0:00of episode 3937, put the parent back in parenting. Mom's, it's time to rediscover, rejuvenate, and renew whom you are in mind body and spirit. Welcome to Create Your Now, Your Best Selfie, the show that help you do just that. Here's your host, Certified Life Coach, personal trainer, and nutritionist, Christian Warno. Happy day, it's Friday, so it's time to do the happy dance. Come on, I know you want to do it? Because guess what? You get some freedom. Yes, you do. Come on, it's a first. Okay, technically it's not the first full weekend because we already had it last weekend, but come on, it's a second full weekend of the new year, and we're talking about, oh, the family, yes, we are, put the parent back in parenting. For those of you who are brand new to Create Your Now, welcome to this incredible family. I'm so delighted to be present. If you already even had the opportunity, you'll want to head on over to CreatureNow.com where you can learn more and sign up for the Kisses newsletter to keep its simple strategy for everyday solutions to live, love, and impact

1:02with this episode of Brought to you by AIM, Inspiring Connection and Community. So how has your week gone so far? Okay, I know, we got the weekend right, you're thinking, it's going to get better, it's going to get better. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. Maybe you're just going to enjoy some good football. Oh, I'm ready for it. I'll come on, bring it on. I'm excited, except too. I'm kind of sad. Why? Because it means it's coming to an end. And then I have to figure out something else. Oh, well, I guess it's golf and tennis and whatever else I find myself, right? We've got the Australian open coming up. So, you know, mark your calendars. There's so many things. You got hockey, right? Basketball, March madness will be around the corner. I mean, can you imagine thinking about March madness? All right. Okay, take a deep breath. We are too far ahead of us. And that's usually what happens, right? As parents, we like think too far ahead. And sometimes we forget the most important part, the present, where we are right now. And I don't know where you're challenged right now in parenting. You know, it depends on

2:03where you are in the stage of life with your children. You know, if you've got young ones, oh my goodness, you're in for a long haul. You just are. Hang on tight. It's a roller coaster. But then as a kid's age, you got other roller coasters to jump on. And sometimes they're not as easy. In fact, sometimes they get harder than when they were young. When you think, oh gosh, I just wish they would be babies again. Yeah, sometimes it was easier when they were babies because you could put them somewhere and they would stay where they are. But now, a way they've got two legs and they're officially an adult or whatever. They can make their own decisions, which means comes with their own mistakes. And you have to just sit back and be like, okay, I don't know that I agree with that, right? Parenting's hard. And unfortunately, too many of us are caught chasing the mirage of being friends with their kids, seeking approval and this camaraderie instead of stepping fully into their role as parents. Do you know one of those? Maybe you were one of those. At some point, maybe you are one of those right now. But let's be honest, parenting isn't about

3:04winning a popularity contest. I do think a lot of people fall into that category, unfortunately. But parenting is about showing up as the adults who love fiercely, who set firm boundaries and deliver discipline that actually sticks. You want your discipline to be sticky, right? Because then it really does matter in the long run. And if you want your children to thrive and leave a lasting impact on the world, you must put the parent back in parenting. Because friendship with your kids can seem like an easy, feel good shortcut. But I'm here to tell you, it's a trap. It is a trap. And I know you don't want to hear that on the weekend. You're like, Christina, I don't want to be mean this weekend. No, I get it. But when parents try to be friends, they soften the rules, right? They dilute the consequences and they avoid hard conversations on the name of what, keeping the peace. The problem, though, kids crave guidance and structure. Did you hear me?

4:07They need it. They want it. They won't tell you. But they actually do need it. Left without clear leadership, they'll wrestle to find footing in a world that demands accountability and grit. Where do you fall? Do you think right now as a parent? Maybe sometimes you're lenient and maybe other times you're just this fierce monster. I mean, where is the happy medium? The core duty of a parent is crystal clear. Love your children unconditionally. Hold them accountable with clear boundaries and discipline with intention so lessons don't fade with time. That discipline isn't punishment. It's training for life. And I think there's a lot right there packaged hard and heavy. And I know for me, as my children now are all officially adults and now we have grandbabies, it's important to look at what are you doing in their next stages of life. How does it look? Because you're always a parent. Now, you can have conversations that sound more like friendship,

5:14but ultimately you're still the mama. You're still the dad. And you may not want that, but you still are. But at the same time, you have to be willing to put on that friendship hat. You have to be willing to say, you know what? I'm going to draw the line here because I don't feel comfortable. And I didn't raise you to be that way. And so that's how you're going to go about. Then I've got to step back and I can't do this. But I think it's important, no matter what stage of life your kiddos are in. Discipline isn't punishment, right? It's training for life. And if you keep looking at it like, I'm going to get you, then there's more of an issue with yourself than it is with your kids. I'm going to table that discussion for now because we'll be here forever because there's so many things that go into that. But I do want you to really think about it, okay? Because I know we don't, we really don't want to think about how we

6:15parent, but it's important. You know, how do you reclaim your role as a parent? Maybe you're trying to figure out how to get back to the basics. Well, it isn't complicated, but it does demand that parents get honest about where their attention is and how they engage with their kids. What are you doing? Maybe you need to put the phone down and look up. Huh, what a concept, right? You can't parent well if your eyes and mind are glued to a screen. And a lot of us, they just are. Make a conscious effort to unplug when you're around your children. I don't care what age it is. Now, if they're on their phone, that's a different conversation. Don't you be on yours? See what they're doing. Notice how their mood shifts. Recognize their daily battles. Presence is the foundation of influence. And believe it or not, it doesn't matter what stage of life your kiddos are in. You have influence over them. Your attitude, the way you show up, your text messages, the way you come across your tone of voice, your looks. Yeah, believe it or not, my kids would tell

7:19you right now that I can still kill them from afar with my eyes. It's like they know. Like, don't say it. Moms got me with their eyes. I've done that from the very beginning of their life. And they still know I could do it to this day. Now, I'm not saying it's mean or anything, but it's great that they notice that, right? But you can't be noticed in what you're doing if you're not noticing them first. Presence is key, right? Make that the foundation of your influence. What about reclaiming the dinner table? What would that look like? Do you even have dinner together anymore? Now, I know it's hard. You know, they have tons of activities. Maybe you've got, you know, kids that come and go even at college. We had kids living with us while they were going to college. Why? Well, it was a great way. You either pay for yourself to live out of the home or you can live with us and save that money and basically move out, you know, debt free.

8:20What sounds better to you? Like, we gave them their choice. If they chose to live outside the home, it was on them. It wasn't on us because we were here and available to them. So, you know, we didn't always have time around the dinner table, but we did always make time for each other. So, maybe dinner for dad came later, but the kids already ate. And so, when dad came home, they were having more of their dessert or snack, but there was still time of breaking food and bread together, right? So, the dinner table is more than just a place to eat. It's a prime spot for connection. Use it to listen, really listen to what your children are telling you about their lives. Resist the urge to interrupt, to correct, or even fill the silence. It's so hard to not say anything, right? But you got to be quiet. Ask a question and then don't say anything. And when you ask those open-ended questions, that invites sharing. And that's what you want them

9:21to be able to do. You want them to feel like you are the most trusted person in their life. And they can come to you with anything. Anything. There's no judgment. There's no shame. You will hear them out. Now, that doesn't mean you'll like what they tell you, right? There'll be circumstances you're like, oh, this is a bad decision. You'll be gritting your teeth, talking like this and going, oh, I'm just going to, you know, you got it, right? But at the same time, when you show them that unconditional love and you give them that space to say, I'm kind of stuck, mom, I don't know why I'm going with this. Then you can open up your arms, which allows them to open up their heart and to hear you differently. So reclaim that dinner table if you haven't already. And maybe you need to ask and don't assume. So, so easy for us to jump to conclusions. And when we jump to those conclusions or put words in our kiddos mouths, it kills trust immediately. It's like,

10:25it's done. So instead, ask and share questions about how they feel and what they think. You're going to have time to speak your mind. I promise you, because mama's always have time to open up their mouths. But a lot of times, it's best if we keep them shut. And then reflect back what you hear to show. You're really paying attention, okay? And also, when you reflect back to them, when you tell them, well, this is what I hear you saying. If they say, well, that's not what I said and say, okay, then tell me again. Don't say, well, no, no, but that's what you said. And this is what it, no, no, no, no, no. That's not a good idea. Let them express themselves again. Because this makes it to where you don't have any agendas and there are no filters. And they get to hear themselves say things over and over and over again. And they may actually learn more from their own ears, hearing their own mouth speak, the new saying, anything for 30 minutes, seriously. But I get it, right? It's hard. It's hard to reclaim your role as a parent. It's hard to know

11:26where you fit in. So this new year, I want you to look at your life differently. I truly want you to put the parent back in parenting. That is your kiss to keep it simple strategy. Wow, what a kiss, right? Put the parent back in parenting. But I think we need to be kissing on our kids more often like that by being their parent. Now, I get it. It may seem impossible, but truly, it's not. It's not impossible. You can be that parent. You have been called to be not by your own strength, but because of the heart God gave you. Did you hear me? I want you to chew on that for a while. Okay, you can be the parent. You have been called to be not because of who you are, not because of your own strength, but because of the heart God gave you. And if you're not sure if you're being a great parent, ask God. Go to him and say, make me a better mom. Help me be a better dad. Don't assume that you're already there because let me tell you, you're always learning as a parent. I still am. And when you think you're done parenting, then you become a grandparent. Yeah, so it just continues, right? Your family continues to grow.

12:34So don't try to do life alone when it comes to parenting, right? Look to your Heavenly Father too. And the best thing you can do is be open to what will make the difference for your children in the long run. The short run might be a little challenging, but you are stronger and can be the best parent you want to be. You just have to be willing to put in that work. So what does it look like in real life to be the parent that can raise impactful kids, right? Ultimately, we want them to go out and impact the world that they touch in a manner that only they can. Just like you, right? You are impacting the world that you touch in a manner that God created you to do. So we've got to do this for our kiddos too. So number one, set non-negotiable boundaries. And this is great for the New Year. It's great for us. It's great for us to renew where we are in parenting. Some things we need to change. Maybe things that we need to broaden our horizons. We don't know it all. And as we go through life, there's always change, right? Change is a constant. So for us, if you're thinking, Christian, you know, I've already got this down.

13:37My kids are pretty good. I get it. I think mine are fabulous. But I can still be a better parent, right? I don't want to just be a good parent. I want to be a great parent. And that takes work. And that takes reflection. And that takes looking at what I'm doing. And not saying, oh, I've got it all put together. I mean, I had two wonderful parents. But I'm going to tell you right now, I didn't do everything that they did with me. And I don't always agree with how other people raised their kids. And how I see my grandchildren may not be how my daughter sees her children, right? So it's one of those things where you've got to figure out and set non-negotiable boundaries. Kids need guard rails. Not because you want to control them. Did you hear me? It's not about control. But because the world outside your home is full of risk. Now, I will say this, your home is also full of risk if you're not paying attention. Your kids can fall and get hurt if you're not paying attention.

14:39But that doesn't mean you have to be that helicopter or drone parent or whatever term they're using now when it comes to the hovering parent that has to be involved in everything. But you do need to make sure you're providing a safe environment. You know, that is your responsibility. And that means it doesn't matter the age, right? I mean, if you just let glass from a broken, you know, vase or something, lay on the floor and then all of a sudden your kids come home from college and they don't know it's there and they're walking around barefoot. You didn't think anything of it because you know it's there, but they go and slice their foot wide open. Not a good idea. All right, so we really do have to understand that we can protect them in our home. But we also need to create these guard rails. So when they do go outside of the home, right, they know what they can do and they understand some clear rules around behavior, screen time, respect and responsibility. Consistency here, remember, is a non-negotiable. You got to be consistent across the board.

15:42All right, you can't just sit here and say, oh, well, I'm going to do this and not follow through because then guess what? Your kiddos are going to walk all over you. They just are. Number two, use discipline as a teaching moment. Discipline isn't about punishment and I cannot stress that enough. If you're sitting there, spanking your kids, again, I'm not going to tell you how to discipline, but if you're spanking them and you think that's punishing them, you're doing it wrong. I'm just going to call it out like it is. Discipline isn't about punishment. It's about imprinting important life lessons so your child internalizes right from wrong. There's a big, big difference. And in our world today, we just think that we have to be that controlling parent who dominates over our kiddos. I'm telling you right now, you're going to lose your child. Not meaning that the state's going to come after you. I don't mean that. You're going to lose your child because your child's going to get older and your child's going to see that that's not really great. Maybe my parent doesn't love me, whether it's mom or dad or both.

16:47And you're going to be pushing your kid away. If that's what you want, then by all means discipline is about punishment. And you can be that kind of parent. But I want to encourage you not to do that, right? Discipline is about imprinting important life lessons so your child internalizes right from wrong. So make consequences logical. Make consequences appropriate to their personalities and life stages. Make consequences timely. Don't sit there and say, oh, go sit and time out or, you know, go in there in the next hour or so when I'm ready because I'm busy right now, then we'll have a talk. No, the sting is already gone. It doesn't matter. And you're not doing something in a timely fashion, meaning basically immediately means that, well, I guess it really didn't matter to mom or dad. And then make consequences connected to the behavior. Don't make it because you think that's just what should happen. Not every consequence deserves a spanking. Not every consequence deserves allowance taken away or grounding or you can't go out

17:56on dates or whatever it is, you know, you're grounded for two weeks. They even ground any more, I don't know if they do, but regardless, as long as you're consistent, let me tell you, your kids are going to pay attention. And they're going to know because guess what, when you discipline, I pray you're modeling it too. It's not about you telling them how to do it and you get to do whatever you want to do because, oh, I'm the father or I'm the mother. No, it's not about that. If you're asking your kid to do it, you better so dagum well do it yourself. Because otherwise, why teach them? So watch your mouth. Watch where your heart takes you. Watch what you show your child. Because let me tell you right now, they are watching you. And let me also remind you, God's watching you too. So it goes in all ways, right? So make those consequences appropriate across the board. And then again, it is that consistency,

18:58but you got to follow through. If you're going to say this is what happens, then this is what is going to happen. You have to follow through, right? Consistency is a key. Flaky discipline breeds chaos. And let me tell you, your kids are going to know that you really don't care. You're just doing it to do it. Some parents will discipline because they're trying to show off how great they are as a parent. Discipline doesn't show how great you are as a parent. What your kids do without you being around, that's what says what's happening. Do they make the right choices? I don't know. And remember, who's doing the disciplining? If you are one who the mama is more the disciplinarian than the father, and this is if you're actually married together as one family, a connected family, then the mother is going to have the most influence. However, dad, when you do discipline, they're paying attention. And if you're now part of a blended family,

20:02or if you're divorced, things become a little bit more complicated because you can't control what the other parent is doing, right? So all the more reason why you have to be consistent, but that consistency has got to be appropriate for the child and what's going on. And if you act like, oh, I've got this all figured out, then let me tell you the kids, they're going to be ruling the roost for sure. So be careful, be cautious, be willing to learn more than even what you're teaching your kids. Seriously, that will be an impactful parent. And then finally, number three, build daily rituals of connection, whether it's a quick check-in before bedtime or weekend walks or maybe when you're driving them to activities or something, build habits that strengthen your relationship. Right? What is it? Maybe it's tea time. Maybe your kiddos are older and they're close enough. Maybe once a month you go somewhere for a weekend, and you just have that special time together. Oh my goodness, these are not just feel-good moments, even though, oh, a great coffee mocha,

21:08whatever that you have in those things, which I can't even pronounce, because I can't drink it, and I don't drink it. But whatever those complicated drinks are called, if that's something for you all, it's not about the coffee stuff. Right? It's not about that mocha latte. It's about you being together and connecting. That is an investment in your child's emotional and spiritual foundation. So make those daily rituals of connection. And if it can't be daily, because they're grown and they've moved away, then make it at least once a week on the phone, you know? Face time them, connect with them, zoom with them, whatever it is to connect and say, I love you. I want to know what's going on in your life. Set them a text, hey, what happened today? Now, I'm not saying, you know, just to bombard their life because you want them to, you know, live their life too. But I do think it's very important for them to know that not just because they're grown now, but you still love them. You still care about them. You want to know what's going on. And it's different. Now,

22:10I will tell you this as a little secret. When your kiddos call you, regardless of the age, you know, but specifically when they've kind of left the nest or they're at college or whatever, be available to them, it's never going to be convenient when they call you. Because you're going to be like, oh my goodness, I'm in the middle of a laundry or I'm doing dishes. You know what? That's all right. You can come back to all that. If you're shopping for groceries, well, maybe you have to come back with that. If it feels like it's going to get to be a long conversation and it's an important conversation, go check out the self checkout and just walk out and take what you have and come back later. Because let me tell you, when they call you, there's a reason why they're calling you. Don't discount their reaching out to you. So many parents just hang up on their kids and I'm not talking about literally, I'm talking about figuratively. And they miss the mark because they're not present. Your kiddos are going to call at times that, well, it just doesn't work with your

23:11schedule anymore. For the most part, you need to be available to them because that is what's going to impact their heart the most. You know, being a good parent happens naturally enough. You love your kids and you want the best for them. Most parents want that. Doesn't matter who you are, how much money you make, what you're doing in your career or even if you have a career, right? Pretty much you can be a good parent because you love your kids and you want what's best for them and you only know how to do it because of who showed it to you. But here's the thing. Being a great parent who leaves an indelible mark on your child's heart and mind requires grit, dedication, resilience and this relentless perseverance. It means choosing hard truths over easy comfort every day. So ask yourself, will this year be a year where you just show up? Are you just kind of there when you're there? Or will it be the year you double down on what really

24:12matters? Where do you fit in? Maybe you're somewhat in the middle. But let's commit to one side of the other and I hope it'll be the latter that you want to double down on what really matters. You want to have that fierce connection with your children because ultimately, that's your living legacy, right? What you're doing now and when you're gone, who you leave behind. Your children's futures, their confidence and their ability to affect the world, it all depends on you being the parent they deserve, not just a friend or acting like their dictator or whatever, right? That's not it. So make it count. Make the lesson stick in a kind, sticky manner, okay? You can do all of that. Be the parent who raises not just a child, but a living legacy who will go out and impact the world that they touch just like you're doing. Go in peace. Be present. Be incredible. Be you. I love you so very much. I cannot wait to see you

25:14on the other side. Blessing tags and lots and lots of love. We'll talk to you real soon. Have a glorious quest weekend. Bye-bye. Feeling inspired and ready to train for life and love your journey, visit createyournow.com for more incredible resources to help you along the way. We'll see you next time on Create Your Now, Your Best Selfie. And remember, always be sure you consult your physician before beginning any health and fitness plan.