Why Goals Stopped Working For Me

— And What I Discovered Instead

I've spent years setting goals, teaching goal setting and helping people turn dreams and desires into something they could actually achieve. And goals are bloody useful. They give us motivation, direction and something to move towards.

But I eventually noticed something: sometimes you reach the goal and still think, "Is that it?"

That was the clue for me.

I realised I had been asking goals to give me things they were never designed to provide — meaning, purpose, direction, peace and a sense of belonging.

So perhaps goals aren't the problem. Perhaps we're expecting too much from them.

In this deeper dive I explore what happened when I started looking beyond goals and towards my own North Star — not as a destination, but as a direction for how I want to live and experience my life.

There's also a simple reflective process to help you explore a goal you've already achieved and discover what you were really hoping it would give you.

Because maybe life isn't about reaching the right destination.

Maybe it's about learning how you want to travel.

And, as I'm discovering for myself, that might be much closer to enjoying every heartbeat.

In this episode

• Why goals are brilliant servants but terrible masters.
• What can happen when achieving a goal still leaves you asking, "Is this it?"
• The difference between achievement and meaningful experience.
• Why my North Star is becoming more about direction than destination.
• A simple process for discovering what you're really looking for through your goals.
• How goals, dreams and desires can become experiences rather than just milestones.

If you've ever achieved something you thought would make you happy, only to find yourself wondering "What's next?", this one's worth a listen.

And if you agree, please share the hell out of it with everyone you know :o)

https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/487-why-goals-stopped-working-for-me

and if you want to see me recording this in an unplugged way https://youtu.be/DAJM7ROz8vk

Shine Brightly 🌟

Paul

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And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism

 

 

 

So, the longer deeper dive. Why goals stop working for me? Well no, actually, what I discovered instead.

 

Because this isn't an episode about goals. It's changed. It's changed in a way that it's more about, I don't know, meaning.

 

There's more meaning to our lives than the structure of goals. And that's what it's all about. You see, there's something that goals can, will, never give us.

 

If you remember from the five minute quickie, you did watch or listen to the five that precedes this. I said, and I think it was sort of profound, what if the reason you keep setting goals isn't because you need another goal, but because you're looking for something goals can never, or were never designed to do for you. Yeah.

 

Now, here's the thing, you're probably thinking, probably thinking, is this guy against goals then? Because what is personal development if it doesn't have an element of it as goal setting, goal achieving, having aims, desires, dreams. And yeah, goals are wonderful. Why are they wonderful? Well, they give you an aim in mind.

 

What are promises? What do goals promise you? In your head, with that intention of that goal, they give you an outcome, motivation. And this is what I found in my life, is by having goals, they have sometimes, quite often, unexpected items. Because between you and I, you are not intelligent enough, brainy enough to know exactly what you want.

 

And by the way, nor am I. But when you start working towards a goal, a dream, a desire, something you want, you have that wonderful intention, you have that motivation, you have that feeling inside. Sometimes we just attract or find new doors, new opportunities that just like synchronicity, come along. In fact, when I first started training in NLP, I wanted to do NLP.

 

And I went to see this guy and he said, no, you can't do NLP. First of all, you have to do hypnosis. I didn't want to do hypnosis, that's not part of my goal.

 

I want to do NLP to be really, really good at business. But when I got into hypnosis, man, changed my life 26 years ago. And counting, maybe 26 and a half now.

 

And I love it. It was never on my radar. It was not on the horizon.

 

It was, it wasn't to be seen. It helped me build businesses, not just the business I wanted to use NLP things for, but the goals helped me build businesses for NLP trainings, hypnosis clinics, doing coaching sessions, going around different countries and training people in trauma therapy. Man, if it didn't have a goal for one of those, and the options and the synchronicity, I wouldn't have done any of that.

 

Goals have helped me learn, I've learned so much. Because you don't realize when you have a goal, what you are going to learn, the experiences you have, the things you're going to take with you into the next one. It's that skill stacking, isn't it? And there's also that bit when you're down, when you're in a bad time, like I was.

 

If I didn't have a goal, certainly a goal to get out of it. But also mini goals within that period to help me find a way out, give me the leg up, give me the hand holes to climb out of that hole. I'd still be there now.

 

Or maybe not even be here in this planet Earth. So they really help you overcome difficult periods in your life. So when you think about it, goals are brilliant servants.

 

That's what they are. They're brilliant servants. But there's a but, and they don't normally use buts, but they are.

 

But they are terrible masters. And that's what you've got to think of. Servants, don't let them master your life, because that's what I discovered instead.

 

So the title says goals stopped working for me, they didn't. But I did discover something even deeper beyond goals. You see, sometimes when I've set goals in the past, and it does happen quite a bit sometimes, I hear that small voice.

 

That small voice which says, is that it? Set the goal, I've done the work, come out at that end, the ending of the goal. And even if the words didn't come as words, that's the feeling I got. Is this it? Is that all there is? Think about that.

 

Maybe you can think of examples in your life. You know, even think of the little goals like buyer's remorse. We've all had buying something we've wanted for ages.

 

And when we got it, is that it? When we've got promoted in that job, we've strived and strived and strived, striven. Is this all there is? Maybe you think, when I lose weight, I'm gonna have all that confidence. Do you? Sometimes, when you finish a project, and I've had this, there's a lot of my goals were projects.

 

And it's that strange emptiness. You know, it's now what? Because the chase has ended, hasn't it? The chase has ended. But the thing is, again, I've had some good goals, by the way.

 

And I still have that feeling sometimes, is that it? Unless I've, I realised it's a progression. The goal is not necessarily the singular destination. But the thing is, I discovered this.

 

I'd been asking the goals, the goals in my life to do a job they were never designed to do. So what am I really asking them? You see, a little bit of vulnerability here. I want to say just lately, but it's been a good six, nine months, even.

 

I think I started this additional work on myself, call it additional, but new work on myself. Because things were changing in my life. Different structures, we've talked about structures and freedom and all this stuff, all come through this path I'm beginning to tread.

 

And I've been seeing my life changing. And they're changing as if there's no goals. But there's, even there was a few goals.

 

I was just trying too hard. And things weren't gelling for me. You know, the now what? Is this all there is? So instead of asking those goals to do a job for me, maybe I was looking for something different.

 

And this is what I was looking for. And you might get this. What I was really asking was to find purpose, to find direction, to find meaning, peace.

 

That was a big one. And belonging. Because things changing in your lives, these things allow you to bring things together.

 

You see, goals can can produce achievements. But they can't produce things on their own. It comes how you live your life while you're pursuing them.

 

Yeah. Have a think about that. Remember, life changes as you change.

 

So I want to think of something. You see, I call this my North Star work. Because I was looking for a new direction.

 

I had to find a new direction. The direction I was on the path I was on was closing. Because that's what happens, isn't it? And goals didn't give me that.

 

But I got direction started looking for direction. Because what I found was goals tell you when you arrive there. But I felt this North Star was telling me how to travel.

 

It's different, isn't it? How to travel, how to enjoy life, as you go along, a rich life. So if it's okay, just for a moment, I wonder if you could take a bit of time to consider this. If you can find a bit of space, if you can, somewhere where you'll be undisturbed, just so you can think for a little while.

 

So you can consider what I'd like you to think about is I'll just get comfortable first. However comfortable is for you. Just take a deep breath and allow that breath to create a comfort inside you and feel it.

 

Give yourself permission to feel comfortable, to feel good. Maybe to feel curious what you might learn. And I'd like you, in fact, I'm going to invite you to think of a goal that you've already achieved.

 

And I'd like you as you bring that to mind. Maybe ask this question. What did I hope this goal would give me? Because I think we forget that, don't we? What did I hope this goal would? And just let that, just muse and notice what bubbles up.

 

And if it bubbles up right now, that's awesome. It might bubble up later when you have a bit more time. Or unexpectedly, your unconscious mind might just bring these answers to mind.

 

But if you could, just ask your unconscious mind to help you here. What did I hope this goal would give me? And if it did, how long did that feeling last? Because we seem to think sometimes they last for a long, long time. But really, how long did that feeling? Just acknowledge it.

 

We're learning. We're not changing anything. But think of this as you bring that goal that you've already achieved back into mind again.

 

What was it? What were you really looking for? Ask yourself the question. What was I looking for through this goal? And notice what happens. Notice maybe you get it intuitively.

 

Just a feeling, an understanding. Or maybe you get words. Maybe you get a real piece of learning.

 

Because it's all going to make sense. And then ask, what if that goal disappeared tomorrow? What qualities would still matter? Yeah, because these type of questions, well, that's where you, I, we begin to find our North Star, our direction, the path. That includes goals, yes.

 

But it's a path, the direction that we tread, or the path that we tread, the direction that we go. And for me now, again, this is me sharing, that terminal star is changing for me. It's evolving.

 

At the moment, it's slowly changing to something like my life, my life's architecture, something I'm creating. Yeah. So I just allow all that to sink in.

 

And open your eyes. Maybe just check in. How do you feel now? What have you learned? Maybe if you had your puzzle book, you know, that book that we, well, that's my puzzle book, isn't it? That I would just open.

 

And maybe write these down. Think of a goal. What did I hope this goal would give me? How long did that feeling last? And what was I really looking for? And then if that goal disappeared tomorrow, what qualities would still remain? Because that North Star, that life's architecture is in some way a goal, isn't it? Everything's a goal.

 

But now it's more of a direction. And I'll be achieving dreams along the way. You see, I'm, and I'm hoping to, inspire you to move a little bit away from slowly achievements, but moving towards experiencing life, the experience.

 

And that's why I say enjoy every heartbeat. Because that isn't about arriving, is it? It's about living. And that's where I, I believe I'm quietly heading.

 

I think you'll notice, or would have noticed in the last, maybe four or five longer podcasts. It's all about direction. Yes, there's processes.

 

Processes will never leave me because that's what I'm so used to. That's what I love doing. That's how I love helping people using the processes to help now find direction.

 

Sometimes we do have those things that call it a blockage, get in our way. The emotional baggage that sometimes is pushing us off path or holding us back. I'll still be doing those as I go through these episodes.

 

But I really want to think about these as not a do to, but a come with. As I share my experiences, I'd love you to share yours with me. You know, my email address, feedback at personaldevelopmentunplugged.com. I love your reaction to this, your thoughts.

 

Maybe as you think about your North Star, your life's architecture, what would you like to design in there? What would you like to experience along the way? As you have those wonderful goals, dreams and desires, but as experiences, not milestones. I think it's a nice way to look at life now. And that's the way I'm changing my philosophy inside here in my head.

 

And I find it so much more comforting, so much less stressful. Yes, I'll be working on goals. I have projects that I want to do.

 

But I'm now looking to them as a real want to, not a have to. Now, is it creating a better experience for me? And what will the outcome be? How can I share it? So you'll see that in future episodes too. So I don't know where we got with this.

 

I hope, as always, it makes perfect sense. Well, not perfect, but makes sense. I hope where it doesn't make sense, it's got your thinking.

 

It's even doing this, this, you know, I've been thinking about it. I've been, this is part of my life. And as I share it, it's getting me to think again.

 

It's like my auditory journal. So maybe you could think of that too. How can you really get into the process and not spending your whole life doing it because it isn't it.

 

We want to design the experience and then live the experience. As I say, enjoy every heartbeat. Have a think, have a think.

 

Now, I know I say this every time. I'd love you to share this episode. Now, I'm a big boy.

 

I see the algorithms or the results I get. The analytics, that's what I was looking for. They don't show a lot of sharing.

 

But if you could, in this changing world, where I believe we need these types of experiences to create a wonderful life in us first, taking responsibility to look after us first, you first, then others, and then little old planet earth. And as they all come together, we'll do something good. So please do share this.

 

If you could just to one person, show me my little analytics, a little blip of good. Yeah. I've seen some movement.

 

And more people get this. I think. Well, you'll feel good.

 

And they'll feel good. I hope they feel good. They would.

 

Because they're like minded people like you like me. And with that, let's just see what happens. So go enjoy every heartbeat.

 

Maybe wonder if I was to talk to your unconscious mind right now. While you're not listening. And ask, what would it be like if you were to surprise them with feeling happy for no reason? I wonder what that would be like? And how would that spread through the rest of their body, their life that day? There you go.

 

That's me done. Time to have a little rest, a little getting into my life's architecture, and have a great time. Enjoy and go fly.

 

Warning, you are now leaving the unplugged mind of Paul Clough. It's time to fly. Be brave, my friend.

 

Personal development unplugged.

 Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited

 

Personal development [self improvement] [self development] [NLP] [Hypnosis]