716: Release the CrackerBot!

The world is a dumpster fire, confirmed. Following California's landmark AI safety bill SB 53, the head of Nvidia is allegedly "quaking in his boots"—which is a good sign, unlike the news that the "Nirvana Baby" Spencer Elden's lawsuit was finally dismissed. Meanwhile, corporate America continues its pivot to chaos: Spotify shuffled its execs, Meta is charging UK users for ad-free Facebook and Instagram, and the UK is introducing digital ID cards (Hello, Mark of the Beast). The entire internet is now dominated by bots, proving the Cracker Barrel logo outrage was manufactured, a fact that's somehow less depressing than the FCC accidentally leaking iPhone schematics. Naturally, Alphabet just paid $22 million to settle President Trump’s YouTube lawsuit, confirming that legal threats are the new VC funding. Disney is panicking over an "AI Actress," sending cease and desist letters to Character.AI, while OpenAI rolls out its new Sora app and ChatGPT's ability to buy things for you, proving it's determined to turn the internet into one seamless, copyright-infringing shopping mall, and it's now worth more than Elon Musk's SpaceX.

The ensuing boredom demands new media, though the pacing is terrible in everything: Slow Horses Season 5 and Human: Neanderthal Encounters are great, but even the original Matrix and Frankenstein trailer (by Guillermo del Toro) feel slow, confirming the Princess Bride litmus test. MXV’s Riot Fest photos were rad, and Disney lost 1.7M subs after suspending Kimmel, which is why YouTube Music is testing AI hosts (who will only be wrong), and the Pivot Tour is happening. Our Apps & Doohickeys department confirms security is an afterthought: macOS 26 unlocked the Journal app, but the smart glasses race is fully on, and Logitech’s new keyboard can be recharged by any light (finally, tech that works!). Amazon Fire TV is expected to ditch Android for Linux, Meta introduced the AI-filled Vibes feed, and Tile trackers were found to have a stalking flaw—a fact only slightly more depressing than the swift failure of the Neon call-recording app and the continued existence of the Comet browser. Finally, The Dark Side with Dave celebrated the low-budget charm of Blue Thunder and the necessity of Disney Park Ride Overlays, while Dave embarked on his quest to unbox the Home Depot R2D2. We thank our patrons for keeping this beautiful noise alive and pay tribute to the amazing Jane Goodall.

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FOLLOW UP

California Governor Newsom signs landmark AI safety bill SB 53

Nvidia Is Quaking in Its Boots

‘Nirvana Baby’ Spencer Elden’s ‘Nevermind’ Suit Dismissed Again

IN THE NEWS

Spotify Appoints New CEOs as Daniel Ek Becomes Executive Chair

Meta announces paid subscriptions for both Instagram and Facebook in the UK

UK announces plans for digital ID cards

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