689: When The New Wears Off

0:00So as I'm driving home from the office today I had two thoughts. The first thought is I'm going to get this podcast out normally the Tuesday podcast goes live Tuesday morning 5 a.m. Eastern time A couple hours later the herd content will go out via email and then a couple hours after that this podcast goes live on YouTube This podcast will not be on YouTube. This is an audio only episode Right now we are on the Tuesday after Labor Day So this is some of you guys are going to listen to this on Tuesday Tuesday evening some of you guys will hear this Possibly Wednesday on your way to work or wherever but I wanted to get this episode out and I thought you know What we're going to go with audio only that will be fine nobody needs to look at this but I I right now I'm in a busy window The miniatry registration is closed We're right in the middle of tribe 18 registration for tribe 19 just opened and We got a retreat coming up here in what would that be 18 days 17 days

1:02From the time I'm recording so I'm in full admin mode when it comes to tribe miniatry those things so perhaps there won't be video episodes I don't know we'll play it by ear. We'll see what happens, but That leads me to the second thing I was thinking of on the way home is and that is how important Consistency is so I've done the pursuit of mailing is for 10 years now technically it started December 9th somewhere around there 2015 I've told that story before you know I knew In me I I wanted to be a better man. I wanted to be a more equipped man I wanted to be a man who stopped playing safe stopped thinking someday Things are just going to get better. I wanted to be a guy who would stretch himself. I wanted to be a guy Who was willing to learn and be challenged and encouraged by others and there was a part of me that thought there's probably some other guys Out there like me there's probably some other guys who feel the same way because I would look at other men

2:05In particular think man they have it all figured out now some guys you knew he's a knucklehead But I would work with or serve with a lot of guys and I just I was just convinced and This guy's got it figured out like he I don't know if he had the perfect upbringing I don't know how he got this skill set. I don't know how he's so calm under pressure I don't know how he seemingly you know has all these different gifts, talents abilities, whatever And I just didn't I felt like I was lacking a lot and again I just felt like there's probably some other guys out there who feel the same way and so for 10 years I've done this ministry for 10 years this ministry has been a blog It's been a podcast. We've done video content. We have the men's retreat. This is our sixth year. We have Net we're going on 19 sessions of tribe, which is unbelievable We've had you know video Curriculum we've a you know emails. I mean, there's just a lot like there's just a lot of stuff that has came out of this ministry a lot of content and a lot of community that I would have

3:06Never imagined back on December 9th 2015. I had no concept of this. I really I Didn't know what I was doing and I'm still not 100% sure if I know what I'm doing But I've learned a lot of things and I'll go back to what I said just a moment ago consistency matters now I wrote this in Last Friday's framework email, but I wanted to expound on it because even within that email I don't feel like I did a good job of articulating what's been sort of bouncing around in my mind and Some of you have heard me share this before and this is not to browbeat anyone I won't name names or anything like that because there's a plethora of names, but having done this for 10 years having seen What would that be about eight or nine years of tribe? Seeing the herd seeing the men's retreat seeing this life on life stuff and in addition to Being given the opportunity from time to time to go to other churches and speak at their men's night men's breakfast men's retreat whatever it is

4:10There is a theme and the theme is there's a lot of guys who lack consistency and That's why they're still struggling with the same things with the pursuit of mailing us I have seen it so many times So many times that a guy will like the page He'll ask to join the close group. He may sign up for something. Let's say the herd the retreat tribe whatever and He's there and he's liking every post and he's commenting on everything and he's in he's in he's in he's in Maybe he's buying all the gear. He's buying the mug the patch the hat the whatever and One day's gone What happened and you realize he unlike the page he left the group he unfriended me He he unfollowed the Instagram account where you're like, oh, well, okay I don't I'm not sure what happened and then a certain period of time later He likes the page. He requests to join. He's buying hats again. He's signing up for things He's doing and you're like, oh, I guess he's back. Okay, and then this is a perpetual cycle look I'm not talking about one guy. I'm talking about there. This has been a consistent theme with a number of guys where

5:13It's almost I don't want to say funny because it's not funny It's quite concerning because I don't take it personal anymore. I think in the beginning I did like me why'd that guy have to unfriend me? Why did he have to quit the group or you know you paid for this? Why would you abandon it like that and you come to realize? This is just how some people live their life. There's this kind of guy who always he starts out real strong and he fades He's got big intentions. He's got the the strong feelings. Maybe he's got these moments of a immense amount of discipline. He'll read his Bible. He's marking everything up. He's got all the commentaries Maybe he's going to the gym and he's getting healthy and he's got the the ruck vest and he's you know doing meal prep or whatever All the right things and then they starts to drift. You're like, well, where did that guy go? Unfortunately, this guy Is far more common than we will admit and I think this is why some guys choose to either not have real community or Keep it JV at best And I'm not challenging your your athletic career what I'm saying is less than varsity less than the best

6:20And for Christian men I don't know if we realize this the cost of inconsistency is way harder than what we realize I mean when you're a consistent guy and again having done this for 10 years that's not the longest amount of time But that's a long time I know some guys who have done this for longer than I have But I'll tell you what in these 10 years I've seen when it comes to men's ministry a lot of guys come and go I've seen a lot of guys create incredible content Have an event write a book have a podcast, you know create Really good quality content build them a closed group whatever and they're gone They did just disappear You know why? Because consistency doesn't play well on social media But it is the difference Between a guy who will preach about faithfulness and a guy who's faithful

7:20You know, I think it was Will Smith and I don't quote will Smith a lot because in last handful of years he looks like He got enough to work on but he had that quote years ago something about you know if you're trying to compete with him He'll stay on the treadmill the longest and it's a great bravado quote after looking at Will's life I don't know I don't hold it of great value now, but I like that idea of like Just be consistent man. It's sort of that tortoise in the hair There are guys that can bust out the gates and they're creating AI content and videos and overproducing and their studio looks like You know one of these big influence or studios and they're getting all the big names and they're doing all the things You know man there there is a place for that But I'll tell you what we're going to be here We're going to be faithful and I know that ain't flashy Paul told Timothy practice these things Emmerce yourself in them so that all may see your progress first time the 415 progress Is only visible when the practice is consistent You can't manufacture progress. I mean you can kind of try to purchase it and it can look good

8:25And you can overproduce it again when it comes to social media your youtube maybe your church But over time people will know You know praying for one day is good a decade of prayers probably even better right When you do the consistent things and you do them Just in this steady way of going about it You don't need to draw attention. You don't need to be the loudest You don't need to be even the longest all you have to do is be faithful today You do that you are you will become a man who can weather the storms Without losing everything A consistent guy is a trustworthy guy. There are people in these 10 years that I have done Life in ministry with That Doesn't mean they show up to everything Doesn't mean they do everything But I trust them I trust them because if they say they will They will their word

9:27Carries the weight their family knows what they can expect from them Lot of guys frustrated your marriage The reason is brother brother You're not consistent Your wife your kids your family your friends they've heard you start again start again start again start again Start again new year new you by the equipment by the bands get the gym get the vest get the shoes get the water bottle get Man, you just got to do the deal. You just got to do the thing God uses consistent men because they can be counted on When the assignment is difficult and nobody applaud for you The irony I just thought of this. I'm sitting in the corner of a very hot garage right now In a camping chair and I got a TV tray holding my computer in my phone hoping this computer doesn't overheat And I took a picture years ago when I had the desk and everything out here This isn't a brag on jared podcast. I hope you get that

10:27And I took a picture of myself I had to tripod and I took it it's a very awkward thing to do to take a picture of yourself like that But I put it on social media and I said something to effective and I don't think it's even out to no more I think I deleted after while I felt awkward about it But there are people like oh, I wish I could do that. I think I'm gonna start I wish or they think that you just do Podcasting all the time or whatever the thing is I'm like I literally left the office at 515. I'm doing this right now at 556 And I will be on zoom tonight till at least 10 o'clock And then probably till about 1040 when the file is done being rendered I know other people work way longer than I do. I'm just telling you That's that's how it happens by being consistent Because when you neglect consistency And you don't have to have a podcast or ministry to do this just in your life The damage to you and to your marriage and to your parenting rarely arrives all at once That doesn't it's little by little and it comes quietly first

11:29You start to grow soft In particular your soul will grow soft you don't have daily rhythms of prayer scripture you're not denying yourself you're not practicing discipline You become spiritually emotionally and relationally flabby Temptation finds it way easier to overtake you You have no conviction and you'll live by impulse Instead of I discipline And anybody who tries to tell you different you will make them out to be your enemy And that moves to number two your relationships will suffer your wife can't predict your emotional availability or Spiritual leadership when you were all hot and heavy for 72 hours And now you're back to cussing and crying and drinking and watching things you shouldn't watch and emotionally Unavailable the children see a father who starts and stops all the time. They're like what is going on? At some point your kids will grow up and say he's a kid

12:29Your home doesn't have any center of gravity. There's no anchor for everyone And that will move to number three regret You reach your midlife who knows where a midlife is you but you reach a point in your life for later years You look back and you realize you left this trail of unfinished commitments You abandoned discipline time and time again Relationships never got to the point of depth that they were supposed to and then The result is rarely one catastrophic failure But what happens is small battles are lost Relationships are damaged you don't even respect yourself anymore Because of the cumulative effect of a thousand small choices to quit when it got hard Boring or the new car smell wore off A lady in our church was asking me the other day about small group and trying to raise the standard in her group She didn't use that phrase. I wish she did but raise the standard in her group

13:31To get these ladies to commit and say hey, if you if you sign up you're committing to me She's like when I said well, we have a covenant tribe and I was kind of explaining it to her I was like some people take that covenant very serious, but a lot of guys don't All they wanted to do with center for this group They they they saw a podcast. I saw some guys. I want to be in it Maybe they get their wife or girlfriend off their back like I'm in a men's group You know like but they're not really in the men's group. They're just signed up for it They got you know, maybe a couple things sent to their house and you know But they're not doing anything with it because the new car smell wore off. There's some guys We've seen this at the men's retreat and unfortunately it'll happen this year This guy will meet you know a bunch of guys in tribe And it'll get fired up about it and the guys in tribe will get fired up about him The problem is by September 26th the day the retreats over to December 1st when we actually start the next session of tribe There's a million miles away He'll have the book. He'll have the journal. Have the field guide. Oh have the decal. I have everything he needs He'll have the invitation to the group. He'll have his point man group and he won't do it

14:32You know why because in two months that that all that news car smell had already worn off on him It happens every single year I mean, I can visually see guys that these guys have circled around and be friended and invited to lunch and Haven't sit by him and this guy came by himself and he's got friends and He went back home and he's back to the same old same old You got to start small But you also need to be very specific. This is where we struggle very specific You need to choose one or two things and say these are non-negotiables Maybe it's morning prayer and scripture. I'm not budging on this We do we call it coffee with Christ. I mean you call whatever you want. I don't care But the idea is we're gonna grab a cup of coffee you drink a monster or a water or a gatorade I don't care what you have and set some time alone with you and the Lord And then maybe you devote some time where you can set with your wife and kids Maybe start a family text a weekly check-in with a trusted brother in Christ one that won't allow you to give him a bold crap

15:33Sandwich one that will say no no man. I'm not hearing that no more I'm not no you're either a liar or you're the most unlucky person in the world. No No, you you chose not to you chose to hit snooze four times That's on you man. Don't wait till you feel like a brother do the thing because you decide to do the thing Decide this is what I do now. I'm not going back. I'm not no more And then begin to track it. I've been keeping a journal every day of this year actually every day since Christmas Eve of last year Just writing some things down. Well some days a lot some days not that much, but I track it without becoming realistic And then I'm going to put things on the calendar Well like tribe zoom call tonight. I marriage call tomorrow night another tribe call another you know whatever I have these touch points on my calendar Where I'm going to have connection and community and what it does is it creates this visible thing that says Hey, you need to do this because what gets measured tends to get done

16:34If I neglected Again, it hurts me But then it's going to hurt my marriage. It's going to hurt my parenting a consistent Christian man will never become impressive overnight We're always I'm always leery. I shouldn't say we I am always leery of the guy who will get in tribe or come to the retreat And he is just personality a him him him him him He wants these guys to be impressed with him his stories his life his person brother you're in the wrong group Because we won't be impressed with you You know why we got enough stuff going on You're in the wrong group. There's probably a group for you out there And if there isn't you probably should start one called the you group and everyone can come and they can be impressed with you Your wisdom your knowledge your stories because that's not going to be us at all A Christian man doesn't become impressive overnight, but you will become solid Over time over years your character will begin to gain weight and credibility your influence will grow quietly Your family and church will learn I can trust him

17:35I can count on him and he adds value This is the kind of guy the church needs this is the kind of guy the family needs This is the kind of man that God has always used since the beginning of time A guy who is willing to live a disciplined structured life who will not believe or buy into his own excuses I Want to go back to what I said and I'm not picking on anyone. I'm just telling you this is the reality There are so many guys I've seen and again social media. No, it's not an accurate barometer of real life So many people treat their Facebook like it's real life you didn't like my post you didn't share the picture You didn't get off me, okay? Like it's not real life But what I have seen is how social media at times is reflective of real life There have been a number of men through the years that I have talked off the relational Ledge if you will Nobody likes my post nobody watches my videos nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody. No, but it's one big E or

18:40And so you try to talk them down. No, you need to understand. It's not like that. I don't think you're reading that right I man, you know, these are grown men you can't make them like your posts. Can't make them comment can't make them can't make them Hey, where'd he go? Oh waitie unfriended me. Oh waitie left the group A way to block this person and that person and they have like these selective people that they keep as friends Man, you can do that But what I want to caution you with is don't let that be a pattern in your life Because too many times I've seen with these guys. They're not making disciples They're not evangelizing the lost They're not getting involved in ministries whether a local church or anywhere else where they have real time and skin in the game You know why? Because they're always prone to get their feelings hurt And so you get involved in a ministry in the pastor tells you know you get involved in a ministry and they cut your budget You get involved in a ministry. You have no budget You get involved in ministry and people quit and you go oh man. I don't like that. Yeah, no kidding

19:42That's how everyone else feels when you keep quitting And these people stop going to church Or they jump from church to church to church be Larry of the guy who jumps in both feet loud and proud He's all it's all about him again when he shows up at your church any pastor worth his weight will say be careful of that dude We're not gonna let him get involved in a ministry for at least six months And you know why you want to do six months? Well one there's an insurance purpose here That's a whole different story. We'll get it later. But secondly He'll wear himself out. He doesn't have six months He wants to jump in he wants to make a big splash. He wants everyone to applaud everyone to look at him Everyone to circle up have the emotional ambulance roll around him and when he doesn't get it He can't just be there. He can't just participate. He will then once again become inconsistent He might even run people down. He might even tell lies. Look man. This is a pattern of so many people

20:43I've talked to some people about this like look man. You just keep doing this at what point in your life Do you say I am going to learn to have some grit I'm going to sign up I'm going to show up I'm going to participate I'm going to invest Even if I don't feel like it Even if I'm not getting the response that I think I am due Even if I grow weary and tired I'm gonna do it Because I told myself I'm gonna do it as I was getting the microphone and the the the The computer charger and stuff to come back out to this garage I thought to myself you know being consistent Is an incredible resource for a man of God because you don't buy into your own excuses I don't say this to pat myself on the back. I don't drop the ball It is very rare That if I said I'm going to do something that I'm not going to do that I will do it. Forgive me

21:45I just rare that I won't do it. I got myself tongue tied Um that has not always been the case But if I tell you I'm gonna do it I'm probably gonna do it If I tell you that I'll be there. I'll be there. It's again. It's pretty rare And I don't say that to pat myself on the back what I'm saying is I've learned that from doing things like that I've learned that from being in ministry I've learned that from from being married for 25 years I've learned that from raising kids 21 19 13 I've learned consistency will always win I will never be the flashiest I will never be the most overproduced once again TV tray camping chair 90 degree garage I'm never going to be that guy. I don't want to be that guy. That's not who I am But I will be consistent and I want you to be consistent as well What I have found over time is What you are Is what you will retract attract

22:46What you are Is what you'll attract If you're an inconsistent guy You will attract inconsistency because you will never make anyone else uncomfortable And guys who prefer to buy into their own excuses or be inconsistent or be lazy or be apathetic or non-committal Always attract that group You love it you love it and you're going nowhere and you're fine with that But for the guys that aren't I promise you when you get up early and you're putting in the work whether it's physically working out Spiritually working out when you're praying the prayer with your wife when you're praying over your children When you're paying the bills when you're mowing the grass when you're emptying the dishwasher When you're mopping the floor when you're taking out the garbage when you're picking up after everybody else When you're changing the toilet paper rule when you're picking up the community cups when you're doing the things that nobody's ever going to notice or Are ever going to applaud you for the Lord sees that and he is growing your character and he's growing your opportunities

23:53I'm telling you I'm not saying this is not health and wealth But I'm telling you the Lord knows whether you can be trusted with anything The Lord knows proverbs 423 above all else guards your heart for it is the wellspring of life He knows when you get bitter and jaded he knows when you get your feelings He knows when you get the case of the sads he knows when you become EOR and you start to villainize everybody in your the victim And you misunderstand me and you don't know who I am good. You can live that way But for the rest of us We're on borrowed time And we got things to do Again, there are people in our life who depend on us to get this right There's churches out there that need men of God to be men of God And it's rare if you're a man of God be rare Be okay being rare you're probably the only one that's going to pray in your group You might be the only one that's actually going to show up You might be the only one that wants to stay the Bible. I'm okay with that and you should be okay with that too And if you need a group join tribe

24:55We got a ton of dudes over the world who want to stay the Bible who want to be sharpened who want to juggle one another Sometimes make fun of each other have inside jokes whatever But man, we will take the main thing serious all day long We got a group. We'd love to have you a part of it But I promise you that's the kind of guy God has always used Just think about it Think about it Make yourself a list Create some non-negotiables Measure your progress hold yourself accountable See what happens Worst case scenario Your character will grow People start to notice they may never come up to you and give you a gold star a hug or a gift card Don't tell you what You will change the way your presence makes people feel And that might be the best thing we can do on this side of eternity For you men that heard we're going to continue that conversation over there for you guys listening Thank you guys for who listen who share the show Who subscribe You guys the retreat man. I look forward to meet you guys in a couple weeks

25:56Once again, the tribe registration is open. Love you to be a part of that. Thanks for listening. Let's keep pursuing Biblical manliness You