3959: The Standard Is the Standard

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1:00That's why QUO is the number one rated business phone system on G2. Trusted by over 90,000 businesses. Make this the year where no opportunity slips away. Try QUO for free and get 20% off your first six months. At QUO.com, slash try QUO. That's Q-U-O. dot com slash try QUO. QUO. No missed calls, no missed customers. Click up just solved AI's biggest problem, and it's saving four million teams from productivity loss every day. Unlike chat GPT and other AI tools, click up converges all your work into one platform. So your AI super agents have full context to prioritize tasks, execute workflows, and draft documents instantly. Teams using click up finish work 30% faster, and cut meetings in half. Try click up for free today and get 15% off AI upgrades at clickup.com slash podcast. That's CLICKUP.com slash podcast. Hey AI, you're welcome, and I think you are sick. I think you're better. Yeah. Welcome to Keith. I'm a girl. I'm Keith Malley. I did not need the batteries, the lanterns, or the gun, the storm.

2:01Winter storm fern was not that bad here in Charlotte. After all, some ice, snow, of course, but not too bad for the city really scaring the shit out of me. And I know it's frozen in New York City, of course, but maybe the infrastructure in the South is just much worse. But man, they warned you. The first time I ever let faucets drip, which I never did before in my life. So I was ready to come home to floods. But everything worked out. I do have my second tub filled with water. Now I got to drink all that. I have the AMC movie pass. If I look up times, there's no times for any theaters. They shut down. My girlfriend's favorite restaurants shut down. My place shut down. You know, restaurants, they don't care about their employees. It was a big deal of scary shit. But nothing really happened. Instead I stayed home, kept a low key, watched a little SNL, and oops. Who was featured on SNL? Yeah, boy. Yeah, boy, got a shout out.

3:02So the host was Teyana Taylor. She played the main rebel, the mom, in one battle after another. I guess in real life, Teyana Taylor is a great dancer and break dancer. And one of the skits is later in the show, was a wedding scene, the bride and groom, the DJ, they're saying hi to everybody. And they introduced the uncle that's there. And it's Teyana Taylor just as an old man. And the old man does a bunch of break dancing and shit. He's like, well, you can't control this fucking guy, right? But this is how the sketch starts, which has nothing to do with the rest of the skit. And sweetie, mom and I are just so proud of you. And to our new son-in-law, Keith, from now on, call me dad. And you can continue to call me Carol. Thanks, dad. Thanks, Carol. All right, well, food will be served shortly. The kitchen just needs a few more minutes to microwave the steak. What? In the meantime, the couple wants to say a few words.

4:05That's it. What? We know Raiders at SNL. And they know Keith. They know about me, microwave, and steak. I only did it once! I lived out of a motel in my hometown in Somerset, Pennsylvania. I still wanted to live like a person. And one day I got steak and tried to microwave it. No, it doesn't work out. But we didn't have computers in our pockets. And I decided to give it a go. Then the story gets out there like I constantly microwave fucking steaks. I don't. It was a one-time thing. I don't let life get me down. Here's a clip from Keith and the girl with Henda. This is Calvin Cato talking about heating up food in a hotel. Peacott mess. I stayed in a hotel room that didn't have a microwave. So I blew dry the sandwich to heat it up to eat. People like Henda laugh at this stuff. I don't know. I think this is a great idea. I don't know why it's a bad idea. You can't, what are you supposed to go out and buy a microphone? Not supposed to enjoy life.

5:06I'll tell you why it's a bad idea. Because if you're in a hotel that has a blow dryer, you're in a hotel that has an iron. You should have ironed it. But that would have been rude. I'm not going to wash the iron. I'm not doing extra extra work. I think it's a great idea. Henda makes fun of me because I lived out of a hotel for a minute. Hostel. Out of both, but she loves to correct everything. That's what's fun about doing a show with her for 13 years. So believe me when I say I lived in a hotel. So I still wanted to enjoy a steak every now and again. So there's no stove, of course. So I had microwave a steak. Thank you. You're not catch parasites from that. Why is he saying it like you're going to be on his side? Yeah. I mean, I love you on many things. But you can't microwave a steak. Of course you can. So you put it in the microwave. 27 minutes later, you take it out. Wouldn't that have overheated the microwave? The microwave can handle it. It goes up to 9999.

6:07Okay. Now, if the peak of your adventure is a blow dryer, then that's what it is. Okay, how old are you? A 34. Okay, you're not ready. How old is ready to microwave a steak? No, that's in my 20s. That's weird. But I knew I wasn't going to deprive myself. So when this comes up on SNL, it's absolutely what it is. And when this happens, it is always fun. I went, oh shit, by myself at home watching TV. Kendall once was featured on Kirby Enthusiasm. Eres Bar was a guest, pronounced perfectly, by the way. Was a guest on Keith and the girl. Then she's on Kirby Enthusiasm. If you recall, she's the woman that orthodox Jewish gets stuck on a ski lift with Larry David, sundown comms. She can't be alone with a man. She asks him to jump. He goes, what the fuck are you crazy? So she has to jump. And then that story is repeated on the last when they kind of do a Seinfeld thing to show over the seasons how Larry was such a fucking asshole.

7:07She brings up, she just came from, you know, whatever religious holiday Shabbat, let's say. And she was with her friend, Kenda. That absolutely was Kenda. That's exciting. I think this is absolutely me. And sweetie, mom and I are just so proud of you. And to our new son-in-law, Keith, come now on. Call me dad. And you can continue to call me Carol. Thanks, dad. Thanks, Carol. Thank you. All right, well, food will be served shortly. The kitchen just needs a few more minutes to microwave the steak. That's not crazy. It's not the time the couple wants to say a few words. Okay, so that, by the way, is why the audience didn't laugh a lot. Because it's not that fucking crazy. The cast member, by the way, is Mikey Day that said about the steak. Mikey Day, the host of, is at cake on Netflix. And I told you when this show came out, brilliant. What a great show. Congratulations to the great Mikey Day.

8:09Here's what they do if you don't know. They'll show you a shoe that you put on your foot, right? And they'll be like, is it a shoe? And you're like, yeah, it's a shoe. And they take a knife and they cut it up and they go, no, idiot, it's a cake. You're like, oh, I swear, it wasn't a shoe. Yeah, it's not a shoe. You made it to look like a shoe. It looks like a shoe. It's cake. And sometimes they'll do the opposite, too. And they'll be like, here's a cupcake. Is that a cake? You're like, well, sure, that's got to be a cake. And they take a knife and it's a squeaky toy for a dog and they go, no, it's not a cake. You're like, oh, you said it was a cake and it's not a cake. It's not a cake, moron. All right. So you never know what it's going to be. They'll take like a toy car. How about a toy car? You're like, well, I just saw the squeaky toy. I'll say that's a toy car. They cut it open. It's a cake. Like, how the fuck did they make? Cake looked like a toy car. Right? And then they cut the commercial and do it again. Great show. And that was fun. They really did shock me. But I do have your emails. You saw it also and I saw it live.

9:09And yeah, it was pretty cool. I don't know why it's funny because it's a normal thing to try. But let's see. That clip, by the way, it took it from an awards show that we did. Keith and the Girl.com slash awards. Take a look at all the awards shows we've done over the years. Maybe you're like, oh my god, what? Almost 4,000 Keith and the episodes now, 22 years. Wow, am I going to catch up? Their selections that the audience said are their favorite. After all this time, you can check out Keith and Girl.com slash awards. I see me. Keith, the fan's steak marker waving was under one year most ridiculous moment, along with Subar Agarol, about getting chlamydia, okay? Brother Love's celebrity sex math is featured in there. Keith reviews the Star Wars solo poker scenes. Yeah, that was that was some bullshit. That was some bullshit. When they play poker and Star Wars and bullshit. Kind of as I sex. Oh, yes, you had a sex toy and Gilbert Godfrey'd re-enacting World War II. I saw our buddy, Newsy, Keith and Girl.com slash VIP.

10:10We do last week on Keith and the Girl, where we talk about what we talked about and some behind the scenes stuff. And then, Chew and A, where we go back over these last 22 years. Pick a date, see what we talked about each of those years with the different guests and what's going on in the world. He does a fucking fantastic job. Keith and the Girl.com slash VIP. You can do code a free trial. Take a look at what's doing. Anyway, he posted his new house that he has. Oh, man, he fucked a real turd the plumber. I'm not exaggerating. These VIP shows are hot. Anyway, he showed this, this bookshelf he, he's setting up in his new house. Under the autobiography section is the great American novel. Under his self-help section is what do we do now? I cannot tell you, in those of you how fucking flattered I was. That was fun to see in your place, looks great. The what do we do now book is next to important books. It's right next to the Home Depot's Home Improvement 123 new edition. So this is very exciting to me. So thank you. Take that high school bullies.

11:10By the way, speaking of bullies and SNL, Tracy Morgan, the internet's divided over Tracy Morgan, because he confronted a bully. But the bully happens to be homeless so it's Tracy out of line. I don't know what you're saying. Don't talk to me like a, oh, you suck. I'll listen to you. Can I get something please? No. Oh, you're younger. Yeah, but I got forgot. I'm homeless, boy. You're doing me, I do that. Shit, I like that. It like that. Yeah, it's like that. I don't know what this guy did to Tracy or his friends or his family, but it's memorable. Go fuck yourself, because you're going to embarrass me in front of everybody. Can I give you something? No. No. But I'm homeless. Yeah, because no one liked you. Fuck off. It's never too late to get these bullies back. We just happened to wait decades.

12:12But fuck you Roger Lafferty. You dead son of a bitch. But Tracy was lucky enough to be hit by a Walmart truck and be a multi-millionaire. Shouldn't he get rich guy a sandwich? Fuck off. If he wants to give, he'll give. And he'll give to better people. Fuck this guy. How do you start with an apology? Not, hey, buddy, it's me, your old friend. There's bad people, believe it. This guy was a bad dude. Believe it. Believe what's going on. It never happens at a good time. The pipe bursts at midnight. The heater quits on the coldest night. Suddenly, you're overwhelmed. That's when home service here. For $4.99 a month, you're never alone. Just call their 24-7 hotline and the local pro is on the way. Trusted by millions, home-served delivers peace of mind when you need it most. For plans starting at just $4.99 a month, go to home-served.com. That's home-served.com. Not available everywhere. Most plans range between $4.99 to $11.99 a month your first year. Terms apply on covered repairs. When was the last time you felt in control of your business finances?

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14:14but ice, border patrol is inside our borders killing us. This isn't an exaggeration. There's no other angle to these f***ing videos. Another person's dead since we talked last. And then it's some person is dead since we talked last. And there's just lying about what the f*** is going on and I'll get to that. But speaking of S&L, when they make they do their Donald Trump impression and they make different jokes, the really, especially the cold open. They're really just repeating what is going on in the in the world, and I think people think SNL is exaggerating, but they're not. This shit did happen. I wonder if people know that. Alex Jeffrey Freddie, Alex Freddie, white male born in Illinois, University of Minnesota graduate, medical professional, employed at the US Department of Veterans Affairs. Avid Outdoorsman and dog dad legal gun owner with no criminal record shot by ice, at least two people shot him multiple fucking times.

15:16A woman's getting pepper these motherfuckers and they're a pepper spray. Oh, man, they get off on it. They're not aiming or anything. They can't wait to use the pepper spray this ice. On anybody standing up to them, it reminds me of that story. I told you where I had a roommate that got drunk or out of control. Got violent cops ended up coming to our place. Drag them to the ground. They're holding them on the ground. Another cop runs over this New York City. Another cop runs over has pepper spray and puts in front of my roommate's eyes, and it's like Sarge, can I spray him? And as if this guy does it once the spray all the time, the sergeant goes no bob and Bob goes, aww. And then they throw him in a patty wagon and take him away. But yes, these people are eager motherfuckers and ice is worse than any cops you've seen. A woman gets pepper sprayed. This guy happens to have a gun on him, which is legal, which he has the permit for. He puts his hands up to

16:18to block kind of try to help block the spray. The cops take him down. They see there's a gun. One of the ice officers takes the gun out of the holster, then they shoot him. This is what happened. And they're fucking flat out lying about what happened. Ice is lying. Christy Nome is lying. We have multiple angles of this video. And they're totally saying something different happened. He never holstered his weapon. He was disarmed when, uh, when he was shot. It's 100% intentional. It's 100% homicide. Fox News headlines unrest grows details emerge after Border Patrol agent shoots kill suspect with defensive shots. The individual approached US Border Patrol agents with a 9mm semi-automatic handgun. Didn't happen. The agents attempted to disarmed the individual, but he violently resisted. Did not happen. Fearing for their lives did not happen. Agents fired defense shots. Didn't happen.

17:23Saying quote, he wanted to do maximum damage and massacre law enforcement. Didn't happen. My buddy Spooky had this idea. Walls, the governor of Minnesota, he, uh, deputizes every citizen. So everyone has a qualified immunity and they could just shoot with impunity anytime a master armed individual is quote, coming right at me. Then he writes, I joke, obviously, I'm like, I'm in. People could come up to you, not identify themselves with a mask and a gun. You're expected to do whatever the fuck they say. And they have the right to kill you. And the aftermath, one of the agents is roughly searching the body screaming, where's the fucking gun? And another guy across the street, an ice age, he goes, uh, I have it. Uh, I have it. And by the way, after they shoot them, there's like five or six ice agents kind of back up, doing an arc around his body, looking at what they did. Like they never know what to do after. Even when they, that, that dude shot, uh, the woman in the car, three shots to the face. He was so fucking scared and he goes, he fucking bitch after she, you know, she shot. Then they don't know

18:25what to do next. They're like, um, uh, uh, uh, federal agents from Customs and Border Protection, shot, Freddie, Saturday, their West 26th and Nicolette and South Minneapolis. The H.S. said he approached with a handgun and resisted. This didn't happen. He didn't have time to resist also by the way later. He was just fucking shoved down. The video show him holding a phone and empty hand after directing traffic pieceway. Though, however, says AI says, um, says Elon Musk's AI like Elon Musk. Get a good control over your AI. They're disagreeing with everything you're saying. Minneapolis nurse, Freddie died at the scene, prompting governor Tim Walls to call it sickening and activate the National Guard while the mayor, uh, decried the operations as an invasion hours later, local antifa influencer posted a video in technical gear, urging followers to arm up against federal officers near Franklin and Nicolette on January 26th, Monday today. It's going to go somewhere. It's going to go somewhere.

19:27Mike Lawrence put up this great post that people supposedly protecting us from the murders and kidnappers, seeing them be doing a lot of murdering and kidnapping. Here's a statement from the family of Alex Predeys, Michael and Susan Freddie. We are heartbroken but also very angry. Alex was a kindhearted soul who cared deeply for his family and friends and also the American veterans, who American veterans who aren't being taken care of. He's working for the American veterans who may cared for as an ICU nurse at the Minneapolis VA hospital. You know ice and ice supporters. Last time it was the woman got shot. Oh, she was a lesbian poet. This guy got shot. Yeah, right. A male nurse. Alex wanted to make a difference in this world. Unfortunately, he will not be with us to see his impact. I do not throw around the hero term lately. However, his last thought in act was to protect a woman. The sickening lies told about our son by the administration are reprehensible and disgusting. Alex is clearly not holding a gun when attacked by Trump's murdering and cowardly ice thugs. He has his phone in his right hand and his empty left

20:29hand is raised above his head while trying to protect a woman. Ice just pushed down while being pepper sprayed. Please get the truth out about our son. He was a good man. Thank you. And now there's an ice policy that allows officers to enter homes without a judge's warrant. You know, when I grow up, I always wondered like, what's the deal with cops and their badges? I wouldn't know what the fuck a badge looks like. Oh, well, then you are a cop, you know. So, I guess you go with it. Know your rights. I wouldn't know my fucking what. Now, ice doesn't even have to do that. They can come in your house. So, hey, you're going to have criminals coming in your house saying ice. You can have a, you can wear a mask if you want. B, even if that didn't happen, which will, what the fuck? They're going to get the wrong house. They're going to murder people. I got to put cameras in my house for ice. And the cruelty behind it, the laughter and cruelty behind it. Not only are you doing this disgusting shit, but the White House like, you know, arrested,

21:31arrested a woman, showed a picture of it, but the picture's doctored. Like, she's leaving like, all right, I'm going with ice, I guess. But they have her crying and sobbing. And then, of course, the ice supporters are like, good, make them fucking crap. Like, what is the point of this? What, what, what twist or mental gymnastics? Are you doing in your head as a nice supporter, as a Trump supporter, as a, as a federal government supporter? Right now. What are you, what are you telling yourself? There is video now. What are you telling yourself? Nothing. I'm going to watch this free solo guy climb a building and not think about it. Well, he lives spoiler. Now what? You support the people that are doing supporting, you vote locally, you vote federally. You quit playing stupid. Quit playing stupid. It is this bad. It is not an exaggeration. It's easy to say it does. And you don't have to think you're living in the world

22:34that you're living in. And that's why they get away with it. But the fuckers are making me read now. We're supposed to read 1984. That's the what, that's how bad the world's gotten. I got to read. Oh, yeah. GD Vince, what's going on? Ah, I don't know, but I got my way pregnant again. Oh, okay. Ousha said you have to find the right time. You have to ensure the mood is right. You have to, uh, let me look at a picture of Trump. You have to, you know, wear plaid like a couch. RFK Jr. claims Trump has highest testosterone levels ever. Quote, it just doesn't taste like normal sperm. Oh, okay. All right. Bad bunny. Deeper complaining, of course, Super Bowl's coming up February 8th. Bad bunny headlines, Apple music, Super Bowl halftime show at Levi Stadium in Santa Clara, California. A radar online report claims he plans to wear provocative dress on our culture rebellion. Oh, oh, God, not a dress. Get the guns. We got to fight dresses. Conservatives

23:38like Senator Ted Cruz in President Trump called the performers a terrible choice, which includes Green Day, the one a man American idiot. He's like, I, I do not like these guys. Quote, I'm anti them. Green Day and bad bunny. I'm anti them. I think it's a terrible choice. All it does is so hatred, terrible. That they're the ones. A guy wearing a dress saying, hey, everybody's included in a condense with me. It's cool. And Green Day telling you awake to fuck up. Remember what it was like, remember what punk rock stood for? Terrible. Terrible. That's hate. They want hatred. I don't know why people want hatred nowadays. We now know, of course, the Super Bowl contestants. We got the Patriots at 17 and three and the Seahawks at 16 and three. Seahawks and Patriots, New England and Seattle. And of course, I got to go with Seattle Seahawks. The number one reason being Pittsburgh, my team and New England both have six Super Bowl wins over all the years.

24:40It means nothing kind of silly, right? But it's fun to hold on to. I do not want Patriots to have more Super Bowls than the Steelers. That's simple. Also, I've been in Maui more than once seeing football on a Sunday. They are five hours ahead of us, isn't it? Why? That means in the Eastern time, 1pm game is 8am over there. And I'll tell you what, it's a fucking party. They get fucking crazy at 8 in the morning. You feel like you're breaking all the rules when you visit. I like that attitude. That's fun. Go Seahawks. Patriots over Broncos, 10 to 7. Broncos had a, they're filling quarterback. The other dude broke an ankle. Got a touchdown right away. Then they can go for a field. Go. He goes for touchdown blows at interception. Go for your fuck. Go for the points. Go for the fucking points. These guys are good. Same thing. Rams and Seahawks. Seahawks beat their LA Rams. Same thing.

25:40Seahawks Rams, 31 to 27. As fourth and forward, the Rams could have went for a field go. They went for a touchdown. Ups, turnover, you fucked up. Of course, the third of coaches are being fired. Fucking idiots. But again, Seattle Seahawks gets the New England Patriots. And I put a picture of what it would look like the two of them fighting. I think a Seahawk can take them. Just keep swooping down to a revolutionary Patriot. Fly away, swoop back down. That's how they got to play. Mike McCarthy is the new Steelers head coach. Tom, like I reported, is gone? Mike McCarthy is in. Who is Mike McCarthy, you say? Right? He's another Mike Tomman. He's the white Mike Tomman. He's okay. He's all right. He was the Dallas Cowboys coach before that Green Bay Packers before that a couple other teams. He did win a Super Bowl. This was back in 2011. It happened to be with Aaron Rodgers. Does this mean Aaron Rodgers is

26:42not going to leave Pittsburgh now? Mike McCarthy and Aaron Rodgers, I see have a complex largely successful but ultimately strained relationship during their 13 years together in Green Bay. While they want a Super Bowl and produce top-tier offense, tensions grew over play calling, which reports suggesting a rocky ugly rapport in their final years. Reports indicated that McCarthy preferred Alex Smith over Rodgers in the 2005 draft. Well, you keep that a secret. Toward the end of the tenure, reports highlighted that Rodgers would frequently disregard or change McCarthy's plays. Oh my god. Rodgers later stated that time helped heal the relationship, expressing gratitude for Rodgers is not a team player. Rodgers later stated that time helped heal the relationship, expressing gratitude for their time together and dismissing the idea of long-standing deep-seated feud. Yes, we butted heads, but it made a strong connection. Yes, yes. It was a fucking blessing. God damn it. And maybe you're thinking, why do you, why do you, it doesn't seem like this football kit doesn't make any happy? Why do you get involved?

27:45It's, yeah, well, well, my god do. I gotta see some. Someone said, I quit football and I start watching sumo wrestling and do you know what? I enjoy it much more. I'm like, yeah, but I don't know, do they get concussions? I don't know. I don't know how football isn't calming down America's need for violence. It's all right there. When they say they give 110%, 10% is the brain. Other sports aren't allowed to say that. Mike McCarthy got damn it. All right, let's see. Let's see. You know, I know they changed the rules like since I remember that big scandal where a dog played basketball and they're like, a dog can't play but you know, so they fixed that, but I'm really asking, is illegal for a dog to coach a team? The next Super Bowl after this one will be on valentine's day. So if you want to start working on that conversation now, that would be good. All right, let's talk about something less controversial. Okay. The Oscars nominations are out. Warner Brothers

28:47landed the most nominations with 30, including those for sinners and one battle after another, followed by Neon with 18, including the Secret Agent and Sentimental Value. What? And Netflix was 16, including Freck and Stein and Train Dreams. Get out of town. This year, the Oscars added a new category. The first ever since Best Animated was introduced in 2002. This one is recognizing best casting. What? What? They didn't win best actor, but they won best casting. It was a great cast. It's just a blew it. But best rating, but not best picture. The 2026 Oscars hosted by Conan O'Brien for the second year in the row are set to air live on ABC and Hulu. All right, here we go. Best picture. But Gonia, agreed. It's streaming now for free somewhere. You know what I mean by free. Loved it. It's got a weird fucking ending kind of the way the substance did. And you can take her leave that. But the movie in general, I think is so fucking

29:50good. F1. Okay, there's nothing Brad Pitt can't do in this movie. Okay, so I, uh, I've got a board. I'm kind of bored with my life. I haven't been in racing too long. I want you to be on my failing racing team. Fine, I'll do it. I'm going to take this team from last place to first place. I'm going to win the whole fucking race. You did it, Brad Pitt. Thanks. You got it. Goodbye. What do you mean? You're amazing. Stay. Nah, I conquered that. I'm going to go do something else now. I'm a real renaissance man. Goodbye. I'm Brad Pitt. Fuck you. Frankenstein. I don't even Frankenstein that's more handsome than me. I don't like that. Hamnet spelled wrong. Marty Supreme. Haven't seen it yet, but it's eight hours. I look forward to watching that in 18 parts. One battle after another I did see it for a long movie. I wasn't bored. One battle after another is fantastic and I don't just say that because me and the main actors were in the same SNL skit. The secret agent that heard of it, sentiment of value doubt it and sinners. Sinners, of course, was great. Train dreams I fell

30:54asleep during. So who knows? Maybe they're right. Best director. Hamnet. Marty Supreme. One battle after another sentiment of value and sinners. Best animated feature. Oh, I don't know. I can't guess. Arco, Elio, Little Emily or the character of Rain, Zootopia 2 or or hey, it's anybody's guess. K-pop demon hunters. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I think everybody should show up because you never know where it's going to go. If these K-pop demon hunters don't have an acceptance speech ready. Come on. Give me your mark. Best casting. Hamnet. Marty Supreme. One battle after another the secret agent and sinners. What? Okay. So they're all best pictures. Picture you're in best picture, but not best casting. Like the two people in Bagoña. Like we up for best casting. No, no, no, no. Your casting was fine. You did a good job. You did a good job. But casting,

31:57yeah. You know, best sound. I'll play some samples here. Best sound. This is F1. Frankenstein. I think you're pretty. One battle after another. C enters and serrate. S-I-R-A-T with the line over the A. I'm just guessing. Best visual effects. This is the one for regular people. We're like, oh, these ones I know. This is like the dummy's award. Best visual effects. Avert our fire Fire and ash and sure the bird was flying. Yeah, why not? F1, all this cars probably didn't explode. All right, Jurassic World rebirth. I'm like, that's what a big dinosaur would look like. Okay. The lost bus, he wasn't really going through fire. It turns out, the fire's hard to draw.

32:58You ever noticed that? So, all right. I was like, sometimes I was like, I bet they're really in fire. I was thinking that. Sinners, they had to put teeth in their mouth and stuff. Okay. I don't know. Sinners, he's twins. He plays a twin. Michael B. Jordan. But it's really unnecessary. Why not just get another guy? For no reason, he played himself. All right. I guess that's an award sure. The razzies come out when the Oscars come out. These are the worst in movies. And sometimes the recipients show up. Again, these are just the nominees. We'll find out the answers on Oscar day. That's March 15th, by the way. Those pictures of the year, the electric state. This is with 11 from Stranger Things and Chris Pratt. I couldn't finish it. It's really unfuck and watchable. And what's funny to me, movies like this, that I have a brother that goes, did you see this?

33:58This is great. I'm like, I'm not watching this bullshit. It's like, what? Why wouldn't you? I'm like, I could just tell. How can you tell? I don't know. I know it sounds like I'm saying he's dumb. But there's no fucking way I'm watching their Santa. I thought this would be up here. Well, it's then you don't know me. Well, I don't see why you did. He recommended Bride Hard. You know what's Bride Hard? Like, well, no. I wouldn't watch it because it's called Bride Hard. Well, you don't know if you don't watch. I don't know. And I don't want to watch it. How do you know Trump's an asshole if you don't sit him down and talk to him? Trust me. Bride Hard isn't going to be any fucking good. And then the razzies come out and I always send this list to my brother and I go, look at that. Every movie that I happen to say, I never get a response during that time. The electric state, unwatchable, hurry up tomorrow and see Disney Snow White and see Star Trek Section 31, I did say, pretty fucking stupid, and war the world you know I did say. And oh my god, this movie, War the World is like, let's say it's an hour and a half.

35:03It only took an hour to make. Worst actor. That's a bummer. Worst actor Dave Batista in the Lost Lands, Ice Cube, War the World, Scott Eastwood, Allerium, Jared Leto, Tron Eries, Abel Tessfeier, hurry up tomorrow. Worst actress, Ariana DeBeau's Love Hurtz, Mia Jolevich in the Lost Lands, Natalie Portman, Fountain of Youth, Rebel Wilson, Bride Hard, Michelle Yo, Star Trek Section 31. Worst remake, rip off sequel. I know what you did last summer, Five Nights at Freddy's Two, Smurfs, Snow White, War the Worlds. I'm proud to say I didn't see any of those except for War the Worlds, I feel good. Worst screen combo, all seven dwarfs, Snow White. James Corden and Rihanna in Smurfs, Ice Cube and his Zoom camera, War of the Worlds. Robert Tanero and Robert Tanero as Frank and Vito in the Alto Nights, there was no reason

36:04he had to play two characters, Robert Tanero in this movie. No fucking reason. In fact, it did get confusing. Fuck that movie. The weekend and his colossal ego, hurry up tomorrow. Worst director, the directors of War the World, Star Trek Section 31, the electric state hurry up tomorrow and Snow White. Worst screenplay, electric state hurry up tomorrow, Snow White, Star Trek Section 31 and War the Worlds. Alright, just like the Oscars, it's like they only made five movies this year. Alright, I started thinking about this, by the way. Like I didn't see movie, I wasn't allowed to see movies until I was 18, until I moved out of the house. And then, almost like being denied an alcohol when you're younger, you're just gobbling it up like Pac-Man and now I see every movie ever made. I'm very surprised, I didn't see some of these razzi winners, I'm very proud of myself. But now I see it all. And I'm wondering if I wasn't allowed to see movies as a kid, because that's where my

37:06dad got his bullshit wisdom from. Now, guarantee I'm your father, not your friend, isn't from a parenting book, it's from some old western he saw. All these little sayings that he acts like he invented were taken from movies. If you saw the movie, a dream on, where the kid was a latchkey kid, grows up as an adult and everything he relates to an old TV show, this is my dad in movies. And he didn't want to watch us see these movies so that we didn't know when we were kids and my dad would get mad at us if we'd have some argument back and forth, he would give up and quit and say, your feeble mind couldn't even begin to comprehend word for word. Your feeble mind couldn't even begin to comprehend. And then a listener, Pam said, hey, I'm watching an old horror movie, the bad guy is trying to take over the world, he says it and sent me a clip. And it was just like that word for word with the inflection, oh my god, dad. That's why we weren't allowed to watch movies.

38:06It wasn't like they'd be too dark or anti-religious or anything. It was so we didn't find out where he got his bullshit from. When we were a kid, if we caught him cursing, this isn't a great American novel. Keithmangirl.com slash TGAN, 599 by the way, I just want you to have it. Anyway, I mentioned that if my dad got caught cursing, like he hammered nail and hit his thumb, he's a human being. He just acts like he's better than everybody. So he'll curse, understandably, but then try to hide it so he'd hit his thumb and be like, ah shit, skippable, shit, skippable. And then we're acting like it's a big deal because he acts like it's a big deal. And we're like, dad, did you just curse and he says, no, really? Did you just say, I said, shit, skippable. It's not even a real word. I just said a made-up word, shit, skippable, like, okay, all right. You think you got us? Okay. A listener sent me a picture of a store in their neighborhood called Ishka Bibles. One word, Ishka Bibles, and it has the kind of like a dunt tap, but it's one with the

39:11propeller on top. That's on the word, ISH. And he goes, oh, did you dad open a store? So I googled Ishka Bibles just to see what's up. It's named after after an old comedian called Ishka Bibles, ISH, second word, K-A-B-I-B-B-E-L-E. I guess he thought it was funny this comedian, Ishka Bibles. Ishka Bibles was born in 1908, died in 1994. He was born in Northeast Pennsylvania. He was an American comedian and a Cornette player. This is where my dad got shitski bibles from. Now, not the biggest though in and of its own, but you added to everything else that was made up. And you couldn't just say, like, uh, funny, you know, you're into comedy, and this was a comedian. My day named Ishka Bibles, funny, funny name. No, you were the act like it's a made up word. It's not even a made up word.

40:12Then at that same brother would be like, he said it was a made up word. He didn't say he made it up. This is why ice is getting away with shit. I was saying about the story the other day. My dad said, tried to zinc me and he was, hey, whatever app the dog you had was a kid. Like, somehow he's convinced a straight dog that I loved. I'm the only one that took care of this dog. So for some reason, I beat the dog up with rocks. No idea why I would say that. I'm like, does that mean he wants beat up a dog with rocks? Like this makes no fucking sense. Listener Blue Nova brings up a point. My first thought hearing the dad's story about the dog and Keith was interesting how the dad knew his son murdered a dog and didn't punish him in any way or try to make sure Keith knew it was bad and to never do it again. He felt the need to correct his kids over making jokes at the cat. That's true. That was one of my dad's, uh, one of my dad's rules. It's in the great American novel. These rules are my dad's, but we also went over it a fun way to hear it is episode three thousand seventy three called shoeology was surely Egar formerly of the Howard Stern show, but we talked about how we were both raised and, uh,

41:14mind shocked them. But yeah, we put it in the book as a list of rules. And one of the rules was we may not mock the cat. We had a straight cat also. And sometimes I thought it was hilarious to say in front of my siblings, I'm doing it for their attention. I go, Hey, look at that cat. Hey cat, we're going to go bowling. You want to come with us? Sorry, you can't. You can't bowl your cat. And my dad overheard it once and said, do not mock the cat in its presence. Okay. Can we do it downstairs alone? That the cat can't bowl. Uh, Blue Nova continues. But Rod and Keith, unless we're going to Keith, my girl talked about his dad probably becoming a priest to flee people that he scammed. You know what? Keith said, tell him murder the dog by throwing rocks at it. He hid the evidence by digging a perfectly circular hole and buried it. He needed to then flee, became a priest to hide, scammed a woman to become his wife and then had kids that he trained to dig perfect holes as well. That's right. Three, three by three holes, perfectly circular and a ruler allowed when you

42:16fucked up, which you did, of course, because you didn't have a ruler. You got to do it again. Oh, shit, ski bible. All right. Let's go over our topics. The winter storm, not that bad. Here's a news anchor, though, preparing you for it. And then just your reports that you've been sending in, keep those coming. I made the mistake on Facebook. I asked for your measurements. I met your show measurements. Thank you for everybody sending in your measurements. But I do for sure how much snow you have on the ground. Three to six inches through the bedroom to the south. Oh my goodness. I asked for your measurements. I'm sorry. Well, it's specific. I meant snow measurements. Well, maybe that's why the storm wasn't as bad as they were reporting because people are calling in line about their measurements featured on SNL by the great Mikey Day of the Great Is it cake TV show? It made my day, made the beginning of my week. I loved it. Very fun. But not the worst idea to try it, to try it. Everything was tried to be eaten. You know, you see how they make food? That's all different.

43:17Who the fuck knows? Keith and the girl calm slash awards. Take a look at that. Very fun stuff over 22 years. I'm on news. He's bookshelf male nurse got shot by ice. He worked of all things for veterans affairs. He was a nurse at an ICU center. Okay. This is what I voted for. Sorry. These guys are literally photoshopping arrests and lying about video that you saw. That money might wear a dress. Can America recover? We'll see. The Super Bowl is coming up. It's the eighth. I will take the Seahawks over the Patriots. They are the best of the fucking best. That's fun to see if your team's not in it. So here we go. Mike McCarthy, new head coach. Maybe we don't go. We'll see what happens. The Oscars are out. One battle after another is the top nominee with 13 Oscars.

44:17Followed by Frankenstein, Marty Suprem, and sentimental value with 9 a piece. And the big news we learned is a movie called sentimental value. Ham knit is still spell drawing, but that's what you do in today's world. Just act like nothing's a mistake. Worst pictures, the electric state, hurry up tomorrow, Disney Snow White, Star Trek Section 31, and war the worlds. Ice Cube, man. Ice is really fucking destroying this planet. And of course, the rest of the piece is the great Ishka Mibble. He must have been rolling in your grave for decades. My apologies. My apologies. Now we know the truth. Shout out. So KeithAndTheGrow.com slash awards. Take a look at what's doing there. If you haven't, very exciting. Some of the greatest things over the years, including some of your favorite favorite guests. And of course, KeithAndTheGrow.com slash dad book. The time that I catfished my dad for a year, pretending as my ex-wife that he was hitting on. All right. And you'll see a link to the great American novel there too. That's everything for now. And we'll talk to you soon.

45:18You went to this space where people were reenactors. Wars. I don't understand these people. I try so hard to understand these people. I don't want to, you know, if that's your fun. You don't want to reenactments, Shane. Sure. But if that's your fun, that's your fun. But in my head, I'm like, no actual, like sure, play cops and robbers. Yeah. Like make it up, play war. But to reenact where we go in or they come into a country and we hate the people that look like this and act like this. And we destroy them. Let's put on that outfit and recreate that. Oh, yeah. It was a holy, it was in Chicago. It was at this resort hotel they had me at. And then a tire floor was worn from way back from the 1200th. They got to pick. Yeah. All different outfits. Oh, they're old and elaborate outfits. And my favorite part about it is Nazi officers were running over to me and going, oh, can, can we do a selfie?

46:21It's an honor. And I remember why looking at them say, you know, we've had the Nazis all wrong. They were really a swell group of guys who just gotten some bad prayer. I like, I like the one guy who obviously wanted to come up to you. And you, God, you have such a good sense of humor about this. You're laughing in their face because it's so ridiculous. You're laughing at this guy. He obviously wants to approach you and say something nice to you. And he goes, I'm kind of like a little kid. He's looking at his feet. Well, now I'm kind of embarrassed by my outfit. Right. I just realized I'm a Nazi. Yeah. And I said to him, it, no, it's precious. It fits well. Why would you be upset? You should be proud. The swastika is shiny still. But what I enjoyed is that you see this, just to be clear, you're in this hotel room. They ran out some conference space. They have this little museum in reenactment. When it gets crazy is when they go, oh, Gilbert, you're here doing a show.

47:24They go across the street to see Gilbert show in the same outfit. Yes. So my tie in the back row, what the fuck? It was like a sheen out of cabaret. Yeah. And then, oh, and then, oh, my God, then they take a group shot with a bunch of Nazis. And I think other war reenactors. And just when they go, all right, you have beautiful timing, he hears the click, raises his hand in the air. And the sick Kyle. Yes. And click. That's when the photo gets taken. And the funny part about it is, even the Nazi officers had too much taste to throw his right. I guess it's him. How come he could say the N word but not yeah, yeah, yeah, it was, it was crazy. And Henry's right about these reenactors because it is, it is, it is odd. They're like, who's reenacting all the part of the Nazis? I'll be a Nazi. I mean, you need some, right?

48:25Oh, can I be a Nazi? Can I be the one with the striped outfit and the numbers on my arm? Can I, can I, can I have a reason they did you? What's my motivation? I'm kidding. I know. I know. We all know. Then at one of the shows, he, Gilbert's talking to one of the Nazis, his Nazi friend is outside waiting, waiting for his buddy to come down with the baton and tapping it on his hand just bored as if he's pacing. It was so natural to him. It was so natural. He misses. And then the documentary that Nazi officer wants to talk to me says, I got a joke for you. Yeah. Michael Jackson. I thought this, this is an outer space. Wow. And it's a, it's a terrible joke. And so how did Michael Jackson get caught? He had crayon on his collar. I don't know. What is that? Oh, because, oh my god. So what? They don't put the crayon on their lips. And so Gilbert says, that's not the worst thing Nazis did.

49:28That's terrible, Michael Jackson joke. Okay. And Gilbert does his seek how joke that that's not the, that couldn't be the first thing Hitler came up with. Yeah. He had to have other ideas like, you know, we are the master race. Ta-da! All right. Two hands, jazz hands. That doesn't work. What else we got? All right. Lost the crowd with that. Damn.