32 Life & Money Lessons I've Learned at 32

0:00If you want to lay golden eggs, you have to protect the golden goose. You don't need to be a people pleaser to succeed in your career. You better be learning or earning and ideally both. Just try to do what you can. Your friends don't hate you, you just need to go to sleep. I started posting TikToks one day at the urging of my work bestie and now I'm living a life that I've always dreamed of. The journey might surprise you and you won't know until you actually do it. What's up rich friends and welcome back to another episode of Network and Chill. I'm your host Vivian2, your HPFF and your favorite Wall Street girly. The rumors are true, it's my birthday. Well, sort of, it was my birthday a few days ago. I am now officially 32 years old and can I be honest? I think I feel younger than ever. Yeah, okay, one day I did try to get out from the couch and realized I couldn't spring up from the cushions like I used to and I actually care what kind of mattress I fall asleep on.

1:00But still, I am so proud of the opportunities I've created for myself. I'm living each day with purpose and passion and I'm excited for what this next year around the sun might bring me. So, in honor of my birthday, I'm sharing some of the life lessons I've learned in my 32 years that have actually helped me get to a place in life where I'm looking forward to seeing what comes next. These lessons aren't the picture perfect, pastel, Instagram, infographic versions. These are the real, hard, uncomfortable truths that have actually helped me get to a place where I want to be at and frankly, I'm still learning some of them over and over again. So, hopefully, these pieces of wisdom help you avoid some of the mistakes that I've made so far, save you some time and money and inspire you to make a change in an area of your life where you might feel a little stuck. So, this is 32 Things I Know at 32. If you're tired of endless scrolling to figure out where to eat, same, I'm Stephanie Wu, Editor-in-Chief of Eater. We've just launched the new-ish and way better Eater app.

2:00It has all the restaurants we love, gives you personalized picks wherever you are, and serves of smarter search results just for you. You can find my list of the best places for Martinez and prize in New York City, and save your favorite spots, share lists, follow editors and book right in the app. Download the Eater app at Eaterapp.com. It's free for iOS users. First up, choose a rest day, or your body will choose one for you. I have had to learn this one the hard way over and over and over again, making time for rest feels so hard and so annoying when you have 10,000 things to do in a day, but you have to do it. Or else, your body will literally hit a breaking point, and you won't like the day that it picks to break down. Maintenance is cheaper than a full fix, so stop driving on empty and crossing your fingers that your car won't notice. Another story about this is my friend asked me if I was taking care of my golden goose. There's this story that a farmer and his wife

3:00realized that a goose was laying golden eggs, and instead of caring for this goose and making sure that it would lay a golden egg once a week, they slaughtered the goose, and realized that inside the goose was regular. It wasn't filled with gold, it wasn't anything special. In fact, it was the fact that the goose was well taken care of and had a good feed and everything was good for the goose that it was able to lay these golden eggs, so you can't rush the process, you can't try to slaughter the goose to get the golden inside, it doesn't work like that. If you want to lay golden eggs, you have to protect the golden goose. Two, don't take advice from anyone you don't want to be. So often when we're lost, we want to take advice from anyone who might seem like they have a better idea of what's going on than we do. But how useful is an advisor if they've never actually been where you want to go? If you want to become the first millionaire in your family, who do you think would have more insight to offer your specific goal? The person who worked their way up and carefully invested until they went from $0 to $1 million or the person who just received a million dollars in a trust fund when they were born

4:00and now spends irresponsibly. So they're not going to stay rich for very long. You want to make sure that you are taking advice from people who have been on your path, who have accomplished what you want to accomplish and the same goes for haters. I have to remind myself all the time, no one who I admire, no one who has a life that I want to have has ever left me an nasty comment. The only people who do that want what I have. They want to be where I'm at. And frankly, they're commenting out of their mom's basement. So no mind needs to be paid to them. Make sure that you are only getting advice and looking up to people who have the life that you want, who you admire and who you respect. Lesson three, nobody's looking at you. You know how many times I have worried when I was younger about how I was being perceived only to find out that no one was even thinking about me. Everybody is only thinking about themselves. Since then, I've learned that sometimes the only thing between you and that wild dream you have for yourself is the fear of being a little cringe. And I think a lot of us let that feeling of embarrassment stop us from doing so much, fighting for that big raise,

5:01asking that cute stranger at a bar out, posting that first Instagram Reels vlog. What I've found is that your friends are going to support you, the losers are going to hate on you. And most people, they've got enough going on in their own lives to not have an opinion on your crazy dreams. I started posting TikToks one day at the urging of my work bestie and now I'm living a life that I've always dreamed of. Nobody is looking at you, just go for it. Lesson four, a good network beats a big one. Everyone wants to have 500 plus connections on LinkedIn. But if you don't ever set up coffee chats or one-on-ones with any of them, how are those connections actually going to be helpful to you? Networking isn't just about exchanging business cards and making awkward small talk. It's about finding your people and building genuine relationships. Think of it like truly making a new friend. And people do favors for their friends. So if you're an introvert and you'd rather peel off your skin than go to a career fair, don't worry about it too much. Quality trumps quantity. Meet with a few people, tangential to you, whether it's co-workers, college alumni, or some of those LinkedIn profiles in your sphere

6:01and build a real connection one at a time, it'll definitely feel less overwhelming and probably be better for your career too. Lesson five, whether you're nice or not doesn't actually matter. 76% of high-performing women receive negative feedback while only 2% of men do. Losers and haters will call you mean or nasty names, no matter how nice you are. So just focus on what's going to set you up for success, what makes you feel empowered. And at the end of the day, it matters more whether or not you think you're nice versus what other people think. That's not to say you shouldn't be kind and generous and strong and a good leader. Being kind is very different than being nice, but people are going to talk smack one way or another, you don't need to be a people pleaser to succeed in your career. Lesson six, I'm not irresponsible, I'm just worn down and so are you. I only started regularly going to the gym when I began packing my gym bag the night before. Turns out I wasn't lazy or trying to avoid going, I was just really tired. Setting up infrastructure to make sure

7:03that the hard decisions in your day are automatically made for you is the ultimate cheat code. For example, setting up automatic transfers to savings and investments is the financial equivalent of packing your gym bag the night before. Take a few minutes to do the work ahead of time and remove that decision fatigue that leads to poor choices in the moment. If you can't see it all, you won't spend it all. If you pack your gym bag the night before, you've already made a mental plan to go to the gym. Another way I look at it will power can bend easily, but infrastructure is much harder to break. That is why we make such smart decisions in the morning will have a green juice and a salad for lunch. But by dinner, your elbow deep in a bucket of mac and cheese. But if you meal prep and have all of the meals already planned out, it's much easier to stick to a healthy diet. Lesson seven, if it's not passion or a payday, it's just a bad deal. That side hustle you're working on should either bring you so much happiness or provide a cash source that brings you serious money. If it's doing neither, you're just working two jobs

8:04that aren't really adding to your life and calling one of them a cute name. Accent and save your time. You better be learning or earning and ideally both. Lesson eight, love is a practice, not a feeling. I got married last year and while there are so many memories in my relationship that have made me feel all the butterflies and fireworks, the moments I know that our love is true is in the ways we show up for each other because the feeling of being adored or feeling romantic, it's all great. But it's much easier than the choices someone makes to support you, champion your work, work with you and meet you where you're at, even if they're not feeling too hot. It's why I say equity over a quality in relationships because not everything will be perfectly 50, 50 all the time. When someone is willing to put their insecurities aside and treat your obstacles as a team problem, you both can handle, that's how you know it's something real. I'll give you a quick story. I remember the first time my face went up in Times Square on top of the NASDAQ building and that day, my husband snuck out of work to take photos of me from afar

9:06and when I got home that night, I was so eager and I told him all about what had happened and he looked me in the eye and he goes, yeah, I know, I was there. And I said, what? And he showed me these photos on his phone and I was so shocked that he was willing to even carve out that little bit of time in his day because he works an incredibly demanding job but it was important for him to be there for me and he knew that and I asked him why he didn't say something and say hi and he said, well, it was your moment. I didn't want to take any of the fanfare away from you. So I wanted to be there with you. I wanted to share the moment. I'm so proud of you and I'm so glad I got to witness it but I wanted you to have your moment and I think that really is a testament to the fact that he is so secure and he is able to enable me to be the best version of myself. And I'd like to think that I have also made sacrifices to support him and his career but I feel so grateful to have such a thoughtful, conscientious partner. It's not the roses on Valentine's Day.

10:08It's showing up in those little moments. Less than nine. Sometimes it's for a season, not for a reason. One of the worst feelings in the world is a friendship breakup and it can feel so hard to get past. Honestly, friendship breakups can hurt more than real relationship breakups. But it happens and it's okay. Sometimes you drift apart or grow into different people. I know change is hard but if a friendship drains you instead of replenishes you, take it as a sign that you may be better off limiting your exposure to that person. Less than 10. If you can, see the world. I've regretted spending money on designer bags. I've regretted spending money on over-priced coffees but never have I ever regretted spending money on travel. Gaining life experience and perspective of the world is invaluable. As I've gone older, I've learned that my most valuable resource is actually time and the more you can maximize that, the better off you'll be. Not to mention traveling and doing something fun or sharing an experience is something that money can't even buy. Sitting on the couch, it's so lovely for my husband and I

11:09to reminisce over our honeymoon and our shared memories over dishes that we ate and fun activities that we did. There's no watch or bag or pair of shoes I can do that. Less than 11. A small plan is better than no plan. Even when I was making a meager salary right out of college, budgeting every week, putting a little bit away for retirement and saving where I could, doing these behaviors helped build my wealth in huge ways over the years. The returns I got even just from pocketing a bit here and there compounded with time. So even if your salary isn't where you want it to be right now or you feel like there's just no way you'll reach your financial goals this year, that's okay. Just try to do what you can. Prioritize what's most important to you, whether it's paying down debt, starting a rainy day fund in a high yield savings account or starting investing one step at a time. These small choices make a big difference and it'll all be because you had a little bit of a plan instead of no plan at all. Less than 12, this is a fun one, have a shower popsicle. I dare you to have a bad day and then eat a popsicle

12:10in the shower and see if it makes you feel worse. I dare you, not once. Every single time I have a shower popsicle, no matter how bad the day was, it makes me feel a little bit better and it puts a smile on my face and it's a nice little treat. So shower popsicle, that's the lesson. Lesson 13, don't get Botox on Groupon. I need to thank my mentor again for this lesson. It has less to do with cosmetic procedures and more to do with investing for the long term. Given that there is a limited amount of money in our pockets, it can feel really easy to often opt for the cheaper option. But there's another saying, buy it nice or buy it twice. In some areas of your life, especially ones that can have permanent or semi-permanent effects, it's better to spend a little bit more. Sometimes the cheap price tag up front will end up costing you more in the long run. I would rather go to a really, really great dermatologist or plastic surgeon or nurse practitioner that does Botox day in and day out. So I know that I'm getting something dependable versus going to some random provider who I've never heard of.

13:11For example, I remember working on Wall Street and having to wear nylons or tights every single day. And the fancy tights that would cost a little bit more, they would last wear after wear after wear. But the cheap legs that you get from a CVS or a Dwayne read, those we get one wear and then there'd be a massive run or a hole in the crotch, it would actually cost me more to buy cheap tights than just invest in something a little bit better. Hi, I'm Brunei Brown. And I'm Adam Grant. And we're here to invite you to the Curiosity Shop. A podcast that's a place for listening, wondering, thinking, feeling, and questioning. It's going to be fun. We rarely agree. But we almost never disagree, and we're always learning. That's true. You can subscribe to the Curiosity Shop on YouTube or follow in your favorite podcast app to automatically receive new episodes every Thursday. Lesson 14. Spend five minutes looking it up first. Whether it's a word you don't know, a money tip that you just heard or a new story that you're not sure if it's even true or not, literally just spend five minutes looking it up.

14:11Open up Google.com. It's free and click on a trusted information source like Investopedia for Finance Knowledge to get the information you need. Before you make any rash decisions, double check. And influencer is swearing that this stock is gonna help you get rich quick. Your coworker is promising that this supplement help them get a six pack. Your uncles at Thanksgiving saying that drinking bleach will help kill COVID particles before you do anything, literally just look it up. Even if you know you're gonna be right, being able to articulate the logic behind your answer can help you ground yourself in reality. Stop guessing your way through life and just look it up. Lesson 15. You don't have to spend time with anyone who pulls you further away from yourself. It took me a while to learn that I didn't wanna hang out with people who like to spend all their money on club tables and people whose only topic of conversation was gossiping about people I didn't care about. It also doesn't mean that they're bad people. It's just that I didn't wanna do those things anymore. They didn't make me feel more aligned with the kind of life I wanted to live,

15:12where my financial goals were always on track and I was inspired by the conversations around me. Knowing who is a close friend, a situational friend, and an acquaintance is an important distinction. Lesson 16. It's okay to be fueled by spite. Personally, I'm not the kind of person that's always motivated by some beautiful golden interlite or self-love with enlightenment. I don't always kill them with kindness. Sometimes I'm just doing something because I wanna flex on the haters. And honestly, I think that's okay. Anger is a motivating feeling and it can be harnessed for a good cause. The fine line is when the spite starts to become harmful to you. Haters can help you get to the next accolade but don't let yourself become one. Lesson 17. You can't run away from sadness forever. Whether it's the relationship you wanted to work out, the friend you swore would be a bridesmaid one day or watching your parents get older, heartbreak is going to happen to you. Bad days are what make the good ones that much more special. And it's important to learn how to deal with sad times rather than just trying to run away from them.

16:13Learning how to let go of the idea that you always have to be happy and accept that sometimes they are going to be rainy days is a skill that brings us closer to understanding ourselves. Plus, being able to prepare for them and deal with them whether it's having the hard conversation with your parents about their wills or saving up for unforeseen costs, that helps us navigate the sadness with a lot less panic. Lesson 18. Your friends don't hate you. You just need to go to sleep. This one is for all of my fellow overthinkers. You're spiraling in bed because you're anxious that you said the wrong thing over text or that you messed up an important task or you made an irreversible error that you can't see it. Just go to bed. Just go to sleep. Making up problems in your own head just distracts you from your reality. Part of growing up is learning that the actual problems will reveal themselves with time and trust me, they will reveal themselves. You don't need to waste precious hours trying to guess them before they appear. Until then, if you can't see it, it's none of your business and that makes it not your problem. Lesson 19. No is a complete sentence.

17:15You do not need to defend why you're saying no. Lesson 20. Don't be realistic. Stop letting people trap you in the cage where they live. So what if your expectations are high and your dreams are big and your plans are what some people might call borderline sociopathic? Why would you compromise with yourself before you've even tried to see what might happen? Being Dululu is far more interesting than negotiating with yourself. Just because they can't do it doesn't mean that you can't. If it fails, there's always another dream to chase and if it succeeds, I mean, hello. Lesson 21. Individualism will make you broke. Your desire to be so independent of anyone is not a strength. Apps and companies have replaced what our community used to do for each other. For free. Instead of asking our neighbor to walk our pets, we hire task rabbits or get a sitter on rover. And instead of leaning on friends to take us to the airport, we pay for ubers or weimos. We used to have more of a favors economy

18:16that kept our budgets down and our communities intact. And now we wonder why everything's expensive and we're all lonely. Sometimes the price for a village is being a villager and sometimes being a villager means a little bit of inconvenience. Lesson 22. Never take the first salary offer. You think that salary offer out the gate is really all they have in the budget? Upon receiving a job offer, always ask for more unless you asked for a specific number during the interview process and they gave it to you. If they come in under, always negotiate, they expect it and respect it. Your future self-spank account will thank you. Lesson 23. Write it down so you don't forget. Preferably all in the same place. When you start making enough money, you can hire people to remind you to, but these days when there are so much stimuli happening all at once, when there are so many notifications and dings and buzzes, sometimes it's really easy to forget important things, but the easiest thing you can do to combat it is to write it down. Lesson 24. You get what you negotiate for, just like salaries with all of life.

19:16You get what you negotiate for. Your landlord is ignoring your emails about fixing the heating. That's grounds to negotiate rent. The company told you that you can't take off for more time off even though you have remaining PTO. Well, that's a good opening to talk about holiday bonuses for all your extra hard work. Sometimes you only get what you negotiate for and by letting things slide, you might actually be leaving money on the table. Lesson 25. The harder way doesn't mean the right way. Listen, I used to think that anything good had to be difficult. I had to work out six days per week, manually monitor every movement in my investment portfolio and generally live life on hard mode. But honestly, what really makes an impact is when the habits are easy enough for us to do everyday over the course of many years. Robo advisors can help us manage our investments while we're at work. Automatic withholdings can make taxis and easier for us and a long walk can still count as a good workout for the day because a couple of minutes are better than no minutes. Lesson 26. Not every single designer bag is an actual investment piece. Most fashion pieces don't actually hold any value at all.

20:19So buy what you want, but know that unless it's a rare skinberkin or some limited availability watch that you got at retail, it's probably not an investment. You would be better off investing in an index fund that tracks the broader market. You wanna make sure that your investments are investments and your retail purchases are just things you can enjoy. Lesson 27, and this one's from my mom, it is the phones. I love a good doom scroll, but our parents were right. The unproductivity, the procrastination, the anxiety, it's because of the damn phones. When you feel yourself starting to get stuck in the screen spiral, make yourself put it away and get up and do something, whether it's a chore, a task, or some kind of movement. About 90% of the time, unfortunately, you do feel so much better. Lesson 28, setting boundaries with family about money isn't being disrespectful, it's being an adult. You can love your family and still not fund your cousin's third failed startup. I always say you can give family money, but never loan money because you are not getting it back,

21:20and that's probably gonna lead to resentment and a weird holiday at grandma's. Lesson 29, your Instagram doesn't need to look good to live a good life. Sometimes life is mundane, unethetic, and fulfilling. Just because everyone else's feed is filled with highlights doesn't mean they're happier than you, and just because you don't have a perfect curated photo dump doesn't mean that the memories are any less meaningful. Lesson 30, the time will pass anyway. Speaking of time, this one's a big one that I learned from a mentor. So often we worry about whether our careers, lives, relationships, and whatever else are gonna be a success. We get so scared about the result that sometimes it's easier to not do anything about it at all. But who cares if it flops or not? Just do it and see what happens. There is no arbitrary timeline that you need to have your dream career. There's no arbitrary timeline of when you need to get married or have children or find the love of your life or find your passion. You don't have a timeline. There is no ticking clock. The journey might surprise you, and you won't know until you actually do it. The time is going to pass anyway, and years later,

22:20you might wake up and realize your life looks so much better than you could have even imagined it to be. Lesson 31, this is something that I've been trying to remind myself a lot of recently. Your face and body are changing because you're living a life where you change. My smile lines are deep because I've laughed a lot and I smile a lot. My body has changed since I was 18 because I've experienced a good life full of change. Over the past 32 years, I've gotten married, I've traveled, I've frozen my eggs, I've toured around the country twice, published a book, twice, filmed my first TV commercial, and met so many of my besties. I'm so grateful to my body, to my skin, for my face, for having gotten me through all of it. It's saving all the things that I've been so lucky to witness. And Lesson 32, money isn't morality. Money isn't inherently good or bad, it just is. Some days I felt like a financial genius, and other days I've made purchases I regret. We're all just humans trying to figure out this money stuff out one paycheck at a time, so give yourself some grace.

23:22You aren't bad with money. You're just on your financial journey. Always remember, your worth isn't tied to your net worth. Whew, thank you for sticking with me through 32 full lessons of my very full 32 years of life. I hope you take something and it makes your life a little bit easier, whether you're younger than me, older than me, or right around my age. I'm so grateful that you are a part of my community. Thank you so much. Happy birthday to me, and if you're celebrating, happy birthday to you. Thanks for tuning into this week's episode of Network and Chill, part of the Vox Media Podcast Network. If you like the episode, make sure to leave a rating and review and subscribe so you never miss an episode. Got a burning financial question that you won't cover in a future episode? Write to us via podcast at yourwitchbf.com. Follow Network and Chill pod on Instagram to stay up to date on all podcast-related news, and you can follow me at yourwitchbff for even more financial know-how. See you next week, bye!