3/27 5-1 No Lies Told!

0:00The Bleacher Report app is your destination for sports. Right now, the NBA is heating up, March Manus is here, and MLB is almost back. Every day there's a new headline, a new highlight, a new moment you've got to see for yourself. That's why I stay locked in with the Bleacher Report app. For me, it's about staying connected to my sports. I could follow the teams I care about, get real-time scores, breaking news, and highlights all in one place. Download the Bleacher Report app today so you never miss a moment. That seemingly has never mattered.

1:00I mean, to the ladies. Are they coming at you, regardless? No, no, no, no. It's so funny when I say, like, Kelsey's younger than me, and now, now women are like, what has date somebody your own age? Where were you? Where was this attitude when I was single? That's a great, great combo. That's a great combo. You never asked me out. You never asked to hang out, and so now that you think there's a problem, now you want to tell me, but like, where were you? I liked this truthful chat, Daniels, by the way, we learned before the break, he doesn't tell any more lines, but you had a good point though. Make sure you're more attractive to other women than being attached to a woman. Oh, sure, yeah. Yeah. Desperation is the worst cologne. Well, then they know that someone desires you. That's how you must be desirable. Yeah. We got, we're going to credit you with that line. I'm going to use that a lot now. Desperation is the worst cologne. Well, don't credit me. I've heard that somewhere. I've never heard it. Okay, God, okay. I'll say that I heard it from Chad Daniels.

2:02Is that true, Colleen? Did you find guys when you're still single? But I mean, except you're same time next to your thing, do you, is a desperate guy not attractive? Oh, definitely. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, definitely. It's too bad because a lot of guys, when you want with anybody, you come off of a little desperate. No, you don't want to be there. You're talking to a guy who is pretty desperate in high school. And as a result, nothing. And then I went to college and then there was a couple of women that liked me and then the line started forming. No. It was a state, right? It was a state. Yeah, that was the beginning. Now, Minnesota state more. Yeah, that's right. Self-esteem is much more attractive, if they believe in themselves because otherwise, they're wimpy. Yeah, a lot of guys get a lot of, they get beat down, a lot of guys, you know? I think that's in almost everything, right? Yeah. So, even if, you know, sometimes you see young comedians that think like, this is the

3:04show that's going to do it for them. Right. And you go, man, you can just tell. You can tell that you need this so badly. And then you get somebody else, it's like, yeah, I got to work in the morning. So I'll just do my set. Right. And it's hilarious because they just, they know they have other stuff going on. All that makes sense. Yeah, that makes sense. That makes sense. That's the only thing in their life. Yeah, they just don't put so much pressure. I think not putting pressure on everything is probably good for you. Yes. And telling the complete truth, the interesting story about that off the air since you decided you're going to tell the truth all the time. But you're not like, people can't ask you questions. I'm not an open book, you don't think it's just all of a sudden I'm going to tell you my secrets. Right. Yeah, when people were saying, when you tell them the story, people would ask you questions, right? Right. Yeah, they're like, well, well, okay, tell me about this. And it's like, well, no, I mean, when I'm talking to you, I'll tell the truth. Here was a really, right when I started doing this. Okay. I was at a bar. Did you read about this somewhere? It sounds so obvious to everybody, but the human condition means we lie.

4:04Right. And it's harder to do than we write things and a lot of times we lie because it's almost like eating, right? You go like, someone's addicted to food. Well, how do you deal with that because you have to eat, right? Right. Right. But sometimes you go, I don't want to lie. But then your kid will ask you something or a partner will ask you something and you don't want to hurt their feelings so you lie. Right. But so now I tell people before, like, you know, some young comics will come off stage and they go, what'd you think? And I go, well, you need to know that I don't lie before, and I'm going to let you take that question back. Okay. Because if, you know, do you ever take it back? Sometimes. Okay. Sometimes they'll go like, all right. Then I don't want to, I was like, okay. I just want you to know. You say, you prep us every, you're going to say something good or just, does that, does that sound like you're going to say something bad? What do you say? I think it probably sounds like I'm going to say something. It does. It does. Absolutely. Yeah. But I was at this bar one time and this guy comes up. We're waiting in line and he goes, hey man, do you see the hockey game? And I said, yeah, it was awesome. But I'd only seen the highlights.

5:06Right. And so then he goes back to his table and I followed him back because I was like a week into it and I didn't want to start over. So I go, hey man, remember when you asked if I watched the hockey game, I'd only seen the highlights. And now I have six people looking at me like I'm a murderer. And I'm going to take out their whole booth. It was, I mean, it was like, it took me a while. Well, there's a normal, Donald bit about that. He was seeing that before. He said, did you ever, it's just, it's a little stand up bitch from back in the day. He's talking about, do you ever lie about something that doesn't mean anything and you go, why did I do that? Doesn't help me in any way. It's just, so it's kind of like what you just did right there because I think we've all done that. Yeah, I saw that movie. And then you find yourself, why did I say that? Right. And then then you might get a question about it and you go, ah, I forgot some of it. And then I think the whole, all you could have said was I didn't see that movie. We all done stupid stuff like that or just like, I saw the highlights, right? But your brain is conditioned to want to be part of a group. Right. And so if somebody asked you like, hey, did you see this? You go, yeah, I want to be part of this group. Yeah, I saw it.

6:06But you did. I love you. We followed the guy back. I could totally only saw the highlights. Oh, man. It got lighter in the bar because of how wide their eyes were, they feel where they betray. Well, they just look confused and some of them look nervous for real because I'm sure that they're like, you didn't know these people, right? Oh, not a clue. Oh, but it's just like your first week in this. You starting this? Yeah. I was about a week into it and I didn't want to start over at day zero. So I went over and said, hey, are they thinking, why is this guy that truthful? I, yeah, who knows? But it had to feel very dexterish. What do you have? I was extra like somewhere. There was a room covered in plastic. And I'm like, maybe you should watch the game with me next time. Do you like Huey Lewis? Did you, did you, did you read about this somewhere? Is it some sort of somebody's theory? No, here's the thing. So my ex and I, we just said, like, okay, we have these kids. So let's, let's get everything off our chest. This is when you first broke up. This is where sitting at the kitchen table after we told the kids we were getting a

7:09divorce. God, I was still sitting there. And we told each other everything we had to say. And then that night, I slept for 14 hours. It was the hardest I had slept and I was out. I woke up and I go, oh, it's probably like four in the morning. I slept, I had slept for 14 hours and I'd never felt lighter and I just go, I am never going back to that. Wow. Yeah. That was the secret, huh? I guess so. Yeah. That's great, man. Yeah. I love that. I mean, I don't know if I could do it. I mean, the small stuff, maybe, I guess, I don't know. That's a great, that's great. I don't think I would sleep for 14 hours. Oh, yeah. Well, he means everything was lifted off his brain, right? Absolutely. I had, I just had nothing. It was like a reset button and I go, yeah, absolutely. Big release. Big release. And just for the listeners, I promise I do have jokes. That's the joke. No, these are funny. I love the joke. He just counsel you. I just love your days. Follow people back to their tables and tell them, I just lied to you. Yeah. I really like your shirt, but I like you.

8:12I like you. Yeah. But if some guy walks up to you with a polygraph machine and he wants to give you an inquisition, you're probably going to say, I don't want to talk to you. Well, right. Because then they're going to ask you questions. Right. It's not their business. They're just trying to test you. Right. Right. But Colleen kind of makes a good point, Chad. Do you, do you, like, with somebody saying, hey, what do you think of my new shirt? Do you give them the polite answer? Or do you just say, nah, that sucks. It depends if the polite answer is true, but I will tell them, I'll go, hey, man, it, like, it comes up too high when you raise your arms, everything is your stomach. So you should know that. How about the old, uh, do I look fat in these jeans? Well, luckily, nobody asked me that anymore because they know that I haven't, I mean, this is like, I'm going on 10 years. Yeah. Because you're actually with somebody permanently right now. Right. Right. Isn't fat in her jeans. No, no, exactly. She's, she never asked to ask me anything where I'm just like, yeah, every time she walks out, she goes, sorry. I don't look good. And it's like, nice try. Yeah. Yeah. Well, how about you? Did she say that she, she didn't like, is she doing this bit too? No. No, I mean, I'm sure she lies to me.

9:13I'm 14 years, her senior, I'm sure she's like, no, you still look great. Thank you. Thank you. I'm protecting your feet. Of course. No. Your boobs don't jiggle when you run. You're fine. Yeah. Yeah. I love it. So I love it because it's because you have because especially in the business you're in state of comedian, you're you're running into all kinds of people to ask you questions. Yeah. Yeah. And like you mentioned before, people that opened up for you, have they, have you said to somebody, listen, I got off stage, how was that? And you go out of lie. I swear, the guy goes, I still want to hear it. And you go, you're not good or you just say that that doesn't work or what? Yeah. I think it's more of like, like positive fatigue. Okay. Okay. Like you suck. I mean, I just, I don't have that in me. I don't. Right. Yeah. But I did just kind of ruin my agency got me a deal where I was supposed to be like, get some stock in this company and I was going to be the face of this company. Okay. And then they told me their strategy and it goes against what I believe in and I just

10:16go, I go, hey, just so you know, I'm not, if that's the line you're going to use, then I'm out. And they stood their ground and I stood my ground and my poor agents were on the call and I could see them and they were looking at me like, do something. Right. Yeah. Not, I mean, not into a. So without mentioning the business was there something that you just morally against? Well, I think it was just the verbiage. It's like, you know, there's some words of the line no longer mean what they used to mean. They mean something else. And it's like, the word was patriot. Okay. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. And in my opinion, it doesn't mean what it used to mean. No, it doesn't mean that. And so I don't, I just don't want to deal. No, some people have co-opted that phrase. Yeah. It's for you. I wouldn't use that. It's for you. I wouldn't use that. I wouldn't use that. I wouldn't use that either. No way. Although I think we turned out a few things in the past, but not much. I commend you for doing that, Chad, because I'm often in a position. I have so many young and upcoming comics who will say, will you tell me what you really

11:20think? Oh, no. So I dance between, do I want to get invested in them? Because then am I going to nurture them, or do I see anything that is viable at all, or do I just be brutally honest? And you know, you know that I've been brutally honest, and you know, a lot of times with some of the young guys, I like to just say that bit kills and it was so good when so-and-so did it five years ago. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Well, she's seen it all, you know, well, that's her polite way of telling them to stop ripping people along. Yeah. And a lot of them, I will just say, you know, you've got the stage presence you need to write. You don't have your voice yet. Yeah. Yeah. And you know, how about you got good, how about you got good jokes, but you know stage presence? You say that one? I have said, you look like you just came in from your paper boy route.

12:24And if all these people are paying money and getting dressed to come here, you don't have, you're not invested. I have to tell you that you're fatter than you are funny. You know what, I think maybe you should stick away from the truth. No. I don't even stay away from the truth. I'm just excited because I promised myself I'd get a Cadbury egg if I made you guys admit you were horrors on air. Oh. Oh. Oh, Cadbury. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I think you, you earned it. Chad Daniels with us. He's the funny bone in Omaha this weekend. Happy to have Chad back. He's got such fun, rabid fans. Oh, you did. The people that are into Chad are really into comedy. And all truthful, too, everyone. Yeah. I don't know about that. I don't know if it rubs off. That's true. Wow. We're leading by example here. What's your, uh, what's the website, Chad, for dates around the country. It's for another place. Yeah. Chad Daniels.

13:24Calm. All right. And Chad always does. He's done this a couple of different times. He's been in Kansas City and woke up. I shoot. He did the show and then hop in a car and drove right here to do our show. And we. That's above and beyond. Yeah. It's real nice. Well, listen, I mean, I'll fluff you back here. It's like when I have a special coming out or whatever, I get contacted by the show. Yeah. Push. Does it say like, hey, man, come on in and promote it. And so it's like, it's just, it's, it's a, it's a good deal. What is your next special, by the way? You're very prolific as most comedians, but say about you. I recorded it December 6th in Salt Lake City, and I think right now they're just like adding the title and the thank yous and then have to color lock it, but it's called Chad Daniels, the patriot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, uh, this guy, the text message, uh, saying you're lying when you say you're happy to be here. You are, in fact, telling the truth because normally, uh, well, you got three, four hours of sleep last night. Yeah. Not a ton, but I am.

14:24I mean, he didn't sleep his normal 14 hours. He got a hurly to do this show. So that's how I know he won't be here. We got a puppy now. So I am trained to not sleep. Yeah. They do that. We're great training. It's by my side of the bed. So anytime it starts to wine, I put my hand up on the crate and licks my hand and goes back to bed. I mean, it's like eight months old. It was not a puppy puppy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's still in the puppy phase. What's his name? Shifu. It's a, it's a he. Shifu is his name because our other dog's name is Poe. It's both from Kung Fu Panda. It's my favorite movie. Okay. Oh, I got it. Okay. What sort of dog? Uh, this guy is a, uh, a Havishan. So a Havanes and a Bishan, Bishan Freeze mix. Yeah. I just lost my dog. That's exciting. Oh, sorry. A Bishan Shifu ahead for 14 years. A hybrid. A hybrid by partner. Yeah. I had to put it down about a month ago. It's brutal, man. That sucks.

15:24I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah. A lot of, most people go through it. I get it, but it's just, it doesn't make it any easier. Right. It's brutal. Yeah. So I haven't gotten the new one yet. I really want a new one. But I'm just holding off a little bit. Yeah. We're jacked up, man. So this, this rescue took 102 animals from a breeder and we got this guy and I'm looking forward to the summer. Yeah. Yeah. So he's just going to be an absolute habit. Yes. If he doesn't get taken by an eagle. All right. Are you guys going to have more kids? Nope. I'm out of it. I think I've asked you that before. Isn't that impossible? No, not for her. No, but for him. It's impossible for me. I know you, hey, you can put it back together. Yeah. Yeah. I know guy did that. Well, it depends upon how many years ago you did. I know guy did it. He was, he was seven years into it. Yeah. And got to put back together and had two more beautiful kids. And so he should have been seven younger with a younger wife. Yeah. But don't you feel like the kids are going to be twitchy or something? I don't know about that. You look like you came from block smirm. Yeah. That freaks me out a little bit. Twitchy or something.

16:25Yeah. That's a good scientific analogy right there. Yeah. Chad Daniels with this book. What's your question, I think? Come on back. You were listening to the Todd and Tyler Radio Empire. You know what they say. Early bird gets the ultimate vacation home. Book early and save over $120 with Burbo. Because early gets you closer to the action. Whether it's waves lapping at the shore. Or snoozing in a hammock that overlooks. Well, whatever you wanted to. So you can all enjoy the payoff come summer with Burbo's early booking deals. Rise and shine. Advert savings $141.00. Select homes only.