nerve endings down in the toe.

Like we're going to give you some morphine and we're going to give you this and throughout all of that, this woman who's 20 plus year sober.

This is like such a profile encourage seriously. She screams, do not give me any of that do not inject me with any narcotics. And her family is like, come on, quit trying to be a hero, take the drugs. And she's like, she grabs the doctor's hand.

And she told me that she grabbed the doctor's hand and she said, if you inject that into me, the pain from that is going to be a million times worse than the pain from this toe, give me what you can sew it up.

And I just thought, you know, that is really such an important story that people have to guard their sobriety with that type of tenacity.

Because it's so sad, you know, it's been so sad for me personally, when Josh and I, everything's great. And then there's a real apps. It's just, it's really devastating and the cascading effect of it is is massive.

So I really appreciate the, it takes a village to contain Josh, well, just hypothermia, hypothermia, hypocondria.

Well, now I've put that out in the world. Now he's going to start saying, you know what? I think I have hypothermia.

We had a really cold winter. I better go get an MRI. I might have hypothermia.

He's had the MRI. Remember the doctor said, finally, I don't know what you want me to do.

Yeah, you're healthy. You need to leave my office. But somehow he's talked his way into a couple of dental implants. So I would think that would be kind of hard to fake.

But I also think he's had a lot of dental issues. I will say it's a lot. It's just all, he has a lot of issues.

Well, it's hard. It's, you know what? It's hard work. He's older than you. He's a year older than me. And they always say the number one thing in your health, you need to take care of your teeth as you get older.

Yeah. All right. Let's welcome. I've had it. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie HB. I see B for beaver.

We are America's top DEI podcast. We are trying to ignite women,

gay triates, patriots, they triates, black triates, brown triates to fight for this country to start up a brand of fuck you politics where we're compassionate into the people that aren't compassionate.

We're hateful. We say fuck you. We're going to take our country back. All right. Let's, let's check in with the lezzies. Kylie.

Hi. Hi. Hi. How are the lesbians doing?

They're good. I've actually been promoted since the podcast won a glad award. I got a couple texts being like, do you feel like a superior gay? Like I'm now more gay than some other gays because I have a glad award.

I love that. I shout out to glad. So you're, you're positioning in the gay community in lesbian community is elevated. Excellent. I know a top gay.

I want an award for gayness. Yeah. Excellent. I've got a review for you guys. It's titled therapist for the psychotherapist and Hazel the therapy dog and Jenny the therapist gives you five stars. She writes, Jennifer and pumps you two are literally therapists for this psychotherapist.

I'm a psychotherapist in the DC area and every morning on my drive to a full day of clients, I start my day with I've had it. I spend my days helping people process anxiety, anger and heartbreak about the state of the world right now.

And some mornings it can feel overwhelming before the day even begins. Then you two start talking and suddenly I'm laughing in my car like a lunatic. You somehow managed to say exactly what so many of us are thinking while also bringing humor humanity and sanity back into the combo.

Truly your therapist for the psychotherapist also Jennifer as a fellow Jennifer and proud 70s baby. I'm right there with you in that generation where every classroom had five of us with the same name.

My therapy dog Hazel comes to work with me every day listens on the drive to and loves you both as much as I do.

Honestly, I think she considers herself part of the I've had a fan club. You keep me grounded, make me laugh and have become the best part of my morning ritual along with my coffee. Thank you for helping so many of us feel a little less alone out there.

Jenny the therapist that's so nice number one. I would say I have contributed a lot of money to your profession agree to try to unravel my own psychosis issues personality disorders, etc.

But number two, Jenny the therapist brings up something incredibly important and untapped portion of the capturable audience, which is the canines.

And we haven't really ever talked about this before, but my dogs for those of you watching on YouTube are right down here. You can kind of see over my shoulder.

There's a little bit closer to me right now because we all know he's a Jennifer sexual and then Hazel, you know, I want to give a shout out to the dog triads listeners that get in their cars with their owners.

And ride to wherever you have to go in this country of ours, this dictatorship that we all live in now, and this has been hard on you as well.

I mean, the president calls people he doesn't like a dog like he is he has taken your name and made it a slur and the dog bigotry coming out of this administration has not talked about our dog listeners are not talked about.

So I just want to say, Jenny, thank you so much for including Hazel in that that type of inclusivity is going to be an integral part of our opposition party and our future recovery for all of this being more inclusive to canines and we need to rectify in a tone for the fact that a man was voted for three times elected twice.

By people who say their dog levers.

And clearly they're not by their vote for Trump.

Yeah.

He said a lot of really bad things about dogs really bad.

And he didn't have a dog like he's never had a pet.

Thank God.

Thank God.

Thank God he doesn't have a dog.

Can you imagine the treatment?

You make a good point too is there are dog mayors.

There are dogs that write the subways and cities like they're being left out of politics a little bit.

Yeah.

I mean, completely that navigated the New York subway.

I think that was the Moscow subway.

I was.

Okay.

Sorry.

I thought it was your like that's pretty impressive.

I think it's not just a network of dogs that in Moscow street dogs that that that's right that that know how to go get their needs met in the city of Moscow by navigating the subways.

And I'll just say this, you know, I lived in a red state all of my life up until this past fall.

And I now live in New York City and the dog culture here is far more inclusive far more a part of everyday life than any place I've ever lived in my entire life.

So I think there is a link between people who are faux dog lovers, which I think are abundant.

And then the people who are outright bigoted towards canines like kanks.

And so I just think there's a lot, you know, we've made a strong case for quite some time.

You see in the caption to reveal part is you keep going down all of the things that are slippery slope to mag.

And dog exclusivity dog bigotry is I think definitely a contributing factor to.

Maga ism and those that are all about dog inclusivity and bringing together the canines and the human beings are clearly anti fascist anti maga.

Pretty soon we're going to see a study about it.

Always.

Speaking of studies, there's a new one that's going around that we need to talk about, which we kind of already knew, but it solidifies it says watching short form content harms the brain five times worse than alcohol.

And it dives in saying emerging neuroscience warns that binging on short form videos like reels to talk shorts can damage brain function more than alcohol.

These bite size clips overstimulate the brain's reward pathways reducing attention span weakening memory retention and increasing impulsive behavior.

They also say that it really affects critical areas like the pre prefrontal cortex.

I agree with this because I think I can feel when I do this when I binge on shorts or reels, I feel myself getting dumber I feel I feel it.

So I don't do it that often like I have really made a concentrated effort to spend a lot less time on social media, consuming stuff like this because I feel I feel like not only do I feel brain rot.

I feel like spiritual rot in it.

There's just whenever I'm just like concrete and I'm like, oh my god, stop it, put it down, go live your life, live with the humans, live with the things that are tangible, live with the things that are real.

Like I'm so over all of this shit and I have also read some studies that Gen Z is starting to wean off of social media.

I'm seeing a decline in Gen Z drinking alcohol, Gen Z's use of social media.

So I'm hopeful that they get off of it because I think it's really bad.

And then people when they're on it, like you could be talking to somebody you're like, hello, hello, hello, and they're just like.

And I think we all know who I'm talking about when I say that.

My attention span and my ability to focus is in the shitter.

And I know it's probably part of it's my age, but a lot of it I attribute to social media.

You consume a lot.

Yeah.

The minute we like there's a break filming Kylie and I are like talking.

Pumps his head is like down hunched over like totally in the algorithm or like we'll just we'll be out with people to dinners and meals and stuff.

And Pumps is just she's just in her algorithm.

And I'm just calling.

Yeah.

And I'm I'm so so so guilty of the dopamine hit of hating Trump.

I'm in that cycle like I want.

And it's fucked up.

I mean, I know it's fucked up, but it's like you just want to like, oh my god, what did you do?

You know what I mean?

Like I have become addicted to that. No question.

Yeah, it's not good for you, Pumps.

No, it's not good.

You're going to have to wane off of these these social media.

You can't be a 57 year old, um, compulsive vapor and social media addict.

It's going to be maybe this is why you're single.

I'm not many other times we got to get you got to give up one.

Either the vaping or for sure it's the social media.

I mean, come on.

Okay.

I have had it.

I have had it with people using religion as a hall pass to control everyone else's lives.

I've had it with politicians pretending the Constitution is optional when it comes to church and state.

The first amendment is actually very clear.

The government does not get to pick a religion or force one on the rest of us.

Period.

But right now Christian nationalists are trying to shove their beliefs into public schools, into laws, into courts, and we are not doing this.

The freedom from religion foundation is one of the few groups actually fighting back.

They take these cases on.

They enforce the Constitution and they protect everyone's freedom of conscience, not just one groups.

This is an anti-religion.

It's anti-forced religion.

If you're also done with this nonsense, join them.

Visit ffrf.us slash fight or text the word fight to learn more and join.

Text fight to 511, 511 and help protect a country that belongs to all of us because honestly enough is enough.

Go to ffrf.us slash fight or text fight to 511, 511.

Message and data rates may apply.

All right, listener.

When we started this podcast, there was like a million what ifs.

Like what if we botched this?

What if it tanks?

What if we fail?

What if no one listens?

Nobody buys anything.

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That's Shopify.

Okay, speaking of brain rot.

I guess this is like episode two of my series of I watched something so that nobody else had to last night.

I watched the Melania movie.

Oh my gosh, you did.

Were you able to pirate it so you didn't give her numbers?

Well, allegedly.

So it's out on streaming now, which I've been waiting for because I knew I could watch it without helping give her numbers in different ways.

So I did that.

So she didn't get any of my metrics, but I.

So last week I did Candice, right?

Yeah.

I got sucked into that.

She's entertaining.

This was probably the most difficult hour and 44 minutes of my life to get through.

It is genuinely, and this is a bipartisan opinion.

It's genuinely so fucking boring.

So I watched it.

I started it.

I'm just going to run through a couple of things I noted.

Oh, I'm so excited.

One, it's not a documentary.

It's completely scripted.

It opens with like eight to nine minutes of music playing and her just walking.

This is about the whole movie is her sitting in cars driving, trying on outfits and photoshoots, right?

Not a lot of talking.

And so it opens with the song Gimme Shelter by the Rolling Stones.

And this stood out to me because at one point I was listening to the lyrics.

And it's about like death and destruction in the Vietnam War.

Yeah.

And I look at the captions that are playing the lyrics.

And it's her.

There's a bubble out of Trump.

Rape murder.

Yeah.

And I just are so lost on these people.

So lost.

That that couldn't have been such an easy fix that has to be on purpose.

The opening song to your documentary is this.

Rape murder.

It's just a shadow way.

Rape murder.

Yeah.

So I thought that was a choice.

For sure.

And then the other thing I noticed, there's no plot at all.

It covers about three days that they stretch into an hour 44, like leading up to the inauguration.

The whole thing's fake.

It's three days.

And it's so drug out.

I mean, it's hard to watch.

It's super fake.

And you have to watch her hold Donald Trump's hand quite a bit.

And you know she hates holding his hand.

We've seen her.

The one thing they could not fake.

Is they make it known that they sleep in separate beds.

Like he says, good night.

He goes into this bedroom.

She goes into that.

So I thought through all the fakeness.

They couldn't just fake that for the documentary.

That was her line.

Right.

She did not let people think.

Let me just add something here.

If there was a documentary about Michelle Obama or Barack Obama.

And they didn't sleep in the same bed.

Fox News would go fucking life support.

I see you.

Mental institution.

Quote unquote insane asylum.

Hannibal lecture.

Shit to quote their leader.

They would lose their.

Oh, so their marriage is a sham.

So traditional marriage.

I mean, they would go fucking bananas.

And this is just such a minor point.

I don't give a fuck if they sleep in the same bed.

I don't care if the president goes golfing.

I don't care if the president goes on vacations.

Both sides take care at participating all of that.

I'm not wound up about the East Wing that much.

I don't really give a fuck about the ballroom.

I care about the shit that impacts people's lives.

But Fox, they care about all that shit.

All of it.

And if a Democrat tore down the East Wing.

Goes golfing does all the shit that the Trumps do.

They lose their mind.

But they're so bias.

And they're such cultists.

They can't call it out.

They can't call balls and strikes.

They can only call it on one side.

And I don't really give a shit about this.

If I wouldn't care if the president had a girlfriend.

I don't care about that shit.

I care about their policy and their leadership.

More than I do all of the superficial shit.

But that's something Fox would lose their minds about.

And a lot of people when they get super old like him.

I mean, like I remember my grandparents towards the end.

They didn't share the same bedroom.

I didn't think anything about it.

But I mean, we have to remember he's 80 years old.

And they say he poops in the diaper.

That's so fucking gross.

Can you imagine?

And like you've pointed out Jennifer, he eats in bed.

I mean, can't imagine.

Okay.

I went to the internet to see what some other people thought

after they watched the movie.

And so I've got a couple reviews of the movie that people left.

This one is five stars.

I watched this as a form of self harm.

This person wrote, this isn't mine.

But they saw a review that said, so bad,

Governor Abbott walked out.

Five stars, this person reviews.

I honestly didn't watch this, but I don't want to be deported.

Which I saw a lot of those.

Mick Loven writes, one of the best depictions of prostitution

in cinema, which it was.

Yeah.

And the last one, someone wrote, if I was on an airplane flight

and Melania was the in-flight movie,

I would walk out of the theater.

The internet's funny.

I'm talking.

Here's what's so gross about this whole thing is,

this is Jeff Bezos who spiked the endorsement of Kamala Harris

in the Washington Post.

There was a concerted effort by these oligarchs

to rally around this man who was dismantling the American economy,

dismantling the court system, dismantling any form of democracy

that we have, because they want to be wealthier,

because he wants to have blue origins

or whatever the fuck beyond Amazon.

Like, can you not just say, okay, I'm pretty successful.

I have the world's largest retailer

and I don't own a retail store.

Right.

And call it a day.

Go bang Lauren Sanchez as much as you want to.

Have fun.

Go Krishbite.

To not have any.

And then you have to give him a $40 million documentary

for his talentless, lying wife.

And I just want somebody to talk about the fact

that everybody knows she doesn't speak seven languages.

It's so true.

Okay, there's a scene where she's talking to Bridget McCrown

and they're discussing BeBest.

BeBest was kind of a big part of this.

The BeBest.

The BeBest.

And Melania's talking English on the Zoom.

Then Bridget responds in all French.

And Melania's nodding like she understands.

And then she responds in English.

And I thought, what?

You would respond in French.

I knew it.

I knew it.

Can't have someone's on that yet.

I'll check.

Because that to me is great content for her.

Yeah.

Melania's talking to Bridget McCrown

in some sort of coded one speaking in French.

The other speaking in English.

Melania's supposed to speak seven languages.

Did Israel unteach her how to speak French?

What's going on here?

Did Charlie Kirk have something to do with this?

What about the French Legionnaires?

Or is the trans community attacking Melania's brain

where she's unable to speak French any longer?

And this is an episode for Candace.

We need Bright of Trump series.

Oh, for sure.

Okay.

Kylie question.

Were they telling you like, were they putting subtitles

on what Bridget McCrown was saying?

Yeah, for us.

I had subtitles on.

What on it, my girlfriend and I think,

is that there was a producer off camera

telling her what Bridget said and translating it.

Of course.

Yeah.

So she did you ever hear her speak any other language

besides English?

Not.

What?

This has been their big pitch.

Melania is this international woman of mystery.

She speaks seven languages.

It's truth of the matter as we found out it sounds like.

She was an Eastern European child

that Jeffrey Epstein turned into a call girl.

And then that she was passed around Epstein's inner circle

until Trump finally landed on her.

And then decided he would keep her.

And then they had to build up this Einstein visa bullshit.

And she's this whole seven language stuff

has been a lie, a compulsive lie forever.

And again, I'm with the one that cares about this shit that much.

But if, if the claim was made, an extraordinary claim,

somebody speaks seven languages.

And I know that the people in smaller European countries do

and I'm in VS and I'm real proud of you guys.

Yeah.

But because I only speak one.

But if it was claimed that Hillary Clinton,

Kamala Harris, Michelle Obama spoke seven languages.

And then you never heard them speak the other language.

They would lose their mind.

Likewise, I will never forget this as long as I live.

When John Kerry was running for president against George W. Bush,

he speaks fluent French.

So he is at some event speaking to French people

in fluent, gorgeous French,

because I think French is just such an audibly gorgeous language.

Fox News lost their second mind because he was bilingual.

And so these people believe in fucking nothing

and their compulsive liars and they hate dogs.

On top of the murder,

they wore crimes and all of the horrible things

that are incredibly depressing to talk about.

That we talk about on I have news all the time.

I'm trying to keep this one a little bit lighter.

Trying to keep this podcast a wee bit lighter.

But on top of all the fuckery and war crimes,

they're just pathological liars,

provable pathological liars.

And allegedly, Marco Rubio was speaking recently

and you could hear him turn to Trump

and ask permission to speak Spanish.

What?

I haven't seen that clip myself,

but someone a listener deemed us that.

I'll go look into that.

But because they brag about Maloney having seven languages,

they hate people that can speak different languages.

Right.

She's also an immigrant.

Well, the stupid, I think it's Hexath,

who just said he got up on stage with Trump

and he said, I speak American, which is not a language.

He is.

He went to fucking Harvard.

It's intentional stupidity.

It is, it is a stick that they play.

It is a, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna play stupid maggot for the day.

Oh, gee, I speak American.

So I can speak to the ribs.

It's just all such a fucking con from start to finish.

Okay.

Do we want to in the episode on a couple of voicemailos?

Yes.

Yes.

Okay.

Up first, I've got one from Jake.

I have had it with

the atmosphere of babies, fitness bros, gym bros,

co-opting the fitness space into some Republican little hate.

First, which it is not, the gym is a very welcoming, inclusive place.

There are plenty of us out here who vote blue,

who love our families, who love our wives,

and like to work out so we can look good for our lovely wives.

And I just think that the space has been perverted

and I have had it with that hateful bullshit

that doesn't belong in the gym.

Well, well, well.

Is that a heterosexual male listener?

Do you hear that?

Oh, my gosh.

Did you hear that?

Did you hear that?

I was going straight to the gym.

Mm-hmm.

Do you hear that?

Yeah.

You're heterosexual.

Real men listen to I've had it.

True.

Sure.

True alpha males.

Mm-hmm.

Interesting.

Interesting.

Interesting.

He brings up a very good point.

That RFK junior has taken over that space.

And the whole maha thing is just so if I can weird.

Like you're so into health, but you also are anti-science.

Because everything that they are doing is because of the study of science

working out, increasing your heart rate, interval training, weightlifting,

you know, for longevity.

But I really appreciate that listener.

Kylie, what was that man's name?

That was Jake.

Jake.

I really appreciate Jake.

And Jake, I will tell you this.

I've noticed on Instagram that my own husband has turned into quite a gym influencer.

And here's what happens.

So his trainer makes these videos of Josh working out.

And it's like always to like really bad like white people rock music, right?

And so Roman, my youngest son, was on Instagram.

And the algorithm served up a fitness video that Josh's trainer made of him.

Exercising.

It was cut.

It was edited.

It was put to music.

Josh is doing like chin ups and push ups and like burpees and all of this stuff.

My, our youngest son immediately sends it to the family.

I immediately open it up and share it on my Instagram story.

My husband, the gym influencer.

And so I, I appreciate this because my husband's a part of your movement.

He loves the gym.

It's a huge part of his life.

It's a huge part of his recovery from drug addiction, like doing something good for your body.

And he's a much happier person when he works out.

He has a wonderful experience at the gym.

And so this, in the aftermath of all of the mega feckery, this is something we can actively start reclaiming now.

But I just appreciate you, Jake.

And I appreciate, I want to have more visibility of non-magas straight men.

I agree.

We, they need to be more visible in calling out the other whites, just like pumps and I are trying to call out the white women.

You see, Kylie, you really don't have a problem with the lezzies.

They're pretty locked in to the cause.

There's a few.

But yeah.

There's, you know, here's the thing about lesbians.

And I've said this a lot.

There's a real fine line between cowgirls and lesbians.

When you get out to rural Oklahoma, it's, it's tricky.

It's hard to tell.

You grew up in rural Oklahoma.

Yeah.

Cat was a cowgirl country.

Literally.

Literally.

It's a weird, it's a weird thing.

And I think in the Bible belt, this is, I'm trying not to sound like an asshole.

I think you, please do something like an asshole.

There's not a ton of gay culture, right?

You're a little bit deprived of it.

And so style is not something you're surrounded by, you know, in gay style.

And so I think there's quite a lack of it.

And I think there's a really confusing thing for people that they go through.

They don't know what to look like when they realize they're gay.

And there's a lot of cowgirl culture.

I just think there's a weird mix.

And my girlfriend and I have really noticed out on the coast how attractive

you are and well dressed and not cowgirl like the gay's are out here.

And that was, okay, I want to jump back to something here that you just said,

which I think it'd be really interesting for the listener to dive into with you.

And you said you don't know how to dress once you realize your gay.

Right.

Explain that.

I think, like me personally, and I think a lot of people, like I was wearing chevron,

I was wearing chunky jewelry, I was wearing dresses because I was in this room.

You were kind of forming.

You were kind of forming to what you thought.

Yeah.

You don't fear out your style yet because you haven't even figured out your sexuality.

So once you have that epiphany, you're kind of like, well, I want people to know.

Like I want to, now I want to fit into that community.

And so you start to try to dress.

And sometimes it goes really bad until you figure it out.

And hopefully you do figure it out.

Some don't.

Who was your first crush on a girl?

What age and who was the person?

Like real life.

Girl.

Just whether it was somebody in a movie or real life, like when was the first, like real,

like you felt like, oh, I really, really like this person.

And it was kind of like how pumps feels about that one girl.

Pumps, who is it?

What's her name?

Gabrielle Union.

Yeah.

Like, yeah, when was your first crush like pumps has on Gabrielle Union?

Okay.

In hindsight, I was a very big gaga fan.

And I just thought, because I liked her artistry and her music.

It's a very gay thing.

You gravitate towards that.

So that was a super gay fandom I had.

And then celebrity wise, like, Car of Day Levine, do you guys know who that is?

Yeah.

We saw her at the Glad Awards.

And I also follow her sister, Poppy Day Levine.

I think they're both fashion icons.

I love both Cara and Poppy.

And nobody ever talks about Poppy.

But she is not a bit as gorgeous and her sense of style.

And is right up there with Carolyn Bassett.

Oh, yeah.

Which I've got a had it in New York.

Everybody's obsessed with Carolyn Bassett.

And now everybody's trying to dress like JFK and Carolyn Bassett.

Instead of having their own style, it's everywhere.

It's like COVID spreading.

I went to on Sunday.

I went to the John F. Kennedy Jr.

Lookalike contest.

You went to the square park.

Yes.

So let me just tell you in the listener this before we take the next caller,

because this is worthy.

So Jonathan Van Ness of queer eye fame.

And his husband Mark, my son's girlfriend, Sydney,

and you liberal progressive YouTube influencer, Jack Cocharella.

What happened is I made plans with three different people.

I forgot Sydney was coming to New York.

I forgot that JVN and I texted that we were going to have a Sunday,

and then I made plans with Jack Cocharella to go to brunch.

So then I'm like, oh, fuck Saturday night.

So I just sent out a text, hey, everybody.

We're all going to go to this JFK Jr. Lookalike contest together.

Jack expand the brunch reservation.

This and everybody just went along with it worked out perfectly.

Like a sundown or moment, totally fixed it, right?

Fixed the whole thing.

So Jack Cocharella comes to my apartment first.

And we start walking towards Washington Square Park.

And we're walking down Fifth Avenue,

and we can hear this like rally.

Like a protest.

Oh, I said, oh, my God, it's a protest.

We got to hop in it.

He goes, what are they processing?

I said, I don't know.

And they're probably like four of the short blocks down Fifth Avenue.

And as we get closer, I see Iranian flags, American flags,

Israeli flags, and then big posters that say, thank you, President Trump.

And I was like, well, I'm not including myself into this protest at all.

This looks like a really fucked up protest.

And I want no part of it.

So we Powerwalk passed them.

And I looked at Jack and Sydney, because we were going to meet JVN

in this husband under the arch at Washington Square Park.

And so we Powerwalk down.

And I said, I'm telling you, these protesters

are going to fuck up this JFK junior thing.

They are going to ambush us.

They are going to fuck it up.

It's like, no, they'll probably break up by them, right?

So we get to the contest.

I see all the people.

The JFK junior look like people.

It's very exciting.

There were some gay triets there.

There were some, there was a black tree at there.

So people were coming up to me.

I didn't think I'd see you at the JFK junior look like contest.

I was like, I'm totally, I love stupid shit like this.

So meet up with JVN who had done his hair.

He fixed, this is just from the side.

He'd fixed his hair like super curly walks.

And because I'm sorry, I look like Lionel Richie today.

Of course.

Okay.

So we're in it.

And we're like trying to peek out and look at the JFK juniors.

And there's girls dressed like Carolyn.

And just harmless fence.

A gorgeous day, like 65 degrees.

No one.

Gorgeous weather.

And there's nothing more intoxicating than a gorgeous day in New York City.

So, just as I predicted, the freak show.

We left Donald Trump.

Weird.

Pro or pro war protests and listen to any Iranian listeners.

I understand that your country is not a mole.

I do not think Donald Trump is coming to save Iranians.

All right.

So anybody who says thank you, Donald Trump, for anything.

It's just a red flag in my book.

This is not a foreign policy podcast.

We're just not going to get into that.

So if I heard anybody's feelings or whatever, just stick to the story.

So of course, these fuckers come down with their thank you president.

Trump.

And they've got whistles.

And I looked at everybody.

I fucking told you they were going to do it.

I knew they were going to ambush this competition.

So I never got to find out who won.

So JVN is like, oh my god.

Oh my god, these people are terrifying.

So we go out around Washington Square Park and we finally get away from all of them.

So I have no idea who won.

But I went to the contest before it was ambushed by the Iranian Maga movement.

It's make Iran great again.

I'm surprised Lindsey fucking.

The grand wasn't there.

That old queen.

God.

All right.

Let's do another caller.

Sorry.

That was it.

That was really fun for the listener.

I think that's cool that you went there.

Thank you.

Were the guys hot?

And did they?

That's what I was going to ask.

Were they all super cute?

And then all the girls that were there watching it.

There was way more girls there than there was guys, which I thought was really darling.

And so probably like from early 20s to like early 30s.

And they were all dressed super cute.

And they all wanted to get a gander at the hot single guys.

I don't know.

I just thought I thought the whole thing was just darling.

I've loved it.

I wish I knew who won.

Yeah.

But it was I was served this on my Instagram for you page.

Like there's going to be this event.

And so when I was making plans with everybody, not realizing I was it all worked out.

Everybody was 100% ongoing to the JFK junior lookalike contest.

It was a great day.

It was a great day for everybody except for the JFK junior lookalike.

People that got ambushed by the Iranian maget protest.

You just get everything.

You got everything.

You just get everything.

Everything supporters.

Iranian maget supporters.

All right everyone.

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Okay, we're gonna take a call from Michael.

Hey, Jennifer. Hey, pumps. Hey, Kylie.

This is Michael, a gay tree at here reporting for duty.

I just first wanted to say that

Jen and pumps have been huge fans of yours

since the Swing Home Oklahoma days.

I think it's time for a reboot for sure.

Cut short too soon and you have to keep rebooting

stupid shit that doesn't need to be rebooted

or wasn't even get the first time.

That's a had it for another day.

But what I've had it with these days and today

is unfortunately one of my favorite artists

or former favorite artists, Nicki Minaj.

She has absolutely jumped the shark, if you will,

and is sipping the Republican Party and Donald Trump

allegedly to Curry favor to gain a pardon

for her husband's crimes, which I guess tracks to me.

But now every time she comes on my shuffle,

I unfortunately have to skip.

She's, yeah, I just can't support that anymore

seeing her on stage with Erica Kirk

calling Donald Trump an assassin as a, I guess, compliment.

Just, yeah, broke my heart.

And now I'm also sort of paranoid that,

oh, my other girlies, my pop girlies, my rap girlies,

I'm worried what their politics are.

Is anyone safe these days who is confirmed,

safe or who might be lurking in the mega corners?

I don't know.

And now it's really sort of contributed

to this paranoia that I have that I'm going to find out

that one of my favorite artists tomorrow

is going to come out and support Maga.

And I just, I don't know what to do anymore.

So fair.

This has happened to me, not with Nicki Minaj,

but like I have this, I watch a bunch of sports podcasts

and the sky I really like.

And he, I found out he's pro Trump

and I had to unsubscribe.

Like you just have you, this movement has shown

you just cannot be safe with people.

The people you least expect are the most morally bankrupt

as it turns out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's a, it's pretty gross

that after what everybody has seen this far,

whether it's Nicki Minaj,

and I think obviously the caller alluded to her wanting

to get some sort of pardon for some pedophile

or something, which is just, you know, it's perfect for Maga.

But the thing about sports,

when we talk about this a lot pumps,

there's just no excuse.

Like the people that are into sports

seem to be the biggest proponents

on the front lines of civil rights

and of speaking out

and making sure they are good stewards

for anti-black racism.

And I think that if we ever get past this,

that black athletes should organize

and just start canceling the shit

at a commentators, podcasters

that supported this regime,

but then profit off of sports

that are dominated by African Americans

because it's gross

and exploitation of black people

is just so cooked into American culture.

People think, oh, this guy can entertain me,

but he can't have a political opinion.

And I just think it's really super duper, duper gross.

So gross, awful.

Okay, the last one today is going to be from Emily.

Ily, my name's Emily, I'm from North Carolina.

I wanted to call in just to share a nickname

that I've come up with in the last couple of weeks or so

listening to.

I've had it in IHIP.

I think that we should call this Trump regime

the United Cucks of America.

And I say that because they're so happy to sit

in the corner of the country in Washington, D.C.

and watch their policies,

absolutely fuck the American people.

So yeah, I love that little nickname.

I thought that y'all would like it.

I think that I was channeling my energetic for welch

when it came to me, but I love y'all

and I wish you the best.

Thanks, Emily.

Emily, I totally agree.

They are Cucks, all of them.

It's a great word I forget about.

And you know that, I mean, here's the thing.

They're all Cucks.

And if we really had some sort of patriot in this country,

this to me would be one of the most patriotic acts,

the tech industry could do to a tone

for their capitulation to Donald Trump.

If let's say somebody that works at Palantir or Google

or Apple were to hack into,

and this is just hypothetical.

So everybody calm down, all right?

If they were to hack into Lindsey Graham, Ted Cruz,

JD Vance, Josh Hawley, Little Moses, Mike Grindr's phone.

And we had search history.

We had burner account access.

And they released all of this anonymously dumped it.

And I also went canxes.

Yeah, but he can't really get on the shelf.

I think it's, I don't think hers would be that juicy.

I think it would be of herself.

I don't think she's got a boyfriend out there.

She's texting.

I don't, I think she's such an ice bitch.

I don't even think she fucks pumps.

I just don't think that's something that I don't even

see her as like even wanting to do that.

But I think that the biggest act of patriotism

would be somebody, and I'm just saying this hypothetically

in a hypothetical situation that works

for one of these companies, maybe not the CEO,

but some patriot underneath with access

to get all of this shit and then just release it.

Because here's the thing, you know, you know,

it is a gold mine.

We would pull, we would go live on I've had it

and pull it off.

I'd are with paperclips and highlighters and flow charts

and just fucking manic coverage wall to wall, fucking,

I would make Candace Owens go out of business.

I'm a maniac surrounding the diagnosis

and each little thing, each little spelling error

would be so laser focused on this.

I would live for this sort of patriotism.

I want this information.

Well, you know, we just heard like in the last week

that it is confirmed that one of the doge goons

like under 25, he took every single bit of information

about Americans through Social Security

and put it on a floppy disk or I don't know

what they're called nowadays.

But so you know that information is out there

and I would almost say it would fall

under whistleblower protection.

That go ahead and release it.

You're covered because all of these people

are committing crimes and they're fucked up.

Because here's all you need to know about Lion Ted Cruz.

All right.

On one of the anniversaries of 9-11, all right.

You know Ted Cruz is always like God bless Donald Trump.

God bless America, support our troops.

You jizzin' on the flag and shit, right?

Lion Ted Cruz liked a porn tweet.

So here's the thing for Lion Ted Cruz,

I don't give a shit if you like porn.

I don't genuinely don't care.

Little grinder, Moses Mike.

If little grinder's out on grinder,

I genuinely don't care.

What bugs the shit out of me is the fucking hypocrisy

and then brow beating during the day

and bullying something during the day

that you've fetishized at night.

And that shit to me would be the ultimate reckoning

of exposing little grinder, Ted and all the others,

all the others.

That would be, I think probably for me personally,

one of the more healing things,

one of the more spiritual things I could go through in my life

is to see all these, all their fucking shit

that they did because you know, so juicy.

Great, totally great.

That's all we have.

Please, if you're watching us on YouTube,

make sure you have subscribed to this channel

and we will see you next Tuesday and Thursday.

I'll tell you what I've had it with.

Jared, I've had it with them.

Listen up, Patriots, Gatriots and Patriots.

We have a new podcast that has dropped.

It's called IHIP News.

It's Monday through Friday, every day,

15 to 20 minute hot takes on the political landscape

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Please go rate, subscribe and review

so that we will chart upwards

with America's greatest legal mind,

pumps, pumps, what does an eagle say?

Kaka, a little bit more enthusiasm.

Kaka, that's it, that's, that's, Kaka,

that's the patriotism that this country needs right there.

Thank you.