99: Exploring The Coaching Habit with Ken Dreyer

Ken Dreyer and I discuss The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever by Michael Bungay Stanier. Our conversation evaluates the book and examines Ken’s experiences putting it to work. Ken is not a coach. My hope is that this conversation shows how simple coaching techniques can help you be a better leader no matter what your role is.

Conversation Highlights

• You don’t have to be an official coach to benefit from the concepts in this book
• Ken would re-title the book “How to ask good questions”
• When you give advice over and over again you become the team oracle
• The book lists seven good questions to ask and examines how each one helps
  • They aren’t meant to be a formula
  • You must build rapport–you can’t just ask the questions and be effective
• How many times do you just provide the answer?
• The power and effectiveness of silence
• Taking notes on interactions at meetings
  • Increases engagement
  • Evaluate what’s going on for yourself
  • Privately vent if it’s not going well
  • Ask yourself questions privately that might change the situation or unlock how you can help
• The valuable dimensions of asking one question (and closing your mouth)
• Understanding and avoiding the Karpman Drama Triangle
  • Hero
  • Villain
  • Victim
• Jim Dethmer elaborates on the Karpman Drama Triangle in this podcast https://fs.blog/jim-dethmer/
• Where the questions from The Coaching Habit fit (and where they don’t) and how you might decide
• Thinking like an Intreprenuer
• Where it makes sense to give advice
• Joint participation in solving the problem vs. taking the whole thing on
• How to help someone who is in a constant state of “I don’t know”
  • A great article by Rick Tamlyn on “I don’t know” (not mentioned and found after we recorded)
• Steve Chandler: Agreements vs. Expectations (a game changer in any relationship)
• If you are in a mentor role, consider how coaching (not giving advice) might create a more powerful outcome

Credits

• Hallon by Christian Bjoerklund
• Cold Funk by Kevin MacLeod

All songs licensed under Creative Commons

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