660. How to "Outsmart" Loneliness with Michael Trainer

Why does real connection feel rare, even when you’re constantly around others?

I sit down with Michael Trainer, author of Resonance: The Art and Science of Human Connection, to question what we think we know about loneliness and human connection. His background in neuroscience and global initiatives brings a different lens to something most people assume is purely emotional.

We challenge the idea that more people equals more connection. It becomes clear that the quality of your relationships directly affects your biology, from your nervous system to long-term health.

I also get into my own experiences with confronting reality versus escaping it. This tension shows up clearly when we talk about psychedelics and healing and how they relate to sobriety.

When your environment or relationships don’t match who you are, your system responds. That’s where resonance stops being abstract and starts becoming something you can feel.

Read: Resonance: The Art and Science of Human Connection by Michael Trainer (https://amzn.to/4lepU1n)

You’ll learn:

[00:00] Introduction

[06:05] Psychedelics as confrontation vs. escape, and the fake shaman problem

[14:39] The cruel irony of writing a book about loneliness

[21:15] What Michael discovered in Sri Lanka that most outsiders never find

[34:47] More connected to God, lonelier with people, the paradox nobody talks about

[51:59] What a real ceremonial leader sounds like, the Jerry Nelson story

[01:01:10] A father who never heard "I love you" and refused to let love die on a napkin

[01:21:03] What 12-Step groups and indigenous healing traditions actually share

[01:40:57] Why we're more connected than ever but lonelier than ever

[01:52:52] Nature as a nervous system reset, vision fasts, and 40 days in the dark

[01:59:13] Declaring your fear on stage and singing to 50 horses in Patagonia

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Resources Mentioned:

Read: A Horse Named Lonesome: Tales and Teachings to Reclaim Connection, Transcend Separation, and Discover the Divine Within by Luke Storey | Book

Read: Animal Power: 100 Animals to Energize Your Life and Awaken Your Soul by Alyson Charles | Book

Alive Again: A Story of Music and Memory | Website

Read: Secrets of the Talking Jaguar: Memoirs from the Living Heart of a Mayan Village by Martin Prechtel | Book

Read: The Disobedience of the Daughter of the Sun: A Mayan Tale of Ecstasy, Time, and Finding One's True Form by Martín Prechtel | Book

Carbogenetics | Website

Read: The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles by Steven Pressfield | Book

Read: Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert | Book

Read: Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect by Matthew D. Lieberman | Book

Read: Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly by Anthony Bourdain | Book

Full show notes at lukestorey.com/trainer3

Find more from Michael:

Michael Trainer | Instagram | Facebook | X | YouTube

Resonance: The Art & Science of Human Connection | Website

Find more from Luke:

Luke Storey | Instagram | Facebook | X | YouTube | LinkedIn

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