610: Christmas Eve Eve

0:00This is a headgun podcast. Jabb around! Oh my god! Yeah! Yeah! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! That's the real thing! Ah-ha! Yeah! Yeah! Oh my god! Oh my god! Look at that! Yeah! That's the real thing! That's the real thing! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! What's your name, Merry Christmas? Is it Christmas already? We're doing a Christmas episode. Oh my bad. Don't be screaming Merry Christmas like that. I used to work at a bar in a little Greek island. We know when underage when you were 12. Yes, but I was a child. When I was a child and I remember the guy who owned the bar. Bar's name was Savino. The owner was with Christos. And people would walk in year-round. He would say Merry Christmas. Is it his cause he didn't know English? I don't get it. I don't know, but it always made people smile. It was very smart with that.

1:00Happy day! Happy day, Holanday! Happy day, Holanday! Thank you, Holanday. It's Christmas. It's Christmas. It's Christmas. It's Christmas. Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. Like happy year. Good year. No, Holanday. You just say, Chronyapola means Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. It means all the things. So if I walk up to somebody and says, Chronyapola means happy Valentine's Day. I don't know why you just said it. Chronyapola, yeah. That's a really polio. You can say it up birthdays, Chronyapola. You can say it new years. You can say Christmas. Happy New Year. Chronyapola. Yeah, Chronyapola, like Chronos, like time. Anyway, this is your duo, Lingo, app, come to life here on the podcast. Hi, goodness. My goodness. Chronyapola. Can I tell you something that's fun? Is that I actually have a podcast studio built. And it's so cute. It's got all the posters up. It's got plants. It's awesome. Except for we put it out near like the garden, which is great, super quiet.

2:02But the house next door has decided to engage in a one-year-long full Renault. Oh, no. And no matter how much we soundproof, then now this little podcast studio, you can't compete with like Jack Hammers. So I'm in still in the closet, you guys. I'm still in this really. Women tend to not love the Jack Hammers. Am I right? Okay. All right, moving along. It's Christmas, Christmas Eve. Episode 610, of course written by Sophia Lear. I love Sophia. Why'd you whisper when you said her name? I don't know. It's got excited. Didn't realize that's who wrote it. It's such a good episode. And directed by the King, the one the only. Trentio. Trent, Trent, owe us some money. I don't care what anybody says. Trent, owe us some money. I feel like the way I'm reading this, actually, we probably owe Trent some money. Oh my gosh. I mean, it's working. He was working indeed, but because we allowed it. Oh, I see. Take your power back, Hannah.

3:03Take your power back. Stop trying to get these men, like they didn't know. No, he was there because we said, we said yes, we want him. Preach. He didn't come first. We didn't land on Trent Rock. Trent Rock landed on us. That's stop you can't. Sexual chocolate. Just tired of this. I got love, Trent, but Trent, you owe us some money. Well, look, he's got it to spare. So that's fine. So rich. So rich. Yeah, all right. So let's dive in. Let's dive in. Yes, it's currently September. And we are about to talk about Christmas. Christmas Eve. Eve to be specific. Everyone puts the final touches on their secret Santa Gives. Just has something big planned for Nick. But Nick gets stuck working at the bar. Winston and Schmidt, they go last minute shopping for Cece. And just forget to put her own name on those secret Santa list. But since this is a new girl, obviously everything ends up being perfectly with a big festive moment.

4:07Okay. Even I remember even watching this. I was like, I remember this episode, I remember a lot of it. And part of me, probably was like, doesn't this end with something? Yeah, it does. It would something like the day is saved. And it's a big moment. And in those fans of this podcast and the show, no, how it ends, I'll just say this. This doesn't happen in real life. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. Let me tell you what you're not doing. You're not getting a hold of darling love and a choir, a church choir like these black folks they had nothing else better to do. This is what I will say though. I love it because sometimes new girl throws out like a crazy character trait. And then it just like hangs in the wind for the entire series and nobody talks about it. We just saw all of these crazy, exciting things about Robbie's life and his connections and who he knows.

5:08And I love that they use him to explain how darling love got there from a hot yoga class. Yeah, nothing to do with music. Nothing to do with music. Even though he played with Santana or whatever. Oh, gosh. I love it. I was like, all right, at least if we're going to do the bit, like do that. What are you going to say? So the cold open is Halloween night and we're all wearing the people versus OJ Simpson costumes for the characters. And we're going to talk about me. Good to go. Oh, my gosh. You look cute and dapper and put together and whatever. And I judge Edo. Who is judge Edo is who I had to play. Here's the thing. I remember being like, this is actually really fun. Because I'm always dressed up in some cute little outfit that passed Halloween's that we've done on the show. So it's kind of fun to like do something weird.

6:10But I will say this. At the end of the series, the EPs gave all of us a gift. And it was a beautifully framed photo of a moment in the show. Yes, you have it in your house. I have it right now. Yeah, I know you have it in your house. And they gave everybody their photos and we all unwrapped it. Much like this episode. We all unwrapped it and we saw what the gift was. And mine is a group shot from this scene. It is me dressed as Edo is out of the entire series. They thought you know what she wants to hang in her house. Is her dressed as a man, a hairy man. But they were all the same photo, weren't they? No. Are you sure? Yes. My group shot I thought was a photo.

7:11Hold on, am I thinking? You think it's from this scene? It's not. You all got different things. And I don't know. You might be on drugos. You got the Satan. There's no way. Yeah, wait. No. It's not from this scene. Hannah, so they gave you. Yes. The photo, you dressed like a straight-up dude. That's right. Beard and everything. That's right. Trying to give you ideas. Playing the scene right now. Yes. Anyways, hang it up. Can I, and now I want to walk away for like 10 seconds and go. Walk away for 10 seconds. Hold on, hold on, hold on. It's like Final Jeopardy. Diddy? Diddy get that say? There's no way. I remember it because everybody else got something that made sense and they all looked their best version of themselves in their photos that were framed.

8:12I think it was from Liz, Dave, Brett, Jake, Caston. I'll give it to these gifts. Very thoughtful. Thank you very much. But mine was the only one where I was dressed. Oh, let's see. I can hear a little more in coming. He sounds joyful, which usually means he's correct. This is going to be a hard-pelt swallow because I built a story in my mind that I was singled out with this terrible, crazy choice. Not terrible for the show. It was very fun to do for the show, but hanging in my living room for the rest of my life. As a representation of a show I did for a decade. Well, hold on. Well, I threw it in the trash. Yeah, I don't know where it is. The closest thing I could find to us. Uh-huh. What's this? I mean, Saturday night left. You had it before I saw it in your house.

9:12I had it. I was just looking at my own face. I had it in my head. Near, not that I want to say this part out loud. It was near your Emmy. Yeah, I think what I think, but I did the architectural diodes, too? Oh, you hit it. I think they took it down there. Probably like let's not have photos of, um, you're without your permission. I don't know. I just never, I don't know where it is right now. It's something that we have. Okay, all right. Well, we'll never know. Because I've still got this right there. I've still got this. It's like I was talking back with the Emmy. I was like, I saw you back with the Emmy. Yeah. Okay, you guys, all right. So here we are. We are, we're there. We're setting up the, it's October 31st. And so at midnight it becomes November 1st, which for a lot of people that is the beginning of Christmas season, they've been waiting. They're like, forget Thanksgiving. We're going straight to Christmas. No, when do you put your decorations up? The day of probably. Christmas morning, you're like, hold on Lily. It wasn't until I had a child that I started celebrating Christmas.

10:12I never celebrated it prior as a kid. We didn't do it. So I didn't have that like, oh, it's Christmas time. I did grow up like as I got older because of like parties and stuff. And like the season is nice. It's very festive. Very. Very fun to be around. You know what I mean? All those little elves. That's nice. You know. I was at the Christmas in LA. It was always fun. So many good parties in LA for Christmas because it's not cold. And so you see all these people spending money bringing in like snow machines and building like slunning in their backyard in a gorgeous sunny day. So you can like dress up for fun in your flannel. But it's, this is the hot LA day. I mean, look at me. It's 90 degrees outside. Look at the hat I'm wearing. Yeah, I know. We're weak. LA's made us all weak. I know. I just, I put this on because I didn't get hair cut. I want to buy this seed my, my stress.

11:13Okay. Anyway, um, so yeah. All right. So she wants to do a whole big Christmas. They say Christmas is canceled. We don't want to deal with it. Jess has a nervous breakdown. And their compromise is secret Santa. One thoughtful gift. Yes. That's right. Which reminded me of the first gift you ever got me. Oh, she's not what I know. I wish I found I'm in a hunt. I have it somewhere. The, the wrote a note and you left it in my trailers after season one. You got me a gift. Mm hmm. Okay. And do you know what? You're a really good gift giver. You're also very generous. You always spend a ton of cash on people. It's very sweet. You really think about it. You do all the things. Do you know what you got me is after one season of New Girl? Okay. Um, uh, first gift perfume.

12:15We share a trailer. We are close to you and I. You got me a gift card to Jamba Juice. Lamar Morris. Ha, ha, ha, ha. You got, do you understand? You're my first rich friend. Is that what I do? I worked so hard. I got to tell you I got to show you my first rich friend. And you got me. Now here's the thing. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. It's not entirely your fault. You had called someone on my team. Okay. And you would said, I want to get a hand I gift. What does she really like? And these guys said she loves a smoothie. I, yeah, I do remember this. Yeah. So you thought, okay. And I walked in and it was like, I love working with you.

13:18I hope we get to do this for the rest of my lives. This is the greatest thing we're on a ride forever. Here's the season one rap gift. And it was a gift card to Jamba Juice. And I remember sitting there and I was like, the first of all so nice you got me a gift. Also, I was like, came my first rich friend. But to be fair, I think what you're probably leaving out is that the Jamba Juice gift card probably had like $1,000 in general. You know what the crazy thing is? I also had money for the first time ever. I probably never used it. All right, you guys floating out there in the universe is a $1,000 gift card to Jamba Juice. Yeah, I, I, that's true. I did my research, I dug in. They came back with information. I applied that information. Yeah. And I, and I moved forward as necessary. It, which makes me think of because the next episode, next week's episode was all about in jokes between our characters. Oh, yeah. And it made me laugh when I rewatched it

14:18because I was like, you and I actually do have a lot of weird inz jokes that nobody else would understand. Yes. But also, it's unfair to say rich after season one. That's also true. I wouldn't say rich. I would say, I would say, doing better than I had previously been doing. You're here, you're talking about rich friends and you, you're rich and you can't get a cord. This is true. I'm like, I'm not rich like that. I need a cord sponsored. I got cords. I got cords on cords on cords. Shout out the cord over street. Anyway, anyway, okay, you guys, we digress. That's gonna be the name of our next podcast. We're gonna start with a call with that grass. Okay, so they decide to do secret Santa. Yeah. I try to love by the way, I'm a fan of secret Santa. I love it. Yes. So now we flash forward to Christmas Eve Eve. Yes. So you can say I know it's happening at 6 p.m. Yeah.

15:18Snacks would be pot luck. Yes. Just yours are favorite Christmas memories. You know, her dad, we can know, we talked about this already. No, yeah. My dad waking up with hot cocoa, our dog Frank dressed up as Rudolph. Do you know what that was? Why she said Frank, that was the name of my kitten? Your cat, yeah. At the time. And it was really cute. And I think her and I had been talking about, oh, that's right, that week of this episode, I had adopted two new kittens, Alfie and Zink. And I had told Zoe about it and she was super excited. Now I was showing her pictures of my kittens. And then I was talking about how Frank was so special because he had a special, he had a special needs cat. And so she dropped it in there. It's a little reference to my pet. And it was very sweet. It made me smile when I heard it. Especially needs cat. What happened? What was the need for you? He was blind. And yet asthma. And he only had three nipples. You had a blind. As mad as three nipples. As mad as couldn't breathe. It was also the runt of the letters. We stayed as a kitten looking his whole life. He was so cute.

16:19Oh my gosh. Oh boy. Oh boy. I feel like I still don't like him. Just, you know, I probably like him very, he blinded blind. These cats, they're so fast. And I don't trust him. Well, he was not that fast. I like a lazy cat. I like a lazy cat. Way to go. We play a cat now. You got to be all on board with the cats. Shout out to Garfield. That's a good one. Um, dropping later this fall. Is it really? Can't wait. My favorite. So just reiterate that only a secret sentence gives us a lot of the exchange. That's it. Yes. So Mary, so if you're married, don't bring your gifts for each other, but Schmidt and C.C. They aren't doing gifts for each other at all, because you know, Schmidt tells the room, whoever has C.C.s name, you better step it up. Okay. You better step it up. Uh, now Jess is introducing their secret Santa helper who happens to be the, the Robbie, of course, Robbie. Robbie is a serious regular at this point. I feel like the last six episodes we talked about,

17:20we've had Robbie in it. Shout out to Nelson Franklin. He'll wrap and label otherwise it was going to be a dead giveaway. Remember that? Dead giveaway. Yeah, because Nick clearly wouldn't know what he was doing. No caveman wrapping skills. Yeah. And so Robbie would come in. He would help out. But Nick's got to go to the bar. He gave staff a few days off to organize receipts. He also has the organized receipts where they're accountant. So stupid. This is the final. Yeah, he's like today is the due date. And he's like, yeah, the due date. So I'm doing it today. DOI and G, the due date. I love how he's like, if you think about it, DOI and G, shouldn't be doing, should be freaking doing. Oh, he's actually not wrong. He's not wrong, but he's also wrong. He's also very wrong. More people are saying doing than they're saying, doing and making sound effects.

18:22So Jess is now in her room. She's telling Robbie that she got the perfect, first of all, I don't, this, this dynamic is very much so telling of what's going to happen in the future. It's getting weird. It's getting weird. I don't need, if you're a mark, if you're future soon, I have a girlfriend, but this is for her. And for any future girlfriends out there. I mean, this, this, this, this is her and that. We will work out, but I'm just saying, you know what I mean? Just in general, for people, if you have a girlfriend, all right, or if you have a boyfriend, don't be sitting there just, ah, pining over the gifts that you need to get, your ex, the perfect gift, the ex that you happen to live with, like I understand, man, be secure, I get it. But at the same time, women help us out here. Don't be sitting here, just go, I need to get the perfect gift. I gotta, it going through all this trouble. Yeah. You're doing the absolute most for your ex. No.

19:22Knock it off. Knock it off. Knock it off. We did it. And appropriate behavior, really. Very inappropriate. I'm like, if my woman was over here, I just gotta put ex at the spirit. It's Christmas. I just gotta give them the perfect gift. I would help her out. You know what I would do? I'll help her get that gift, right? I'm telling what to pick out. I'm telling what to pick out. I'm like, you want that? Yeah, it is good. He's gonna love this. All right, now take it to his house and deliver it to him. She gonna take it to the house and deliver it to him. Then she gonna call me to see how it goes. Then she gonna find out that I've changed my number. And then she's gonna be like, well, it was something's wrong with the phone. Then she gonna drive to my house. She's gonna see a four-sale sign up there. And the locks don't work. It's gonna be like, hey, me and you go over there. Because you ain't put this one starting to my gift. You and I have spent too much time together. Because the first thing I, my brain was like, I'll be picked the gift. When you come back, I guess what that key's not gonna work. Like, yes. Surprise, my goodness. I changed the locks. Yes. I paid for a locksmith. Yeah, yeah. I ain't gonna do all that with you. Go ahead. No, it's weird, but here we are in New Girl Land where the weirdness is the game.

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24:26This one is the I love this one. It's kind of great. It's kind of great. I think where he goes through all of his names. The names. Yeah. Or a fan made something with all the names on it. I can't remember what what it was. He's waiting for a secret Santa gift to arrive. He keeps running out to check the door. It reminds him that he can just track the package. The fact that Winston memorized the tracking number is my favorite part of the whole thing even more so than the name. Memorize the tracking number. A bit. No, that's how you track it. It's so Winston. He's the police officer. Oh my gosh. It's so stupid. But yeah. So Winston finds out that at 918, the package delivery was refused. So he asks, Schmidt, did you refuse a package for retired rear admiral, Jake Garajaru? Listen to what you just asked me. Listen to what you asked me.

25:28Of course I did. This one right here, I remember this bit of me just saying, damn it way too many times. Usually it's like, damn it, damn it, damn it. This one was damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it. Schmidt, I am retired rear admiral, Jake Garajaru. It's my secret alias. Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it. The funniest is when he's like, Kenneth, like you start going through like not, like you just clearly just wrong names of someone who's gonna deliver something. Ponti is pilot. I was just naming random thing Rick Smith's basketball player. I think Ponti is pilot as a nibbligal character, a historical Roman character or something like that. I was just saying stuff. It was so dumb. Though what I love about this moment and New Girl does twists well, right? Is that the gift is for C.C. And now Schmidt is all in. And you have these guys together. That's right.

26:28This just became a Schmidt and Jake Garajaru mess around. Yeah. That's right. They go and attack the delivery lady, which is also the funniest scene. Mm-hmm. What the hell, my gosh. It is weird that you can't, the truck goes like, is at the next house. You can't be like, hey, I think my package is in there and they're like, sorry, now you got to wait till like next week when we come around again. Yeah, that's weird. But I just, it's there. Like that's for me. It's been bought and paid for. It's mine. You don't own it. You don't own it. No, no, no. How do you get to gatekeep? The truck also, by the way, you have no doors. Right. Like is that even a locked vehicle? Just give me my package. Yeah, I'll hold up my ID. You see that? That's my name. That's right. That doesn't be tricky for Winston. He can't hold up. We're Admiral Garajaru. That's all. That's, that's, yeah. Yeah, that was tricky. But knowing Winston, he has a fake ID. You imagine he just pulls out like nine fake IDs, the smallest corrupt cop ever. Okay.

27:28So now Jess is on the phone with Reagan trying to convince her to fly down for a night to surprise Nick because she'd got him the glasses that she found out that Nick already had. These terrible, crazy, weird cycling glasses. I wouldn't say like I don't even know what they don't want. They're like a first dad in Florida. What are they saying? Yeah. Very flora, flora, flora, Arizona baseball player. That's right. You know. So she's devastated. So she needed something else. She goes big. She's going to fly down the X girlfriend. I'm also like, where's all this money coming from again? But okay. People, people be rich on TV. Then talk about overstepping. Talk about change the locks. What does Jess then do? After she's like, I'm going to fly in your X girlfriend for Christmas. She calls him to ask permission to wash his bed sheets. Now you got your girl. It's so weird. Your X girlfriend's going to come over to wash your bed sheets. That's crazy. I cannot.

28:28But I'd allow it. I'd say thank you. I'm like, CC, you need to go get your girl. Like you need to go help her. That's a clear spiral. Something. It's a crash out of like epic proportions. Oh, yeah. But he's glad that she called because the bar is an absolute chaos. It's a zoo. Yeah. He hasn't even been able to start the receipts for the account. He's like, look, the point is I'm swan. So I won't be able to make it to Secret Santa. Yeah. If you said the bar is full of elves who are done with their mall shifts and Jess in this episode. This is the most avoidable episode. Anyway, not like the episode didn't need to happen. But I mean, like all the circumstances were so avoidable. Jess decided that she has to go help. So he can be back at the loft for the big surprise. Yeah. So she drags CC, which is also I love when like a show just says the truth and leaves it. And it's funny because it's just true.

29:28And that's the bit where she's like, it's my day off. And I actually don't need more than that. Keep by. Yeah. I don't want to be here. So I'm not going to. I'm a grown adult. Bye bye. Yeah. So what could have happened? Reagan comes in town next not at the loft, which gives her a moment because you know, he can see and pick her up. Sure. Which she could just or she's a surprise. I should say. So she could chill at the house. Yeah. Or show to the bar. Or go to the bar. Santa outfit and surprise him. It's a surprise. So cute. He still grow man with a job. We don't just sit there and take that and shut down your own business. Like, this is crazy. It's easy. How cute to be surprised at your job by your sex little girlfriend and her Santa outfit. Unless you got to say, unless you got a work girlfriend, a work wife, you know, where the lines get blurred sometimes. And you don't know what's going on before you know, you're a cuddling. You don't know what's happening. You know what I mean?

30:29A glance across the room turns into a thumb anyway. So let's go. Not a thumb. I don't know what goes on in these bars. I just assume all the things, the thumbs get the gorgeous and gorgeous. I just people be doing all kinds of stuff. I articulated joints. If you if you are, okay, this is the next one. I'm going to join dropping from Winston. Let me explain something to you guys. If you all may ask me, let me request something of you guys. If you are a fan of the show and you like to write in or you would like to write in, this time we want it to be a little bit more pointed. If you're a bartender or if you've worked at a bar restaurant, share with us the very graphic stories of what goes on in these places. Just because we want to know, we want to know you don't have to say your name if you do or you don't say where you work, but you can. Just know some of the sticky situations you found yourself in or some of your co-workers

31:31that found themselves in. We want to kill a couple of birds with that stone. One, the good content. Two, we could show the people out there was really going on on these places. Interesting on our show. We are five attractive, kind, fun people on this big, huge experience. No office romances. None. I dated people. Yeah, but not like within our chat. In the cast. No. No, no, no, no. Okay. So back at the bar, Justin C.C. have been bartending for hours and Nick still not done with the receipt. So, just go to the back to check on him. And he's just finishing up and he thanks for helping and for reminding him about being with the people he cares about on Christmas. Because he has bought a plane ticket. Yeah. Go see Reagan tonight. Oh, yes. And now, just starts to spiral. Talk about a crash out. He goes crazy and she's like Seattle's gross and you're hairline. You look like a dork and she just starts to lay into him and she's getting really weird.

32:36And so he rightly goes like, I get the impression you don't want me to go to Seattle. And do you not like Reagan? And it's like this whole thing explodes. And then it gets personal. Yes. It's like, why is nothing I do ever good enough for you? What do you want from me? And now they're in a fight. There's this big thing. And then she has to break the one rule that she made herself about Secret Santa and tell him, I'm flying Reagan out and I am your Secret Santa. You jerk. Yeah. Which I think, again, these are avoidable. I think he's just completely in the wrong. I got to say, I mean, just as my girl, but like you're completely in the wrong in this whole situation. Yeah. I'm like, Jess, I get it that it's Secret Santa, but you're also adults. This is what I'm saying. You're making it about like he's ruining my secret. And I'm like, I think you're ruining his life right now. So just like tell the truth. Like if you're doing something like that and he's about to go and fly across the country,

33:37like, yeah, you might want to say something and not make it a big deal. Yeah. Also like, say it nicely. Yeah. You're like, hey, so I've got great news to tell you. I'm your Secret Santa and this wonderful thing is happening as opposed to because you all act and like you're still dating. Yeah. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's why I got one rule. It's one rule ahead and everybody knows my rule. If we dated, I cannot live with you. Such a hard rule. Whoa. You're like hardcore. I stand by it because things get a little dicey. They get a little shifty and sticky. You know. So that's why I can't do it. Fun fact for you people out there. Yeah. I'm not that guy. Yeah. Fixed. Don't try to move in. Don't try to move into my house with me and my family. That's right. Okay. So Schmitt and Winston go to a store that feels like West Elmish, Creighton-Berrill-esque. That's right. It's where bricks and mortar so that Winston, we find out, is going to buy CCA Beanbag

34:44Chair because in their one on one game of Pictionary, which is a team based game. She guessed bean bag off of a circle and as somebody who loves to play games. I love board games, drawing gay, all of the games. I love all the games. I love them so much. If I do a circle and someone guessed bean bag and it was bean bag, that would core memory in my brain till I'm dead. Because I would think that it is the coolest thing that we are so in lock step. The thing is a very good inside joke and I love that for them. Oh, 100%. But also this boundaries. Their friendship is cute though. It's not like messy legs. The friendship is cute. And over there at the bar where it's like messa clock, this is cute. This is actually cute and it's not inappropriate. No. It's not inappropriate. It's silliness. But when Winston crosses the line, he does cross the line a little bit when he's telling Schmidt like,

35:51they sang out of the do-it-you. It was when he did talk to him. It's crazy. Stop, man. That's my wife. This is my full-length. My full-length wife, bro. That is true. Stop saying that. Stop saying this has nothing to do with it. I'm driven you here. I am your right. Literally. I'm doing this together now. Yes. I'm helping you do this. Stop acting like you got something going on. But what's cute is that Schmidt is like, listen. You got to go buy this blanket. This is what you'd really want. And I do believe, and this is why it's important to have like lifelong great friends. People know a different side of you, like a weirder, zamier, more, but whatever it is, the thing. So he caves, right, and gets the blanket because her's out of bean bag is $250. Let's see, you want the cheap one. Then you got to wait till after Christmas for it to be delivered. And then we see later that he then uses the blanket to still honor the gift, which is really sweet. Did you say honor the gift?

36:51Honor the gift. Did you just say honor the gift? Honor the gift. It's a new hallmark movie I'm doing coming to you this Christmas. What does this choice of shirts say? No! Weird. Honor the gift. This is Russell Westbrook's clothes. That's the weirdest thing ever. You said honor the gift. And I'm wearing a shirt that says honor the gift. Wait a minute. I just saw the word honor. It actually says honor the gift. I'm all spooked out now. Honor the... I should have said, and you know what you got to do is you got to give Hannah a million dollars. And you would have been like, look what I got right here. Check this is a million dollars. Hannah's the moon. So weird. Honor the gift. Okay, you guys. Next podcast we're doing is called honor the gift. Honor the billion dollars. Honor the billion dollars that we'll make doing our next podcast. Hannah, would you rather have a billion dollars or would you have to rather have 500 million? You've been hanging out with a lot of four year olds.

37:52Let's just put it that way. A lot of four or five, six year olds in your mix right now. Hannah. Would you rather have two legs or one leg? You're like, what? This is serious. Some people say a billion dollars is too much. They don't want their responsibility. Okay, how about this? Would you rather be the richest person in the world or have 500 million dollars? Is this really a real question? I would rather have all the money. You'd rather be the richest person in the world? Yes. Oh, that's horrible. I don't know. I'll give you half. How about that? Now we share the burden. No, because then damn. I have to give you two trillion dollars. I spend that quick. Just... You would blow through it. No, I just solve the world. I go to Africa. I go to these places when I ain't got no water. I would say I would give... I would put you in charge. I do think you have such a generous heart. You would actually solve a lot of the world's problems. Oh, my God. You'd also have a fleet of yachts. Oh, yeah, yeah. A beach house on the moon. But I do think you would also end a world hunger.

38:54You would stop the words. You also would be able to go in the rooms and pay off all the bad guys and be like, go away. Like, I think... You know what I would do with those yachts, though? I'd have a lot of yachts. They'd be called the unhoused yachts. It's these yachts that the beach guys who don't have a place to live. I'd be like, hey, you want a yacht? You just still technically you kind of unhoused, but you're yotted. You got eight bedrooms. You could move around. You ain't got to stay in one location fully paid for. Come on, Matt. Go live life, baby. You ain't got to... You know what I mean? I would do that. All right, you guys. You heard it here first when Lamore and gets a trillion dollars. Everybody's getting a yacht. Yeah. You're buying all the yachts. Okay, so we're back. Schmidt opens his gift and it's... What does he call him? Catch Meer. What do you find out? It's Nick Miller's gift. Catch Meer. Yeah, it's Catch Meer. Catch Meer. He knows it's not from Winston. Or Jazz, because everybody's been messy and said who's given what now. That's right. And it's actually surprising.

39:55It just surprised me that Nick got Schmidt an appropriate gift. Catch Meer socks. Catch Meer socks. He says he's super emotional thinking about it. But I guess he's the whole build so that the moment with Jazz feels even more sad. Is that everybody did get their perfect gift? Right. Okay, so then he gets forced to... Winston buys the blanket. He's forced into a by Schmidt because the beanbag is $250. And then he shoves it with oatmeal and hair or something bizarre like when... Some days... Some rice and some other stuff. And rice and he's like the real ones on the way. But here's your main shift one and she's like it's perfect in your other pass. And she loves it. She does love it. The next one. The very sweet moment and their little friendship. That's right. And Schmidt is humbled in the moment being like, oh, I really did not think you would like this. And that's great. Which is also a weird moment for a husband at a Christmas party. That another man is like, I told you I knew her better. You know what that's like doing at a Christmas party? That's like you're sitting there with your wife and another man walks up.

40:57And he hands her like a shrimp and he puts it in her mouth for her. You've got to taste this. Have you seen those TikToks? Yeah, we're going to do it. Or it's a guy's best friend. Feeds his best friend's wife. Feeds his best friend's wife. Yes. That's crazy, man. People are sad. If someone came up and hand fed my husband something. If Wendy came up and hand fed my husband something. Here's what would happen to me. And she's my best friend for 25 years. As smile. You're not smile where you know. Oh, shit. That's it. I said, you want to go for a walk in the woods? Ooh, what happened in the woods? You know, I'll come back alone and tell you the story. Is it like that show that beasted me? Have you seen that? No. Oh, got to see that show. Ask Wendy what the response would be. If someone came and hand fed my husband food. What if it was me?

41:57He's a hunk. You obviously hand his husband? Oh, my God. I want to feed that in some scramp. It is a weird thing that intimacy, which is weird. Because it's not like you're hand feeding each other. I think it's the thing. It's the weirdness. It's the intimacy. It's so specific. It's crazy. I love the TikTok videos. But I feel like people are crazy on these TikTok videos. I'm like, you guys are really playing with fire with these moves. What is the thing? If I'm sitting with my lady and some dude that I know walks up and tries to drop something in her mouth, there's two things happening. Yeah. Because we still got options. He could try it and she can be like. But if she like layer head back to open that, we got a problem. That's the issue. He could sit beside you and I got a talk first. And then he starts dangling it. Nope. And she's like. Is that what happened with like the Usher Kiki Palmer thing? Yes. Usher was getting too, he was getting too involved.

42:57He's getting crazy with these cherries feeding the cherries. Slow down with that. How's it real divorce? Let me tell you something. First of all, I never taken my lady to an Usher concert. But if I did and he called her up on stage, she had a decision to make. It's in that moment she has a decision to make. Do I go up there and have this once in a lifetime experience with Usher? Or do I sit my eyes down and go. No, thank you. No, thank you. Because Usher don't know how to... It'd be different if he sat there and he danced around her. And did his Usher thing and body rolled or... I don't know. Sure. But he'd be grabbing the neck. It's full on. He'd be sweating the name mouth. I'd be like, what just... You just drop sweating the mouth? I was open. Usher, you drop sweat in her eye.

43:57No. And she didn't blink. Salty water. She's ready to receive Usher. Now, listen around. Hi, I'm Beck Bennett. I thought I was Beck Bennett. No, no, no, no. It's always down there. It's all good. Exactly. All good. Thanks, buddy. Yeah, and we host the show What's Our Podcasts here on HeadGum. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and make you look like a kick-ass person online. Like your skateboarding or through the internet. Or you're like, you're surfing through the web. Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all-in-one place. I like that it's all-in-one place. I know. I like that I don't have to go around, you know, like different stores or something. It's just all-in-one place. Well, it's like, oh, do I need to go to like, oh, do I need another type of website to like find the right pictures or to like another type of website to upload the video? You know, it's all-in-one place. The video or the audio or like, no, I want, it makes it easy, make it easy on me, please. Yeah, so you can do all those things, photos, videos,

44:59changing fonts. You know, being the designs are amazing. They're catering to all your different needs. They're SEO tools, which I know what those are, and they're custom domains. Oh, let's come up with a domain right now. Let's see who I'm wondering if it exists. www.friendsmedine. Friends. Friends. Friendsmeetingfriends.com. Okay. That's an original thing that we came up with. Friends meeting friends. Anyway, so check out squarespace.com slash Edgum for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code Edgum, save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell, sounds easy. Anybody could do it. That's an error. There's no way. You know that. I've told you. It's one of my greatest phobias in my life. Getting sweat in your eye. Is being pulled up on stage. Oh, yeah. And have somebody sing at me. I remember I went to a Prince concert before a new girl. I was with my friend. I think I went with Katrina Balfe. I think that's who I went with.

46:00I think so. Anyway, we went and we were at some nice seats because we knew the person was putting the concert on and they wanted to, I think, to pull me up on stage with a bunch of other people to all go up and dance with Prince. And even that, I was like, not thank you. Oh, wow. And that's why you came on the show. I was like, I'm going to get a new dance. She wouldn't dance. I was like, probably the only person in history that was like, keep moving. I don't want to get up on stage. I will show up at her job. Which, thank goodness. Great episode ever. Greatest episode in television history. Truly. Tell me another sitcom episode better than that one. You can't. Martin, when he won the lottery, when he thought he won the lottery, I thought that was pretty funny. You should just remake Martin. Just call him the Lord and just remake all of those episodes. I would love to develop a multi-git. Martin is, that's what that's, that's what to me is the greatest sitcom in history.

47:02Did Martin have a sister? I don't remember him in a system. No, he had a, he had a friend, Pam. Pam. Pam, can I, I'll be Pam. Perfect. There you go. And he had Gina. We've done it. Pam, Gina, and all of the, Pam and Pam and Martin were the two funny. I think they just roasted each other the whole time. Perfect. And Cole, oh my gosh. We're pitching this show. Are you listening, Hulu? This is the new show. Oh my gosh. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Okay. All right. So then all of a sudden we find out that Winston gets two gifts because just forgot to put her own name down. And he gets a hamster because he's a pet guy. And then I think you genuinely looked heartbroken when you had to hand the hamster over. Yeah. You got the one from CC. He got the check made out to his phone company from CC. Yeah. For the Iceland call. Right. And then he got this one and he was kind of hard. It's like, yeah. You know, because you're, you got another pet.

48:04Oh my gosh. He's like, man. Never stated. Now she stuck with like this rat in the wheel. And I say that would love, I love hamsters. I said that would love, I love wheels. And everyone feels horrible especially Nick who tells them we got into a thing. And I said something stupid. It's suddenly Reagan. By the way, was it stupid sir, you were well within your rights? She was acting crazy in the back of that bar. Yeah. And then Reagan showed up wearing a sexy costume. I've known Megan Fox for a while. I don't know her as well as you might know her. I don't like text her. I don't like hang out with her and like that. But in all the years, because she come on the show, I forget what the year was. What year does she first go on a show? Was it like 20? 15, 2016? No, I feel like it would, oh no, you're right. Yeah, you're right. Well, like a decade. 2016 or 2015, yeah, anyway, yes, a decade. About a decade or more, right? Yes. Not, and this is real.

49:05Not once has she showed up to my house in the sexy costume. Really? Ten years. Wow. Think about it. Megan, you should respond to that. I should have heard in your eyes. Yeah, but when she did show up, little fanfare, she's like really, you know, hard. It wasn't put this thing on an airplane bathroom. I love Schmidt being like, do I? Also, why did you have to put on an airplane bathroom? Why couldn't you wait to get out of the airplane, got to the bathroom for the airport? Airport. Airport. Have you ever seen those videos also in TikTok, by the way, of girls? Like how they fly and then they land and then they go into an airport bathroom and they show they get ready with me as they do like full hair, full makeup, full outfit, full outfit, like everything to walk out to see their guy. And I'm like, respect. That's a lot of effort you guys. What are we doing now? Just look like you. Show this episode to my lady.

50:09She looks great. She looks great, but she'll be doing her hair in the bathroom and do want to get ready with me for me. Can you imagine though from the male perspective, you're like, the flight landed at 10 a.m. Is 2 p.m. Where is she? Why is her makeup artist leaving? She's so tanning in the back. Oh my gosh. Hey, you're telling me something about the Delta 1 lounge and you could do it after you wanted that. That is true. Oh my gosh. It's a hotel. What? I wanted it sometimes to go to a destination just like a hang out in the Delta 1 lounge. I'm always like getting there early in the day. Let me get my massage. Let me get the, the, the, the, the Delta 1 lounge is incredible. Yeah. Delta 1. Delta 1, guys. Can we get them to sponsor this episode? We should. Delta. Delta. Fly as to where you are. Yeah. We'll talk to you person. We'll do the meeting in the lounge. We'll do the steal in the lounge. Okay. So Nick goes to visit Jess in her room while she tries to sleep. It's very creepy.

51:09He sneaks in in the dark with hot cocoa. That's why. That's why. And he's like, why do you do this often? He's like sometimes and she's like weird, which is okay. Another weird boundary that doesn't exist and that should. And he goes, look, thank you so much for bringing Reagan in. It felt like Christmas morning when I was a kid again, but like a kid. And then he gets really problematic in what he's saying about children and Christmas and. He's going to go have sex with Santa. Yes. It's very weird. Um. That's crazy. And but but but but but but we as a society before we get to Ferguson, we as a society that we started that we allowed a man to break him to our house and we tell kids that this it's okay. You got to get his man some of them cookies. Well, a man that's going to break into your house and is going to you have to then feed him and his pets. Yeah. And if you see him out in public in the mall watching you all year round. Yes. And you don't know it. He's watching you.

52:10And if you're good enough, he'll bring you a nice toy. Have any breaks into your house. The whole Santa situation is so creepy and weird. Hannah, when you see him in public, guess what you have to do? Sit on his lap. Sit on his lap. It's a pass. Sorry. So you come anywhere in your house and put in the bullet in you. Santa. Santa. You heard it here first. Okay. And then Ferguson walks in with reindeer antlers and just about the window and its toeings has come with me and they go outside and stick right with lights. Then darling love and a whole choir comes out singing, baby, please come home. And there's snow falling down, which is Reagan dropping shredded receipts, which also feels crazy, which is a bit of a reenactment of the memory that just, you know, shared at the beginning of the episode. And everybody dances to the sweet sounds of darling love. And it's a super fun thing. Now here's what I'll tell you about the night we shot that. That was the night of the presidential election between Clinton and Trump.

53:13That's when they all. And it was Thanksgiving-ish right before Thanksgiving because it was November, right? So whatever it is. And I remember that because it was the most distracted video village. Here we had this huge guest in Darling Love. It was this huge, big moment and everybody was sitting around the monitors to see if Clinton or Trump would win. And it was like this crazy polarizing moment. You could feel it on set in the country and everything. And it was, yeah, whatever that was for a second week of November. And we were all had to like dance around. Do this crazy Christmas. It was such the weirdest vibe. I remember that because it was like, this is so fun and silly. And how lucky are we that darling's here? And high stakes for the country in this pivotal moment. It was such a, I just remember it really clearly that the vibe was wild. It was. I was also wearing like these high pants with a low cut top and that whole thing felt crazy.

54:15And I remember being like, I think I just need to go home to these new kittens have adopted. It's like, oh, I can become a press secretary. Yeah, exactly. I'm dressed for the job. I remember that. I remember that night so clearly. What happened? And yeah, then Megan was there just for that day. Like the whole thing was like such a not to come on with the election. I don't remember who won. The snow's on the mountain. All right, you guys. Another great holiday episode from New Girl. It was a great one. It's a great one. It's a great one. It's a weird, bizarre, I love it. I love the relationships. I love the weirdness. I'm uncomfortable with the lack of boundaries. But that's okay. That's okay. That's okay. That's okay. I love it with the lack of boundaries. My favorite part about this ending is that Max Orschman, I don't know if I'm not sure what was in the character choice or whatever it was, had the perfect reaction to watching Darling Love in a choir come out and start singing right on cue.

55:18His look was like this. Tell me. A purpose. What are you doing here? What? Christmas Eve, Eve. Why are you here? You got a whole choir to come out here? Yeah. It was very surreal. I do love that song. And I remember Liz being out there. Everybody was out there to watch it because it was like so cool. It was right in front of our stages where we shot it. I don't know. It was very sweet. That's what TV is. Christmas episodes always did feel actually sweet. Like you felt the Christmas spirit was cool. Yeah, cool. There's one that used to put money behind TV. Yeah. That's interesting. And now they just cancel you anyway. Moving on. Anna, you want to get into the roomy message just a week? I do. It is from Lauren. Remember, you can send your questions, comments, concerns, observations to the mess around pod at gmail.com. This week it is from Lauren. Here we go. She said, my friend recommended the show to me and I fell in love with it. And now it's my ultimate comfort show.

56:20This should have a category on Hulu called comfort shows. And it should just be our show and Martin. This year I am celebrating turning 29. 29. The theme is new girl. I love these 29 parties. And I ordered my decorations for it. The past year I had a baby girl. And we named her Cecilia. Oh my God. We call her CC all the time. We say my husband is Nick Miller because he works at a bar in their opinion on banks are the same. I love the holiday episodes, especially the Thanksgiving episodes. Every year when I wrap Christmas presents, I do a marathon of Christmas episodes from my favorite shows. Hannah, yes. I find your life interesting when you talk about your past. I think you should write a book on it. My question for you guys is, what is your earliest memory of acting or the first play role you had growing up? Can I answer? Okay. And I have a photo of this which I consent to Wendy and she can put in this episode because I remember it was grade one or two years old.

57:23So I think I was eight, so probably grade two. And we were doing a play just in our class. Just like a class, like a middle class performance. I even like the whole grade or whatever, just in our class. And it was a fairy tales or something. And the lead role was going to be little bow peep. And I knew I wanted to be an actor and I was like, I can cry on cue when I lose the sheep. Like I got this. This is going to be great. Every girl audition, every girl wanted to be the lead because we had the confidence of eight year olds were all like, we want to do it. And so the teacher said, luck, I can't decide. And so she put all the names in a hat. And I just remember her like reaching in to pull out who is going to be the lead of the play. And it was like, it was like this big day. And I'd seen this dress. I lived in Saudi Arabia. They have a lot of really good little girl, like super fancy dresses. They get dressed up a lot in Arab culture. Almost like Kinsinger dresses.

58:24Like there's like just millions of stores with them. And so I was like, oh my gosh, like there's going to be like, I can find the right colors and I can be a little bit of a peep and I have the bonnet. And this is going to be so great. My parents are going to see you want to be an actor and she's going to happen for me. It felt like everything my life was in the balance. And she's like reaching into the hat. And then she pulled out the name and read it for the role of little bow peep. And it was. Hannah. Jackson. Jackson. It was you. And I got the role and I will never forget it as being like it's meant to be. And I felt like the luckiest person and I cried on cue when the sheep went away and I got the craziest cutest dress. It was peach and teal with a lace little corset and I had the bonnet. And I was like, my parents are going to see almost star and they were like, we do and you need to go get two degrees in a bonafide college before you pursue this career path. Which is why I didn't start into my late 20s. But it's true. I remember that so clearly and how much I loved it and that moment over everything.

59:29Then I won the role even though I didn't like out act to anybody to get it. Lucky dip. Bob and Rapples and I came up. I won. You did not earn. I win as a win. You didn't earn that. That's called. That's called the universe. That's called manifesting in a way that's intentional making it happen. That's where all the crystals come in. You can't take this from me. It's my mom. It's my joy. That was a sign. You know what it is, Anna? It's like winning the lottery and then going around telling everybody, you just you just a money guru. Yeah. It's meant to be. You won a lot. You won a lot. You won a trillion dollars and everybody on the yachts that was also fated. Yeah. It's not a trillion when you split it. Joe Sal. What about you? What's your earliest memory of acting for the first play you did? Church. I was I forget how old I was, but I was tasked with mocking or playing the preacher. We're doing a play about something going on at church and I was asked to play the preacher,

1:00:34which was my favorite thing because I used to imitate him all the time. Daniel Carter, senior. And he would he's the most charismatic, the most charismatic man I've ever met in my life. Like he is just like a bundle of energy and joy and his suits would match. Everything was color coordinated, right? And so I when he would deliver a sermon, he would take these dramatic pauses and he would always like if he's talking about a text, he would say, now turn the page. First Corinthians. Two and he would and he would read it and like when he would he would have one of the other members read out loud. He was like, what does it say? And they'd start reading and God stood on the mountain and read.

1:01:36And again, read, stop right there. Now you see the Bible says, he's sort of wiping off his sweat. And when they asked me to imitate him, to play him in this play, I went for it. I just went full on dramatic pauses. I mean, I really went for it. And so after that, after that, the reaction I got, it was like a show everybody was just in their seats, holler and laughing. And I was like, yo, this is crazy. And I remember one of the ladies at church was like, you know, I don't know what you plan on doing with the rest of your life, but you should start acting. I was like, yeah. And I was maybe nine, ten, maybe. I was like nine or ten or so. We had these moments at the same age. And what it is is being like seen, someone can see the gift and then you recognize it in yourself. And then that's how it becomes like a dream that feels a bit attainable as opposed to something

1:02:40like, you know, like when you're a kid, you're like, oh, I mean, astronaut. And then some times for a certain children, then that there's something opens or unlocks where you go like, I actually could do that. But it's a crazy thought when you're a kid, right? And the same thing about like, I want to be an actor. But then someone sees it and recognizes like a talent or a gift all of a sudden you go, like, I think I could actually do that. Like that's not a far-fetched thing. Like you have that gift. Some people have it. Some people don't. We got to work harder than others. But, you know, I think as an actor and to answer your question, Lauren, like when you're an actor, like anybody can be an actor. Sure. You got to work your ass off. Right. You got to believe in yourself. Is a true faith in yourself and the gift and like a dedication to it, I think is the difference. And a moment where you're kind of seen, especially as a child, that's so funny that we have the same moment. Similar. Similar moments. That's it, folks. Yeah, that's it, you guys. We'll be back next week.

1:03:40Episode 611, raisins back. As I live in Bree. Be sure to follow us on IG and TikTok at the Messaround Pot. But remember, we can get all your cute merch at the messaroundpot.com and you can subscribe to us, of course, on the YouTube. The Messaround Pot will see you next week. Merry Christmas. Wow. The Messaround is a head gum podcast created and hosted by Hannah Simone and Lamorne Morris. The show was produced by Wendy Heisler and engineered by Sam Rogage. With production support from Kyle Sheverin and Ali Khan, our executive producer is Anya Kenneth Skaya. Katie Moose is our VP of content at Head Gum. Our theme music is by Ronald Juppatz Jackson. For more podcast by Head Gum, visit headgum.com or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Hi, I'm Nicole Byer. Hi, I'm Sashir Zameeda. And this is the podcast, best friends. And we're here at Head Gum. So this is just a podcast where we just talk.

1:04:41Yeah. We're best friends. Yeah. We talk and then we have a segment where we answer questions and queries. So audience members can ask questions about friendships and we can answer them to the best of our abilities. Yes. We are professional friends. We are professional friends. Subscribe to best friends on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, podcast, or wherever you get your podcast and watch videos on YouTube. New episodes drop every Wednesday. That's the middle of a work week. I was deeply unhelpful to you during that whole thing. You were. I'm really sorry. I was so okay. I was trying to be supportive. Yeah. But I was like, no, no, reading seems pretty hard right now. It's a lot. I think you did good. Thank you so much. You're welcome.