09/04/2026

0:00You're listening to Thursday's episode of The Archers, from BBC Radio 4. Adam, what brings you to great tables? In Promptu lunch with Ian. Same here. Oh, not with Ian, of course, with Miranda. Miranda? I'm helping her measure up the farmhouse for the decorators. Thought it might cheer her up to have a spot of lunch first. And did it? Not greatly, no. She's in a state of some perplexity, to be honest, about Brian. Ah, well, I can't throw much light on Adam, I'm afraid. Brian's made it very clear. It's his business and has a loan. Except there's not entirely true. No. It's also Miranda's business. Oh, yes, yes, I see. And she doesn't know what he's up to. He had a change of heart without a word of explanation,

1:01out of the bloom, without apparent reason. Well, I know no more than you do, Oliver. But what do you think, though? I mean, it's not like him to be so irrational. And there's sudden change of heart. I mean, do you think he's all right? Where are you going with all that gubbins? These are for the church that lean our population. Mops and brooms, Usher. Can't the church run to its own mobs and brooms? Of course, but Alan was worried there wouldn't be enough. He's got a small army of volunteers in today. Who? Well, for a start, Susan Carter's volunteered her son and grandson, grandson George, that would be. Yes. That's very trusting, Oliver. And Alan, for that matter. Oh, we all need a little trust from time to time, Carol. The ceiling coming down like that, though, and Usher, people are saying it's important. A portent that the church is old and needs maintaining. Old and decrepit, like me. And needs maintaining.

2:03How are the promises coming along? Mixed picture there, I'm afraid, good and bad. What was good? Jim Lloyd reading from the Iliad. Oh, lovely. It was. And we had a nice chat afterward. Then I had Leonard Berry round painting the fence. Yes, so I see. It looks lovely. You'll also have seen the spillage on the path, then. Where? There, there Usher, right by your foot. And he was relentlessly cheerful, so I shan't be recommending him. Well, you're not actually expected to recommend people, are you? It's helpful to others if I do, though, I would have thought. Well, I don't know. The promises tree isn't really the place for critical comments. But if it helps, raise standards. And it's probably best left to Hillary and Oaks and her team to allocate promises. Do you say so? Rather than contacting people to yourself. Oh, hi, Usher. Hi, Carol. Hi, Leonard. Ooh, someone else heading for the church. Ah, coffee and cake for the workers. Oh, that's kind of you.

3:03Well, George and Chris are mucking in this afternoon, so I thought I'd do my bit. Soon it's done if we all do our bits. True enough, I'll walk up there with you. I thought I'd add my name to the promises tree while I'm there. Kate main into. What are you offering? Oh, nothing special. A bit cleaning. I quite like cleaning. Do you do windows, Emma? Well, can do. Why? These could do with a decent clean. If you're available. You want to sign up first. I don't think that's really necessary, is it? Well, here's Emma. There are the windows. We need trouble. Hillary nooks and her gang. Okay, then. I'll call by my way back. Good car. I'll look forward to that. You'll need hard hats, I'm afraid. Yeah, makes sense. The main thing is to get all these lumps of plaster, all if rubble, the heavy stuff out through that door and into the skip. All right. We can't really start cleaning the church, so we've got this lost out. Okay. I'm so grateful to you volunteering like this. We're not volunteering, Alan. We was volunteered.

4:04Mum said it would be good if we could help out. That was Susan's idea, then, was it? I wouldn't have thought of it myself. Well, we're keen now we're here. Aren't we, George? Don't know about that. Do goodens more your line of work, Alan. Not mine. Windows are looking good, Emma. Yeah, well, not everyone thinks so. No. Well, Carol keeps pointing at bits, she says, I've missed. I said, it's not missed, Carol. That's on the inside, so she says, you better come in and do the inside, then, aren't you? Oh, dear, do you want me to have a word? Oh, no, honestly, oh, sure. It's not worth it. I've just about finished. Where is she now? Her making tea. Yeah, that's something, I suppose. You think so? No. Well, there was no mention of tea for me. I should have made herself thirsty with all that nitpicking. I sure can't. Tis up, if you wanted a few minutes break. Oh, is that for me? You shouldn't have. Oh, you want minutia?

5:05I've run out of work, a day biscuit, so I'm afraid. No, I can't stop, thank you. I just called by to see how Emma was getting on. Not bad. Not bad. Although, oh, now the sun's moved round. You can see the streak marks. There, look, that'll need another wipe. Well, you'll never get rid of them, Carol. You're just going to have to learn to live with it. They hardly show up at all. These are now sparkling windows, so I say so myself. Oh, I suppose so. They're lovely. Now what? Well, they make the curtains look dry, but, I think they need washing and ironing. Not by me, they don't. And re-hanging. I'm sorry, I can't do that. It's very heavy work, Carol, or re-hanging curtains. Well, you could get Alan to do that bit. It's about time he pulled his weight over these promises he wants us all to make. Am I all right? Yes. What kind of question is that? Well, I should have thought it was obvious a polite inquiry about your general health and well-being. You come round, especially to find out.

6:05No, I just thought, well, after the stress... Stress of what? Breaking up. I believe you, me. Stress of breaking up, as you call it. It's nothing to the stress of people sticking their nose in and asking how I am. Fair enough. Which I think I may have mentioned before. You have, yes. I just wanted to know you're all right. I don't like to think if you cooked up here and brooding about... Well, brooding about whatever it is and getting down. Well, you've got no idea about it. I'm not going to show you of that. Right, so it didn't mean to intrude. Let's forget about it, shall we? Yeah, good idea. I was thinking... I'm something I saw online. Yeah? Kiwi bearers. Sorry? Yeah, different sort of crop might they be worth trying? To grow. Yes, no. If we started now, we could be harvesting in about three years. That's three years treading water at him for a fad. It's way of diversified. Sounds dark to me. It was not a definite plan. Thank goodness for that. Just an idea to play with. And a risk too far. But it's up to you, of course. You'd have to take the consequences. Very considerable consequences. Well, as I say, it was just an idea. Now, if you want to diversify and make money,

7:07you ought to consider setting aside a few acres for caravan storage. For caravan storage? People part their caravans in the winter, so they can pick them up when the season starts, take them off to Cornwall or wherever. Palemann is telling me about it. He's right. You have to stay on your toes in farming these days. Be nimble. That's the key. And he has a chance to do just that. I'm sure he's right. But as I see it, there's one major problem with that. Which is? It's not farming. And farming's what we do here. Yes. OK, OK, I take a point. You see what I'm saying? I do. But as I say, though, you'd be running the show. Yes. So to be entirely your decision, I suppose it would. I won't interfere up. Thank you. And talking of wit. Yes. Have you been in touch with the solicitor yet? About the will. No, not yet. I'll definitely be going sometime next week. So he kept him in the freezer overnight. He never, he did. He put him on in the morning. And off he goes to work. That's crazy. He says it improved his golf swing.

8:09Hey, I'm interrupting your coffee. Oh, great. Alan, we didn't know he was there. But he nearly finished. Oh, half an hour to mop up and then you're ready for the off? Well, I am impressed. All you have to do now is get the scaffolding up and they can start when they're like, I wish. Well, what's to stop you? Basically, paperwork. Not to patch up a ceiling. Just do it. They can't stop you. Oh, they come, George. We are a medieval church. There are eyes on us and hoops to jump through. Everything's got to be signed off. Plus, a little matter of a claim for injury to be dealt with. Who'd be a figure, eh? No, I'm Glenn, I've caught you all of it. You've seen Grant just come from the cottage, yes. And he's fine. Is that what he says? No. Well, yes, he says he's fine, but it's obvious he is. He knows what's what and he's making perfectly rational decisions. What sort of decisions? About the future. Obviously, I can't go into detail. Miranda thought she was part of that.

9:10Well, I can't work out what's going on there, but I can promise you that Brian is absolutely okay. Where'd you want the bucket? Or just leave it there by the front, will you, George? Brushes as well. I'll sort them out tomorrow. Right. You know, I can still picture you sitting in that pew over there, singing in a little heart out. Yeah, when I was a kid, face all bright, full of hope. Where'd that go then, eh? The hope was not all gone, George. So you say, don't you think? There's sometimes a bit thin allen to be honest with you. But still there. I'll remember Brian of her Meg back then. Meg, Dad's old dog. Oh, and she was old. Yes, yes. Just before she died. Well, that doesn't mean you have to give up on prayer, does it? George, who'd be a vicar, eh? What? What you said about getting the church repaired? Who'd be a vicar? Ah, well, well, it's true that side of it. I don't want exactly relish all the admin.

10:10So why do it? The money can't be good. I've been in a job that was well paid when I was an accountant, but you chucked it in. I wasn't happy. I kept feeling I was being called away. To Ambridge? As it turned out, yeah. So this was like voices calling you. In a way, but not actual voices. Not exactly. It's more of a feeling. You know, when you feel it's what you've been put on this earth to do. Right. And I'd say God was calling me to be a vicar. Yeah. And vickers work with people, which is what I do like about the job. The people. What you call your flock. Oh, a whole range of folk. The so-called good and the so-called bad. All their different stories. As long as they come a church. No, everyone. Ricardo, son, I'm here for everyone. Look, there's an old lady in the village, for instance. And I'm trying to help her. But she's not a regular church girl anymore. A bit lonely, I suspect, though she'll say she isn't. And she can come over as bad tempered.

11:13But come over as bad tempered. You mean she isn't really? Well, no, you're right. She is bad tempered. And intolerant. And sometimes manipulative. But she needs help as well. So I provide that where I can. And I pray for her, as I do for you. Me, of course. And that's me sorted then. I hope so, George. Yes. Well, if it is, maybe I'll come back and let you know. I'd like that. Don't hold your breath. Right. I have to look up now. I know what you mean, though, about being called. You do? It's kind of like a dream, yeah? In a way, I suppose. Well, my dream is to have my own flock of sheep. That is not bad tempered old woman. Feels like that's what I meant to do. And can you see it happening? It nearly did. Someone was going to help me out with a bit of cash. So they'd get me started like, then backed out of it. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, George. Broke the word, which puts me back to square one.

12:14But that's how it goes. I know that now. It's what you have to expect. I still have the dream, though. Only if it's going to work. I know I have to do it on my own.