27/03/2026

0:00This BBC podcast is supported by ads outside the UK. The best B2B marketing gets wasted on the wrong people, so when you want to reach the right professionals, use LinkedIn ads. LinkedIn has grown to a network of over one billion professionals, including 130 million decision makers, and that's where it stands apart from other ad buys. You can target your buyers by job title, industry, company, role, seniority, skills, company revenue, so you can stop wasting budget on the wrong audience. It's why LinkedIn ads generate the highest B2B return on ad spend of major ad networks. Spend $250 on your first campaign on LinkedIn ads and get $250 credit for the next one. Just go to LinkedIn.com slash broadcast. That's LinkedIn.com slash broadcast. Terms and conditions apply. Delicious Spring Gathering start at Whole Foods Market. Shop the Spring and Bloom Sales event, with yellow sales signs throughout the store. And serve your loved ones Whole Foods Market, seafood, always responsibly farmed, or sustainable wild caught.

1:01Explore vibrant seasonal flavors, like their trending mango Yuzu Shantilly Cake. Great for brunch or an after dinner treat. Speaking of brunch, check out their devil digs, cold press juices, and more. Spring is in bloom now at Whole Foods Market. You're listening to Friday's episode of The Arches, from BBC Radio 4. The Arches. Hi Miranda, how are you? Good, very good, thanks Ellen. We've literally just exchanged contracts on the home farmhouse. Ah, that's brilliant news. I know, I know, I can't believe it, actually. Wow, that lovely big house. It is gorgeous, isn't it? Brian must be over the moon. Yes, I think so.

2:02I mean, I think it's quite a strange feeling for you. Yeah, yeah, of course, but wonderful as well. I hope so. Oh, I do envy you, I must say. We're very lucky. I had my offer accepted on a little house on the green. Oh, excellent, congratulations. Yeah, well, it's not in the bag yet, you know, what it's like. So now I'm getting the survey done, and crossing my fingers that nothing terrible comes up. There's so many hurdles, aren't there? There are. But I've been to your farm shop and bought this sparkling English wine to celebrate. Ooh, very nice. We need more tonic water in the fridge. Okay, yep. Uh, Lillian? Yeah. Has Justin said anything to you about the horsebox? No, actually, he's gone quite about it lately. Oh, we said he'd come to a decision by the end of this week. A decision about what? Did he not talk to you? No, no, I don't think so. Well, basically, because I helped him with that solicitor. What solicitor? This solicitor, she came to the house for a meeting,

3:04it was about a week ago now, and she was quite full-on, like, quite intimidating, you know. But then when I was microwaving my lunch in the kitchen, me and her, we actually really got on. This is when I was trying to refurbish the horsebox in the pouring rain. I see, I'm sorry. And she were really interested in what I was doing, and why? And we sort of bonded over having daughters the same age. And Justin said it was going really badly to lie joined them, and then she changed her mind about whatever it was they were aggling over, because of all he does for the community. All he does for the community. Supporting young people in business ventures. Oh, what, what, and does he do that? Well, by letting Chelsea keep the horsebox outside your house. Oh, thank goodness, sake. Well, Justin said that I saved the day, say, and that she made him an offer for the BL shares after that, because she were a lot more sympathetic after seeing a whole other side to him. But he didn't tell you any of this, did I? No, he did not. Right. But what is it that you're waiting for a decision on? Well, he said he owed me a favour, you know, because of how I helped him out.

4:05And he said he'd think about letting us keep the horsebox on your land when it weren't being used by Chelsea. Oh, did he? Did he now? You look angry. Well, I am angry. Do you not want to keep the horsebox on your land? It's not that. It is not that at all. It is that my common law husband is a terrible person. I mean, I wouldn't call him terrible, exactly. He went on and on about what a terrific offer that solicitor made him for the BL shares. The BL shares that my brother-in-law doesn't even want him to sell in the first place, which has already caused no end of trouble. And Justin never once mentioned that you'd been instrumental in ensuring his success. Yeah, actually, that is quite bad, because he made a right song and danced to me about how grateful he were. Right, that's it. Well, leave it with me. I will sort it. I bought us this. Oh, very nice. Thought we should celebrate with something classy. Well, that's because you're a classy girl. I most certainly am. I don't mind being called a girl now and again. Probably because I'm so far from it. Not to my mind.

5:06Oh, that's nice. Shall I get some glasses? You want to open the fizz now? I thought we could, but not if you don't fancy it. Although we can't drink like this all the time when we move in together. We've had a drink every night this week, can't we? Possibly. It has been a pretty stressful week, though. Has it? Oh, yeah. Waiting to exchange has been no fun at all. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah, no, that's true. And you've been quite up and down? Have I? A bit. Sorry. It's all right. At least we're here now. What can I get you both? What do you want, Dad? I'll get these. Oh, I'm getting them. Come on. What do you want? Oh, come on. They're now. I'll have a pint of chise, Tracy. Okie-dokie. A new Helen. Vodka and tie, please. Coming up. Tony. Oh, hello, sis. Hi there. How are you both? We're not too bad. Oh, I'm pretty good, actually. Have you heard that Tracy and I are going to be neighbors?

6:06Oh, is that definitely definite? Well, nothing's definite till you exchange, is it? Oh, it's true. And it's looking promising. Well, it's exed. So, Dad and I having a celebratory drink, can't we? Uh, yeah. Yes, that's the idea. Well, I might come and join you in a bit. Yeah, do. I'll go and find a set table, shall I, Helen? Ok, great. I'll bring you your pint. I think it's going to be fun being neighbors, don't you, Tracy? Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm very pleased for you, darling. Oh, thanks. There's your vodka and tonic, Helen, and that is 1190. Just a sec. Lily, did you manage to get hold of Justin? I did. I did. Oh, actually, could have a slice of lime in there instead of lemon. Oh, sure. And can I have some peanuts too? Which toy? Oh, I don't know. A toy roasted chili or sausage? Uh, Dad, which do you prefer? What? Which kind of peanuts? Uh, I'm not bothered. Do I roasted them? Ok, so, uh, that's 30-40 then. Actually, could have some salted as well.

7:08Ok, ok, so, that's 40-90. Just a sec. Did that go through? Yeah. Yeah, no, I think it's going to be really fun. I'll wait for what, sorry. What are you and I, being neighbors? Oh, right, yeah, yeah, sorry. Oh, don't forget your peanuts. Oh, yeah, can you, Tracy? Ok. Are you alright? Yeah, just a bit nervous about living by my boss. Don't tell her I said that. No, I won't. I know she's your niece and everything, and I know I shouldn't say that to you. It's absolutely fine, I understand. Thanks, Lillian. So, what did you say to Justin? I tore a strip of it. That sounds painful. Yeah, a bit like getting your legs worked. So, what happens now? Well, he said it's fine. Absolutely fine for you to park outside the house for as long as you need to. Honestly. This is nice. Yes. Yes, it is, isn't it?

8:08Well, why'd you say it like that? Well, I feel a bit like Tony Soprano. Tony Soprano. That this is a Mafia hit job. Oh, right, and I'm the assassin. Oh, yes. Oh, thanks. I'm sorry, love, but I'm thinking you want to talk about the Angusys. I thought we were out celebrating my imminent house purchase. We are, but I imagine that the cows would come up sooner or later. So, you thought you'd bring them up sooner? Yes. Dad, it's all right, Helen. What's all right? I'm not going to fight you on them. You're not? No. Oh, I had a chat with David a couple of days ago. And we talked about the process of handing over the farm, letting go, letting the next generation make decisions. And if you and Tom really feel I should get rid of them, then I'll just have to follow your lead.

9:10Thank you, Dad. But you do know, don't you? Not everything has to be about profit. Of course, of course I do. Farming with your heart matters as well. Absolutely, of course it. And enjoyment. That counts for something too. I agree. So, moving forward, don't forget that, will you? You and Tom. Of course not, Dad. I think I'm going to have to open that bottle. Well, do it. Just do it. Really? Yes, absolutely. Why not? I still can't believe that the house is actually ours. Well, yours, I mean, it's your house. Do you want me to do that? No, no, it's fine. I've got it. And possession is nine-tenths of the law, Brian. What if you don't abide by the law? No, I think you'll find the possession is still nine-tenths of any deal, law or no law. Here you go. Oh, thanks.

10:13To us, living at home farm, may we be very, very happy. Cheers. Cheers. Miranda. Yes. I can't do it. Can't do what? I can't move into the house. Are you joking? I'm sorry. I, I, you're actually serious. I'm afraid so. So, Brian, I'm so sorry. I don't understand. Oh, neither do I. I, I've exchanged contracts. Yes, I know. Doesn't, there's no going back from this. Well, I mean, you could. You could go back. Well, and, and four f, tens of thousands of pounds. Well, I, I don't know. I mean, I could compensate you. Compensate me? Pay you.

11:14Pay the money somehow. I'm sure I could find a way. What about the humiliation? Sorry. How are you going to compensate me for that? I'm not. I'm not trying to end our relationship. Really? Honestly, no, no. Good Lord, no. Brian, if you can't explain yourself, I will end the relationship. Really? Yes. And, and I don't think that would be remotely unreasonable. No, no, neither do I. I asked you a million times if you wanted to do this. And you said yes. You assured me it was yes. Yes, it is, yes. It's, it's just not yet. I've just bought the house. I know, I know. Um, is this about Jennifer? No. Within what is it? I can't tell you. You can't tell me. No. I mean, I, I think I deserve an explanation, don't you? You do, you do.

12:15I just can't provide that right now. Why the hell not? Because if I tell you, you won't believe me. Try me. What is it, Brian? I don't want to leave Rory. Rory? You can't move in with me because of Rory? Yes, he's, he's very vulnerable right now. Brian, he's a grown-up. Oh, not really. Well, only be living up a road. You can still support him. But I don't think he should be living here on his own. Then he can get a flatmate. Maybe Paul wants to move in. Well, don't think they're at that stage. Oh, for goodness sake. Rory can't face moving back to home farm. And I don't want to leave him. Then why? Why didn't you just say that? Why didn't you just say that yesterday before we exchanged? Because I only just realised it. That's ridiculous. I'm sorry. If you don't love me or want to spend your life with me, it would be much kind of to just say that now.

13:15No, it's not that. It's not that. Nothing you're saying is making any sense to me. I'm sorry. I'm just not making my sense to me either. I can't not buy the house. Well, you could. No, I can't, Brian. I really can't. Oh, really? I'm sorry. I feel so stupid. No, please don't. Please look. This is all my fault. Well, yes and no. It's my fault too for trusting you and I knew. I knew something was up. But you swore to me that this was what you wanted. It is. It is eventually. And what on earth am I supposed to do with that house in the meantime? The best B2B marketing gets wasted on the wrong people.

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