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Have you ever tried to make something work so badly… only for it to fall apart anyway?
In this episode, Tyra talks about the uncomfortable but necessary truth: sometimes the reason it didn’t work out is because God wouldn’t let you settle.
Whether it’s relationships that almost made it, opportunities that looked good on paper, friendships that slowly faded, or spaces that felt “good enough” but not aligned — this conversation is about divine disruption. The closed doors. The redirection. The feeling of “why is this so hard?” When you’re just trying to make something stick.
This week’s Affirmation is: “God, raise my standards to match Your promises.”
Tyra unpacks:
If you’ve been frustrated because nothing mediocre seems to last in your life… maybe that’s the point.
This episode is your reminder that not everything that leaves is a loss. Sometimes it’s protection. Sometimes it’s preparation. And sometimes… it’s proof that you’re called to more.
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One of the hardest things that I have been trying to get into my very thick skull is that
God will not allow me to settle and He won't allow me to settle because He loves me and
because He has great things in store for my life.
From after time I have personally tried to take control of the situation and over and
over again.
He be telling me to take several seats and as frustrating as it has been lately, I think
I finally get the idea.
What is going on, beautiful people?
You are listening to the affirmations for Black Girls Podcasts where we focus on personal
growth and cultivating a healthy relationship with ourselves.
I am your host, tire of their creative, actress, content creator and mental health enthusiast
and brand new dog mom, hello, hey, how y'all doing?
If you did not listen to last week's episode, I'm going to say this once again, I'll probably
say this for the next couple of episodes as people trickle back in because I took a long
hiatus at the top of the year.
But the format of the show is going to change just a little bit for the time being as
I am in a transition period.
If you want the nitty gritty on why go back and listen to episode 501, it'll tell you
a lot more.
But basically, I am in a transition period.
I'm also in a new decade of life and I started this podcast in my late 20s and I am trying
to find the next look, the next format, the next thing that feels right for the podcast
as far as the packaging of the content goes.
I will not change, our affirmations will not change for the most part because this is
the affirmations for black rose podcast, of course, but I'm really trying to figure out
what makes me happy as far as the packaging of it all goes.
So we'll still be having our Monday episodes and some pep talk Wednesdays, maybe they
may be here or there, you know, but the biggest thing is I am leaning away from the more
narrative scripted, polished content just for a while.
I just want to be able to talk to you guys directly from the heart and we'll see how it
goes.
Anyways, God will not allow me to settle.
He also want to allow you to settle and I came, this thought came into my mind in January
and I'll definitely get into when this came, but before we do, last week I gave you guys
a sentiment that you basically, basically a little prayer, right?
And this week I also have another one for you based on what we're talking about today.
So this week, instead of an affirmation, this is in place for affirmation, I have this
little micro prayer or this, I don't even know what to call it.
It's a sentence.
It's just one sentence, but it's speaking directly to God and it's so prevalent in my life
right now, especially with what we're talking about today.
And it is God raised my standards to match your promises.
God raised my standards to match your promises.
I really think this is actually still an affirmation, this is still an affirmation, let's just
let's dive in, let's say it a few more times together and write this down and have this
in your bag pocket to just say to God, when you don't know what else to say, God raised
my standards to match your promises, God raised my standards to match your promises.
What are the promises that God has over your life?
What has he promised you?
God raised my standards to match your promises, let's say at one last time together, God raised
my standards to match your promises.
I actually really enjoy this affirmation, I don't know why in my head, I didn't consider
it an affirmation, no mind, none of that I said beforehand, but I love this affirmation
because honestly his promise is at the top of my priorities for my life.
I want the promises that God has for me, I want my plan A, I've talked about this in
the past, like God I want my plan A, I want my plan A, and I'm finding that I personally
need to raise my standards to match those promises that he has for me, even if I don't
know what the journey to get to those promises looks like, and that's why I say God just
raised my standards, I don't have to know the nitty gritty, but as long as my standards
are raised that means my body will not allow me to accept anything below that.
So I'm gonna go ahead and keep it a beam with y'all.
The reason I say God will not allow me to settle is because I have tried to settle.
Okay, let me back it up and I'm really gonna take y'all through it with me.
Because in this new format, I'm just, I'm laying it all out there because I know I'm not
the only one.
So remember last year when I was telling y'all about this guy that I really liked, that
lived, that didn't live in California, it would be a long, this is thing, all of this stuff
that I told you guys at the end of last year, long story short, we do not talk anymore.
And basically, it was an abrupt thing and I don't even really know what happened.
He basically ghosted me and that hurt because we've known each other for a long time, you
know, went our separate ways, whatever went off to college, all of those things and then
reconnected.
So this is someone that I have not romantic history with, but this is someone who has
who I've known, we grew up together, you know, so being ghosted by someone that you have
so much history with, even in a platonic way, it hurts and it's frustrating.
So long story short, okay, so boom, this will happen.
Back when I was still at home for the holidays, I didn't extend this day as you guys know.
So my brother is getting married this month, he's getting married, oh my gosh, in a
couple of weeks.
And in January, I stayed home a little while longer to go to his fiancee's bachelor
rep party.
It was a surprise bachelor rep party, so I stayed in town for a little while longer.
So mind you, the whole time I'm home, I'm still talking to him, but the communication
is getting spotty and all of this stuff and I've already said, hey, listen, if you don't
want to do this, this is totally fine.
Let's just nip it in the butt here and because for me, I would rather maintain the relationship
that we have, which isn't much of a relationship, but you know, I don't want to be upset and all,
you know, all of the extra stuff that don't need to be there if you ain't interested
in this for real, right?
And he ended up saying that he was interested, this was actually before the holiday.
So in my head, I'm like, okay, he's interested.
We talked all the way through September, October, November, up until Thanksgiving, that's
when stuff started to get a little, a little rocky, right?
And I just constantly say, like, hey, we don't have to do this.
And that was my first mistake, right there, because I felt something in my spirit.
And instead of me cutting it off and preserving myself, I just kept trying to make sense
of what was going on, giving grace on top of grace on top of grace, where I should
have been giving grace to myself, and I should have been taking care of Tyra.
But anyways, fast forward to the best rare party.
We had plans to see each other on my way back from New Orleans.
He was actually going to go with me to pick up Okra because Okra was in Mississippi.
So we were going to ride together in Mississippi and that was like a, that was going to be like
a six hour travel day.
So I talked to him Friday while I was on my way to New Orleans.
We texted very briefly on Saturday, and then Sunday, I'm calling him, he didn't answer
to, or I called him once, he didn't answer the phone.
So I texted him, I was like, hey, I'm going to be a child in 40 minutes.
And he was like, what did he say?
He said, I can't, I got stuck at work, y'all, I started bawling my eyes out.
And I started bawling my eyes out, not because he just couldn't come, but because I knew
that this was going to happen.
The whole time I was home, well, before I got home, he said he would take me on a date.
We ended up not going on a date, and that kind of hurt a little bit.
And also, the communication just continued to dwindle.
But I think I had my mind made up about the fact that, you know, he's very attractive,
he's from home, I've known him my whole life, I haven't known him intimately, you know,
but I've known this person, he's from where I'm from.
And something that I try to explain to a lot of people from home is that I miss that,
I miss that feeling of familiarity, I miss that feeling of knowing someone from childhood
because of the industry that I am in, I'm in an industry where people be using each
other, people are not being authentic, people are not, people are doing things for the
wrong reason.
So it just felt very nice to kind of feel, you know, you can still deal with that type
of stuff for people from your past, whatever, but it felt nice to feel secure in that way
that this person wasn't using me to gain fame or, you know, be friends with the famous
people around friends, you know, all of that type of stuff.
So it felt very nice.
And I have always wanted to be with someone from the South, I until this whole thing blew
up in my face, I was like, I really would love to marry somebody from Louisiana, it just
makes it easier when you get married, when you get holidays, when you have kids, each
other's family, all of that stuff sounded very, very nice and I sold myself a dream.
And I say, God, want to allow me to settle because that's exactly what I was going to do.
And I'm not saying he was a great guy or he is a great guy, I think he's very dope, but
I think the settling part comes in because one, he wants to stay in Louisiana, he doesn't
want to leave Louisiana, he actually wants to live in our hometown that neither one of
us living now.
My mom moved out of our hometown, population 1200 people in St. Francisville, he wants to
live there.
And all this stuff and I'm like, you know what, that's cool.
I will do that.
I will be barefoot and pregnant, put me on a lot of land.
I will be a tradwife, all of those things and I will be giving up what I have dreamed
about for so long and in my head, I made myself okay with that.
So I've been paying a lot closer attention to my body lately, not in a super dramatic
way, but just listening a little more closely.
And recently I did a blood panel and I got my results back, y'all.
One of the recommendations that, well, first, a lot of stuff was very, very good.
We're in the green, but there was one recommendation that came up for me and it was iron supplementation
along with a few other nutrients.
And it was a reminder that sometimes what feels like stress or exhaustion actually deserves
a little bit of a closer look because low iron doesn't always announce itself loudly.
It can show up as fatigue that doesn't improve with wrist, brain fog, headaches and even
brittle nails, things that are easy to normalize and move past.
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Okay, I know y'all know this, but I'm going to say it anyway.
Y'all know how I like to keep my hands busy.
So I have been in full spring refresh mode in my apartment, and my kitchen was the top
of the list.
Now, like I said, I'm in an apartment, so I can't knock down any walls or, you know,
do anything permanent with my space, but I can make it feel more like me.
And that's been a goal since day one.
So if you know me, you know that my vibe is warm, inviting, slightly modern, and a
little eclectic, and then a sprinkle of form house chic.
And one thing about the kitchen, the backsplash, y'all the backsplash in my kitchen is not
doing it for me anymore.
So I went on way fair, and I found the cutest pill and stick tiles that will completely
change the space and add so much color.
Now the tiles just came in, but I'm so excited to do this project this weekend.
And of course, I will share a personal Instagram, and I actually think I'm going to vlog
it.
But anyways, what I love about way fair is how easy it is to narrow down exactly what works
for your style and your budget, because black backsplash tiles, they got pretty pricey.
But I use the filters to sort by color, by price, and by material.
And I ended up going with a cream and terracotta.
And these days for me, y'all, it's all about the reviews.
So I read through all the reviews for all of the tiles that I was thinking of, so I
could actually see how the tiles looked in real customers' kitchens before I ordered
them.
And it's not just for decor.
I bought a little bit of everything from way fair over the years.
One of my oldest pieces is my bar cart that has traveled with me from home to home over
the last eight years of me living in LA.
And way fair really does make it easy to find what fits your space.
Everything ships fast.
And there's also assembly and installation options available if you do need them, which
makes the whole process feel seamless instead of overwhelming, because y'all know, if you
buy furniture, they become in a lot of pieces, but they do offer that assembly and installation
for you.
But anyways, buying furniture, decor, and essentials that fit your unique style and budget had
to wayfair.com right now to shop all things home, that's w-a-y-f-a-i-r.com wayfair, every
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And what that leads to is feeling resentment and all of this stuff.
And I would only be able to resent myself at the end of the day.
So, when this didn't work out, I felt a little embarrassed.
I felt very heartbroken and sad in a way that all I had this idea of what it could be in
my head.
I felt rejected.
I started to feel like I'm falling further and further behind in life.
And what this really was was God just closing that door because He knows how I get down.
I love to be in control.
And I think- I don't even like to say that I'm settling- I was settling with-with this
guy because I did actually really like him, but in a sense, I would be settling.
So I think that honestly came from me just being tired of being in the dating world.
It's- it's very tiring and I will say I'm discouraged at this point.
And I'm like, okay, guys, so what do you have for me?
Because I started to say, dang, God, you really just don't want me to settle because I- after-
I mean, through- through me talking to this guy, I was still kind of talking to other
people.
And I went on one date while I was home.
I did not care for it at all.
And after he said that he had to go to work or whatever, I said, you know what, oh, yeah,
I got to go.
I stopped talking to all of these people that I was, you know, talking to.
And I'm saying all, like it was so many, it was literally just three him.
This other guy that I ended up going on a date with and one guy that I met off he inch,
all of them from Louisiana.
And I ended up cutting all of that stuff off.
And I think because I was talking to him, I was just convincing myself that this is enough.
And I really did feel that way.
And I interpreted this redirection and this closed door that God has- this door that
God has closed as a failure, but what it- what it is, it's simply redirection.
It's not a failure at all, but being in my thirties and wanting to be in relationships
so badly and wanting marriage and all of these things that all of these people around
me, my loved ones around me are celebrating these milestones.
I'm like, dang, God, when will it be my turn?
So it's very hard for me, someone who is very solution oriented to sit there and let
Jesus take the will in that regard.
But there are two things.
They're settling and then there's contentment.
And being content is something that I'm trying to learn.
So settling is when you shrink your standards.
And like we said at the top of this episode, we need to raise our standards to match the
promises that God has for us.
And contentment on the other hand is trusting the timing that God has for us while maintaining
our standards.
And that is very hard to do for me.
It might be easier for some people, but it's very, very hard for me to do in this area
of my life.
And a question that I'm asking myself these days now is am I compromising my values
or am I practicing patience?
Did I lower my expectations because I was afraid?
Am I fearful?
Do I think that nothing is coming for me like am I impatient?
What is it?
Right?
Why did I lower my expectations?
And I think in this specific scenario with this guy that I really, really liked, I think
I lowered my expectations because I thought it was good enough.
That's the best way I can put it.
And I'm not, this is no shade to him in the type of person that he is or whatever.
Honestly, I was still like to be with that man.
I'm not even going to lie to you.
I mean, like the stats are good on this guy.
He just wants to stay in our small hometown and that lifestyle is not what I have dreamed
for myself.
That's my biggest thing.
And that's a huge lowering of my expectation because I'm out in LA trying to do the whole
acting thing.
He wants a bunch of land in the middle of nowhere and a farm and to live the country boy
life.
And I love that.
I love that so much.
I want a sprinkle of that in my life, but I know down a line, I'll be like, okay, I need
something else.
So God refuses to let me settle.
I also say this.
So once that door closed, I haven't talked to him since then since that was the last
message he sent me, hey, I got stuck at work.
I'm not going to be able to go whatever.
That's the last time I've spoken to him and it's now March.
But in other regards, I've just noticed that anytime I even remotely start talking to
a man, God immediately closes the door.
And like I said, that makes me feel discouraged.
I'm asking myself, dang, what am I ugly?
Like what is going on?
What is causing these men to almost immediately just fall off the face of the earth?
And the only logical thing that I can think of is that God is closing those doors.
I think it's divine disruption.
And I think God is disrupting my pattern because I, I'm not going to lie, I'm a simple girl,
okay?
I've noticed a pattern in me.
If a guy likes me, I'm going to talk to him.
I'm going to be like, okay, cool.
I've been very passive in my romantic relationships.
And lately, I have been changing that up.
I really have.
But from the beginning of me starting to date when I was in high school and all of that
stuff, if somebody liked me, I would just say, okay, I mean, I guess.
Okay?
Sure.
And I think God is disrupting that plan now, which hasn't happened to me in the past like
when I was younger.
And it feels very inconvenient.
And I think he is withdrawing access completely because he knows that I have that tendency
in me to accept this.
And I say that in hindsight because I look back and I say, godly, God, thank you so much
that that thing didn't work out.
Thank you so much.
You took that away from me because even when I look at my past relationships, who I broke
up with?
Girl, I broke up with two of my boyfriend's, but I also begged him to come back.
He broke up again and I begged him to come back.
And that is how I know that this is divine disruption because he is disrupting this new
thing that is not his promise for me.
And he's also disrupting old patterns that I tend to show, right?
Now as a black woman, I think something that I subconsciously learned is to be grateful
for the crimes.
And I've also been guilt-tripped in past relationships for wanting more.
And I've been told things like you're too much.
And I think all of this stuff has combined and made me become a little more passive and
not an active participant in my love life.
And I'm just so grateful that God won't allow me to settle even though it's against my
will.
Because as I sit back and I meditate on all of this and I reflect on all of my life experiences,
it makes a lot more sense now why all of these doors are being closed abruptly.
I'm also the type of girl.
When I'm talking to a guy that I really, really like, oh, career, girl is going out the
dough.
And I've always been like that.
And more of a traditional woman, I do want more of a traditional role, but I also want
my career.
But I am not, there are some people who are like, oh, yeah, my career comes first.
That is top priority.
I'm not that person.
And I've accepted that about myself, but I do think that there is a lot of stuff on
the opposite side that comes with that, with that I have to say, okay, I look, but
the girl, you need to take a step back and really see, make sure that you're seeing
this stuff clearly.
So even though I've been super frustrated with God, and well, I don't, I'm not going to
say that I'm not, I'm not going to say that I've been frustrated with God.
I have been frustrated with the fact that doors keep slamming in my face in the relationship
world.
And they slam before anything has even happened.
So it's hard for me to even draw a conclusion.
You know how like if you break it, be like, okay, yes, we broke up because of X, Y and
Z.
I'll be talking to a guy for a couple of months and everything is going well.
And then they will literally fall off the face of theirs.
You won't have a disagreement.
It won't even be like a weird thing that happened.
It'll be a great conversation or whatever.
And then boom, they're gone.
The only explanation for that is divine disruption from God.
God is disruption, disrupting my plan because my plan is not what his plan is for my life.
And me being the control freak that I have been.
And a lot of times I can get headstrong and I know that when I'm headstrong like that,
I'm like, look, we're going to get this done and we're going to do it this way because
I know I can get done this way.
And no other logic in the world can make me believe that it is not God that is closing
these doors because there is nothing else that makes sense in that regard.
So maybe there is nothing wrong.
It's just that I'm not meant to settle.
I think the right things won't require us to betray ourselves.
I was actually talking to my best friend, Brea, on my drive back to LA.
Y'all I drove back to LA, by the way, it took me three days.
I stopped in Texas.
I stopped in Arizona and then the third day I made it all the way here.
But I was talking to my best friend on the way and I was listening to Jay Shetty's podcast
and she was like, what was the episode about?
So we were just talking about it and one thing that really stuck with me from that episode
is that I need to make sure that I am being emotionally available to myself.
Sometimes we can be so worried about the other person that we were trying to talk to.
Oh my gosh, what did I do?
What can I do?
How can I make sure that they know that I love them all this type of stuff?
And sometimes we can't forget about ourselves.
And when he said, I can't remember exactly how he said it, but I was like, oh wow, am I
being emotionally available for me?
Because if I'm not emotionally available for me, how can I expect other people to be?
I cannot abandon myself for the sake of someone else.
And being emotionally available for yourself means like practicing self-attumement
and knowing how to process your internal emotions without judgment
and creating a safe and compassionate space for your own feelings
and nurturing your inner child, right?
So when you are feeling things, it's like, what does your self talk look like?
Are you giving yourself a pep talk?
Are you giving yourself a hug?
Or are you saying, oh my gosh, I'm so stupid.
I'm so dissoned so that.
What is it?
How are you able to self-soothe?
You know what I mean?
Are you able to nurture yourself through a difficult time rather than relying on other people
or escaping or advice or anything like that?
And I was like, oh wow, I never even thought about it like that.
I always say that I'm emotionally available.
I am an emotionally available partner,
but I have abandoned myself in the past
and I don't want to continue to do that.
So I say all that to say, God will not allow me to settle
and as frustrating as it is in the moment
when those divine disruptions happen
and when those doors slam in my face, I'm grateful
that God loves me enough to not water down the promises that He has for me.
Now with that being said, y'all, I'm going to go ahead and get out of here.
If this message resonated with you at all,
I pray that our affirmation at the top of the episode helps you
to raise your standards to match God's promises for your life.
And thank you for listening.
I really want to do more open thought, open letter episodes like this, this season.
So let me know if you liked it.
As always, you can shoot me an email at affirmations for Black Girls at gmail.com
or you could send us a DM on Instagram at affirmations for Black Girls.
But thank you guys so much for listening.
This was very cathartic for me to talk about my latest relationship fails
and oh, before I get out of here, I'm not really, I'm not actively dating right now.
I guess we'll talk about that in another episode,
but after the whole situation with the guy that I really like
that didn't go anywhere, I said, you know, I'm going to take a step back.
I'm not going to initiate with guys anymore because I initiated with him.
I'm always the initiator and I'm always getting the doors slammed into my face.
So I'm going to take a step back and I am actually going to focus on my career more this year
and build in my relationship with God and really trying to fine tune my ability
to hear God's voice in my life day to day.
So that's where I am with that.
Again, thank you guys so much for listening.
I'm going to go ahead and get out of here because I'll get for like 10 or 15 more minutes.
If you are not already subscribed to our YouTube channel, please go over to YouTube
and subscribe.
It's at affirmations for Black Girls.
We will be having more videos coming shortly.
This is just an audio only episode, but we will have more videos over there.
So go ahead and subscribe.
And please make sure that you rate the podcast and leave us a review on your favorite listening
platform.
I'm trying to hit Apple top 100 again in 2026, you guys, but with all of that being said,
I love you guys so much.
And I will see you again next week.
This is affirmations for Black Girls.
If you are a podcast host, listen up this once for you.
My name is Ally Jackson.
I'm the host of Finding Mr. Height, a dating and relationship podcast that I've been doing
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Affirmations for Black Girls
