6 Years 329 days - Bank

0:00All right, you are back with comedian Boyle and I'm quitting alcohol. So the Boyle has a bank account now, debit card, bank account, trading account as well. It's time to make some fucking moves. I tell you what, the cunts in the bank are the most fucking brainwashed cunts I've ever seen in my entire life. It's like a cult of consumerism. Well, that's what the credit score is. It's like be a good consumer and we'll let you borrow some money. We'll let you put yourself in chains that will never be removed. Okay, as long as you spend and consume, but how am I going to pay it back?

1:02I don't actually have the money to pay it back. That's our little secret. You never pay it back. They're coming out with 50 year loans as well, home loans, 50 years. So if you can scrounge together some Dunkin' Donuts money or Taco Bell money by the time you're 20, a nice fucking deposit for a house by the time you're 20, by the time you're 70, that's if you don't refinance. That's if you extended in any way, shape or form, like if you get your kitchen remodeled or a new toilet put in, there's an extra 10, 15 years onto the fucking loan. But if you can scrape together in this new economy where AI is taking all the jobs and robots, if you can scrape together by the time you're 20, a 20% fucking down payment on

2:06a fucking place, maybe you can fucking get the FHA loan or whatever the fuck it is. But let's say 20%, then you sir or ma'am, by the time you are 70, a sprightly 70, you will own that house outright. You know, what an investment. On the same day you get diagnosed with colon cancer, we hand over the title to you. What a life. What a fucking journey. What a journey it's been with this 50 year fucking home loan. If anyone gets one of them, you're fucking retarded. You're retarded. A 50 year fucking home loan, 30 years is fucking crazy as well. The average age of a new home owner now or a buyer is like 38 or 42 or something.

3:08It was around my whoo page and my. It was around my whoo page and my real age. Maybe you can just split the difference, I don't know. But the fucking, let's say it's 40, let's say it's 40, you can split the difference. Let's say it's 40, let's say it's 40, okay? So you've finally got settled in your career, unlike me, you've finally got a bit of money together, unlike me. And now it's time to fucking buy your first house at 40 and you've got a 30 year loan. So you're going to be 70. You're also going to get the title when you get colon cancer, even with a 30 year loan. Or alternatively, you can bet on yourself, bet big and take out a 50 year loan and hope you don't die early and leave your kids saddled with the debt and forced to sell the house

4:12regardless. It's so fucking crazy, 50 year loans. Your pain like four or five times the principal in interest if you do that. That's fucking wild. And it only brings your monthly payments down a little bit. The problem at the moment is, well, that was the problem with the 15 year loans as well. Property prices got so expensive that people couldn't afford the monthly repayment. So they started making fucking 30 year loans to bring the fucking monthly payments down because the loans spread over a long period. And then property prices boomed for the next fucking. However many years it hasn't stopped with a lot of other fucking economic engineering. They continued to boom until 2008. Well, until now they're going down now every single house around my area price cut.

5:19No one's talking about it except let boy out and melody right go listen to what was I saying? Yeah, that's when they came up with the 30 year loan. It was always 15 years. So the monthly repayment came down and now people can't pay the fucking monthly repayment on a 30 year loan. So now they're thinking 50 and it brings it down like $400 a month or something like that. $500 a month. But then you end up paying triple in interest over the term of the loan and you're dead. Before you've paid off the loan, you're dead. Imagine that imagine you buy a place with a 50 year fucking loan property prices tank. You sell the place for like 200,000 less than you bought it. And now you've got 50 years to pay off the 200,000. You can pay it off faster but let's say it takes you 50 years.

6:19And by the end of that 50 years even though you're dead, you'll have paid like $1.2 million. So the bank was a hell of an experience down there. I got a real nice guy. He was a great guy. But he was like our CEO. He was in love with his CEO and I'm like, are you talking about Jamie Diamond? He's like, yeah, we love him around here. And I'm like, you guys are fucking caught. That can't, that criminal. That guy behind the fucking Epstein files. Yeah, he's great. But I got it all fucking sorted. I got it fucking rubber stamped. Now I am almost a functional fucking citizen. I just need to get some income. The next door neighbor offered me a fucking job the other day. Well, he offered to speak to his mate about some landscaping. I'm like, how much is it pay? He's like, he actually pays really high.

7:19And he's like, do you want me to talk to him for you? I can get you a job. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was going over, yeah. He's like, yeah, well, whatever you want. But I can, I can speak to him. He pays great. He's great, dude. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I can't, what is, what's his number? Oh, fuck, it would be the easy path. I could just go straight to landscaping, get some money and build up the account, fucking buy a house and fucking Boston, contribute to the fucking economy. But no, I'm going to add value in my own way now, comedy. Anyway, fucking, that'll do it for today. And I'll say the fuck, Lara.