A Motherforking Clusterfluff with Trixie and Katya

0:00This episode is sponsored by Bombas. People keep asking me about my 2026 resolutions. They expect something heroic like reading a book, discovering a cure for the common cold, or finally learning how to crochet with my feet. But this year I have crowned a new monarch of goals. Get comfy. Not a little comfy, I'm talking transcendent. That is where Bomba centers. Writing on an velvet cloud of socks, underwear, and deeply supportive vibes. The all new Bomba sports socks are engineered for running, golf, hiking, skiing, snowboarding, and myriad other types of athletic engagements. In the Friday sandal made with lightweight EVA, is perfect for quick errands and dramatic grocery store entrances on Sunset Boulevard. Head over to bombas.com slash bald and use code bald for 20% off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-A-S dot com slash bald code bald at checkout. If you're tackling a home project, check out angi.com. From roofing to remodels and everything in between, angi connects you with skilled pros who do such a good job, you might trust some to do

1:03other things. Like pull out your tooth or wear your kids' godfather. Well, don't ask them to do these things. Just let them get the job done well. Angi, the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find a pro for your projects at angi.com. That's angi.com. Why have I asked my electrician I found on angi.com to bury my pet hamster nibbles in our yard for me? Because I was so moved by how carefully he buried my electrical wires. I knew I could trust him to bury my sweet nibbles after his untimely end. Nibbles gone too soon. May he scurry in peace. Hey, sorry about your pet, but I just wire stuff. Nibbles would have loved you like a brother. Connecting homeowners with skilled pros for over 30 years. Angi, the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find pros for all your home projects at angi.com. We are very excited to announce that our very bald and very beautiful podcast tour is almost sold out for spring. I'm excited. We're not doing that many dates. In my New Year's resolution, it's quality over quantity. And we're doing it. We're doing it. Can you believe we had to add a second show to Boston in Toronto?

2:05Queen. We sure did. So you fucking Bostonians in Toronto in Toronto or whatever the fuck you call yourselves, you better get some tickets. Yeah, snatch them up. We do have a few seats left for some of these cities and we are not doing that many of these this year. It's going to be hot. It's going to be exclusive. It's going to be fabulous. Tickets available now at trickseeingcotty.com. Queen. Out to Instagram. That was the first thing I hope people here when they turn on this pod. Oh, yeah, our last pod said, like, age restriction. We got it. And I thought it was, I thought it was like, they don't want us being critical of elected officials, but we do scream like 20 times in the first two minutes. Words. Well, now we now, because I've said that three times, we can't do it for a while. Okay, I used to have a guitar player who was very Christian. And he would, he would say,

3:08Oh, that fork and still raspberry flip. That is so flippant. You little flip and flip. You fork and spoon raspberry. You little flip. You fork and screw in raspberry. Yeah, you poop. The state did a funny sketch about like, they did a, this show called Tenement, but they had to stop in the language and every word is a swear. So they did like that poop. You, you, I don't even remember it's funny. fork and spoon raspberry is my favorite. You poop. You poop. Did you have a nice Valentine's day? I think so. What'd you do? I don't wait. What day was it actually? So it lands on February 14th every year. Yes. No, I know. It was a Saturday. So it was, uh, the cabaret was two days before. Oh my god, you did the cabaret. It was fun. That is, you know, I always, it's always a little bit, um, uh, first of all, backstage of the cabaret. I don't know if you remember. There are so many feathers and it, I, there's so many feathers. There's so many gigantic feather headdresses and it's just,

4:08it creeps me out. Like I had feathers. Yeah, like gigantic feather. I mean, I'm just thinking like because it's basically the same size and like shape as jock's backroom. Yes, it is. It is not disgustingly filthy. Higher ceilings, I think they're two. That's true. Higher ceilings. Not bad mirrors back there. No, the mirrors are good. And there's one, there's one vent that has like fierce AC. There's like one's like, one square foot where you can get like blasted by AC. It's pretty fierce. Yeah. It was fun. But the, I always want to be in the crowd because the crowd is so hot and sexy. It really is. That is like the, I'm sorry. It's the best drag type show in LA. It reminds me of drag 15 years ago in the best way. So fun. It's so gutted. Yeah. Oh, yeah, the show is right. The talent is like, of course, weirdly good. But the production quality and like the, we're just doing this for tonight. Yeah, this is a one night thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It feels so like, I, I, in the audience,

5:09I'm always like, what is going to happen next? Yeah. What's going to come out? Yeah. I told Andrew. I said, it's great. That caught you. I, it's great. She does the show too. And he was like, well, normally I wait till she's in a really good mood. And then I ask. And then I make the poster before she can change the mind, which I honestly. That is a break. Oh, yeah. That's a really good. That's what we do here. Yeah. Yeah. That is the way he's like, I'll feel her out when I know it. I'll ask. And I'll get the poster out before she can change her mind. I said, that's actually really impressive. I gotta say though, the thing I did not enjoy driving there in drag. May I read? Let me tell you. Let me, let me give you my eye popping day look or night look. I, you can get, I wish I took a, you know, if I were not so god damn stupid, I would have taken a video or logged it or whatever the fuck. I don't know what it is. When I get in drag, taking this cannot be documented. This cannot be documented. This is a secret. I get so this is a secret that the night ends and I go, I didn't take one photo. Mary, I never do. In fact, I think I, I, I also request other people don't love it. It's not, it's not. Anyways,

6:11so I was like, okay, what am I going to, I put my all, I did my makeup and then I did, um, I can't wait till my, I think tomorrow my voice is going to sound like Catholic Turner. I saw a video you did. No, no, no, no, no, love you like a love song. Yes, uh, keep crying, jobless, Selena, Selena Gomez. Um, but so I did, like I put on my body the whole thing and then my makeup and I didn't want to put the wig on yet. So I wore this like, I have this, um, a black button down shirt that goes all the way to the floor and I wore a hat and then I, that's what I drove in and I, I would look like a, like a weird um, crustacean jobless. Yeah, yeah, totally. And then I was like lugging my suitcase down La Brea and, um, cause I parked on the, cause you know, across in the street bank, it was so undignified and so awkward, but very drag. Very what it was, but very, yes, it was, and it was so, I mean, glamorous. No, not really. It's like, no, it's not caught your super fans. No, no, no, no, no,

7:14it's friends of porn people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're friends who are dentists. Yep. Totally. All waiting 16 and a half minutes for a bottle of water. 16 and a half minutes. 32.5 minutes. And I talked so much shit about the bar service there that now the next time I go, I'm gonna be like, hey, how y'all doing? They're not going to give you anything. Oh my god, I have to tell you something. I went Sunday for Valentine's Day. I went, um, because I had a Valentine's Day dinner Saturday. So I'm going to turn to you know, I'm going to tell you the end first. Okay. So Sunday, I had the funeral. Oh, yes. Yes. And then you know, and it's over. I go, I'm going to go, I'm, I wanted to go with my boyfriend to high tops, low spielers for a happy hour. You know, yeah, because we're alkeys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kind of swollen, kind of red nose. Yeah, kind of falling down. Right, right, right, driving home, jumping the median, you know, driving home drunk. Yep. So we walked there actually, which is great. Walk there, um, because my buttholes healed enough that the doctor told me I could go for walks.

8:15Huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge applause. That's, um, that is huge. Congratulations. Thank you. And I go to there and I go to the bar and I'm looking at their menu and high tops, all of their locations have this huge, almost like scoreboard of all the drinks and food. So I'm like, what do I want? What do I want? And I always get the hot rod, which I talked about on the pod. And the bar, you know, I'm friends with every bartender, bar manager, we're all friends. And you know, the girls and the bar people, we can, we can talk about the bars working in bars. Girl, it's a slog. And but I love the hot rod, which is this spicy tequila drink. And I go, I think I might want, and they go the hot rod. And I said, what do you mean? They said, well, you talked about on the pod. And now everyone's requesting it. It's, they said, it's not, no, it's not, they said next time, could you just say you love Vakasota? Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. It's like minjulips. It's all we love. And the bar manager is like, no, we're just kidding. We'll make anything, of course. But they said the next time we've been joking, maybe you tell people your favorite drink is Vakasota or something. Or just Sprite. Yeah. So my favorite drink now is Vakasota. If you go to high tops, okay. And you order a double

9:17and you tip three times the price of the drink. Is there like a whole like a shoots and ladders type of set up in this in this hot rod or no? Like, you know, like, you know, like, like a bloody Mary has like a whole like chicken. Oh, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. It's just the hot rod is like a little drink. Why don't you say no spicy tequila for your butthole, bitch? Oh, I mean, I'm always so stopped up. Anything to like it's yeah, you know, blow through the barn door. Yeah, spicy vegan curry. Maybe I'll have one regular movement. You know what I mean? Great. That's awful to talk about. It's okay. We this is pooping people. It's a pooping pee thing. Yeah. So anyway, that that was funny that because of the pod we've been ruining lives by recommending. So for now, when we go places, we should recommend the easiest to make things. Yes. And I also, I listen, we are not endorsed by them, but I can't tell you I can't the sweeps ginger ale fruit splash. Yeah. I want to put it right up my pussy. Put the nachos, the corn dogs. What about the pretzels? The pretzels. Pretzels are so kind. The harvest to green bowl. Harvest to green bowl. They have a

10:17harvest green bowl. That's like their healthiest thing in the menu. Horny. Horny for the green bowl. Fully unleashed. What is caught cage off? And got a cocked speaking of caught cages. I saw Tracy at a sushi restaurant. Was she caged? No, that didn't really make sense. So I'm sitting with my friend. My friend went through a separation. And I'm listening to him talk about it. And I'm listening, but you know, I can't focus. So one of my eyes is like looking at the street, looking at the, you know, like just iguana. One of my eyes is sad for you. One of my eyes is like, ooh, what else? Anything else. Do something else. Do my brother else, right? Because thanks Obama, we're also used to the TV, the phone, multiple sources of info. Telling you. So this eye is crying for you. This eye is like looking for the hot rod. Is roller coaster of love looking around. And I see this lezzy walking down the street. And I see a green jacket. I go, I think I know how that is. And my friend is like telling the story. And he's

11:18like kind of sad and talking about it. And he's like, anyway, and it's just like, who are you looking at? And I was like, oh, I know her. Go on. Yeah, you were saying know her. So then we finished talking like, and I walk by. And who do I see in the parking lot next to this place? Who do I see in the parking lot? Los Angeles? Who do I see? Who do I see? Who do I see? Oh man, the buying. No way. I'm in the buying. And you want to talk eye popping day look? Tell me. It could only be her. Okay. She has a face tattoo. She has very like, like, I knew it was her. Okay. Okay. And I love Amanda. I always love Amanda. Is she the man? She's the man. She's the man. She's, um, she's the man. She's the man of show. She's, um, all that. She's many things. She's many things. What's the movie where she crossed dresses? Oh, she's the man. She's the man. Yeah. Freddie Prince, just in the name. Uh, but anyway, I see her and I walk to the restaurant. I go, oh my god, Tracy, I saw you. And I said, you'll never guess who I just saw. And Tracy goes, who? I said, Amanda Bines. And the server,

12:22who was very nice and cool. This is the thing that was, I felt odd. The server was like, she was here. I just waited on her. I think she's doing really good. Oh, and I just was like, I mean, I know this isn't AA, but can we let the girls get sushi without, like, that's so crazy. Don't never let me be in a place where the servers are like, that's so weird. I think she's doing okay. I think she's got it this time. I was just like, it looks like it took this time. I was like, damn, girl, she just came to eat some sushi. That's crazy. That's crazy. The girls eat sushi without, um, I hate. Oh, you're in that. I don't like that. I don't like that. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, supportive referrals. That's imagine I follow Amanda on TikTok. And she's always talking about the education she's getting when she's doing next. She's putting out music. She's getting her nail certification. She's been wearing wigs. Um, the game she's singing your song. Um, and uh, anyway, I just, I was kind of in shock that the server meant well, but was like, that is so fun. I think she's doing really. I was like, I think

13:23she's doing great. But even if she is. Yeah. That's her thing. I like that felt a little, a little, um, was the word. Intrusive. There's a little intrusive. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, yeah. Absolutely. I was excited to see her. I love her. I wouldn't say anything. Any celebrity sighting. I love that shit. I love it so much. And it never happens here. That's why when we went to that, um, drop a name, Charlize Theron's Christmas party. Charlize Theron's Christmas party. I was like, just like, I love it. I love famous people. Movie stars. They just, they, they scare me in general. But, and I say the wrong thing, as you know, yes. So good thing I talked to Amanda. I almost screamed love you, Amanda. I'm like, what is that? But you don't know. That's alerting someone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's scaring someone. It's crazy. You want to see famous people. Franklin Village. Franklin Village. Really? All the like former CW chain smokers are outside La Pubelle. I love Franklin Village. It's where I used to get, um, you know, re up my like 50, you know, how my old house had like 50 candles

14:24burning at all times. Yeah. Yeah. I used to go to that candle store. Like just, oh, that went on the corner. Yeah. And I also have like a new store. It's like, it's the news. The news stores has like magazine. I think it's called daily planet. Yeah. Which is the name of the, the superman, the fictional Superman. Yeah. Yeah. Um, that street, the other day, I saw Dylan Minette and Bam Margera. Oh, well, how, how I was walking. So I was like, on the way here, is like, um, why is LA so ugly? And, um, no, but how could you say that next to the Scientology Center, which is gorgeous? Well, no, no, no. So the, the few exceptions that there are exceptions, obviously, is that a half a block of Franklin Village. It's literally half a block. Uh-huh. It's gorgeous. It's beautiful. And it's got this. It is beautiful. It has the, the whole torture chamber behind it, which is beautiful. And galsons is beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. If you want to build everything up to Clark, Clark Street diner. Yeah. That shit eats. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is some breakfast. County. That's what you see. The other famous people too. I saw Alfi something from Game of Thrones and also the, uh, the skateboarder guy. Clark Street diner pride is coming.

15:24Let's do it. You and I should do a drag brunch at the Clark Street diner. Violet. Nope. In a position. I would service service. And her own. What could you ask for that Violet would be okay with nothing? She'd like, she'd be like, church showing up. Not exactly to promote eating at that point. You know what I mean? Fuck. I just think it's, that's a circle. I can see me as a server. I could see me as a server tomorrow. I could see person server ever. No, I could do copy. I don't like, I could be one of those old like, you know, we made a copy of fun. Like that kind of like, you know, old Betty or like a Doris kind of vibes. But I, Mary, I could never be, I would, I would get fired in like 10

16:27minutes. The bookstores I worked at, they had a cafe, they put me in that cafe. I said, no, ma'am. It's over. I'm not wearing them. Some mocha, folk mocha, local chaka, chaka, chaka, mocha. Were you sufficient making the tea? What that's, but that's putting hot water in a tea bag. But that's really all it was. You don't have to make coffee or nothing. No, I think at the cafe, they had to do it like mocha frapper. Did you look at a tea store? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was even, that was crazy. That was crazy. But it was easy. But that was crazy. People drink in tea like that. It's the closest thing to a tea girl you're ever going to be. Back it up, honey. Today's episode of All in the Beautiful is brought to you by Thrive Market. So I have to tell you guys, if you watch the pod, you know that I came in here the other day with this role of fruit leathers that changed my life. Because let me tell you guys, I'm a snacker. I'm a huge snacker. I'm a person who snacks. I'm always hungry. If it was up to me, I'd have five meals a day. And I've learned as I get older, the quality of

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21:35Yeah, everything I think about it every day. So do you remember how people who loved Charlie Kirk were going to Starbucks and ordering this type of tea he got and they asked for them to yell Charlie. I did not know that. Okay, so that's crazy. This was a point of activism where Charlie Kirk passed and pass the bar the bar. Yeah, passed. And people who like the things he said wanted to honor him by going to Starbucks. I think it was the mint majesty tea is what he gets. They would order his exact drink and then say the name was Charlie Kirk. And then they would sit there with their phone and wait for like the blue hair to envy barista to have to say drink for sure. And so nice they would say like drink for Charlie. Yeah. And they'd be like, why won't you say the last name? It was like so crazy. I just want to have to like that two and a half weeks, but if I like four years, yeah, yeah, when this is going to happen, but now Leland and I were of course when someone dies, you're like, you're joking because you have to joke a little. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we were like talking about getting Starbucks. We're like, is it okay to show up to the we are a little early

22:36for the funeral? It's okay if we show up with Starbucks. And I said, I think we have to order something for Gabe. And then we have to order his order because they were like Gabe loved to giant trend to copies. I said, well, we're going to go order them. We're going to say these are for Gabe and we're going to film it. That is really weird with the Charlie Kirk thing. I hate that so much. I hate it. It's the next one. Oh my god. Charlie's driving that way. Mo like, I made that up. They're not doing that. But I mean, it's the same flavor. It's just I hate it. I hate it. And what you do is I have no issue with ordering coffees and teas for yourself. But this isn't about that. No, no, no. Let's say your mom loved coffee in that day. You said, you know, when I miss my mom, I'm going to get the coffee. The way she used to drink it for myself to drink. Sure. But that's not what's going on. No, no, it's a performance. And also your I don't you don't videotape me that my job. You're going to go to the most vulnerable LGBT people. Burristas. Thank you. You know, as if these people who are highly skilled aren't busy making real

23:37drinks. Yeah. Do you do you realize that the airport? Oh my god, when we're at the airport sometimes at those Starbucks, they're so deep and vicious because you can order ahead. Oh yeah, I don't believe you should be able to do that. I'm sorry. I don't believe you should be able to do that. At those at those airport ones, I think you just go in there and get your coffee. I think it's crazy. Yeah. It's crazy. Well, like the LA X international terminal, there's always a huge. There's a line of people waiting for coffee. And there's a second line of people waiting for their pre order. So it does beg the question, what is the point of the pre order? Because we're all still waiting. No, I know. It just mucks up the whole thing. It's crazy. Um, I really wish we had Duncan Donuts over here. You do. You actually like that. Mary, I've been on my whole life. But if you catch me with a wake up rap, which I think is 89 cents, it's a half folded like tortilla with an egg, cheese, and a strip of bacon in it. Okay, you love it. Nirvana for it. Nirvana. What about Krispy Kreme? They don't do breakfast. Do they do a savory breakfast? No, they don't. Krispy Kreme, I think just does Donuts, but they do it good. The way I want to

24:39shove all those donuts up my ass. There's a Duncan Donuts in Bering. Is there a Krispy Kreme? Yeah, there's a Krispy Kreme like around the corner. There's a Duncan Donuts over here. Oh, yes, there is. Wow. Wow. Everybody's pretends to be on a zoom until they talk about Donuts. I'm the dream person to order coffee because they don't drink coffee. So no, no, order is a plain iced tea, nothing in it. Oh, it's so easy or a plain black tea, nothing in it. I'm the dream. That is the dream. I'm the star. And even though I love a lot of different drinks, when I go to give bars, I always get the Valkyzeria. Is that way? Exactly. F.A.G.s are hurting. Yeah, the girls are tired. You're not ordering a mint Julep. You're not ordering them. You're not having people muddle mint. Now I love tequila. And we live in California. And so if I go somewhere where you have a promoted menu with a tequila drink, I'm going to take advantage of that. You like tequila? Love it. Really? Love it. Tequila makes your clothes fall off. You know, the Belvedere plain tricks on you. It's a lot. Retta, tatata, tatata, tatata.

25:40Take the long off and ask oh, boo. Have you heard the song tequila tequila? Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a, it's a barn burner. If you're ordering shots for the table, we're all going up our girls, girls night. Crunk. What are we drinking for shots? Well, the people I run with, they don't need a shot, but they want the. So recently, I was in Jackson Hole. Okay. And I ordered 13 shots for the table. There was only two. No, I ordered 13 shots of the table. And the bartender was gay. And I didn't know it was a straight bar. And he comes and he sees me and he goes like. He was girl. What are you doing here with these straight people? And I said, I don't know girl. I said, I said, oh, my God. And I knew I was with straight people who I'm just going to say it. Can't drink. Oh, can't hold their liquor. Oh, got you, got you, mess. The men start, the men start swinging in the women cry. Straight people are, they're jammed up emotionally. Okay, that's, you know what I mean? Prince William just talks about

26:41it. Yes, the people of anger, people of hurt, they don't understand their emotions. Right. And they don't, you know, they could follow RFKs. Yeah. They could do something healthier. You know what I mean? I just have a lunchable. Like they could do anything. Oh, milk. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Milk. I don't know. I'm talking my throat. I pull it out. You know what I mean? It's just like, I eat up some getaway. It's just, it's all crazy. It's all crazy. But straight people, when they, they feel a lot, but they don't, but they don't talk about it. This is all people. This is all people. So then sometimes alcohol unlocks the pressure. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And so you find your, and I do this. It's the classic thing in the girl lady's room. Yeah, I always do that. And that is me. That's why I'm a plane. One sip of wine and a remotely sad movie. Oh, yeah. I'm like, I gotta call my mom. We got to land this plane. Yeah, you know, I had to turn off

27:42ghost halfway through because the woman next to me was getting concerned. Right. Seriously? Did I tell you about the, did I tell you about the notebook? Oh, yeah. The person next to me on the flight was watching it. Yeah. And I had no sound. And I was watching it like, like, it's crying. And she was, I'm sure like, you like, she put up like it's the ACT. She put up like a blinder. I cannot watch other people's movie. They can't help what was my, what was my problem? So the, um, I'm so straight people, they get together. So I'm with all my lovely straight friends. And they go, what kind of shot do you want? Because you asked what kind of shot? Yes. And I said, did you guys have x rated? What's that? It's like a very light liquor. Because I want the camaraderie of the shot. You don't want all the drama. Push the limits. Yeah. I don't want to be sick tomorrow either. I love drinking. But I, I, I, I will not. I will. But I don't want to be that girl hungover. So how do you avoid a hangover? You have to, there's a lot of strategy. So you do, you do scotch, whiskey, red wine. My old strategy used to be you skip the first drink at the night in the last drink. So if everyone's having, uh, I think

28:46at gay guy, I don't know if drinking could reasonably have four or five cocktails, right, Nick? See, yeah, that's, I think it's the team sport. I feel like it's the team sport element that, uh, it goes south because everybody's not created equal on this team. Right. And I want to wake up tomorrow and have us be like half alive. Yeah. So let's have a shot for the vibe. Yes. But we don't need the high alcohol content. No. So usually for me, although in Wisconsin, the culture's very different. You start the night with a shot. Wisconsin, you go to the bar, people get a beer and a shot to start. And then they start like, yeah, that's like Boston. Shot culture is big. That's disgusting. I think it's regional. It beers very large, very, um, huge, huge. Yeah. Yeah. Like usually like a six to nine percent ABV. No, I know that sacrilege. What? Because the Wisconsin is so big. Yeah. I just have never got into it. I just taste like shit to me and wine tastes like booty too. Do you like cigars? Yeah. I mean, I don't like, I like the way they smell. I don't, I don't,

29:48would you ever smoke a cigar? I mean, I have. I don't, it's not for me because it's like, you don't inhale it. If you die and they're at the funeral of open casket, I'm going to put the cigar in your mouth. Absolutely. But you're going to keep, um, it's going to be one of those ones that keep the substance burner. Not champa. Yeah. Not champa up the nose. No, I, you have to rig my open casket to like fall on somebody and vomit into their mouth, like drag me to hell. Everybody, everybody who comes up that also happens at bad grandpa. Did you see that? No. You need to watch bad grandpa. Wait, is, is there male nudity in that one? It's fake male nudity, I believe. It's like the old man, fake old man body. Oh, okay. Well, speaking of that, a night of the seven kingdoms, Mary, Jordan, the dawn of death, Jordan, your penis, the dawn. I was like, this, this is really, really like something. Do you see that? Do I see it? How could I miss it? It's fake, right? No, that's real. Of course, it's fake. Not crazy. To the knee is crazy. Yeah. And then he

30:51pees out of it. Oh, yeah. He pees out of it. I was like, the movies are back, man. It's so fierce. I love Game of Thrones so much. In this new, this new, I wasn't feeling it, but now I'm feeling it. It's so fierce. A night of the seven kingdoms. The last episode was so bloody, I could not believe it. Really? It was a tournament with a jousting. It just absolutely just relentless violence. Relentless, just like, oh, my God, it was like crazy. Love, it's fierce. This episode is sponsored by Oli Pop. Bonjour. My name is Etienne Claude Baguette-Yard du Pont. And I come to you from a very small French village where the bread is sacred, the pigeons reach Jean-Paul Sartre, and Shirley Temple is considered a cinematic deity. Every morning, I watch one of her films, bows lightly, and throwing a Shirley Temple while whispering merci for her curls, her optimism, and her ability to tap down the way this bear as we all march slowly to avenge what demise. But, mon dieux, the sugar in a regular Shirley

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32:56bald. Oli Pop is sold online, drinkallipop.com in Amazon, and available in the soda aisle and with the chilled beverages at thousands of retailers nationwide, including Walmart and Target. Today's episode of Ball in the Beautiful is brought to you by No CD. There you are, just living your life when a horrible, unwanted thought crashes the party. Is that tiny sensation in my body actually a serious illness? Why doesn't my partner look as happy as I do? Why don't my partner look as happy as that other couple? Do I even love them? What if I'm a secretly violent dangerous person even though I don't want to be? And then to make matters worse, your brain grabs onto that unwanted thought and will not let it go. And now you're spiraling, replaying every interaction you've ever had, seeking reassurance from everyone around you, and it never really helps for long. What's going on? Unwanted thoughts that feel sticky, repetitive, and impossible to shake like that might be signs of OCD, a condition that is way too misunderstood. OCD involves unwanted intrusive thoughts that cause intense anxiety and behaviors you feel driven to do to get relief,

34:01even though that relief is only short-lived. It can latch onto literally anything, your health, your morals, your relationships, and it can be completely debilitating. But it doesn't have to be that way because OCD is highly treatable with the right kind of specialized therapy. OCD needs ERP or exposure and response prevention, which is proven to be the most effective treatment, and that's where no CD comes in. No CD is the leading provider of OCD treatment, and all of their licensed therapists specialize in treating OCD with ERP therapy. In live, face-to-face virtual sessions, your No CD therapists will teach you how to take the power away from intrusive thoughts, so you can spend your time and energy on things that will actually matter to you. Therapy with No CD is covered by insurance for over 138 million Americans. They also provide support between sessions so you're never facing OCD on your own. If your unwanted thoughts are doing the most and you're tired, don't wait to get help, visit NoCD.com to book a free call with their team. That's NoCD.com. I just got back from a trip to New Orleans where I fully surrendered myself to Mardi Gras like a glitter-covered moth to a very loud, very humid flame.

35:05While much of the country was preparing for a blizzard, I was out there in the streets, draped in beads, sequins, and questionable decisions, letting brass bands guide me like a spiritual compass. The best part of the trip was the home I booked on Airbnb. It was a beautiful house just far enough from the manus that I could reassemble myself like a haunted voodoo doll between outings. I could take morning slow with a pot of coffee and freshly made benches and then boom, back out into the French Quarter for continued cheerful chaos. Booking through Airbnb made the whole thing feel less like a chore and more like I was impersonating an eccentric local with excellent taste. The house itself was absolutely fantastic. My guests and I had room to sprawl, a real couch to dramatically collapse onto after a long night out, in a kitchen that witnessed some deeply unholy late night snack behavior. But more than anything, it was perfectly serene. I could close the front door and have a moment of peace, then open it and immediately re-enter the tornado of fun. Traveling with friends was also legitimately great because we were all together in one house, not scattered across a hotel like lost luggage. Now that I'm back in ever so slightly recovered, I'm already plotting my

36:08next summer escape. Somewhere sunny, somewhere fun, and definitely somewhere with a view. Trips just hit different with Airbnb. It's like you're actually living somewhere, even if it's just for a few days. With Airbnb, every journey feels like it was made just for you. I went for Valentine's Day. I went to my boyfriend. If you like in L.A., I keep getting TikToks saying L.A. is so back and the food is better than ever. Back from what? I don't know. But the people making these TikToks are 23 and they're like L.A. is so back. Back from what? Middle school? Girl, what are you talking about? Of course, I believe it. I hate watching the whole thing. TikTok is like the tears with the 20-year-old say are the best food. They go great. I'm young. My partner takes me for Valentine's Day to a restaurant we'd never been to, which in Hollywood is such a gamble. Some of these restaurants that are good are trucks. Yes. That best food in Hollywood. Sometimes it's on a truck. Yes, also, but

37:09that's fine. That's good. That's good. That's good. Or the fancy restaurant with the way you got to check out this place of brunch. It's amazing. You go and you're like, hey, how long is the weight? It's about 14 days. Literally. Okay, we'll line up now. I think in Hollywood, sometimes the cheap places are the fucking best food. And then the places that are trying to be something, you're like, this is just normal. Mama tell me about it. So wait, where did you go for Valentine's Day? Because now I just remember what I did about it. I forget what it's called, but this place. We go to the host was so nice. She was so pretty. And she was like, let's just go this way. And I swear to God, maybe I imagined or maybe I read the mind. She was like, let's put them in the overflow room because it's Valentine's Day. So it was like, there was this extra dining room they set up for overflow. Damn. So it's like this big bustling Hollywood restaurant. And then they take me down a hallway past the bathrooms. And it's another room with just another couple in it. And us. And it's like, no, double day double day. Are you serious? The songs they're playing are all about love. So it's like, love me. Love me. It's like all love songs on Spotify. Damn.

38:12Are you enjoying Pandora radio? It's like, no, no, no, no. Then the bar they've projected a video with a projector on the white wall. And the projected video is a loop of Paris with the Eiffel Tower. Now that's classy. That's classy. I got a picture next to it. That's classy. You're going to die. I look kind of potted out. But the, the, the, oh my God. That's so elegant. That's crazy. Overflow room. But you know what though? The food was really good. And this is where it turned around. I was like, okay, whatever. Where is it? It was in Hollywood. I got drinks. And I was like, I'll have the watermelon martini. That sounds kind of fancy. Okay. I don't want to feel like a huge algae. Yeah. But when you, when you drink at gay bars, these straight people drinks, this Capri Sun that was stored with hand sanitizer like, it ain't nothing. There's no booze in here. Oh, right. Right. Right. Right. Right. So for the second round, he comes back and he goes, do you want to get another one? So do you have anything with more alcohol? And the server was like, it's a martini. I was like, not where I'm from, bitch. Yeah. Hello. It's out. Oh, you don't taste that.

39:16This is 100% watermelon zero percent martini baby. That's crazy. But then truffle fries that blew my tits on it. No. Okay. What are truffles? I don't know what a truffle is. I don't need it. It's not important. Okay. I think it's chocolate. No, it's not. It's like a mushroom or something. It's a mushroom. Yeah. Fungi. But I think that it gets turned into a spice. Okay. Like I don't think they're throwing mushrooms on your fries. No, I don't think so either. I think they season it with truffle oil. Yeah. Maybe that underground fungus. Underground fungus. Right. Fierce. So that's what the proctologist just scraped off underground fungus. So then they bring out, I go, well, we kind of ate a late lunch, but we're going to see a play. I didn't know I was going to play. It was a surprise. Okay. Um, three vegan sliders. Horny. What were were they? Tiny vegan sliders. Like in cheese, beginners, yeah, little mini cheeseburgers are all vegan. Delicious. The buttery stunning, warm hot. The little fake meat was like crispy. The bun was like warm and toasted in the

40:20cheese with melty. Girl. Fierce. Amazing. So then I went to see the book of Mormon at the Pantages Theater. And they had you not seen it before. I've never seen it. Oh my god, it's so good. It was great. It's so good. It's a beautiful music. Laughing. I love the message. Yeah. Very much makes fun of Mormonism, but really all religion. I don't think it does. I think it was a very reverent, in fact, but it also kind of shows weirdly the good that religion can bring when the guy starts just making up stories and then the people become very positive. I'm like, okay, sure. Yeah. Um, I loved it. It was great. Love the singing. But something happened to the Pantages that I'm not sure if I can bring up because I don't want to be banned from the Pantages because I'm trying to see Phantom of the Opera in October. Were you vaping? No, no, bobert. I was boberted. Fully boberted. Yeah. Um, it was me and Pantabondi. And we had a bong. We were taking rips off a bong. Um, by the way, that last episode I said, let's put the pipe up to my pussy and Cui Fata crack cloud. I couldn't believe that that was in the episode. That's why I got a district. The top comment was like Cui Fata crack cloud. I said,

41:23who said that? Wait, refrigerators. I was like, who said that? I was like, oh me. Shit. Cui Fata crack cloud. That's good. Um, so we get there. And luckily, I have time to pee. My boyfriend gets in line for snacks. I said, you know, I can't see anything without a snack and a drink. So we're going to get, um, I took, uh, took a half an edible. So it's like, I don't need marijuana. I don't need a drink. I'm just going to have one little glass. I don't need alcohol. Just going to have a glass of wine. Whatever that is, right? Yeah. Um, I'm not, I don't need alcohol. Just have a glass of wine. You know, but as we have my big fat creek wedding, which he's like, you're vegetarian. I'll make you learn. Like is that? So we go up there and we get, oh my god. Oh, they have red vines. I love red vines. And my, my boyfriend don't like chocolate. So I was like, I would get raisinets. Love raisinets. Oh, but I'm going to get red vines. Okay. For the team, go to go in the theater that there are no food and snacks in the theater. So you said they sell, they sell, what? They sell snacks popcorn can be needed there. You can't get there. It's to take home. So I go

42:27into the theater and I just sit holding my, holding my red vines like this, like an NPC in a video game, the whole play. And then during during intermission, I went outside the theater to eat some licorice. That is, I just think it's crazy to sell it. And then you can't eat it. And I was like, maybe I'm just white trash. I don't know how things work. No, no, that's, that is extremely bizarre. And maybe it's for crinkling because of acting. They don't fucking sell it. They don't sell it. They should make movie theater snacks and quiet packaging. Um, they should just fall from the ceiling. A beer helmet. Yeah. It's like, I'm an M's in it. Yeah. I just was kind of in shock. That's crazy. That's insane. What would you do? I would not purchase it. I would have to, I would have to eat it though. But then I thought maybe it was like a semantics thing of like what they're saying is eat it extremely quietly, discreetly. Maybe that's what this is. I think maybe that's what it is. Are they going to throw you out? I would do that, by the way. I would, I would, for once in my lifetime, I would close my mouth when I chew. Yeah. Yeah. But I, I drove, I remember

43:28what I did on Valentine's Day. I drove to the studio, the new studio that me and Andrew have. And I was mad as hell. And um, because I couldn't find parking and I, I like drove past this long ass line. I was like, Janet Jackson must be doing a record signing or something like that. It was like five blocks. I swear to God. It was bagels. People were on an, an interminable lineup outside for bagels. I mean, I love bagels. I love bagels. I want one right now. I'm not really willing to like wait an hour and 15 minutes outside for one. What do you get on the bagel? I mean, I, it's very, it's very ho hum. It's just butter. Everything big, everything bagel toasted with butter. That's it. I can't eat cream cheese. I think it's disgusting. I like, I get the vegan cream cheese and that's less weird for me. I like butter, but nobody ever, like, I do love like a raisin bagel with butter. Yeah. I love it. Or I like strawberry cream cheese sometimes. Yeah. I wish I liked cream cheese. I was lamenting the fact that I am such a picky eater and I wish it wasn't that way. Cream cheese makes me think of like, maybe

44:31it's my age. It makes me think of like commercials about like women being like, I shouldn't have that it's bad. Like that's, I'm so bad. I'm so bad. Because all the ads were about how it's like less fat. So I think cream cheese is probably pretty bad for you. Because the ads are about this one's less bad. Yeah. Who knows? But I, I know it's bad. It's waiting outside for two hours for bagels. Get a life. How good could they possibly be? I guess they're really good. The only lines I see now are, I always see a line, it's a line, it's a cream. Well, that's for a product. That makes sense. That's for a once in a lifetime product. That's like, you know, I can't understand that retail situation, but something that you just have to, you just have to eat two hours later after that. And then gay bar, like if you go through West Hollywood and Saturday, there's lines, like they add me and stuff all up lines. Yeah, what's, I don't do lineups. I don't like lines. I really don't like waiting in line. I'll often I'll go somewhere and they'll just leave. One time I was at Heidi and Closet and we went to the back of the line and because I was like, I'm not cutting. No, I can't cut. I was like, I can't cut. I know I can't do that either. And then she brought me to the front and I was like, I'm Heidi, we're cutting. Yeah. That's how we was fine. That's how we cut. Yeah. But what I'm not going to do is go to the front and in front

45:35of 70 or 80, you know, line humiliated. No one cares, Baldi, you get back and then what? Oh, you have to leave the gay community. It's a bit humiliation. You have to leave the gay community. You have to be, you have to turn straight be a Mormon. Yeah, move to Utah. I just the fear of, like in a movie where you get not, not okay to be let in. I hate it. I hate it. Public humiliation. It's the worst. Fearful. Fearful. But there's the taco place across the street from the studio on Taco Tuesday, baby. Four tacos for $7. And you go in. I go in and I just, I fucking, oh, they're so delicious. They're so, they're so lovely and they're so cheap. I can't get enough of them. I can't get enough of them. Seven dollars. Yeah. Taco Tuesday, baby. My horny place is La Vallita Cantina over in Franklin Village. Franklin Village. Girl. How much are they though? Expensive. Seven. One for one taco. Yeah. Well, is that expensive? Well, I mean, I get four for seven. Seven for one taco is really. That's a lot. Have you tried paying people a livable wage?

46:43Oh, oh, oh, I wonder why I want to ask poll the listeners. I guess I would you buy this shirt? He drought. Does that make sense? I would. Yeah. This one. And then the other one was the Game of Thrones telltrixie. I wonder, no, no, it was me. You have to, it's like a Game of Thrones reference. You have to know that. Are you going to sell these? I kind of want to. I really think you should. Yeah. Why don't you do limited runs? You could do only a hundred or two. Yeah. I think I'm just going to bring them on the road. You know, just physical merchandise. And then he drowns. Does that make sense? Yeah. No, like, um, you know, just bring them around. He drowns. Does that make sense? Yeah. When I die and they talk about who died and they get up there and they say we're here to honor the life of George and Hazel Pinkering. That clip of her where she tells us person you're being haunted by a George and Hazel Pinkering. And the woman goes, well, it's a new house. She goes the land, honey. The land. The land. She's so quick on her feet. You got to be when you're right there. I'll be in my house. High as hell. I'll be watching this is I'm going to say George

47:48and Hazel Pinkering, like I'm talking to the ghost in my house Orlando Orlando Orlando. Do we have an Orlando here? He's here. He's here. God damn it. It's awesome. That, um, well, you know what I watched the other day too? What? Now I had an MRI last year and in the MRI, they let me watch an Netflix movie. So I said, when are you turn on that Ashley medicine documentary? It was good. I'm just trying to actually medicine. So then a year ago, I watched part one last week. I watched part three. I needed time. Okay. So I watched part two and three and they talked about this company that created this. The people that created this company, Ashley Madison, where people don't know you sign up and it's a website intended for you to be able to meet somebody to do adultery with. Yeah. And so so many men signed up. Yeah. So many men signed up. They had a data breach where all of the names of people who signed up got leaked. Do you know about this? I don't even remember that. Of course it's like how God's so funny. Like one of the people

48:49they mainly interviewed was like this YouTuber who was like a daddy influencer with his Christian family. Beers. He got found on there. And first he made an apology for I just made it accounted and do anything. And then later had to tell his wife, never mind. I've been at massage parlors for a year getting it jorked. Jorked. They jorked my penis off. Yeah. So then they talked about all the politicians and stuff around and then this one woman. She was like, I love my husband. I just like found I found out about it because I didn't even know Ashley Madison was. I just like found out about it because came home and he was in the car in the garage and killed himself. Because at his work, they found out he had an account and they made him retire. And then he knew he had to tell me and he just off himself. So one of the things they talked about was like with a data breach that big the danger that some people put out with their men, you know, might not be in a mental state to deal with something like that. So it was like obviously parts of it are salacious because it's about cheating. The parts of it were like, oh my god. And then they obviously alleged that Ashley Madison didn't take the steps to make sure that their users data

49:54was actually safe. The other thing they talked about was like the women they thought they were talking to. They made it sound like it was like a 60 40 ratio women in the website. You think 40% of women are looking for an affair. I don't believe that is true. So that's something they talked about too is like former employees are like, I mean, there were bots. Yeah. Or you know, do you remember when I talked about that documentary about the jerking off class where they had employees get up there and get fingered? You also got to watch that girl. What is that? Is that an exium? No, it was like it was orgasm ink. Not orgasm ink. Girl orgasm ink. But the Ashley Madison doc was really interesting. Dark sided. The F.A.G.s are hurting. Yeah, but the straight people are hurting. Everybody's hurting. That's a straight people website. There's not gay, Ashley Madison. No, that's just called it being gay. Yeah, you know, open relationship. Shall we read some reviews? Oh my god. Obviously we have to read some reviews. We have to. Some pulse pounding reviews from the critics. Is there a dragon called Ashley Madison? That's a fun drag name. It is. Get sued. No. No. No, the girls get sued now. Really? Lexi love from

50:54Drag Race has problems with her name. Why? Why? There's another entertainer named Lexi love who's suing her. Oh, that makes sense. But I mean, if you're like that, I can see that because you're like creeping on her. You creeping on her search terms or whatever. I mean, I'm surprised that Yalena Zamolichikova hasn't assassinated me. Mattel. I know. I know. But there's like, I have that woman's last name, you know, and I'm creeped in. Do you be like that's a candy? I know, but that's crazy. Like we're all in a daily bag north garden. Right. Patagonia is suing patagonia. That person who does activism for a living. Yeah, I could see that. But what is she acting against? That's the thing. I don't even think she's a poor for-profit artist. I think she's like flat out a philanthropist. What are you going to do? Sue the earth. The land. The land. The land. Ladies, ladies, you are so hilarious. I'm starting with your first episode and you're such a great pair with a great podcast. I'm just laughing up worrisley. I can't say I know much about the gay or

51:54drag scene straight 65 year old grandma here. That's right. But I'm hooked on Yal looking for it to listening to all your podcasts and catching up on current episodes. Love you both. Teresa in Missouri. I was going to say 65 years old in this straight. I was like, is this my mom? She would never listen. Yeah, you know, thanks Teresa. Teresa in Missouri. Love, love, love. Trixie and Katya are one of my favorite ways to boost my serotonin. Are we a medically- I guess we're like a medicine commercial. Might as well be like, um, Merck. Merck farmers are two old people on mountain bikes talking about side effects. Yeah, Trixie and Katya make cause blindness. I do think people who listen to us, the side effect is they go to work and they like, they do. They say things like the land, the land, and no one knows what they're talking about. Not that we invent these things. No, we just, but our rattles become their rattles. And then they're standing there at staples with their shift lead. And they say something hazel pink. Right. They say jork in your penis or something. Yeah. Trixie and Katya are one of my favorite ways to boost my serotonin. Love them on YouTube. Love their books. Love their podcast. Great. That's

52:56the kind of love that I want me to. Let's see. Oh, my favorite duo honorable mention to whoever lets out a cackel in the background every so often. They make me laugh out loud. They normally laugh. Trixie. Yeah. The comments are like, I hate that girl who laughs. Tell her shut up. Put it, put it, put it, put a boot in her mouth. Like when you, they listen to the pod, they listen like this. Yeah. Not that Trixie. Girl again. Trixie has joy. They're like this fucking bitch. That fucking, that mirthful bitch shut her up. Well, when you say that, you're silencing a queer, a queer Mexican. Thank you. A lesbian Mexican woman Latin X lesbian. In fact, she should have an she should have a megaphone that whenever she laughs, the car battery hooked up to mind a wired nipples, fries them into outer space. George and Hazel. Pinker. Okay. Bye.

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