33 | Born Astride a Grave

Aileen Loy grew up inside a storm—descended from indentured laborers, raised in a rigid, often violent household, and taught to keep the family together at any cost. At 13, she watched a Halloween car crash fling her four-month-older nephew through a windshield; the year before, a beloved brother had died by suicide. For years she became the caretaker and the peacemaker—“a people pleaser” who never prioritized her own pain—until the reckoning came: an ICU stay after a suicidal spiral and the hard decision to break from the patterns that were breaking her. In this raw conversation, Aileen traces the inheritance of shame and self-loathing, the pressure to assimilate, and the moment she realized, “I am a severely damaged person,” then chose to heal—through truth-telling, boundaries, and art. It’s a story about refusing the “family curse,” and finding dignity beyond survival. 

Content note: This episode includes discussion of family violence, a fatal accident involving a child, suicide and suicidal ideation, depression, and intergenerational trauma. Listener discretion advised.

If you or someone you love is struggling, you’re not alone. In the U.S., dial or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

Story Producer: Nicholas Tecosky

If you have a transformative near-death experience to share, we’d love to hear your story! Please email us at [email protected] We’d love to hear your story! 

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