84 Compassionate Accountability - With Just Amy!

0:00Compassionate accountability. Two words that don't always go together. It can be hard to find the balance between one side, understanding, forgiving, supporting, versus the other side, holding standards, responsibility, follow through. Whether in career, relationships, finances, parenting, and especially with yourself. Most of us fall on one side or the other. The problem is that compassion can slide into excusing or enabling. Accountability can shift into performance policing or shaming. My intention is for you to walk away today with a great both-hand. A new perspective, truly combining human compassion with strong accountability. Let's go. This is the growth moment with your coach, Amy K. Inspiration, ideas, and incredible insights for you to be more and do more. Get ready to grow today.

1:05Here are a few scenarios. Listen up and notice what your instinctive reaction is, so we can see if there's a way you naturally lean. Do you tip more towards compassion or accountability? A team member is totally dropping the ball on the must-win proposal but is going through a divorce. Your adult child is living at home, not paying rent, and it feels like the job's search diligence is low. Your boss keeps rescheduling your one-on-one and you can't move forward without that meeting. Your relative with the drinking problem just caused a scene again even though you recently set some boundaries. You've told yourself you'll get serious about finances yet another month has passed you by. A friend repeatedly cancels last minute. One sibling consistently carries the family load while another just avoids responsibility. So, what's the way to do lean?

2:09There's no right or wrong answer. I want you to simply notice your gut level response. Did it change based on the scenario? Did any of them particularly hit home? Rewind if you want to hear them again and go ahead and write down any of your own scenarios that are already coming to mind. I think we all have a default tendency, often influenced by childhood experiences, whether from parents, teachers, sports coaches, or other key influencers. And for many of us though, who what when where affects how we react? Situation dependent. I invite you to let go of the past and ponder how you would wish to respond. What blend of compassion and accountability do you aspire to? What combo would allow you to create more growth, impact, and success internally and externally?

3:17More designed, less default. That's what we're up to today, a chance to find your own both and in being deeply human right alongside intentional responsibility. To start the design process, let's look at both sides of the equation. When you hear the word accountability, what do you feel or think? What does it mean to you? Feel free to pause and make notes. I've heard a range of emotions from clients over the years. For some accountability evokes clarity, relief, safety, even satisfaction. For others, there are very different feelings, pressure, shame, avoidance, fear of being controlled. What words would you use? Now, when you hear compassion, what do you feel or think? What does it mean to you? Do jot down your thoughts if you can.

4:24Again, it's not one size fits all. Compassion can mean softness, warmth, creating space and permission. However, for some it can signal weakness, lack of boundaries, excusing behaviors. The funny thing is that depending on the person, both can mean or symbolize love. It all depends on your wiring and experiences. One person might view holding accountability as the most loving thing, while another might feel that compassion is the very essence of love. I think society has tended to create a binary between these concepts instead of a hyphenate. What matters today is what all of this is for you. Try to capture your insight so far, your relationship to these two concepts. Pause the audio if needed. When we come back, let's start creating your combo.

5:26As I said, most people tip one way or the other. For me, I naturally lean towards accountability, more of a tough love gal. It shows up in my family interactions, managing teams back in my startup days, and I definitely expected great deal from myself. I've spent the last few decades dialing up my compassion through my coaching, learning to see, understand, and acknowledge the whole human while still pushing for growth. One of my clients says she skews towards compassion and forgiveness. She describes a feeling of fear around accountability. avoids it because she's deeply afraid of screwing up. So instead, she often lets herself off the hook. Oh, us tricky humans. Another client says he usually has low compassion. High parental standards growing up, always focusing on whether he had done enough

6:27and how he should do more. It shows up in his career now as a big focus on the task. Often forgetting the humans involved. One client says it's rigid accountability with herself and her team at work, but absolutely free-flowing compassion when it comes to her kids. Elon Musk comes to my mind, a sky high accountability, compassion reputably, not so much. All these different ways. But here's the downside to leaning too far on one side or the other. Accountability without compassion can become cruelty. Or high standards without heart can create a culture of fear and a company, community, or even within a family. On the other hand, compassion without accountability can become indulgence. Heart without standards can lead to stagnation or even failure.

7:28The magic and the power is in the integration. Here is my challenge for you. I request you design your own special combination, your version of compassionate accountability. What would that look like? Can you write a definition or description? Pause the audio to take a shot, but here are some examples to give you some ideas. This is my first attempt, a very coachy take. Compassion says, I totally understand why this happened. Accountability says, and it still needs to change. Both and says, I so believe in your capacity and ability to change. Let's do it. A client came up with this one. Accountability drives accomplishment. Compassion creates grace.

8:28I'm going for grace filled accomplishment. I love that. And a just asked chat GPT for a few examples that would hit different kinds of personalities and wiring. Here are three that I loved, and I'm putting the rest in the show notes. For the entrepreneur, compassion lets me pivot without shame. Accountability makes me execute without excuses. Together, we build momentum. For the parent, compassion says you're loved no matter what. Accountability says your choices matter. Together, they build capable adults. Oh, so good. And for the helper, compassion keeps me connected. Accountability keeps me honest. Together, they protect my boundaries. Of course, you don't have to put it in AI's snappy form. Describe it your way.

9:28You can create a Venn diagram that helps spotlight your sweet spot. Pick a role model, real or fictional that embodies the best of both. Or maybe you need to just demonstrate it by applying it to real life. When we come back, we get to finish up by bringing your compassionate accountability to one of the scenarios I used earlier, as well as encouraging you to find your own scenarios to play with. Remember those scenarios that I shared at the beginning of the episode? Let's play with how compassionate accountability might be applied. What about the one with a friend repeatedly cancels last minute? I'm literally going to think through this out loud. Leading with compassion only might be, I'm sure something came up again. No problem. We'll try next time, even if I'm annoyed. Only accountability might end up with me saying,

10:31three strikes, my friend is out. Applying my combo approach could look like. I'm open and curious and want to understand why this keeps happening. Along with the truth is, this is not working for me. And I know we can do better than this. Hopefully, I then get more insight into what has been getting in the way. Poor time management, a personal crisis, or my friend just isn't that into me. Depending on what I discover, then I might put the next attempt to get together wholly in their hands and tell them to create a can't miss event and entice me to come. All with a light touch, low judgment, creating space for a shift and not repeating the cycle. I think it's really cool how a combo approach can open up new possibilities and you almost can feel energetically the middle place or the sweet spot,

11:34not leaning one way or the other. Now that I'm getting the hang of it, let's try the team member is totally dropping the ball on the musk wind proposal, but is going through a divorce. The combo might look like, gosh, I can't imagine what you're going through right now and how challenging it must be to try and perform at work. And the truth is, if we don't nail this proposal, we're all in jeopardy. I'm wondering if we can help you bring your normal magic to the process or support you in handing things over to someone else for now. Okay, let's take your compassionate accountability combo. How can you leverage a new both-and with a real-world example from your life? Go ahead, write one down and mess around with what you might actually say or do, just like I did. Think of different approaches and actions. Sanity check to see if you're sliding into micromanagement,

12:37rigidity, shaming or blaming, or slipping into excusing bad behavior, lowering standards or avoiding hard truth. Stretch and build your muscle with this new both-and, finding your own balance. Of course, leveraging the new both-and will be a case-by-case basis. Each life scenario takes some thinking and feeling your way into what to say and actually do. A willingness to practice and be messy as you upgrade your approach. I know for me the combo isn't something I do naturally, yet. Now, you get to take what is useful from this episode and toss the rest. My intention is to help you go for the highest, coolest, most powerful and inspiring blend of compassion and accountability. Also, you can be your full potential self. I have two episodes that go well with this topic.

13:39Number 23, lead with love. And number 43, easy, breezy accountability. Go check them out. I want to hear how you are playing and practicing compassionate accountability. I'm happy to help with any and all of your scenarios. You are welcome to share, ask a question or get your own growth moment, whether it's one-on-one private coaching or joining one of my coaching groups or workshops. Find all the episodes on thegrowthmoment.com and subscribe, follow on your favorite podcast app or my YouTube channel. Now, get out there and grow today.