Advice for High-Achieving Women Facing Burnout

0:00Fora is the modern travel agency for people who want to turn their love of travel planning into a real business. Become a Fora advisor today at foratravel.com slash boss babe. That's f-o-r-a travel.com slash boss babe and make sure you tell them we sent you foratravel.com slash boss babe. Welcome back to the boss babe podcast. Okay, I have another live episode coming to you because we did the conversation between me and Laurie and at this book launch event me and Laurie also brought out an amazing panel and this panel took a turn that I was not expecting. I'm going to be honest I thought this was going to be a panel on building business. It was anything but that. So let me just first tell you who's in the room. Jen Gottlieb wrote the book on visibility and is one of the best speakers I have ever watched. She's currently growing like 60,000 followers on month on Instagram. About half a million in the last few months alone. She's just crossed a million followers. Lindsay is the founder of Powerhouse Women which just turned 10 years. She fills a room with hundreds

1:08and hundreds of women per year completely organically. No ads and she will tell you why that works and how she does it. Lindsay Marie is one of the most powerful community builders I've ever met and Koya Webb is a wellness teacher and breathwork practitioner. She built Get Loved Up and her new book Wellbeing Rituals is about the rituals that bring you back to yourself and regulation when it feels like nothing else is working. So there's a few things that took a turn that I wasn't expecting. Jen opening up about being willing to be seen which I think is something a lot of people struggle with especially with social media. Lindsay gets really real about how it feels like everything falls apart before something really big happens. We all have heard the breakdown comes for the breakthrough but her story on the sexually really powerful and then Koya talks about something really really powerful and she calls it wisdom in your wounds. So how the thing that you reach for when life knocks you down shows you exactly where the work is. It's a really honest conversation. A friend read my book

2:09right before this event and told me something that stuck. He said this is a business book yes but what people actually get at the end is freedom of time and freedom of mind. It's a mindset book but it talks about business and I thought that was really really interesting because I do talk a lot about mindset and nervous system so it makes sense also that this is where this panel went. It was really really good and had a lot of women in the room in tears for all of the good reasons. So with that let's jump in. All right we're so excited you guys are here. Thank you for coming all like all the way you guys are coming from all over to support us and I think that those are the most fun text messages is when you when you're thinking of people and you send them and you're like they might say no I don't know they could say no and then you get yes is back and it's like absolutely I can't wait I can't wait to celebrate you and it's like that's literally the best feeling as a friend as a woman as being supported in business like this so I know I'm a half a half a half a half the both of us

3:11were really grateful that you guys are here so I'm gonna start with Jen so Jen we've been talking about this you're known for being one of the best public speakers out there along with Aaron King where she what what but truly one of the best public speakers I've seen you so many times and it never gets old you only get better I can't wait to watch you again I get to watch you again really soon but now you have like out of nowhere been growing your social by 30 to 60,000 people a month like you are in a race to a million you're gonna be there tomorrow basically and it's been everyone give her a follow up yet yeah let's get that needle moving exactly and you know out of all that how many of you like have people that you watch for inspiration but it's kind of like you keep saying yourself but I can't do it like them one of the things that I'm really inspired by with Jen is that she's showing people number one how you can do it like her and you found a way that's really authentic and it's giving me so much hope again so with that said I would love to know like tell

4:18me where your passion for the belief of being seen having people be seen and also kind of what reignited that came from hi guys so the fact that we're here celebrating earn your happy is really monumental for me and that you just asked me about being seen and why it's important to be seen and why this means something to me and why I wrote a book about visibility really because back in the day about almost I would say about nine years ago nine years ago I was a personal trainer that was my first company back in Manhattan and I would spend hours and hours and hours walking up and down the streets of New York just like going to my clients from five in the morning to nine o'clock at night and I was listening to podcasts the podcast the only podcast that I could find and the only podcast that I could find was this pretty pink podcast that said earn your happy on it with this beautiful blonde girl and I'm like oh my gosh and I look her up on the internet and she's this like fitness girl and she's a personal trainer and she's gorgeous and she's a podcast and I'm like

5:19this is amazing I want to be her and I find this girl Lori Harder and she talks to me all day long as I walk up and down the streets of Manhattan and I remember visualizing one day I will meet Lori Harder one day I will know her what would I even say to her if I met her I would she was like a friend in my head and I would always say to myself if Lori can do it I can do it she had no idea who the hell I was I was just this girl out there building a business and I would watch her on social media and I would listen to her podcast and she empowered me without even realizing that she was empowering me just like Natalie what you were talking about earlier think about the girl that you're helping think about that one girl you're talking to Lori had no idea that she was talking to me and she was empowering me one day at a time because she had the courage to be seen because she had the courage to pick up the microphone even though she had anxiety I didn't know that I'm like she's so confident I need to be more confident like Lori so because somebody else had the courage to get on a microphone and to talk about whatever the hell she felt like talking about that day

6:24it they all weren't perfect but I loved every single one of them I loved the imperfect episodes I felt like someone was there with me and because she had the courage to do that I then took her courage and I went out there and I did this and so you guys being visible is not it's not about you right I feel like it's my responsibility to be seen because every day that goes by that you're not going out there and being seen and being visible talking about what you talk about and helping the people that need your help is another day that those people are going to go follow someone else or they're listed to someone else they'll buy from someone else that's maybe not as good as you or doesn't care as much as you maybe it's even AI is not even a human because you were to nervous or worried about what people would think of you so to answer your question Lori the reason that visibility is so important to me is because I've experienced for it firsthand you being seen waiting your books doing your podcasts gave me the courage to do this and now I can help other people too and like I secretly manifested my best friend thank god thank god if someone is out there waiting for you to be

7:30their best friend so go be seen would you but the second part of that question I'd really like to know is also and thank you so much for that and it's filmed everybody so I get to watch it back again and again and again the second part is what ignited this like second portion of what's happening right now because it's been I mean you've been at this for a while but there was a shift so tell me a little bit about the shift why you fell back in love with social and what's happening I didn't know I mean I've been doing this for a really long time you guys I've been going live on Instagram every single day for four and a half years every day putting my makeup on live like I have been and I want to make sure I say this part because it kind of looks like I like overnight popped and there was this moment and I now all of a sudden I have been doing this for a long time and there were years where I was posting every single day going live every single day and nothing was happening crickets no one with no movement no nothing and I was pushing and I was like is anybody ever going to see this is ever going to matter and so I kept going I think the key is like Laurie

8:33you were saying also about your podcast is you kept going and you kept going and you kept sticking with commitments that you made with yourself and you build confidence along the way so it was like social media kind of became like brushing my teeth for me I didn't go a day without doing it even if it didn't work so a real could chip the bed an entire day of content could chip the bed it didn't matter the next day I was still going to get up and I was going to do it because it was a non-negotiable habit if you keep doing something again and again and again and it is a non-negotiable habit you don't make a decision if you're going to do it or not you just do it you are eventually going to start winning you're going to eventually going to start figuring it out you're going to get a win and when you start to get wins you all know how this feels when you get the dopamine of it working then you get addicted to doing it but you got to stay in it long enough to get the dopamine of doing it so I stayed in it long enough and eventually I got hit right we get one viral reel holy crap okay I got a viral reel what did I do so what I do is I study why did this real go viral what did I do here and then I just do it again and I do it

9:38again until it hits again so what we're doing is we're compounding when it hits and when it wins and we're also compounding the dopamine to inspire us and motivate us because motivation does not come from a motivation fairy that taps you on the head and is like okay you're going to love social media now no I I started to love social media because I played the game long enough to figure out how to win and every time you get a little win like oh I did that I did the damn thing it worked oh now I like this and then I started getting a little bit more creative with it and having fun and it's almost like the stock market right like compounding interest when you've put enough in all the sudden it goes like this and that's what happened it was a long time in the making but I've been doing it long enough so my message to you guys would be if you're sitting here thinking why isn't this working Natalie was right we've never been in a better time we have never this is the moment you guys I'm like this is the anyone see Jacqueline Hyde me is going to Broadway kids this is the moment no okay no wrong take your word for it wrong room okay we have never if you guys can pop

10:46I just saw there's this has anyone seen Kumar is it anyone not that real Kumar okay y'all no I have to tell you about this really quick this is important there is a retired accountant that just decided to hop on to Instagram last week he has three videos on Instagram three he already has over I think he's at 800,000 followers now what videos he is he is a retired accountant an old guy and he's just declared he made these amazingly these beautiful reals I'll tell you why they work if you give me more time but I could go on about this forever I have as much time as you want tell us what's going on okay so you cannot it's the the Kumar method or something he makes these videos that are they're funny they're beautifully edited and they're like satire so he's joking and he comes on he's like all of the finance bros I'm Kumar and I have come to take your job but the best part of the whole video this is what I want you guys to lean into on to because authenticity is key no matter what and yes these videos are professionally edited they were a lot of work and thought went into them but the second half of the video if you watch it long enough it's like this like really

11:50fancy video of this guy like you know with all these like this photo shoot situation march you'll see but the second half it's him and his wife sitting at their desk with like regular lighting it like looks like crap and the wife comes in and she's like please help my husband get famous please follow him so it was like half professionally well done and half authentic real normal and I think that is what did it and so now everybody's watching everyone's following Kumar to close the loop here he started that page last week anybody can do this if you walk out of here with anything I want you to walk out of here with two things and then I will shut up and I will stop talking number one it is your responsibility to be visible think about me and Lori think about anyone that's ever helped you the reason that you're in this room right now you're going to meet a new friend today you're going to get inspired to go out there into the world and do something cool because you heard about this event because someone had the courage to be out on the internet talking about the fact that this event existed

12:53so be that for somebody else and then the second thing is that this is the moment post the video post whatever the hell it is it could be ugly it could be bad it could be gross it doesn't matter the only bad content is the content that stays in your drafts and doesn't get posted because the video that you post that you think is the worst video in the world that's not going to do anything has the power to completely change your life Kumar's life has changed watch forever forever so that's it yeah I love that so good all right I'm going to pull some things out of my drafts you're going to see real soon here okay maybe we all be like come on I can't wait for you to see him I'm so excited so excited that's the first thing I'm doing when I got off Steven's going to be coming in the background of make my wife famous did you see his time square yeah so just sight tangent this is so hilarious so I was like ready to tap out on book launch day I didn't want to make a big fuss of that day I really wanted it to enjoy it on my own

13:57and my husband was like I'll do the promo for you you take the day I'll do the promo for you so we put this cardboard cutout saying my wife wrote a book and I thought he was going to go stand in time square and take a picture he spent the entire day walking around New York convincing people to buy my book he went into we work he's crying he's doing Google translate to the people that don't understand what he's saying hilarious it was the best please share that video because he will he will love that I mean our husbands need to take notes just saying Chris harder okay all right Lindsay you are also celebrating this year 10 years of powerhouse women which is absolutely incredible you guys this event who's who's been to her event before raise your hand how amazing is it it's one of my favorite events of the entire year I mean 800 women from all over the world and I have had events I know what it takes to get 800 people in a room that's mind

14:58blowing first of all second you truly are somebody who as I've watched you go through all of the things that you have been through just this massive evolution since I have met you and we were little babies you know you have become a friend who's been able to just literally extract the wisdom out of some of the most painful experiences in life like our friends really look at you like you are there personal Yoda that they go to truly and sit across booths and say even last night say how can I how can I hire you how can I get you in my life to do whatever it is that you're doing for me right now I want to know you know for you you talk a lot about how it's been less of a strategy for you to get to this very embodied version of you and it's been more of a beingness can you kind of speak into that I think as I went along over the last decade scaling especially the event because I realize it's not normal to be able to easily fill an event with hundreds of women and we do

16:04it all organically it's no ads it's just been actually easy for me to do that because I've always deeply followed my own intuition I have not done it the way that most people told me to do it and there's other areas of my life I'm not that willing to listen that deeply to my intuition no matter what everyone else says but I've always had this example in my life that there's a way I could operate that has ease it feels fun it feels like it's truly aligned with what I'm here on this earth to do and every time I would get the question more of a strategy based question okay how did you do it how did you build the community around it because it is very community driven I don't personally drive the results of all of those women being in the room even I met Constance earlier and she said yeah we're coming this year and we've just been telling our girlfriends yeah you got to come that's my marketing plan but it wasn't intentional it was a response to who I was being

17:06and if I could give you anything I think it's to realize that absolutely always ask the strategy questions ask how someone did it but also make sure that you're asking someone you admire someone you look up to now tell me who you had to become because every single time my business had a very public up level what most people didn't realize is it was preceded by a season that felt like a massive personal unraveling is anyone else experienced that and so I just started to get really curious about that process I'm deeply curious about personal transformation and growth I have a lot of Scorpio in my chart if anyone's an astrology girly so it's now it all makes so much sense but I've just always been so enamored with how do I hack the game how do I hack the system I don't think it has to be hard I've had experiences in my life where something felt easy and I've had experiences where I really was more in that hustle energy and that's why I've been loving your book because I

18:06feel like you're speaking exactly to what I've experienced and what I've found is that we can do it one of two ways and this is really what the book is going to also give you a game plan for is we can do it the way where we find the best strategy we hire all the best mentors I've worked with some of the most brilliant mentors on the planet we hustle we follow and study what someone else is doing we repeat that and it feels a little bit like we have to force it we have to force ourselves to do things that aren't naturally are gifting we have to force ourselves to post consistently on social media where maybe our audience is somewhere else we're trying to follow someone else's blueprint instead of learning how to tune into our own which I'm so excited to hear more from you because a lot of mine has been through working with my body understanding how breath work can help me bring help bring me back to my own intuition but it's also been from realizing that every single time

19:10every time and if you study your own life I bet this might also be true every single time I ask to be expanded if I really study what's happening in that moment I'm also asking to be shown where I'm limited I can say I want a freedom based business in that moment when I don't also realize the sole contract that's happening is I'm saying show me where I'm not free but then when those things show up in our life when we start to feel that tension and feel that pressure we think we're doing something wrong or we think oh gosh this means I'm not meant for a freedom based business it means people hate me I may have gone to the depths of what it all means and I started just in the last two years having some really big opportunities to be with some very big unraveling and I just started to ask a better question okay I've been asking for expansion how is this showing me everywhere that I'm not

20:12yet ready to hold everything I'm asking for and when I flipped it like that and said well maybe this doesn't mean I'm doing something wrong maybe this means I absolutely can have I am destined for the things that I desire I'm just not ready for them yet and if I look at everything that's challenging me as a moment where I get to choose my higher self I get to choose to be that version of me who has the thing and stop thinking I'm fucking up somehow because everything is unraveling literally everything then maybe just maybe it's a little bit easier to find myself to the other side so the result of all of it has been the most delicious emotional freedom I've ever experienced I thought I was after financial freedom and all the other freedoms I am time freedom but the emotional freedom has been the one that has been the unlock for all of the others so I sit here today and I I still don't have the physical end results that I've been calling in I'm still going through a lot of learning all the

21:18places in myself where I'm still not free I'm still not able to hold the freedom that I'm calling but I'm getting really close and I can tell because like weird shit is starting to happen it's like where it gets fun because you're starting to get the dopamine hit to say okay I knew it I knew it could feel easier I knew there could be more flow there could be more freedom in it and so that's the game I'm I'm excited to play is I want to learn how to hack this whole this whole game we call like building the life that we want to realize that there's always an internal blueprint and most often that's the last place that we look we all have that one friend who loves to plan hi it's me I'm the friend she's booked the restaurant she's built the whole trip itinerary and she does it for free for fun and if that friend is also you listen up forer is the modern travel agency for people who want to turn their love of travel planning into a real business as a travel advisor with forer your subscription unlocks best in class training booking in payments technology industry leading

22:21AI tools and a global community of insiders and with a network of over 5,000 preferred partners you can offer your clients VIP perks upgrades result credits late checkout you actually in commission on hotels cruises and experiences I talk constantly about building a business that gives you freedom instead of taking it and that's what a forer advisor gets your clients your hours built around your life in fact one of the women in our freedom fast track program is a forer advisor that's how this actually landed on my radar right now planning trips is an expensive hobby this is how it becomes a business become a forer advisor today at forer travel dot com slash boss babe that's f or a travel dot com slash boss babe and make sure you tell them we sent you forer travel dot com slash boss babe that just resonated so much because it really is so true you can have all the external freedom in the world and if you don't feel that inner freedom you've built a really beautiful cage

23:25and it doesn't feel freeing at all and koi yeah this is such a big reason that I was so excited that you're joining us you are such an expert in nervous system regulation and you have built an incredible business showing people how to do that and one of the things we were talking about backstage was very similar to what you were saying Lindsay a lot of the biggest unlocks for you when it comes to inner freedom have been on the other side of some really dark moments in your life and we were talking about why are we both writing the books that we're writing it the exact same time and part of it is because we don't want everyone to have to go through that dark night of the soul to get the lesson even though if that's their journey that's their journey what is it that you are teaching that can help in that regulation and that inner freedom without necessarily having to go through that dark night of the soul that's such a good question and the first thing I want to speak to though is the wounds that we all feel when we lose a parent when we lose a job when we

24:30go through a break break up like all these things are inevitably going to happen to each and every one of us and what I want everyone to know is there's so much wisdom in your wounds if you're willing to lean in to ask yourself the question just like we look at our stats and we look at our numbers and we look at what's gonna give me the dopamine hit we get to do these saying things emotionally mentally spiritually to make sure that we're aligned with our highest potential and so I like to invite people as you're going through life we're in this human body our soul is from my belief our soul is holy and complete and as we go through this human experience we experience things that affect us in different ways a lot of those things can cause constriction in the body like when we you know lose something that we really loved or someone hurt us or someone said something negative and that puts us in survival mode when we're in survival mode we're functioning out of I just

25:33got to stay alive I just I need to get this thing I need to do this thing and that's not our highest self it's not our highest calling so we're not experiencing the life that we desire in the life we know is destined for us because we're just trying to survive and the wisdom in the room means if you look at a wound or when you're wounded and how you break open and where you break are you breaking physically are you drinking are you smoking are you going through negative self-talk are you ruminating in the mind those are your keys to where you need to heal the most and if you're willing not to just look at one area not to just look at your numbers not to just look at one area but in my book I talk about seven areas of well-being spiritual mental emotional nutritional physical social and financial each one of these are different from all of us but if we're looking at them and saying where is my weakest area and when I get wounded which one goes off right do I go and eat all the things do I stop working out do I abandon my face do I emotionally explode on

26:41the people that I love do I have a lot of negative self-talk do I retreat to myself and decide I don't want to be around people because I can't trust people anymore and does my bank account tank because now I feel like I'm an imposter and I don't want to do my work so each time we go through something challenging if we look at what area of our life takes the biggest hit that's where the wisdom is that will take you to your next level of growth that will take you to your next level expansion it's not about to me I've realized that it's not about being like anybody else it's not about the number in the bank account is how connected do I feel with myself how happy do I feel with myself because four years ago I had a team of 21 people I was making way more money than I thought I could ever make one year I said I want to make six figures the next year I was paying my team six figures so I had no idea that I was growing so fast and I had no idea what I was doing I was just

27:43doing everything that brought me joy I was going to the beach I was talking to my friends I was working with brands and then I one day I woke up and I was like yoga leggings can't pay my bills y'all give me some money you know and then I started with my first post fifty dollars and then some of my biggest posts have been fifty K you know and so I scaled because I was doing what I loved but then one day I woke up and I was like I'm with brands that I don't even like people are asking me to do things I don't want to do how did I get here you know because sometimes you're moving so fast that you don't realize you're out of alignment you're out of alignment with your soul you're out of alignment with your authentic self you've been watching everybody on social media and you're just trying to follow the trends and next thing you know you know ditch like how did I get here or maybe you built a big community but you're like I don't be I don't want to work 12 hours a day right and so what I learned is I had to take a step back because after I did my

28:50most successful virtual treat we had eight thousand opt-ins on zoom I had people from the around the world in spirituality wellness and entrepreneurs that agreed to come and bring their communities entrusted me and it was incredibly successful and that night I sent in my bathtub and I cried I just cried you know why because I was lonely I built all this big community and big team and I didn't even have anyone to celebrate with I had been through a lot of toxic relationships and didn't trust many anymore I had people that I knew but I hadn't created depth in my sisterhoods and my friendships I would do for you you would do for me and then everybody go about their merry way right but I wasn't having deep conversations so I cry and I realized like what am I doing this for so I achieved my purpose but I hadn't really got clear on what I needed to be well and so when I

29:56look at my breakdown in that moment I realized that they're lying my answer I needed to kill my relationship with men and my father and I needed to create deeper sisterhood that was the wisdom that came with that wound that I felt when everyone else thought I should be happy it doesn't matter what anyone thinks at the end of the day it only matters if you're happy it doesn't matter how many numbers you have on Instagram it doesn't matter how many books you sell if you're not happening in your soul that's who you got to sit with at the end of the day so I chose to move from LA to Atlanta I went to this book called Sacred Woman by Queen of Four I'll call her my spiritual mother I took epsom salts I bathed myself I got my morning sun and I did all these rituals which is why my book is named well being rituals now until I could come home to my soul during clubhouse days y'all we were staying up to 3 a.m. right I was in the room waiting to get to the top and

30:58pitch my business the event the get loved up retreat that I was doing online and I did it but guess what I was worn out I was slipping vodka in my grain juice and I don't even drink vodka someone left it over my house and I just need to take to edge all so you know it's doing so many things out of alignment and then I was like no I'm gonna stop drinking I'm gonna go back green juice only and I just I just really start to look in turn and say what's really hurting you and at the time I was making the transition three women call me and they're like okay we want to do this big thing on clubhouse you're gonna be great for it and what you do it and this one and normally I always say yes because I love these women I love what they do I love their businesses but I was like I just want to have dinner I just need I need something deeper I'm feeling unfulfilled and we had dinner every Tuesday and we built a deep relationship and those women were my bride angels at my wedding six months later right because I chose to not just let it stay on a surface level I chose to go

32:05deep and I chose also not to judge and save myself I built a big community I'm happy I'm reigniting now but I want to invite you if you're in the season of healing and readjusting like if your seeing your life is not fully aligned with where you wanted to be be okay with taking a pause with going deeper would not being there yet and just saying I'm not that where I want to be but right now I'm figuring out what I really want not what media tells me I should want not what my friend has but what I really want and that is your wisdom and your wounds will show you every time because those places you should be happy the job you should be happy in but you're not be honest with yourself if you're not you're not and you can have the same job as someone else and you know like no it is not doing it for me and the more you're honest with yourself the more you can let your breakdowns be your breakthroughs and just recently when I was going through that was during the pandemic I was led to breath healing and in breath healing I was able to come back to myself and to release

33:09the frustration and the pain from abuse the frustration and the pain from betrayal and I started to use that to heal but I wanted a man and I wanted these deep friendships so I was very clear on what I was going for and six months after I moved to Atlanta I found my husband and we got married I found my dream house but there was one little thing that was my next step that I forgot about and it didn't come back to me until this last year February last year my mother unexpectedly transitioned and this was the deepest grief I ever felt in my life I was angry I had secret rage and I didn't know if I wanted to be here I blamed myself for not knowing knowing for anyone that knows me I do energy work I help people heal I've brought people back from like cancer and all these different things with energy and well-being and I couldn't save my mom and it crushed me like

34:10the deepest thing I've ever felt in my life and so in my darkest moment I was like God I need help like I need help like the rituals I ain't working I still don't feel okay and my mother came to me and she was like just breathe just breathe so I started to breathe I went back to my certification with breath work and I went deeper I was doing an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening I was going deep when I was yelling and screaming and crying and nodding and you know the thought was a crazy woman but I was getting it all out all the frustration all the pain and as I did it I was like wait a second I started getting all these divine downloads about my business about my marriage even about everything I started to tap into my highest self that I had abandoned so long ago doing what I thought I should even chasing the dream I wanted of the dream man and the dream house

35:13I was brought back to breath healing and that was the wisdom that I felt when I lost my mother it brought me back to the breath that I left so many years ago and now that's what I'm focused on teaching through breath healing I'm teaching nervous system regulation so each one of you can come back to your highest self and your highest potential we all have that one friend who loves to plan hi it's me I'm the friend she's booked the restaurant she's built the whole trip itinerary and she does it for free for fun and if that friend is also you listen up forer is the modern travel agency for people who want to turn their love of travel planning into a real business as a travel advisor with forer your subscription unlocks best in class training booking in payments technology industry leading AI tools and a global community of insiders and with a network of over 5,000 preferred partners you can offer your clients VIP perks

36:14upgrades result credits late checkout you actually in commission on hotels cruises and experiences I talk constantly about building a business that gives you freedom instead of taking it and that's what a forer advisor gets your clients your hours built around your life in fact one of the women in our freedom fast track program is a forer advisor that's how this actually landed on my radar right now planning trips is an expensive hobby this is how it becomes a business become a forer advisor today at forer travel dot com slash boss babe that's f or a travel dot com slash boss babe and make sure you tell them we sent you forer travel dot com slash boss babe but I would love if you're open to tell the story of the symbol inside of your book of why that's woven throughout your book yes so if you open the cover of the book you will see I'll let you do it you will see a butterfly

37:14I was in my backyard talking to some friends after I was going through the things and a butterfly and I'd never seen a black butterfly in my life landed on my shoulder and I was like oh my god did y'all see that did y'all see that and then it landed again and it landed a third time and I was like mom it was my mother letting me know she's always with me and so I put it on the cover of this book to remind you as you're going through your own chrysalis when you don't know what's next you don't know why your how or bad things keep happening or hell you're going through pair of menopause and you're like what is my mind right now remember that inside your butterfly and even though it might seem like it or feel like it at the moment you're going through your own chrysalis and you will emerge on the other side if you lean into the wisdom in your wounds and allow them to guide you back to your highest self and embody your highest self thank you Natalie I love that

38:18and it's at the opening of every single chapter to remind you it's absolutely beautiful and I love that you're sharing breathwork as one of the biggest let's call it a needle mover in your business because it brought you back to you and I'm curious Jen and Lindsay we'll go to to Jen first what's one thing in your personal growth journey that you think's actually been one of the biggest needle movers in your business that was beautiful thank you for sharing that I just met hers and she made me think I've had many many needle movers in my business I think that the past I would say three years of my life I call them the year of and I call them that because they were simultaneously the worst years of my life where some of the worst possible things that could ever that have ever happened in my life were happening over the past three years while simultaneously the best things were happening as well a lot of the times people say well you know it looked like

39:21everything was going perfectly on paper and if you looked at it from the outside everything looked great but behind the scenes everything was terrible I would say both were true because everything was awesome that was happening I was launching a book I got married I was connecting with incredible women I was succeeding in business but also behind the scenes it was and my husband was struggling with mental health and addiction and there were a lot of things going on in our business and our personal life that were making me feel like I was holding my entire life together with duct tape you know that feeling but I I really dial into that it can be and because it can you can simultaneously hold holy crap this is amazing I'm in a moment where I'm speaking on a stage my dream in front of thousands of people this is true this is amazing I'm feeling so connected I am doing the thing I'm born to do while also I can also hold the fact that I'm struggling very very very very much and that taught me going through that time where it was teetering between both it really expanded

40:26my capacity to be able to receive both at the same time it does not have to be or I'm going through the worst possible time this is the worst day ever this is a shit storm maybe it is but it also can be this is a shit storm and then I get home at night and oh my god my dogs my kid my husband my life is beautiful my life is amazing and it can be both so I've never even said this before this is just coming out of my mouth right now probably because I'm sitting with you guys these two women just open up the the vortex but I really I really feel like if you live a public life of visibility right this is what we're talking about here every single woman in here can I just get a raise of hands if someone you feel a calling to be seen doing the thing that you're doing to inspire and help other people yeah this is the room that we're in so if you are if you have that calling you're stepping into a life where you are going to be seen as your regular day to day adventure your journey in life is I am I am living in front of people I'm building in public this is what we're committing to

41:28it's it's a crazy life it's not for everybody definitely not and everybody does not have to do this but if you're sitting in this room and you raised your hand you feeling called to do this and that means that's a really important thing that means that you you have women you at humans that are out there that are going to be greatly impacted by the work that you do but it means that you also have this responsibility to show the world who you are where you're at and what you're doing and there's going to be times in your life where it shits hit in the fan where it is not going the way that you want it to go that doesn't mean you have to show everybody everything that's going on because I didn't but I did show up anyway and the reason that I and I'll just loop into the the Instagram live thing I think that this was one of the greatest lessons in my life and in my business was the Instagram live that we talked about so back in the day I mean like a six when I first met Laurie and I was walking around the city you know listening to Laurie Harder all day long I was absolutely terrified to to be visible as myself I was an actress so I was used to playing characters and putting on a whole bunch of makeup having platinum blonde hair and pretending to be

42:31somebody that I wasn't so live streaming or speaking in front of people as me and telling my story was unbelievably terrifying so doing something like going live was not something that I would ever do in my life about four years ago I decided to dare myself to start putting my makeup on in the morning while I went live every single day no matter what and this was essentially to get better at public speaking that was why I wanted to be one of the greatest speakers in the world and I knew that if I wanted to become a great speaker I had a practice speaking and I don't have a stage all the time that I can stand on and speak but we all have this beautiful stage in our pocket right so I'm like I got a practice I got a practice being vulnerable I got a practice answering questions I've got a practice telling my stories in front of an actual live audience and I'm going to practice you better believe I'm going to practice having no makeup on and being seen as I am because that is the most terrifying thing for me so I committed to it and I did it every day no matter what but that means over the past three years doing that every day no matter what I was showing up and being seen on camera when behind the scenes everything was falling apart

43:36I was trying to keep my husband alive I mean and that goes with a lot of other things that we won't talk about here on the stage because everything doesn't have to be talked about but when you're living in a visible life and you were doing the two things simultaneously yes oh my god people are showing up I'm winning on social media my business is crushing a lot of things that are really beautiful are happening yes that is true and also something else is true you have to learn how to be okay with both and so what I did was I learned that I can show up and I can be seen and I can share with people hey I'm not feeling amazing today I go alive sometimes and there are tears coming down hey guys I'm feeling anxious today there's something going on sometimes I would share it and sometime I wasn't but learning how to be visible be authentic and be truthful and truly allow yourself to connect with your audience while good things are happening and bad things are happening was by far the greatest lesson that I think I've ever learned in stepping into what I think my purpose is which is continuing to be seen and continuing to be on stages guys it's not always going to be beautiful and pretty and shiny it's not always going

44:38to be bad and shitty and awful it's going to be both of those things all at once and being authentic and being truthful and connecting and being seen and doing the thing that we've all raised our hand and said that we're being here we're sent here to do is going to involve showing up anyway and bringing people along the journey and so that's the answer I don't know if I answered it in full but did the past it's on the needle movers right I got a little hungry there so I was making sure I remember the question you know when you're like your blood sugar dips and you're like what are words somebody get this woman a bagel if anyone has a little snack for me no um there's so many things and as Jen was sharing in koya something that you said I think the two things that are on my heart to share with you one is a little bit more personal because I think yes it's about building the business but at the end of the day why do we even want the business it's because of the life we think it'll give us and over the last two years if anyone else has experienced anything like this too just raise your hand so we know we're not

45:42alone I've just gone through a very um unraveling of everything that I knew to be safe everything that I knew to be secure is anyone just kind of been rocked over the last couple of years and what I didn't realize until about a year ago so I'm two years removed from this season is I started to have people in my life say to me like I thought you were fine like I really we were kind of worried you like looked okay when you were going through it or a really super honest friend said to me she was like Lindsay you called me in the day that you told me about what all was going on you said it as though you were reading the dinner menu because that was my way of coping and it wasn't really until I started to notice this pattern in my life that truthfully wasn't allowing me to have the intimacy that I wanted not that I didn't feel supported I knew I had support but I still wasn't feeling as seen and as known in the relationships that I deeply desired that as I could be and then I was with my mom you know your family of

46:51origin often kind of like just right will show you exactly where your stuff is and someone was you know acknowledging they're like wow you know Lindsay is built this incredible thing and you must be so proud what was she like growing up and she said something that I've heard her say over and over and it hit me different this time she said she's always been so easy how many of you are the easy one you're the one that you don't want to be a burden you don't want to be weak and I think specifically for those of us that are very powerful women like those of us in the room most of what we want is probably going to be unlocked by leaning into more vulnerability than we feel is safe and starting to open up and even I remember this really pivotal conversation with Laurie we were talking about I don't remember exactly even what it was and we went into the mode that we typically do for each other where we want to solve it right away and it was the first time because

47:51now I'm practicing this muscle that feels very new for me of noticing when I'm just feeling like hi I think I need something else right now and then saying it orifying if you're not used to speaking your needs and I said actually you know thank you so much I know what exactly what you're trying to do right now you know what I need I need you to just in this moment say that sucks and I'm really sorry you went through that and then she cried and then I cried because she's like thank god I've been trying to support you this whole time and I don't know what you need and I'm like I didn't know what I needed because my entire life was built on this story that I'm valuable if I'm easy and valuable if my emotions aren't too much and they don't make anyone else uncomfortable so vulnerability for me has been this new place of allowing myself to lean into within myself first I have to get honest and truthful with myself about how I'm feeling and what I need and tools like breathwork and just different spiritual practices have been a big part of that but then on the other side you know when I look back the most consistent through line of a

48:55needle mover for me and I guess this kind of fits into it because now when I think about the version of myself I want to be and how she shows up there's a vulnerability component that I didn't I didn't know was so important to me I want deep intimacy I want to feel deeply connected with the people that I serve with the with the people that I'm around with my future partner who I have yet to meet I know that I want that so I get to practice it now and that has been the consistent theme that I have really leaned into in my business is casting a vision for what I want going back to what I was saying earlier I see the outcome but then I ask myself okay who's the woman who has that how does she show up how does she express herself and the funniest and most tangible example I can give is you know so many of you today came up to me they're like I love your outfit got your outfits are always so great or now the powerhouse women event has literally become this place if you've been you you kind of know it's just the ultimate permission to wear

49:56the thing that you wouldn't normally wear elsewhere you get to try on a different version of you that you aren't regularly expressing and what a lot of people don't know is it was around the time that self-published my my book which led to the powerhouse women event so the start of this season that people know me for today called powerhouse women I had this story about myself I used to say outloud and I I just thought it was kind of I wasn't actually trying to put myself down but one day I said it do you ever hear the labels you assign yourself and all of a sudden that label just doesn't fit anymore so I have this really cool and fashionable younger sister she is just one of my favorite people on the planet she's amazing she can walk into a goodwill and walk out looking like she's ready for Paris fashion week she's just so cool but I would look at that and what I'm seeing right because when we see something we admire in another woman we're seeing it and we're noticing it because that exists within us and I would see this thing about her that I loved and what it was awakening in me is

51:02I want to express myself more through fashion but what I would call myself I would literally say I'm the vanilla sister because I had like the same top in black white and gray you find like the one that fits you just right and you buy it in all the basic neutral colors anyone do that and you know for some of us like that is how we express ourselves but there was a part of me that wanted to feel an energy I wasn't currently feeling so I decided there was one day where I said it out loud and I heard it and I was like why am I saying that that's not who I want to be and I literally decided starts with the decision to learn to become fashionable and I didn't tell anybody I didn't say okay everybody so now I'm fashionable all of a sudden I noticed it was around it was about two years later I kid you not it was about two years later and people started to be like I'm so excited for your event the thing I'm most excited for is to see your outfit and I was like that's weird it was just ever said that to me before and it just makes me giggle every time I love sharing the

52:06story because I'm like no I decided to become that and then I'm like where else am I right now telling an outdated story using an outdated label that I've just outgrown it's great I used to be the vanilla sister now I'm I guess I'm like rainbow sherbert flavored I had my colors done I'm a bright spring so that's what I am that's my color palette yeah we all have that one friend who loves to plan hi it's me I'm the friend she's booked the restaurant she's built the whole trip itinerary and she does it for free for fun and if that friend is also you listen up fora is the modern travel agency for people who want to turn their love of travel planning into a real business as a travel advisor with fora your subscription unlocks best in class training booking in payments technology industry leading AI tools and a global community of insiders and with a network of over 5,000

53:11preferred partners you can offer your clients VIP perks upgrades result credits late checkout you actually in commission on hotels cruises and experiences I talk constantly about building a business that gives you freedom instead of taking it and that's what a fora advisor gets your clients your hours built around your life in fact one of the women in our freedom fast track program is a fora advisor that's how this actually landed on my radar right now planning trips is an expensive hobby this is how it becomes a business become a fora advisor today at fora travel dot com slash boss babe that's f or a travel dot com slash boss babe and make sure you tell them we sent you fora travel dot com slash boss babe I just first want to say the biggest thank you to all three of you for bringing your hearts up on the stage I've been just sitting tearing up as every single one of you have been speaking so interesting I did an event a week ago

54:12with a friend of mine and he said Natalie this book's great it's a great business book but what you're really missing is you should be describing what they'll get at the end is freedom of time and mind because it's really a mindset book you know you talk about the business he thinks but it's all all you it's all us it's all heart underneath all of it and we didn't plan for this conversation to happen in the way that it's unfolded is every single one of you brought the real heart to all of this and I just hope for every woman in the room you really leave feeling different to how you come in because we can go through the tactics we can go through the strategies all of that stuff but it's when we go beneath you know the neck down and we actually tap into ourselves that everything starts to change and so this is the last stop on the book tour and I'm just I couldn't imagine a better way to do it and and it's the way that you've all shown up so real on stage and I just want to say thank you so much thank you love you thank you

55:18Koya how about you for that question biggest needle mover the biggest needle mover from me is surrender surrendering to the voice I'm a very spiritual person surrender to the voice of God even when I was writing my book I have this thing called the CHBT method and at first the C wasn't there and the seven areas of well-being spiritual mental and emotional I didn't have I had the spiritual but it was part of the heel but the CHBT is connect heel bill thrive and what download it what I channel through is that you don't need to heal your soul your soul is already holding complete so I realize okay I need to heal I need to my emotions are my best friends and my mind I can you know change my mindset but my soul that needs to be connected with tapped into and

56:20that's what spirit brought me and that's why I leave with the breath healing because it helps process the the constriction that happens when I have negative self-talk when my emotions are taking over and it drops me right into my soul right into alignment with God right into my highest self so that I'm no longer deterred and distracted by everything going on in work because how many people agree that the world is drastically dysregulating right it's like how can we be regulated in a dysregulated world we have to use the one free tool that we have that God gave us when we dropped into this human body which is the breath doesn't cost anything you don't need yoga niggas you don't need a mat you're in the outfit even though outfits are cute we like the outfits but at the end of the day when you drop into your soul that's what's gonna divinely guide you and so that's what happened and that's the needle move me surrendering again and again surrendering to what I think I know as an intellectual I'm looking at the numbers and like Natalie I had an

57:21event this evening and the universe it wound up downloading let it go I surrendered it I surrendered it and I knew the friends that I had coming were not gonna judge me because I built these deep relationships over the last three years they're gonna be like all right we'll be here at the next one and so how much can I surrender so my biggest needle mover is surrender to the divine downloads that come through God and that's what does it for me so good okay so we're wrapping we don't have a ton of time on this question but I want to make sure that we ask it so like one minute from each of you around a minute two minutes portion you always have to let people know on a panel because it's like how deep can I let this story go what advice would you give to all of the women who literally just raised their hand who said I want to be seen I want to do this thing I really feel it like I deeply feel it and there's either something holding me back or I don't feel worthy I don't feel ready I don't

58:23feel like I could even be friends with these people what are some of the things that you want to leave them with the biggest one is to realize and I want you to think this thought every time you hear the fear voice come up because the fear voice is loud it's the one that's trying to protect you and we love that that's it has value but to realize that if you feel compelled to share something to create something you are just responding to a desire that you don't realize someone else is putting out right now in this moment it could just be this quiet whisper in their heart and they literally need to hear it from you it's so easy you know I know all of us are six feet six inches off the ground higher than you are and we have a microphone in our hands so you could think we have something figured out that you don't but the truth is I think we subconsciously put people on pedestals to relieve ourselves of the responsibility of stepping into our own bigness oh

59:24so if you feel the pull to create to share the message to do the thing to wear the outfit you're wearing the outfit might be someone else's permission to do the same so stopping so stingy okay I love you but cut that shit out the first tattoo I ever got I have a tattoo on my wrist and I didn't get it because I wanted a tattoo I got it because I wanted this reminder this reminder has gotten me through every single difficult moment it is forced me to start before I'm ready when I didn't want to do it whatever it was on my wrist it says time never stops and it's my reminder that no matter what happens this day is going to end no matter what we're all gonna leave here you're gonna get in your bed you're like gonna get under your covers your head's gonna hit the pillow you're gonna look up at the ceiling and you're gonna be thinking about me yes you are no you're gonna be thinking about this concept because every single hard moment of

1:00:32discomfort is temporary no matter what it passes every moment that's great also passes so when you get into your bed at the end of the night that is where you create confidence it's where you create yourself belief when you can look up at the ceiling and you can say I did it I stuck with the commitments I made with myself today I did the hard thing even though it was hard I pushed through that discomfort because that's where confidence is built so all I want you guys to walk away with knowing is that this too shall pass time never stops feeling cringe when you're creating a video it ends and then you're happy you did it on the other side or maybe you're not but it doesn't matter nobody cares you won't even remember the next day it's done time never stops it this too shall pass time never stops but let me tell you something your body is keeping score your body is keeping score so the one thing that I would invite you to do is start a breath

1:01:34healing practice and I call it breath healing not just breath hurt because this is not whim Hof this is not what I learned in yoga I mean I changed my school from the get loved up yoga school to get loved up embodied leadership academy like no one can be certified with me for yoga or life coaching and if they go through embodied breath first and understand breath healing and nervous system regulation and the reason is because that's what we're faced today and if we are moving from our fear and our wounds and survival state and not our highest self even the best of us won't be living our highest potential that we need in order to move this world in a positive direction so I would say develop a breath healing practice for many body but for me every single person that orders this book today is going to get a seven day breath healing practice that I created to help people just lean into the practice so that's what I would recommend to you start a breath healing practice start leaning into your highest potential and allow divine guidance to take over

1:02:36your life surrender your life to divine guidance. I just like passing. You know something that's always on my heart and rooms like this as I've been in rooms like this so many times but normally I was the person in the back row for a lot of years and back in the day my husband and I early on when we were married and I wasn't doing the thing that I wanted to do at all yet I was working at you guys I was working at a drive through coffee shop great loved it but not my highest calling quite yet it worked at an Ulta like literally restock shelves that was a high school dropout so we call this fight the great chicken nugget fight of I think like I don't know 2000 maybe eight I think it was 2008 great chicken nugget fight of 2008 and at that time because I wasn't doing what I wanted to do how many of you when you're not doing what you want to do you kind of blame your children or your husband or your friends well my husband was just the exact target of all of this at that time so for me you know we were he was working all week and I was working at my you know whatever job I was doing

1:03:39at the time and I was having this thing eat at me every single day waking me up at night you're supposed to do something you're supposed to speak on stages you're supposed to be a fitness personality and I was not doing that but I deeply wanted to be on fitness magazine covers and inspire women in the way that they had inspired me so fast forward we love to go out to dinner we also love to go out drinking on Friday and Saturday nights at that age because we've been together 20 years so I'm in my early 20s at this time and we go out we have a bunch of cocktails we go through the drive-through we go to McDonald's and I get a 20-piece chicken nugget we head home and all of a sudden after drinking all night and all day long I have a breakdown a full breakdown of I can't live like this anymore I hate myself I hate you you don't understand that I can't do this because I have anxiety you don't understand how bad it is for me I haven't graduated I'm not ever going to be able to do this I'm not like the other people I'm not college educated I'm never going to be that person and I start dipping the nuggets into the barbecue and chucking them

1:04:41at him and the house and it's all over the walls and there's barbecue sauce and I'm having a full out-of-body experience watching myself melt down going oh he's gonna leave you oh this is real bad so something you know I dropped back into my body and I have this moment I'm like oh shit like that you know have you ever had a fight where you push it over the edge okay so Richard roar that was my moment that was my moment Richard roar has a beautiful quote that says if you don't learn how to transform your pain you will transfer it and you will sabotage every relationship in your life and you will never have the relationships that you want and you will always always not like who you are if you don't learn how to transform what that purpose in your heart is what that you know what that pain that you have is meant to teach for people and so I really believe that if you know in your heart you're supposed to do something you have to and it's a must for the people around you because that's going to be

1:05:46the thing that just draws all those people helps all the people in your life as well so good I think for me what I would add just on all of this for anyone in the room that doesn't feel ready yet you'll never feel ready truly and you know just with this event I you know told Laurie it would be really fun to do this and we decided as eight and I threw together a landing page and I voiced note on our right before we put the landing page on I said Laurie just a question um so if nobody comes do you think we just don't say anything and just take the page don't do that I was like and then I put it out there and we started selling some tickets when I tell you I reached a pitch I've never reached before only my dog and baby could hear it I voiced order Laurie we sold some tickets I was like we're gonna sell tickets they're gonna be okay and I say that to say you will never feel ready for doing something that feels edgy to you I'm

1:06:52so shy and extravated when I'm not on Instagram right like that's my personality I'm happiest with a book and a cup of tea and so for me anything that is out in the world is just such a big edge for me I don't ever ever ever feel ready for it you know backstage rubble talking about oh my god yes there's there's feeling in my stomach is excitement yes like I just don't ever feel ready but it comes back to what we talked about at the very very very beginning of this of having the self-trust I know that I'll show up for myself because I've done it time and time again every single time I didn't feel ready I didn't feel ready to launch a book I started the launch when I was six months postpart my name feel ready and I knew that if I punted it off to another year I would still feel just as unready as I do right now and it's out there and so I say that to say the only time you're going to feel ready is when you look back at oh and I did the thing it's only then you're going to feel it and so please don't wait for that moment please just do the thing and if it works great and if it doesn't just take the page down a normal ever know that

1:07:54it didn't work okay no one will ever know