0:00Episode 3979, How to Win Your Parenting Conversations. Moms, it's time to rediscover, rejuvenate, and renew who you are in Mind, Body, and Spirit. Welcome to Create Your Now, Your Best Selfie. The show that help you do just that. Here's your host, Certified Life Coach, Personal Trainer, and Nutritionist, Christian Wargo. Happy happy day, I hope you're ready for an incredible start to a beautiful weekend. Yes, it's Confessions of an upset moment. Are you ready for this? Oh, we're bringing the words. How to Win Your Parenting Conversations. For those of you who are brand new to Create Your Now, welcome to this incredible family. I'm so delighted of your presence. If you already even have the opportunity, you want to head on over to CreatureNow.com, where you can learn more and sign up for the Kids' Newsletter. To keep its simple strategy, everyday solutions, to live, love, and impact. With this episode is brought to you by AIM, Inspiring Connection, and Community. Well, you know, I have been watching a lot of the Olympics.

1:01Football's over. It's so depressing. But you know what? We'll have spring season starting here soon. And why not enjoy the Olympics? And then you got March Madness, right? And it's all the things sports. Well, you know me in sports. I do enjoy it. And I think it's because a lot of times, sports can teach us a lot about our lives. And it allows us to look at things differently. We can see things that maybe we didn't really recognize in our actual life. But when we use it as a comparison to sports, a metaphor and saying, well, if you look at it this way, you might be able to see things this way. And all of a sudden your eyes are opened. You know, parenting isn't about having the loudest voice in the room, or even the last word every time. It's about precision, strategy, and understanding how every move impacts the next. It really does sound like a game, doesn't it? Now, you may be the expert, but be careful how you share the wisdom. Whether you want to admit it or not,

2:02you can learn how to win your parenting conversations better. It doesn't matter how long we've been a parent. Now you may be in grandparenthood, whatever it is, there's still room for growth. And I believe that. And so as I've been watching the Olympics, I want to honor them today. And I want you to think of your parenting conversations like the sport of curling. Have you watched it? I mean, literally where every stone you throw changes the game. And success isn't guaranteed just because you have the advantage. So if you haven't watched curling, go watch it. It's amazing. Congratulations to the women. They're in the semi-finals. The mix doubles with the twins. Why call them the twins? Because their first names are Corey. The Corey's congratulations. They brought home a silver here for the US. It's so much fun just to learn a new sport. And curling is one of those things where, gosh, if you watch it, it's like, oh, there is strategy. Wait, there's precision.

3:02And when you think you've got it right, where you want it to go? Oh, nope. The game changes because somebody else comes at you. Well, of course, in curling, players slide these heavy stones. So like 42 pounds of granite. They're like literally the slab of rock. And it goes across the ice towards this target, right? And the middle one is called the button. And I just learned recently, those green lines on there are called the hog lines. Now, I am not the curling expert by any means. But I think it's fun because when you look at something like curling, a different sport and you say, okay, how does that look like? And compared to parenting, it's like, oh, my goodness, there's so many avenues that just really connect. And it's not just about the strength in curling, right? It's about the angle. The speed of how fast that rock is traveling. When Tabitha Peterson is throwing it down, when you've got Cory Teeson, just, I mean, just add it. Or I think it's TC. Anyway, I apologize for that,

4:03but it's a different pronunciation. But she's incredible. Both Cory's are incredible, but she is dynamite too. The timing of everything, right? And then those subtle adjustments, just how they let go of the rock, the speed of it. And all these numbers, like 11, 7, and like, what does that all mean? Well, you know, if you throw a stone too hard or at the wrong angle, it can miss the target or worse, give your opponents the chance to steal the points. Now, think about this. Do you really want your kids to steal your points? Nope. Well, parenting conversations are just like those curling stones, right? The words you choose, the tone, and the timing. All of that stuff, right? Those subtle adjustments when you're quiet. And maybe you don't say anything for a moment. Maybe then you raise your voice at times where they're like, God, I didn't see that coming. All of it influences the outcomes in your child's mind and heart. Now, you may have the authority just like holding the hammer, right? If you've ever watched the scoreboard when they have the hammer,

5:04that means that team is going to be the last one to throw the last stone. And you want that because, hopefully, worst case scenario, you at least get one. But here's the thing, just because you have that last shot, doesn't mean that your kids can, you know, just leave everything to you. No, they can actually steal the moment, either aligning with you or pushing back based on what you say and how you say it. If you look at curling and watch it, the other team can steal the point even though, let's say, for example, the United States has it and the hammer. And Swiss is the one that doesn't have the hammer. Well, that means the United States are going to be the last to throw the stone. But if the United States messes up, Swiss can, well, they can definitely steal the point. And our kids do the same thing. They look for those moments where, well, mom, you're a little bit weak here and I'm going to get you on this side because you know what, I really don't want to listen to you. I know better than you do. Now, you know that's not true, right?

6:05I mean, because we come with experience. We come with wisdom gained from our time, our age, our experiences. But you see, we also have to remember that with every conversation that we have, every word we choose, it's building a mountain or a hill or even a valley, right? Every conversation leaves a mark on the heart. You're either building trust and confidence or you're chipping away at their self-worth. The pressure is real. It really is. And that's why, you know, we look at Fridays as confessions of an upset moment because this stuff is real to us as a mom, we carry a lot of the weight. And I think about the eight stones that are used in curling 42 pounds, I believe that's what they are. I mean, multiply that. I'm not going to do math now because I will just embarrass myself. But it's over 300 pounds, right? That's a lot of weight to carry. But we do that as parents. We carry that weight because the pressure's real. But the possibility of you winning the conversation

7:07is much greater than that pressure. So take the risk. Take aim. Win the conversation. That is your kiss to keep it simple strategy. Win the conversation. Don't sit there and be like, well, you know, it's not really a big deal. I'll just let this one go. You know, it is a big deal. Every word you share counts. You're either building that hill or reinforcing that mountain or possibly digging a hole deeper which is creating a valley. And if I think, honestly, if we as parents thought about that, we might talk to our kids differently. And I think that's why when we become grandparents, we do talk to our kids differently. Our grandkids. Not necessarily our kids, but our grandkids. Why? Because we've learned the hard way. It's like, oh, if I would have just done this. And now you're like, all practiced up. But it doesn't matter how many kids you have. I mean, I have five kids and now two grandbabies. But just because I have five children doesn't mean I am the ultimate expert. Right? These are just suggestions

8:07and ways for you to think about parenting differently. So when you watch the game of curling and maybe you're watching the gold medal match in the women's event, maybe you'll be like, oh, man, Kristian is so right. Right? The stones, my words, how I throw them, the tone of voice. I mean, even in the game of curling, it gets loud in there, right? Because they have four complete, I don't know what you call them, you know, ice patches. They're not really ice patches. But you know, the full length of their curling event. And like I said, I'm not the expert here when it comes to curling. But it's loud. And you can be cheering for anybody and everybody, but the teams that are playing, they hear it. But then they also have to cancel it out. And I think our environment can get so loud that we have to remember where we, we got to cancel all of that out and focus on what's in front of us. Focus on our child. Focus on the words we need to use to get to their heart to make that mark. So what are some things we can do

9:07as a parent to win the conversation? Number one, aim with empathy, not just authority. When you speak, think about the angle of your words. Are you sliding them gently to meet your child's feelings? Are you coming crashing in where this stone just recklessly comes in hard, ignoring what they're going through? Now, I will tell you this, there's a time and place to come in recklessly and to be that harsh parent. There are times for that. But for the most part, not always, we've got to meet them where they're at, right? So instead of commands or criticism, start conversations by tuning in to what your child needs emotionally. Meet them there. Let that stone just touch their emotions. So they know, okay, mom is present. Now, what can I do, right? Create the freeze. And that sets the mark on the heart. And this sets a better trajectory

10:08for openness and connection, making it easier for them to engage rather than resist. Number two, control your speed and tone. You know, when we get anxious or we're up tight, sometimes we talk a lot faster. And we just really don't know what we're saying because our minds can't keep up with what we're saying. Now, obviously, I did not speed that up. I just sped up my sentences to you. I wanted you to hear the difference because when we slow down and we talk a little slower, our tone changes to our pitch. It's hard to be mad and talk slow. Try it. I'm not going to try it here because I'll probably truly sound. And I know I'll feel ridiculous in doing it. And I might just kind of blow the microphone out. And I don't want to, you know, tap into your hurt ears. I don't want to add to you getting hearing aids earlier in your lifetime. Seriously. But we got to control our speed and our tone, right?

11:09Curling stones require just that right velocity too fast and you miss too slow and you never get close enough. Likewise, our tone can either accelerate conflict or they can slow it down thoughtfully. So speak calmly, clearly and with intention. When you're speaking to your kiddos, especially if they're stress-involved, breathing is a blessing. I just want you to think about that. Breathing is a blessing. I need to breathe. Breathing is a blessing. In fact, maybe I need to make a shirt that says breathing is a blessing. And maybe with that breath, the right words will come out. Not the fast harsh words that are going to rattle your child and push them away. But maybe it's those instead steady kind words that invite them to listen and respond positively where they actually get what you're saying. Control your speed and tone. And then, finally, number three, practice your release.

12:10Choose your words that build and not break. You know how you release the stone, that big round 42-pound rock of granite defines its path. All right, if you just release it too fast or if the touch is too heavy and you're holding on too tight, it changes the trajectory of where that stone's going to go. In parenting, your word choice is your release. Right? What's coming out of your mouth? Positive encouraging language can curl the conversation toward cooperation and trust, while negative or even careless words can leave wounds that linger long after. So challenge yourself to speak in ways that affirm your child's worth. That's the key, right? That's the mark on the heart you want to leave, even when correcting or setting boundaries. You can do both. You can set those boundaries so stiff and so firm, but yet your words are so loving and so kind.

13:12But I will tell you this. You got to practice your release. You got to think about it. And oh no, here's the big blow. It's different for every child. So if you have multiple children, you'll probably have a different language for each child. And you've got to remind yourself of that, because you can be working with an older child, and then all of a sudden your four-year-old comes up and you're like, wait, what? You know, talking to a 12-year-old versus a four-year-old, totally different conversations, different forms of the words you use, the tones you use, the emphasis of where you put on like, you know, if you're going to hit that heart T or that heart P for a reason, for whatever, right? But you've got to think about that. So challenge yourself to speak in ways that affirm your child's worth. You know, in curling, they call those big circles the house. Okay, and in the middle it's like called the button. At least I've heard commentators call it the button. I think it's kind of cute. It's the button.

14:13It's the middle. And that's usually where the Olympic rings are. Whatever they put in the middle of, you know, when they're doing other curling events. But that's the middle part. And when you think about the house, right, your child's heart is the house. And you want to protect it like you would up to the very last stone. Remember parenting isn't about winning every debate or having the last say, your kids can and will steal the conversations momentum if they feel understood and valued or they're just going to slam the door if they don't. They're going to walk away. They're going to shut down. They're going to stop listening to you. And you may or may not know that they have ear buds in. And so you may not know if they're even listening. They could be rocking out not moving and just looking at your eyes. Like, well, I'm just sitting here listening. Mom yelled at me again. Going in one out here, out the other. But my ear buds been let it bounce off. No big deal. That's not where it settles in. So like curling, the best players know how to work with the ice.

15:15Not just outpower it. It's not always about being the loudest. Sometimes it's about coming around and curling to their heart and being the kindest and the sweetest but setting strict boundaries. You know, every chat with your child is a chance to slide a stone that builds their confidence and for their relationship. Right with you. When you take control of your words like a skilled curler with a perfect release like the quarries did, you don't just play the game. You win the hearts. And that's the key here. You want to win your child's heart. You want them to be able to trust you. You want them to know that no matter what happens. I may not like your actions. I may not like your words. I may not like your report card or I may not like the friends you bring home with you. But regardless, I will always love you. You're not just throwing stones in the dark, are you?

16:15So start aiming your words with empathy, control your tone like the speed of the slide and release with positive intention. Know that with every word that you put out there is either building that mountain or digging a valley. Your conversations will stop being battles and then they'll start becoming breakthroughs. That's what you want when you talk to your kiddos or your grandbabies or your nieces or nephews. You can learn how to win parenting conversations. You can get better at it. But you've got to be willing to put in the work and say, you know what? It's time I curl up a little bit and watch how I throw my words. Go in peace. Be present. Be incredible. Be you. I love you so very much. I cannot wait to see you on the other side. Blessing tags and lots and lots of love. We'll talk to you real soon. Have a glorious blessed weekend. Bye-bye. Feeling inspired and ready to train for life and love your journey?

17:16Visit createyournow.com for more incredible resources to help you along the way. We'll see you next time on Create Your Now Your Best Selfie. And remember, always be sure you consult your physician before beginning any health and fitness plan.