0:00Episode 3,944 love them more than it hurts. Moms, it's time to rediscover, rejuvenate, and renew who you are in mind, body, and spirit. Welcome to Create Your Now, Your Best Selfie, the show that help you do just that. Here's your host, Certified Life Coach, Personal Trainer, and Nutritionist, Christian Wardo. Happy Epidae, I hope you're having a fabulous end to a beautiful week. It's Friday! That means it's time to raise the roof. You need to get excited because guess what? The weekends around the corner. Yes, it is. But first, we've got to talk about parenting. Love them more than it hurts. For those of you who are brand new to Create Your Now, welcome to this incredible family. I'm so delighted for your presence. If you already even had the opportunity, you want to head on over to CreateYourNow.com, where you can learn more and sign up for the Kisses newsletter. To keep it simple strategy, everyday solutions, to live, love, and impact. With this episode, it's brought to you by AIM, Inspiring Connection, and Community.

1:03So I've got this heart-stopping question, like seriously. Why do our children challenge us so much that it strangles our hearts? Why is that? I mean, you can be in a moment and you're like, why did you just do that? I was like, you just severed me, right? I mean, you feel it's like, there goes all of your blood and you're like, really? I know, maybe a little bit dramatic, but seriously, raising kids is tough on parents who cares about how the kids feel. We're sitting here, the ones that are hurting more, right? Yet, we actually deeply care about our kiddos. However, it's during these difficult times that we learn to love them more than it hurts. Because raising kids, it's just plain brutal. It's not fair. It takes us on an emotional roller coaster. It takes us to deep, dark, nooks, and crannies, and alleys that we never wanted to be in. Yet, on the surface, it might seem like,

2:04well, parents should just lay down the rules, set the boundaries and move on. No big deal. But if it were that simple, parenting wouldn't tear us up so deeply. And in fact, in my opinion, we'd have more parents in the world. So why is it? Let's think about this for a moment. Why do our kids challenge us in ways that strangle our hearts? What do you think? What are you wrestling with right now with your own kiddos? I don't care the ages. You can have a two-month-old, a two-year-old, a 22-year-old, or a 47-year-old. Notice how to change the two there for a minute. Just check it if you're listening. It's all because we care fiercely. We don't just care. We don't just love them. No, it's like, mama bear style, right? We want the best for our children, but they don't always see it that way, or they don't want to see it that way in the moment, all right? They may respond with a shrug or an eye roll, or that glazed-over stare that screams, you don't get me. You don't get me, mom. In fact, you don't know me. I'm not there. Talk to the hand.

3:09All right? Have you ever had that teenage or tween experience? Do they even call them tweens now? I don't know. Okay, that's for another episode. But when we're trying to communicate here, right, it's critical to their well-being and growth of, look, look, we love you, and we do see you, but when you do all this to us, what does that do? That rejection crashes us hard. I mean, it's like, we run into brick walls after brick walls after brick walls. It stops us in our tracks. We feel that gut punch, right? I'm almost choking right now, thinking about it, because I get all riled up about it. And already, you get this deep lump in your throat, and you find yourself going, I can't even swallow those. I could get stuck. Have you ever had that feeling? I'm sure you have. If you're a parent, you've had that feeling, that sinking ache, and almost physical pain, like a heart is breaking or being ripped away from us.

4:15But that's the paradox. Honestly, we love so deeply that it hurts. And it's within this pain that real love reveals itself. It's almost as if we have to go through all the stuff to truly understand and conditional love, to truly understand how our Heavenly Father loves us here. And we're supposed to bring that to our children. Now, we don't just want to get through the day with minimal drama, right? We want our kids to become strong, resilient people who thrive in life. We want them to go out and impact the world that they touch just as you have been called to to, but that often means standing firm through storms of frustration or rebellion. Let's go back to the tweens and teens, right? You thought the terrible twos were bad. And then wait till they move out and then they're like, they want to test their boundaries. When our kids wrestle with their own battles, maybe it's identity or independence, just flat out making mistakes. Why? Because of inexperience, their kids were right there,

5:18heart exposed, fearing and hoping all at once. Though the breakthrough is when we learn to love them more than it hurts, what we're doing isn't just enduring pain. We're transforming them. We think about that. You're transforming your child. You have an incredible influence over them. To instead of reacting and fearing anxiety, we hold steady. We listen. We choose patience. We remind ourselves that those high roles and how many of you had, you probably can count way over thousands, right? Maybe tens of thousands. Oh, I had two girls. We won't even go to how many they might be listening. But seriously, right? We remind ourselves that those high roles are just all a part of their growth. It's not a rejection of our love. But if we're honest, come on, hear me out. It's confession day. You got to let it all hang out. We take it as a rejection.

6:21And we go and talk to our girlfriends about it or to our buddies about it. And we're like, can you believe this? Fill in the blank and you share the story. Who knew parenthood could break your heart over and over and over again, yet you're still breathing? Somewhere along the way, society paints parents as unbreakable, invincible. They're the heroes of all heroes. The ones who must always have it all together. But real parents know the truth. Right? You know the truth. You're vulnerable. You feel deeply and yes, your heart leads. And that's why we must love them more than it hurts. That is your kiss to keep it simple strategy. Love them more than it hurts. Because if we don't, what happens? And all honesty, we've given up on them. And how should that make us feel? Now, obviously, for the kiddo, they might think in a moment, depending upon what stage of life they're in, yes, great.

7:25My mom doesn't care. It's awesome. My life rocks until they need their mom. And then they're like, gosh, I wish my mom would be back. I know I didn't like it when she yelled at me, but at least she was back. So how do you actually love your kids more than it hurts? Well, I want to give you three ways to really hit it hard in real life when it comes to loving them more than it hurts. Because quite frankly, as I get older, it really is harder. I'm traveling right now, which I shared with you. I'm at a wonderful, wonderful convention. I've spent some time with my mastermind. And then now I'm at a conference. Imagine this a podcasting conference. Yes, I know. Well, that's why we daily podcast, right? Because you need me in your ear. Okay, maybe you don't need me, but you get me in your ear, assuming that you do press play and subscribe, which by the way, thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Can you believe

8:27we are like now 11 episodes away? I believe from hitting 4,000 episodes. Now the numbers won't show it because we had a period of time where I did not number every episode. I used other coding for our videos. And so we have about, I don't know, 47 out there, close to 50. That are not numbered sequentially. So that's why there's a mishap because you're like, Christian, can you count? Yes, I can count. I'm just saying. But anyway, thank you. Truly, thank you from the bottom of my heart from subscribing to reviewing and just sharing and saying, you know what, you got to listen to this crazy lady. But as you know, this crazy lady loves you like family. I pray for you. God knows where you are. And when our kiddos need us most, we've got to be strong for them. But we also have to face the fact that we've got to learn ourselves as parents. How do we love our babies more than it hurts because I don't know about you. But for me, there are times that I've

9:33set back in situations going, I don't know how I'm going to get through this. I mean, I know I can talk a lot, right? I can't. I'm here every day for you. I write a lot of words every single day. I feel like I produce about a book every week and I do with all the content that, you know, we produce here and the TV shows and all of that jazz. And now writing a book and multiple books actually, but that's for another episode too. But in looking at all of that, there are times that I'm like, I just don't know. Like I can't shake this, this hurt. It's a different pain. It's not a pain that you feel like you have a muscle ache, right? It goes much deeper. And it reaches within your spirit and soul that says, I don't know if I can breathe. But I'm here to remind you, you can. I've been through some devastating things with my kiddos throughout their years of life. And I have a few of them. I won't share all of their stories. You'll hear stories over time. Of course,

10:39as I've continued to share here with you all because I truly believe, right? My strength is my story. Your strength is your story. And we can learn from the stories and our kiddos are telling us stories. But if we're not careful as parents to understand how we can love them more than it hurts us, like us, like that heart of like, I can't breathe anymore. You've ripped the heart out of me. I mean, I've had a few of those moments where you gasp and you don't know if you're going to come up for air. And it's not even a drowning effect. It's like I'm being suffocated. The love is so deep and the pain is so real. How do you rise above that? How do you love your kids more? Number one, face the hurt without running from it. The emotional pain is real. And you know it is. And guess what? It's okay. Don't let yourself bury or ignore those feelings. Acknowledge the ache of watching your child struggle or push away. Whatever it is,

11:46it's a sign that you're deeply invested and you should be as a parent. And that investment is the soil in which love grows. You know that when I was writing that down, it just was kind of flowing out of me. Sometimes I hit these moments. I'm like, well, wait, that was not a me moment. That was a God moment. And I'm like, yeah, it's a sign you're deeply invested. And that investment is a soil in which love grows. The ache is real, but the growth is too. And you need one in order to create the other. So face the hurt without running from it. Number two, anchor yourself to what matters long term. It's easy for us to live in the moment or very short term. And when I say short term, I'm talking like less than six weeks. Okay, short term. But we have to look at long term. We have to look at stages plural of life. So when your child's behavior triggers your heart,

12:52remind yourself of the bigger picture, right? Some people you've heard the saying that 30,000 foot view, well, this moment is not the whole story, right? Because you're in that moment. Now, you need to be present for that moment. You know this. But you see this moment, it's not the whole story because it's a single thread in the tapestry of their growth. So keep your eyes on their potential, who they are now yet, who they are becoming and not just their defiance. It's very hard for us as parents to separate a child who is learning and experimenting in life. And I'm not saying experimenting is going out with the bad deals like, you know, your drugs and alcohol. That's not the experimenting. I'm talking about experimenting is going, I'm going to try to push the boundaries. I'm going to act the way I want to act. I don't want to do this. So I'm just not going to do it because I can't. And it doesn't matter the age, right? A two-year-old is being defiant as much as a 22-year-old. And if that 22-year-old is living underneath your roof,

13:59you still set the rules. You still set the boundaries. That's my opinion, right? I'm not telling you how to run your household. I'm giving you suggestions. And then take an honest look at it. Is this working? But you've got to look long term. And that means you've got to say, okay, this is a brief moment in their entire life. So I can get bent all out of shape and go ballistic, or I can be reasonable. Do what needs to be done at that moment, knowing that there's a bigger picture, right? So keep your eyes on their potential, not just their defiance. Because you don't want to get stuck just in negativity. Because if so, maybe you should have rethought the whole thing about becoming a parent. But that too is for another episode. Number three, choose action over reaction. Loving more than it hurts means moving beyond your immediate feelings to intentional grounded choices. You've heard me say, ground your feet, right? I really believe in

15:05going, okay, take a moment. And you don't want to be making decisions in a reaction type manner. Okay, so there have been times for me that I have said, mommy's in time out. Unless there's blood or flood, do not come find me. And the kids knew if mommy's in time out, you do not go talk to mommy unless it's literally an emergency. Okay. We have got to be a sound mind when we do this. And if we're all over the place, if we're failing, if we're angry, there's a lot of people out there that are angry, angry about the world, angry about the way they were parented, right? The way they were raised as kids, yet they don't even know it. There's just so much frustration. Maybe it's politics, maybe it's, I didn't get my job. Maybe it's, I want to do things my way. Maybe it's, I'm lazy. And I don't want to do the work. And I'm still being told I have to do the work. Whatever it is, right? Maybe you had a fight with your spouse. But in that moment, you can't sit here and react

16:12to everything based on what's happened in your world, not your child's world. There's a difference. So choose action or reaction. Loving more than it hurts means moving beyond your immediate feelings to those intentional grounded choices. That means you are making a conscious decision, not one that just kind of flies out of your mouth. Those are called reactions. So if you're one who says, well, gosh, I really used to have an anger temperament. And I was quick to be frustrated and mad and angry. Okay, so if you know that about yourself, it's important for you that when there is a razor blood pressure moment, you need to pause. And that pause comes with a very, very deep cleansing breath. And that's not to help your blood pressure. That's help to ground yourself to say,

17:13oh, okay, wait a minute. Okay, now, now what do I do? That pause is humongous in how you react versus taking aim and having a chosen action. See the difference? So you got to listen more. Speak with clarity and calm. I will never forget this. I was talking to one of my kiddos and they said, mom, you know what? I said, what? You know what happened that one time, I don't remember the situation. And she was like, okay, well, I just got to say, you really freaked me out. I was like, how did I freak you out? She said, it didn't yell. It didn't get mad. You were as calm as anything. She said, I know this is the end. And I just, I kind of giggled a little bit. And of course, she was older as far away from the situation. You know, it wasn't like it just happened yesterday

18:17or whatever. And she was just remembering this. And she goes, you know, it was just something about that if mom was calm, if mom didn't react, if she wasn't mad, if she didn't just yell, go to your room. It was like, oh, no, something drastic is going to happen. And I don't want to be here when it does. And for us, we kind of giggle about it like, oh, well, I think it'd be worse to be yelled at. Not for them. Why? Because now you're calculated. Now you're thinking. They don't have you on their edge. You have them on your edge. So listen more. Speak with clarity and calm. Set those boundaries that protect both your child and yourself, even when it's hard. And let me tell you this, right? You got to understand, you're raising kids now. But when they grow up and you become empty nesters and they begin to go branch off and have their families as their families grow,

19:17guess what? You get to have influence over another generation. And so you got to start making some wise choices here. So when that next generation calls your grandbabies or your great-grandbabies come along, you will have the influence that literally rolls off your tongue and you're better for it. Because why? Yeah, everybody says it because you practice on your own children to a degree, yes, but don't have to look it at that way. You can make decisions now that impact your children. Now regardless of their age, trust me. I've lived it. I'm doing it. I see it. So your study leadership is a space where trust grows. Love and trust goes hand and hand. So letting your heart bleed for your children, yeah, it might feel like pain now. But it is one

20:20of the purest forms of love. The hurt sharpens your empathy. It fuels your courage and slows you down enough to really hear what your child needs. The sting of their resistance, though painful, right? Because it hurts. Is the crucible where your love is tested and strengthened? As you know, mama, parenting is not easy. It's brutal, messy, heartbreaking. Yet it's beautiful all at once. It is. It's just a ray of sunshine. You know, whether it's the sunrise or the sunset, it is magnificence. But when you learn to love your children more than it hurts, you give them something far beyond discipline or advice. You give them unwavering love that withstands the storms. Love that will carry them and you through every challenge life throws your way. Go in peace.

21:22Be present. Be incredible. Be you. I love you so very much. I cannot wait to see you on the other side, blessing tags and lots and lots of love. We'll talk to you real soon. Have a glorious blessed weekend. Oh, and don't forget the great football games. We'll talk to you soon. Love you. Bye. Feeling inspired and ready to train for life and love your journey, visit createyournow.com for more incredible resources to help you along the way. We'll see you next time on Create Your Now, Your Best Selfie. And remember, always be sure you consult your physician before beginning any health and fitness plans.