In this special episode of Dearest Suzie, we look back on the April 1965 letters from Bill Lowie—a month defined by loss, guilt, long stretches of boredom, and small moments of unexpected joy. Now firmly settled into his new role with the Cobras, Popi spent April flying missions that ranged from uneventful to harrowing, often with little warning as to which kind the day would bring.

Early in the month, Popi wrote about grieving the death of fellow pilots and struggling to make sense of a war that never quite felt like it was being won. By the end of the month, he was writing through tears, haunted by a mission gone wrong that left two close friends dead—one of them killed while following Popi’s request for help. In what is perhaps the most heartbreaking letter of the series so far, Popi admits to feeling responsible and writes to Suzie not as a husband reporting home, but as a man unburdening his conscience.

But April wasn’t only sorrow. It also brought new photos, monkeys learning to swim, plans for R&R in Hong Kong, and a custom Italian silk suit. He received the Vietnamese Cross of Gallantry and mailed home a short-timer’s calendar counting down the days until his return. April is the month the war starts to feel heavy. Not just dangerous, but exhausting. It’s the month Popi’s steady voice begins to crack—not because he’s weak, but because he’s still human.

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