#279: When an Old Love Resurfaces and Starts Pulling Away (Ask Steph)
About this episode
This week's Ask Steph question comes from a 77 year old listener who recently reconnected with a man she loved 45 years ago, following the passing of her husband of 40 years. He was the one who got away, and their reunion felt like everything she'd hoped for... until he suddenly started pulling back without explanation.
In offering my advice, I share some thoughts on why a first relationship after a long marriage can feel so consuming, why avoidant patterns often show up most acutely when someone is going through something difficult, and why the instinct to chase and accommodate someone who's withdrawing usually costs us more than it helps.
We talk about the difference between having compassion for someone's fear and abandoning your own needs to manage it, and why getting clear on what you actually want (before you have the conversation with them) matters so much.
If you've ever found yourself dropping your own needs to keep someone from leaving, this one's for you.
Have a question you'd like to submit for a future Ask Steph episode? Click here to leave a voice note.
Links
Get every episode summarized
Each time On Attachment publishes, we email you a written briefing from the transcript — the topics, who appeared, and any specific claims, with the ad reads skipped.
Email me new episodesFree for 3 shows. No card needed.
Hosts & guests
No transcript yet
This episode has not been transcribed. Request it and it moves to the front of the queue.
More episodes
More from On Attachment
#280: Why You Feel Jealous About Your Partner's Past (& How to Navigate It)
On Attachment
#278: How to Navigate Being Triggered by a Partner's Moodiness
On Attachment
#277: What to Look For in a Long-Term Partner
On Attachment
#276: Attachment & Conflict (Part 4): Repairing After Relationship Rupture
On Attachment