#133 - Our Biggest Confessions

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What are you drinking?

Fuck.

Oh, I made like a bunch of beans last night.

Oh my god.

Really nice beans.

Beans?

Big, a big ol' pot of beans.

I used beans.

Here we go.

That's so fucking funny, Shane.

It's really shocked, Doug.

It's so funny, Shane.

That's fucking awesome, baby.

Shock, Doug.

Shock, Doug.

Shock, Doug.

My love, shock, Doug.

Here you go.

Welcome to Smosh, mouth.

I'm Shane.

And I'm Amanda.

And today with us are special guests.

Spencer.

Hey.

What?

Is there any Spencer?

Dude.

Dude, and you're so fucking funny, man.

Well, it's up.

Okay, so we have so much to talk about.

Hi, Spencer.

Hey, Mike, funny to you.

Didn't say anything about me.

Here, mom.

Spencer.

You can't just say my mother.

You can't.

Seriously.

You guys, we have, should we talk about something?

We have a lot to talk to.

Oh, yeah, I think you.

It's our, uh,

you're, I'm sure you remember two years ago,

we did an April Fool's episode where I had a big announcement.

Oh, and this year we're talking

of big announcements over here.

Amanda.

You're back.

I'm back.

I'm back.

I was gone for a while.

Thank you.

Yeah, I'm back.

And I, lots of changes in my life.

Talk about him.

I'm feeling, I'm feeling a little bloated today.

Hmm.

Bloated of the breasts.

Nope.

I'm permanently bloated.

Spencer.

I've been telling you I'm bloated.

That's funny.

Okay, so talk to us about the changes in your body.

Yeah, since I have been gone, I have been eating so much, um, you know, same.

Yeah, what are you eating, Spencer?

I'm trying to visit every single Chili's in North America.

No way.

I love Chili's.

Let's get closer to the mic.

I've been trying to visit every, sorry, I'm not used to being in front of the camera.

I've been trying to visit every single Chili's in North America.

I love Chili's.

On the East Coast, we have Chili's, but it's actually, they actually serve fish.

It's Chili's, but it's Chili's, but fish.

It's an East Coast.

Dude, can you imagine if there was like Chili's and then they set up like a,

internet bar right next to it.

So we can like eat Chili's and then go and play the internet with it and then like have

desktops.

Oh, you know, that would actually be really amazing.

Like then I could be like on the internet and with the chicken.

Yeah, like you can play games all day all night and then go and have some

sampler pad clatters and then go back and play games and like 24 hours.

That'd be amazing.

I would do that with a book.

I'm reading, um, um,

unlearning gender and dragons right now.

Yeah.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

That's by that guy who looks like, um, what's that guy from?

That guy who looks like, oh, no, we're doing it again.

That guy, um, what's he talking about?

Amanda, you know what I'm talking about?

Amanda, figure it out.

Okay, it's seriously.

He's the guy.

Ed Norton.

Yes.

Ed Norton.

Ed Norton.

Ed Norton.

Yes, you knew that.

To me see that.

No, for sure.

He's doing, he's making it an anime.

You're kind of like the Ed Norton of Smosh.

Jane Babe.

Jane Babe.

Yeah, stop.

You're fucking funny, Jane.

You're so fucking funny.

And who does that make me?

You're so fucking funny, Jane.

Are you guys, uh, you guys, who does that make me?

Maybe sort of like the, uh, um,

Oh, I like a little bit like Winona writer.

Why would you be Winona?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Why would you be Winona?

Someone told me I look like your fingers.

Why would you be Winona?

I just was someone, someone on the back on the,

okay, East Coast.

No, no, no, no, no.

Okay, well, welcome to the pod.

That was a little just banter between us.

Um, we've got a big episode.

We have a big episode.

You think you're Winona writer?

I didn't, I didn't, I didn't say that.

I actually can't believe.

Do you know stranger things?

I, you watch that.

I watched, I watched the first two seasons.

Okay.

And I, I don't know.

I could not keep with it.

It's the best show ever.

And I just could not, I could not get into it.

There was something off about it.

What was off about it?

I don't, okay, we're trying to get Amanda

to watch TV this year.

And, um, I think, I think it's going to be a good journey for you.

I think it'll be good for you, um, spends you good.

I'm just imagining her watching TV.

You, like, I can't imagine you watching TV.

You probably have one of those like DVD cassettes.

I love DVD cassettes.

Of course you do.

I had so many DVD cassettes.

You know what?

Actually growing up on the East Coast,

I had so many DVD cassettes.

And we would put them in all the time and,

sleepless in Seattle.

I've never seen that.

That's a good one.

That's a good one.

Serendipity.

That's a good one.

It is what, um, it is one of my top 15 favorite movies I've ever seen.

I bet your favorite movie is You've Got Mail.

I love You've Got Mail.

I love actually, love actually.

Yeah.

Okay, but what's your favorite anime?

Shane, I, I don't watch.

Do you even fucking watch anime?

I've actually, I've never seen an anime.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

It's just not.

I've, you know, I've never really tried to get into it.

But I don't know.

I just don't think it's my kind of.

Do you know what you knew, Yasha?

Do I know what?

I could do that.

What?

It's a real life story.

Stop.

You're being mean to me.

Stop.

Shane, you're being mean.

You're being mean to me.

We love you, man.

We love you, Amanda.

We love you, Amanda.

So you got the wheel and see all the shit.

Amanda doesn't know.

Five.

Do you know five?

Like the, like the number?

No.

Five.

The five, the game.

Gum.

Five gum.

No, five, the game.

Shane, stop.

Shane, stop.

But Amanda's not the only one that doesn't know stuff.

Amanda's teaching me music, right?

What?

You're teaching me music?

Yes.

I'm trying to teach you music.

Chapelle Roan.

It's Chapelle Roan.

I think that's one of my top four albums of the year.

Chapelle Roan.

Chapelle Roan.

I don't know that.

One of my top four of the year.

I don't know, that is.

What's going on?

I don't know, I think.

What are you doing down there?

I just, nothing.

You're doing.

Nothing.

Let's just keep going.

So we do have a big episode today.

We are going to make some predictions.

Yeah, we'll start off with a kind of big announcement for me and you.

Yeah, we have a big announcement.

Just telling the, the pod fam, 2026.

Me and Amanda have a short film coming out.

We've been working on it for quite a long time.

And you guys are going to get to see it.

And you guys are going to get to see it.

It's, it's really, I think it's really a beautiful story.

And it's one that we really like only us could tell.

Yeah.

And you guys, yeah, we've been working on it.

Shane, you're going to tell me about this?

I did, baby.

I mean, it's been.

You didn't tell me.

Did you just call him, baby?

No, no, no, no.

Did you just call him?

No, have you heard of the game?

Scott, Scott, did, did, did he call him, baby?

No, have you heard of the game?

It's a game, it's a game that me and Shane made up.

It's me and Shane's secret game, right?

Scott, no.

Shane, you can't see what you want to be on Sunday.

It's a, it's a, it's a game, it's a game, it's a game, Amanda.

My god, those offsides calls.

I was like, no.

Courtney was like, is there a dying bird in here?

And I went, no, baby, it's me crying about offsides.

Um, making that short film, and then, guys,

big deal for the channel.

We're hitting one million subscribers.

Oh, and you know what we promised when we hit, um, one chain.

I'm so happy, watch me dance.

That's the, so good.

All right, hit the music for one million subscribers.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Shane, you're the best fucking dancer.

I love you, baby.

Um, what?

Oh, nothing.

I was thinking about, um, 10 things I hate about you.

Have you guys seen that movie?

Have you guys seen that movie?

My favorite movie is, uh,

You could say you're a favorite movie, baby.

You could say it.

I think we're talking in each other telepathically right now.

And that's really cute.

What is that telepathically?

Telepathic?

I know you don't do this.

You don't have to know some stuff.

I do, I do, I do.

Um,

East Coast.

But wait, you have that, um, so, okay, so we're catching up.

Sorry, it's just been crazy.

The podcast is kind of just like follow the fun.

So, um, what we're talking about.

We're talking about all the things.

One million subscribers is a big deal.

Amanda's been gone.

You have that song about maternity leave that you want to sing?

I have, I have been, um, working on a song about maternity leave.

I feel like there's not enough songs, um,

by pregnant women for pregnant women.

And so I've been working on a couple of songs, um,

that are focusing on both birth and afterbirth and prebirth.

And Boston too.

And Boston Rob.

Boston Rob.

We're going to get him on the bod this year.

He's going to add that's one of my predictions.

Boston Rob is coming on Smosh Mountain this year.

Literally and Hillary Clinton.

Oh, oh, no.

She went, she's not stooping that low.

I'm going to guess.

I'm going to guess.

She'll be on the show.

Come on.

Okay, sing your song.

Sing it.

Oh, right now.

But I'm sure it's really, oh, I can't sing right now.

Is it going to be gross and bloody?

No, I mean, childbirth is not easy.

It is not easy and there are parts that don't talk.

There are parts, yeah.

There are parts that no one talks about.

And one of them has to do with vaginas.

Oh, and there's a lot of liquids.

And there's...

Where are you?

What?

Where are you?

Well, there's actually like, they come all out of you

from different parts of your body.

From there's, there's, there's blood sometimes.

What blood?

No.

Blood.

Yeah, yeah, there is.

Yeah, there is.

Wee and...

Can we earn or stop talking?

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Whoa!

We're back to tell you that this episode of Smoshmouth

is sponsored by ZockDock.

Shane, I'm gonna, I'm gonna call you out right now.

What, we just got back?

What did I do?

Oh, you know what you've done.

You've been putting off your doctor's appointments.

Okay, I've been caught.

There's no need to make it hard on yourself, buddy.

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I really should see my primary care physician.

You need to, like now.

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Make it easier on yourself.

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Oh, that does make it easier.

It is so easy.

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Thanks ZockDock for sponsoring this message.

Now back to the show.

Oh, I hurt myself.

Selena, Selena, Selena, Selena, Selena, Selena, Selena.

Are you counting how many times we laughed?

Selena, Selena.

Sorry, can we stop down for a second?

Are you shopping down?

We're stopping down for a second.

You guys, this is, I think this is going really well.

I'll just stop down for a second.

I played Fortnite last night.

I played Fortnite for six hours last night.

Shut up.

Seriously, you're being too fucking loud.

What are you doing?

What are you talking to?

Baby Cole's down there and I have to...

You're a baby?

Please leave me a name.

You're a baby?

Yeah, I couldn't get a letter today.

Where else is she supposed to be?

You know I didn't bring a good work on Wednesdays.

Literally, where else is she supposed to go to?

I'm so everyone, you're a baby.

Yeah, you can pick a mop or whatever.

Whoa.

Stop, baby Cole!

Spencer is no other baby!

Stop!

I swear to God, stop it.

Be good to Spencer.

Stop!

Yeah, if you're good at me, I'll pull you in a game's video.

Is this okay?

Is that crazy?

Give him some water to eat.

It's kickstart, dude.

Yeah, you want to be in flip seven?

Is that tap water?

Was that tap water?

You want to be in flip seven?

Spencer, that was kickstart.

Theodore Roosevelt was the 26th president of the United States.

Anyway.

Okay, are we ready to get back in?

You're so fucking smart sweetheart.

Okay, so we've talked about the things we're promising.

No, no, no, no, no, put them back down.

We're going around the table and we're saying,

a hot take, things you're promising for 2026,

and you're, and you're here me out.

Okay, I haven't heard me out.

But then you also have to say what we're going to do for

one million subscribers.

Okay, I actually have a really good game.

It's a game.

What's the game?

So you just say your hot take, say what we'll promise.

Say you hear me out and if you laugh, you have to go wash your face.

Okay, I'll go first.

Okay, wash my face.

I don't know.

I have, I have like three more episodes of Smosh about the day.

I can't wash my face in between.

You have the face.

I haven't washed my face in three years.

That's the true thing that'll be said today.

Okay, what are you promising for a million subscribers?

For a million subscribers, I am promising to try.

Shane, you're so mean to me.

I am trying to go.

She always says I'm mean to me.

You are mean to me.

I'm not mean.

No, he's not.

I know.

He's not mean.

He's just drinking water.

Just drinking my cup of Gordo beans.

Okay, so what do you want to promise?

I am promising to ride my bike more.

But wait, if we get a million subscribers,

I am riding my bike more.

Can you do that with like,

after having a baby?

It's actually really hard.

Because the bike seat,

it actually pushes up against my vagina.

Does your vagina just eat the entire seat?

You guys, it doesn't eat the, it's not gross.

It is not gross.

It is not gross.

Do you have to get like an extra, extra large like seat?

It is, yes.

They have post-marriage bicycles for you.

Post-marriage.

Wait, what if we built you one with like a chair like this

and put two wheels?

I've been saying we should do that on the channel.

Can you, can you ride a bicycle indoors?

Because I don't want to go outside.

They have like soul cycle.

Wait, this is the year Spence gets on Peloton.

Spenser, you've never been on Peloton this year.

I love, it's only been 15 minutes.

Spenser, what are you going to do to celebrate

Smoshcast for one million subscribers?

Probably rewatch, what are the rings?

Backwards.

I actually never seen it.

What?

I know, I know.

Probably going to be Chinese.

You're going to be Chinese?

Yeah.

Spenser.

I was, I thought, you know what?

You know, I thought I was Chinese for like seven years.

Is that real?

Well, that's so interesting because one of the parts

of moving to LA is that I discovered Chinese.

On the East Coast, we do not have Chinese.

I grew up on the East Coast too.

And I thought I was the only Chinese person in my soul.

Where were you from?

DC.

How did I not know this?

How did you not know this?

Yeah, I'm from DC.

I literally have my, okay, so my sister's husband.

He actually went to college

near DC in Boston.

Uh-huh.

And he told me that he had been to DC.

And there are like a lot of, a lot of people are in DC.

Yeah, a lot of people are in DC.

I thought I was the only Chinese person in DC.

Okay, so very, it's like a, I like have a connection.

I have like a lot of DC connections.

Yeah.

Okay, um, so you're going to, so you're going to be more Chinese

for one million subscribers.

I'm going to be more Chinese.

You're going to write, oh guys, look.

What?

I got a voicemail from Courtney.

Oh my god.

I'm going to listen to it right now.

Yeah, okay.

Hey, Shane, um, I know you're busy.

Probably filming red stories or recording us.

Zock-dock ad or something like that.

But I, um, I'm just calling because I think

you did that thing again last night where you sleep walk

and take protein powder into the bathroom to eat raw.

That's so fucking funny.

As you sit on the toilet, um, I don't understand

why we can't work this out with your therapist,

but I'm, I'm really getting stressed out

because now there's protein powder

all over the toilet seat.

Okay, please call me back.

Please call me back.

Thank you.

Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude.

Do you ever just feel like your wife's a bitch?

She's nagging you for stupid shit.

Like, you have to

so she made that up, right?

Yeah, I wouldn't do that.

Like, you would never do that, Shane.

I know, I've like known you for so long.

And we're going to cut that right

because we should be talking about like the

smosh gas and stuff and like,

it went a million subscribers.

But like, I would, like, I like, like,

like, I don't use protein powder.

This is all beans and stuff.

Selena, we're going to cut that out.

Selena, we're going to cut that right?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, uh, do, uh, my hear me out.

Um, dude, I will never put her in flip seven again

if you just, you just tell me, oh, you just tell me,

and I'll, I won't never do that.

I have one.

I have one.

You have a hot taker.

I have, um, I have a hear me out.

I can't believe that.

Like, I'm cutting one.

We're cutting that.

Yeah, yeah, what's it, what's it, what's it?

Okay.

Okay, my hear me out.

Um, so he is, God, what is his name?

Oh, God.

What is his name?

He's the one you know who I'm talking about, though.

You know who I'm talking about, though.

You can be no clues to start from.

So like, just any clue.

Well, he has, he's the guy from that, he's in that movie.

Spencer has, he has, it's not the original one.

It's the, it's the second or third one that they made.

And it's not, okay, so there's the, okay.

Oh my God.

There's Mark Ruffalo.

It's not Mark Ruffalo.

It's not Mark Ruffalo.

But he's the one before Mark Ruffalo.

Before in what?

In what context before?

In the move, in the movie.

It's not, uh, in, uh,

I feel like Bana.

It's Eric Bana.

That's my hear me out.

Of course.

Spence, do you have a,

Spence, do you have a hear me out?

Yeah.

Easy.

Bunny from Zootopia.

That's a good one.

Honestly, I would have guessed.

Shinaya Twain for you.

I love Shinaya Twain.

I'm just getting into her music.

I love her.

I'm just getting into her music.

Really?

Growing up, we listen to Shinaya.

A Twain all the time.

Yes.

Yes.

I'm getting into that.

I'm getting into, um,

iTunes.

iTunes.

That is exciting.

No, it's, it's like,

Quartz showing me some stuff.

I love, I love iTunes.

Quartz showing you some stuff.

Literally.

Yeah, and, um,

we had a lot of listeners on our last episode.

We were talking about, um,

the app, uh, the news today app.

Yes, she's showing me people.com.

Yes, the people.com app.

Yes, it's crazy.

Okay, um,

is this what you guys do on Smash Bros.

just just talk about?

Spencer, it's, yes.

Stupid shit.

Okay, Spencer, um, what are things?

Letter box.

Love letter box.

I do a letter box.

What movie did you just see recently?

Uh, tampo po.

It's really a,

and we, and you saw, yeah,

it's about a Japanese ramen job.

Ramen?

Have you ever had that?

I've had ramen.

Uh, yeah, yeah.

Did you have any weird cravings?

After you.

Oh my god.

After having a baby.

Yes, I had so many cauliflower crust.

Ew.

What?

Love.

Um,

actually, it's actually really good.

Um, and it is super low calorie,

and they say you are supposed to eat it

because it helps the babies.

Um, it helps their stool be a little more firm.

Ew.

Um, and so I was,

I was eating so much cauliflower crust

because I was like,

I want my babies stool to be firm.

Wait, the baby was pooping inside of your stomach?

Yeah, the baby actually poops.

No.

Okay, wait,

because I'm going to talk about this.

Ew.

Okay, we're going to spin the wheel

and learn about where the baby, baby poops.

Six.

Where does the baby poop in your stomach?

Six.

So it's actually in, um,

a sack inside of me.

And I am eating,

and so the baby is actually eating

through, um, the, uh,

nutrients that I eat,

through the umbilical cord.

And the food goes in,

and then the baby has to

shit so the baby, um,

where does it go?

It goes inside of me.

So you're just a belly full of shit?

Well, I mean,

a sensor,

I,

that's disgusting.

It's not, it's actually not disgusting.

And that's what I,

and one of the songs on the album

is all about that.

It is all about, um,

Shane, you're so mean to me.

You are so mean to me.

I don't think you've saying this

here on Smash Bros.

I mean to you.

It's crazy.

I'm not.

I'm not.

You change the nicest person in the world.

You'll see it in the short.

You'll see it in the short.

Okay.

Time.

We play some games.

Just kidding.

Yes, finally.

Games.

Yes.

Spence.

What do you want to do?

What do I want to do?

Oh, um.

Oh, my God.

Should we, uh,

moose master,

flip seven?

What do you,

sorry.

You've been, you have two babies?

There's two.

There's two under there.

There's two baby calls,

but we just named them both cold.

Whoa, that's your big announcement on today's episode.

You have twins,

and they're both named Cole.

And they're not wearing any shoes.

Amanda's not wearing any shoes.

Amanda's not wearing any shoes.

After you get back from childbirth,

your feet are bloated,

and the one talks about that.

Ew!

Hey, guys.

It is not gross.

It is not, it is not gross.

Hey, so my mom told me that after you give birth,

your, the mother's poop is like really watery

for like two months.

That is true.

It is mostly water.

I read that in a book.

I was, I was, I was passing water, yeah.

I'm reading this book about Coney 2012.

Oh.

Yeah, I'm reading it, but no,

I'm reading this book about Snapchat

and the way it's showing culture like Tucson.

I do not have Snapchat.

You don't like it?

I do not like Snapchat.

Oh my god, my phone's buzzing.

How do you feel about breastfeeding?

I love breastfeeding.

I love it.

Can I get a little bit of my non-do?

Yes.

No!

Guys,

Smoshcast is hitting one million subscribers

and Spence is going to drink Amanda's

Tiddy milk!

This is some weird fan.

I don't know the way you're putting it into the thing.

I think the fantasy is over.

Is that what this looks like when you're

is that what it looks like when you're thinking of my cut?

Getting jealous.

Shut up!

Oh my god, I got another call.

It's probably Courtney Apologizing.

Do you mind if I listen to this?

We'll cut it out.

Damn, it smells really sweet.

It's gross.

Hey, Shane, it's Courtney calling again.

I just want to let you know

that I found your stash, okay?

Yep, I found your secret stash.

What does that fucking mean?

I wanted it in you.

This is some freaky shit that you have under our mattress

and I, I don't even know what to say.

You know what I will say?

I'm thinking don't come home.

Don't come home, Shane Top.

Unless you want to fall down the stairs for real this time.

Shane, I want you out of this house.

I can't do it anymore.

This comes to do with me.

It's sufferable!

Get out of my life!

Get out of my house!

Get away from my cats!

You monster!

Okay, fucking crazy person.

I feel like she's being a bitch, right?

She's being a fucking bitch.

She's actually being really mean to you, Shane.

And I know you're mean to me, but she's being mean.

We're going to cut all that out, right?

Ms. Selena.

Selena?

We're cutting that.

You know, we're cutting that out.

I never say this, but I'm actually really worried about you.

Okay, let's talk about the Broncos.

Yes.

I think the Broncos didn't go to the...

Yeah.

Tart.

You're okay.

You're at...

Let me just like shake it off.

You're so okay.

Dude, me just shake it off.

Your wife is like the witch in Fortnite.

No, I love my wife.

She's amazing.

What is that, the witch?

You don't know the witch.

The witch from Fortnite?

It's like this big, long, taradactyl,

like a really long beak,

and then the talons are so long and it just scratches you.

And the witch is also an alcoholic.

Okay, let's talk about the Broncos.

So this year, I said I would get a perm.

If they went to the Super Bowl, they did it.

So that's what I'm here to say.

Maybe you can still get a perm.

It would look good on you.

Shane, you would actually look really good with a perm.

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

We can look like each other.

Because I got...

God, look at that head of hair under you.

Let's see it.

Oh, he shits.

Spencer, I love your hair.

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

I don't like the attention on your hair, Spencer.

It's too much, I don't like it.

You don't like attention, that's true.

I don't like attention at all.

It's too much.

That's one of my favorite things about you, Spencer.

Really?

Yes.

What?

You don't like attention.

You are so personable and loving and kind to me.

And you always know how to lift up my spirits

and the hugs you give to long intense hugs.

You like this kind of hug?

Yes.

Yes.

I do.

I love giving side hugs.

Okay, let's spin the wheel.

Six!

So...

Anyway, we have another announcement.

We are going to...

Pride this year.

I'm probably going to stay home.

I've never been.

I thought about going on the East Coast,

but there's like so many people there already

and so I was like, I don't know if I can go.

Me and Amanda, we're going to Pride this year.

I was going to be our going.

I love the LGBTQ community.

I just don't like people in general.

So I can't be around.

Hey, I'm Josh Speagle, host of the podcast,

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A lot of people I like people.

This is not coming to the best bribe,

but we're going to bribe this year.

And we are going to bribe.

I'm nervous because there's going to be like a lot of women there

and lesbians abs.

I don't know what it is,

but they absolutely love me.

They absolutely love me and I...

Shane, what was that?

No, Shane's song.

Don't!

No, I don't have...

Shane, you're so mean.

It's so out, but it's kind of funny.

Shane.

Shane, you're so mean.

Do not dunk on me.

I'm not meany.

Do not dunk on me, Shane.

I'm not saying that.

Not dunk on me.

Okay, so update.

We're going to pride.

And if this video gets enough likes,

we'll go as the chosen in Sarah Christ.

Oh, I'll go as chosen.

Yeah.

I love being chosen.

Two gay chosen.

Yeah.

And one straight Sarah Christ.

Yeah.

They should really put the S in LGBTQIA plus.

And what's the S in four?

Straight, straight girl.

So S G.

Straight girl.

No, that wouldn't make sense.

I like straight girls.

Spencer.

Are you hitting on me?

No.

Okay, that'd be crazy.

I'm loyal to one woman.

One woman only.

Spence.

How's Olivia's mom?

Oh yeah, you're obsessed with Olivia's mom.

Yeah.

This year you're going to talk to her.

It's like unrequited love.

You know that movie in the mood for love?

Yeah.

I'm that guy.

Olivia's mom is the female character.

That's nice.

And we just like pass each other by.

We don't say anything.

It's all about yearning.

You know?

Yeah.

Yeah, I love to yearn.

You love to yearn?

Yeah, I love to yearn.

I'm reading a book right now about yearning and vegetables.

It's about how vegetables

are the biggest yearners of all.

No.

Yeah.

Is that true?

Yeah.

God.

I know you're so fucking smart.

Dude.

And funny.

Dude.

Check when you watch.

Check on one.

Do you shock?

Oh.

New segment.

Watch time.

A watch time.

We're going to talk about our watches.

That is a really nice one chain.

Where did you get that from?

I got it.

The farmer's market at like 4 a.m.

I love the farmer's market.

Yeah.

It is one of my favorite places.

I go and there is this woman back on the East Coast.

Their farmer markets are a little bit different.

They actually sell fruits at the farmer's market.

No way.

On the East Coast.

Yes.

I'm pretty sure it's not like it's so fruits.

I've never seen one that in LA.

But on the East Coast they have strawberries and blueberries.

We have that here.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, I'm sure the East Coast one is a little bit different

because they actually sell them right next to

like they have like flower stands as well.

They have those too.

Yeah.

Oh, go with the East Coast one is different.

So the East Coast farmer's market could be similar

to the West Coast.

That doesn't mean really anything.

I'm actually pretty sure it's different now.

Because it's in a different place.

And therefore it's probably a little bit different

because they grow different things

and the people are different there.

And there's they have different.

It's okay if they're not different.

No, it's different because it's on the East Coast.

They're getting really defensive.

I'm not getting defensive.

And this video is going to be really weird

if you are like this.

The video is also probably going to be like 10 minutes

because we have to cut out when you were like

breast feeding and all of my like.

Are we recording?

Drama.

Yeah.

Oh, how's Cole?

Can I hold him?

There's two colds.

Which one do you want?

Either one.

Cold one or beta cold.

Beta cold.

This is cold one.

This is cold one.

Oh my god.

Give me the other cold.

Beta cold.

Get out of here.

Beta cold.

Hey, why do you hate that?

How do you hold a baby?

This one's small.

That's beta cold.

Oh, I get it.

Dude.

Hey, you think I can breastfeed?

Oh my god.

We hit a million subscribers.

Spence is going to breastfeed this year.

Spenser.

What?

You can't.

Then cannot breastfeed.

I'm pretty sure anyone with nipples can breastfeed.

Actually, no.

No.

What do you mean?

Why are you doing that?

Only women can lactate.

Okay, so why don't you tell us a little bit about your lactating?

Ew.

So inside,

women, there is an acromasome and it creates drink.

What do you do?

Set to create estrogen.

Drink.

And the estrogen actually hyper.

What's it called?

Hyper stimulates your circulatory system.

And once it starts going.

Where his, where's baby clothes love fingers out?

Breast milk.

How's he going to play Fortnite,

which is mostly calcium and the calcium in your body?

Oh.

Well, it actually reflects what's going on in your body.

And so then you're able to.

Oh, you're able to.

Just die but got on me.

Let's say baby clothes playing Fortnite.

It gives the baby the nutrients because the breast milk

is like a preserve.

Blue.

42.

And once the breast milk is and a lot of women

by the time they control a control A,

control B.

They started feeling bathtub.

The breast milk.

The breast milk.

And once the breast milk is in the bathtub,

you can actually take the breast milk bath.

Wait.

Which is really good for you and your baby.

Coldering the split.

Because your baby is able to absorb the nutrients.

Cold dancing on a keyboard.

The nutrients that you absorb is actually really healthy

for you and your baby.

It's a bonding experience.

And I've heard that it is really good for your skin.

It's two things out.

Remember that livestream where I painted about a butt?

And so that's basically thank you for asking.

That's basically what breast milk does.

What?

You want to play Farmville?

You want to play Farmville?

Cold wants to play Farmville.

This is incredible.

Are they annoying you?

No, I'm actually bad.

No, we don't play Call of Duty cool.

We play Fortnite.

I'm actually really hoping.

I'm actually...

I'm actually really hoping.

I don't know how to hold babies.

Why is your baby being weird?

Stop being weird.

Stop.

I swear to God if you embarrass me at work,

I am going to be so mad.

I'm going to be, I'm, I'm livid.

You both are acting terribly.

I cannot bring you to work if you are going to act like this.

You are embarrassing mommy.

I like to play video games.

Bait a cold shot.

You're fucking mouth.

You know what kid?

Hey, hey.

Hey, hey.

Come here baby.

Come here baby.

Cold wine, you're such a good point.

I'm a love few.

I'm a freaking love few.

I'm watching.

Do you want to raise this one together?

Mama would do anything for you.

Yeah, I'm down.

Ew, what is going on?

Selena, we have to cut all of this.

Shayna and I are going to have this one.

We're going to have a baby together.

You can have beta cold.

What's the short film about?

Okay, so...

You never told me about the short film.

So me and Amanda made it.

We're going to release it this year.

And we're really excited because it tells the story of like how we met.

It tells the story of how we met.

We ruined it in one shot.

It's actually shot in one shot.

No, it's actually really interesting.

It's really because we met at work.

At work.

And it's a different way than other people met at work.

Pretty sure I put you guys in a video.

It was a games video.

And so it's the story of that first games video that we were in together.

So I put you guys in the games video.

And you're kind of in it.

Yeah, okay.

But we have that short and yeah.

So we had Trevor play you.

What?

We had Trevor play you.

What?

Yeah, we had Trevor play you.

Why what?

We had Trevor play you.

Why didn't you guys tell me?

Well, Spencer, you were busy, I think.

You were busy.

Yeah, I think you were like in a thumbnail meeting.

But no, we're going to do that short.

And hopefully if enough people want to see it, we'll screen it somewhere.

Excuse me.

Chain.

My burps are so small.

I don't care.

Yeah, I don't care.

No, it's all good.

It's all good.

Dude, it's all good.

It's all good.

Spencer, it's really, it's not a big deal.

I didn't say it was a big deal.

It is not a big deal.

And like people get recast all the time.

Literally.

And it is not a big deal.

Yeah, literally.

I would know.

Okay, so we have some new segments this year.

What are we going to do?

We do have some new segments.

We're really excited about them.

We actually brought Spencer on because we wanted to try

one of the new segments with him.

Okay.

And it is pass or don't pass.

What?

What are we?

Who produced this?

We say Selena.

Selena.

Selena.

So it's pass or no pass.

And so you give someone a pass or no pass.

And then each player has five dollars.

And you can buy a pass.

Okay.

So first round.

Um.

Air planes.

Pass.

Pass.

Okay.

That's five dollars for me.

Okay.

My turn.

This game makes no sense.

No, it does.

It does.

It really is really good.

It's really good.

Ready, ready?

Julia Roberts.

No pass.

No pass.

Okay, no five dollars for me.

This is, this game doesn't make any sense.

Trust it.

Trust it.

Trust it.

This is not a game.

Trust it. Trust it.

If you, yeah, trust it.

Okay, um, just say anything or anyone.

No.

No, so now you owe us $10.

That was 10.

What?

If you say a sentence, you have to pay 10.

Because it has to be one thing.

You just say, that's kind of it.

Okay, I've got one.

I've got one on the show.

I've got one on the show.

I've got one on the guppin.

Steemers.

Specifically, they're like an East Coast.

You did a sentence.

Oh, damn it.

Oh, my God.

I'm so worried because I had to tell you what

you probably are.

Oh, my God.

You know, let me help you up.

Chain your butt.

Stop your butt is so tight.

Yeah, it's good.

Chain your tight little butt.

Oh, that's a segment.

So we're retiring.

That's your, you talking about my butt?

I love it.

I love, I honestly love butt.

Time for this.

Five.

Five.

Okay, next round of pass is the hard one.

Okay.

Okay.

What do you mean?

I mean, oh, my God.

I literally didn't talk about Steemers.

Okay, so on the East Coast, they're not like muscles.

They are kind of like clams.

And you put them in the top of,

there's like one of those boiling water thing.

Hey, this one's crying.

And oh, yeah, yeah.

And there's one of those boiling water things.

And so you take the pot with boiling water

and you actually salt it.

And then you have this

collander that goes on top.

Oh, shit.

And you put these, uh,

just a beta one, which are like these clams

in the top of the thing.

And so you put the,

wait, 10, this is a bad game.

And you start boiling it.

And what happens is the steam rises.

And it opens up these clams.

And once the clams open up,

they become like really moist.

And kind of like glee,

which is like so, it's like so nasty.

But they actually taste really good.

So you take them out of the collander

and you strain them.

Then you serve them with like butter and oil and oregano.

And it's only on the East Coast

because they only grow on the East Coast.

So like Maryland and for just about like the origins

of understanding.

They actually serve them at a couple places here in L.A.

But not, but they're all like East Coast

inspired restaurants.

So they're not technically L.A.,

but more pass.

Okay.

Second round of pass is a new,

is a different kind of kind of game called

water slide vocabulary.

Okay. Family guy.

Spencer.

Spencer, that's not how you play.

That's not how you play.

Oh, great play.

Boobies.

Okay.

Pass.

Pass.

I'm passing on boobies.

I'm passing.

You're passing.

Okay.

My turn.

Yeah.

Chlorine.

Amanda would say some shit like that.

It's in though.

It's chlorine is in the water and it cleans.

This is a good one.

This is a good one.

I'm going to say false.

I thought it was pass or not pass.

Well, it's round two.

So a vocabulary water slide.

Okay.

So are you saying false or not pass?

False, not pass.

False, not pass.

False, not pass was correct.

Great.

That was good.

This game has no strategy.

Good job, men.

Thank you.

Okay.

Now, we're going to move on to predictions.

We're going to predict some stuff that we think is going to happen.

We're making some jokes about it before,

but it's actually predict stuff that we're going to do.

That's going to happen.

Smosh is here.

I think.

Smosh.

I think someone is going to watch

Smosh from death row.

I'm just saying it.

I'm just saying it.

I have a feeling.

Okay.

That's nuts.

That's nuts.

Liger, I thought down.

That's crazy.

I think a pigeon is going to jack off to an episode of Smosh.

Okay.

Shane.

No.

Shane.

Shane.

No.

Pigeons even jack off.

Do you even do that?

Spence knows.

Spence knows.

Spence is a joke.

Spence.

Do you think pigeons jack off?

Pigeons for sure jack off with their talons.

Predictions for this year at Smosh.

I think that probably we're going to do Smosh Summer Games

inside a Chili's.

That's right.

You guys, today we are announcing

Smosh Summer Games Chain Restaurant Edition.

Yeah.

Um, so like the teams are all based on big chains and it's crazy.

We got it sponsored.

We're pretty excited about it.

It's literally crazy.

I'm not allowed to say what team I'm on,

but you guys are really going to love it.

Are you good?

Do you need some coconut water or something?

Ah, coconut water.

I love coconut water.

Yeah, of course.

Amanda would say some shit like that.

And during pregnancy, they say that drinking coconut

water is really good for your babies.

Um, you're the mucus in it.

I read a book about mucus.

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Yeah, okay, and then predictions.

All right.

I think, um, I think there is going to be.

Oh, sorry.

I think I know.

You just like sort of interact with me and it's kind of been like about you

at this whole time, right?

Okay.

We've been like playing with your babies and stuff and we'll cut this out, right?

Go ahead.

But my wife like fucking reamed me and knew what I was going to say.

It's the false claims she's been against my name

that I bring protein power to the bathroom every when you're sleepwalking.

You can't control when you're sleepwalking and you're sleeping.

Respectfully, uh, and I'm not trying to like,

I'm not trying to put you under the gun.

I am just trying to say what I have seen personally at the workplace.

I don't eat protein powder in the bathroom.

I don't know what you do with the protein powder in the bathroom,

but I do know that you do take it in during lunch.

You take in, and what's wrong with that?

Amanda, and there is, and that is not what I'm saying.

What I'm wrong with that is not what I'm saying.

Thank you.

What I'm saying is that you are taking protein powder into the bathroom,

which is not a normal place.

It's not easy being shamed top at Smosh.

Do you know he's so popular?

He can't just be eating powder outside.

If you're going to talk about what I do in the bathroom,

then why don't you talk about what you do in that pump room?

Yeah.

Because we all hear the TV in there.

You got a TV in there, and you have a slot machine in there,

and you have a butler.

What is that, huh?

And all I want to do is bring some way and gordo beans.

I'm like, honestly, just can the episode.

Because honestly, today's been the worst day of my life.

Don't do that.

I won't let you do that.

I went to the farmer's market.

Then I went to the gym.

And sure.

I took a whole thing of protein powder,

and I fucking downed it while my wife

was just being beautiful in the other room.

I went.

Shane's life is really hard.

I hate witnessing how hard his life is.

And if at Smosh, we can just help him a little bit.

Just a little bit to make him feel that it's better.

How fucking rooms.

Not everyone has two babies.

I'm sorry.

I didn't think about it like that.

It is probably really hard to maintain your muscles,

and the effort that goes into that.

And I wasn't thinking about it.

And all I did was give birth.

That's right.

Like, how are we going to learn about one now?

And you're talking about going on a bicycle or something.

Like literally, like, what even is that?

I'm writing bikes, and I'm not thinking about how hard it is

to keep up your physique.

That is so typical Amanda.

That is just like me.

I'm like, it's just like, I'm sorry.

It's just like, you know, this year's hard for me already.

I'm like, trying to get into fashion.

And I'm trying to get into like,

I'm trying to, yeah, I'm gonna finish reading the Encyclopedia

by the end of this year and in the Bible.

And I'm trying to like literally,

I'm on Instagram fashion pages.

Do you see how hot core is?

Do you know what I keep posting?

Yes, look at Quartz Instagram.

Quartz is literally a baddie.

I don't know how to look at that.

You don't know how to look at Instagram?

What do you know?

I know how to open it up.

I don't know how to open it.

I actually only see the homepage.

I don't really understand.

And I have...

Yeah, Amanda went off Instagram for like two years.

Do you remember that?

Yes.

And you're like, and Amanda was like,

I'm not going to be on Instagram for a long time.

And then she came back.

I think two years later, I'm happy you were here, Spence.

Because I think this is the last episode.

Yeah.

What?

Yeah.

More room for games.

No, it's...

What are you talking about?

I'm not gonna...

I'm not gonna...

If you're gonna do this to me...

I'm not gonna do this to...

I'm Shane.

I'm literally not.

I'm just trying to...

I'm just trying to tell you what I...

You've changed Amanda ever since you had a baby.

You just changed like...

It's not my fault.

You just like started pumping into my cup.

I didn't even want it.

That was so inappropriate.

That was so...

We were all sitting here and you made us all uncomfortable

and we didn't know what to do.

Like, don't do...

This is like my...

I thought...

Literally, there's a...

I thought that's one and I said no.

No, I was supposed to...

No, we didn't ask about it.

And I'm sorry, I guess I just like...

I don't know, I just needed to release.

Okay, I don't know what game you're trying to play, Amanda.

Spin.

Just spin.

Just spin, Shane.

Just spin.

Nina, just spin.

Five again.

So, I guess I talk about where the baby shits

No, no, no, no, no.

So, after the baby is born,

it shits into its fucking diaper, I guess.

I'm hoping to see the Broncos play once this year.

That's a prediction.

Dude, you see those videos of the viral videos

that people go to chilies and they order the mozzarella stick

and there's that long cheese pull.

Yeah.

Watch that for 50 hours straight.

Finally, we're talking about something that matters.

Jesus, that's amazing.

What'd you do?

You watched it for 50 hours?

Jerk off to it.

We didn't get that.

Spencer, Spencer, I actually did see one of those videos

on my Facebook wall and I was scrolling through.

Dude, you have to get on Facebook wall.

You have to do it.

I was scrolling through.

I'm addicted.

I'm sorry, the videos are funny.

They are funny.

They are funny.

I was scrolling through and I, you know how I am

on my Facebook.

No, I don't know.

So I am so addicted.

I cannot get off of there.

And.

Yeah, tell us about your Facebook wall.

And something that I saw the other day on a Facebook wall,

I saw this video and I cannot tell if it is AI or not.

And I was like putting on my glasses and I was like,

what is this?

And it was like this dog and it looked like it was kind of

dancing in a way.

And it was, but I was like dogs can't dance like that.

Like dogs are not like on two legs.

And so I was like, so is this real or is this not real?

I'm so tired.

That's the first thing.

It's like, it's like talking a man dog.

I'm so tired.

She's doing it.

I'm not serious, sorry.

Okay.

This is the segment where I guess I look at my Facebook.

Which by the way, I'm going to say it.

It's all rigged.

I know exactly what's happening.

I read all the lists.

Okay, I'm going to look at my Facebook

and you have to guess if it's on my wall or not.

Okay.

That's the one that she knows what she's doing.

Amanda, Amanda's on Instagram Reels

because she can't tell the difference between Facebook

and Instagram Reels.

It says meta.

Oh my God.

I thought meta was Facebook.

I'm going to guess one's about true crime.

One's about an article of celebrities.

And the other one is about making jello shots.

Or the other one's going to be about

while scary or climbing is right now.

Do you guys want to talk about that?

I actually can't get to it because I have cricket.

You have cricket wireless.

Yes, so I have no service.

Honestly, honestly, Amanda, respect, respect.

Crazy.

Okay, guess what's on my, if I had a Facebook wall,

guess what would be on my Facebook wall?

Okay.

Okay, pictures.

Whoever guesses right, I'm going to give them a kiss.

I have to guess right.

Okay, let me guess.

I have to guess right.

Okay, okay, okay.

A picture of Stewie.

I'm going to throw a shammu.

Hell yeah.

Kiss me in front of the call.

The camera won't see.

Sorry about the tongue.

Okay, okay, I have a guess.

I have a guess.

I have a guess.

The answer for what might be on your wall.

Okay.

It's going to take a long time.

Like, I don't know.

So, the K-pop demon hunters, but all three of them are pregnant.

Dude, that's accurate.

Nice!

That's awesome.

Yeah, um, thank you for that, by the way.

That was really nice.

Thank you for what?

Spence, just don't worry about it.

I just feel like this year, we're getting closer.

Yeah, closer than last year.

I feel like we're getting closer.

I'm getting closer.

I'm getting closer.

Remember when you said that.

I think I'm also getting...

Remember when you sent me that voice message?

I think I'm also getting...

I think I think...

I have a voice mail from Spencer.

Did you guys see the movie?

I'm going to shut the fuck up!

Sorry, I thought um...

I thought it was my turn.

Shut the fuck up!

Yeah, I mean...

Shout out, Amanda.

I have the voice mail you sent me last year that I keep every day.

You have a voice mail that you keep every day?

Yeah!

You have to save it every day.

Hey Shane, it's uh, it's Spence.

Just, you know, driving into work, seeing how you're doing.

You remember this?

I was worried about you.

Yeah, uh, last night was great.

I had a lot of fun, but, you know, I've been,

I've been thinking a lot about what you said.

Um, when I was leaving, and I think, I think I'm ready.

Yeah.

Yeah, so just, you know, whenever...

Yeah, I think I'm ready.

So, you know, just, just, you don't have to call back,

but, you know, if you want to text or anything, you know...

Yeah, all right, love you.

What are you ready for?

I'm ready.

What, I've been ready this whole time.

What are you guys ready for?

I want to...

I'll book us the tickets.

If you, if you, uh, uh, yeah.

Where are you guys going?

Are you going to the east guy?

Amanda, shut the fuck off!

We're not talking about Boston.

We're not fucking talking about Dunkin' Donuts.

We're just not.

We're, or Boston.

We're not.

Or you're fucking...

Tiddy milk.

Yeah, Tiddy milk.

We're not.

So, if you need to take a fucking walk, then do it.

Don't make that noise you make when you're pissed off.

Why don't you just, like, go listen to some, like, Mel Robbins or something?

She's doing that noise again, ready?

Because she ruins all the audio with the noise.

Sabotard.

You can't make...

No.

Scott can get that audio on me.

You're making that weird woman hum.

No, stop doing that.

Stop doing that.

No, no, no, no.

Selena!

I'm not trying to make the woman hum.

It just happens after childbirth.

Oh my god.

It's a very normal part.

And that's one of the songs on my album.

So, how long do I have to wait up?

How long do I have to wait to have sex after birth?

You can have sex the whole time you're pregnant.

No, I mean, like, after...

After...

I don't have any time.

You had sex right after you had a baby.

Right after, right before.

And does it, like, is a painful or you like it more?

It actually is, like, really...

It's a really great experience.

It was a good way to experience life.

Yes.

I'm so good at it.

Wait, Shane, oh my god, Shane gets it.

I'm so good at it.

Shane gets it.

I'm so good at it.

Shane gets it.

I'm so good at it.

Zuck, duck.

Zuck, duck.

Josh!

Hey, I'm sorry, about that back there.

I'm screaming you, I've never even raised my voice like that.

You've never done that before.

And I'm sorry.

And I knew that you were going through something

and I was like, let him have his moment, you know?

Like, do not.

Yeah, no, I'm sorry.

Yeah.

I think what you do is really brave.

What?

Comedy?

Yeah, it's part of being a mom.

But if the hardest part is getting into the character,

it's because like, you really have to step into their

own sense.

Lena, we're just a spray bottle.

We got to be the other round.

We got to be the shoes.

We got to be the other round.

Really embodying, like, it's not only just like,

are the thoughts.

Shut up!

Shut the fuck up!

The more you do that, she doesn't make the warm-in sounds.

No, no, no, no, stop!

Stop the warm-in sounds.

Get some lip gloss!

I cut your bangs.

Think about Eric Banna.

Eric Banna is waiting for you outside and pick you up,

take you to target.

Yeah, whatever you want from Target.

Put down my baby.

Whoa.

Whoa.

With your meaty hands.

Got you.

Now who's getting roasted?

You big, you big fucking big mussely man.

That's right.

That's a compliment.

Your muscles are so freaking big, like.

Yeah, I think I think you and your hair is so fucking,

it's like luscious.

Is it okay to comment on your co-workers' physique?

Yeah, it feels a little inappropriate.

Because we need to talk to the game.

Literally wasn't, I was just saying like,

you're talking about my body and that feels inappropriate.

We haven't talked about your body once today,

like getting kind of uncomfortable.

Yeah.

What do you want to say about me?

Spencer, I hate your, like, beautifully wavy hair.

And I hate your glasses and the way they frame your face.

And I hate the way you speak to me, like,

we've known each other forever.

And we could continue to know each other in ways

that other people can't imagine.

And I don't know something about your grip

when we shake hands.

It's, it's so stupid.

Yo.

Oh, Shane Saw.

That was like inappropriate.

I have to feel a book.

This year, Smosh Mouth is going to be

bigger and better than ever.

That's true.

It's truly going to be one of the best years.

We're probably tanking this episode.

But I thought this was a really good one.

This is one of the different, Spencer, you have been like.

I think you were fucking funny in this.

You were really, really funny, Spencer.

Like, I was like, what?

And I'm like, I don't usually laugh.

But Spencer, you were making me laugh.

OK, guys, I have a five-gum meeting very soon.

Oh, my God.

I forgot we're doing that partnership with five-gum.

Yeah, so.

But next week, we're going to try to eat an entire lasagna

while ranking every movie we've seen.

And one of my favorite.

Not one laugh.

I was laughing.

Shane, Shane, I was laughing.

I'm sorry, I screamed at you today.

No, oh, my God.

I literally didn't even hear it.

Your wife's not at which.

I'm just really jealous, because I'm in love with you.

And I'm in love with you.

And my dream is to go to Tokyo with you

and drive those Mario carts on the street with you.

And you know if you bought the ticket, I'll be there.

I know.

If you guys want to this summer, I'm going.

Don't say it.

I'm going.

Don't say it.

Do not say it.

I'm going to.

Don't.

If you say it, I'm going to make sure you get it.

Just let her say it, because just let her say it.

She's been a mom and didn't stop going to the East.

Jesus Christ, man, you know what I apologize?

But you did it again.

You brought the East Coast.

Shane, what?

You mad at me?

She would do with a lot of stuff.

You see what I do?

Yeah, I know.

It's a lot.