6 Years 322 days - Back to IT

0:00Alright, you are back with Kimmy in the boil, and I'm quitting alcohol. So I was back on the tools last night, first night back on the fucking mic, and it went pretty good. I did 25,000 steps yesterday, going over the material, coming up with new shit, trying to fucking work out the structure in my head, just walked, and walked, and walked, it was fucking chaos. So it went there, and it's actually a pretty nice gig. I ended up being like 20 people in there, it's like a loose gig, but it's still more or less closed off people are there for the show, and I was pretty fucking nervous.

1:05I'll be honest with you, I was pretty fucking nervous before I went on stage. I didn't know how any of it was going to come out because I was doing 10 minutes, and the first five, well the first fucking six was just brand new material, straight brand new, never done it before, never set it out loud, aside from the time I spent walking yesterday talking it out loud like a fucking psychopath, and whenever you're entering a gig like that, it's nerve-wracking because you just don't know. The things that you think are funny in your head, they could just be fucking, they could just be mental, you don't know until you test it out. So I was very nervous before it, but once I got on stage, once I set a couple of words, I saw it calm down, and you could see it on my whoop, it was my most stressed day yesterday

2:08since I've had whoop, it was just constant stress. Some lunch time until the gig, whoops like you're fucking way over your daily average stress, I'm like a fucking no, I know, but you can see, you can see on my whoop, the fucking stress spiked, a massive spike, and then it went down, as soon as I started talking, it went down, it went down to like a very relaxed, stress-free chill vibe. It's just that massive spike before you go on stage. So once I started speaking, it was good, I did a bunch of Boston material that I'd been fucking saving up, that all seemed to work, then I went from Boston to just America in general, and that all seemed to work a little bit, and then I did a little bit, I did a little bit of crowd work here and there, and then I did a little bit of fucking old Australian

3:14material to see if it worked, and it seemed to do good, all of it seemed to do good. It was good to be back on stage, I actually got off stage, I'm like I'm going to make that so much fucking better. It was the first time I've ever got off stage and thought I'm going to make that fucking better. It's my new attitude, usually I walk off stage, I'm like fuck up, I am goddamn amazing. What's the point of writing when you can just do nothing and still pass? But I honestly got off stage and I'm like alright, there's some bones there, I'm going to make this fucking unreal, so I'm going to fucking start kicking and trying to go to one tomorrow night, I fucking couldn't get to sleep last night, it's a big spike of adrenaline and cortisol just before you get on stage, and then it just runs, it runs for hours,

4:15I couldn't fall asleep till I 145, I was in bed just rolling around, I fucking took two tablets of magnesium and alphanet and that didn't do fucking anything and then I took a gummy and then that didn't do anything and I was just fucking rolling around, I'm not used to the adrenaline, so I'm going to have to fucking sort that out, that's a concern. You can't just be rolling around in bed all night after a gig, especially if you're going to be doing like fucking 5, 6, 7 nights a week, you've got to fucking sleep and I have a wake up time, I can't sleep in, so if I fucking don't fall asleep by a certain time, I'm fucking cooked and then what happens, my e gets out of control, my t while my t is strong, so honestly I think I've regained my passion for the art form now, once you stop

5:24caring about the external stuff and only care about the things you can control, it makes everything much more simple, if your goal is to provide value, that's a nourishing goal, if your goal is like I want money and fame, that's like there's something caustic about that, is that even a word? Something hollow, there's something hollow in that, that over time will not fill you, but if you're there to give value to people, provide value, that's nice, that's constructive and the only thing you can really control as a performer is the work you put into your craft and if you just focus on that and your goal is to do it, then whatever happens happens, it doesn't really matter, it actually doesn't matter at all, it doesn't fucking even matter

6:26in the slightest, you just do it and that's it, anyway, I'm signing up for fucking improv classes as well, because unlike I'm going to put myself in uncomfortable positions, that's what I want to do in comedy now, I want to become more and more uncomfortable, because I feel like I've sheltered myself from uncomfortableness a little bit and now I'm just going to throw myself at things that terrify me and improvisation classes, improv fucking terrifies me, so I'm signing up for a fucking semester course in that and I'll begin doing that and that makes me more nervous than fucking anything, but I think it'll help comedy, I just want to become more free on stage as well, I'm pretty chill up there but I'm not like free, so that's what I want to do, anyway, fucking tomorrow I'll be filming the fucking

7:32Patreon writing session, if you're on the Patreon look out for it, you'll get an email or some shit, if you're not on the Patreon, it's time to join again, anyway, that'll do for today and I'll see you the photo, adah!